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Growing up as a child my dad was never there for me. I always saw families including a mum and a dad and then I would look at mine and feel like something was missing. My mum separated from my dad before I could even walk so I never really knew what it was like to have a dad and I was always told I didn’t need one; however my mind still wondered if it would be better with one.
When I was younger my gran and grandpa lived in Lanzarote however me and my sister would always Facetime her so we knew who she was. She finally moved back home and we got to meet her and we always went on days out. She spoiled us so much all the time, I remember once she took me out shopping and bought me lots of new clothes and then we went for food. This happened when I was five and still to this day I remember it. Unfortunately, she then got diagnosed with breast cancer, and being five I didn’t understand how serious this was until my mum told me what this meant, however my gran being the positive person she was did not let this bother her and then took me and my sister on a trip to Disneyland Paris which was my first ever holiday. Again this was her spoiling us like rotten. A couple of months after Disneyland we then went to a caravan park and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world as I had never been spoiled so much in all my life. Fortunately, my gran bet cancer which I and my family were all really happy about. As I got older I now realize why she spoiled us so much, obviously, she still loved us no matter what but felt the need to spoil me and my sister over her eight grandchildren as we never had a dad to take us on these special days out and make us feel like the “luckiest girl in the world”.
When I was younger my dad attempted to make a little bit of effort now and then like this one time when he told my sister that we were going to meet the “real” Santa Claus being such a young age and how much he built this up we were so excited and couldn’t sleep the night before. The next day we got up and got dressed as quickly as we could, bearing in mind this was at 7 am. We continued to be excited thinking about how good the day was going to be and just imagining what it was going to be like. It came to about half an hour till my dad was meant to pick us up and my sister put our coats on and waited at the window for him to come. We were waiting for ages and ages still excited but half an hour had passed; it had now been an hour. Me and my sister standing at the window began to lose hope however we still stood there hoping that he could come for us. This never happened and it was left to my mum to tell us that he wasn’t coming. Me and my sister were gutted as we built up so much excitement for this trip and saw our dad that we cried all night thinking it was “our fault” or that we were “naughty” and that was the reason for us not going. This is the first memory of my dad.
Growing up I always watched my mum struggle as she had to work part time. The reason for this is that we had a parent when we came home from school as she always wanted to be there for us. She also struggled due to the lack of my dad’s maintenance money. By this time he had a new wife and kids. The wife had a lot of bad opinions on us and was not nice to us at all. Whenever my mum tried to get money from my dad so that she could feed us she would message my mum horrible things like “go get a job” even though she already had one. My dad never did anything about this which made me feel betrayed. I felt as if he preferred his new wife to his own two daughters.
My dad split up from his wife not that long ago which I was understandably relieved about. I was staying at my gran’s house and my dad came to visit which I was a bit surprised about as I hadn’t seen him in ages. When he came he asked if I wanted to go do something with him and I said yes as I thought it would be good to spend time with him. I felt pleased as he wanted to spend time with me. We went bowling and after went to an ice cream place, I started to look up at my dad and thought that this was him changing and that there would be many more days like this to come. When we went back to my grandma’s house he stayed the night and we stayed up all night watching movies and he went and got pizza at 3 am. My opinion had changed at this moment in time which I was delighted about. I went home the next day and told my mum about what an amazing time I had but she warned me it wouldn’t last long and I didn’t believe her. Anyway, the next week when I went to stay at my gran’s I asked where my dad was and my gran said he was in London for work which I was a bit gutted about as I wanted to see him but I didn’t think much of it. About two weeks later my mum had told me that no maintenance money had gone in but this was just the usual. My sister then checked his Facebook. He had been tagged in several posts of him in Lanzarote and he had gone there the day I left him. To this day I still haven’t seen him and he is still currently living in Spain.
However, from this experience, I have finally come to learn that I didn’t need a dad and that I’m probably better off without him. I have also learned that the family that is there for you are the ones you should look up to.
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