Category: Parenting Styles

The early childhood is an extremely important period and it forms the basis of the child’s adult life. Being a kindergarten teacher, I discover that children are potential and parents give numerous and different resources to develop their children in different aspects. Nowadays, children’s social ability, problem solving ability and personality are the issues that parents concern about. On my point of view, one parenting style is not enough cause children’s potential is a miracle, we need to have different methods to teach them to prepare their future. Therefore, a combination of parenting styles is needed. For me, each component of the authoritative parenting style seems to have its own benefits. However, authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles should be combined to teach children sometimes.

Firstly, authoritative styles may promote the ability of social. There is evidence that authoritative parents help kids become more empathic, helpful, conscientious, and kind to others (Krevans and Gibbs, 1996). Children live and gain the first social experiences in the family. They learn in the interaction process within the family that, how they should behave towards those people around them. Moreover, children learn social skills by making observation with being models of their parents, other adults, siblings and peers. This is an unwittingly and non-systematic learning method (Avcıoğlu, 2007). Authoritative parents take their children’s opinions into account and they validate their children’s feelings. Therefore, your kids may learn from you to use listening and feeling to build a closer relationship with others in the future.

Besides, authoritative styles may upgrade children’s problem-solving ability. Parents communicate lots of warmth to their kids. They avoid using harsh or arbitrary punishments. When their children make mistakes or misbehave, they talk with them about it. They listen to their children’s concerns, and take them into account. They help kids figure out what went wrong, and explain the consequences of good and bad behavior. Parents who avoid reprimanding kids for intellectual mistakes (e.g., ‘I’m disappointed in you’) may have kids who are more resilient problem-solvers and better learners (Kamins and Dweck, 1999; Schmittmann et al., 2006; van Duijvenvoorde et al., 2008). Every day there are teachable moments and authoritative parents capitalize on these learning opportunities. As a result, using these common every day occurrences, parents ask their children thought-provoking questions which creates children who are logical-thinking problem solvers.

Finally, both authoritative and authoritarian styles are helping children to develop their own personality in a positive way. The authoritative parent aims to inspire cooperation by fostering positive feelings, and teaching kids the reasons for the rules. On the other hand, the authoritarian parent believe kids should follow the rules without exception. Morin (2017) mention that different parenting styles develop children’s different positive personalities. As a result, we can see that authoritative and authoritarian styles can develop children’s different positive personalities. For instance, children of authoritative parents become more extroverted to share their feeling and take responsibility in different roles. Children of authoritarian parents easily to build up their self-discipline, obedience, become more independent and purposeful to do anything. Therefore, authoritative and authoritarian styles help you to promote children’s unique personality to prepare for their future.

To sum up, the outcomes of authoritative parenting are extremely positive to develop the ability of social and problem solving. At the same time, the combination of authoritative and authoritarian style also can bring out benefits which is developing positive personality. Regarding these three elements, I think your children’s social life and personality can be bright in their future.

Amy Chua is what some may consider, a Chinese-American superstar. She is a Harvard graduate, professor at Yale Law School, an author of five books, and a devoted mother to her two daughters, Sophia and Louisa. Despite her countless achievements and success, she is undoubtably most famous for her 2011 memoir, ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’. Following The New York Times release of an excerpt from her book, Chua experienced enormous backlash from Western-parents all over the United States. Her memoir was meant to be a personal story of how she had raised her children to be what most consider as successful, and how like many other Asian parents she achieved this through strength, power, fear and respect. However, rather than inspiring parents all over the world to incorporate a strict, military like regime, where “drilling academic activities with their children” (Chua, 270) becomes the daily norm, in my opinion, Chua came across as tone-deaf, self-righteous and ultimately satirized her own reputation.

I’m sure there are quite a few of Chua’s readers that can relate to growing up with the strict ‘Tiger Mother’ parenting style she has imposed upon her own children. However, that doesn’t mean that they have carried on the tradition with their own offspring. In her book, Chua compares Chinese-parents to Western-parents. According to Chua, there are a few basic rules children must abide by in a typical Chinese household. For example, there are no sleepovers or television allowed, no involvement in school plays, no grades lower than an A, no placing second in any subject other than drama or gym, no choice in extracurricular activities, and it is an absolute must that children play either the piano or violin.

While these restrictions are severe enough on their own, the way Chua enforces them is the real concern. Chua says herself, that “Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners”. She admits to depriving her daughters of dinner and bathroom breaks, screaming matches and to belittling and insulting them. Chua says that Chinese parents demand perfection, because they truly believe that their children are capable. But, if their child fails or performs less than what is expected of them, the best reaction is to “punish and shame the child” (Chua, 271).

While I agree with Chua when she says “that nothing is fun until you’re good at it”, and that “to get good at anything you have to work”, I do not believe that you should ignore your child’s personal preferences and attempts to express their own individuality, or continuously shame them. New York Times commentator David Brooks, makes a good point when he asks in his own critique, “where do children learn to detect their own shortcomings?” (275). If parents are constantly monitoring and dictating every aspect of their children’s lives, how are they to develop the cognitive and social skills necessary to function as an independent adult. I wonder, how will they cope when mom and dad are no longer around to tell them what to do and how to do it? I imagine many end up feeling lost, with a lack of identity and sense of self.

Feelings such as these can be linked to mental illnesses, many of which are caused by psychological or social factors. Childhood abuse, trauma, or neglect, such as social isolation or loneliness, can lead to severe or long-term stress and implications. Chua says in her book, that “Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, ‘Hey fatty—lose some weight’”, and that they will do so, without ending up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image, unlike their Western counterparts. How sad it is, that she couldn’t be more wrong.

While eating disorders can be brought on by a variety of biopsychosocial factors, they are most commonly associated with personality characteristics such as perfectionism and sensitivity to reward and punishment. They can also be brought on as a reaction to trauma and feelings of shame, guilt, or a feeling of a lack of control in one’s own life. An eating disorder is often an individual’s desperate attempt to regain control or cope with these intense emotions. According to the Academy of Eating Disorders, “there is no data to support the idea that eating disorders are caused by a certain type of family dynamic or parenting style”. However, it is undeniable that constant criticism and narcissistic tendencies towards a child, let alone anyone, could have long-term, damaging psychological effects.

Amy Chua demeans and degrades her children when they perform less than perfectly. Her actions seem to be a strange attempt to break them down, to then build them back up into what she considers better. In a few instances, while reading her excerpt, I was reminded of my own mother. Growing up, my mother would say unimaginable things to my sister and I. Whenever we fought back and asked why she was so cruel, her answer was “Wouldn’t you rather hear it from me than a stranger?”. I must admit, her reasoning was true. I would rather be saved the embarrassment and be set straight by someone close, rather than my peers or the public. However, the way one presents concern or disappointment in another can really make or break the situation, or person in this case. Children especially, should feel nurtured, valued, and loved. At times, it seems Chua is more concerned about her children’s contribution to the family image, rather than who they are as individuals and how they are feeling.

Luckily for Chua, it appears her daughters have emerged from childhood unscathed. They have blossomed into the successful and bright, young women that she always knew they were destined to become. In 2016, journalist Tanith Carey, interviewed the Chua sisters and gave the world a little update on their lives. While doing extraordinarily well themselves, Carey says that the girls “have met plenty of casualties of some of the high-pressure parenting techniques” (277) they too experienced while growing up, while attending their Ivy League colleges. So, while yes, Chua’s ‘Tiger Mother’ intense parenting style worked out in the short term, and I say that because who knows how her daughters will be feeling in ten or twenty years from now, Chua should consider herself lucky that her girls did not present any preexisting traits associated with mental illnesses. Had they, combined with her ruthless parenting style, the sisters could have very easily, ended up with extremely low self-esteem or worse issues.

I do not doubt that Amy Chua deeply cares for her daughters. Clearly, she loves and only wants what she thinks is best for them. But, while reading ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’, it’s obvious that Chua believes Chinese parents are better at raising successful children, than Western ones. Coming off as entitled, Chua feels her children are forever indebted to her. She seems to seek a personal sense of accomplishment through her children’s success. It’s wonderful that Chua believes in her daughter’s capabilities, but her approach at conveying this message is harsh and often unheard. Children need encouragement, love, and to feel valued. They should not feel fear and intimidation, through ‘Tiger Mother’ parenting.

No two units of dad and mom are the same. Each has outstanding views about energy of will and a one-of-a-kind set of values they select out to instill in their children. But at the equal time as one-of-a-kind in style, dad and mom have the equal intent – to create a world full of love for their kids and to information them each and every step of the way.

There are the 4 crucial styles of parenting: authoritarian parenting, uninvolved parenting, permissive parenting and authoritative parenting.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian mom and father are persistently referred to as the disciplinarians. With strict insurance diagram layout insurance policies that are normally now no longer described to the child, verbal alternate is often one way (from dad or mum to little one only). Discipline is the precedence of authoritarian parents, as an end result, they have an ideal deal, a lot less nurturing parenting vogue that typically consists of punishment. They have excessive expectations from their young people and provide little to no flexibility.

Uninvolved Parenting

Like the title suggests, mother and father who have this fashion show off little involvement in their young adults and specifically an excellent deal lets their youthful human beings do something they want. There is little dialog between parties, an awful lot a great deal less nurturing from the dad and mom and a lot of freedom for the young adults and there is no superb electrical energy of thinking trend utilized. Some dads and mothers choose out this parenting vogue consciously, on the distinctive hand most uninvolved moms and fathers generally have a lack of documents about parenthood and now no longer tremendous of what to do.

Permissive Parenting

Also referred to as indulgent parenting, dad and mother who exercising this vogue see themselves as their kid’s friend on the extraordinary hand than an authoritative figure. While they are warmness and nurturing and dialog is open, they furnish little educating and route to their toddler and lets him make selections on his own. Permissive mother and father generally do now not set insurance format insurance policies and have minimal expectations of their offspring.

Authoritative Parenting

Many human beings depend on that this style is the most barring a doubt in reality truely recommended to children. Authoritative mother and father are nurturing and extraordinarily properly and even if they set excessive expectations for their child, they furnish flexibility. When it comes to discipline, the insurance policies are referred to simply and described to the child. Communication is very open between activities and in a way that the youthful one will understand. Many youthful adults raised by means of the use of viable of way of way of doable of authoritative mom and father agree with for themselves and are self-disciplined.

Conclusion

Some dads and moms have a show up at a superb parenting vogue strictly, on the other hand, many of them mix and match different styles. Experts advise no longer to show each vogue separately, and then consider it as a continuum.

Parenting is a ‘pass it on’ feature in life. When two adults decide to have a child, they commit themselves to raise that child and doing so by gathering for possibly everything that the child will need. These comprise of food, shelter, education, pleasure and many others.

The ‘Tiger Mom’ parenting style is most likely to produce happy children who grow up to be happy and productive adults than the Western parenting style. This is because tiger parenting is stricter, disciplined, structured and demanding. Tiger parents will always pressure and push their children to attain high levels of academic achievement, using authoritarian parenting methods. Amy Chua, in her 2011 book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ popularized this name. Chua points out to tiger parents, mostly seen in Chinese families, as superior to Western parents. Western parenting allows the child to be a child and is mostly seen by Asian parents as a lazy parenting style.

When it comes to education, Chinese parents are very strict. According to them, an education equals to a bright future for their child, and from that young age, competition is inevitable between siblings, friends, cousins, and the parents tend to compare their child to every other child out there. Chua says that Chinese parents can say, “You’re lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you”. At a young age, children are being sent tuition, math, music and language classes. All these are done to increase their employability rate once they become adults. On the other hand, Western parents are very lenient when it comes to their child’s education. To them, the pressure from schooling is detrimental to the development of their child.

The ‘Tiger Parents’ punishes their children whenever they mess up or even whey they dare think about messing. Hence, the child grows up knowing that punishment is unavoidable whenever they do anything wrong. Punishments enhance discipline since the children will learn always to do the right thing. Unlike in the Western world where punishments are mostly ‘time outs’ where the kids are separated or deprived of play to pass some time alone thinking of what they did wrong. They believe that children should not feel pain since it affects their emotional development. This will never enforce discipline because the children know that every time they do wrong, their parents will stand by them.

In a typical Chinese household, children are expected to do their chores and assist around the house. Some children are even likely to help with the laundry and are taught to clean and care for themselves, despite gender. These chores encourage children to be more responsible, and it assists keep them grounded. It is more elaborated that tasks help children to be more organized, empathetic and considerate of others. Also, it curbs disobedience and boredom. For the Western children, the biggest chore they can do is to wash the dishes and put their things away since the tasks are seen as laborious for them and involving them in doing the chores is equated to child abuse.

Amy Chua in her book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ says, “The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong”. This is in comparison to the Western parents who will sit their children down after that show disapproval, but they will continuously be careful not to make their children feel short.

Exposed her offspring’ studying model – spending half a day to practice the music instruments each day. Chua was putting a high expectation to her daughters and believing they are both talented and able to make good use of it, even if they don’t find in them sometimes. She never assumed that her daughter would fail in the tasks. This strategy facilitated them to create a belief in themselves, stepping into a higher standard. Moreover, Chua less protected their daughters when they were faced with any difficulties and failures. This assists the children to learn not to give up easily. To always work persistently until they achieve what they what in life. Unlike the Western parents who will allow their children to do what they want and later the parents regret the failure of the children and their inability to guide them in the right way.

The ‘Tiger Moms’ bring up children who are in top physically and mentally. They will never let their children eat unhealthily or even slack off on exercise. These two aspects are essential in raising children that Western parents have begun to neglect. Chua tells us that Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, “Hey fatty—lose some weight”. In contrast, Western parents will have to tread softly around the issue, speaking in terms of ‘health’ and never mentioning the f-word, and their children still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image. Big-ups to the ‘Tiger Moms’. Because you do not want a fat loser on your hands.

Also, ‘Tiger Moms’ will teach their children that the world is harsh. The world is not going to deliver to the children a career, a beautiful house, and a family on a silver platter. Everything that one gets in this world he or she gains. Not to mention, there is sexism, racism, and many other –isms in the way of your children’s accomplishments. Psych Central puts it straight that when we coddle and overprotect them from challenges, they don’t learn to be strong. The children will grow up to be weak and dependent on their parents. It is not a pretty picture. Parents need strong and confident children. Unlike the Western parents who will always overprotect their children and help them in solving problems which the children themselves could have done some research to find a solution to that particular problem.

It is convincing that ‘Tiger Moms’ is better than the Western parent. This is because they bring up children that grow up to be productive adults. The same children learn that the world is harsh. Also, they learn to be independent, obedient, disciplined, organized and even be considerate to others. In contrast, Western parenting will always recognize that childhood is a time to be treasured for its own sake. Accordingly, Western culture is filled with works of art that exalt and celebrate the intrinsic worth and dignity of childhood which will make the children have the mentality that their parents will always be there for them.

Work Cited

1. Behrens, Laurence. Writing and Reading Across the Curriculum. 1982. Textbook.