Friendship from a Sociological Perspective

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Friendship refers to reciprocity and obligation between unrelated individuals. Friendship varies from casual to deep relations. Adults form friendships that reflect on class variations. Graham urges that friendships in working places have kin links though workmates and neighbours are also featured. Middle classes are more concerned with personal interactions and are conscious of the people they choose as friends (1989). Friendship involves a concern for your friends.

There are no set criteria for what qualifies one to be a friend or not (Graham 1996). Friendships though said to be voluntary and personal they are controlled by class, age, ethnicity, gender and geography (Graham 1989). Even with the flexibility in personal life there is still a cultural boundary between friendships and family (Graham 2008).

People in social relations are associated with more positive feeling and happiness while those not in social relations are generally considered unhappy (Derek 1967). In friendships friends depend on each other for personal identity and support. They also recognize that they need space to form other relations and thorough this there is growth and maturity (Pahl 2000).

Stereotype is also experienced in friendship. For example Brazilians studying in Europe and United States were met with the stereotypes that Brazilians are warm people and are easy to establish friendships. They are also said to have greater emotionality (Rezende 1993). This notion reinforces ones nationality and this affects negotiations between two people.

In some societies close friendship between people of the same sex is looked at skeptically. In fact relationships of the same sex relationships are condemned in many societies. In other societies same sex relationships are recognized. The usage of words such as homosexuals, lesbians is used with a lot of care so as to be politically correct. People involved in same sex relationships defend themselves that what they have is love the only difference is that they feel it towards a person of the same sex. Some have even tried to have children and people in heterosexual relations say this is wrong.

These kinds of relationships are a controversial issue and a lot of debate is going on about legalizing same sex marriages (Weeks et al. 2001).

Young people at one point in their lives live with non-kin in shared household. Due to this sharing of apartments a relationship develops. These shared households have characteristics that make them look like domestic settings (Heath 2004).

We have friendships at different levels first we have the middle class where friendships are clear. When people meet and they like one another they form a relationship. This relationship is extended by getting involved in one anothers social contexts. Thus people will invite their friends over to entertain them in their homes (How to be a friend). In the middle class friends share social activities and seek moral support in return.

However for the working class friendship organization is different they are only bound by the setting of interaction. This means that workmates do not meet outside the workplace unless they happen to share interests in other activities. For instance they could meet in a golf course or at a club. Friends made in these circles are invited home (Graham 1996).

Men and women form friendships differently. Men are emotional reticent thus afraid of exposing their emotions. On the contrary women are emotionally accomplished and more articulate. Men are less likely to make friends at the work place. This is due to the competitive nature of the business environment and thus they become rivals. This would explain the reason why they would not have time to make friendships.

Women on the other hand are likely to form close friends at work because they are more focused on conversation. However, is difficult to now base friendship experience on this assumption due to the change in education patterns, leisure (with more people preferring home based entertainment like watching television), employment patterns, telephone and internet use, concentration in nuclear families that have influence how people interact in groups or associations (Doyle and Smith 2002).

Friendship experience changes with age and the kind of friendships we make in adulthood are based on the kind of friendship one formed as a child. Though this can change as people are dynamic for instance one might have been unable to make meaningful friendships while young due to being bullied and yet in adulthood one meets other people and form friendships. The context and setting have a great role in friendship. Friendship requires time to develop and this is impacted by the social environment.

(Adams and Allan 1998) say friendships with kin are important than with non-kin to the older people. They feel more secure with their family members. They are very happy when their family members take care of them. Friendship seems to be more important to people as they get older. Family and relatives die and they leave gaps that are taken by friends who console. For those without children or those who live far away from their family friends come in handy (Pahl 2000).

Friendships are shared among people with similar position. This helps to maintain the status quo (Graham 1998).social groups are determined by the economic level, social and cultural settings. This ensures that people only end up socializing with people from their level and this is passed on from one generation to another

In some societies exchanging of gifts is very important in friendship. Giving gifts involve giving, receiving and reciprocating. There is also the consideration of the to whom, how, when, and what to give.(Miller1993). Friendship among the middle class in the English culture did not involve exchanging of gifts. Instead they cooked for one another i.e. give food gifts. This also followed the rules of giving other gifts but one did not have to reciprocate with food but with drinks. This is because not every one could cook. Thus one bringing drinks over emphasized on commensality. One had also to be careful not to over praise the cook as this would have been translated to mean one had to reciprocate by cooking by feeling indebted (Miller 1993). The meeting was considered more important than the food as this was an important time to socialize.

Inviting friends at home is seen as an ultimate act of friendship by sociologists. This is because when you take time and invite a person to your home it means you accept them as they are. You also reveal yourself to them just as you are by allowing a friend to come to your home. They are able to see your living habits and even some things that are not presentable. This way they see we are not perfect and that we are human (How to be a friend). When we invite friends we have an opportunity to show them hospitality. When we are at the table we get a chance to talk and open up to each other. This helps to create lasing friendships.

Dinner invitations have a very significant role in our friendships. They help in perpetuating class especially for the middle class. Food is a site in which identity is done (Lupton 1994). In the middle class food plays a major role in maintaining of friendship (Warde and Martens 2000). Dinner invitations are very frequent in friendship. Couples held dinner in varied frequencies, for others they would do two or three dinners in a year.

When we invite people for dinner we expect them to see us at our best. People take time to plan what to cook for their guests. We put a lot of effort in ensuring that dinner will be successful. During this time we remove our treasured china ware to serve our guests. Food served is of high quality to ensure that distinctions in class are made according to ones social class. Extraordinary recipes are used to ensure that one portrays a bit of sophistication. Some people will host very expensive dinners though this does not make one score highly (Rezende1993).

A lot of energy is spent in preparing food. This shows the friends invited that they are special. One chooses dishes that the guests would prefer. This ensures that the guests are entertained and satisfied with the kind of food served. These dinners are a show and sometimes the host is very nervous as they would not want anything to go amiss. One has to horn their hosting skills (Barcdellos and Rezende 1999). Some people even claim they keep records of what they served to avoid serving the same food in the subsequent dinners.

When one is invited for dinner they will also take time and make sure they are at their best. Some will even go ahead and shop for new clothes to attend the dinner. They know they have been invited because they matter. Some may even decide to bring a gift to the host. During this time people get to talk and get to know one another on a personal level.

Deep and mutual friendships may be formed during the dinner invitation. People will meet for dinner one time and if they like what they see they may end up even going on dates and eventually may get married.

Even in the work place some may decide to discuss a work related issue over dinner. This set up presents an informal setting and the business partners are able to drop the formalities and relate at a more personal level. This helps to remove misconceptions that people may have had about others (Walker 1995).

Inviting friends over to our houses for dinner is very important. It ensures that were keep interacting face to face thus maintaining relationships. In this age of advancement in communication technology it is very easy to lose the human touch. People can become strangers to one another when they choose to communicate through mobile phones and the internet. A dinner invitation is a great way to ensure that we get a chance to share a joke over a meal that makes life interesting.

In conclusion friendship is very important in society nowadays. Societies are bound by different types of bonds than the earlier generations. Society is changing and friendships too. Friends are increasingly being considered more than kin in the social tasks and functions. The meaning of friendships is also changing the expectations are growing such that we tend to judge our relationship with our kin on the basis of whether we are as close to friends (Pahl 2000).

Friendships according to studies done by psychologists, epidemiologists and psychologists have found out that people in friendships have a higher life expectancy, greater mental health and high chances of surviving attacks from diseases like cancer. Friends can also help one to get a job Are you in a friendship? Get yourself in one as the advantages are numerous.

References

Adams, R. G. and Allan, G. 1998. Placing Friendship in Context, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Barcdellos, Rezende, C. 1999, Building Affinity Through Friendship, Berg, Oxford, pp. 79-97. Web.

Derek L.P. 1967. Social Participation and Happiness, The American Journal of Sociology, 72, 5, pp. 479-488.

Doyle, M. E. and Smith, M. K. 2002 Friendship: theory and experience, the encyclopedia of informal education.

Graham, A. 1989. Friendship: Developing a sociological perspective, Hemel Hempstead: Harvester Wheat sheaf.

Graham, A. 1996. Kinship and Friendship in Modern Britain, Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Allan, Graham, A. 2008). Flexibility, Friendship and Family, Personal Relationships 15, pp. 1-16.

Heath, S (2004), Peer Shared Households, Current Sociology 52 (2), pp. 161-182.

How to be a friend. 2009. Web.

Miller, W. 1993. Humiliation. Ithaca: Cornell University Press.

Lupton, D.1994. Food Memory and Meaning-the Symbolic and Social Nature of Food Events. Sociological Review, 42 (4): 664-685.

Pahl, R. 2000. On Friendship, Cambridge: Polity.

Rezende, C. 1993. Friendship among some English Young Men and Women Residents.

in London, 1991-1992. PhD Thesis, London Scholl of Economics- London.

Walker, K. 1995. Always There For Me; Friendship Patterns and Expectations Among Middle- and Working-Class, Sociological Forum, 10 (2): 273-296.

Warde, A., Martens, L. 2000. Eating Out: Social Differentiation, Consumption and Pleasure, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Weeks, Jeffrey, Heaphy, B. and Donovan, C. 2001, Families of choice: the changing context of non-heterosexual relationships in Same sex intimacies: families of choice and other life experiments, London, Rout ledge.

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Friendship from a Sociological Perspective

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