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My name is Audrey Lee and I was born on the 22nd of August, 1998 in Los Angeles, California. I had a happy, normal childhood. I attended a private primary preschool and after my little brother was born in April 2003, my family moved into a house in the suburbs outside of Los Angeles, California. I have attended public schools from elementary school to high school. Currently, I attend Menlo College, a private business school double-majoring in Marketing and Human Resources. It is difficult for me to pick a single life experience that has happened to have me develop my understanding of the “self,” but one life event stands out amongst the rest. Three years ago I lost someone who had a significant role in my life. Losing him I lost my sense of who I thought I was.
Growing up in the suburbs I learned early on to grow a thick skin. As the only Asian student in my elementary school and neighborhood, I was teased and bullied endlessly. Despite the social struggles I was having in school my growth of ‘thick skin’ also applied when talking to my parents about how my day at school went. From very early on I never liked talking about the problems I would face in my life because even though they are my parents I still feel like I would burden them. Kindergarten was a place for new beginnings for me and coming from downtown Los Angeles to a completely new zip code was a big change. A month went by and I was still friendless but despite the challenges I faced as a new student at a new school I eventually ended up meeting a sweet boy. He protected me, kept me company, and genuinely enjoyed talking to me. As years passed we watched each other flourish and become the people we were. Eventually, we attended different schools but never lost touch. He was my best friend. From kindergarten to junior year of high school the love we had was tested, processed, and projected in our friendship. The love was unconditional. So when I lost my best friend, I also lost myself.
Amongst all of the challenges that I have faced in life on the 24th of April, 2016 at 5:45 pm was one of the hardest events that I had ever imagined facing. On the 24th of April, 2016 I lost my best friend. I lost the person I spent more than half of my life with, told all my secrets to, and shared my time with. Losing him, I lost myself and thus the meaning of my existence. I was rapidly heading down the spiral of depression that I have been struggling with for a very long time. To say I am not depressed now would be the understatement of the century. The years following the death of my best friend have been the most challenging years of my life but also the most rewarding. I found myself questioning my self-worth and identity but also, discovering the meaning of what and who can make up my identity. Everyone tells you that your pain gets better with time and that you will be alright and grow from experiences like these. The pain does not get better with time you just learn how to cope with it more efficiently day by day. Someone who does not understand the meaning of coping or having a coping method struggles longer to find peace in their life. That someone is and was me. It is 2019 and I am now only letting myself feel. This man has been building me up since I was young. He taught me that it is okay to be selfless but to also be grounded enough so when and if I got taken advantage of I would always be able to get back up. Never be afraid to get hurt because getting hurt is a part of life and it opens your eyes to show you the strength that you never thought you had before. Always have courage no matter what and always love deeply.
The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Sometimes the universe shows you what people from your past are doing now, so you can see how far you have grown. Those who were once a frequency match, are now energetically a million miles away. Evolution and growth is a beautiful things.
My journey has molded me for my greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. I do not think that I have lost time. There is no short-cutting in life. It took each and every situation that I have encountered to bring me to the now. And now, is right on time. To say that I know who I am and what my purpose is in this life is still unclear but what I have learned is that I am stronger than I have ever been. I have a broader understanding of my inner self and over the years, the challenges that I have faced and overcome have developed a new outlook on what my life could be and who I could be.
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