Ideas of Love: Western Civilizations

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Love as a power of transformation. Traditional Buddhist worldview vs. Western definitions of love/desire. An exploration of if the transformation depicted could be the ultimate sign of true/real love.

There are numerous powers that love appears to depict, yet the one that cokes our strongly from the poem by Jeff Wilson is one of transformation. As the poet has noted, “The scent of the lotus is thick and suddenly you are carried away on a wave of bliss”, this is an indication of the power of love to transform mere mortals into extraordinary beings. However was a mortal man getting carried away in a wave of bliss? In addition, the last sentence to this poem, “For from this sleep will come an awakening like no other, to change the world forever” is a clear indication that following this dream, this person shall never be the same again. There is also an indicating of the witnessing of a miracle, as exemplified by dancing cripples who have already been made whole. Certainly, a miracle may very well be described as a transformation, in addition to accompaniment of love. The blind men also share in the joy of seeing again, once their vision is restored. One could hypotheses that this is an Eastern view of love, as the situation described here resembles events leading to the attainment of nirvana, a state of being that is the ultimate goal in such religions as Hinduism and Buddhism, amongst others, and which have a firm establishment in the East.

Like Hinduism, Buddhism shares a related concern in as far as an overcoming of desire is concerned; by way of celibacy. Even then, celibacy as an issue has received a varied metaphysical context amongst Buddhists. The notion of suffering and impermanence are fundamental to the Buddhist worldview. As a result, the human race undergoes suffering, one that bears a connection with desire. The objective of practicing Buddhism, therefore, is to bring to an end this suffering, by way of “extinguishing of desire (Kornberg 2007). From such a context, therefore, celibacy occupies a central role in the Buddhist religion, seeing also that it is a requirement of both nuns and monks to assume celibacy as they take their vows. Through sexual activity renunciation, coupled with the associated complex actions and intentions series, renunciants have a chance to “begin to detach themselves from the impermanence of the world and transcend the ‘craving’ that characterizes human life” (Kornberg 2007). Following quenching of this craving, desire dissipates “like the flame of a flickering candle and the state of nirvana is obtained wherein no return to the endless cycle of birth and death exists” (Kornberg 2007).

On the other hand, the Western view of love and desire appears to contradict that from the East. The Western context of desire seems to tie sex with desire. In this case, sexual intercourse is seen as an act of gratifying the needs of the body, and as such, could be seen as more of a craving.

Mortimer and Weissman (2000) wonder whether a world that lacks sex would find the desire or better still, love. One cannot but help wonder what would happen in the vent that both love and desire existed in the world and if at all these two entities would be quite distinct. It is important to note that even in the absence of sex, desire would also be there for man tends to go thirsty, hungry, tired, and cold. In addition, the passions or emotions of fear and rage would also be present, as these too are man’s desires.

The transformation that Jeff Wilson describes in the Buddherotica could be described as the unlimited sign of true love, at least within the context of the Eastern version of love. This is because such a state that borders Nirvana is the ultimate goal for everyone to attain. It goes beyond the love for material things or the self. It is an experiencing of a state of mental and spiritual bliss, coupled with a divine transformation. If at all a mortal man could experience such a vision in their lifetime, then, without doubt, this very action may very well be regarded as the discovery of true love. Nowhere in this depiction do we see a desire for the happiness of self only. Rather, it is a situation that seeks to make life more bearable to the less fortunate, like giving sight to the blind and letting the crippled walk.

Conditions necessary for adultery to occur. An assessment on why societies in North American appear to place more emphasis on the act of adultery, as opposed to its root causes

The conditions that are necessary for adultery to take place are varied and diverse. One thing that we ought to put into consideration is that since adultery by definition reflects on sexual intercourse that involves adults, there must have been consent from the two parties. Fr. McSorley’s, through his publication, “The violence that is war”, offers conditions that must be present in order for ‘just adultery ‘to take place. To start with, adultery ought to be viewed by a couple as the last resort (Dines 2002). This means that over time, they should have tried and failed in pursuing other means of helping them get along well with their sex life. This could entail receiving advice from a third party, discussing amongst them, failed attempts at expressing affection, and reconciliation of differences.

In addition, just adultery means good intentions, that there is no intention of a participant harming either their spouse or the one with whom they are engaging in sexual intercourse. It is important to note that revenge as a result of one partner being unfaithful to the others might as well be considered a very probable cause of adultery. There are also other trivial things worth considering, like a desire to have more children, or even another home. This publication supports the notions of looking at adultery as a defense to love. In light of this, the writer argues that the cause behind committing adultery ought to be genuine affection and love for the one with whom a spouse is committing adultery, seeing that the very needs for adultery may not be satisfied through any other means (Dines 2002).
As such, there is a need to have pure intentions for both two parties (Foster & Froman 2006). Another condition for adultery is that it must be seen as protecting the innocent. What this means is that the partner that gets aggrieved ought not to be harmed. As such, it is necessary that efforts be made to maintain the action as a secret.
Consequently, not only should there not be open flaunting but that the aggrieved partners should also not get wind of the development. In the event that children get born as a result of adultery, then it is important both the partners in adultery take care of these. There is also a need to strike a balance between on the one hand, good intention and on the other hand, ban ones (Soble 1998). What this implies is that it is important that the foreseeable harm to both the absent partners as well as the children be weighed, relative to love and affection that the two partners are enjoying. A dwindling respect towards the bondage that is marriage, couple with the ensuing family life damage, gets offsets by the discernible escalation in human affection, love as well as respect for that person jeopardized by adultery’s social effects.
It is important to note that it is the indifferences that crop up within the relationship of a couple that drives them towards committing adultery. Without suffering and worry, life at times tends to be uninteresting and dull, and an individual interests wanes (Soble 1998). The need for adventure then sets in and this is how adultery is brought to the fore. Love, according to St. Paul, is kind and patient. It is thus the principle virtual of human beings. When a married person commits adultery however, his/her inner peace gets destroyed. That sacrament of marriage hinges on love as the unifying factor for a couple in “one flesh”. Furthermore, such love ought to be both mutual and sincere. Adultery, on the other hand, tends to hurt such a union, leaving in its wake suspicion, doubt, betrayal and deceit, and an eventual eroding of love. As can be seen, a better understanding of love in the first place goes a long way into reducing episodes of adultery.

The societies in North America appears to place more emphasis on the actual act of adultery, while at the same time turning a blind eye to the conditions that lead up to it. One would presume that it would be easier to fight the vice from its roots, as opposed to nurturing and growing it, only to condemn its end-product. However, there is a need to point out here that over time, the very definition of adultery has received diverse manipulations. As such, some actions that would otherwise have been regarded as being adulterous, ends up not being so. This is a true mark of a tolerant society. For instance, in New York, an adulterer is defined as that person who “engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse” (Foster & Froman 2006).

On the other hand, the state of North Carolina has defined adultery as the act taking place at a time when a woman and a man “lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together”(Foster & Froman 2006). The law in Minnesota on the other hand, indicates that “when a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery” (Trevas et al 1997). As can be seen, there are various discrepancies that surrounds the very definition of the term adultery, amongst the various states. All of these definitions of course explore the final act that is adultery, and no mention is made therefore of the causes of adultery. In virtually all the societies in the East, adultery bears a significant inclination towards religion. As such, adultery is frowned upon by the society and religion as well.

In North American and especially in the United States, there exists a separation of church and state and for this reason, one could hypothesize that at times, the Church may want to condone adultery while at the same time also focusing on the root causes of adultery. On the other hand, there is a state that stands out to protect the privacy of all, regardless of their religious affiliations. As such, a conflict of interest may ensue. Furthermore, criminal penalties have also been instituted in the United States and these tend to vary from one state to the other (Kornberg 2007). Besides, the United States Supreme Court issued out a decision in 1965 that relates to sexual intimacy and privacy amongst consenting adults.

There are numerous reasons as to why a person may engage in adultery. More often than not, the underlying causes of adultery get overshadowed by the secondary ones. For example, a woman may resort to adulteration when she feels that her spouse no longer satisfies them sexually. It could also be as a result of waned affection and consequently, attraction. Nevertheless, all these issues point to the fact that such a couple have a poor form of communication for if they were communicating in an effective manner, certainly they would be in a position to resolve such matters without jeopardizing their marriage. It may also be insinuated here that adultery could also be an indication of selfishness on the part of one partner (Trevas et al 1997). When a couple gets married, the idea is to have them united as one. With time, they get to knowing each other better. Affection and love then develops over time. Therefore, adultery may be deemed immoral to the extent that one partner is deceiving the other. Even in the absence of deception, the morality of adultery may be less likely a plausible option as it is a betrayal to trust and friendship.

A comparative assessment of Taoist idea of participation in sex with participation in prostitution and pornography

The issue of morality and prostitution has enjoyed along relationship with religion. As such, these issues may very well be seen as quite inseparable. From the biblical perspective, it is often the women that engaged in prostitution that were the targets. They are often seen as immoral and therefore unclean, so to speak. No mention is made of the men that they had sex with. Seeing that oppression and violence was mainly directed to the women, it is important though to appreciate that in the society in which we live today we have believers and non-believers alike, Christians, Hindus and Muslims, amongst other religions. Nevertheless, all these distinct faithful are unified by virtue of their human nature, seeing that their religious believes may differ. As humans, there we ought to respect the laws that govern us. Even then, the legality and morality of prostitution should be a counterbalance between the biblical teachings on the one hand, and the laws of the land on the other hand (Ditmore 2006). This way, we give each of us space and privacy. However, it is important that we respect the decision and view of the church, as it has moral basis for arguing against prostitution.

The Taoist teaching on sexuality dates as far back as the 2^nd century. In addition, these teachings appear to have been “closely integrated in its overall cosmology” (Clarke 2000). As Clarke has further noted, “ the sexual act was viewed primarily not in terms of pleasure, or even the production of offspring, but rather as an active participation in the life enhancing processes” (Clarke 2000). These ‘life enhancing processes’ Clarke has noted, are deemed as a significant in the self-cultivation process. Such an observation is in sharp contrast to participation in prostitution and pornography. Here, money and self-gratification appears to be the driving forces. In prostitution and pornography, the participants do not engage in these acts for purposes of procreation, health to their bodies or happiness. It is more of a craving or desire, as opposed to mutuality.

Clarke has also quoted Douglas Wile, a sinologist, who asserted that “The followers of the sexual school of Taoism encouraged the development of a sexual sensibility that invested every act of coalition…. with an indelible metaphysical significance” (Clarke 2000). What this appear to imply is that the immediate goal techniques of sex was for purposes of enhancing ‘life-giving’ sexual essence, by way of sexual stimulus. In addition, care was also taken not to lead to a possible loss of the same. Apparently, sexual essence for purposes of love giving seems to lack in both prostitution and pornography. Instead of glorifying and respecting the act of sex, it has instead been commercialized, meaning that it is more of a money making venture as opposed enhancing ‘life giving’.

Taoism teaching holds the view that the female orgasm, relative to that of a male, appear to augment their vital essence, in addition to that of the man with whom they have sex with. For his reason, it was quite fashionable that a man could engage in sexual intercourse with numerous partners, in a bid to “absorb as much as possible the vital essence released by the women in orgasm” (Clarke 2000).Taoism harbours a general view to the effect that abstaining from intercourse tended to be harmful. In addition, Clarke writes that “the drawing together of yin and yen elements produced health, harmony and long life” (Clarke 2000), and so the more reason why a lack of sex was deemed harmful. In reference to sexual activity, domination has more to do with “playing with power dynamics” (Ditmore 2006).

Prostitutes, along with other sex workers are usually inclined and willing to incorporate these kinds of activities, in as far as their work is concerned. Apparently, sex workers may have less control when faced with humiliating scenes from clients, seeing that most of the clients tend to objectify them. Such dehumanizing activities may include burning them with cigarettes, spanking and hair pulling. On the other hand, the sex workers have a controlling effect on the finances of a client, such as a management over their credit cards, in addition to going shopping at the expense of their clients.

The issues of decriminalizing and legitimizing of prostitution have enjoyed a fare share of hot debate amongst proponents and opponents alike. Nevertheless, there is a need to ensure responsibility over one’s life, especially in a case whereby sexually active people are involved. Making prostitution illegal may not be the way forward, seeing that it is the oldest profession, older than even a majority of the religions. That said there is a need to impose legal penalties to the brothels that operates without a license, and therefore fails to remit taxes. This should also apply to licensed sex pros that fail to pay tax. In addition, brothel officials that subject their sex workers to causal sex with clients without protection should also be charged.

Exploring heterosexism as a sub-category of sexism. A view of the Western culture as primarily hetero-centrist

Heterosexism refers to bias, negative attitudes as well as discrimination in preference to relationships and sexuality of the opposite sex. This definition goes on to take the assumption that all are individuals are heterosexuals, a rather generalized approach. In other words, heterosexism rests on a premise that relationships and attraction of the opposite sex are often the norm and as such, they take the center-stage. It is quite possible for individuals with divergent sexual orientations to harbor such an attitude. Dines (2002) has described heterosexism as being “encoded into and characteristic of the major social, cultural, and economic institutions of our society” (Dines 2002).

Heterosexism, though a term that has established itself quite well, often times gets described as having been coined from the term sexism. If we were to portray heterosexism as a set of attitudes and beliefs, we would then find out that this term hinges upon fundamental tents, and this therefore appears to distant itself from bisexuality and homosexuality (Kornberg 2007).

Within the mindset or ideology of a heterosexist, sexual orientation as a concept in either deemed irrelevant, or rejected altogether. On the other hand, sexism as a term was first coined during the 20^th century, in reference to the attitude or belief that one of the two sexes of genders could be less valuable or inferior to, in comparison with the other.

In addition, sexisms could also be used while referring to a prejudice towards or hatred of either of the two sexes, as a while. In addition, it might also refer to stereotypical applications of femininity with respect to women or masculinity in terns of the men (Ditmore 2006). Other authors have also referred to it as female and male chauvinism (Ditmore 2006). Sexism has led to “the subjugation of women to men” across diverse cultures, historically. In light of this, a majority of the women and men espousing masculinsm and feminism, in addition to other forms of ideologies, have attempted to dismiss beliefs about sexism.

As long as there continues to be a discrimination against the sexual inclination of a certain groups by say, the larger majority, then it can be expected that such individuals that may almost always get drawn to members of the same sex, with whom they have a chance of finding acceptance and accommodation in, seeing that they share similar values. This in itself acts to propagate same sex relationships and marriage. In the absence of such discrimination as depicted by sexism, then there is also a possibility that they might get an approval and acceptance from the society.

The Western culture has been depicted as one that is hetero-centrist. What this means is that we as a society have come to appreciate and include in heterosexism as a form of sexuality. This behaviour has mainly been propagated by the numerous magazines and newspapers that seem to glorify heterosexual beings, at times depicting these as being successful role model worth of emulation (Ditmore 2006). Furthermore, pornographic movies also seem to glorify heterosexism.

After answering questions from the “Are My Attitudes Heterosexist?” Test, I realized that in most of the instances, we as the society condone the heterosexual actions of individuals without first minding about how they might have landed in the situation that they find themselves in, in the first place. For starters, a person may become a heterosexual genetically, by way of socialization, as a result of pressure from parents who may be heterosexual themselves, or even as a result of a prior traumatic experience from a heterosexual person. In addition, this test has enlightened me in the sense that it is quite possible for one to group out of this condition. Furthermore, the root cause of heterosexual behaviour could be as a result of a neurotic fear of individuals of a similar sex. If at all individual could be exposed to these findings, then it would be quiet possible to make individual diagnoses regarding this problem. As such, people may also be helped to get out of this situation after making a discovery of their problem.

An assessment of the question, “What in life might fit into this category of mediocre, convenient, or conventionally expected? Can it be changed?”

The societies in the Western culture have time and again been accused of being too fast-paced, reactive and too detracted, to the extent that we are not able to learn who we really are. Moreover, the very idea of loving ourselves is almost alien. In the absence of learning us first, how then, do we expect to love other? What yardstick might we use to love others, seeing that we lack a standard fro loving us first?

Dollimore (1998) describes love as being the ultimate surrender of ‘oneself in the other, even in this most extrinsic being of death, the death of the absolute representation of the limits of life”. (Dollimore 1998). Here, Dollimore refers to the love of Christ over the church, one that led to his eventual dying on the cross. Dollimore further adds that the death of Christ could be a symbol of a sacrificial death, which in itself depicts “an act of absolute satisfaction” (Dollimore 1998). The dialect depiction of love by humans offers the promise of significant “sense of completion in the other; the sublime transcendence of bad infinity which also entails a loss of the self” (Dollimore 1998).

Love appears to distinguish between on the one hand, the self and on the other hand, the other. Nevertheless, it is quite difficult for one to differentiate one from the other. Indeed, it is the feeling of consciousness of the identity of the two that is a true manifestation of love. This is what happens when we, as human beings get to be at peace and satisfied not just with ourselves only, but also with this other (Dollimore 1998). This other referred to as here, by virtue of its existence outside of ourselves only bears a correlation with us due to our being conscious about it. By the mere act of human beings experiencing their own identity within themselves and in this other, this is what gives them feeling, intuition and identity of their unity. It is this phenomenon that Dollimore has referred to as love.

It is important to note here that the individuals in the western culture may not be said as loving themselves, literary, as they ought to, if the amount of distractions, reactive-ness and speed that characterizes this culture is anything to go by. In this haste, the individuals of the Western culture ends up not loving themselves enough, or at least as we ought to. In addition, their portrayal for the love of others is also quite wanting. Ours is more of a materialistic culture, in which personal advancement and enhanced wealth appears to be our overrated virtues. This is in sharp contrast with the cultures in the East or indeed the developing countries in Africa. Here, love is manifested more by the art of giving, and despite these communities not being endowed with material wealth, they at least have been blessed with much love for others, and self too.

Nevertheless, this should by no means be taken to mean that we hate ourselves, far from it. Being egocentric and arrogant is not a mark of loving oneself, characteristics that appear to be more common amongst our culture more than any other. What this could imply is that we are awake to the realization that before you can love another you have to love you first. Indeed, it is a mark of a culture of people that are alive to the notion of humanness, coupled with compassion and acceptance. Nevertheless, all this love for self in the long run, does not entirely fulfil our desires, and gain with seek for love in other forms. This is a void that not even material possessions may fill. At this point, it would be vital if we as a people, could be honest with our feelings, and explores to cultivate love and affection that would ultimately quench our thirst.

Even a total alignment with an ethnic orientation or religious inclinations may not offer us much hope if at all we do not find peace and happiness amongst ourselves., therefore, it is only by way of becoming aware of our predicament, coupled with being honest with our feelings, intuitions even, that we could be on our path towards salvation. These are key elements which when accompanied by the truth, prepares the ground for the planting of the seed of love.

Works cited

Clarke, James. The Tao of the west: western transformations of Taoist thought. London: Routledge, 2000.

Dines, Gail. Gender, Race, and Class in Media: A Text-Reader. New York: Wiley, 2002.

Ditmore, Melissa. Encyclopedia of prostitution and sex work. Oxford: Greenwood Publishing, 2006.

Dollimore, Jonathan. Death, desire and loss in Western culture. London: Routledge, 1998.

Foster, John & Froman, Wayne. Thresholds of Western culture; identity, postcoloniality. Continuum International Publishing Group, 2006.

Kornberg, Greenberg. Encyclopedia of love in world religions. Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO, 2007.

Mortimer, Jerome & Welshman, Max. How to think about the great ideas. London: Wiley, 2000.

Soble, Alan. Sexual investigations. New York: NYU Press, 1998.

Robinson, Richard. The Buddhist religion: a historical introduction (3^rd Ed). Belmont, Calif: Dickenson Pub. Co., 2000.

Trevas, R, Zuker, A & Borchert, D. Philosophy of Sex and Love. New York: Prentice Hall, 1997.

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Ideas of Love: Western Civilizations

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