“Why Don’t We Listen?” by J. Peterson

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The book under consideration is called “Why don’t we listen better?: communicating and connecting in relationships” and is written by J. Peterson. The book discloses the difference between hearing and listening and teaches how to become an effective communicator. Peterson suggests reasonable solutions to the improvement of the listening process. In addition, the writer uses his own experience to explain the main aspects of communication from the point of view of a listener and a talker.

In the first part of the book, Peterson singles out the points of “balanced communication” (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 5). It states that you should “listen awhile” before talking (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 5). It is a wise rule since people are likely to tell their own stories instead of listening to others. Hence, before beginning to say something, be sure that your opponent has nothing to say. The next principle allows us to “talk until other person stops hearing (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 5)”. Sometimes people are impolitely interrupted in the middle of their story. That means that the person who is listening to you is not interested in what you are saying anymore. Therefore, to prevent it, be ready to stick to the next rule that postulates to “listen until the person calms enough to hear again”

The second part appeals to me the most. Peterson’s flat-brain theory is rather surprising and studies communication from an unusual point of view. According to his flat-brain theory of emotions, he regards communication from the angle of stomach, head, and heart. He believes that human feelings and emotions are located in the stomach. The heart is the place where social intercourse between people occurs. Finally, the head is destined to think logically over the information given outside. In this respect, our head can be compared with a data warehouse where all the information is processed. Peterson’s idea about the interaction thinking process and feelings is rather logical and evidence-based.

The levels of communication are highlighted in the third part of the book. The writer distinguishes the stage of “sharing information and connecting” (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 18). In general, in this very part, Peterson skillfully describes the reasons for our incapability to listen. The chapter also gives reasonable advice on how to use tone, gestures, and intonation to acquire maximum attention.

A funny theory is presented in the fourth part of the book. Here, the author pays attention to the description of the processes that take place in the stomach when it is overwhelmed with different feelings. According to Peterson, in case we experience disturbance, it extends its size that pushes the heart and the head outside (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 24). Though the interpretation of that process is funny, it has rather rational ground. With the help of such a humorous approach, the writer explains how bad feelings influence our minds.

An interesting idea is illustrated in the fifth and in the sixth part where the author gives us the description of “information sharing” and calls it “Flat-Brain Tango.” (Petersen, J. 2007 p. 33) However, Peterson warns us that excessive intercourse can capture a person in a closed circle where there is no way out. Therefore, we must be attentive while getting into that flat-brain tango. Thus, this book can be regarded as a guide to the world of feelings and emotions that helps us to communicate successfully with each other.

After a detailed examination of the book, I have figured out several wise pieces of advice. First, I have changed my outlook on human communication and realized that it implies not only words but also the ability to listen, to talk using intonation and body language. The book has also provided me with useful information concerning the connection of our feelings with the thinking process. In my opinion, the impact of your inner feelings and thoughts is evident in situations when you have to restrain your emotions. As for me, sometimes I had situations when I burst out to the extent to be angry enough to think. As a result, my stomach replaced my rational thinking with negative feelings. After considering this book, I understood why it happened like this.

Another idea I have taken into account is the necessity to listen since there are cases when I did not manage to apply these skills. From my point of view, this capability is of paramount importance and requires careful study. The people who do not have this skill will not be able to succeed in many spheres of life. To be more exact, the power of listening serves as one of the tools for sharing information. Therefore, the most attentive people turn out to be the smartest ones.

The book itself is written in a very accessible way and is rather simple to perceive the main ideas. The biggest advantage of the book is that Peterson applies a great number of situations extracted from his own experience. The book is full of dialogues and illustrations of different processes that only facilitate the perception of the information. In my mind, I find it strange that the author uses such stylistic devices as irony. As a result, he depicts theoretical material in an ironic or even a sarcastic way. However, this makes the work more attractive for a reader.

I also like Peterson’s idea about talker-listener interaction the effective outcome of which depends on both a talker and a listener. In addition, the idea of interchange of roles is also implied.

However, some points of the book are too abstract and do not have a practical explanation. For example, the author makes an emphasis on improving listening skills whereas mastering narrative skills are out of attention. I believe that good narrative skills also contribute to the improvement of the listening process. However, communication is not always an individual process. Hence, it can be carried out at different levels, and that is the reason for us to study the art of conversation more carefully (Chase, E. M. & Del Plane, R. K 2005).

Analyzing the basic rules of effective listening, I will remember the rules mentioned in the first part since, in my opinion, they are the most useful to follow. I still agree with the writer that communication is successful in case you are a good listener. Therefore, effective communication is closely connected with different spheres of our life. It is especially important when your profession has a direct connection with public relations or mass media. I have also found that listening skills are not inborn and, therefore, they should be acquired in the course of the development of communicative skills.

Reference List

Chase, E. M. & Del Plane, R. K. (2005). The Art of Narration. Montana: Kessinger Publishing.

Petersen, J. (2007). Why Don’t Listen? Communication and Connecting in Relationships. US: James C. Peterson.

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“Why Don’t We Listen?” by J. Peterson

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