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Hello, I need help revising my personal statement for entrance into law school.

Hello, I need help revising my personal statement for entrance into law school. I did an example, but I need someone to go through it and pretty much rewrite it where i would stand out from the other students.
Below is a link to the personal statements that they prefer. Its from their website. I have also included my personal statement attached. https://www.law.nova.edu/admission/PersonalStateme…