Category: Personal Life

In today’s competitive business world, firms are focusing their efforts on increasing organisational sustainability in order to acquire a competitive advantage. Fundamentally, sustainability is concerned with three sorts of performance dimensions: economic, social, and environmental, all of which are necessary for both the environment and companies. Employees are considered as key players in deciding the organization’s long-term viability in an organisational framework.

As a result, firms are increasingly forced to focus on human resource management (HRM) in order to ensure their long-term viability. Because without employee participation and dedication, establishing organisational sustainability becomes impossible. As a result, in recent years, businesses have been focusing on implementing a variety of high-performance HR practises and methods to increase employee job performance, such as training, performance appraisal, remuneration, career development, teamwork, and so on.

Among HRM practises, creating work-life balance (WLB) is regarded as one of the most important high-performing HRM practises that has a significant impact on employee performance. The preservation of a balance between duties at work and at home is known as work-life balance. Several academics have claimed that enhancing an employee’s work-life balance has a significant impact on their satisfaction, dedication, and engagement.

From the employee’s perspective, WLB entails striking a balance between work and home duties. Employers see work life benefits as rewards or working circumstances that help employees balance their personal and professional lives. The impact of family responsibilities on work was initially the focus of the idea of work-life conflict. It now includes the effects of employment on personal stress, relationships, and family well-being.

Job-to-family conflict arises when work experiences interfere with family life, such as rigid work hours, work overload, workplace interpersonal conflict, and a supervisory organisation that is unsupportive. When family experiences interfere with work life, such as primary duty for children, elder care responsibilities, interpersonal conflict within the family unit, or unsupportive family members, family-to-work friction arises.

Furthermore, promoting work-life balance helps to reduce employee absenteeism and attrition. Work-life balance refers to the creation and maintenance of supportive and healthy work environments that allow employees to strike a balance between work and personal obligations, hence increasing employee loyalty and productivity.

Employees who feel well at work and at home, for example, are more likely to be satisfied with their employment, to be dedicated to the company, and to engage in supportive behaviours toward the organisation, according to scientific research.

Employees are more concerned about their work-life balance before accepting a job offer, in addition to the income and other advantages. This gets more challenging as many suitable applicants may be in dual-career families and must take their spouse’s or partner’s work into account while making their own career decisions.

Furthermore, in order to avoid work-life conflict, employees do not express an interest in working in areas other than their home town. Many companies nowadays acknowledge the necessity of cultivating a culture that encourages employees to balance their work and family obligations.

To boost employee performance, businesses attempt to implement work-life balance methods such as flexitime, teleworking, and so on. Furthermore, technological advancements have aided in the transformation of the nature of employment by allowing people to work from a variety of locations, including their own homes.

According to Redmond, Valiulis and Drew (2006) the work-life balance (WLB) as the flexible working environment allows employees to balance personal and employment responsibilities.

As a result, it has become a vital topic that affects both private and public sector workers. Furthermore, WLB balance has a direct impact on a person’s social, emotional, psychological, and economic well-being, in addition to their personal life and professional role. All of these issues manifest themselves in a person’s productivity, which has an unavoidable impact on employee performance. Employees are a highly valued asset in any organisation. Actively engaging people in enhancing their performance is all it takes to run a productive, successful firm. Hence, based on the preceding logic, it is conceivable to improve employee job performance by improving their work-life balance.

I have decided to write my life and what it was like to me being in care and how difficult I found it to fit in with other students and how my whole life I have found it hard to cope with going through what I have.

The form of text I have decided to show this off is an autobiography. I feel like this is the best way to show off my work because it shows my story and what I have been through. I feel like an autobiography was the best way to showcase my work since it is my life and how I feel.

Writing an autobiography to me interests me more than saying something like a blog because I can write more in the autobiography and I feel like I want others to know what I have been put through rather than just a select group of people. I want people to know what it feels like to be different rather than having a normal life.

To me, my life has never been normal with being moved to and from foster carers and in between homes because of being told different reasons all changing but the person I more trust is my mum. I had been raised in being told that I was in carer because my mum never loved me or because my mum never wanted me. To find out that my whole life I have been put in care and that my mum was wanting me back from day one. I also know that I can trust my mum more because the carers I were living with said that my mum never wanted me back and if they could have it their way and they tried to adopt me and my sister. I knew they were lying when my brother went home which left me heartbroken because it wasn’t from my own brother I learned it. I was very close to him growing up.

To start with my autobiography I researched different types of autobiographies like Anne Frank, and Jennifer Worth and even looked at other autobiographies of different people who have been or who are going through the foster system. Reading through them I felt myself being more upset I don’t know if it’s because I have been through the same fate or because of how different they were treated to how I was treated. I feel like it’s important for people to know that not every person is raised with care. I mean my carers were horrible to me, my sister, and my brother. Sure they took us away and everything and they took us to different places and then took us away and everything and sure we still have some good times with them but however, behind closed doors they were different. They treat us more like vermin rather than children and I knew I had to grow up faster and not really have a childhood. They treat us differently from other children our age and to their own and tried to reason that it’s because they are their kids. Like how they made me and my sister go to clubs every night so they could go out for a meal and they made sure that we only ate a bit. Or the fact that they use to weigh our food out and made us lose weight and make us underweight when we returned to our mum. Or the fact that never let us have sweets unless it was a special occasion which only ended up being on holiday. Or the fact that they managed to rob me and my sister blind and we never knew. All because we were going to Florida Orlando and I and my sister wanted to go to one particular park and well social services paid for us and they made me and my sister give them the money for the two of us to go. I use to hate it. I use to hate how they treat my brother and my sister and me. Even their other foster kids that they were looking after before us. It wasn’t until we got back in with our mum that we found out that they were in question about something they did well more the woman and her two sons rather than the male. But it was still bad.

Being in care was one of the hardest things for me. I also wrote the autobiography because of how I feel now. I look back and remember them more as villains rather than a nice family. Like I said ‘ I think there were only two lots of carers that I and my sister stayed with that never treat us any differently than their own kids.’[] I was only ever in two foster carers who actually cared about me and my sister and my brother. I wish there was more but there isn’t.

Another reason I have decided to write about the specific topic of my life along with my sister and brother-in-care is that I have never actually really done something like this before. I wanted to show people the troubles I faced because people look at me and sometimes just pinpoint that I had a good life and that with the close connections I have with my brother and sister that there is no reason behind it but there is. I wish that people would see that more which is why right now it’s harder for me to feel like I am because I never had my brother in my life much growing up and now with everything else going on with him I feel like I can’t actually breathe properly since it been harder on the whole family. My mum went from not having him to not having him again to go back and forth and now finds it hard to maintain what has happened. However, I went from not having him there in my life to having him to not having him and then back to not, and now I find it harder with me growing up because when he was there he was there and helped me through the most troubling times of my life and now he isn’t there to help me all over again. I feel like I’m in this void and I can’t get back out of it. With the loss of my granddad not too long ago as well and he was always there for me growing up. He let me and my sister still go and see him even when the carers did ring our mum up to say not to bother going to see us because we were too busy. Then they ring him to tell him that his daughter is ill.

Right now my whole life just feels empty and that it’s a waste. I feel like I can hardly breathe every time I think of my past life I want everything to end so suddenly that I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about anything that has happened. I had my brother and now he is gone since he was being an idiot I have my sister but she doesn’t enjoy talking about our past with my mum it just upsets her so much that she couldn’t help us more growing up and how she has missed the different aspects of our life like she wasn’t there when we started secondary how she wasn’t there when we went through all the harder times and my granddad who I usually talk to things like this with is no longer here. Sure he would make a joke but that’s how he has always been about everything. He always knew how to put a smile on my face and I am still not over his death. I still feel like he is here. That he is where he used to live and sitting in the window reading. I wish he was still here though.

Another key point of my autobiography is to tell people that it’s ok if you feel like how you are it’s only natural after being moved away from your parents but it will eventually get easier. To this day I still feel like it’s my own fault that I went into care even though I know it’s not but it still doesn’t stop me from feeling that way. I feel like I want everything to stop and even more on some days I feel like I need more comfort than days that I don’t. When I am down and depressed I feel like being on my own so I do. I never talk to anyone and keep myself to myself. I know it’s stupid because when you’re alone you think more which is why my family is trying to get me out of it but I think back to what I would have missed if I did just end it all. I wouldn’t be with my family now. I wouldn’t be where I am. Sure at times, I think to myself that I would go back and change everything and I would make it seem like I wouldn’t have anything change but I would. If I could my whole life would be different.

Looking through my autobiography I feel like I want to continue my own autobiography to inform people more about my life and how I have had trouble I would make it seem more in chronological order of events that happened instead of the way that I have written it this time. I would make sure that I have had the key points in my life and added more to what I thought and felt at the times in my life and how I would have changed it through my life to see it in a new light rather than what I am seeing it right now.

Looking at the works of Jennifer Worth’s memories ‘Call the Midwife’ I liked the idea of how Jennifer Worth wrote about her life in the east end and how she overcame different tasks that she wanted to achieve in her life and wrote it like a story or more specifically of other people playing the characters. So if I continued I would like to do something like that and make myself a person and my life is shown through someone else’s eyes rather than my own to show the different aspects of life I have ever been through so that way people know that not all life is what it seems.

The exercise that inspired me to write about my life is growing up I never had any help. I just had to take each day as it came and I never knew that life could be living I felt like I was more closed off to the world rather than in it as though I was just an observer rather than the person living it. I would have liked someone to tell me differently than what I have had throughout my life is worth what I have had now. I would have liked the idea of someone telling me that everything would be ok and that I would be safe even if I was away from my mum.

Looking back now through the whole life writing process I feel like I now know that it has a deeper meaning behind it instead of just one lot of facts that life writing can be about anything that you want it to be.

Managing a ship without experience and courage was never been easy. The captain and his crew might prepare for some conditions or unexpected events that they may experience in the middle of the sea. The Essex, the name of the ship, was run by Captain George Pollard with the help of Owen Chase and his men. In that movie, I preferred Chase as captained the Essex over Pollard since he thought about his crew and he was knowledgeable enough to manage a ship and go hunting whales. Additionally, they also said that Chase have more experience because he was a veteran whaler. He was born to do whaling and he knows how to deal with a situation over Pollard.

In that film, Nantucket was a place where whaling is one of their habits of living. There were individuals who were called whalers. They hunt whales in able to get oil from them, for some reason. In spite of the fact that he endure and encountered the feeling of being stranded because of that unexpected event during their expedition, Pollard still chose to continue and manage a ship after that and I think he wants to prove something. Maybe, he does not want to defile his family name. Also his pride, I know he wants to gain his reputation.

The Essex with its captain, George Pollard, has encountered different struggles. It affects all the people on that ship. After knowing their conditions, despite everything, they kept on fighting and did not lose any hope. However, just a few of them survived that calamity. At that time, we know that Chase has more experience with regard to whaling but there is a boy, named Nickerson, a fourteen-year-old boy who joins the crew of the Essex. It was his first time doing that kind of job. Also, it was Nickerson who experience that kind of event even at that age. It’s hard to imagine that he’s a young boy, but he’s able to survive it. Despite all the circumstances, he did not lose hope until they returned to Nantucket.

Every single one on this Earth has a purpose. Even the smallest animal has its purpose and we must know that all life is important. Animals are not just animals; they are our main source of food, they play a vital role in our ecosystem because most of them are the one who completes the food chain, but not all animals should be killed for food, even whales. Whales are wonderful animals that God just made, as well as other sea creatures. They are the largest mammals on Earth, but it’s sad to think that not all last forever because some of them became extinct. In that case, even though it is in the time of 1819, whaling in Nantucket is unethical. There is more source of oil, not just a whale but they lack enough knowledge about it. Also, getting oil from whales for their own uses was not a valid justification to slaughter a whale. Just do not let us come to the point that their race is extinct because of our own sake. They are also alive, they have feelings too.

There are things we really do not expect and in that movie, Henry Coffin plays a huge role. In the early part of the movie, Coffin is eager to exploit his familial connection with Captain Pollard for his own benefit. But in the later part, Coffin turns into a different person. He was the first one who sacrificed his very own self for the sake of other people. There you can see that being bad is not natural to humans. There are things that we think we can’t do, but for the sake of our loved ones and those who are important to us, we can.

The tragedy that happened in Essex is not really easy to believe and if I became a survivor of that tragedy, I let myself sail again. I think it is better to try my luck again than to remain at Henderson Island. Despite the fact that there is only a last opportunity to be alive, at least I try my best and fight until my last breath. Realizing that Henderson Island will turn into the grave of certain individuals, I do not want to end up just like one of those individuals. As long as I can breathe, there is hope. My experience will be part of my past, memories that I can go back to when I survived and miraculously lived.

As I said, the tragedy that happened in Essex is not really easy to believe. And as a fourteen years old crew and I survived that, I think every single detail of what happened will still remain in my mind. In that film, the story was told by the old Nickerson. His account as an eyewitness of the tragedy suits as the best and most accurate account among the others. Why? because he was stacked between the two major characters of the movie, which is Captain Pollard and Owen Chase. He sees all the events inside the ship, especially between Chase and Pollard. From the point of view Nickerson, he can easily tell the whole story without being biased of one.

Nickerson is one of the survivors of the Essex and the last person who can uncover the truth, the real truth about the mentioned tragedy. Perhaps, Nickerson’s own account was written because he wanted to share his experiences. He wanted to create his own name saying that he actually survived the tragedy. He also wants to tell the truth because most people do not believe in it, even if it was decades or years ago. 

Have you ever encountered the Statistics and Probability? Some people might think that is a particular subject that gives us a hard time but if we think a little more, it can affect our daily life. It can help us not just help but also benefit us. In everything we do and wherever we go, Statistics and Probability are all around us.

Statistics and Probability are closely related because Statistics is where you can collect and gather more data. Every time a survey is conducted, statistics is always present to organize, analyze, and interpret the data to conclude. Data exists all over our lives, we tend to use it to count numbers and do several things, it’s really useful to us, and regardless of what we tend to do with data, we need to organize it first, so statistics is necessary and important. Probability is used in our daily lives to make decisions when we don’t know for sure what the outcome will be. Most of the time, you will not perform actual chance issues, however, you may use subjective chance to create judgment calls and confirm the most effective course of action. Probability is the measure of expectation whether it is not true.

Probability can be used in sports strategies wherein athletes and coaches can determine the best sports strategies for games and competitions. Also, Probability plays an important role in analyzing insurance policies to work out which plans are best for you or your family and what deductible amounts you would like. For example, once selecting an automobile insurance policy, you employ a chance to work out however possible it’s that you will be got to file a claim. The weather forecasters used probability to know about the possibilities or chances of having rain as well as having good weather. Just like probability, statistics is additionally used in numerous fields. Statistics can be used in research, many students use it in their research to give data, interpretations, analysis, and presenting their study. The most popular who used it is the NSO (National Statistics Office) to know the population of the people living here in the Philippines. Statistics and Probability are really helpful to us. Studying probability and statistics will allow us to see the world from an entirely different perspective since the subjects will serve as models and teach us to analyze situations.

Measurement and evaluation are essential parts of the teaching-learning process. In this process, we obtained marks and then interpreted these marks for decision-making. Statistics enables us to make an objective study of these marks. This teaching makes the learning process more efficient.

• Statistics helps in the collection and presentation of data in a calculated and systematic manner:

Statistics in education helps in the collection and presentation of data systematically. Simply put, statistics in education helps in the systematic arrangement of both processed and unprocessed data. Data are sets of facts that provide a partial picture of reality with some objective. And, no matter the method of its collection, questions about the nature of the information in the data, how the data can be used, and what needs to be done to include more useful information, are constantly addressed. needed.

Since most of the data are available to researchers in raw format, they must be summarized, organized, and analyzed to obtain useful information from them. This implies that unstructured or unanalyzed data tends to be unreliable and leads to false outputs or results. Furthermore, each data set needs to be presented in a certain way depending on its use. It is essential to plan how the data will be presented before the raw data can be processed appropriately. All of these can be complex, but statistics help to analyze, digest, and present them in a simple empirical way.

• Statistics make the process of teaching and learning more efficient.

Statistics in education makes the process of teaching and learning more efficient in practice. Statistics in education is an essential part of the teaching and learning process, with a special focus on the measurement and evaluation of concepts. In this process, marks are obtained and interpreted for decision-making. Hence, statistics enables us to study these marks objectively. It makes the teaching-learning process more efficient.

• Statistics serves as a reliable source of history in education

Statistics is one of the most reliable ways to verify a given history. This is because statistical documents are always empirical and easy to understand. Thus, the statistical approach employed in the description and analysis of data, concepts, etc. from a ton of years ago can be revived and positioned in contemporary times as an empirical source for a piece of reliable information about any history. can go.

• Statistics helps in the process of getting accurate predictions

Statistics show its importance in calculations and considerations.

Sometimes, due to a lack of technical knowledge, the teacher becomes unclear in describing the performance of the students. But statistics helps him to describe the performance using proper language and symbols. With the help of these statistical approaches, a definite and precise explanation emerges. Again, statistics help to guide any thinking activities. When one thinks systematically through calculated analysis and data, he thinks right and is likely to arrive at positive results soon. Think philosophy, love of knowledge – thinking bank. It maintains the use of data in the thinking process. Every good thinker makes use of the opportunity for empirical analysis. Take a guess! 80% of predictions made every day come from data from related events or experiences. When a sports player makes a bet for Real Madrid to win Aston Villa, it is assumed that he has studied the statistics of both teams and then concludes that Real Madrid will be Aston Villa. He must have studied the statistics of players of both teams to know which team will win or which player will score goals against the other. Statistics, therefore, help one make a more accurate prediction and people can say, ‘Hey! This man is a genius. This can also be seen when a teacher predicts the future performance of students: statistics enable the teacher to predict how much will happen under the conditions we know and measure. For example, a teacher may estimate a student’s probable score in the final examination from higher entrance examination scores. However, the prediction can be wrong due to various factors. Statistical methods describe the margin of error in making predictions.

• Statistics helps in the analysis of some causal factors

Statistics enable teachers to analyze some of the causal factors underlying complex and otherwise bewildering events: it is a common factor that behavioral outcomes are the result of many causal factors. There can be many reasons for a particular student to perform poorly in a particular subject and these may vary from one student to another. Hence by suitable statistical methods, one can keep these external variables constant and find out the reasons for the failure of the student in a particular subject. Generally, some quick empirical facts will help you to quickly understand the importance of statistics in education. These facts show how effective and valuable statistics are in every area of learning.

• Statistics significantly assist in the collection of data and information

Statistics helps in forecasting future events. In a class of 89 students, their performance in continuous evaluations and tests can determine who will take first place or who will produce the best results overall. It can also predict the smartest student out of 89 students in the class. This is what statistics can do. On the other hand, before a general election in a country, statistical analysis of

• Statistics makes studies highly responsive and empirical

The role of statistics is very important in the collection of data and information.

Moral values of life are the essential building blocks of our characters and nature and the total of our character, and our nature is what we all are as human beings. Morals in life give us a sense of understanding things and enable us to choose between what is right, and what is wrong. Moral values provide a social organization within a culture or civilization. These values form the basis of many of our laws. Morality is important because it helps you not only to be law-abiding but also to treat others in society with dignity and respect. I chose this topic because the Holocaust shows that moral systems are linked not by a common rational content, but by a familiar pattern of segregation.

The first moral dilemma is limited resources (food, clothes), by the end of 1941, 4,000 Jews, in the biggest ghetto that of Warsaw are dying every month of starvation, in February 1942 a group of doctors in Warsaw figured to do something that has never done before or could be ever allowed to undertake now, they decided to study hunger, and what nutrition do to the body from a medical viewpoint. After the war, their study was founded and published, the study can’t repeat because it will be unethical to allow people to experience those conditions to that degree, but these doctors were able to describe and define what happens to the human body as it starts to die. Food is such an essential demand for life, and it deserves to take a moment to consider it instant. The Germans determined how many calories the Jews should absorb, by this method, they (Germans) can master Jews because hunger was one of the influences of war and control, as an example, Polish non-Jews permitted to use 30% of calories from the Germans but the Jews about 10%. To get those calories, Jews required working, and often men work with manual labor, so here there are two dilemmas, the first one is, imagine that hat you’re a Polish Christian, and your child is starving what happens when you find out about a Jew who was hiding hoping to escape. Alcohol and sugar can be consumed or traded if tried to help that child Jew you and your family will face certain death if you discovered it. Would you protect your child or parents, or would you save a Jewish child or adult, in these illogical but real situations? Not committing a crime, it’s known as one of the ten commandments, life holy to Jews such as other commandments particularized to Jews can be broken to preserve life, so the next dilemma is can we kill people to save ourselves? In the Talmud of Jews, there is a story about two people wandering in the desert, and they don’t have sufficient water for two of them, should they share the last small amount of water between them? But here they are sure that they will not endure, or the one who has the water should drink it? Here there is a chance that he will survive for a longer time until reaching some source of water. For the Jews living under German occupation there was no certainty because part of their plan was secret, and what they discovered was cheating, dishonesty, and disinformation, faith was the only thing that Jews are sure about it.

Secondly, bonds of family, two young boys Elie Wiesel and Mel Mermelstein, came from their hometown in Hungary to Auschwitz camp in 1944, Elie Wiesel was about 16 when he and his family arrived at Auschwitz, Elie’s mother and sister were isolated from the men. In 1945 father and son stayed together and it was that connection that kept them alive (even though the relationship between them at the beginning was weak), many survivors were encouraged by the link with a family member or friend who can support them and give them strength and hope, and urge living, as Wiesel explains in his classic Night and expanded in his Memoirs: All Rivers Run to the Sea. He and his father didn’t want to let extra one down, Elie Wiesel’s father died in Buchenwald at the end of January 1945. Wiesel was released in Buchenwald in April he became a professor of Jewish studies and advocate for survivors and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for work in humanitarian causes. Mel Mermelstein came from a town about 130 kilometers, from Weisel’s (Munkacs), when Mermelstein came to Auschwitz, he was 17, and he arrived with his family only a few days before Weisel in his memoir By Bread Alone (described the importance of bread in his life). Mermelstein wrote that his father decided that the two of them should depart, his father told him to see would be the highest suffering with all, and this causes the pain of seeing the others suffer would be powerful. Mermelstein addresses his father and his decision: my perception of him gained a different mentality I began to understand the knowledge and absolute courage, and left me was asking us to do, his father concludes with this, but if we are still apart at least one of us will live to tell. Mermelstein’s father and his brother were murdered by the Nazis, and he was released at Buchenwald in April it’s the only survivor of his direct family. The dilemma here was to stay with your family members to help and support each other or sacrifice by letting them escape instead of you. Finally, in medical ethics, Adina Blady Szwajger 1941 was a senior medical student at the Warsaw Children’s hospital when she gave lethal doses of morphine to several patients, like children, infants, and elderly people. She used this drug to spare them from an undignified death at the hands of the Nazis, when Szwajger joined the Polish Jewish resistance she did abortions for various women to avoid discovery, due to crying infants. A lot of doctors like Szwajger were under enormous stress, and they did what they understood as the right thing, they intended to spare their patients from suffering so the dilemma was to let the patient suffer or kill him and relieve him.

The Holocaust is a lesson for humanity that is instructive on both a personal and social level. The idea that racism and stereotyping can be used by a government to build a culture of genocide is one message that was learned from this period in history, but it needs consciousness and activism on the role of people to resist the impacts of propaganda. Holocaust teaches us that bystanders receive an equal level of crime as the perpetrators. In turn, when prejudice, hatred, and killing take place on a personal level, it is up to the residents of a vibrant justice to prevent these biases on both a personal and political level. The Holocaust makes all of us think about what will happen in the future if we as a society fall silent and fail to protect its diversity. As a result of the Holocaust, each one of us learns how powerful it is to live with difference and accept tolerance in all of its forms.

Abstract

In Authentic Happiness Seligman suggests a formula for happiness, The Pleasant Life, The Good Life, and The Meaningful Life, encouraging people to seek a meaningful life in a continual quest for happiness. (Seligman 161). Seligman’s theory reconciles two conflicting views of human happiness, the individualistic approach, which emphasizes that we should take care of ourselves and nurture our own strengths, and the altruistic approach, which tends to downplay individuality and emphasizes sacrifice for the greater purpose. (www.pursuit-of-happiness.org).

This paper sets out to summarise how Positive Psychology can fit into my own life, focusing on how an understanding and a practical application of Positive Psychology can help me flourish as an individual. The paper seeks to explore the conflicts and challenges of nurturing one’s own strengths at the same time as being part of a family. The paper seeks to explore the question, how can you flourish as an individual and a family? How can someone be an ‘I’ and a ‘We’?

Literature review

The literature review briefly summarises the origins and major theories of Positive Psychology. It will then present the challenges of practically applying Positive Psychology theories based on the realities and demands of everyday life. The literature review will then discuss the link between Positive Education and flourishing as well as between Positive Psychology and difficulties. The review will then narrow to demonstrate how the identification of strengths and understanding of flow can improve not only your own well-being but also that of your family and the wider community. Finally, it will pose a potential area for further study and research.

Origins and Theory of Positive Psychology

In 1998, Martin Seligman was elected as President of the American Psychological Association and Positive Psychology became the theme of his presidency. As such he is recognized as the face and founder of Positive Psychology – however, there have been many influencers past and present that have contributed to this new era of psychology. As far back as the late 6th Century BCE, the Dhammapada, the earliest known collection of Buddha’s sayings, explore suffering and happiness, and from then on many great thinkers from the East and West have discussed this topic including, but not limited to, Socrates, Aristotle, Abraham Maslow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Barbara Fredrickson. http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/

In the Tanner Lectures on Human Values, Seligman explains that he and his contemporaries wanted “to create a field in which we asked the question ‘What makes life worth living, and how can we build it?’ “ (232) Seligman goes on to explain, “So positive psychology aims to develop interventions that build the enabling conditions of life, not just interventions that decrease misery” (233).

Seligman’s theories have developed over time, with the most significant refresh being the movement from his beliefs outlined in Authentic Happiness to his beliefs explored in Flourish. In Authentic Happiness, he identifies happiness as the topic of positive psychology, with life satisfaction being the measure, and increasing life satisfaction as the goal. However, in Flourish, he argues that this was incorrect and that well-being is the topic of positive psychology, with flourishing being the measure and increasing flourishing to be the goal. To summarise, the goal of Positive Psychology in well-being theory “is to increase the amount of flourishing in your own life and on the planet” (Seligman 26).

In Flourish, Martin Seligman identifies what it is that allows us to flourish. The mnemonic PERMA standing for Positive Emotions, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment are elements identified as the permanent building blocks for a life of profound fulfillment (Seligman 23). In earlier work, Seligman found that the most satisfied, upbeat people were those who had discovered and exploited their own unique combinations of signature strengths. (www.pursuit-of-happiness.org). Together with Dr. Christopher Peterson, Seligman created a classification and measurement system for human strengths, identifying 6 virtues and 24 strengths which underpin all elements of PERMA. (Seligman 24).

In Authentic Happiness, Seligman suggests a formula for happiness, The Pleasant Life, The Good Life, and The Meaningful Life. The Pleasant Life is a life that successfully pursues positive emotions about the past, present, and future. As a build, a Good Life uses your signature strengths to obtain abundant gratification through activities you like to do in the main realms of your life. Lastly, The Meaningful Life challenges us to use our signatures strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than we are. (Seligman 249) ,

Seligman’s theory reconciles two conflicting views of human happiness, the individualistic approach, which emphasizes that we should take care of ourselves and nurture our own strengths, and the altruistic approach, which tends to downplay individuality and emphasizes sacrifice for the greater purpose. (www.pursuit-of-happiness.org). Happiness he argues is an enduring state of well-being involving satisfaction in the pleasant, good, and meaningful aspects of life – rather than a linear journey through each state.

Challenges Of Applying Positive Psychology Theories

In practice finding the way into awareness and understanding of Positive Psychology and thereafter carving out time to balance self (care and nurturing of our own strengths) and sacrifice (altruism and greater purpose) can be a challenge.

It was Abraham Maslow who first used the words ‘positive psychology’ in his 1954 book “Motivation and Personality”, where he also describes a ‘hierarchy of needs.’ In this theory, he argues that once the power needs for food, security, love, and self-esteem are satisfied, a deep desire for creative expression and self-actualization rises to the surface (Maslow, xxx). Maslow’s theory is often translated into an image of a pyramid, with the higher levels resting upon the lower levels. Although easy to read, this depiction simplifies and omits parts of Maslow’s thinking. His writing makes clear that each level of need is nestled inside the previous one – allowing for a more integrated relationship between the stages. We can multitask! I find Maslow’s hierarchy of needs comforting as it draws attention to the realities of the world we live in. It is not always possible to have the luxury of time and resources to be in a state of self-actualization.

Link Between Positive Education and Flourishing

Positive psychologists have advocated for positive psychology in schools, this movement has been called positive education. “Teachers and researchers in positive psychology are natural allies. At its core, education is about nurturing strengths, growth, and learning. Furthermore, psychological and social well-being are key concerns for teachers and other educators and for people working in the field of positive psychology” (Shankland & Rosset, 2017) According to Seligman et al.’s 2009 paper, Positive Education is a response to the gap between what people want for their children and what schools teach. That is, most parents want their children to be happy, healthy, and confident, but schools only focus on achievement, discipline, and academic skills. These are of course important, but so are positive mental health outcomes. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-education-happy-students/

Teachers themselves believe that teaching is “inevitably linked” with the emotional health and well-being of the students being taught (Kidger et al., 2010). In fact, Maslow’s (1943) hierarchy of needs even indicates that emotional support may be a sort of prerequisite to higher-order functions such as learning. If the goal of Positive Psychology in well-being theory “is to increase the amount of flourishing in your own life and on the planet” (Seligman 26) having an early understanding and early practical application of the theory can only support this goal.

The Link Between Difficulties and Positive Psychology

In life, it is easy to miss the point of life. How many people ask themselves the question – What is life for? What is the meaning of life? Of those that ask the question, how many are confident in their answer, and how many live their life in service to it? It is easy and understandable why people believe that life is something that happens to us – and that we have no control over it – particularly in times of stress or crisis. Over time this helplessness can become a learned habit and negative patterns of behavior and expectation become the norm.

Second Wave Positive Psychology Embracing The Dark Side Of Life opens with the quote, “The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn”. (Thomas Fuller). Michael Steger suggests that positive psychology finds its true strength when it unifies happiness and positivity with the kinds of suffering, doubt, and adversity that are part and parcel with human life’’’ Wong, editor of The Human Quest for Meaning goes as far as to say “the dark side of life (is) not only an inevitable aspect of the human condition but also an essential part in optimal functioning and transformation’’

The Greek philosopher Epictetus taught us, “Difficulties are things that show a person who they are.” Difficulties provide us with the opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. It is in these moments of heightened awareness that the windows of opportunity open and invite us to reach deep inside ourselves to discover the real meaning of our existence. Life allows us to find meaning even in the most difficult of circumstances

Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist realized that, no matter what was happening around and to him, he still retained the capacity — what he called “the last of the human freedoms” — to choose his attitude and, by extension, his response. He knew that he was responsible for finding meaning in his circumstances and, importantly, for not becoming a prisoner of his thoughts.

Strengths & Flow – Individual and Community Wellbeing

With relative ease, it is indeed possible to increase well-being and flourish. There is scope for each person to choose their own journey, own starting point, and own pace. The nestling structure of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and Seligman’s overlapping lives shows that with a foundation of basic needs in place, it is possible to follow a recipe or formula for a more fulfilling life. positive change is beneficial and positive change creates its own momentum and a higher baseline to progress from. The possibilities are endless and undefined. (REF) These two theories show that well-being is not something you do in your spare time – but crucially how you the best approach and use your time and environment that leads to well-being. Ed Diener in his latest book Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth qualifies the idea that one should strive for happiness in life. The focus should not be on getting married, making money, or being good at work to become happy. Rather, the focus should be on becoming happy to have a better marriage, career, and purpose-filled life. It is this shift of perspective that is revealing and freeing.

Understanding your own strengths and virtues is an easy and practical way to start on a well-being journey. Free to access and quick to complete, the VIA strengths finder identifies “the qualities that come most naturally to you. Every individual possesses all 24 character strengths in different degrees, giving each person a unique character profile. When you know your strengths, you can improve your life and thrive. Research reveals that people who use their strengths a lot are 18x more likely to be flourishing than those who do not use their strengths.’’ https://www.viacharacter.org/

Seligman’s PERMA model is underpinned by strengths and the Good Life is only possible by harnessing your signature strengths. In completing my own strength finder survey I experienced a few ‘ah hah’ moments – which led me to reflect on how I can best flourish. What I did not expect was my excitement at the wider possibilities the exercise could reveal, On the same website there is also an option for a Youth Survey for ages 10-17. I encouraged my daughters and husband to take the survey. The results and subsequent reflections and discussions provided not only quality conversation and time together but a much deeper understanding of each other and how we can create opportunities for us all as individuals and as a family unit. The following weekend we were walking with another family and shared our experience, prompting this family as well to undertake their own strength finder. My first step to nurture a better understanding of my own strengths has started its own little movement, with positivity spreading organically and contagiously.

An understanding of Positive Psychology has also allowed me to relook at moments in my life and those of my family. We can all recall highlight moments of our lives, yet without Positive Psychology could not articulate why these were highlights or how we can experience more or support each other in this goal. Csikszentmihalyi considered one of the co-founders of positive psychology was the first to identify and research flow. “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times . . . The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile…

A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it” (Csikszentmihalyi 1990)

The idea of ‘Flow’ together with an understanding of our individual strengths has provided an impetuous, language and a way for us to work towards and aspire to a more fulfilling life.

Potential Area Of Further Study and Research

Is there a difference in levels of well-being in a person who has embraced positive psychology from an early age as compared to those who find it later in life?

Is there a correlation between time spent flourishing and a positive impact/on the planet?

Conclusion

Seligman’s belief that Positive Psychology can be scaled and applied to organizations and nations, as well as individuals, led him to the ‘’moon shoot of positive psychology: our goal …that by the year 2051, 51 percent of the world’s population will be flourishing’’ He goes on to suggest that ‘’the rich nations of the world have come to a Florentine moment. The question is, ‘’What is our wealth for?”….The point of increasing wealth is to increase well-being, to increase the PERMA in the citizens of the nation.’ (Tanner Lectures 241-2). In this exploration and application of Positive Psychology Seligman makes the explicit link between the individual and the society and not only shows that it is possible to be an ‘I’ and a ‘We’ but makes this the explicit goal.

References

1. Flourish, Martin Seligman
2. https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/martin-seligman-psychology/
3. Seligman, Martin E.P. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York, NY: Free Press.
4. The Tanner Lectures on Human Values
5. Maslow, A.H. (1987). Motivation and Personality. (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Harper & Row.
6. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-education-happy-students/
7. https://medium.com/thrive-global/are-you-living-a-happy-life-or-a-meaningful-life-1566753b79f6
8. Ed Diener Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth

What is an outsider? An outsider may be a person who does not belong or fit in an organization or profession. They could be considered a stranger, an outcast, or foreigner. An outsider in society is someone that doesn’t fit in. someone who observes from afar and watches people, life, and society through a metaphorical window.

Matthew Homes, the protagonist of ‘The Shock of the Fall’, tells us the story of his life and others through his point of view, his own metaphorical window. Matthew wasn’t exactly an outsider in the beginning. He seemed like an ordinary kid, however, there are small signs in the first few chapters, for example, when he walks away from playing hide and seek with the other kids. In this scene, he has shown that he chooses to not be a part of it. Signs showed through his narration of the little girl in the beginning with the doll and how he analyzed every moment, even the small touches, which shows in the line, ‘picked up her doll again, and kissed it twice’.

Those small details lingered with him as he remembered, In the line, ‘It is as though I can actually feel them’. This shows him thinking about it, and analyzing it, and it gives the sense that he desires this kind of affection that he possibly doesn’t get much from people in his life such as his family. This desire for affection creates this sense of disconnection and makes Matthew appear isolated to the reader. This scene comes from Matthew’s point of view, which continues throughout the rest of the novel, showing he is observant and an outsider.

As Matthew continues his story, we learn about the loss of his brother, Simon, and see his struggle and inability to let go of his death. Matthew deals with grief, just like Aibileen from ‘The Help’. Simon’s death is the root of the disconnection between Matthew and his other family members. This is especially seen in the second chapter, ‘family portraits’ when they are all in the car, mourning Simon, with no attention paid to Matthew. The line, ‘They didn’t turn around’ shows Matthew’s loneliness and desire for them to turn around and be there for him. It also shows a breakdown in the families’ communication with each other. They aren’t mourning together, they are mourning separately, individually. At this moment Matthew is isolated and stuck with his guilty thoughts and grief that he is unable to process, with no support from anyone. This makes Matthew an outsider in his own family and not entirely by choice.

The line, ‘My parents sometimes find it hard to let stuff go mum in particular’ is ironic and foreshadows coming scenes, as Matthew’s mother becomes mentally ill or ‘mad’ as Matthew likes to call it. Matthew’s mother is unable to cope with the loss of her child which leads to her projecting her emotions and smothers Matthew, making him feel suffocated, but also going to the extent of pulling him out of school for her own selfish reasons because she does not want to be alone and is convinced that he is ‘unwell’. This isolates Matthew from his peers at school and from the world, making him isolated and an outsider to society as a child. When being dragged past his school by his mother on the way to the doctor, in the line, ‘The group of children gathered at the fence did so because they liked me.’ shows that Matthew was well known and accepted by his peers. Matthew has the desire to be a part of this but cannot be a part of it because of his mother, which eventually creates a negative relationship between them. Matthew’s wanting to be a part of this shows that it wasn’t his choice to be an outsider and he was just forced into that mold.

Matthew’s choice to be an outsider vanishes from the table as his mental illness sets in. His mental illness, schizophrenia, eventually makes Matthew isolate himself in his apartment, from his family, and from the world, becoming a real outsider. This eventually led him to be forcefully isolated from society and the world by being put into a mental ward in a hospital. Matthew does eventually overcome these barriers but in the end, he did not choose to be an outsider.

In ‘The Help’, the character Aibileen is the first character we meet. She is already an outsider, and not by choice, as she was born black in the 1960s when black people did not have many rights when white people were seen as more ‘superior’, and when segregation was a thing in America. Because Aibileen is black, she is automatically put into the box of outcasts, however, she is only an outcast in white society. In the first few chapters of the novels, we see the imbalance between the white and the blacks and see the white dominance of America in the 1960s. In the book, the language used by Aibileen and other white characters also contrast, as Aibileen speaks informally whilst the white characters speak clearly and formally, showing how well educated the white people are because they had the privilege to go to school and stay on, whilst black people at a very young age had to leave school early to get a job and provide for their families and weren’t able to get the education needed. The line ‘I spec this’ shows Aibileen’s informal language. There are also other imbalances in society as black people did not use the same facilities or same services as white people, such as swimming pools or bathrooms, and usually, the black services were in poor condition compared to white services, which was a very real thing in America in that time period. This shows in the line said by Miss Skeeter, ‘ Negroes and whites are not allowed to share water fountains, movie houses, public restrooms, ballparks, phone booths, circus shows.’ In the line, Aibileen describes the black side of Jackson as ‘one big anthill’ which creates an image of a colony and a close confinement. Everyone is close together and multiplying. To describe your home as an ‘anthill’ is not a very pleasing image or concept, which may say something about the condition and how it is not a pleasant place to live in.

We see the different dynamics in the line, ‘GET THE HOUSE straightened up’, said Aibileen’s boss, Miss Leefolt. With the use of the imperative, we see a slight disrespect in the way she talks to Aibileen, which contrasts with when Aibileen is being talked to by people in the black society in her town, Jackson, Mississippi. In black society, Aibileen is well respected. People call her ‘ma’am’ and address her as a person should. In church, Aibileen and her friend Minny are well respected and have a place in their community, which shows in the line said by Minny, ‘We’re prime members’. They are not outsiders in their community, but only in the white community because they aren’t white.

Aibileen is very to herself, but not by choice, if she were to speak up and say what’s on her mind, she would be ridiculed. In the line ‘I’m so mad at Miss Leefolt.

I’m biting my tongue.’ this shows how fed up she is with the way her boss can be sometimes, but she cannot say a word or she could lose her job or worse and be silenced. Aibileen is very observant as well which can be seen in the line when talking about Miss Skeeter, ‘she gets the frizz year round’ which is also another example of her informal language. This quotation shows Aibileen has remembered that Miss Skeeter always has frizzy hair which shows how observant she is to the people around her, and she tends to analyze other characters, mostly white because that is all she can do. Her being observant adds to her being an outsider in white society. Aibileen does not fit into this society because she is not allowed due to the law and the way white society worked back then, forcefully making her an outsider.

Aibileen also deals with her poor mental health after her son and only son, tree lore died. Aibileen explains in the line, ‘air look black, sun look black’ to express how she felt after Treelore died. The use of the color black is quite negative. It contrasts with the idea of the ‘sun’ as the sun is usually bright and full of light but instead is just black and dark. The imagery is interestingly used for the air as well. Air is something that is transparent and fills every corner of a room in our vision, but for Aibileen, her vision is just darkness filling every corner. This symbolizes her descent into her depression after her son died. The line, ‘That bitter seed grow in my chest, the one planted after tree lore died.’ also symbolizes Aibileen’s depression and change of mindset towards white people which eventually leads to her being fed up with the way things are and helping Miss Skeeter write the book. The darkness represents her grief and depression, which relates to Mathew in ‘The Shock of the Fall’ because he is dealing with his brother’s death and his own grief, along with his poor mental health.

The character, Minny, is also a black maid, with very few rights, which makes her an automatic outcast to the white society. Minny does the wrong thing by going against a white woman she used to work for, Hilly Holbrook, a woman with a high status in Jackson’s community. Because she offended Miss Hilly, it led to her not being able to get a job because of the spread of misinformation and claims that Minny stole silver from Hilly’s mother. Hilly’s ‘speculations’ show in the quotation, ‘So that she can steal every last heirloom I have left’. This leaves Minny in a bad place as she has no source of income anymore, but is eventually saved by another outcast and outsider of Jackson and the white society. Minny did not choose to be an outsider, however, she put herself in that situation, which is part and mostly her fault, but not completely because of the color of her skin.

Miss Celia Rae Foote comes to save Minny and gives her a job without knowing her status and the lies about Minny being a thief. Miss Celia is an outsider for many reasons, such as where she comes from, that being Sugar Ditch which was a slum area with open sewage and rundown homes, and who she married, was Hilly Holbrook’s ex-boyfriend, a man she was head over heels for. Miss Celia is an outcast in white society, even though she is white herself because her husband was Miss Hilly’s ex-boyfriend. In the line, said by Minny, ‘Hilly never got over him’ which is why Hilly leaves Celia out. Miss Celia wants to be a part of the community, but unfortunately, the woman’s community is run by Miss Hilly, so she is constantly excluded from community events. Miss Celia does not have any friends because of

Miss Hilly and everyone wanting her approval, leaving her to feel very lonely, especially when not having any kids, and this leads to her feeling isolated. This is seen when Miss Celia sits down to eat with Minny when there is supposed to be a line between a white person and a black maid. In the line, said by Miss Celia, it says, ‘I don’t want to eat in there all by myself’ which shows that she is lonely and has nobody else but her maid, who she considers her friend. Miss Celia finds it hard to meet her expectations as a woman because she isn’t skilled in what a woman was ‘supposed’ to be in the 1960s. She doesn’t know how to cook or clean, which may make her feel like an outcast to society as a whole. Miss Celia also has trouble having children and has experienced miscarries four times when being with her husband. The line, ‘It slipped out. Like it wanted out of me.’ said Miss Celia, takes place after having her fourth miscarriage. The emphasis on the words ‘out of me’ shows Miss Celia’s thought process of why she miscarried, and it is almost like she believes the baby chose to leave her body because it didn’t want to be there anymore, it wanted to get out, which is heartbreaking. Miss Celia not being able to have children may make her feel like an outsider internally as she can not do the things that women were seen to be ‘made for ” which may have made her feel useless. Miss Celia does not choose to be an outsider, nor is any of it her fault for becoming one. She is forced to be an outsider because someone doesn’t like her for personal reasons, which is unfair, but it was the way society was back then.

Miss Skeeter is a privileged girl who is more of a rebel and independent character, who chooses to fit outside of society with her bold and ahead-of-time thinking. She stands outside the societal norms by putting her education first instead of having a husband and becoming a homemaker and getting a job to become a writer. She stands outside of the beauty standards of the times, constantly being pressured by her own mother to be a ‘proper’ woman, which is seen in the line ‘go put alcohol on that blemish’. The use of the imperative shows her mother bossing her about and applying pressure for her to look the part. Miss Skeeter often picks on herself, calling herself ‘painfully tall’ and nit-picking at her frizzy hair, which is most likely because of her mother’s treatment of her. Miss Skeeter struggles in the woman’s world and the pressures that come with it, which leads to her feeling isolated and like an outsider.

When Miss Skeeter begins to write ‘Help’ she learns about Black maids’ lives and comes to a realization about the things that need to change in their society, which leads to her going against her friends, Miss Leefolt and Miss Hilly, which leads to her downfall in the community. She crosses Miss Hilly, thinking she could get away with it, but this leads to her becoming friend-less, ending up alone and isolated from the community and alienated. She is accepted, partially, by some black individuals, like Minny and Aibileen and even befriends them, but becomes an outsider to the town’s community and their little society in Jackson. At first, she chooses to be an outside

Abstract

Gratitude has consistently been shown to be beneficial in individual practice, producing a greater appreciation for the things one has and a more positive overall outlook on life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). But only in recent years have the effects of gratitude been studied in the context of marriage and long-term partnerships. It has been discovered that gratitude strengthens the bond between couples by first, fulfilling the inherent need of the individual to feel valued and appreciated (Lambert & Fincham, 2011). It also increases the emotional bond between partners since it inspires greater appreciation of one’s spouse and reminds them of the feelings that they have for each other (Algoe, Gabel & Maisel, 2010). Gratitude also trains partners to be more aware of the things each other does for the marriage, encouraging each individual to put more time and effort into maintaining the relationship (A. Gordon, Impett, Kogan, Oveis, & Keltner, 2012). However, gratitude can lose its effect or even detract from a relationship if it is expressed insincerely or misinterpreted as indebtedness (Leong, 2012; Algoe et al., 2010). Studies on the effects of felt and expressed gratitude on marriage have shown that it can be integral in strengthening marital bonds and can help maintain a connection between spouses.

Keywords: gratitude, marriage, relationships

Celebrating Your Spouse: How Gratitude Can Strengthen a Marriage

“All you need is love.” While The Beatles may have transformed these simple words into an iconic mantra in 1967, they didn’t seem to get it entirely right. The phrase would be significantly more accurate if it were written something like: “All you need is love – and gratitude.” Gratitude is one of the most important feelings to exist in the human species, and it is something that differentiates us from all other types of life. Being individually grateful for the things one has inarguably leads us to a greater overall appreciation for life and produces increased feelings of happiness. But what does it have to do with love? Well, it turns out love really isn’t all you need when it comes to maintaining a strong and lasting connection with the one you love the most: your spouse. Gratitude has been found to be integral in building and maintaining a strong and healthy marriage (Joel, Gordon, Impett, Macdonald & Keltner, 2013). Feeling and expressing gratitude for one’s partner has consistently been shown to create stronger, closer, and more attentive relationships, and has even proven to be more important than love alone (Bartlett, Condon, Cruz, Baumann & Destino, 2012). While love is enough to bring two people together, gratitude is the thing that keeps them that way.

Gratitude is a topic that has been studied profusely over the years, and today we seem to have a very clear understanding of the vast benefits that come from cultivating individual feelings of gratitude and thankfulness. In a personal context, we know that increased feelings of gratitude lead to a more optimistic view of life and greater feelings of overall happiness and life satisfaction (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). But not until recently have the powerful effects of gratitude been studied in the context of marriage. Studies that have been conducted on this topic support the notion that expressing gratitude in marriage greatly increases romantic connections and perpetuates long-term relationship satisfaction (Algoe, Kurtz & Hilare, 2016). It has become apparent that gratitude has similarly powerful effects on a partnership as it does on the individual which can produce a closer and stronger bond in the context of marriage. While it might feel habitual and even expected to give thanks, the reasons why it so deeply improves marital relationships go beyond habit or societal expectations.

A major reason expressing gratitude is so powerful in a marriage is that people inherently desire to be appreciated. Giving thanks to your spouse fulfills this need and makes them feel truly valued. This is not only beneficial for the receiver of thanks but also for the one expressing it since expressing gratitude leads to greater feelings of happiness (Lambert & Fincham, 2011). Another driving factor behind why gratitude is so essential to a marriage is the fact that it increases overall relationship satisfaction and emotional connection between partners. This can be attributed to the fact that being more aware of what a partner does to serve you can cause you to feel greater fondness and appreciation for them. Marriages are also strengthened through gratitude because gratitude sets off a chain reaction of sorts that pushes both partners to invest more time and energy into a relationship (A. Gordon et al., 2012). These positive functions of expressing gratitude help to create a greater appreciation for a spouse, a deeper emotional connection between partners, and a greater desire to put meaningful work into the marriage.

Lines of Argument

Fulfills the Need to be Appreciated

William James, an American philosopher and psychologist once said, “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” The desire to feel valued is one of the strongest drives in the human species and has even been described as being as vital as oxygen (Lambert & Fincham, 2011). Everyone wants to feel valued and loved in some way, and we see this desire to be the strongest among married couples (A. Gordon et al., 2012). When partners express gratitude towards one another, they are fulfilling that deeply primitive desire to feel valued. C. Gordon, Arnette, and Smith (2011) say that “An individual who expresses gratitude is not only providing a positive expression to a partner, but is also conveying an acknowledgment of, and appreciation for, the partner” (p. 339).

The expression of gratitude towards one’s partner immediately initiates positive feelings of appreciation and esteem, effectively strengthening the bond between the couple and making the person being thanked feel valued for their sacrifices and contributions (Lambert & Fincham, 2011).

“Someone who is expressing gratitude to a spouse is essentially celebrating the benefits that their spouse has brought to their life, which has the potential to leave the spouse feeling understood, appreciated, and empowered to continue providing effective and appreciated support in the marriage” (C. Gordon et al., 2011, p. 340).

In a longitudinal study conducted by Lambert and Fincham (2011), it was found that expressing gratitude for one’s partner makes them feel valued as an individual and helps to promote confidence in the relationship. Since feeling appreciated and valued is so vital to us as human beings, and even more so among married couples, it is not surprising that expressing gratitude and appreciation towards one another helps to promote stronger marital bonds.

Increases Emotional Closeness

In addition to fulfilling the inherent need to be appreciated, gratitude is also vital for the maintenance of emotional and intimate bonds (A. Gordon et al., 2012). The positive feelings produced by expressing gratitude benefits both partners in a relationship, as a study conducted by A. Gordon, Impett, Kogan, Oveis, and Keltner (2012) showed. It concluded that “people who feel more appreciated by their romantic partners report being more appreciative of their partners,” and, in turn, “people who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners’ needs” (p. 261). This demonstrates the mutually beneficial nature of gratitude as it shows how appreciation is reciprocated among couples who feel grateful feelings toward one another. It also produces a greater awareness of the needs of one’s partner, therefore leading to greater maintenance of the relationship. Likewise, knowing that one’s partner is grateful for them increases overall happiness in the relationship, even more so than one’s own individual gratitude does (C. Gordon et al., 2011). Similarly, someone who has been the recipient of expressions of gratitude tends to feel more grateful themselves, producing a potential cycle of expressions of thankfulness that can lead to more positive emotions and closeness in the relationship (C. Gordon et al., 2011).

But observational studies have shown that relationships, and particularly marriages, already have high levels of relative trust and intimacy, and are usually abundant with helpful behaviors (Algoe et al., 2010). But Algoe, Gabel, and Maisel (2010) suggest that even in this context, genuine moments of expressed gratitude can act as a “booster shot” in a marriage. In those moments, “gratitude helps remind an individual of his or her feelings toward the partner and inspire mutual responsiveness, which serves to increase the bond between the couple” (Algoe et al., 2010, p. 225). This shows that even in relationships with high levels of helpfulness and intimacy, genuine expressions of gratitude are still powerful enough to increase emotional closeness between partners.

Encourages Relationship Maintenance

One of the most profound effects gratitude has been found to have on long-term relationships is that it inspires couples to work harder at their relationship. As genuine expressions of gratitude increase in a marriage, the relationship tends to improve because feelings of thankfulness often inspire a couple to invest more time and effort into improving the marriage (A. Gordon et al., 2012). Feelings of gratitude also cause one to promote more of what made them feel grateful for their partner in the first place, which creates a cycle of positive reinforcement and inspires more selfless acts in the marriage (Bartlett et al., 2012). Also, both expressing and receiving gratitude leads to the greater acknowledgment of a spouse’s efforts and contributions to a marriage. This is because feeling and showing appreciation for one’s partner inspires them to make more sacrifices, and both partners in a marriage are more willing to sacrifice for a relationship if they feel grateful for it (Bartlett et al., 2012). This, in turn, leads to a motivation in couples to work harder at their relationship and better meet the needs of their marriage.

Additionally, teaching oneself to recognize the good deeds their spouse does is crucial in cultivating gratitude in marriage and has very profound effects on the relationship. By learning to recognize a spouse’s efforts, a person will feel more grateful more often for their partner and will feel a greater responsibility to contribute to the relationship (Gordon et al., 2011). Appreciation for a spouse’s contributions to a relationship is absolutely vital to maintaining commitment, which is further evidence as to why gratitude is so essential to a marriage. In a study that asked participants to reflect on the daily contributions of their partner, researchers discovered that feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and trust increased, and individuals felt a greater sense of stewardship for their spouse (Joel et al., 2013). Across the board, feelings of gratitude produced greater inspiration in couples to improve the quality of their relationship and motivated them to invest more energy and time into their marriage (Joel et al., 2013). This signifies that gratitude is key in pushing couples to maintain their relationship and that recognition of a partner’s sacrifices leads to a greater appreciation for them, which produces greater overall happiness and satisfaction in a marriage.

Opposing Views

While it appears gratitude is beneficial to marriage in every context, it has been found that there are some scenarios in which gratitude may contribute nothing to a relationship or even worse, may detract from it. This is because gratitude is expressed incorrectly, and can come across as ingenuine or forced, which can make an individual in a relationship feel resentful. Another study also found that gratitude should not be confused with indebtedness, which has been shown to have no positive effect on a relationship.

Although gratitude has been widely accepted as being universally beneficial in nearly every context, it loses its positive effect if it is perceived as being ingenuine. A 2012 study on gratitude between couples found that more sudden and frequent expressions of gratitude did not consistently lead to greater happiness in married couples (Leong, 2012). It also concluded that sensing a partner’s gratitude had a more powerful effect than if they actually expressed it, and that if an individual’s expression of gratitude seems forced or ingenuine, it can actually do more harm to the relationship than good (Leong, 2012). Additionally, it has been discovered that inward feelings of gratitude can be more beneficial to a marriage than actual outward expressions (Gordon et al., 2011). This can be attributed to the fact that, since married couples tend to habitually express gratitude, deeper, inward feelings of gratitude can actually carry more meaning in the eyes of one’s partner (Gordon et al., 2011).

Another way in which gratitude may not contribute to a relationship is when it is misunderstood as indebtedness. While feeling thankful does naturally lead us to want to “return the favor,” genuine gratitude inspires thoughtful and creative ways to acknowledge the person we are thankful for. Indebtedness, on the other hand, creates a sense of “tit-for-tat repayment,” encouraging individuals to keep score of their partner’s deeds rather than truly appreciate them (Algoe et al., 2010). In fact, it was found that when an individual felt that repayment was expected, feelings of gratitude actually decreased. Feelings of indebtedness also increased the presence of negative emotions like guilt and anxiousness and hindered individuals from internalizing gratitude for the good deed (Algoe et al., 2010). In short, it was concluded that although feelings of indebtedness produce an obligation to want to “return the favor,” true gratitude is not a debt.

While these discoveries may shed light on some of the faultier functions of gratitude, they do not manage to tarnish its good reputation and the universally beneficial effect it can have on a marriage.

Conclusion

For decades, the secrets of gratitude and the abundance of benefits it can have on an individual have been examined, studied, and tested. But not until recently have the positive effects that gratitude can have in marriage been considered. Through countless studies and observations, it has been found that gratitude for one’s partner, both felt and expressed, has deeply powerful effects on the relationship.

One of the reasons for this is the fact that humans have an inherent need to feel valued and appreciated, and that desire is heightened even more so in a partnership. When an individual expresses their gratitude and appreciation for their partner, it fulfills this primal need and even inspires the benefactor to reciprocate their own feelings of gratitude in return (Lambert & Fincham, 2011). This creates a cycle of positive reinforcement, which enhances overall feelings of satisfaction and appreciation in the partnership. These expressions of gratitude in marriage also help to increase overall feelings of emotional closeness between spouses and can strengthen the bond between them. Gratitude can help to remind partners of their feelings toward one another and why they love them, thus strengthening their connection as well as their appreciation for one another. Finally, gratitude inspires both partners in a marriage to invest more time and energy into the relationship. When an individual acknowledges the sacrifices and efforts of their spouse, it influences them to give more to the marriage which ultimately leads it to improve.

Despite some opposing views that say gratitude isn’t beneficial if expressed insincerely or confused for indebtedness, the fact remains that gratitude is generally good and produces powerful outcomes when practiced in marriage.

References

1. Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
2. Algoe, S. B., Kurtz, L. E., & Hilaire, N. M. (2016). Putting the ‘you’ in ‘thank you’: Examining other-praising behavior as the active relational ingredient in expressed gratitude. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(7), 658-666. doi:10.1177/1948550616651681
3. Bartlett, M. Y., Condon, P., Cruz, J., Baumann, J., & Desteno, D. (2012). Gratitude: Prompting behaviors that build relationships. Cognition and Emotion, 26(1), 2-13. doi: 10.1080/02699931.2011.561297
4. Chang, Y.-P., Li, T.-S., Teng, H., Berki, A., & Chen, L. (2013). Living with gratitude: Spouse’s gratitude on one’s depression. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(4), 1431–1442. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s10902-012-9389-4
5. Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
6. Gordon, A. M., Oveis, C., Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., & Keitner, D. (2012). To have and to hold: Gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 103(2), 257–274. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/a0028723
7. Gordon, C. L., Arnette, R. A. M., & Smith, R. E. (2011). Have you thanked your spouse today?: Felt and expressed gratitude among married couples. Personality & Individual Differences, 50(3), 339–343. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1016/j.paid.2010.10.012
8. Joel, S., Gordon, A. M., Impett, E. A., MacDonald, G., & Keltner, D. (2013). The things you do for me: Perceptions of a romantic partner’s investments promote gratitude and commitment. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(10), 1333-1345. doi:10.1177/0146167213497801
9. Lambert, N. M., Clark, M. S., Durtschi, J., Fincham, F. D., & Graham, S. M. (2010). Benefits of expressing gratitude: Expressing gratitude to a partner changes one’s view of the relationship. Psychological Science (0956-7976), 21(4), 574–580. doi: https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.1177/0956797610364003
10. Lambert, N. M., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Expressing gratitude to a partner leads to more relationship maintenance behavior. Emotion, 11(1), 52-60. doi:10.1037/a0021557
11. Leong, L. T. J. (2012). Gratitude is an ongoing dyadic relationship: The effects of feeling and expressing gratitude on marital satisfaction among married couples. (2012-99100-115).
12. Palmer, Kandace R. (2018) ‘The Expression of Gratitude as a Contributor to Marital Strength,’ Intuition: The BYU Undergraduate Journal in Psychology, 13(2), 03. Retrieved from https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/intuition/vol13/iss2/3

In life, everyone is permanently filled with choices. You may decide and determine to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to accept the optimist’s path and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

Twins born on the same day from the same womb may have different opinions and choices to make. In their looking unto the sky, one may see the mud and while the other may see stars. Happiness is a matter of choice and the attitude of the inner mind. If you’ve won second place in a popular competition, will you be happy and rejoicing and planning for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again? That’s the truth of happiness!

Look at that old lady smiling, not regretting anything that she did because she lived a happy life. And look at that old guy, sad and depressed because of certain choices he made that made him sad and regret his choices. Who do you want to be? You can be happy just by making someone else’s day. You can be happy by giving out and helping out society. Most people relate happiness to growth in economic income. But why? Why let society decide what makes you happy and what shouldn’t make you happy? Take the wheel, and choose for yourself. If a good old movie makes you happy then you should watch it. If going to the beach and feeling the breeze makes you happy then please, go to the beach. If you hate the job you’re doing then please quit. Life is short. Make every second count. Start changing the way you live and focus on the aspects that matter the most. Go marry the girl you always wanted. Live. Simply, just live and enjoy it.

The following are small simple changes to growth happiness:

Being thankful is a source of happiness for those that adopt it. There are reasons why we should be thankful. Let it be your attitude to be thankful. Gratefulness is a seed of happiness that many people didn’t value. Start each day with a grateful heart. Be thankful for what you do have and what you wish you had. You might think you don’t have anything but many people wish they are in your shoes. You might not own a car, but someone out there doesn’t own a house. They don’t have a place to live. You are crying about having new shoes? That kid out there doesn’t have legs. Always be thankful for everything that you have. No matter how little they are.

With gratitude, people usually realize that happiness exists in their life. It exists in them. With gratitude people are usually emotional and happy, they have good thoughts and it helps build strong relationships. People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past by retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings, the present, by not taking good fortune for granted as it comes, and the future by maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude.

Gratitude is a way for people of appreciating what they have and not reach for new things that they think will make them happier. They keep thinking they can’t be happy unless every material or physical thing that they want is achieved. People can show gratitude by thanking each other, meditating, counting their blessings, and praying.