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Anticipate your Readers Responses
The story Refresh, Refresh takes place in a small town Crow, which does not have many male citizens. The author describes that the town was populated only by three types of men: old, incapable, and vulturous (Percy 3). All the worthy men left to fight a war in Iraq, leaving their children and wives, hoping that they will come back alive and well. The narrator and his best friend Gordon are teenagers who mimic their fathers as they wait for their return by fighting, hunting, and riding their dirt bikes in the wilderness. At the end of the story, the teenagers find out that Gordons father was killed at war, and they take their anger out on the closest manifestation of war, recruitment officer Dave Lightener.
The paragraph refers to the concept of masculinity that is essential to Benjamin Percys Refresh, Refresh. The excerpt is supposed to convey the ways in which the concept is expressed in the short-story through its setting, accentuated by the effects that the Iraq war has on the development of the young protagonists. The relationships between danger, war, boyhood, and socially constructed masculinity are intended to be expressed in the paragraph; nevertheless, the link that connects these notions is established without the reader in mind. The connection between the bigger section of the paragraph and its last sentence may appear somewhat feeble and hard to follow a tighter text can transmit the ideas more effectively.
Empathy is the pivotal point around which a readers reaction revolves. If a writer is right in predicting how others may perceive their text, this skill is reflected in the writing style, which becomes adjusted to the targeted audience. The ability to understand what response a paragraph will evoke is crucial to evaluate its efficiency. The paragraph under consideration is not too large or too small, so it will not intimidate a reader or make their eyes bounce down the page (Trimble 10). The writing is not verbose it appears to be precise in the means used to deliver an idea. Since the excerpt appears at the beginning of the essay, it aims to establish and start developing the thoughts that will be deployed later on. Even though its size is appropriate and the style of expression is clear enough, the paragraphs continuity could be enhanced by establishing a more firm connection between some sentences inside it.
Revised Paragraph
The story in Refresh, Refresh centers around two boys, the narrator and his friend Gordon, who wait for their fathers to return from Iraq. For the moment, the teenagers fight, hunt, and ride their dirt bikes in the wilderness surrounding Crow, a small town that the war deprived of its honorable men, leaving behind only old, incapable, and vulturous (Percy 3). All the men worthy of being a soldier had to abandon their children and wives, hoping that they will come back alive and well. The boys story culminates when they find out that Gordons father was killed in combat. The event serves as a turning point that changes the attitude to the war, provoking the teenagers to take their anger out on its closest manifestation, a local recruitment officer.
Original Paragraph and Description
The section Anticipate your Readers Responses explains how to cope with the most prominent obstacle a writer might encounter. Trimble shows how a reader can be confused by a text that is evident to its author but requires additional attention to the word choice, the lengths of sentences and paragraphs, continuity, and the overall effect. Furthermore, The Trimble accentuates the significance of the witting flow that makes a texts understanding easier and more straightforward (Trimble 10). Linking the thoughts that sentences contain more closely may improve a readers experience, as a text that proceeds naturally is more comfortable to follow. Originally, the first paragraph may have felt a little bit disjoined in its last segment, jumping from the initial stages of the protagonists journey to its near end. The second paragraph tries to bridge the two sections thematically, as the main connecting components are war and the sense of loss. First, the town is bereft of its male population, which is continued by the boys loss of father. Therefore, the revised paragraph strives to account for the continuity of the thoughts presented.
Works Cited
Trimble, John R. Writing with Style: Conversations on the Art of Writing. Pearson, 1975.
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