Recovery After Loss in “The Lovely Bones” by Sebold

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Table of Contents

Purpose
Summary of the Novel and Research Content
Denial and Anger
Depression
Acceptance of Death (Humility)
Works Cited

Purpose

This report attempts to understand the pressing issues of how to survive the pain of losing a loved one and in what period everything will return to normal based on the novel by Alice Sebold, “The Lovely Bones.”

Summary of the Novel and Research Content

“The Lovely Bones” is the novel by a famous American writer Alice Sebold. The plot outline and the basis of the work are twisted on life on Earth and “beyond its limits,” on the other side of reality and being. Susie is the main heroine of the novel, who simultaneously watches her killer, family, and friends, voices her thoughts aloud to the reader, and recalls her worldly life. However, the novel’s author is not limited to descriptive impressions from the point of view of the “living spirit,” but talks about what it is like for Susie’s parents after such a tragic, priceless loss. At the same time, the killer remains unpunished for some time and continues his normal, measured life at a moderate pace.

In addition, Sebold masterfully describes the suffering, pain and loss that can never be returned.

However, even if a person sees hopelessness and injustice, they should know that souls and God in the “other world” see everything that happens on Earth. Thus, the deceased do not forget those who took care of them, and the guilty sooner or later get what they deserve, and if not by human hands, then due to “divine help and support.” In this paper, grief is examined through the use of sub-topics based on the main stages of acceptance of death. They include denial and anger, bargaining, depression, and finally – acceptance of death itself not as the end of everything valuable but as an essential factor in preserving the natural balance and the laws of being.

Denial and Anger

No matter how acute the grieving person’s attack is, consciousness has already developed mechanisms for managing grief, and therefore it passes faster. However, this does not mean that such a person does not need the participation and support of others. Also, it is assumed that a person who is going through hard times and the loss of loved ones must go through at least several “stages of grief” (Rachmawati 1). The primary stages of acceptance of death are characterized as a refusal to understand reality, deny what happened, and fall into criticism and accusations. Thus, in the book, Susie’s parents cannot come to their senses and believe what happened; the father is eager to find the killer at all costs (Lavery and Sebold 3). Anger is one of the most powerful emotions that a person has – it is a natural reaction to despair, pain, frustration, and threat (Garcia-Garcia et al. 3-6). The early stage of grief is a whirlwind, a storm of emotions and feelings, which are sometimes difficult to cope with without the help of competent specialists and loved ones (“How Long Does Grief Last?”). A certain time passes, which lasts from several months to one year. Soon, a person “cools down” and controls oneself, then the next stage comes.

Bargaining: The stage following “anger” and “denial” is a rather unusual one compared to others. This phase attempts to postpone the inevitable, considering false hopes and aspirations (Clarke).

The feeling of helplessness forced the close people of “The Lovely Bones” main character to protest and “bargain,” to try to take control of the situation when the attempt seemed futile (Lavery and Sebold 3). As with all stages of adoption of changes, “trading” can occur instantly or be delayed indefinitely. It should be remembered that there is no time limit for any grief, but its intensity decreases over time (Mayo Clinic Staff). As soon as “victims” realize that this strategy is ineffective, they move on to the next stage (Morrow). Anyway, bargaining is a sign that people are already starting to look towards the future. They have not yet parted with their fears, but they are already looking for new opportunities and will negotiate.

Depression

If the previous phase has a negative outcome, people will be in depression, have uncertainty about the future, and lack energy. Deep depression and despair are the most difficult and protracted periods in a person’s life. At this stage, feelings of guilt are manifested for unspoken words or unfulfilled promises (Ann). Hence, Susie’s father blames himself for not being able to do anything in the current situation. Due to the lack of hard evidence, the man will not return his daughter and the former happy days and will not put the criminal behind bars (Hidayat 11). In this case, people close themselves in, are disappointed in others and favorite things, and see the world around them in black and white. However, it should be noted that in this context, depression is understood as a defensive reaction, not a mental disorder (Wasilewski 1-3). Hence, depression is a kind of habit of negative emotional perception of all surrounding factors.

Acceptance of Death (Humility)

The 5th and final stage of accepting grief is humility. Indeed, in reality, people do not always go through all the stages consistently, and not everyone comes to the stage of acceptance. The acceptance stage is expressed in the form of calm reflection on the past and the inevitable (Tyrrell). “Recognition” of grief is not an admission that life is terrible and no longer makes sense.

The process of humility implies that the problem does not allow a person to continue living a normal life, and it is necessary to step over it to develop further (Gregory). As a rule, the feelings of the “victims” are quite related. They may feel terrible and awful because the body does not want to be rebuilt from its normal state, and, on the other hand, they feel freedom and independence from the “psychological habit.” Eventually, as Susie forgives her killer, the girl’s father puts up with the state of affairs and makes futile attempts to fix the situation too. Finally, a person can accept the inevitability of death, or they can continue to feel fear but come to understand that misfortune may happen with everyone one way or another. Consequently, the inner pain is dulled sooner or later, and life returns to its usual course. A mourner, as in the case of Susie’s parents from “The Lovely Bones,” accepts the death of a loved one and, as it were, “let it go.” Gradually, grief decreases to the level of bright sadness, and memories shift from death to joyful events from the deceased’s life. Bouts of melancholy are becoming less frequent and weaker, and all this may indicate that the work of mourning is going on correctly and a person is adapting to grief.

Works Cited

Ann, Julie. “Learning To Be Happy Again After a Loss.” Everyday Health, 2017, Web.

Clarke, Jodi. “The Five Stages of Grief.” Verywell Mind, 2021, Web.

Garcia-Garcia, Jose Maria, et al. “Emotion Detection: A Technology Review.” Proceedings of the XVIII International Conference on Human Computer Interaction, no. 8, 2017, pp. 1-8. The ACM Digital Library, Web.

Gregory, Christina. “The Five Stages of Grief.” Remedy Health Media & PsyCom, 2021, Web.

Hidayat, Oksa.Jack Salmon’s Stages of Grief in Accepting Susie’s Death as Seen in Alice Sebold’s The Lovely Bones. 2018. Repository, an undergraduate thesis, Web,

“How Long Does Grief Last?” Sue Ryder, Web.

Lavery, Bryony and Alice Sebold. The Lovely Bones: Insight Pack. The Birmingham Repertory Theater, 2020. Exeter Northcott Theater, Web.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Grief: Coping with Reminders After a Loss.” Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER), Web.

Morrow, Angela. “DABDA: The 5 Stages of Coping with Death.” Verywell Mind, 2020, Web.

Rachmawati. Psychopath and The Role of Grief of Losing in The Lovely Bones Novel by Alice Sebold (2002): A Psychoanalytic Study. UMS ETD-db, an undergraduate thesis, Web.

Tyrrell, Patrick et al. “Stages of Dying.” StatPearls Publishing, 2021. National Center for Biotechnology Information, Web.

Wasilewski, Bohdan et al. “Depression as a Civilization-Deformed Adaptation and Defense Mechanism.” Insights Depress Anxiety, vol. 4, 2020, pp. 1-4. Heighten Science Publications Inc. (HSPI), Web.

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