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I’m an introvert, there’s no question about it. I’m shy, I like being alone and I’m good at it, and I avoid confrontation at all cost. I’ve always been this way, and I’m fine with it. Being an introvert has its good and bad sides, and I guess so does being an extrovert. I wouldn’t know, though . Lately this is something I’ve thought about a lot for some reason. Maybe because the words introvert and extrovert are being used a lot right now.
I’m not so good at making new friends. I find it hard to approach new people without a good reason, and approaching them simply just because is just out of the question. Unless the people I meet have the kind of personality that I immediately identify with it can be awkward and weird to hang out with them at first. As nice as some people are, it takes time for me to form a bond strong enough to really be at ease with them. The friendships I have now are extremely important to me, and I want to keep them up, which sometimes makes things hard. I want to reach out to my friends but at the same time I don’t want to push anything. See the problem here? Another thing with friendships that’s sometimes hard, is that some of my friends are EXTROVERTS, with all caps. It makes me tired from time to time, to watch them go, to listen to them talk endlessly, having them ask me if I’m ok because I haven’t said a word in a while. I’m fine, I’m just… I’m fine with silence, and I’m fine with not doing anything. I don’t feel the need to be on all the time. I’m not saying all extroverts do, either, but by definition they do and go and socialise way more than us introverts.
I hate phone calls. I never call people, unless I have to. I can honestly say the only two people I call willingly (and only if a text isn’t enough) are my mom and dad. With everyone else I text. I’m not even comfortable with those voice messages on WhatsApp. Nope. Not my thing. I have a couple of friends who always send voice messages instead of typing a message, and I always type my answer to them. I procrastinate as long as I can when I need to make an official phone call about something, and fortunately there’s no need for those too often. I can easily go a few months without talking on the phone. Thank goodness for texts and emails. I also don’t like asking for help when I’m shopping, and staff approaching me is something I hope to avoid.
I’m not comfortable with crying in front of anyone. I’m actually highly sensitive and pretty much cry at any movie or TV show out there, but not when I’m with someone. I hate fighting with people not only because fighting is never nice, but because that is the only thing that really just makes me cry, and it’s out of my control. I cry out of frustration more than anything else, and I never know what to say. Also, whenever someone tells me something that requires a big reaction, I always fail 100%. A person could be pouring out their soul to me, and I would just sit there with a blank expression, because I feel stupid displaying the amount of compassion, sorrow, happiness, love, disgust, whatever it is that I’m feeling at that moment. I am feeling all of those things, I just don’t know how to show it. Sometimes I think of situations and things I would like to tell someone, and I can see myself being open, but when an opportunity presents itself I close up. It’s exhausting, let me tell you… It’s also probably a big reason why I like writing so much; I can create worlds and characters and have them deal with that stuff, and it makes me feel lighter and better. Writing is my outlet, the most efficient way for me to express myself.
Needless to say, I don’t really go out much, and I’m completely fine with that. I don’t play team sports and I stick with classmates I like and get along with. Besides writing I like to read, and watch movies. Movies inspire me tremendously. I used to draw a lot, but haven’t been doing that in about four years… I’ve been thinking about getting back to that, but so far the only thing I’ve done for it is dig up my pencils. To be fair, I am busy with school at the moment. Maybe during Christmas break I’ll find time and see how rusty I am. I’m also into makeup, another thing I can do by myself, practice my skills and stuff. And, as you know, I started studying sign language this fall. I was a little nervous to go to a class with complete strangers, but our little group turned out to be super nice and we aren’t anxious with each other.
I’m not a spontaneous person, surprise surprise. If I’m at school or work and think ahead to a quiet night at home, then that’s exactly what I want to be doing then. If someone asks me to go out with them, it completely depends on my mood whether or not I will go, and usually with a few hour’s warning I won’t go. I like to make some sort of plans, although sometimes even I have a moment of spontaneity and will go for anything at a moment’s notice. I try to remain open to new things, but I need my alone time every single day. I need to have that quiet time that’s just mine. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever move in with anyone. It would have to be with someone who understands that need and respects it.
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