Category: Lost

Within British society today youth is generally defined biologically, by both puberty and age however the natural stages from childhood through to adulthood are open to questioning; leading the definition of youth to be progressively less clear. It has been said that ‘conceptions of the youth phase are historically and culturally specific’ (Cieslik and Simpson, 2013:3). The difficulty of insinuating a concise definition of both ‘youth’ and ‘generation’ could however, directly mirror why the current modern-day generation is considered ‘lost’. Highlighted within this essay are various concepts regarding the subject matter, such as: generations and what they are, the intersection and transition from youth to adulthood, youth unemployment rates, the impact of social change, and youth and deviance as a social construction. It will conclude that young people are now facing more problems than ever regarding their boundaries and subsequent transition from childhood to adulthood – due to a broad range of social, political and psychological issues that exist within contemporary British society. Posing the question: Are the youth of today ‘running up a down escalator’? (Ainley and Allen, 2010).

Historically youth has been an increasingly difficult concept to define Gillis, 1974 (cited in: Cieslik and Simpson, 2013:3) states ‘historical studies show that the category of youth as we understand it today is a relatively recent phenomenon dating from the 18th century’. This suggests that the construction of youth may have been triggered by the apparent upward rise of modernity within Western societies. Gillis 1974 (cited in: Cieslik and Simpson, 2013 goes onto assert that before the 18th century, childhood as a conceptual notion was seen to intertwine into an earlier form of adulthood. Children were seen to participate in waged occupations from a much earlier age, whilst also taking on more significant domestic duties within the family. This suggests that prior to the apparent shift towards modernity, the lines were somewhat blurred regarding youth’s conceptual definition. Following on from this, many sociologists see youth as a social construction and argue that ‘Youth is, perhaps, better described as a phase in the life course between childhood and adulthood’ (Alcock et al, 2016:426). Here, Alcock et al, (2016) suggests that youth is a vulnerable life stage where an intersection between dependent childhood and independent adulthood takes place and that this inevitable shift towards independency, may in fact, also trigger a transitional period of potential disorder. This uncertainty of status demarcated by the term ‘inbetweeners’, directly links to contemporary British youth and hence highlights the ambiguity that exists between the dependence of childhood and autonomy of adulthood (Cieslik and Simpson, 2013).

Furthermore, it could be argued that recent social change has also had a significant impact upon young people’s transitions. The ‘youth phase’ now being extended from the ‘teenage years of fourteen and fifteen’ into the ‘early twenties’ (Brynner 2005). This extended period of youth has occurred due to large amounts of young people spending more time in various forms of education, therefore delaying commencing employment and starting a family (Cieslik and Simpson, 2013). A number of sociologists assert that these delays are a driver of the current high rates of youth unemployment within British society. Unemployment is seen to be one of the major factors that contributes towards the perception of there being a ‘lost generation’. The Office for National Statistics (2018) has shown this in one of its most recent reports, which states that only 11.3% of 16-24-year olds are currently employed. Although this percentage of the youth population are in fact employed, the Office for National Statistics (2018) suggests the work is generally low skilled, low paid and on a zero-hour contract basis; thus, highlighting the difficulty that occurs regarding the transition from education to work for young people. This research supports the notion that British contemporary youth are a ‘lost generation’, as it demonstrates that they are responsible, yet reliant in a financial sense upon their families or in fact the welfare state itself. Henceforth, illustrating that the youth of today are struggling to find a sense identity within contemporary British society, which has consequently led to further social exclusion and marginalisation.

Following on from this, recent generational analysis stresses the idea of a “boomerang generation” which involves young people returning to live with their parents (Stone et al 2014; West et al 2017). It is suggested by Koslow and Booth, (2012) that young people who are faced with unemployment, are then forced to return home due to the substantial inflation of modern housing prices. This theory again, reinforces the idea that contemporary British ‘youth’ are hugely reliant upon internal family structures and the state, therefore suggesting they are ‘lost’ somewhere in between the transition from the dependency of childhood to the independency of adulthood. This issue could be seen to be further compounded as it appears that these social and political factors affecting unemployment and housing prices, are somewhat out of young people’s control.

Furthermore, the term ‘generation’ is commonly defined by scholars such as Mannheim, as ‘a way of understanding differences between age groups and a means of locating individuals and groups within historical time’ (Mannheim, 1928, cited in: Pilcher, 1993:481). However, other sociologists such as (Glenn, 1977, cited in: Pilcher 1993) dispute this definition of generation, and argue that it raises significant terminological issues. Glenn (1977, cited in: Pilcher 1993:483) argues that the ‘synonymous use of ‘generation’ for ‘cohort’ should be avoided’, suggesting that alternative terminology, such as ‘cohort’ may in fact provide higher rates of accuracy when attempting to define such an intrinsic sociological concept. Within previous societies, demographic generations have frequently had labels assigned to them. For example, the generation that followed WW2, were labelled as the ‘baby boomers’ due to the sharp increase in birth rates following the war. ‘Generation X’, which directly involved those born after the ‘baby boomers’, and the ‘digital generation’ whose birth took place during a time of widespread technological advancement (Pritchard and Whiting (2014). Mannheim (1928) makes sense of these labels using the concept of ‘generational location’. This concept proposes that individual’s experiences and the social context in which they are situated, seem to have a ‘tendency pointing towards certain definite modes of behaviour, feeling and thought’ (Mannheim, 1928:291). This suggests that those who are born during the same demographic cohort can in fact share very similar developmental viewpoints, which in turn intertwine into a more ‘natural’ view of the world. This adopted viewpoint usually remains with the individual for the remainder of their lives, and somewhat dictates the way which their later experiences are construed. On the other hand, older cohorts are much less likely to alter their intrinsic values and beliefs that have informed their existence (Scott, 2000). This is due to their shared formative experiences or social context, e.g. a period of conflict and subsequent experience of social solidarity. However, within contemporary British society no such formative experiences are so greatly shared by the masses, due to a lack of revolutionary social change. Therefore, this infers that young people may in fact be somewhat of a ‘lost generation’ due to the apparent absence of a collective consciousness, combined with the sharp rise in complexity and uncertainty within contemporary society.

Another significant aspect when considering contemporary British youth as a ‘lost generation’, is that of deviance, and youth as a problem. Social interactionists would argue that issues such as youth and deviance, only become problems through a process of social construction. However, social policy can play a significant role in defining social problems and in helping demarcate whether young people have problems or whether young people are in fact the problem itself. According to Muncie, (1999) official crime statistics at this time reported that crime and disorder involving young people was “out of control” and that youth were seen to be a cause of the generational conflict that exists within society. The notion that British youth are a ‘problem’ is repeatedly suggested in media and literature (Wyn and White, 1997, cited in: Muncie, 1999). Moreover, MORI (2004), analysed a range of tabloid, broadsheet and local papers that carried out a combined sum of “603 ‘youth’ related articles”. They found that “three in four articles (71%) concerning young people have a negative tone” and “a third of articles discuss young people in the context of violent crime or antisocial behaviour (32%)”. This was again demonstrated on review of the media coverage of the riots in UK in 2011 with the continued use of the terms such as ‘feral youth’ and ‘menaced youth’ (Nijjar 2015). This suggests that the dominant representations of British youth within contemporary society are often negatively depicted by the media, and that this may heavily contribute towards youth being labelled as ‘deviant’

In previous societies, deviance has been identified as a potential consequence of labelling- which in part has been well illustrated by Merton (1948) in his concept of the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. Furthermore, this links to Cohen’s theory of “moral panics” (1972) found in ‘Folk Devils and Moral Panics: The Creation of the Mods and Rockers’. Cohen argues that “media reportage” played a largely substantial role in the construction of panic in the 1960’s, by somewhat magnifying the apparent deviance (or deviant behaviours) of British youths. Additionally, “their deviance was amplified through social reaction which in turn produced a deviancy amplification spiral”, therefore, highlighting the application of Merton’s previously mentioned concept of the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ as ‘the Mods and Rockers’ then ‘took on aspects of their new publicly defined personas’ (Cohen, 1973, cited in: Muncie, 1999). Moreover, Cohen (1972) identifies that certain social groups, usually consisting of youths, were identified as ‘scapegoats’ or ‘folk devils’ in order to appease public anxiety and anomie within society. These groups “became the visual symbols of what was wrong with society” (Cohen, 1973, cited in: Muncie, 1999), thus suggesting and reinforcing the idea that youth are seen as a problem, rather than having problems themselves.

Likewise, in contemporary society, there are parallels to be drawn between the young people of today and those involved in Cohen’s theory during the 1960’s. In modern day Britain, young people are generally seen as irresponsible, disrespectful and frequently engaging in street violence and unsafe sex. Media reportage amplifies this moral panic within society with headlines such as ‘One in four adolescents is a criminal’ (Daily Mail Online, 2018) and ‘British youths are ‘the most unpleasant and violent in the world’…’ (Daily Mail Online, 2011). Consequently, this then triggers a ‘deviancy amplification spiral’ and the subsequent process of the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ is initiated. In addition to this, contemporary demographic cohorts such as the ‘millennials’, for example, are identified as ‘scapegoats’ and are blamed by both the media and society, for endless public anxieties and societal issues. This therefore, emphasises the usefulness and application of Cohen’s theory in contemporary British society and suggests that the youth of today, much like in the 1960’s, have been marginalised from mainstream British culture. However, unlike the ‘Mods and Rockers’, young people today have no immediate subculture to identify with, henceforth leading to further social exclusion and the indication that they may in fact be a ‘lost generation’.

To conclude, many sociologists such as Grenier argue that the ‘life course’ “a concept that has become fundamental to the study of continuity, change and transition’ (Grenier, 2012:185) recognises the existence of the social, psychological and biological stages that exist in between childhood and adulthood. This suggests that young people are not homogenous and that there is no universal experience of youth. Therefore, inferring that youth by its very definition may in fact be somewhat ethnocentric. However, it is also argued that young people are now potentially becoming members of a new social or ‘lost’ generation. Standing (2011), argues that young people are now members of a dangerous new class called the ‘precariat’ defined by financial instability, therefore suggesting that neo-liberalist ideology has in fact polarised the youth of today into their own class of insecurity. Whilst the definitions of both ‘youth’ and ‘generation’ are difficult to insinuate, young people from Britain are now seen to be facing more problems than ever- and are consequently may respond to these problems with ‘binge drinking’, drug misuse and risky sexual behaviour (MacArthur et al 2012). But, unlike previous demographic cohorts, today’s youth have no immediate subculture to identify with, in order to overcome the “moral panic” (Cohen, 1972) that surrounds them. In addition to this, young people are also faced with high unemployment rates and inflated housing prices, making their increasingly difficult transition towards adulthood, an even more precarious one. The toxic combination of these negative social, psychological and political issues has led to the conclusion that British contemporary youth are a ‘lost generation’ at this moment in time. However, contemporary British youth may not be completely ‘lost’, perhaps it is merely undergoing an extended period of change and transition, due to the effects of globalisation.

The novel The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro examines the different facets of dignity. The protagonist, a butler named Stevens, adamantly seeks to become a great and dignified butler, a task that he believes only the most imperturbable can achieve. As he examines his life while on a motoring trip, the self-deception and disillusionment fostered by this concocted ideal become clear. Through Stevens’ interactions with his own personal affects, including his name, his room and his clothing, Ishiguro warns that excessive propriety and restraint lead to the deterioration of one’s identity, and deprive one of human warmth, and affection.

Ishiguro manipulates the utilization of names in order to illustrate how Stevens’ vocation and ideals wholly consume his selfhood. Since the novel takes place in preWorld War II England, a defined hierarchy is an integral part of society and names are direct reflections of one’s status. As a butler, serving the most prominent figures of England, Stevens is constantly required to adhere to the proper usage of titles, ingraining in him a correlation between names and dignity. In addition, his daily use of titles reinforces that he is a subordinate to lords and gentlemen. Due to Stevens’ complete immersion into the hierarchical environment of England, he is unable to detach his identity from his occupation. His ingrained association of names with honor is reflected when he confronts Miss Kenton, the housekeeper of Darlington Hall, for not addressing his father as Mr. Stevens Senior: “Miss Kenton, it is clear from your tone you simply have not observed my father. If you had done so, the inappropriateness of someone of your age and standing addressing him as ‘William’ should have been self-evident to you’” (54). Though technically Ms. Kenton does have a higher position in the house as the head housekeeper than Stevens’ father —the under-butler— does, Stevens objects to the traditional usage of firstnames in this instance. Through the inclusion of this argument, Ishiguro reveals Stevens’ creation of his own hierarchy based on his conclusions of honor and dignity. He concludes that his father’s ability to suppress his emotions and opinions even in the most distressing situations allows him to “manifest dignity in keeping with his position” (42). This ability then, according to Stevens, offsets the standard hierarchy of a household.

In addition, Ishiguro demonstrates how Stevens prefers surnames because their usage indicates that the person being referred to is dignified. This preference is further portrayed in that this novel is a first person narrative and Stevens is only ever addressed by his last name. The lack of usage of Stevens’ first name reveals that Stevens never displays any informality. As his name literally condenses due to his concocted beliefs of an honor system, his identity diminishes. By withholding his first name, Ishiguro creates an immediate distance between Stevens and those he encounters. Not only does the concealment of his first name sets him apart in his distinctions and status, it also emotionally disconnect others from Stevens.

Moreover, Ishiguro uses Stevens’ lack of variety in his clothing to demonstrate how he constantly upholds a sense of propriety, an act that ultimately deters him from expressing a wide range of human emotions and thus creating any meaningful relationships. As he describes his father’s accomplishments, Stevens compares the qualities of a butler to how one should wear a suit:The great butlers are great by virtues of their ability to inhabit their professional role and inhabit it to the utmost; they will not be shaken out by external events, however surprising, alarming or vexing. They wear their professionalism as a decent gentleman will wear his suit: he will not let ruffians or circumstance tear it off him in the public gaze…It is, as I say, a matter of ‘dignity’. (42-43)He correlates the suppression of emotion as a prerequisite to being a “great butler.” In order to maintain his self-described dignity, he must remain stoic and tempered at all times, which hinders his self-expression. He distinctly separates Stevens the individual from Stevens the butler when makes an analogy of inhabiting this “professional role” to always wearing a suit. The wearing of a suit, a physical and conscious act, initiates this process of “inhabiting his professional role.”

Furthermore, this analogy, combined with the fact that his closet only consists of professional attire and no “suitable travelling clothes,” suggests that he is always in the role of the butler, constantly trying to maintain his ideals of dignity (10-11). It also shows that he only exists within the capacity of his job. He has given up all existence outside of his work; his lack of casual clothing portrays that he does not travel nor have a casual day. As he dons his suits every day, he dons the mask of a disimpassioned butler, ridding himself of any expressions of vulnerability and emotions and becoming solely focused on his duties.

Ishiguro uses Stevens’ interactions with Miss Kenton and his father to illustrate how maintaining a professional role deters Stevens from truly connecting with his loved ones. When Stevens checks up on his ailing father, who had just recovered from a stroke, Stevens keeps an impersonal tone despite the somber and confessional topic of conversation: “‘I’m proud of you. A good son. I hope I’ve been a good father to you. I suppose I haven’t.’ ‘I’m afraid we’re extremely busy now, but we can talk again in the morning.’ My father was still looking at his hands as though he were faintly irritated by them” (97). Leading up to this point, the exchanges between Steven’s father and him have been only about work. This is the first time in which one of the Stevens men discloses their emotions willingly, but since Stevens did not reciprocate, they could not overcome the awkward and cold atmosphere of their conversation. Though this is the prime opportunity to progress his relationship with his father, the professional suit blocks the words of his father from reaching Stevens the son.

Although there should be a sense of urgency in the situation, Stevens brushes off his father’s statements of regret and says that they “can talk again in the morning.” Ishiguro furthers underscores the disconnect between Stevens and his father through the mention of Stevens Senior’s hands. He utilizes the duality of the symbol of hands as a representation of menial labor and familial love to demonstrate the two main sources of Stevens Senior’s life regrets. Steven’s father feels agitated for not having been a “good father,” and utilizing his hands to serve the needs of others rather than to convey affection towards his son. Despite being shown the consequence of excessive propriety and restraint through his father, Stevens continues to uphold these absurd values of dignity.

Another instance in which Stevens fails to foster any meaningful relationships is when Miss Kenton informs him of her engagement and the possibility of her resignation. In response to her news, Stevens says: “‘Miss Kenton, you have my warmest congratulations. But I repeat, there are matters of global significance taking place upstairs and I must return to my post.’” (219). Stevens suppresses his feelings for Miss Kenton and acts aloof towards her announcement. When he points out that “matters of global significance” are taking place, Stevens is reassuring himself in his decision to remain unflappable. Though he is responding to Ms. Kenton, these words are more of a reminder to himself that his role as a butler has “global significance,” whereas his feelings for Ms. Kenton do not and should thus be suppressed for the greater good. There is also a constant pattern in that whenever Stevens is faced with a situation that could force him to betray his emotions, he hurriedly escapes into the duties of a butler. The suit that he dons as a butler impairs his ability to play any other roles, including the role of the son and the role of the companion.

Moreover, in both scenarios, Stevens lets opportunity pass by as his father passes away and as Miss Kenton resigns from her post. This failure to act on his part creates loose ends and his desire for closure, especially with Miss Kenton. His suppression of his feelings in this instance and conviction to remain dutiful compels him to travel across the country just to get the answer to whether Miss Kenton is truly happy with her marriage (238). Similar to the fate of his father, Stevens’ devotion to his ideals stifles his chances at love and affection, rendering him to become lonely and full of regret. Ishiguro utilizes the similarities between Stevens’ and his father’s room to display that all of their defining characteristics are all derived from aspects of their job. When Miss Kenton sees Stevens’ room for the first time, she comments: “‘But surely, Mr. Stevens, there is no need to keep your room so stark and bereft of colour.’ ‘It has served me perfectly well thus far as it is, Miss Kenton.’” (52). Stevens’ room merely functions as a shelter for him to reside in after working hours rather than a personal safe haven. Furthermore, his remark to Ms. Kenton is ironic because when he sees his father’s room, which is extremely similar to his, he comments its resemblance to a prison cell: “I was newly struck by the smallness and starkness of it. Indeed, I recall my impression at the time was of having stepped into a prison cell, but then this might have had much to do with the pale early light as with the size of the room or the bareness of its walls” (64). From the bareness of the walls to the general starkness of the room, Stevens’ and his father’s room are extremely similar. Despite these parallels, Stevens fails to see that he himself is also imprisoned by his own conclusions on dignity and honor.

In addition, both of the rooms fail to provide any insight into their personalities and their “bareness” only reveals that the two men are entirely subsumed by their occupations at Darlington Hall. Ishiguro then foreshadows the effects of this “bareness” on Stevens’ through Steven’s father: “When I saw him stood upright before me, I could not be sure to what extent he was hunched over due to infirmity and what extent due to the habit of accommodating the steeply sloped ceilings of the room” (65). The posture of Stevens’ father has almost been molded to the ceiling of Darlington Hall. Stevens’ father’s life has been so wrapped around serving others and becoming an imperturbable butler that he is posture now mimics a stable and rigid structure of the building itself. This accommodation and dedication to his work literally cripples him and his human agency and the same fate awaits Stevens himself.

Like his father, by allowing blind devotion and loyalty to overtake his sense of individuality and his convictions, Stevens becomes a mere extension of his employer, Lord Darlington. When Lord Darlington, who is later accused of being a Nazi sympathizer, asks Stevens to fire all of the Jewish employees, Stevens contemplates: “The maids had been perfectly satisfactory employees and…my every instincts opposed the idea of their dismissal. Nevertheless, my duty in this instance was quite clear, and as I saw it, there was nothing to be gained at all in irresponsibly displaying such personal doubts” (148). By going against his morals and obediently following Lord Darlington’s orders, Lord Darlington’s choices and beliefs are imposed onto Stevens. Even though his “every instincts” opposed Lord Darlington’s decision, he easily allows Lord Darlington to determine and overrule his own morals: “The fact is, the world today is a very complicated and treacherous place. There are many things you [Miss Kenton] and I are simply not in a position to understand concerning, say, the nature of Jewry. Whereas his lordship, I might venture, is somewhat better placed to judge what is for the best” (149). He adopts the belief that his own opinions and values are of less worth than Lord Darlington’s based on the fact that Darlington is given the title of “Lord.” He undermines himself when he says he is “not in the position to understand…the nature of Jewry.” Though Stevens may not be able to comprehend global conflicts, he does have basic sense of morals that to be able to judge that firing employees based on their religion is unfair and prejudiced. Stevens’ belief that honor can only be obtained by the most prestigious and wealthy gentlemen also makes him be complicit in his own subservience. As Stevens seeks his self-prescribed ideals of dignity and honor, his individuality diminishes and his capability to form close bonds with others is hindered. Since Stevens only ever knew the master-servant relationship, he is left without any sources of affection, regretting that he had not made choices out of his own volition. The ideals that he constructed, which were meant to help him become honorable and dignified, ultimately turns his life into one of waste.

Before taking this course what I knew about addiction wasn’t very much at all. Throughout my life, I have seen and been around strangers and in close contact with people that I know personally who were addicted to a substance, but I never really understood what addiction really meant. Later on, while taking this class was when I got the understanding that addiction is a very complex condition, it is a disease that manifests itself in the brain, and even though the user knows its harmful consequences, they are compelled to continue use.

I know that death is not the only tragic result of drug use and addiction. The individual can also be mentally and physically impaired; they can lose relationships, and jobs, and end up in prison as well.

In the early years of my life, I grew up on an island called Trinidad and Tobago which is located in the West Indies; there I resided with my family. I came from a single-parent household and I was the youngest of her eight children. My mother was one of the hardest working people I have ever known, she worked several different jobs just so she could provide for her children and I now see where my sister and I got our work ethics from.

Growing up in such a large family was fun at times, but it doesn’t mean that we were never short of issues. One of my older brothers struggled with drug addiction; he was addicted to cocaine and marijuana for many years. This was a dark time because my family spent years living in hell having to deal with my brother’s addiction and not knowing how to help him. In the end, my brother lost his battle and died due to an overdose, he was only 32 years of age.

I know that there are many parents who have in the past and who are presently going through the same pain and suffering as my family once did, having to watch their children on a course that could lead to their demise and feeling helpless not knowing how they can save them because the substance has already taken control.

In my country drug, alcohol and many other forms of addiction were always very prominent and sometimes easy to identify. Almost everywhere I turned I could see someone begging for money or living on the streets due to the stronghold the addiction had taken on their lives. It seemed as though they had lost all control and had surrendered to their addiction, giving up all hope of ever becoming to clean and restore their lives again.

I was never an expert in what addiction was but I surely knew what the end results of its use. Most of my bothers’ friends used some sort of substance so I could have seen why it was very hard for him to even attempt to stop use; he was constantly surrounded by it.

Because of my brother being addicted to cocaine and marijuana, I am sure that over the years he had built up a tolerance for the drugs and he needed to use larger amounts to feel its effects, and this is when it started getting worse. He started saying disgusting things; he became violent and acted out in the most disturbing ways. He would steal from the family lied and even go as far as to hurt others when he wanted money to support his habit. This when on for many years, but I was too young to even know what was really going on with him.

One day I saw my mother in tears pleading with him to stop. I could tell that she had reached her breaking point because on that day I could actually see and I literally felt her pain because I too had tears flowing down from my eyes, I could feel it streaming down my cheeks, this is when I saw how real her pain was. I knew that she was hurting and felt powerless not knowing how to save her son, but it seemed that the more he used was the more he got worse.

I could remember a time when I was very young; my brother was a completely different person. He babysat my siblings and me and allowed us to play outside in the yard with our friends when our mother was at work. He would also make a snack when we were hungry. My mother could have depended on him to help around the house and never was disrespectful to her. By becoming addicted to drugs it did not just change his life but it also affected the lives of everyone who knew him personally.

Over the years of my brother’s addiction, my family tried almost everything they could to get him to help. I do not think at that time there were any rehab programs available in my country, and if there were I know that we definitely could not afford to send him there, but different methods were used but it was not very effective. He was fully aware of his addictive disorder and the problems it caused, but he was unable to stop it on his own no matter how hard he tried. His addiction caused him to have some health problems, his kidneys began to fail and the relationship between the family and his friends started to deteriorate.

At times he would show signs of wanting to do better, but his condition would cause him to relapse. Later on, while taking this class I learned that my brother’s actions were a symptom of the disease he suffered. His unconscionable behavior was caused by a brain disease stemming from his addiction.

After my brother passed away my family continued to struggle. Addiction traumatizes and trauma endures because we suffered a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and I do not think that my mother ever recovered from it.

Among these shows is an emphasis on the raised subjects of war, love, and gallantry. In Book 6 Milton depicts the fight between the great and abhorrence holy messengers; the destruction of the last outcomes in their removal from paradise. In the fight, the Son (Jesus Christ) is invulnerable in his attack against Satan and his partners. However, Milton’s accentuation is less on the Son as a warrior and more on his affection for mankind; the Father, in his heavenly discourse with the Son, predicts the wickedness of Adam and Eve, and the Son decides to get manifest and to endure submissively to reclaim them. In spite of the fact that his job as a friend in need of fallen mankind isn’t sanctioned in the epic, Adam and Eve before their ejection from Eden learn of things to come redemptive service of Jesus, the praiseworthy signal of generous love. The Son’s sacrificial love stands out strikingly from the narrow-minded love of the saints of Classical legends, who are recognized by their valor in the war zone, which is typically induced by pride and vainglory. Their quality and abilities in the combat zone and their securing of the crown jewels of war likewise issue from abhor, outrage, vengeance, avarice, and greed. On the off chance that Classical legends esteem their heroes as courageous for their extraordinary interests, even indecencies, the Son in Paradise Lost epitomizes Christian valor both through his accommodation and unselfishness and through his understanding and strength.

In the same way as other Classical sagas, Paradise Lost summons a dream, that Milton recognizes at the beginning of the ballad:

Sing Heav’nly Muse, that on the mystery top

Of Horeb, or of Sinai, didst rouse

That shepherd, who previously showed the picked seed,

To start with how the heav’ns and earth

Emerged from tumult; or if Sion slope

Pleasure thee more, and Siloa’s rivulet that streamed

Quick by the prophet of God: I thereupon

Summon thy help to my adventurous tune,

That with no center flight expects to take off

Over the Aonian mount, while it seeks after

Things are unattempted yet in composition or rhyme.

This dream is the Judaeo-Christian Godhead. Referring to indications of the Godhead on Horeb and Sinai, Milton looks for motivation equivalent to that visited upon Moses, to whom is credited the organization of the book of Genesis. Much as Moses was motivated to describe what he didn’t observe, so likewise Milton looks for motivation to expound on scriptural occasions. Reviewing Classical sagas, in which the frequents of the dreams are peaks as well as conduits, Milton refers to Siloa’s stream, where in the New Testament a visually impaired man procured locate subsequent to going there to wash off the earth and saliva put over his eyes by Jesus. In like manner, Milton looks for motivation to empower him to imagine and describe occasions to which he and every single individual are visually impaired except if picked for edification by the Godhead. With his reference to ‘the Aonian mount,’ or Mount Helicon in Greece, Milton intentionally welcomes examination with Classical predecessors. He affirms that his work will override these ancestors and will achieve what has not yet been accomplished: a scriptural epic in English.

Heaven Lost likewise legitimately summons Classical stories by starting its activity in media res. Book 1 relates the repercussions of the war in Paradise, which is depicted just later, in Book 6. At the beginning of the epic, the outcomes of the loss of the war incorporate the ejection of the fallen holy messengers from paradise and their plummet into heck, a position of diabolical torment. With the discipline of the fallen blessed messengers having been portrayed from the get-go in the epic, Milton in later books relates how and why their noncompliance happened. Defiance and its outcomes, in this way, go to the fore in Raphael’s guidance of Adam and Eve, who (particularly in Books 6 and 8) are reproved to stay respectful. By looking at the wickedness of Satan in thought and in deed, Milton positions this piece of his account near the allurement of Eve. This course of action empowers Milton to feature how and why Satan, who occupies a snake to allure Eve in Book 9, initiates in her the unnecessary pride that achieved his very own ruin. Satan excites in Eve a similar perspective, which is ordered in her participation in the illegal organic product, a demonstration of insubordination.

Milton’s epic starts in the repulsive black market and returns thereafter Satan has enticed Eve to rebellion. In accordance with Classical portrayals of the black market, Milton stresses its murkiness, for hellfire’s flames, which are colorless dark, dispense torment but don’t give light. The torments of hellfire (‘on all sides round’) additionally recommend an area like a functioning spring of gushing lava. In the Classical custom, Typhon, who rebelled against Jove, was driven rationally by a jolt, imprisoned under Mount Etna in Sicily, and tormented by the fire of this dynamic spring of gushing lava. Pleasing this Classical simple to his Christian recognition, Milton renders damnation mainly as indicated by scriptural records, most prominently the book of Revelation. The ballad’s portrayals of damnation likewise reverberate the epic show of a drop into the black market.

All through Paradise Lost Milton utilizes an excellent style suitably fit to the raised topic and tone. In a prefatory note, Milton portrays the ballad’s meter as an ‘English chivalrous stanza without rhyme,’ which approximates ‘that of Homer in Greek, and of Virgil in Latin.’ Rejecting rhyme as ‘the jingling sound of like endings,’ Milton leans towards a measure that isn’t end-halted, so he may utilize enjambment (run-on lines) with ‘the sense drew out from one section into another.’ The fantastic style that he receives comprises unrhymed predictable rhyming (clear refrain) and highlights resonant rhythms throbbing through and past one section into the following. By creating his scriptural epic in this measure, he welcomes examination with works by Classical progenitors. Without utilizing accentuation toward the finish of numerous stanzas, Milton additionally makes voluble units of beat and sense that work out in a good way past the constraints he saw in the rhymed refrain.

Milton additionally utilizes different components of a fantastic style, most quite epic analogies. These express correlations presented by ‘like’ or ‘as’ multiply crosswise over Paradise Lost. Milton will in general include one correlation after another, every one extended. Appropriately, in one long section in Book 1, Satan’s shield is compared to the Moon as seen through Galileo’s telescope; his lance is bigger than the pole of a lead; the fallen blessed messengers outstretched on the pool of fire after their removal from paradise ‘lay enchanted/Thick as harvest time leaves that strew the rivulets/In Vallombrosa’ (actually ‘Obscure Valley,’ outside Florence). The fallen heavenly attendants take after, also, the Egyptian rangers that sought after the Israelites into the separated Red Sea, after which the breakdown of the dividers of water immersed the Egyptians and left the pharaoh’s chariots and charioteers weltering like junk.

Heaven Lost is at last not just about the destruction of Adam and Eve yet additionally about the conflict between Satan and the Son. Numerous perusers have appreciated Satan’s magnificent carelessness, if not valor, in going up against the Godhead. Satan’s resistance, outrage, stiff-necked attitude, and cleverness characterize a character who endeavors never to yield. From various perspectives, Satan is gallant when contrasted with such Classical models as Achilles, Odysseus, and Aeneas and to comparable heroes in medieval and Renaissance stories. In its entirety, his characteristics mirror theirs.

Be that as it may, Milton formed a scriptural epic so as to expose Classical courage and to praise Christian valor, exemplified by the Son. Despite his triumph in the fight against the fallen blessed messengers, the Son is progressively courageous on the grounds that he is happy to experience deliberate mortification, an indication of his quintessential love for mankind. He foreknows that he will get manifest so as to endure passing, a benevolent demonstration whereby mankind will be reclaimed. By such a demonstration, additionally, the Son satisfies what Milton calls the ‘extraordinary contention’ of his ballad: to ‘legitimize the methods for God to man,’ as Milton writes in Book 1. Notwithstanding Satan’s prosperity against Adam and Eve, the desire for recovery after corruption is given by Son’s generosity. Such expectation and opportunity empower mankind to help out the Godhead to vanquish Satan, maintain a strategic distance from punishment, defeat passing, and rise heavenward. Satan’s wiles, along these lines, are upset by individuals from recovered mankind who decide to take an interest in the redemptive demonstration that the Son has embraced for their benefit.

Death is a very complicated feeling to describe. Some people may experience various emotions. Death is most commonly described as a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Robert Frost was a 20th century poet. Frost explains that, “A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness”. In John Updike’s poem, ‘Dog’s Death’, it shows an abundance of feelings and emotions. Updike’s poem, most definitely, creates a ‘lump in the throat’, as he goes into great detail of the loss of the narrator’s family dog. Throughout his craft, the narrator gave the poem a sense of dejection. Although the speaker, does very well despairing the loss of the dog. In the poem, many things are displayed such as a sense of loss, sense of sadness is developed, and homesickness. Updike’s poem triggers intense feelings in readers as a result of the relatability of the plot. It would seem that the poem is really an expression of the poet’s fulfillment. Therefore, Updike’s poem demonstrates his own image and point of view for writing it.

Updike attentively crafts his poem to deliver a strong sense of loss. He gives the touching poem of which the narrator remembers a puppy that he and his family rescued. The puppy tragically dies due to unforeseen injuries. In the poem, Updike illustrates the process of how the puppy fought to live. The puppy refused to give up no matter how many circumstances and obstacles she faced. Through the elements of imagery, Updike was able to describe and explain the devasting moments that the family had with the puppy and demonstrate the families changed behavior due to the puppy’s death. The injustice shown in the poem creates a sort of ‘lump in the throat’ on the part of the reader. As a key element of the poem, Updike uses sympathy to convey a sense of loss.

The author uses tone and diction to make you emotionally attached to what the family was going through. The narrator, in the story, feels a sense of melancholy considering the loss of their puppy. He describes the position of how the puppy first came into his family’s life and then later on told the tragic ending of what the puppy went through. In the poem, it shows the puppy tried to defy the odds and escape death because how calm she reacted regardless the circumstances that she faced. The narrator explains how the puppy learned to fight to survive from an early age. The narrator explained, “She must have been kicked unseen or brushed by a car” (Updike, line 1). By insinuating that the injuries that the puppy sustained were ‘unseen’, the narrator acknowledges that he was unaware of how sick the puppy was and how he and his family “thought her shy malaise was a shot reaction” only to be shocked when “the autopsy disclosed a rupture in her liver” (Updike, line 6-7). Updike’s emotional reaction from the reader shows the sense of sadness, provided motivation for the poem. Witnessing these events, Updike likely felt these emotions personally. The word choice that the author uses really brings out an easier way to comprehend what is going on without actually saying it. Little did they know that while they were roughhousing with their pet, because she was slowly dying on the inside. “And her heart was learning how to lie down forever” (Line 8). By using ‘lie down’ in this form, you then know that the dog was eventually going to die. The final four lines brings such emotion to what the author is trying to inform the reader on. To know that, even though the dog was deathly sick, she was still able to get to be on the newspaper.

Updike wrote this heartwarming poem to illustrate the feeling of lovesickness and homesickness. By expressing a loss of a lovely dog, he shows the feelings of lovesickness. When Updike explains, “Back home, we found that in the night her frame”, describes the feeling of homesickness from the narrator’s loss. His poem represents Frost’s explanations towards poetry, for as readers read the progress, and sees how his observation reflect upon the narrator’s dog and his family. This implied the experience of the narrator’s family feelings of loneliness, and homesickness. Therefore, Frost’s observation is confirmed correct.

Tourism is known as the largest tourist industry. It also has great importance because of how much you can get educated in different cultures. So, the European personality that I have chosen, that has led to the creation of tourist sites, concentrating in Europe, is William Shakespeare. After more than 400 years, he is very important to us because he is one of the most important literary figures of the English language for his performances with complex cultural and political backgrounds, his plays are highly popular and frequently studied and reinterpreted. To add, the genius of the characters and plots of Shakespeare is that they portray real people with a wide range of emotions. Many tourists visit Europe to follow in his footsteps, learn about him, and get to know more about his famous poems and plays through festivals, attractions, accommodations, parks, statues, and many more.

To start, much of the information retrieved is from an independent charity since 1847 called The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust (https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/shakespedia/william-shakespeare/william-shakespeare-biography, 2019 ). In summary, they educate us on William Shakespeare, an English poet, playwright, writer, and actor in the Renaissance era, of his works, and his life. He was born on April 1564 in Stratford-upon-Avon, located in the United Kingdom, and it is also believed that he died close to his birthday in 1616. He is the third oldest child out of eight from John Shakespeare, a leather merchant, and Mary Aiden, a local landed heiress. We estimate that William started his education at 5 or 6 at the Stratford Grammar School but for university, there are no records of him going. At age 13, he was forced to drop out due to his dad’s financial problems. Scholars still think that he might have attended the King’s New School, also located in Stratford. At age eighteen, he married Anne Hathaway because she got pregnant at 26 years old. Their first child, a girl named Susanna, was born on May 26, 1583. Two years later, on February 2, 1585, twins Hamnet and Judith were born. Hamnet later died of unknown causes at age 11. There was a moment when there wasn’t any research on him for a couple of years after the death of his son. Many historians decided on calling that period of Shakes: “The lost years”. Furthermore, the website explained that:

“However, Shakespeare was very innovative, adapting the traditional style to his own purposes and creating a freer flow of words. With only small degrees of variation, Shakespeare primarily used a metrical pattern consisting of lines of unrhymed iambic pentameter, or blank verse, to compose his plays.”

Shakespeare’s early plays were composed of complex metaphors and rhetorical phrases. Many say that he went into hiding where he tries enhancing his dramatic skills and writing. In the conventional style of the day, Shakespeare’s early plays were composed with complex metaphors and rhetorical phrases that did not always fit naturally with the plot or characters of the story. Shakespeare was and still is known and loved by everyone around the world that he was then nicknamed “English National Poet” or the “Bard of Avon”.He got that name because he was born in Stratford-upon-Avon and the word “Bard” means poet. As an example of his popularity, many people heard of his famous quotes: “To be, or not to be: that is the question” and “Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?”. This shows that he had a big influence on English literature and gave us a view of how things were during those times.

The most famous attraction is obviously Shakespeare’s birthplace, today it is a historical museum in Henley Street, Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire, England, and where he lived for his first 24 years. For most of the tickets, it is £17.50/adult, £11.50/child, and £16.50/concession. Another must-see attraction is Shakespeare’s New Place. It used to be the second-largest house in town, that William bought in 1597. Although the house was demolished in 1759, it was replaced as a garden to commemorate the importance of the site (https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/visit/shakespeares-new-place/,2019). Also, you have the possibility of buying a full ticket where you have twelve unlimited entries to visit three other places like Mary Arden’s Farm, Anne Hathaway’s cottage, and Hall’s Croft. The annual report made by the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust from all of these five Shakespeare family homes and gardens says that they calculated over 835,000 visitors from around the world for the (https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/about-us/annual-reports/,2018). Lastly, Shakespeare’s Globe is a world-renowned venue for performing arts, cultural attractions, and a learning center situated on the bank of the Thames River in London, UK. The theater, owned by Shakespeare’s company, is a unique tool for presenting Shakespeare’s work and the playhouse that he himself wrote. This concept is perfect since you are informed of him and his work through performance. Last year the number of visitors was 138,00 students out of 923,000 visitors in total. There are many statue memorials dedicated to him around the world. By naming some, there is one inside the Holy Trinity Church, in his hometown, designed by William Kent and created by Peter Scheemakers, and another where he is sitting at Bancroft Gardens in Stratford. Furthermore, almost everyone has heard and read Romeo and Juliet. Then they should know that it takes place in Italy in a town called Verona. You are able to visit Romeo and Juliet’s homes, which are not far apart from each other. In a website called Romeo and Juliet Guide, it illustrates that ever since Shakespeare wrote the play, the town gained more popularity and it is now known as the “city of love” in Italy.

As for festivals dedicated to the English poet, they have a festival called “Shakespeare Festival in Turkey” organized by the English Language and Literature Department at SDU in Isparta on 5-20 April 2019. Another one called the “5th Shakespeare Festival in Serbia-Programme” is announced to start on the 28th of June and end on the 3rd of July (http://esfn.eu/, 2019). These festivals present many of Shakespeare’s plays, readings, and lectures. Depending on the festival, the first one is introduced in Turkish and English. But the other festival, performing 37 of Shakespeare’s plays, is interpreted in different languages.

Moving on to accommodations, the best one is called Mercure Stratford upon Avon Shakespeare Hotel; a half-timbered house that became a four-star hotel inn. For only the price of $80-100 (depending on the season), you have free Wi-fi, room service, pet friendly, and more. It is also a five-minute walk to Shakespeare’s birthplace. The information on how many people are staying is not given, but TripAdvisor informed us that there are in total 78 rooms available and many previous visitors come because it is easy access to the town.

In conclusion, this poet may have died but what he left with his written plays and poems will always be remembered. He will always have a reputation as an idle, important to history, not only in Europe but around the globe. He has created a significant impact on various attractions like Shakespeare’s Birthplace, Shakespeare’s New Place, and Shakespeare’s Globe were created or remained to get to experience like if you were inside his poems.

1. Ed. (2019, October 2). Shakespeare Quotes: Top 50 Famous Shakespeare Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.nosweatshakespeare.com/quotes/famous-shakespeare-quotes/.
2. Shakespeare’s New Place. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/visit/shakespeares-new-place/.
3. Mabillard, Amanda. Shakespeare’s Lost Years. Shakespeare Online. 12 Nov. 2000. < http://www.shakespeare-online.com/biography/shakespearelostyears.html >.
4. Shakespeare’s Globe USA. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.shakespearesglobe.com/join-and-support/shakespeares-globe-usa/.
5. Memorials and Statues of William Shakespeare. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.william-shakespeare.info/william-shakespeare-statues-and-memorials.htm.

Introduction

The perusal of poetry permits one to investigate the ideas and emotions of another person and to see their stowed away, suppressed sentiments in a unique, creative instance.

The numerous, picturesque emotional perspective of grief is profoundly accentuated through my chosen poems The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe and Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden. Good afternoon, teacher and school peers, today I will stress the idiosyncratic distinctions between viewpoints of grief, how the context of their era and personal situation create different ideals surrounding grief, and finally, what poetic techniques are utilized to communicate their perspectives through my two presented poems.

Key message and theme context

The Raven composed by Edgar Allan Poe and published in 1845 explores a man who is shattered over the recent demise of his beloved Lenore, once he passes a forlorn December night in his room, he hears a tapping sound on his door then the window, he’s worried, consoling himself that it is just the breeze before opening the window to a raven, it roosts on a bust of Athena and the narrator proceeds to converse with it. The Raven repetitively responds with nevermore, and sadly that is the last answer the narrator desires by the end of the poem the narrator has seemed to lose his mind, succumbing to the sorrow of losing his lost love Lenore and knowing that she will return ‘nevermore’. The message that is focused on within the poem describes how grief can lead to mental instability and how it is commonly in stages. This is contrasted with grief as an isolating power which will be discussed further through Funeral Blues.

The first stage of grief, denial at the beginning of the poem as seen in stanza 4 when hearing the knocking of the door, ‘And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, Lenore?’ also hearing ‘an echo murmured back the word, Lenore!” Merely this, and nothing more.”. – line 29 The speaker is present in the stage of deep denial, though Lenore is dead he is still optimistic of the arrival of his close relation at his door. He denies the fact that it is impossible for Lenore to be alive however he is shrouded in a fog of denial. This is universally recognized as a common mental side effect of grief. Additionally, his denial of grief is further exemplified when he tries to justify the constant tapping and rapping at his door, “Surely,” said I “Surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore (line 33-34).” This highlights how the speaker is hopelessly trying to prove to himself that the sound is real and that he isn’t going mad over his grief for Lenore. Although denial is a side effect, Poe maintains the idea that grief is mentally unstable due to the speaker’s optimism and insistence on Lenore’s health suggesting that he is in fact descending into the realms of insanity due to the grief he feels.

Next, he enters the stage of anger which is predominantly explored through stanzas 14, 15, and 17. He explodes in anger as “Wretch,” I cried, ‘thy God hath lent thee-by these angels he hath sent thee Respite-respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore; Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!” (Lines 81 – 83). The narrator is confronted with the fact that Lenore is deceased which is proved through the raven’s repetition of ‘Nevermore’ and bursts out in anger but not necessarily at the bird but rather the grief he feels knowing that his worst feelings are confirmed although he had tried immensely not to give in. This is further explored through his cursing of the bird as an embodiment of evil. “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us-by that God we both adore. (91-92). The speaker has decided the raven is an evil being and suggests that he is becoming increasingly angrier at its presence and how it confirms his grief for Lenore. It also shows how he is further trying to create an excuse for his madness indicating his unravelling mentality.

Finally, the narrator’s anger is amplified as he finds out that he will never reach peace over his grief which further intensified his negative mental state. He spoke loudly “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting” Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave my loneliness unbroken !-quit the bust above my door! (Line 97-100). The speaker has entered a fit of rage and frustration as he realizes the Raven is telling the truth and he will never be able to see Lenore again. This rage narrows to an important point which signifies his loneliness and grief away from Lenore which forced him into mental insanity. He says that he feels extremely lonely and that the raven milked this idea and caused hysteria in bursts of violent anger. These quotes corroborate that the raven is a figment of his imagination as it speaks of his darkest thoughts only he should know which provides a tangible representation of his impending insanity due to the grief he feels for Lenore. Furthermore, the narrator’s grief brings him to his next step of mental insanity; depression. He understands he has lost Lenore and grieves over it, feeling as if his ‘soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted……nevermore!”. -lines 108 to 109. The narrator has lost the mental battle started by grief and succumbs to his pain, sadness, and craze knowing that deep down the raven was always correct and he wouldn’t be able to ‘redeem’ himself. Moreover, this quotation highlights the final point of grief; acceptance, and validates the message of grief leading to mental insanity, The man accepts the reality that he will never be free from his grief and that the raven is right. The actuality of his state corresponds in two ways. First, he finally accepts the death of his loved one with grief. Secondly, the narrator accepts the loss of his sanity through his giving up due to his grief.

Through the quotes mentioned, the fruitful birth of the narrator’s downward spiral to insanity through the end of the mental battle against the Raven created through his grief is explored.

Conclusively, the message of grief leading to mental instability is corroborated through interactions of the raven and stages of grief in the use of quotations.

Historical context

During the time period Poe wrote ‘The Raven’, there was a rampage of diseases, death, and sickness and families often suffered large mortality rates. This surged intense bereavement and grief across the country, and when discussed in the ‘Raven’ may be perceived as justified and as normality. Furthermore, the medical perspective of mental health conditions was at an all-time low, thus the grief caused by death was perceived as largely factored in mental health conditions and so Poe would’ve been influenced by these ideas present in the public.

This poem was specifically intended for an audience that suffered great loss as they would be able to relate to the perspective and message of grief in the poem.

Music in the 1800s mostly comprised classical, soft, and jazz music and was utilized in this poem through alliteration.

Personal context

The personal and social context of the poem during 1845 and Poe’s personal life changed his perspective of grief in contrast to W.H. Auden. Poe was born in a middle-class family in Massachusetts, on the 19th of January 1809. He went through many circumstances of never-ending grief with his father leaving at three and his mother dying of tuberculosis and was raised by his foster parents John and Frances Allan. He struggled with his mental state further when he was forced to leave his university due to his gambling addiction and debt. He joined a military academy only to receive more gambling debt and get expelled for truancy. This highlights his negative mentality which was further fuelled by the grief he had for his biological parents and his own position in life. Poe starts to further lose grip on his sanity as his wife Virginia died of tuberculosis, leading him into becoming a depressed, borderline insane extreme alcoholic who often took it upon himself to fight other poets. Moreover, his mental state was again fractured as his foster mother and his former cousin died of tuberculosis and his foster father fell out with him due to his insubordination. These factors led to further grief which altered his mental state into hysteria and is defined as a personal context that influenced his perspective of grief in The Raven.

His poem regarding grief was also determined by his own personal belief that ‘the most poetical topic in the world’ was ‘the death….of a beautiful woman,’ which allows the viewer to understand that he chose to develop the narrator’s madness surrounding the death of a beautiful woman; Lenore.

I feel so broken and even my breath got frozen

My heart and mind were stolen

How can these empty things carry so much weight?

Can’t I design my fate?

Their whispers don’t let me, Can’t they see I want to fill in this void inside me?

-Amara S.

I was in this room, sitting in front of the mirror and watching myself while trying to remember who I am. It’s been a week since I woke up in that hospital where a man said that he is my husband. I neither remember a thing nor my name, so how could I trust anyone?

I heard three knocks before the door opened. The girl said, ‘Your Highness, the doctor is here.’ I think she’s one of the servants here. A minute later when an aged man holding a small suitcase walked in. ‘Greetings, Your Highness.’ He said then bowed at me. I nodded my head once and allowed him to sit on the chair, not far away from me. My so-called husband wasn’t here. I believe he needs to take care of something very important that’s why I am alone here with maids, guards, and this doctor.

‘So what is happening to me?’ I asked him directly. Before he answered, he opened his suitcase and had his papers out. He scanned the papers before explaining, ‘Princess, the bad news is, according to the test we made, you have retrograde amnesia, and based on your statement last week, you can’t remember even a bit of yourself; while the good news is, your implicit memory might still be intact, which means you can learn new skills, such as riding a bike, cooking, swimming, even though you forgot the actual event.’

‘How did I get sick?’ I stuttered as I looked at myself again in the mirror while holding back my tears. ‘It’s because of some brain damage possibly from trauma in addition to severe stress. My apologies but you can only ask your family about what truly happened to you, Your Highness. They are the ones who can answer all of your questions,’ I stayed silent and tried to remember even a bit of my memory. ‘I am going now, Your Highness. If you still have questions regarding your condition, you are free to ask me. Good day.’ He bowed at me once again before leaving.

As soon as the doctor left, I stood up and took my jacket. I needed to find something which will help me remember even a bit. As I walked by the lobby, tons of maids were asking me where am I going.

Well, where am I supposed to go? I don’t know either.

I didn’t answer them until I finally got out of the palace. When I felt the cold winter air, I put on my jacket and my hair had been blown up and down by the cold wind. I took a long walk even though I didn’t know where to go. All I hoped for was to remember even bits of things, places, or events that may lead me back to my memories.

I have lots of questions in my mind that only my memory can honestly answer. The doctor said that no one knows if this is temporary or fleeting. I’ve wandered a lot of streets of an unfamiliar city, and I have no idea how can I get back home. How do I get to know myself?

There are things I know I should remember. My first date, my first kiss with the man who claimed me as his wife, our wedding day, and all of those memories that everyone else in the world shares. Our precious memories. But I cannot remember any of them. I had no memory of any part of my life’s story. It’s all been erased. The best word I can use to describe it is just being lost. Because I lost who I am.