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Communication is the most essential concept in all life situations. It is a key to a successful relationship, as people always rely on emotions. This is especially important in marriages, as partners need to know the ways to talk to each other to have a long life together. However, individuals are not born with good communication skills, as it is something that is required to be learned and practiced during the lifetime. According to a poll conducted by The Today Show and SurveyMonkey, the lack of communication is the second most common cause for divorce, trailing only infidelity (as cited in Greg & Smalley, 2020, p. 29). Psychologists all over the world study communication skills and most of them suggest that happy couples communicate differently than unhappy ones, distinguishing certain interaction styles, which could be helpful in choosing an appropriate way for understanding the partner.
There five main communication styles being distinguished by the psychologists: assertive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, submissive, and manipulative. The first type is connected with the notion of self-esteem. It is the most effective style, especially in marriages, which makes the speaker confident, allowing them to communicate without playing games or manipulating others. Its major behavioral characteristics include achieving goals without hurting others, respect to others rights, being responsible for the made actions and choices, and asking for what is required, being ready for a rejection. However, despite the fact that this type of communication is useful for human relations, assertive style is the least one used.
The second style implies the individuals strong desire to win at any expense. An aggressive type of communication suggests the person behaves in a selfish manner, as if their needs are the most crucial. The major characteristics of this style include talking in a frightening, hostile, or threatening manner, readiness to trample over others, being intimidating, and bullying. This type of communication is ineffective as the purpose of the conversation is often lost because people are being emotional. The other person in this situation tends to feel hurt, humiliated and becomes defensive, losing respect for the partner. This is the style, which is the most damaging for marriages, as it does not allow people to come to an agreement, thus, ruining the relationships.
The third style is passive-aggressive, meaning people seem patient on the surface but are acting out of anger. Those who behave in this manner often feel resentful, and powerful, and they are indirectly aggressive. Such individuals are not reliable and are often considered to be sulky, and hypocritical. Their expressions are typically inconsistent with their thoughts, as they behave decently when facing a person, but behind their back, they demonstrate their real feelings. People dealing with such individuals usually feel confused, angry, and hurt what is disruptive for any kind of human relationship, including marriage.
The next style of communication is submissive, characterized by a desire to please other people, and avoid conflicts by all means. A person choosing this type of behavior acts as if other peoples needs, rights and desires are more important. Such individuals are apologetic because they feel as if they are in debt when they ask for other peoples help. They do everything to avoid confrontations and put the preferences of others above their own. They also refuse to express their desires or show true feelings. Such people never use loud voices, as they try to remain in a shadow, and seem small. Those who surround them often feel frustrated as they do not know what to expect.
The last style of communication is manipulative, implying that people using it are skilled at influencing or controlling others. When speaking, such individuals always have a hidden message in their words, which the other side is unaware of. These people are cunning, and tend to control others by various methods, including fake tears, making others feel guilty, and indirectly asking for satisfying their needs. Those, who are treated this way, usually feel guilty, angry, and irritated. This communication style is especially harmful to close relationships, especially marriage, as one of the sides, which is being manipulated, begins to feel non-meaningful, and not respected.
In conclusion, successful communication is one of the major skills for improving and preserving the marriage. However, there are different interaction styles, which are inherent to individuals, and they need to be considered when building a relationship, as certain types are more damaging than others. People need to be aware of these peculiarities to be able to control their behavior and emotions to have a stable marriage, which would last for a long time.
References
Ackerman C.E. (2020). What is happiness and why is it important?Positive Psychology. Web.
Fessenden, T. (2018). The principle of commitment and behavioral consistency. Nielsen Norman Group. Web.
Greg D., Smalley, E. (2020). Reconnected: Moving from roommates to soulmates in marriage. Focus on the Family. Web.
Michael J., Sebanz, N., Knoblich, G. (2016). The sense of commitment: A minimal approach.Frontiers in Psychology, 6. Web.
Miller, K.D. (2020). The 5 character strengths of wisdom in positive psychology. Positive Psychology. Web.
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