Why Chinese Parents Are Superior

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Table of Contents

Introduction
Discussion
Conclusion
Work Cited

Introduction

The question of what the best parenting style entails is one of great controversy. This is especially so whenever western and eastern styles are being compared since the two are perceived to be antithetical. Western styles are thought to be permissive while eastern ones are perceived as authoritative. It would also seem that great emotional investment has been made into the defense of the two parenting styles.

That is why a furore went up when Amy Chua’s article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior,” was published in the Wall Street Journal. Amy is an Asian American and a professor at Yale Law School. In this essay, I intend to show that in spite of the furore of criticism elicited by Chua’s article, her argument is not only persuasive but also truthful.

Discussion

Chua attributes the stereotypical academic success of Asian Americans to good parenting. She argues that ‘Chinese parents,’ her term for parents who adopt strict parenting methods, demand nothing but the best from their children and see nothing wrong in doing that.

They deny their children many forms of popular leisure, are not shy to criticize them when they fail and drill them until they are perfect at whatever given task. ‘Western parents’ on the other hand, the term used here to refer to those whose parenting style is opposite that of Chinese parents, are too concerned with the self esteem of their children, allow them unlimited play time in the name of freedom and are not able to criticize them.

By considering both sides of the argument, one can come to no other conclusion but to completely agree with Chua’s position. Chinese parenting is definitely superior to Western parenting. Western parents, due to quite a wide array of reasons as we shall see, have however chosen to disregard this fact. As a result, the most virulent attacks have been made on Chinese parenting.

The first criticism hurled against Chinese parenting is that it stifles the individuality of the child. Western parents argue that by directing the important aspects of the child’s life and therefore giving in to their every whim, one runs the risk of turning the child into an order taking automaton.

Their portrayal of Chinese parenting is however caricatured. Demanding that a child give their very best, and showing them that they are indeed capable of doing so would never stifle individuality. As a matter of fact, it strengthens the character of the children and they end up growing to be more confident about who they are and what they are capable of doing compared to those brought up by western parents.

Secondly, Chinese parenting foregrounds the importance of effort towards the achievement of success. It relies on the notion that we all have equal opportunities in life and the only difference is how much effort we are willing to put in. Children who are brought up by Chinese parents realize early in life that effort pays and are therefore likely to be much more hard working later in future.

The example cited by Chua, of her daughters practicing until they were perfect at music instruments, is clearly indicative of the power of practice. Western parents however perceive this as evidence of the assumption that all children are the same in Chinese parenting. The concept of individuality is however taken into consideration by Chinese parents and more emphasis is placed on practice rather than on naturally endowed abilities.

Western parents on the other hand emphasize the importance of naturally endowed capabilities at the expense of practice. This is quite ironic since America, the perceived seat of western ideology, holds the idea of meritocracy in high esteem. That is why it has been christened ‘the land of opportunity’. Unexpectedly, American parents, on being so vocally critical of Chinese parenting, do argue against one of the ideals that their nation is based on.

Chinese parenting is often thought to be so authoritative as to almost be considered inhumane. This is however a misrepresentation of reality. Chinese parenting is actually based on the concepts of obedience, self discipline, support and concern. It demands that children be respectful and obedient to their parents and elders. It attaches great significance to self discipline since without it success would be nothing but an illusion.

Contrary to popular belief, Chinese parenting is reliant on support and concern as means of nurturing success. This can be seen, for instance, when Chua and her daughter came to sleep in her room after mastering “The Little White Donkey” (Chua). In fact, Chinese parenting isn’t as unconcerned as its critics would like to paint it. It is purely because of Chua’s concern for her daughter that she made her learn “The Little White Donkey.” And Lulu herself knew it. That is why she felt that her triumph wasn’t just hers but to be shared with her mother.

The issue of setting standards is one that sets the two parenting styles completely apart. Parents who practice Chinese parenting set standards for what success is. When such standards are not achieved, be it in matters academic or otherwise, children are told so in no uncertain terms. This has the effect of their valuing success.

This is unfortunately construed as heartlessness on the part of Chinese parent. Western parents on the other hand have very mixed up ideas about achievement. Since they themselves have no standards of success, they are completely incapable of setting any for their children. They therefore end up applauding the mediocre in the name of relativity. There is no way however that success and failure can be interchangeable.

Proponents of western parenting seem to think that they are sufficiently involved in their children’s lives since they attend soccer games and school plays. They get involved alright; but not in the areas that matter. They are unwilling and unprepared to lose the kid gloves and get muddy like those who practice Chinese parenting. Chinese parenting dictates that the parent be prepared to take over from where the teacher stops.

They literally go through their children’s homework with a fine-tooth comb and sit through the music practices for hours for instance. Yet, for all their effort, they are demonized. Western parents, conversely, take up all the fun things they can do with their children and leave out all the non-fun ones. This is a case of classic selfishness.

What seems to ail Western parenting most is overblown sentimentality. They are too sensitive about the self esteem of their children and are therefore not ready to criticize them. They worry too much about their children not liking them and are therefore incapable of pushing them when need be.

Children are not sufficiently developed as to be self driven. Chinese parents on the other hand are practical and objective about things. They are aware that being liked by their children is less important than raising them as disciplined, respectful, self-driven and successful adults. Again, proponents of Western parenting are here seen to concentrate on non-essentials.

Lastly, the question of freedom always leads to great contention whenever the two styles of parenting are compared. Proponents of Western parenting believe that children have rights and that these rights should always be respected. The preferences of parents should not be pushed upon them since that would be akin to authoritarianism. This notion is based on the assumption that children know what is good and what is not good for them.

This could however not be further from the truth. It is precisely because they are incapable of making informed choices on their own that they are called minors. That is why the responsibility of making important decisions is therefore bestowed on their parents. The refusal of parents to do this, under whatever pretext, is nothing but the shirking of duty.

The result is that children brought up using western parenting end up being impulsive and whimsical. They are incapable of suppressing desires because that was never taught during their childhood. The teachings of Western parenting on the other hand are good in decision making and are aware of the merits inherent in the postponement of gratification.

Conclusion

Chua’s article does not necessarily intend to convert all Western parents into Chinese parents. It however should have them reflect upon all the positive aspects of Chinese parenting expounded on. It is no coincidence that Asian Americans have come to earn the term ‘the model minority.’ It is as a result of their doing better academically and professionally than their white counterparts.

By demanding nothing but the best from their children, Chinese parents have been able to cultivate a culture of respect, discipline and hard work. And this virtuous cycle is carried on in the family and the Asian American community. It is the most opportune time for Western parents to take a look at the facts and take up Chinese parenting.

Work Cited

Chua, Amy. Why Chinese Parents are superior. The Wall Street Journal. 8 Jan. 2011. Web.

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Why Chinese Parents Are Superior

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