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Talking about myself, I consider myself a 20-year-old university student who is still on her journey, figuring out where she really belongs. I was born and raised in Seoul, the capital of South Korea, until I was 8 years old. Being raised by supportive parents who tried their hardest to allow me and my brother to experience a better world, we were given the best of everything. I enjoyed the ‘Saturday Picnic’ with my family in the park nearby, and I also had loads of friends who had my back. Until then, I definitely was an outgoing person who always had a big smile on her face.
It was July 2007 when everything started to become a little different from what it used to be. Education… This was the only reason my parents had decided to move to Thailand, leaving everything behind. Although they are very open-minded in most aspects, our opinions were prioritized over other things, and they both had a distinct value toward education. Just like typical Asian parents, they taught us that education as well as graduating from a decent university plays a crucial role towards a successful future. They did not expect us to be the first above all, but to perform to the best of our ability.
I was placed in an American curriculum-based international school. I was amazed at how the school was gathered by people of different races, from various parts of the world. Luckily, I was a fluent English speaker and had no problems managing myself. Yet, the majority of my classmates and the staff were Thai and weren’t familiar with English. In need to communicate with them and to adapt to the new atmosphere, I was keen to learn the language along with their culture, moving one step forward as a globalized person.
However, everyone did not have the ‘learning attitude’ as I did. Being a Korean living in Thailand was a real struggle. Even though both countries are located on the same continent, Asia, racial discrimination was inevitable. I was often stared at by people and told to leave the country only because I was a foreigner. They chose to reject me rather than respect me. All those attentions and discrimination were just enough to make me conceal myself. Since then, I started seeing myself through the eyes of others. I was no longer a child full of laughter, no longer bright and jolly. Instead, I commenced to pretend and squished myself into the molds that others had made, hoping that it would make me feel better.
Eventually, I ended up losing the ‘real me’. I was made weaker and weaker by forcing myself to smile as being upset over those humiliations will make me seem faint-hearted. I sometimes hurt my own feelings by humbling myself, just like the others did. I realized that it was me who was pushing myself to the edge of the cliff more than anyone else. Not long after, I was assured that I had to speak out my own voice rather than keeping everything shut. I started to change. I started to have the courage to say things that weren’t correct. I started to give a hand to those who were like the ‘past me’, and finally I started to love myself.
Even though this still remains a pain deep in my heart, I surely believe that all these hurdles I faced have shaped me into who I am today and made me a tiny bit wiser than before. From those, I learned how to respect others and that being the odd one out definitely isn’t wrong, as well as that it isn’t your fault. I want to emphasize that the world is huge and blaming yourself solely because of the offensive minority is the same as harming yourselves. The more hardships you face, it is so much more important to speak for yourself, embrace yourself, and stand firm.
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