Category: Love

Introduction

‘The Notebook’ by Nicholas Sparks is a poignant love story that captures the hearts of readers around the world. This literary critique will delve into the themes, narrative techniques, and character development within the novel. By analyzing the novel’s portrayal of love, memory, and the passage of time, we can gain a deeper understanding of the emotional impact and enduring appeal of ‘The Notebook.’

Themes of Love and Romance

At its core, ‘The Notebook’ explores the enduring power of love. The novel presents a passionate and heartfelt romance between the two main characters, Noah and Allie. Sparks intricately weaves their love story, illustrating the intensity, joy, and challenges that come with a deep connection. Through their relationship, the author explores the complexities of love, including sacrifice, forgiveness, and commitment. ‘The Notebook’ reminds us that true love can withstand the test of time and conquer all obstacles.

The Importance of Memory

Memory serves as a central theme in ‘The Notebook,’ as it plays a vital role in both the narrative structure and character development. The novel is framed as an elderly man, Noah, recounting his love story to his wife, Allie, who is suffering from dementia. Through Noah’s storytelling, the power of memory is celebrated and cherished. The narrative technique of shifting between the past and present allows readers to witness the depth of their love and the impact of memory on their relationship. Sparks skillfully captures the bittersweet nature of memory, highlighting its ability to both bring joy and evoke longing.

Character Development

Sparks crafts multidimensional characters in ‘The Notebook’ to evoke emotional resonance in readers. Noah Calhoun is portrayed as a passionate and determined man who is willing to fight for his love. His unwavering devotion to Allie, even in the face of her memory loss, showcases his resilience and commitment. Allie Nelson, on the other hand, is depicted as a conflicted character torn between duty and following her heart’s desires. Through their experiences, the characters evolve and grow, learning valuable lessons about love, forgiveness, and the importance of embracing the present moment.

Narrative Structure

The narrative structure employed in ‘The Notebook’ contributes to the emotional impact of the story. The alternating timelines, from the present-day nursing home setting to the past love affair, create a sense of anticipation and nostalgia. The juxtaposition of Noah’s passionate youth with the challenges faced by the elderly couple adds depth and complexity to the narrative. The seamless transitions between past and present enhance the novel’s exploration of love, memory, and the passage of time.

Symbolism and Imagery

Sparks skillfully employs symbolism and vivid imagery throughout ‘The Notebook’ to evoke powerful emotions. The recurring motif of the notebook itself symbolizes the enduring love between Noah and Allie, as well as the preservation of memories. The idyllic setting of the North Carolina coast serves as a backdrop for their love story, representing a place of solace and serenity. The author’s rich descriptions paint a vivid picture of the surroundings, immersing readers in the world of the characters and intensifying the emotional connections.

Conclusion

‘The Notebook’ is a timeless love story that captivates readers with its exploration of love, memory, and the passage of time. Nicholas Sparks’ narrative technique, compelling characters, and evocative imagery contribute to the novel’s enduring popularity. Through its themes of love and romance, the importance of memory, and the power of enduring connections, ‘The Notebook’ reminds us of the transformative and transcendent nature of love. It is a literary work that resonates with readers, leaving a lasting impression of the profound impact love can have on our lives.

Love is the only language that everybody understands irrespective of your tribe, race, color, religion, and personality. Love is a feeling that must be felt, and love is not silent for it requires action. When we show love to others it means we have love inside of us to give because as the popular saying goes you can only give what you have. You must love yourself to be able to love another. Love is one of the major ingredients that is needed to make the world a better place. Imagine if we all see each other as one in the world today, I think a lot of evil doings will have to stop.

How can I kill someone if I love him/her?

And how can I knowingly hurt someone if I truly love him/her?

How can I treat others like trash if I truly care about their feelings?

And how do I bully others if I love them?

How do I gossip/slander my friends if I truly love them?

And how can I cheat on my partner/spouse if I genuinely love them?

How can I scam someone for his/her hard-earned money if I am more concerned about his feeling?

These are questions going on in my mind. I want to understand why we find it very difficult to genuinely love one another. I know only love can turn a bad person into a good person, and only love can bring that change we so desire in an individual. When we show love to everyone around us, it becomes easier to relate with them. Corrections, when done out of love, will definitely produce the best results.

One of the amazing things about love is the fact that love is unconditional. There is no ‘but’ or preference when it comes to loving/showing love to someone because it comes from the innermost of the hearts. God loves all people, He does not discriminate against who you are whether you are a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, or whatever you choose to be. He does not love only a selected few, but He has shown love to all the inhabitants of the earth, and that is why we must also do the same. We are expected to love regardless of size, shape, physique, appearance, and background. The truth about love is when you show love to someone especially those you have never met, it has a way of getting back to you. The more you love others the more people will love you in return. Love is all about having positive energy that will bring forth good tidings, for instance, a first-time bomber who has never known love all his life was on the verge of bombing a mall then suddenly, all the persons he met on his way were friendly, loving, and kind. Do you think he might not have a rethink? This is what love can do. It changes even the worst human being into a better person because he/she has seen something to live for.

We go around complaining about how cruel the world has become, but we have never cared for those around us, those who do not have a family, and are all alone in the world. I think if we all want to help and put an end to all the evil happening in the world today at least to an extent, we must learn to love each other with nothing attached to it. We should be compelled to love others because we love ourselves. We must be able to accept others for who they are by showing them how much we care about them and in return, they will want to reciprocate what was shown to them. Let’s try to love beyond religion, race, size, shape, and personality rather let’s try to love everyone as we all love ourselves. There is nothing we cannot overcome with love.

There comes a time in every person’s life when they think that they are too cool for their parents, usually during their teenage years. At the bright, young age of 13, this is exactly what I thought. I went through this stage in my life with the most carefree attitude. I thought I was an independent. I spent most of my time with my friends, not thinking about my family. I was on top of the world until I wasn’t.

On March 12, 2017, Sunday, I was out with my friends. We were having a great time. I remember my best friend was making a joke about a dog when my phone rang. I answered it and my world came crashing down. My aunt called me to say that my mom was rushed to the hospital and was now on life support. Time stopped. I could not think or feel anything. I was picked up by my family and when we got to the hospital, all I remember was seeing a flat line. I cried for what felt like hours until the doctors asked me if I wanted them to continue resuscitating her. I don’t remember what I told them. All I could think about was how I didn’t say “I love you” to her that morning, or even last night, not even in the last few days. That is my biggest failure.

As a child, we do not have a lot of things we have to do for our parents. They’re the ones who do all the work to give us the best life we can possibly have. My mom was a superhero, She wasn’t just my mother, she was also my dad. She loved me so much. Our parents love us so much and they tell us every day. The least we can do, as children, is to tell them we love them. Sometimes, we don’t even do that.

After my mom died, this was the only thing I could think about not saying I love you. I was overridden with guilt. I kept thinking that I failed her because she died without knowing that I loved her. So I kept saying it, all the time. There were times that I would randomly say, “I love you, Mommy.” To this day, I still do.

Thinking about it now, I know why I didn’t say I love you frequently. I thought it made me uncool. I thought it was embarrassing to say it, to say what I felt. Come to think of it, most people are like that, and not just when it comes to our parents but in most of our relationships too. We almost never express our feelings because we are too scared. Scared of embarrassment, rejection, and regret. Maybe scared to take a risk or a leap of faith. We are so scared, we don’t say we love you. We don’t say the things we really want to. And because we’re afraid, we say too little, we do not say enough, or sometimes, we say nothing at all.

Life is short, so incredibly short. It passes you by, and you will not notice it. Now, I make sure to say I love you multiple times a day, to my family, to my friends, and to people who mean a lot to me. Some think I say it too much that it has lost its meaning, but as long as I’m sincere, I know that isn’t true. I live my life one day at a time. One I love you after the other. I’ve realized that in the next moment, you may not have the chance to say it anymore. So I tell people I love them. I’ll compliment someone’s shirt or their shoes. I’ll tell someone they look nice today. I don’t want to regret not doing something ever again. What I have learned is to say what I feel to the people I feel it for. I am not scared of saying I love you anymore, I am scared of saying too little. Oftentimes, I still wish to turn back time hoping that I could tell my mom I loved her before she died. I don’t think I will ever get over it or move on, but I have learned from it. There are times to hold back and hide, and there are times to let go and express. Saying I love you is not a time to hold back.

We’ve all heard of love, we have it in our lives in some type of shape or form. At some point in our lives, someone probably said “I love you”, but what does that mean? How can we explain what love is? Are there more types of love than we know about? Hendrick & Hendrick, (2017), answer these questions in The Oxford Handbook of Psychology touching on subjects such as “linking and loving” and “passionate and compassionate love”. They move on to explain theories such as attachment, triangular, self-expansion, and love styles. I will be expanding on these topics later in the paper, however, before talking about anything, we must see where love comes from and how it has changed over decades (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Ancient Concepts of Love and Modern Love MarriageHendrick & Hendrick, (2017), mention in their study that some people have questioned if love even existed before the last few centuries. If whether romantic love or passionate love was alive. In the Middle Ages, love was perceived as different than what it is perceived now. Courtly love was possible only for the nobility and not everyday people, which idealized the love between a woman and a man, who had little contact with each other and were not generally married. This love involved a stylized ritual and was associated with arranged marriages. This led slowly, to ‘love marriages’ and this link between love and marriage is still changing (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Modern BeginningsIn the 1960s, the beginnings of love were diverse, with a study starting then. Romantic love or at the least passion was ‘suspected’ by writers to have roots in evolutionary heritage. The next section looks at the evolution of love, attachment, loving and liking, and passionate and compassionate love (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Evolution of Love. The beginning of love was hypothesized to be an emotional bond between breeding partners. This bond would push the two partners to attend to their helpless children or infants. Now, if this emotional bond didn’t exist, the pairs lost the evolutionary race and had higher infant mortality. Themes regarding this subject have been further developed by evolutionary psychologists (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Attachment.Attachment initially was conceptualized as consisting of secure attachment, anxious/ambivalent attachment, and avoidant attachment. These types of attachment were observed in infants forming different types of relationships with their adult caregivers and are believed to be related to subsequent relationships (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Loving and Liking. Work was done previously on liking, where liking was used as a starting point for developing a liking scale and a parallel love scale. It was found that for couples who were highly romantic, their love could be predicted later in their relationship based on their level of love at the start of the relationship. This finding helped later research done on passionate love, to predict romantic partners staying together (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Passionate and Compassionate Love. The affection felt by two people who share their lives deeply is how companionate love is viewed. Passionate love, on the other hand, is viewed as a state of total absorption between two partners. This is characterized by mood swings, from a feeling of ecstasy to an opposite of anguish. This suggests that a relationship starts with the heat of passion cooling down with companionship (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Recent Love Theories and Their MeasurementPrototypes of Love. As mentioned before, there are different types of love ranging from maternal/paternal love and friendship to passionate and sexual love. A study was done to find what is the most typical love and the results showed that parental love and friendship scored higher than passionate and sexual love. The research was done in the hopes of finding a general concept of love. Companionship was found to be that general concept as it can be found in romantic love as well, which is a passion that goes along with companionate love (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Self-Expansion.Self-expansion, as stated in the title is all about the self. A rapid expansion of the self happens when people fall in love. It incorporates physical possessions, power, and influence. Hendrick & Hendrick, (2017), found that as self-expansion grows, so does the love. Once the love grows, as it is associated with self-expansion, the self-expansion grows too, and so on (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Love Triangles. A triangle refers to three things, commitment, passion, and intimacy. The relationship between the three can lead to eight types of love. The love can be measured using a scale designed specifically for this, which was used to explore other topics. The topics include the relationship between the three components mentioned before with attachment. This view also presents love as a personal ‘story’ that we create for ourselves by living it (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).

Adult Attachment. Linked to positive and negative emotions, attachment is still important in the love area. The attachment styles talked about previously were extended into four types. The four types are secure, fearful, dismissing, and preoccupied. It is also important to note that attachment may change, and it all depends on different things such as current relationship partners, recent relationships, etc. (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).Love Styles. The love styles can be divided into passionate love or “Eros”, commitment/”game of love” that can be referred to as “Ludus”, friendship or “Storge”, practical love or “Pragma’, manic love or ‘mania’ as the name insinuates and last but not least a love that is concerned with the partner’s welfare called ‘agape’. These types of love can be divided into subscales and measures (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). A sampling of Research on LoveLove can be communicated in different ways. It has been found that love communicated through positive illusions can influence positive outcomes in a relationship. By doing this, and handling conflict constructively, relationship satisfaction was predicted (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).

The six styles mentioned above have been used to explore the many aspects of love. It was found that some gender differences occur in most studies regarding love styles, however, the styles that have been found to resonate more with women were not related to the satisfaction of the relationship. At the start of the paper, I mentioned that through the research that Hendrick & Hendrick, (2017), have done, passionate love was a predictor of the satisfaction of a relationship. The gender differences can be found here as well (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).

Positive emotions have been found between love and sex, as sexual desires are fundamental to romantic love. Different themes have risen from a study done on love and sexuality where love was found to be the most significant thing coming before sex. Respect has also been associated with positive behavioral influences (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Emerging Research and Theory on LoveA major theme was found about love and how it can be studied, and that is the physical aspect of the ‘body in love’. This theme talks about the physical changes love can have on someone and how it can be measured. The things that can be observed when the ‘body is in love’ are a flushed face, smiling, extreme happiness, high energy, and facial expression due to the happiness. Love is considered to be a very important factor in positive psychology as it is a positive force in mental health, however, negative effects can be observed as well such as ‘too much’ intense romance. This can be observed in the love style called ‘mania’, thus love is a very important aspect of positive psychology, having to consider this by therapists (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). Future Directions The research done on love will lead to more cross-cultural/racial work. The paper looks at love from the perspective of a heterosexual view on love, however, GLBT communities are becoming more visible and gaining acceptance on the matters that I have talked about so far. So, broadening the views on this topic also means extending the knowledge of these communities as well. Overall, love is important in a human connection, a physical and mental well-being connection. It should be studied as a central concept linking it to other positive psychology concepts (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). A Link to the TextbookTo links the chapter called ‘Love’ from The Handbook of Positive Psychology to the course textbook I chose to look at chapter two ‘Understanding Emotions’. In this chapter, the key psychological and social aspects of emotions are considered concerning positive emotions. Love is part of Fredrickson’s top ten positive emotions; however, it emerges as unique and comprises all other nine emotions. The nine emotions that love comprises are joy, serenity, interest, hope, pride, gratitude, inspiration, amusement, and awe (Boniwell & Tunariu, (2019). It is considered the most experienced and powerful human emotion. In the chapter from The Handbook of Positive Psychology, we saw how powerful love can be and how it is associated with positive emotions, from satisfaction to happiness. To see the changes in someone that is in love we can look at the physical changes one has such as in the case of the “body in love”. When the “body is in love” we can see changes such as a flushed face, smiling, extreme happiness, high energy, and facial expression due to happiness (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). The chapter ‘Love’ also states that love is the most powerful emotion linking it to the coursebook chapter where love emerges as the most powerful human emotion (Boniwell & Tunariu, (2019). This links the coursebook to the chapter of The Handbook of Positive Psychology. A New ExperienceAs a new experience, to understand what love is and to measure the impact it has on someone’s life I decided to use an exercise called “Exciting Activities for Couples” from the website Greater Good in Action. The exercise promotes a sense of self-expansion, a term mentioned at the start of this paper where I explained that if self-expansion increases so does the love, and if the love increases so does the self-expansion (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017). The exercise also helps the couple “take on new experiences, discover new strengths, and confront new challenges” (Exciting Activities for Couples (Greater Good in Action), n.d.). Positive emotions from the new experiences are associated with the person, which in turn makes the relationship itself more exhilarating and fun, but also gives a greater feeling of connection, which is what love is about (Exciting Activities for Couples (Greater Good in Action), n.d.).

The time suggested for the exercise is 90 minutes per week for four weeks, however, people should adapt it to their schedule and what works best for them. It starts with compiling a list of 10 exciting activities such as dancing, horse riding, playing sports, etc. to be adventurous, spontaneous, playful, romantic intimate, and role play. All these subjects are important for a relationship, so once the couple has the 10 new ideas comprising of these subjects they must draw up a plan to make time for the activities they found. The couple should do at least one activity every week as generating excitement takes a bit of time (Exciting Activities for Couples (Greater Good in Action), n.d.).

To measure compassionate love, a quiz from the same website specifically for this will be taken before and after the four weeks. The quiz was developed by researchers Susan Sprecher and Beverley Fehr. The quiz lets you learn about the benefits of compassionate love, as well as letting you find resources for bringing more compassion into the relationship (Exciting Activities for Couples (Greater Good in Action), n.d.). After the quiz is taken the second time, the results can show improvement or not in compassionate love letting me measure the changes between the relationship the couple had before the exercise and their relationship after. A Creative Supplement For my creative supplement, I decided to use a poem I wrote two years ago after falling in love with my current partner/girlfriend. The poem, in my opinion, relates well with my subject as it is about love, and what love taught me in just a few months of dating her. I was struggling before meeting her and I was going through some tough things and meeting her was what saved me. The love I felt back then is the same love I feel for her now, which I believe is translated into this poem. To put it in better words, by allowing myself to fall in love with her, and relating it to the chapter I allowed myself to expand letting me feel so many positive emotions. My self-expansion was greater than before, and with every day my self-expansion grew, my love for her grew even more. To conclude, falling in love helped me in more ways than I can explain, from bringing more positive emotions into my life to being more social, and more connected to people to grow as a person. Love changed my life, and no matter how long it’s been since I wrote the poem, it still feels just as alive as it felt writing it two years ago.

In conclusion, in my opinion, love is an emotion that can be found with almost every other emotion, with different styles, different cultures, and genders. Love can be a powerful thing, taking over one’s being positively or negatively, is correlated with positive psychology. It has its roots in history becoming a more important aspect of psychology (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2017).

When someone is in love, it is natural to behave out of the ordinary. More importantly, many factors lead them to think about things they usually wouldn’t do if they weren’t in love. A great example of this plays out in Shakespeare’s play, ‘Romeo and Juliet’. Initially, Romeo was depressed after getting rejected by another girl, but his perspective of love changed for the first time upon meeting Juliet. However, their relationship wasn’t supposed to happen because they were from rival families. Meanwhile, the movie ‘Shrek’ exhibits this concept as well. After he rescues Princess Fiona, Shrek falls in love with her even though she was supposed to marry Lord Farquaad (the man who ordered Shrek to rescue Princess Fiona). Both stories portray how love can change someone’s thinking and cause them to follow the path that their heart makes.

In the movie, Shrek realized he had to accept Lord Farquaad’s demand to save the princess in order to save his home; he proceeded to team up with Donkey to go on the expedition they were assigned to by Lord Farquaad. They entered the Dragon’s base and attempted to locate Princess Fiona. They fought valiantly against the beast and used cunning tactics to trick it. At first, Princess Fiona was thankful for being saved, but Shrek later admitted he was an ogre. Her feelings towards Shrek changed after his confession due to her expectations of a knight in armor rescuing her-certainly a damsel in distress. The two had an icy relationship throughout the day she was saved, and as the night crept in, Fiona requested to be alone in a cave near their base. The second night, Princess Fiona demanded to be alone again, and that’s when the Donkey discovered that Princess Fiona was cursed by a witch and became an ogre every night. The Princess confided her secret to Donkey and warned him not to tell Shrek. Unknown to them, Shrek had been eavesdropping on their conversation and had heard their entire exchange; he proceeded to gather the wrong meaning from it, under the impression that she thought he was the ugly beast she had described. Feelings hurt, he decided against professing his love to the princess. This movie scene implicitly shows how love overtook his thoughts, along with actions, and made him only think about Princess Fiona, despite often swearing off any positive emotions in the movie. After this revelation, Shrek started to use his heart and his brain to make decisions that eventually helped him rather than with only his heart.

Looking upon Romeo and Juliet, we can see they have an interesting backstory to their relationship. They are from rival families who have a torrid relationship. What is rather peculiar about this was that typically Juliet wouldn’t marry someone from the Montague family- in fact, not allowed to. It is important to note that Juliet was an obedient girl who did not break any rules and was respectful to her peers for most of the book. Upon meeting Romeo at a ball hosted by her family, Juliet’s character changed. She began to follow her heart, which resulted in the formerly obedient girl abandoning the previously lived by rules. In Act 3, Scene 5, she declares: “I pray you, tell my lord and father, madam, I will not marry yet. And when I do, I swear. It shall be Romeo, whom you know I hate, rather than Paris”. She reacted this way because this was the first time, she was in love with someone; she knew that her happiness wasn’t with Paris. She took things to the next level by faking her death-for she was blinded by love – as to run away with Romeo. Unfortunately for her, it did not work due to a tragically late misunderstanding. On the other hand, Romeo became weaker in his personality after his affection for Juliet. It is noticed that he became quite emotional when making any and then all of his decisions. In Act 3, Scene 1, Romeo claims: “O sweet Juliet, thy beauty hath made me effeminate. And in my temper soften’d valor’s steel!” This indicates that Juliet’s beauty has made him weak and his being weak led to his cousin Mercutio’s death. He was a coward because he felt hurt by Tybalt’s insults and did not fight him and let Tybalt kill Mercutio.

Last but not least, both ‘Shrek’ and ‘Romeo and Juliet’ show signs of love affecting their thinking and cause them to make decisions that they usually wouldn’t have done. When Shrek fell in love, all of his decisions were not of his character. He appeared to be tough and confident on the outside, but he was reclusive and full of insecurities on the inside. With Princess Fiona, he made decisions that weren’t tied to his personality. He was more outgoing as a person and took more risks when talking to other people. Comparatively, Romeo used to always be down whenever a girl didn’t love him back and always seemed to be lost. One quote that explains this well is, “Tut, I have lost myself. I am not here. This is not Romeo. He’s some other where”. He said this right after Rosaline (the first girl that Romeo asked out) rejected him. He felt lost and not himself and became depressed. As soon as Juliet came into his life, he changed completely. He was not sad but rather joyful now. Although the message is similar in both ‘Shrek’ and ‘Romeo and Juliet’, they were not all successful. Romeo and Juliet, unfortunately, died because they were deeply in love that they did not understand the dangers they were facing. In contrast, Shrek went on to marry Princess Fiona and live a happy life forever. Nonetheless, they both had flawed thinking and could’ve been better if they had been more mature and thought through all of their decisions.

In both of these stories, they show a common connection of where love changes how they think and how they behave. This can be connected back to reality, where people act on their heart’s desires instead of thinking logically. All in all, following one’s heart, can be good in some instances. However, one must look over their decisions wisely and logically predict the outcomes. Next time you think about love, try thinking back to this analysis and wonder if you’re acting based on your heart alone and how you could improve your future decisions.

Most people fail their exams even before they are set for a certain exam. This is because most people do not have confidence in themselves. You should try as much as possible to believe in yourself because this is the most vital thing. You should avoid discussing the subject matter a few minutes before the exam and also after the exam. This may discourage you and also make you nervous or even more confused. Building trust in yourself could help boost your self-esteem as well as your decision-making skills. A good student believes in their abilities and powers as an individual. Take a look at these tips that could help you to build trust in yourself:

Be yourself; a good student is not afraid to express himself or herself in class or any other learning environment. Trying to be someone or something you are not, could play a big part in your failing as a student. Ask questions in class, no matter how dumb they sound, and do not let other people’s opinions define who you are as a person. Being yourself will help you to learn and produce good grades in the end. Set goals that are realistic; a good student is intelligent to set objectives that they are sure they can achieve. Often, most people aim too high for targets they may not achieve and end up being discouraged once they realize that they may not get to their targets. For instance, if you are scoring Cs in your exams, set a reasonable target like attempting to score Bs in your next exam rather than going for the as that may seem a challenge to you. Working on yourself takes time, and setting realistic goals will get you to the very top. Instead of setting unrealistic goals, set many small goals that are easily achievable and which will lead to that big goal you are dreaming about.

Be kind to yourself; being kind to yourself simply means loving yourself first before loving anything else. A good student will fall in love with himself or herself before falling in love with studies or Math or Chemistry. Loving yourself means getting rid of evil and negative thoughts, which in turn creates a conducive atmosphere for you to study. Once you learn to love yourself, it is easier to trust yourself as well as your abilities and build confidence in yourself which will help you to achieve academic excellence. Build your strengths; it is actually a normal thing to excel in one thing and be a total failure at another. This is because no human being is perfect at everything ad that includes you. However, a good student will focus their attention on the issues that they are sure they can handle and handle well. For instance, if you are good at Biology and poor at Physical Education, you should focus your energy and time on perfecting Biology rather than being hard on yourself and forcing yourself to tackle Physical Education. Good student will spend their time on things that build their character rather than stuff that demoralizes them. Be decisive; a good student will not doubt himself or herself and will not question their doings.

Questioning oneself and doubting oneself could be very hurtful and hard. A good student has faith in himself or herself and their abilities. Be decisive and stick to your decisions, no matter the outcome. Even if it turns out that the decision you made was wrong, learn from it and make better judgments tomorrow. All that you need to do is focus on your study and trust in your knowledge. By having confidence in yourself, you will avoid malpractice during examinations. If by any chance, you don’t know the answer to a given question, you shouldn’t attempt to cheat so as to prove a point.

The construct of love is a find-out about which has acquired sizable attention and discussion. Love used is defined with the aid of Plato as an emotion that exists in a hierarchical form, whereas Socrates argued that love is a combination of many factors (Levy and Davis, 1988). Those individuals who are in love have a mutual appreciation and mutual honor toward the current relationship. Love fashion, on the other hand, refers to how people outline the approach they have toward love. Hendrick and Hendrick (1986) defined love attitudes as ‘attitudes that people have on love direct their behavior and experiences towards the individual they love.’

Love characterizes intimate relationships no matter the truth that the meaning and how humans ride it, may also range across cultures and humans. Men and women do show special love beliefs, those who discover their loves differ from their past may additionally have an impact on their relationship.

One of the primary love theories in romantic relationship research used to be once conceptualized with the useful resource of Lee 1973 who at the being proposed the colors of love theory also known as love styles Lee claimed that men and female have awesome techniques or attitudes towards love and therefore love is a multi-dimensional notion consisting of six extraordinary types of love.

Primary love styles

The first love style is Eros, an extraordinarily emotional ride that is comparable to passionate love.

Ludus is the second love style. The ludic lover considers love as a recreation to be played, regularly with a number of partners at equal time and he or she believes that lies and deception are acceptable

The third love style is Storge. Storge refers to a relationship developed slowly from friendship. storge which is primarily based definitely on companionship, faith, and respect. The stoic lover has a strong dedication toward the relationship and considers the partner as a historic pal who has related attitudes and values therefore the stoic lover does not ride effective thoughts to the romantic partner (Lee, 1973).

Secondary Love styles

The fourth love style, Pragma, is characterized as having a practical view of love which entails a mindful consideration of the demographic points of the potential partner.

Another love style is Mania. This extraordinarily jealous and obsessive-dependent strategy to like is identified by using splendid emotional depth and an attempt to pressure love and commitment from the partner

Agape love or altruistic love may be a combination of erotic and Storgic love (Lee, 1988). This type of love desires attention from the loved ones barring having non-public interests. This love is viewed as extreme and full of friendship and will increase the love with the want for mutual helping (altruism). Agape which represents a selfless and all-giving love fashion is the closing color of affection. People who propose an atopic style tend to possess pleasant and long-lasting relationships. Agape is characterized by altruism and entails a duty to like and seem after the partner within the absence of any expectation of reciprocity

It is important to be conscious that Lee does not know longer sees love styles as traits; it is entirely possible that the same person can additionally have one relationship that is the higher attribute of one style and any other extra attribute of an absolutely one-of-a-kind style. It is even possible that the same relationship might also additionally change over time.

There have been a number of theories of love emerging To study close relationships in recent decades. A few research found that there are consistent differences between males and females in their love styles.

Several instruments have been developed to measure love. One psychological measurement which has been widely used to be developed from the Typology Love Theory namely the Love Attitude Scale (LAS; Hendrick et al., 1998).

Hence, this project has been majorly revolving around the topic of ‘Love Attitudes’ ( friendship love- STORGE; altruistic love-AGAPE ) among male and female young adults.

Marriage is about economics. This statement may seem utterly shocking in the context of the twenty-first century and its idealistic emphasis on true love within a marriage, but a middle- or upper-class woman in England at the turn of the nineteenth century understood the institution of marriage in such pragmatic terms. The inferior status of women and their inability to acquire professional opportunities at the time cemented their financial dependence on their fathers and, subsequently, their husbands. Marriage essentially provided a means of income and, therefore, assumed a vocational nature; it likened itself to a type of career for women, which emphasized the need for a financially stable marriage. In ‘Pride and Prejudice’, Austen illustrates the different motivations of love and money in her portrayal of several marriages. The stable marriage of Charlotte Lucas and William Collins juxtaposes the unstable marriage of Lydia Bennet and George Wickham and shows that in the society depicted by ‘Pride and Prejudice’ the economic stability that marriage offers to women prevails over the importance of love between the spouses. Put simply, decisions about marriage should be based on money, not love.

A marriage in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ that completely surprises many of the characters in the novel is that of Charlotte and Mr. Collins. Elizabeth, who has already rejected Mr. Collins’ proposal to her due to her lack of love for him, cannot fathom Charlotte’s reasoning for wanting to marry a man so disagreeable and ridiculous. Despite Elizabeth’s initial disapprobation of the relationship, however, Charlotte’s marriage appears to be not only the most prudential but also the most realistic. Throughout the novel, Austen’s narrator characterizes Charlotte favorably as a sensible and intelligent young woman. She, for example, warns Elizabeth early on that Jane should not conceal her affection for Bingley, for he “may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on” (15). While Elizabeth simply dismisses Charlotte’s advice and contends that a rushed marriage is unstable, Charlotte’s warning ultimately proves to be correct. Jane’s misery, after all, can be partially attributed to Darcy’s misguided belief that she feels indifferent towards Bingley. Charlotte’s astuteness and thoughtfulness, thus, establish the narrator’s admiration for her.

Her later actions regarding Mr. Collins further highlight her sensibility and rationality. Austen’s use of free indirect discourse in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ reveals Charlotte’s inner monologue and reasons for her acceptance of Mr. Collins’ marriage proposal: “Without thinking highly either of men or matrimony, marriage had always been [Charlotte’s] object; it was the only honorable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want. This preservative she had now obtained; and … she felt all the good luck of it” (94). Charlotte understands the reality of her situation; as a twenty-seven-year-old woman with little money and no prospects, she recognizes that she is deeply entrenched in a flawed social system and that the only solution to her predicament is marriage. Marriage, after all, will not only provide her with wealth and an enhanced social status but also allow her to no longer be a burden on her family. She further explains her consent to Mr. Collins’s marriage proposal in her conversation with Elizabeth: “I am not romantic you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home; and considering Mr. Collins’s character, connections, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with his is as fair, as most people can boast on entering the marriage state” (96). Although Charlotte does not feel love for Mr. Collins, she realizes that marriage to him is the surest path to felicity. If she rejects Mr. Collins, she will likely fall in social status to that of a poor, lonely spinster. After Elizabeth visits Charlotte and Mr. Collins at Hunsford Parsonage, furthermore, she finds the married couple to be content. She admits to Darcy, “My friend has an excellent understanding – though I am not certain that I consider her marrying Mr. Collins as the wisest thing she ever did. She seems perfectly happy, however, and in a prudential light, it is certainly a very good match for her” (137). Charlotte’s marriage, pragmatically conducted based on money, thus demonstrates that true felicity arises when a couple is financially sound. Although Mr. Collins’ personality may not facilitate her happiness, Charlotte can still choose to be happy with the stable economic and social position she achieves through marriage.

The option that Charlotte has for happiness is denied to Lydia due to the latter’s rash entrance into a marriage without consideration of money and solely based on love, though her love more closely resembles an infatuation. Lydia naively believes that she loves Mr. Wickham and decides to elope with him even though, as Mrs. Gardiner says regarding Mr. Wickham earlier in the novel, “the want of fortune [makes the relationship] so very imprudent” (111). Mr. Wickham, on the other hand, realizes the financial carelessness of marriage with Lydia and does not intend on marrying her until Darcy provides him with sufficient compensation to do so. The resulting marriage, however, is still unstable and provides neither Lydia nor Mr. Wickham with felicity. As Austen’s narrator describes at the end of the novel, “Their manner of living, even when the restoration of peace dismissed them to a home, was unsettled in the extreme. They were always moving from place to place in quest of a cheap situation, and always spending more than they ought” (296). The couple not only is unable to enjoy domestic life but also becomes dependent on Elizabeth and, by extension, Darcy for financial help. Therefore, Lydia fails to fulfill her responsibility towards her family to marry a wealthy man and no longer be an economic burden. Without a sufficient income during their marriage, the relationship is bound to be unsuccessful; no matter how true their love is, the inability to afford an easy life inevitably leads to complications within the marriage itself. Lydia, however, is not even fortunate enough to have the guarantee of Mr. Wickham’s unconditional love. After their marriage, Mr. Wickham’s affection for Lydia “soon [sinks] into indifference” (296). This change in sentiment emphasizes the fleeting and fickle nature of love; it is just as easy to fall out of love, as it is to fall in love. Love, therefore, simply cannot be depended on as a solid foundation for marriage.

These marriages demonstrate that in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ one should marry for money, not for love. Financial security leads to the success of Charlotte and Mr. Collins’ marriage despite the absence of love, while financial insecurity causes troubles in Lydia and Mr. Wickham’s marriage despite the initial presence of love. The social and economic webs that characterize the turn of the nineteenth century in England entrenched women in a system of dependence that stripped them of their agency. Especially for middle- and upper-class women, then, financial stability was the foundation for a happy life, one that often forced them to deny their own emotional fulfillment. Though women’s status and role in society have seen dramatic improvements over three centuries, the entanglement of love and money is still a recurring theme in the lives of many.

I. Introduction

For years, queries about Love have been a part of man’s life and humans have shown great effort to fill in the gaps of knowledge about love. It required the wisdom of the ancient Philosophers and even the minds of the modern ones. As mentioned by Manuel Dy in his Phenomenology of Love, the philosophy of man is incomplete without the philosophy of man as loving. And so various definitions of such word have subsisted from the seven words of ancient Greeks–Storge, Philia, Eros, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, and Philautia up to the more complex explanations, however, none of these have convinced everyone to be concrete enough to stand as the official portrait of love.

Growing up, I have always been in love with the idea of being in love. As a little girl, I liked watching those typical romantic films where there would be weddings, dinner dates, and happy moments.

According to IJBRP’s Romantic Love, ‘The feelings have been captured by poetry, fiction, music, and art, but love behaviors have rarely been researched.’ In fact, I can admit that I have ventured into the idea of being in love too soon. But I let my curiosity get to me, hence I have always searched for love.

And having experienced it for myself now, changed my perspective about love. In this paper, I want to talk about what love is not, rather than what love is. In the movies, they have always shown how love looks like, yet not how love looks like behind the cameras. In books, they have always shown how love felt magical, yet not how love doesn’t on several days. In songs and poems, the lyrics have always sung about how love is like this, or love is like that, but never about what love is not.

‘When two people are first together, their hearts are on fire and their passion is very great. After a while, the fire cools and that’s how it stays. They continue to love each other, but in a different way — warm and dependable.’ According to Nisa: The Life and Words of a Kung Woman.

II. Body

II. A. Context of the Study

One of the best feelings in the world is “love”. It is a complex thing, powerful but hard to define. For me, the meaning of real love is- ‘being selfless’. True love doesn’t want anything in return, because there is nothing it needs. We just love for the sake of love. When we love someone, we don’t look for them to fill our needs, love us back, and all those types of things. Love is a choice to be completely selfless.

When we love selflessly, we don’t worry about the outcome of it or whether we’re giving more than the other person. Instead, the act of loving feels good and it’s obvious that whatever comes back to us is the right amount.

Love is completely selfless; for if you truly love someone, his/her happiness would be your first priority — ‘what you want is never important but what the other person needs and wants is always supreme’. Your fulfillment doesn’t come from receiving love; the feeling of happiness and completion we have always wanted comes from loving others. When we love someone without wanting or expecting anything in return, we feel free, open, and wonderful.

Mainly, understanding the word love has become subjective and thus differs from person to person. Love is really an ineffable thing that one could not understand at once. It takes a whole lot of experiences for it to come to the gaze of one’s enlightenment. Seems like feeling love is way easier than knowing it.

According to ‘Plato’s Theory of Love by Lydia Amir:

‘This beauty is absolute beauty. It culminates the mysteries of love as it also reveals the nature of the universe: ‘This beauty is, first of all, eternal; it neither comes into being nor passes away, neither waxes nor wanes; next, it is not beautiful in part and ugly in part, nor beautiful at one time and ugly at another, not beautiful in this relation and ugly in that, nor beautiful here and ugly there, as varying according to its beholders; nor again will this beauty appear to him like the beauty of a thought or a science, or like beauty which has its seat in something other than itself, be it a living thing or the earth or the sky or anything else whatever; he will see it as absolute, existing alone with itself, unique, eternal, and other beautiful things as partaking of it, yet in such a manner that while they come into being and pass away, it neither undergoes any increase or diminution nor suffers any change.’’

My personal take on what the Philosophy in Love truly is is this: ‘To Love is a Choice, not a Feeling.’ Again, having experienced and witnessed love for myself, I have gained a lot of perspective on how love actually looks like and how it actually feels.

And no, Love is not perfect. Rather, Love is both the Good and the Bad. Just like Life, it requires the Bad in order to look forward to the Good. Love is beautiful, yet also terrible. Love is peaceful, yet also disastrous. Love is brilliant, yet also obscure.

To support my claim — if Love is terrible, if Love is disastrous, if Love is obscure why do people still love? If Love seems like the most hideous thing amongst everything, why is it then considered as the most powerful tool in the whole existence of everything? I have come up with a generalization that this is because To Love is a Choice, not a Feeling.

Because despite the Bad, there is the Good to look forward to. Despite Love causing pain, Love can still cause comfort. Despite Love causing sorrow, Love can still cause joy. This is because even when Love is imperfect, people love because people look forward to the Good that Love possesses. And if people loved only because they felt it, they would only feel hurt, rejected, heartbroken, and miserable. If people loved only because they felt it, then ‘love’ would seem too much of a misnomer for ‘loving’.

If people loved only because they felt it, that would mean people loved only because of the Good times. People would have loved only because their significant other sent them flowers on Valentine’s Day, or because they bought them the most expensive ring or brought them to a thousand-dollar worth of date.

Humankind is naturally imperfect. And like Love, it is imperfect. Humankind makes mistakes, yet it is capable of being the most beautiful thing ever to exist. Now, we can rephrase that: Love makes mistakes, yet it is capable of being the most beautiful thing to exist.

Now, why do people still love despite the Bad of it? It is because the people who love make it their decision to. To love is an everyday choice that one has to make, but far different from an obligation, people choose to love out of their own will, without expecting anything in return — that is true love.

To love is an everyday choice that one has to make; when things are not as sweet as usual, when things are not as magical as usual, and when things are not as ‘loving’ as they usually feel like. To love is an everyday choice one makes; fixing things even when things are hard, making an effort despite one’s pride, and loving despite any conditions.

II. B. History of the Phenomenon

Lee (1973) offers a theory of love styles or types of lovers derived from an analysis of writings about love through the centuries. He offered one type of lover that would completely satisfy the selflessness of love. ‘Agape’ is an altruistic, selfless love. These partners give of themselves without expecting anything in return. Such a lover places the partner’s happiness above their own and is self-sacrificing to benefit the partner.

In this case, selfless love means putting the needs, desires, and sometimes, the wants of the person you love ahead of your own— whether it hurts, is painful, or you get nothing out of it for yourself. However, loving someone selflessly means that you make decisions based not on what you want, but on what is best for the one you love.

As I wander new paths and open new chapters of my life, my idea of love has become more fluid. Way back I thought of love as simply finding the ideal partner for you. A significant other that possesses your dreamed traits and characteristics, but this was contrasted by my experience of unexpectedly falling in love with someone who was very opposite from my ideal partner thereupon thinking that love is accepting the flaws of each other rather than forcing them to be one whom you wanted them to be.

Here we debunk the dominance of one and keep the equality of both. Just like what Dy has written, ‘If love is not to become domination, it must be balanced by a certain respect, respect for the uniqueness and otherness of the other. ‘Respect not in the sense of being weak and self-forgetting but the feeling of admiring your better half for his real nature. In the beginning was in the midst of doubt –Why him? and as I was gobbled by the uncertainty. I unconsciously dictated him to acquire my own disposition which consequently resorted to conflict. Representing respect for one another will probably sustain the felicity and peace between the heart of the two.

This has led me to the idea that the origin of being in love may have been rooted in the search for happiness. But love should not be equated with happiness for according to Dr. Paul Dolan’s ‘Will Love Make You Happy?’ Love is a lot more than a feeling. By reviewing what love has meant to people throughout history and across cultures, researchers offer a definition of love containing four key components:

1. The beloved. To love someone, there must be someone to love.
2. The feelings that accompany love. These can be sexy feelings—or not.
3. The thoughts that accompany love. You think about the beloved. Being with them, how they are, and so on.
4. The actions or relations one has with the beloved. Again, these can be sexy actions—or not.

Although these components of love differ in how they are manifest across time and place, they have all been present in some form when people describe love. (Dolan 2015 Psychology Today)

My parent’s 18 years of marriage have undergone a lot of challenges. When I was 6 years old, I still remember them fighting because my father cheated on my mother. I had already started to question Love then. I had doubts if Love really looked like how it did in the movies. Or how it did in photos. Or how it did in songs. Because as young as 6 years old, I doubted Love.

Recently, my father had cheated on my mother again. I do not want to go into further details, but I can say that I hated seeing my mother being so heartbroken. Yet all she did was love. Again, I doubted Love. Love did not look as magical as the movies have shown. Nor as beautiful in books. Nor as amazing as in songs.

Now that I have matured enough, I realize that it was Love, but I just did not see this form of Love. As my claim suggests, Love is not perfect. Rather, Love is both the Good and the Bad. Just like Life, it requires the Bad in order to look forward to the Good. Love is beautiful, yet also terrible. Love is peaceful, yet also disastrous. Love is brilliant, yet also obscure.

I asked my mother why she was still with my father despite how terrible, how disastrous, how obscure Love had been to her. She said, ‘Mahal ko eh. 17 years ko siyang nakasama, in-imagine ko pa nga na tatanda kaming magkasama. Love na love ko si papa mo.’ Then I realized it. Love is a Choice, not a feeling. People do not stay only because of how good it feels, but also because of how bad it goes sometimes.

As a personal experience, I had been in several relationships, but my last one had torn me apart the most (which I won’t go into much detail about). He was my first real love among all the others I have been with. I knew because he made it so hard for me to continue loving him. He made me feel unappreciated, led me on, and had other girls behind my back that I did not know about. Yet despite this, I chose to love him. Despite my doubts telling me that our relationship was toxic, I loved it.

I chose to love him, despite anything anyone had ever said. Despite any doubts that I had. I loved it because it was my decision to. That’s when I knew that I really did Love him. Because even if he made me feel unloved, it didn’t matter. I loved him. I gave Love, and that was my only intention. I did not even look forward to receiving it back. I loved it because I chose to.

III. C. Commonality of the Study

When we selflessly love people, we accept their flaws and shortcomings more readily. Selfless love accepts that ups and downs are a part of the journey and that the downs are better off when love is there, anyway.

These circumstances between two parties happen evidently in today’s society. The fact that love is way more complex than we feel makes this phenomenon more frequent.

According to the Agape Love Counseling Module, ‘Love arises from the concept of unconditional Love’, According to Psych Central, ‘Staying in Love takes a Commitment.’ According to HuffPost, ‘real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.’

All of these support my claim that Love is a Choice, not a Feeling. Several other studies have been conducted to reveal what love truly is. Not all people have the same idea as I do, but I have had enough experiences to prove my claim true but not enough to generalize it. Besides, not all people go through the same difficulties as others. Their idea of love may differ from mine.

But in most cases, I do think that Love is a Choice; a commitment. And that nobody stays just because it ‘feels good’.

IV. Conclusion

It is really in nature to seek for what is real in the midst of all the contradicting claims. Just what we did in search of the true essence of love. Hence, my phenomenology focuses on love as a thing founded on respect and the search for happiness. As I have mentioned above any interpretation of love no matter how complex a viewpoint what matters is that it is related to one’s life.

In reiteration, To Love is a Choice, not a Feeling. Despite Love having Bad qualities, it does not make it impossible for it to be beautiful. Rather, it is our choice to make it as beautiful as we want to.

As Frederick Douglass: “Our destiny is largely in our hands.” Hence, it is what we make it to be. Love is beautiful, and it is my choice, my perspective to make it that way. I will leave the readers with Plato’s words: “Love is a desire for the perpetual possession of the good.” (Plato, 1951)

May it be known that even if Love causes several things that are Bad, we as humans, ultimately still seek for it because we are always drawn to what is Good.

Bibliography

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Most people fail their exams even before they are set for a certain exam. This is because most people do not have confidence in themselves. You should try as much as possible to believe in yourself because this is the most vital thing. You should avoid discussing the subject matter a few minutes before the exam and also after the exam. This may discourage you and also make you nervous or even more confused. Building trust in yourself could help boost your self-esteem as well as your decision-making skills. A good student believes in their abilities and powers as an individual. Take a look at these tips that could help you to build trust in yourself:

Be yourself; a good student is not afraid to express himself or herself in class or any other learning environment. Trying to be someone or something you are not, could play a big part in your failing as a student. Ask questions in class, no matter how dumb they sound, and do not let other people’s opinions define who you are as a person. Being yourself will help you to learn and produce good grades in the end. Set goals that are realistic; a good student is intelligent to set objectives that they are sure they can achieve. Often, most people aim too high for targets they may not achieve and end up being discouraged once they realize that they may not get to their targets. For instance, if you are scoring Cs in your exams, set a reasonable target like attempting to score Bs in your next exam rather than going for the as that may seem a challenge to you. Working on yourself takes time, and setting realistic goals will get you to the very top. Instead of setting unrealistic goals, set many small goals that are easily achievable and which will lead to that big goal you are dreaming about.

Be kind to yourself; being kind to yourself simply means loving yourself first before loving anything else. A good student will fall in love with himself or herself before falling in love with studies or Math or Chemistry. Loving yourself means getting rid of evil and negative thoughts, which in turn creates a conducive atmosphere for you to study. Once you learn to love yourself, it is easier to trust yourself as well as your abilities and build confidence in yourself which will help you to achieve academic excellence. Build your strengths; it is actually a normal thing to excel in one thing and be a total failure at another. This is because no human being is perfect at everything ad that includes you. However, a good student will focus their attention on the issues that they are sure they can handle and handle well. For instance, if you are good at Biology and poor at Physical Education, you should focus your energy and time on perfecting Biology rather than being hard on yourself and forcing yourself to tackle Physical Education. Good student will spend their time on things that build their character rather than stuff that demoralizes them. Be decisive; a good student will not doubt himself or herself and will not question their doings.

Questioning oneself and doubting oneself could be very hurtful and hard. A good student has faith in himself or herself and their abilities. Be decisive and stick to your decisions, no matter the outcome. Even if it turns out that the decision you made was wrong, learn from it and make better judgments tomorrow. All that you need to do is focus on your study and trust in your knowledge. By having confidence in yourself, you will avoid malpractice during examinations. If by any chance, you don’t know the answer to a given question, you shouldn’t attempt to cheat so as to prove a point.