Category: Marriage

The questions related to family, marriage, and gender roles always played a crucial role in society. The norms established in these fields were changing in different historical periods. Sometimes, the mode of behavior considered as a rebellion against the social standards in one period could become a norm in the following era. An example of such violation could be observed in the epic romance film Gone with the wind (1939) adapted from the book by Margaret Mitchell. In this essay, the structure of the families and the issues of marriage represented in the film will be described. The paper will also demonstrate how the protagonist of the film, Scarlett OHara, violated the established rules, however, determining the ideal for the following generations.

The film describes the American South during the Civil War and the following years, characterized by the reconstruction of social and economic ideals. Scarlett OHara, the main character of the film, represents the new, emerging ideal of a strong, socially active, and psychologically independent woman. The story of her life demonstrates the challenges she faces while trying to fit into the existing social norms of the previous era. Scarlett was born and brought up in a traditional family with a father of Irish origin and a South American-born mother. Traditionalism is manifested in the household structure where the father is responsible for the familys income, and the mother is the house manager. As in all other families represented in the film, the woman is the one to perform house chores; the man is outside of them. Children are brought up in a culture of respect and obedience towards their parents. Scarletts two sisters are determined, upon reaching a certain age, to marry the men chosen by her parents rather driven by economic and social concerns than interested in their daughters preferences. The families are extended; often, relatives live together, or visit and stay in each others houses. The familys model is distinctly patriarchal, and women have little right of choice in family, as well as in political, social, and economic life.

The marriage of the youth is mostly planned by their parents; there is little space for personal feelings. In the case of Wilkes, intermarriage within the family has been practiced for several generations, providing the reason for Melanie Hamiltons engagement to Ashley Wilkes, her first cousin. However, Scarlett is a character who does not act according to social norms. By her behavior, she violates the domestic ideals as a belle, wife, mother, and widow & the Victorian rules dealing with women and economic life. (Setyowati, 2017, p. 163). During the period depicted in the film, she marries three times. She chooses all the partners of her life without the order or even advice of her parents. The first marriage is short as her husband Charles Hamilton dies soon after it. In the second, when married to Frank Kennedy, she is the family leader, working as a man and earning more than her husband. Only in the third case, Rhett Butler could be considered the head of the family; yet, Scarlett is too ambitious and independent to become subordinate.

In the film, there are no examples of cohabitation, heterosexual or homosexual relationships, as well as monogamy, serial monogamy, polygamy, or polyandry. At the time described in the movie, there was no place for such forms of relationships, and even divorce was hardly acceptable by society. A woman could marry the second time, as Scarlett OHara did, only in case of the first husbands demise after an extended period of mourning.

In summary, the families, types of marriages, and gender roles performed in the households described in Gone with the wind are traditional. However, Scarlett OHara violates the established norms, setting the ideal of the independent and self-sufficient woman. She can financially support the whole family, as well as take the decisions on her own rather than follow her husband. Such a position, considered unusual in the era described in the film, gradually became the norm in the following historical period.

References

Fleming, V. (Director). (1939). Gone with the wind [Film]. Selznick International Pictures.

Setyowati, L. (2017). Gender ideals violation in domestic and economic life as found in Margaret Mitchells Gone with the wind. Humaniora, 8(2), 163-172.

Chris

The recommendation that would be made to Chris is that his views of places of worship to be obligate to perform same-sex marriages is untrue. The first reason is that people in society have different ways of accepting other individuals sexual orientation, such as same-sex marriage (María et al., 2022). Hence, it is essential to respect the ideologies of different places of worship. The second recommendation is that Chris should try understanding that every person has their own beliefs and ideologies. It is caused by the existence of freedom of expression and the ability to understand the different intercultural communication competencies. Hence, Chris was free to feel the way he does, which does not mean there are no places of worship that perform same-sex marriages. The third recommendation is that Chris should be able to respect the way people choose to do their things. It is because social contexts significantly impact peoples behaviors, which are better built through socialization. Therefore, interaction and communication broaden ones perspective.

Terry

When it comes to Terry, the recommendation is that he should continue to have a positive way of thinking, as he believes that the place of worship should not be obligated, but want to. This shows that there is freedom, and something has to be done willingly, not from the point of duty. Additionally, marriage is considered sacred and hence should not be forced to be performed. The second recommendation is that there are movements that offer same-sex marriage willingly without being obligated to do this. Terry can make it possible for Chris to understand that there are freedoms for LGBTQ now than in years back (Romero, 2020). Also, the movements have an existing place, where same-sex marriages take place. Lastly, it would be beneficial for Terry to advice Chris that LGBTQ couples not only do they have a chance of getting married normally, but also attending worship centers like typical people. This advice can provide affirmation to Chris that indeed the LGBTQ individuals are ordinary people with different sexual orientations.

References

María, S., Aliagas, L., & Rutten, C. (2022). Youths literary socialisation practices online: A systematic review of research. Learning. Culture and Social Interaction, 34. Web.

Romero, M. (2020). Sociology engaged in social justice. American Sociological Review, 85(1), 130. Web.

Outline

The paper deals with the marriage as dealt with in the book by Jane Austen, The Pride, and Prejudice. The book espouses evidence of being inspired by writings of that era. Typically, there are instances when the womens liberation as visualized by Mary Wollstonecraft and the woman as visualized by a father Dr. Gregory have also influenced the way the novel has proceeded. Therefore, the review is conducted by taking into account the various articles that have been given in the book on the Longman Culture series of Pride and Prejudice. Initially, the review looks at it from the womens liberation viewpoint and then later from the womans modesty and behavior viewpoint proposed by Dr. Gregory. In addition to these, the influence of the Clandestine Marriage Bill and the reviews of the earlier writers such as Trollope and Sir Walter Scott are also taken into account.

Introduction

Marriage as an institution was quite solid at the time of Jane Austen. The Christian sanctity of the institution is also to be taken into account. That marriages are made in heaven was believed and yet both parents and their wards had to do something on their own for the marriages to be so made! Talking of parents, they may be obsessed with marriage as in the case of Mrs. Bennett or rather indifferent as Mr. Bennett would suggest. The novel Pride and Prejudice provide several angles to look at the subject of marriage.

Mrs. Bennett and her views on marriage

Having had five daughters of marriageable age, Mrs. Bennett started thinking quite early, about how to rope in eligible sons-in-law. It might be a good idea to get a clear picture of the kind of society that she lived in to understand why Mrs. Bennett behaved the way she did. With an interest in marriage that bordered on obsession, there was nothing else that mattered to her. Of course, the only thing that did matter was the financial status of the person her daughters would marry. She could not even imagine a situation where one of her daughters could turn down the proposal of a man; even though he was of questionable character. As Jane Austen, herself describes her, The business of her life was to get her daughters married. However, when confronted with the question of private education right at the beginning, the author seems to side with Mary Wollstonecraft in her sensibilities to private education and the impact it has on young girls and their lives.

With the obsession with marriage becoming stronger as the story progresses, it is difficult for Mrs. Bennett to come to terms with a situation where none of her daughters can make a suitable match. She is not able to depend on her husband; his lackadaisical attitude is enough to send her into a spin, not knowing how to set things right, without being overwrought about what is happening. Whereas her daughters were more in line with what Dr. Gregory in his article to his daughters points out, you will easily see that I could never pretend to advise whom you should marry; but I can with great confidence advise whom you should not marry. They could always say why they cannot marry someone then why they should!

Marriage from the point of view of the other women in the novel

As mentioned at the outset, there were various views on marriage that the characters seemed to profess. What unites them all is the fact that a very small minority of the women in the novel did not believe that marriage was essential. The vast majority of the women and most of the men were of the firm view that it was possibly the goal of any human being, male or female to find a suitable spouse within a certain period. There was no male sexual predation over the female in any of Janes novels which sets the tempo of this work. This is more a subtle and yet perceptible change in the behavior of the people that increases the chances of one finding her partner for life. There is no hurry except for Mrs. Bennett. There is no ruffling of feathers in the hornets nest. But there was every reason for every one of the ladies to have their choice of the right man. The seventeenth-century setting has greatly highlighted the times then, bringing into focus what was happening to the women of that time. In a male-dominated society that did nothing more than find for themselves the right woman, it was the duty of the woman to ensure that she is secure and safe and has the protection of the men for the rest of their lives. There is constant stress on the beauty that lies underneath the entire story and is in line with the times then. As Mary Wollstonecraft says, the woman has to stay beautiful to stay under the protection of her man. When she becomes not so desirable then her standing in society was certainly questionable. However, it is also important to note that she refers to the law, ostensibly the Clandestine Marriage Bill, and the debate that raged the House of Commons in those days. The bill was repealed in line with the discussions that centered around blasphemy and of course, the elections at that time.

Among the daughters of Mrs. Bennett, it was Elizabeth, her second-born who had an idea that was not in line with the ideas of the others. In line with the writings of Dr. John Gregory, who advises in his article A Fathers legacy to his daughters, ladies should keep their idea of marriage inviolable in your bosoms. She did not reveal what was going through in her mind. So did her other sisters too. She believed that marriage would not be even considered if the person who asked for her hand in marriage did not attract her personally. In other words, she was convinced that she would marry more for love than for money. Though she is attracted towards Mr. Darcy, the knowledge that she acquires from Mr. Wickham about Mr. Darcys supposed meanness turns her away from him. She is not able to even contemplate the idea of marrying the man, because she so despises his very nature. By the time, the end of the story is reached; she gets to learn of his innate goodness and the reasons for him behaving in a particular way. This gives her a brand new idea about marriage and encourages her to think of it in very glowing terms. Till now she has looked upon it as a contract of convenience, one that is entered into to ensure financial security till the end. This view slowly changes when she realizes that the object of her affections, Mr. Darcy is truly worthy of her hand. There is no doubt that love takes precedence over material wealth. Her decision to marry, though long in coming, is welcomed by all.

However, the decision initially not to marry and then later consent to seem to be more in line with what Mary Wollstonecraft states in her treatise on A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. Quoting from her text: Women are told from their infancy and taught by the example of their mothers, that a little knowledge of human weakness, justly termed cunning, the softness of temper, outward obedience, and scrupulous attention to a puerile kind of propriety, will obtain for them the protection of man; and should they be beautiful, everything else is needless, for at least twenty years of their lives. And she wants women to come out of this ramshackle bond that is holding them. And true to the spirit of feminism, Elizabeth initially denies her lover but later after realizing the truth in his words and the cause of his behavior accepts him. The character creation of the mother is very much in line with these definitions laid down by Mary.

On the other hand, the other daughters of Mrs. Bennett seem to fall into the same old rut of making the best of a bad bargain. They are as obsessive as their mother when it comes to looking for a suitable man. There is no doubt that they believe in the act of marriage being the most important and most sought-after occasion in a persons life. When Lydia runs away with Mr. Wickham, without even a clue to his real nature, one wonders why this takes place. Is it because Lydia wants to escape from prying eyes and wagging tongues that keep questioning the singleness of the Bennett brood, or is just plain girlish impetuousness that drives her to elopement? Be that as it may, there is no doubt that she enters into this treatise with Wickham, fully believing his ability to keep her secure and happy for the rest of her life. It is looked at as the mans duty to have enough fortune to take care of his wife.

There is yet another female character, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who is the aunt of Mr. Darcy. Though this woman has no illusions about the institution of marriage, she avers that no marriage can be considered workable, if there is a variation in the societal status of the two people involved. There is a clear message in this attitude. She is more conscious of the aspect of financial stability than the ephemeral (according to her) nature of love and affection. She insists that marrying below ones one status is sure to lead to marital problems later on.

Is there an element of feminism or absence of it in Jane Austens females?

In this changing world of modernism and post-modernism, there is always room to contemplate whether or not, the female characters of Jane Austens Pride and Prejudice displayed an element of feminism in their behavior or not. Most feminists would aver that with this level of passion in the institution of marriage, it is difficult to even associate the idea of feminism with any of the characters mentioned in the novel. On the other hand, there is a view, that might sound quite convoluted, that despite all the importance given to finding a good husband, there is a streak of independence shown in the female characters, that could be considered feminist. Most of the women in the novel end up getting their way, whether it is finding a husband or ensuring that married life is worth living. In every one of these women, Jane Austen seems to reflect the mind of many of the women rights lobbyists, more particularly, she seems to have been influenced by the thoughts of her contemporary Mary Wollstonecraft. Feminism was in the actions that these women displayed at the same time, as Trollope says in his 1870 review, throughout her (Jane Austen) work, a sweet lesson of homely household womanly virtue is being taught. Though there are libertarian thoughts in her works, there is also this underlying current that sets the entire work in the same strain. There is the religion that has its due place and there is the ever so important manwoman relationship that it espouses. Jane Austens thoughts have inspired more than two centuries of women on various counts.

Conclusion

After this passionate and all-consuming desire to get girls married to the right person at the right time, the character of Mr. Bennett is in sharp contrast. His attitude is a foil to this over-enthusiasm of his wife. The brides and bridegrooms to be, if we go by the novel, are varied and capable of unexpected evolutions. A familys respectability depended on whether the grown-up children were properly married or not and that in turn would depend on the property that the bridegroom owned and the ancestral connections he had. It can be generalized in the period of the novel that women were relegated to the secondary level in matters of property as well as crucial decisions of the family, including marriage. Characters such as Mrs. Bennett have to cast their nets as wide as possible and in between stretch them to wider areas according to the possibilities of rich eligible young men.

Jane Bennett seems to agree, rather tamely, to marry Mr. Bingley because he happens to be a man of property, plus heritage; but, the situation could change when it is known that there are better prospects. Someone like Elizabeth Bennett, of course, would study the prospect from different angles though the basis would be the same for all girls. However, the author emphasizes the fact that there is nothing ideal in society. There is no ideal man or woman whom one could marry or be with. Elizabeths sister, Lydia, elopes on the false belief that Wickham was a person of strong means, a quality that has more importance than anything else to her.

The eighteenth-century attitude of male superiority is reflected in Mr. Darcy, who has a kind of contempt for most of the female population of Meryton village. The source of this superior attitude was of course from the property rights which were exclusive to men, in his time. However, Jane Austen goes beyond to include matters of the heart and the changes therein.

First Impressions was the earlier title of Pride and Prejudice; this sums up the idea that the book was more about what happens before marriage than what happens after it. Jane Austens characters in Pride and Prejudice seem to be obsessed with the idea that marriage is the only goal worth working towards. The book begins with the famous lines It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife and ends with a happy occasion of two marriage ceremonies. Whether or not these couples lived happily ever after could only be happy speculation.

Summary

The Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen are influenced by the thoughts present during the age; more specifically by the thoughts of liberal thinkers such as Mary Wollstonecraft. She is equally influenced by writings of people who consider womanhood as modest at the same time woman should choose her path. This idea has been reflected in most of her characters when they choose marriage. This has also been brought out by her reviewers.

References

1. Debates in the House of Commons on the Clandestine Marriage Bill.
2. Mary Wollstonecraft, 1792, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman.
3. Dr. John Gregory, 1774, A Fathers legacy to his daughters.
4. Sir Walter Scott, 1815, Review: The Pride and Prejudice, Quarterly Journal.
5. Anthony Trollope, 1870, Review of the Pride and Prejudice.

Introduction

Marriage is an essential part of peoples social lives, that helps them regulate their relationships with each other. Gays and lesbians strive to have the same basic freedoms as heterosexuals, including the right to relationship. However, there exist not only ethical issues but also legal ones related to the restriction of rights. The absence of a marriage certificate can create the same difficulties for same-sex couples as for heterosexual ones. Still, these families have no opportunity to resolve them by formalizing their mutual relationship because some states in America prohibit them from marrying. At the same time, they are trying to defend the right to marriage at both the state and national levels. The public discussion addresses the issue of supporting or not recognizing same-sex marriages. Accordingly, the populations are divided into two camps: some approve of gay marriage rights, while others believe that this right undermines respect for the institution of the family.

Context of the Problem

Non-registration of same-sex marriages causes many problems for gays and lesbians. For example, if the relationship ends, it is challenging for homosexuals to divide their common property. Another point to mention about divorce is that if they married in a state that allowed it and lived in a prohibitionist jurisdiction, they must divorce where they live. Accordingly, a legal conflict is founded, which takes a long process and a significant amount of effort to resolve. At the same time, there are many advantages in the U.S. in the form of general family insurance or tax and pension benefits that gays do not receive in some states. It should be noted that without a formal marriage, it is incredibly problematic for same-sex couples to adopt a child (Hart-Brinson, 2018). Thus, full official recognition of same-sex marriage should provide all the constitutional rights for gays that are now limited.

History

Gays have been trying to assert their rights to recognition as a social group for a long time. The Stonewall revolts started a political movement when even homosexuality was considered illegal in every state except Illinois. By 1973 nearly fifty thousand organizations were fighting for the rights of homosexual minorities. As early as 1970, gays were demanding official recognition of the right to marry (Mattson, 2020). The issue of same-sex marriage again rose after the 1993 Hawaii court ruling that the state must recognize gay unions. Subsequently, 40 more states passed the Defense of Marriage Act, recognizing only traditional marriage. In 1996, Bill Clinton signed a law stating that no state should accept gay unions. Nevertheless, the case of Baker v. Vermont admitted gay marriage rights (Tankard & Paluck, 2017). However, until 2010, 14 states banned same-sex unions. In 2011 President Obama introduced a proposal to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, accordingly prohibiting same-sex unions. Afterward, the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage the problem remains unresolved in certain states.

Parties to the Debate

Proponents of recognizing same-sex unions argue that rejection based on gender is discriminatory. At the same time, they emphasize that the prohibition and condemnation of gay marriage lead to the perception that they are not full citizens. Advocates also point out that people in same-sex marriages should enjoy all the rights afforded to ordinary couples. In support of their views is a 2014 Miami-Dade County Circuit Court decision, noting that Floyds ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional (Hirsch, 2020). The courts opinion claims that it has the effect of diminishing the protected constitutional rights and dignity of gay people. It is also discriminatory because there are many benefits available only to married couples. For example, they file a joint tax return that reduces the tax burden or family insurance. However, advocates of gay marriage also make the claim that such unions boost the economy. For example, in 2012, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg reported that gay marriage enriched the budget by fifty-nine million dollars in one year alone (Hirsch, 2020). That is, gay couples also paid taxes and marriage licensing fees, which helped fill the budget.

The views of those in favor of banning same-sex unions should also be considered. Their main argument is that the marriage of the gay couple undermines values and centuries-old traditions. As an alternative, they propose the protection of gay rights at the level of social unions. Another argument is the religious belief that partnership is necessary to continue the species and that gays cannot provide this. A California Supreme Court would affirm this view and indicate that what matters to society is the continuation of the species. Similarly, religious teachings oppose the legalization of marriage. The Bible, in Leviticus 18:22, states, Current shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination (Williams, 2018, p. 247). Thus, believers interpret this as a prohibition against such a relationship and consequently its legalization.

Recommendations to Solve the Issue

In order to solve the same-sex marriage problem, public opinion must be examined to reassure it that there is no danger if gay marriage is legalized. In fact, most gay couples also have religious beliefs and will attend services at church. Thus, one can request the help of a religious pastor to explain that marriage is needed not only for the continuation of the species but also for the peace of heart and soul. In this way, the anxiety and sadness that accompanies gay marriage result from the influence and misunderstanding of others, something the Bible does not approve of either. Accordingly, many believers will realize that their categorical thought is inconvenient and not following the commitments of the church (Williams, 2018). In turn, same-sex unions will have more success among religious people, who are very categorical on this issue. As a consequence, then the religious factor will not be one of the reasons for not registering marriages.

The next recommendation is to use international law, as the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and the Human Rights Committee prohibit discrimination on the grounds of sex. Therefore, it is possible to appeal to international bodies, such as the European Court of Human Rights. Based on the fact that these democratic institutions ensure that states respect the rights of citizens, their decisions are mandatory. Accordingly, a gay couple will officially register their marriage in a forbidding state (Williams, 2018). At the same time, the state or the nation will have a court decision to be respected in the following similar cases. This will thus ensure that same-sex marriages will be registered in a free and compulsory manner.

Conclusion

Therefore, the problem with same-sex marriages is that not recognizing them comprehensively creates inconvenience for gay couples; accordingly, their rights guaranteed by law are restricted. Meanwhile, there is still an active public debate about whether or not same-sex marriages should be officially accepted. Both sides of the discussion make strong arguments, which continues to be the case. In summary, gays still have problems in areas where heterosexuals are not limited.

References

Hart-Brinson, P. (2018). The gay marriage generation. New York University Press.

Hirsch, H. N. (2020). The future of gay rights in America. Routledge.

Mattson G. (2020). The gay marriage generation: How the LGBTQ movement transformed American culture. Contemporary Sociology, 49(2), 170-172.

Tankard, M. E., & Paluck, E. L. (2017). The effect of a Supreme Court decision regarding gay marriage on social norms and personal attitudes. Psychological science, 28(9), 1334-1344.

Williams, H. H. (2018). From family values to religious freedom: Conservative discourse and the politics of gay rights. New Political Science, 40(2), 246-263.

Introduction

A traditional marriage is the union of two people whose romantic relationship has become more profound and formalized. The relationship between people does not necessarily have to end in marriage, and many couples feel great about being single all their lives. Nevertheless, statistics show that about two-thirds of women have been married at any point in the past half-century, indicating a high prevalence of the marriage phenomenon (Ortiz-Ospina & Roser, 2020). A happy marriage can bring excellent development for romantic relationships, make them more serious and meaningful, and provide a start for starting a new family. However, Ortiz-Ospina and Roser (2020) also report that not all marriages succeed, and as many as 37% may end in divorce. This is quite a large percentage, and as the number of years lived together increases, the number of divorces tends to increase, according to the same authors. The high divorce rate is the primary motivating factor that made me choose Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last by Gottman (1995) as literature of interest. John Mordechai Gottman is an American psychologist specializing in family practice, a developer of unique family counseling software, and one of todays most influential therapists, so his credibility as an author of useful material does not seem questionable (Cole, 2019). One day in my life, I plan to get married, so I wanted to know the key recommendations, perspectives, and tips on how to avoid conflicts that end in divorce. I had heard about this book before and received many positive reviews, so I read it in hopes that I could learn how to build a secure and successful marriage.

The Need for Continuous Improvement

One of the key ideas I took away from reading this book is that in any marriage, the individual must strive for continuous improvement. Gottman (1995) ironically quoted the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which states that in closed energy systems, things tend to run down and get less orderly, the same seems to be true of closed relationships like marriages (p. 61). I found this an interesting comparison for several reasons. First, this parallel shows that in the absence of any change, marriage will eventually lose its former energy, increasing entropy, which will cause the measure of chaos in it to increase. Such chaos risks ending in conflict, quarrels, and divorce, which is not an ideal end to a once happily ever after marriage. Second, Gottman compares marriage to a closed system, as that term is used in thermodynamics. I am not inclined to agree with this entirely because in classical closed systems, there is no exchange of matter and energy with the environment, and in marriage, there is no such thing. People in marriage socialize with friends and relatives, get emotional discharge from different sides, and bring new elements to their marriage. Nevertheless, Gottmans point seems clear: In the absence of positive changes in marriage, such a union of individuals tends to end tragically. Third, I was skeptical of this phrase of the author, not only because of the incomprehensible parallel with the closed system but also as if the position were that the reader (such as myself) is inherently wrong, so it is necessary to improve in order to keep the marriage alive. However, I began to look deeper into this comparison and realized that it discusses a two-way change in the name of a happy marriage. Indeed, perfect marriages, in which people understand each other completely from the beginning, have empathy and unlimited love exist, but they are a minority. As a rule, people conflict in marriages, so working on yourself and contributing positively to your marriage is vital. This is the first lesson I learned from the book, and I will use it in later life when building a serious relationship with the man I potentially want to marry.

The Negative Past

The second knowledge I took away from this book is the need to be honest with myself and my partner throughout all phases of the relationship. In discussing some predictors of divorce, Gottman (1995) points out that negative memories associated with the early stages of a relationship can be a reason to break up a union: People who are feeling distressed more easily remember negative episodes from the past-so your current negativity triggers negative memories that reinforce your current feeling (p. 128). This phrase focuses on the fact that negativity can have a chronic cumulative effect, and when it becomes the cause of divorce, it is simply the culmination of that effect. After I understood this thought, I began thinking about how to avoid the tragedy of marriage associated with negativity. It turns out to be quite simple: you need to share your experiences with your partner and accept your emotions. Some people may not fully recognize what they are feeling or may try to hide their emotions in an attempt not to offend their partner. However, in reality, this is an incorrect strategy that leads to an accumulation of angry feelings. Instead of systematically hiding emotions and trying to take responsibility for maintaining the marriage in this way, emotional intelligence needs to be developed. For the conscious and emotionally mature individual, recognizing emotions is not difficult; once they have been identified, it is necessary to tell the partner how the individual is feeling in the moment. For example, phrases like I am hurting right now, I feel angry, and I am very hurt at you may seem obvious and primitive, but they contain the power of effective communication and trust to share underlying feelings. Moreover, it creates the potential to address the problem instead of silencing it, which means that the partners behaviors are adjusted and account for these changes in the future. Thus, I can become more effective in relationships in the future because I already understand the importance of simple and feeling-based communication.

Pride and Persuasion

From the lesson described in the last section, it is appropriate to discuss the next one, which involves interacting with your partner during quarrels. It should be emphasized that quarrels are a natural part of any relationship; it is a crisis that must be overcome correctly to achieve better future results. However, it is crucial to be wise during quarrels and not succumb to the primal desire to reduce the dialogue to an emotional conflict with no benefit other than emotional chaos. When (1995) discusses another example of dialogue between the couple Max and Anita, he shows an example of the partners low level of awareness. Gottman writes, In essence, volatile couples simply skip the validators first phase of discussing a delicate issue: they dont try to understand and empathize with their partner (p. 40). There are several exciting elements to this thought that I would like to discuss in more detail. First, Gottman uses the word validator, which, as became apparent a few pages earlier, refers to couples who are mutually respectful, somewhat neutral, and supportive of one another. Second, skip the validators first phase in this case refers to the inability to come to mutual understanding through appropriate and wise strategies when people dont try to understand and empathize with their partner. Third, Gottman refers to couples who resort to skipping the validator with the term volatile, meaning the possibility of the rapid change mainly for the worse. Interestingly, the term has to do with physics and means such a characteristic of solvents that evaporate quickly in the air: the psychologist has previously cited physics, and such a parallel seems interesting. The conclusion I have drawn for myself from what has been described is that during arguments and conflicts, whatever they may be, the individual must take responsibility for solving the problem intelligently, and the first step is to hear his partner. One must temporarily put down the emotions and listen to the complaints and grievances the partner is laying out, which will establish the core of the conflict and resolve it more point by point. This approach is challenging to use and requires much self-control, but it is achievable, and the benefits of this tactic, according to Gottman, significantly improve the relationship between partners.

Total Acceptance

Often, I have heard from others the preconception that in a romantic relationship, it is possible to change ones partner to suit ones interests. Usually, in such discussions, the partner acts as a manual machine whose settings can be set by a controller, and depending on the situation, such settings can be adaptive. However, a relationship has no room for the desire to change, modify, or adjust ones partners behavior. Gottman (1995) correctly writes about this when he says that but you get into trouble when you try to recreate one another to fit your own ideals in the chapter on preserving marriage by acknowledging reciprocity (p. 223). Marriage is a union between two people: they have different cultural and family backgrounds, different upbringings, and perhaps dominant philosophies of life, but they came together because they both found such a union attractive. After a while, when the partners blindness to falling in love passes, they begin to notice problems and defects in each other and want to change them. This way is wrong because neither person wants to be coerced, and the pressure causes a natural resistance. This resistance to change tends to lead to the development of the conflict, which in turn can cause divorce. The consequence of meeting such resistance can also be a quiet withdrawal of the partner who initiated the change into himself: they begin to devote more time to work, children, and self, but not to the problems in the marriage. A silent problem with regular condemnations brings a sense of negativity, aggression, and a desire to escape from the marriage. Solving this problem is relatively straightforward: Gottman suggests focusing on the positive elements for which people have come to love each other, spending more time together, and focusing on well-being without wanting to change your partner. It takes work on ones understanding of the nature of the relationship, but it is ultimately rewarding. I find this lesson extremely helpful in building effective relationships, and every time I want to change someone to suit my interests and needs, I will nip such thoughts in the bud and try to figure out the problem.

Recommendation

Myra, I know that you are getting married to someone you have been in a relationship with for about a year in a few months. As a supportive and compassionate friend, I recommend an excellent book for you to read that has dramatically improved my understanding of relationships, family, and divorce. It is the book Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last by Gottman, J. (1995). I can see how happy you are in your relationship and do not want you to experience problems in the future, so I recommend you read this; perhaps you might find the reading intriguing and appealing for you to spend a few days on it. Your upcoming wedding is a huge step, and it is sure to change your life for the better, so it is imperative that you take care ahead of time to ensure that any conflict or quarrel that arises in the family household is managed effectively and wisely, and beneficial to the relationship. I want to assure you that this book is not just another piece of popular science fiction; on the contrary, Gottman is one of the prominent psychotherapists of today, and the book is based on decades of research and data, so you can rest assured that it is an authoritative read. In short, this book will be an invaluable resource for wisdom and emotional maturity, and I do not regret spending the time to read it, so I share it with you with great respect and inspiration.

Reference

Cole, D. L. (2019). Gottman, John. In J. L. Lebow, A. L. Chambers, & D. C. Breunlin (Eds.), Encyclopedia of couple and family therapy (pp 13291330). Springer Cham.

Gottman, J. (1995). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last. Simon and Schuster.

Ortiz-Ospina, E., & Roser, M. (2020). Marriages and divorces. Our World in Data. Web.

Introduction

An arranged marriage takes place when another person, other than the couple anticipating marriage, arranges the marriage to shun the process of courtship between the two people to be married. Various groups of people throughout history have practiced this marriage style. Nowadays, various groups in South Asia and Middle East are still adhering to this practice as well as in the African and the Indian cultures. Arranged marriage is different from the concept of forced marriage. The parents, an older relative, or an honest third party usually makes the decision to unite the couple. In modern times, arranged marriages are commonly viewed as a fall back option if teenagers are not able or not ready to spend resources necessary to get an acceptable life partner. The parents are welcome partners in the hunt for a spouse. Arranged marriages give the bride and groom the opportunity to adjust their diverse values, so they may compromise with one another. This directly contrasts love marriages where each individual has full authority over the relationship.

Arranged marriages in India

Three events are crucial in ones life here in the world: birth, marriage, and death. Hence, the decision to marry is one of the most important decisions one will ever make. Because divorce is very unacceptable in the Indian culture, it is without doubt that the marriage decision is cautiously thought out and arranged. The process of making such a vital decision cannot be endowed to a young person. For some guardians, community pressure forces them to give in. In certain circumstances, a love marriage or a relationship is deemed as a disappointment on the guardians in taking charge of their children. Some parents are just unable to withstand the community pressure when their child has passed a certain age without getting marriage. Hence, more often they tend to marry them off before they are past certain a certain age limit. Traditionally, the potential life partners would rarely see each other until the day they are to accept the vows. The dowry negotiations are made between the relatives of the young people before they are allowed to stay together. In modern arranged marriages, some Indians are taking advantage of the internet and print media to place personal advertisements. Interested persons express their desire and the coupe may decide to meet later. In addition, parents look for mates for their children especially for their children living overseas. They are sent pictures of potential mates to select the person they fell attracted to and marriage arrangements made once they identity a mate and communicate.

Preservation of castes

The practice of arranged marriages has formed a vital component of the Indian culture since the fourth century (Flanigan para. 1). It is mainly perceived as a key backbone of the Indian society, strengthening the communal, economic, geographical, and the historical meaning of the people of India. In this community, arranged marriages serve six major purposes. First, it assists in preserving the social satisfaction system in the community. Parents exercise control over their children in having the final say in this type of marriage. This practice improves the possibilities of preserving and prolonging the familys ancestral lineage. It presents an opportunity to make the kinship groups strong. It permits the consolidation and extension of the family possessions. Lastly, the elders of the community are able to safeguard the principle of intermarriage amongst the different clans (Arranged marriages para. 6-7). The caste system in Indian determines whom one marries because one should not marry outside their caste. Thus, Indians accept arranged marriages because they do not want to take the chance of altering what was meant to be (Leeder 182).

The culture of arranged marriage started as a method of unifying and sustaining the upper caste families. Ultimately, the practice spilled over to the lower caste whereby it served the same purpose. Marriage in this rich culture was viewed as an alliance amongst two families rather than a merger of two persons.

Love in marriage

The primary objective of the marriage is to start a family. Although they may not love one another at first, a more elaborate understanding of the two will ultimately develop. People who get married this way say the love they feel grows over time , it is not necessarily romantic , but it is love (Leeder 178).This is because they have a common ground on religious, political, or cultural issues. Instead of worrying about whether they made the right decision, or whether love will last, married couples work to love each other and se their love grow (Leeder 182). For example, Rajiv Kumar married his wife Vandana on the day they met after plans for their marriage were made by their parents. They come from the same village even though Rajiv was living in the United States. Vandan relocated to the U.S, they bore twins, and they say there marriage is as good as that based on love (Heft). Conversely, this kind of marriage puts love at the back seat. Parents tell their children to decide with the head and not with the heart. The couples get into marriage with feeling love towards one another but expecting it to grow. Sometimes it never grows and they are stuck in loveless marriages for the rest of their lives. In addition, following ones head is deemed sensible than listening to ones heart. What the young people ideally call love and the choice of a person is many at times the infatuation experienced at the moment, which often lasts until the marriage has taken place, then is thrown to the dust bin. The culture of having more experienced people vet the potential couple and their background is a type of due diligence that should happen (Indian Wedding para. 15). Supporters also argue that marriages founded simply on romance are usually doomed to failure because the individuals may have unreasonable expectations of one another. Hence, the relationship lacks adequate room for making further improvements.

Compatibility

Arranged marriages reduce or eliminate incompatibilities between the potential marriage partners. This is because their parents make consult astrologers who determine the couples compatibility using their zodiac signs. Many considerations are made to ensure that the couples are a fit match because marriage is joining of two families, not just two individuals (Leeder 182). Due to the similarities of the couples, they are more likely to understand each other. This helps them to agree on decisions they make about how to bring up their children and other family decisions they may need to make. On the contrary, Arranged marriages can lead to cases of forced mismatch enacted by the relatives of the partners. This forced relationship based on the significant values to the matchmaker may not seem desirable to the partners and may lead to silent internal rumbles within the family. This is the major drawback of this type of marriage as it involves the coming together of two unknown people who have not understood and appreciated one anothers lives. Therefore, the probability of the partners not getting along smoothly is high. If any of the partners thinks in contradictory terms to what the other has strong belief in, existence of a mutual consent between the two would be a nightmare and they would live loveless lives founded on a mere compromise for both of them. Arranged marriage can only be successful on the grounds of acceptance, the man has to accept the woman and vice versa, regardless of the looks (Arranged Marriages para.4).

Parents experience in mate selection

Moreover, proponents reiterates that based on the vast experience of the parents to make a match, they are at a better position to be trusted in making the crucial decision to the best interests of the couple. In this context, parents are less likely to be swayed by the waves of emotions and hormones. In as much as there are occasions when matchmakers select a match that meets the interests of the family and fail to meet the couples interests, this is an allowable risk with potential lifetime benefits. This practice gives the parents the opportunity to be in command of the family matters and members of the family. Sometimes it helps to depend on another individuals experience and opinion when deciding for a match mate particularly when the potential partners are still young and are in need of thorough guidance and direction in starting their new lives. On the other hand, some cases of divorce have occurred. This may be due to incompatibility especially with modern young Indians. This shows that arranged marriages are not perfect because the couple may fail to grow in love as anticipated. For any marriage to work the couples, must learn to accommodate one another and learn to love each other. Some brides have found married life unbearable and tried to go back to their parents but had to go back to their husbands. Their parents tell them to adjust to the situation at their husbands home no matter how difficult.

Stability of marriage

Couples who go for arranged marriages have been established to be having a stable marriage than those in love marriages. In arranged marriages, the process of matchmaking is done in consideration of various factors of compatibility such as family reputation, wealth, religion, age, and psychological compatibility of the individuals. Proponents often relate this to the increasing divorce rate in love marriages. As an example, about 50% of United States marriages culminate in a divorce (Seth para.5) contrasted to the relative low divorce rate of India at 1.1 % (Divorce demography). This ascertains the relative stability enjoyed by couples of arranged marriages because an estimated 95% of marriages in India are arranged (Leeder 24). Arranged marriages are not necessarily forced and the couples have a choice to accept or reject one another. In case of rejection, the family looks for another mate and this helps to reduce the rate of divorce after the marriage takes place because both mates mutually agree to marry.

Individuals decision-making

Furthermore, the couples do no have a chance to decide whom to marry. This reduces their ability to make independent decisions. They do not take the responsibility of looking for a suitable mate and leave it to someone else yet this is a very crucial decision. The parents often doubt the couple logical decision-making capability in such a scenario (Litton). These people act as sound-minded introducers and the ones to give recommendations who are mainly driven by their best interests in total disregard to those of the couple. This makes arranged marriages to be viewed as a mere family dating service accompanied by a little pre-marriage counseling.

In the Indian society, the intra-family connections is much significant than the mere love relationship between the newly weds. This makes divorce difficult and most of the brides have met death at their husbands home. This is because they could not leave and go back to their parents who would eventually tell them to go back to their husbands. Some have died in murders that disguised as fire accidents. Their husbands kill them if they fail to fulfill their promise of paying hefty dowries. They subject the bride to harassment (Umar 152). The windowed husbands take on other brides and receive dowry payment. Therefore, individuals who see them as an opportunity to make financial gains abuse such arranged marriages. This is because arranging marriages for caste or economic reasons impairs societal growth. Love marriage has more influence in promoting build up of wealth and the growth of the community because it is based on mutual consent between the two parties. Arranged marriages have been an essential medium of taking of dowry. It has served over the years as a means of trade rather than a social routine. People have resorted to it as a simple means of making money.

Conclusion

The culture of arranged marriage has transformed considerably over time. Nowadays, most parents show more concern about the lives of their children and take their approval before making the final decision for the marriage. Over the time, society has realized that marriage can only be achieved when the parents and the older relatives avoid forcing their children to get married to someone they hardly love. Well arranged marriages takes place when the parents give assistance and advice to their kids to get spouses that corresponds to their desires and likings.

It is debated that love marriages comes with more independence and freedom as opposed to arranged marriages (Mijar para.6; Xu and King 719). Arranged marriages always come with pressure to dance to the tunes of the parental expectations like giving birth to a male heir, actively participating in the family rituals and traditions, staying with sisters-in-laws, catering for the expenses of the family and so on. All these complications stems from marriage of two people who does not know one another. To be on familiar terms with somebody before marriage permits the couple to accord a better respect and understanding for one another and care for their respective needs and desires. This way, they get adequate time to make the necessary adjustments before taking the final marriage vow. Successful marriage results only due to mutual consent and understanding from both parties. More importantly, a person should be allowed to marry whomever they want.

References

Divorce demography. NationMaster.com.2005. Web.

Flanigan, Santana. Arranged Marriages, Matchmakers, and Dowries in the India, 2000. Web.

Fox, Greer Litton. Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara Turkey. Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 37, No. 1 (1975): pp. 180-193. Print.

Indian Wedding. Iloveindia.com. 

Heft, Miguel. A Decent Proposal. Prism.com. Nov. 1995. Web.

Leeder, J Elaine. The family in global perspective: a gendered journey. Thousand Oaks, California: SAGE, 2004.

Mijar, Nayan. Arranged Vs Love Marriage. Boloji.com. 2002. Web.

Seth, Reva. What Arranged Marriage Can Teach Us. Your Tango. Tango Media Corporation. 2009. Web.

Umar, Mohd. Bride Burning in India: A Socio Legal Study. New Delhi: APH Publishing, 1998.

Xiaohe, Xu, and Whyte, Martin King. Love Matches and arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication. Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 52, No.3 (1990): pp. 709-722. Print.

Introduction

One of the most critical topics in family cultural anthropology is the analysis of creating a marriage and regulations that guide this process towards its key objective: establishing a committed partnership capable of reproduction and further socialization of children. Since the form of marriage is the primary and core element of a family structure, cross-cultural research into marital patterns is of vital importance. Traditionally, the two most common marital practices in human societies are polygamous and monogamous marriages. This paper aims to gather and compare the data on marital rules in countries around the world.

Marriage Rules in India

Arranged marriage is the first marital form that comes to mind when discussing India. However, being territorially and sociologically a diverse country, India comprises various ethnic groups with their traditions and rules. In terms of marriage specifics, the country can be divided into two regions  north and south. Like many other tribes in Southern India, the Toda tribe has a tradition of marrying into an already established kinship (Kazmi, Singh and Jaiswal, 2019). Besides, polyandry was widespread before, when one woman had several husbands. Other southern traditions included polygamy, practiced by wealthy men, and marriage by capture allowing to take another mans wife by paying compensation to the ex-husband (Kazmi, Singh and Jaiswal, 2019). Nowadays, most marriages in Indian South are monogamous, and polygamy and polyandry are not practiced.

One of the traditions, widely criticized by Western culture, consanguineous marriage, still has a place in India. One of the largest tribes located in the south of India, the Gonds, prefer close-family marriages, preferably between cousins (Kazmi, Singh and Jaiswal, 2019). Despite many predictions on the decrease of consanguineous marriages, recent research shows that intra-familial unions still remain popular in a substantial number of states, especially Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Telegana (Kumari, Bittles and Saxena 2019, 8). Between the years 2015 and 2016, the rate of consanguineous marriages among Indias Muslim population is at 17.6% in urban areas and 14.9% in rural areas (Kumari, Bittles, and Saxena 2019, 6). Such results are entirely unexpected as it shows that intra-familial marriages are more widespread in supposedly more progressive areas than in the remote villages.

Another marital tradition, still in place in different regions in India, is marrying young. The Bhils tribe practice marriages as early as 11 years old for girls and 14 for boys (Kazmi, Singh and Jaiswal, 2019). The Arbor tribe, apart from marrying young, allows children, once they reach adolescence, to move to dormitories (ghotuls) where they share life and love with one another for several blissful years, ultimately resulting in their marriage by their parents (Kazmi, Singh and Jaiswal 2019, 14). Arranged marriage and dowry system, most widely spread in Northern India, is determined by a long-standing historical tradition and the caste system. There is a perception that the institution of arranged marriage is in decline. However, a recent study shows that self-choice unions across India comprise less than 10 percent of the total amount in the 2000s (Allendorf and Pandian 2016). This trend indicates that even though the Indian marriage system is slowly shifting towards the western model, the change is minimal.

Marital Traditions in Africa

The African continent comprises numerous countries with different rules and traditions. Like in India, marital practices in Africa differ from region to region. However, one of the traditions that the two areas share is early marriages. The highest rate of child marriages in the world is observed, in particular, in Sub-Saharan Africa (Koski, Clark and Nandi 2017). Several studies have been conducted recently to estimate whether the marital age is decreasing across Africa. The results, as expected, differ from country to country. For example, marriage before 18 declined in Burkina Faso and Ghana by 10 and 17 percentage points, respectively (Koski, Clark and Nandi 2017, 25). More shocking results were received from the analysis conducted in Benin, Mali, and Madagascar, where the number of girls married before 15 increased significantly (Koski, Clark and Nandi 2017). Such an outcome resembles Indias marital model progression, where the change is happening but slowly.

Several African communities practice a tradition similar to that of the Indian dowry system, or payment for a future wife. Historically referred to as the bridewealth rule, a woman was transferred to a man in exchange for cattle (Kuper 2016). The tradition of kinship, or marrying blood relatives, was also present in Africa; however, it was distinctive from region to region. For example, the Nguni tribe rarely allowed intra-family marriages, whereas the Sotho-Tswanas preferred consanguineous unions (Kuper 2016). Polygyny, or marrying several spouses, has a long history in the African continent. In earlier years, such a tradition was based on various cultural beliefs. Unmarried women were often associated with evil; therefore, marriage prevented them from being accused of witchcraft (Mwambene 2017). It was also seen as a solution to decrease the number of divorces due to infertility or early menopause (Mwambene 2017). Even though there is a slow shift towards the decline of polygyny, many Africans, men and women alike, are involved in polygamous marriages. The governments often justify such a trend as an attempt to increase the population.

Marriage Traditions in Saudi Arabia

The creation of familial relations worldwide depends on local laws, religious, cultural, and historical interpretations. Even though unions between a man and a woman are the main form of marriage in Saudi Arabia, the age at which women are allowed to get married is different from the European standards. Several Muslim countries such as Oman and Tunisia have the same legal age of marriage as in most of the Western world  18 years old. Traditional Sharia law in Saudi Arabia does not set a minimum marrying age, but boys rarely enter the union before graduating and getting a job (Al-Hakami and McLaughlin 2016). The situation with women, or more precisely young girls, is entirely different and has become a heated topic of public discussion globally. It is legal to marry girls as soon as they reach puberty or even before that if the couples parents agree on it (Al-Hakami and McLaughlin 2016). Arranged marriage is a staple in the Saudi world, and consanguinity is still common.

When analyzing marital rules in Saudi Arabia, it is essential to understand the connection between the marriage itself and sexual relations. Sex before marriage is not allowed by Sharia law; therefore, one of the primary reasons for getting married young is the desire for sexual fulfillment (Al-Hakami and McLaughlin 2016, 5). Moreover, if it is normal in Western cultures for young people to communicate openly, such a notion is unheard of in the Muslim world. Potential husband and wife can meet each other just before getting married and only in the presence of a chaperone. Since there is no legal minimum age for sexual consent, quite often the concepts of marriage and child marriage become interchangeable (Al-Hakami and McLaughlin 2016). Recently, there have been attempts from various human rights organizations fighting to protect women and childrens rights to intervene and force the Saudi government to set the legal minimum marrying age. However, Sharia law does not look at the age of sexual consent as the primary indicator. What has more considerable significance is the illegal nature of sexual relations before marriage. Therefore, if the couple is married, such a union is legitimate and approved by Islamic rules and traditions irrespective of the age.

Marriage Rules in the US

While marriage traditions in the countries discussed above can be characterized as too restrictive in a particular sense, marriage in the USA is quite often referred to as too liberal. However, by analyzing the USAs marital laws, it is evident that at least such a notion as child marriage is still present, albeit it is not very common. Even though 18 is the age set on a federal level allowing individuals to get married, 25 states allow legal unions before 18 if parental or judicial approval is obtained (Syrett 2017). The Southern states, such as Alabama, Kentucky, and West Virginia, have a long history of minor marriages due to religious conservatives strong presence and higher poverty rates (Syrett 2017). Astonishingly, statutory rapists in some states may even avoid prosecution if an agreement of marriage is reached between the accused and the victim (Syrett 2017). Therefore, while many assume that child marriages are only the issue in the developing world, such practice exists in the USA. In as many as 25 states, children with no minimum age set may be married with their parents consent.

Perhaps, there is one type of marriage that distinguishes the US from Saudi Arabia, India, and African countries. In 2015 the US Supreme Court officially recognized a right to marriage for all couples, gay and straight (Soucek 2017, 1098). Same-sex marriages or even civil partnerships are not legally permitted in India or Saudi Arabia and most African countries. It does not mean that there is no homosexuality in these regions. However, the legal form of marriage union is only between people of the opposite sex. Gay and lesbian couples in the US may face moral judgment and resistance in such issues as adoption and acceptance, but their desire to marry is constitutionally approved.

Conclusion

Marriage is the most common form of union between people in countries around the globe. However, the structure, age limits, sex of future partners, family involvement are all subject to traditional laws and cultural and economic factors. Therefore, the conventional idea of marriage varies from country to country resulting in numerous debates over which type of relationship is socially and legally acceptable. Same-sex marriages are now considered legitimate in the US but are not approved in Muslim countries. Conversely, some forms of marriage, such as forced or consanguineous unions are legalized in Africa, India, and Saudi Arabia, but are actively judged by the Western world and the US.

References

Alendorf, Keera, and Roshan K. Pandian. 2016. The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India. Population and Development Review 42 (3): 435464. 

Al-Hakami, Husain, and Kenneth McLaughlin. 2016. Debatable Marriages: Marriage and Child Marriage in Saudi Arabia. Marriage and Family Review 52 (7): 654  664. 

Kazmi, Syed Sajid Husain, Garima Singh, and Soni Jaiswal. 2019. Mate Selection in Tribal India. A Sociological Perspective on Marriage, Family and Population Dynamic, Forthcoming. SSRN. 

Koski, Alissa, Shelley Clark, and Arijit Nandi. 2017. Has Child Marriage Declined in Sub-Saharan Africa? An Analysis of Trends in 31 Countries. Population and Development Review 43 (1): 729.

Kumari, Nutan, Alan H. Bittles, and Prem Saxena. 2019. Has the Long-Predicted Decline in Consanguineous Marriage in India Occurred? Journal of Biosocial Science, 110. 

Kuper, Adam. 2016. Traditions of Kinship, Marriage and Bridewealth in Southern Africa. Anthropology Southern Africa 39 (4): 267280. 

Mwambene, Lea. 2017. What is the Future of Polygyny (Polygamy) in Africa? PER / PELJ 20 (1): 133. Web.

Soucek, Brian. 2017. Marriage, Morality, and Federalism: The USA and Europe compared. International Journal of Constitutional Law 15 (4): 1098  1118. Web.

Syrett, Nicholas. 2017. Child Marriage is Still Legal in the US. The Conversation, Web.

Marriage is an important part of an individuals life and a solid social institution. It is deeply rooted in most peoples understanding that at some point in their life, they should get married; in the case of the conservative part of the population, married to someone of different sex and the same social status, however, as societies, especially the Western society, change, the understanding of marriage changes. The views are becoming more liberal than they were before.

In the nearest feature, the tendency for homogamous marriage will likely remain. Seccombe (2017) notices that despite the general liberation of the view on courtship and marriage, people behave in relatively traditional ways (p. 164). It is especially evident in dating patterns, where women still generally buy, does not eat much, and discuss the date with friends, while men pay for the date and escort the woman home (Seccombe, 2017). In her research on homogamy in US marriages, Carlson (2021) discovers that in more than 50% of marriages, partners have the same level of education; in 80-90%, they are of the same race or ethnicity, and in more than 60% they are of the same age. However, examples of heterogamous marriages are seen more and more often. The obvious example is the British royal family, namely the marriage of Megan Markle and Prince Harry. While the royal family did not support marriage, society, in general, did. Social class had become less important than it was a hundred years ago, for example, when the marriage of a prince to a commoner was simply unspeakable. Nevertheless, it is safe to suppose that the tendency of homogamous marriage will last for some time.

Social standards and institutions, especially regarding love and marriage, are fundamental for any society. However quick a social change might be, people are likely to keep to tradition for a long time before finally accepting changes. However, there is no reason to deny that societies in different parts of the world have changed significantly in the last century. It has become more liberal and accepting of same-sex marriages and marriages between people of different ethnicities or with a significant age gap.

References

Seccombe, K. (2017). Exploring marriages and families. Pearson.

Carlson, L. (2021). Homogamy in US Marriages, 2019. Family Profiles, FP-21, 6.

Introduction

Remarriage is when individuals get married for a second or subsequent time. When a marriage does not work, couples often end up divorcing, and some of them end up remarrying. Remarriage, however, rigs up adjustment questions, especially when two existing families are combined.

This paper aims to describe remarriage under the following subheadings:

• types of remarried couples;
• remarriage demographics;
• quality of remarriage;
• unresolved issues;
• childrens adjustment;
• challenges in remarriage;
• myths of remarriage.

Categories of Remarried Couples

The hostile-detached couples are unhappy and often end up divorcing (Viscuso, 2018). The validating couples mostly interact in a relaxed, calm way though they become emotional at times. Volatile couples are mostly emotional over any familial issue (Viscuso, 2018). The conflict avoiders barely raise issues and concentrate on discussing agreements when they have a major disagreement. The hostile detached couples always fight with no winner.

The hostile couples are mostly unhappy, while the validating, volatile, and Conflict-Avoiding couples are happy, but none of these are likely to divorce.

Demographics of Remarriage

From 1950 to 2017, the rate of remarriage decreased in both men and women. The rate of remarriage was 90.9 in 1950, but in 2017, it was 38.8 per 1000 married men (Schweizer, 2019). The decrease in the rate of remarriage is directly proportional to the rising age of marriage. The womens age of remarriage has increased from 34 years in 1950 to 43 years in 2017 (Schweizer, 2019). The mens remarriage median age has risen from 40 years in 1950 to 46 years in 2017.

Continuation

The first-marriage nuclear family members comprise the biological parents and their respective adopted or blood-related dependent children. The new household will be incomplete as it stands in the remarriage case since the other biological parent lives outside it and must be included within the overall system (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020).

As a result, the extension of the boundary will lead to some family members feeling excluded.

Myths of Remarriage

The version of this second remarriage myth can take several forms.

The forms may include:

• Always put your marriage first,
• Always put yourself first,
• Always consider yourself and your children first,
• Always put the other person first,
• Always consider everybody first.

These myths may force one to act differently leading to miscommunication between partners thereby leading to quarrels (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020). Individuals that had limited financial resources as single parents may feel deprived.

Concentrate on the positive and keep criticism to oneself

This myth originates in the desperate feeling that the first marriages success is necessary. Some remarried couples believe that they might still be married if they abided by this myth (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020). Since prodding and poking might uncover a fatal flaw, the marriage remains static and frozen.

Focusing on what went wrong in the past

This myth advocates denial and pseudo-mutuality instead of honest communication. Instead of building a healthy, unique, and new relationship, it reconstructs the old one to get it to work. A corollary myth encourages families to focus on the future and condemns the past (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020). Subsequently, the open communication needed to sustain a healthy relationship is restricted.

Whatever Is Mine Belongs To Me and Whatever Is Yours Is Yours

At no point is ours acknowledged, which is a cornerstone of family life.

Qualities of Remarriage

Even though some studies find no differences between remarried and first-married couples, other studies show lower quality relationships in remarried couples compared to the first marriages (Jelvani et al., 2018).

Marital relationships are poorer when both spouses are stepparents compared to families containing only one spouses children. Emotional attachment to a previous spouse is also associated with lower marital satisfaction (Jelvani et al., 2018).

Remarried couples are more willing to discuss their marital problems than first-married ones.

Unresolved Issues From First Marriage

Boiling Over

If individuals opt to ignore the issues bothering them and push them aside, one person might leave the relationship instead of talking them over.

This will have negative consequences since a person with unsolved issues will be caught unaware and their partner might leave them (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020).

Individual risks have far more pronounced issues if they are not resolved in time, causing more damage than expected.

External Blame

People often blame others for the way they feel due to these unsolved issues. For instance, if one feels unhappy because a former partner cheated on them in the past, the cheated person could blame this unhappiness on other various factors (Jelvani et al., 2018). They may continue to attribute their disillusionment to simple current problems, whereas, in reality, it stems from the past major issue that remains unsolved.

Adjustment of Children

Children are the most vulnerable after a divorce or a remarriage. Their parents tend to overestimate their childrens emotional resilience and adaptation. Divorce or remarriage can cause emotional suffering, including:

• demandingness,
• resentment,
• anxiety,
• depression,
• anger,
• anxiety,
• depression,
• non-compliance (Thorsen & Sawyer, 2020).

The impact of marital transitions on children is most evident in the academic, social attainment, externalizing behavior, and social responsibility domains.

Conclusion

After divorce, some couples end up remarrying for a second or subsequent period. It has become a culture as many marriages may have one or both partners remarried.

References

Jelvani, R., Etemadi, O., Jazayeri, R., & Fatehizade, M. (2018). Difficulties in Emotion Regulation among Iranian Remarried Women: The role of mindfulness, thoughtaction fusion, and emotion regulation. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(2), 89-103. Web.

Schweizer, V. (2019). The Retreat from Remarriage, 1950-2017. Web.

Thorsen, M., & Sawyer, E. (2020). Divorce and remarriage. The Encyclopedia Of Child And Adolescent Development, 1-10. Web.

Viscuso, P. (2018). Oikonomia: Divorce and remarriage in the Eastern Orthodox tradition by Kevin Schembri. Journal Of Orthodox Christian Studies, 1(1), 116-118. Web.

Zahl-Olsen, R., Thuen, F., & Espehaug, B. (2019). Divorce and remarriage in Norway: A prospective cohort study between 1981 and 2013. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(8), 600-611. Web.

Nowadays, things that were rare and unheard of have become the new norm. Cohabitation among couples has become popular in the past fifty years, and young couples are normalizing it. Most couples decide to live together to test their compatibility, which will help prevent future unsuccessful marriages. Surprisingly, the divorce rate has increased in the past decades, showing that cohabiting is a mistake. The author explains how cohabitation can cause many problems and create unhappiness in relationships (Jay, 2012). Moreover, men are more likely to view cohabitation as postponing commitments or testing whether the relationship will work. Such is an example of gender asymmetry, which is usually related to minimal levels of commitment even after the couples are married.

Sliding, not deciding, is considered the easiest way of living with a partner before agreeing to get married. The perspective behind this notion is that living together is much more affordable considering todays economy. According to Jay (2012), sliding into cohabitation would not be a big issue if coming out of it was that easy. Unfortunately, most couples assume that entering into cohabitation would be an excellent way to lower their cost of living, only to find themselves stuck and unable to get out of the relationship. Cohabitation has complicated setups that involve switching costs, which can sometimes be economical and fun. However, this setup is much more costly than many couples perceive due to the adverse effects created by the agreement. Marrying a partner is much more productive than sliding into living together. Some cohabitation setups work, but it is good to create awareness of the adverse effects that are a result of cohabitation.

Reference

Jay, M. (2012). The downside of cohabiting before marriage. New York Times. Web.