Category: Listening

We should consider several points when helping our students to practise listening skills.

Several points should be taken into account when helping our students to practise listening skills.

1. They can be trained together with reading skills. A specific vocabulary can be pre-taught in the reading section. Provide exercises practising unknown words, idioms, set phrases. Business English is rich in fixed expressions.
2. Business English podcasts made by native speakers is a good way of practising the above-mentioned skills. It is good to listen to different podcasts on the same topic.
3. A lot of people find it hard to grasp the intonation, the meaning of stress and the words the syllables of which are not fully pronounced. Thus, we should explain the peculiarities of their use to our students, giving them in a Business English context.
4. We should offer our students a wide range of materials which should be of different speaking styles. Speeches, lectures, presentations, interviews, financial news, meetings on a variety of business topics should be included. Audio texts should comprise both monologic and dialogic speech. It is recommended to listen to people of different nationalities with different accents. The age of speakers should vary. The use of audio with the noise of this or that type shouldn’t be underestimated. That helps to create a close to the real-life atmosphere.
5. We need to teach our students to see the structure of the audio/video material. We can tell them to write down the linking words mentioned in the text. Thus we will help them to get used to patterns of presenting business-related data. Tasks on retelling sticking to the written plan can be given.
6. We should give tasks which will make students write down some details and useful expressions.
7. Listening for gist, for detail, for a sequence (to understand the order), for vocabulary (to put the new words under certain categories), for opinions (when students should understand the speaker’s attitude) should be combined. All the listening activities must be accompanied by pre-, while and post-listening tasks. First students listen to the audio to get the main idea and then they are asked to give details. Different tasks on filling the gaps, taking notes should help students to understand the text better.
8. We can encourage students to watch TED-talks on the relevant topics both during the lessons and outside the class. The research shows that the students who watch TED-talks regularly develop stronger listening and speaking skills. (Stognieva, 2019)

All things considered, I believe that a variety of listening activities help our students to improve their listening skills.

Based on Toastmasters, a boundless measure of courses, workshops, and preparations we see that are accessible, are built around “talking”, particularly open talking, is very attractive and looked for after aptitude.

Open talking is viewed as a fundamental capacity for individuals who want to propel their vocation in business and governmental issues. Yet, considering all the commotion concerning the significance of talking, listening is practically disregarded.

It very well may be contended that listening is just as significant as talking. Everybody wants to be heard and comprehended, and we remunerate individuals who furnish us with those open doors with our trust and dedication.

Here are five ways to increase our listening abilities:

1. BE INVESTED IN THE MOMENT

Have you at any point been addressing somebody and discovered that they are diverted by something and not by any stretch of the imagination tuning in to you? You likely have had this idea that this was irritating, disappointing, and ill-bred. By then, you may have even turned out to be irate or closed the discussion down.

When somebody is talking it is imperatively essential to be completely present and right now with them. In the event that something different is at the forefront of your thoughts, similar to a call you need to make, or a content you have to reply, let them know, do what you have to do, and when you are done tell them you are prepared to tune in.

When listening, focus not exclusively to the words however the manner of speaking, outward appearances, and non-verbal communication. This will give you data that will be as significant as the words themselves.

2. PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES

Regardless of whether you concur with the speaker or even have an enthusiasm for what they need to state, what they are stating is critical to them. Envision yourself in their circumstances, needing just to have somebody hear them out. When they are talking, endeavour to consider what they are accustomed to and why. Envision what their life resembles and what battles they may confront. Individuals will value that you attempted to comprehend and truly hear them.

3. PICK UP KEY POINTS AND LET THE SPEAKER KNOW YOU DID

Numerous individuals have trouble concentrating on what somebody is stating particularly on the off chance that they represent longer than a moment or somewhere in the vicinity. It is simple for our regard for the float to something different that we may discover even more fascinating. On the off chance that that is the situation, endeavour to get a couple of key focuses in the discussion. After they get done with talking, let them realize that you heard them by referencing the key focuses you heard them state and request that they clear up whatever you didn’t get it. You will be excused for not having the option to pursue the entire discussion if the individual talking trusts that you endeavoured.

4. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING

A great many people are considering how they are going to answer when somebody is talking. Rather than doing that, attempt to concentrate totally on what the individual is stating. Imagine that you will be tried upon the amount of what they were stating you heard and comprehended. A decent exercise to rehearse is to plunk down with a relative or a decent companion and practice basically offering criticism to them of what you heard them state. You will see that it gets a lot simpler to concentrate on their words when you aren’t agonizing over how you will react.

5. DEVELOP CURIOSITY, AN OPEN MIND, AND A DESIRE FOR CONTINUOUS GROWTH

Individuals who are normally inquisitive consider discussions to be learning openings. They are continually hoping to find or discover some new information and see everybody they converse with as having the capacity to show them something. They are available to the possibility that their own particular manner of seeing things may not be the main, or essentially the best way and don’t want to dependably safeguard their very own perspective or method for seeing the world.

These individuals are ceaselessly searching for new learning chances and taking on new difficulties. You will perceive these individuals as the ones who are agreeing to accept courses, volunteering, and attempting new encounters for the duration of their lives. For them, tuning in to others turns into a simple and normal approach to proceed on their self-improvement venture.

Listening is the foundation of coaching. Throughout the work on the PCD, I was able to experience how basic this skill is to the performance of the coach. That’s why I chose it to be the topic of the third reflective essay in which I will discuss the merits of being non-judgemental. I will also explain why being judgemental can sabotage a coach/client relationship. In the module about listening it is suggested that when coaching, we are supposed to make a sign that says: “No opinions/ no experiences/no moods/no thoughts” and keep it in front of us during the session. This is to remind the coach to be non-judgemental because when we judge people, we form an opinion based on our own interpretations not on facts, and this is not at all what coaching is about.

Let’s start by understanding why listening is so basic to coaching as it will help highlight the importance of being non-judgemental. The coach works with the client to empower him/her. The role of the coach is to raise the awareness of the coachee to be able to find the answers within him/her self. This cannot be done without listening. There is always an emphasis on mastering this skill. A coach aiming at serving the clients well has to put effort in order to excel in this field. An important question arises here. What kind of listening are we talking about? The quality of listening plays a basic role. Coaches are required to listen at levels two and three. The reason is that at level two the focus is on the speaker. This will enable the clients to feel that they have the attention as well as the interest of the coach and in turn will help them open up. At level three the coach reaches a higher level and is able to use his/ her intuition.

Before discussing the merits of being non-judgemental, I would like to point out the fact that seeing people for who they are makes all the difference, not only in coaching, but also in our everyday life. “If we want to feel united with our fellow human beings again, we need to break our habit of judging them, so that we can start seeing them for who they are, without misconceptions.”(1) This is exactly what a coach needs to do to be able to serve his clients well. However, I believe that there is a fact that cannot be ignored; judgmental thinking will take place. Our goal as coaches is to be aware of it going on and to work on dealing with it in the right way. That’s why there are certain practices that coaching courses provide in order to avoid such a kind of thinking.

Being non –judgemental is one of the pillars of coaching. A non-judgemental coach is able to establish a main support for his/her practice. He/she will be in control of all the thoughts, emotions, moods and opinions while listening to the client. The coach who succeeds in managing his /her thoughts will have a better understanding of the process to do so. Then in turn, he/she will be able to guide the client into doing the same. This will sure reflect positively on coaching. In addition it is clear that for the coach to be non-judgemental there is an effort that has to be put. We could infer that a coach who is ready to work towards achieving this goal definitely cares about the standard of his/her work which is a very positive aspect too.

The non-judgemental coach, as I mentioned earlier, will be able to achieve the required level of listening which not only will add a lot of value to the coaching session but will make it a successful one. How will this happen? Instead of working on creating a judgement when in a coaching session, the focus of the coach will be on listening to the coachee and asking the right questions. The coach will not let his/her mind roam and come out with ideas about the coachee. On the contrary, the coach will be focused and will work to get more information. By doing so, he/she will be able to help the client by guiding him/her to find the answers.

In addition the more we practice non-judgemental thinking the more it becomes sort of “built in” or a second nature .Here comes another merit: improving the quality of our thinking. This is something I personally experienced while training as a coach. Coaching has definitely helped me take my thinking to a higher level, one that is free of judgement. I also realized how this practice is important during my work in education too. Taking an objective and non-judgemental approach is crucial in dealing with the students as well as people. There are situations that arise and require a good level of communication. The students as an example must feel they are able to speak without being judged just like we all do. “Where speakers feel they are being listened to and understood, it helps them to feel that they can share more information.” (2) This applies to the coachees too.

The non-judgemental coach will have the main qualities of a good listener: respect, empath, clarity and awareness. By being non- judgemental, a coach is able to show respect to the client. This happens because the coach is not considering his/her viewpoint. The coach will be only bearing in mind the coachee’s perspective making the client feel that his words are important. In addition this coach is able to feel with and for the client. When the client feels the empathy of the coach he/ she will open up easily and will be able to talk about important issues in deep levels of conversation. The coach will also be able to demonstrate clarity in thinking because he is not busy with his own thoughts. On the contrary, the focus is on the coachee’s thinking. Only then the coach will be able to help the clients to find out what they really want. The last quality will be the non-judgemental coach having a sense awareness of what is going on in the conversation. This is very basic to any coaching session. It will allow the coach to be fully present and thus ready to serve the client in the best way possible.

It is easy now to conclude what could being judgemental do to the coach/ client relationship. We, as coaches, have to remember that “The coach’s role is to respond in a non-judgmental and primarily non-directive manner to the client’s performance and development needs. The aim is to help the client to articulate and achieve goals. The coach will not impose his own agenda.”(4) We, as humans, are different and thus we all interpret the experiences that we go through in different ways. This is a fact that cannot be ignored. The coach who does not do so fails to act as a mirror. Such a coach won’t succeed in establishing a good relationship with his/her clients.

In addition being judgemental is a barrier to listening. When the coach allows for his interpretations to be present, then the listening process will not for sure be successful. The quality of the service provided by the coach is affected. This will definitely sabotage the relationship between the coach and the client.

Another point to be mentioned is that if the client puts in mind the feedback of the coach he/she might be turned away .In other words, the client might refrain from saying things that he/she feel that the coach might disapprove of. In such a case the client is not connected with his/her real thoughts .In some cases the client might even look for the approval of the coach and would even change the truth.

In such a situation, the client will not be able to open up and will not be definitely looking for answers. On the contrary he/ she will shift his concentration to the coach which is just the opposite of what is required in a successful relationship.

As for the coach, allowing room for one’s own thoughts or experiences might also affect his/her judgment. When judging, the coach is no longer an observer. When, as a coach, you relate to your own experience when listening to a client’s story, your focus will shift away from the client. This means that you will not be able to serve the client well. You will be misled by your judgement. Here again the relationship is affected negatively and the coach is disconnected from the coachee. It is as if “You are trapped in a cage, racing inside that little exercise wheel, going nowhere. You need to find your way back to your client and reconnect” (3)

Finally, all the above implies that a judgemental coach is not the coach that a client aiming to move forward will look for. After all who would be looking for a coach that doesn’t put his/her client first? Deepak Chopra has an interesting quote about being judgemental: “Understand that when you are judging someone or something, you are assuming that you know everything there is to know to pass judgment, and that is impossible.”(5) It is a simple fact, but it says a lot. Nobody knows everything. It will be good to keep this truth in mind and maybe use it as a reminder to help us refrain from judging, not only in coaching.

Bibliography

1. How to Stop Being Judgmental: theunboundedspirit.com/nonjudgemental/ BY SOFO ARCHON
2. Child Care and Education, penny tassoni, Volume 2, Heinemann, 2007
3. Kimsey, House, Sandhal, Whitworth, 2011, Co-Active Coaching, third edition, Nicholas Brealey publishing, Boston London 4- warwick.ac.uk/services/ldc/personal/coach mentor/wcm/ethics/
4. Blog: http://intentblog.com/becoming-non-judgmental/

Introduction to the Art of Listening

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.”-Roy T. Bennett. Listening is more than just hearing and receiving messages. Listening is a functioning procedure by which we comprehend, evaluate, and how we respond to what we hear. Listening is the most important part of communication; holding a conversation in the business area or our social life is extremely important. This paper will include The components of listening, How we can become better listeners, why listening is important, and the challenges of listening. Listening has multiple elements that all play roles in the listening process.

The Four Pillars of Listening: Hearing, Understanding, Remembering, and Responding

Listening has multiple components, from Hearing and understanding to remembering and responding. Hearing is an incidental and programmed mind reaction to sound that requires no exertion. We are encompassed by sounds more often than not. For instance, we are acclimated to the sounds of clocks, garden trimmers, heater blowers, the shaking of pots and pans, etc. We hear those coincidental sounds and, except if we have the motivation to do else, we train ourselves to disregard them. We figure out how to sift through sounds that mean little to us, similarly as we decide to hear our ringing mobile phones and different sounds that are progressively essential to us. According to courses lumen learning, “Hearing is something most everyone does without even trying. It is a physiological response to sound waves moving through the air at up to 760 miles per hour”. Sound is all around us. Therefore, we are always hearing things no matter if we intend to hear it or not. Real-life examples of hearing things without paying attention to a sound would be ticking clocks, tapping of feet, and dripping faucets. Understanding is also a concept that coincides with listening. According to Lumen Learning, “ Understanding or comprehension is “shared meaning between parties in a communication transaction” and constitutes the first step in the listening process. This is the stage during which the listener determines the context and meanings of the words he or she hears”. Understanding is when you add meaning to the message received. In life we all understand messages one way or another, whether by listening to someone talk or through nonverbal communication like sign language.

Remembering is another stage in listening. Remembering is when you are able to recall messages or information received. According to Joseph DeVito, “However, even when you are listening attentively, some messages are more difficult than others to understand and remember. Highly complex messages that are filled with detail call for highly developed listening skills. Moreover, if something distracts your attention even for a moment, you could miss out on information that explains other new concepts you hear when you begin to listen fully again”. Remembering is not as easy as everyone expects it to be. We as humans have trouble sometimes with remembering, even the littlest things. In a real-life situation, for example, I remember one time I had to make spaghetti, but the recipe was read to me, and I did not have the recipe physically, so I had to remember it. I did fairly well, but the amount of information I received was most likely a lot for me to handle.

Strategies for Becoming a Better Listener

Responding is the last stage in listening. Being able to respond to someone after Hearing, understanding, and remembering what that person said all comes together in the responding stage. You have to hear what a person has to say to be able to understand, remember, to be able to respond to that person. According to Lumen Learning, “The responding stage is the stage of the listening process wherein the listener provides verbal and/or nonverbal reactions based on short- or long-term memory. Following the remembering stage, a listener can respond to what they hear either verbally or nonverbally. Nonverbal signals can include gestures such as nodding, making eye contact, tapping a pen, fidgeting, scratching or cocking their head, smiling, rolling their eyes, grimacing, or any other body language”. A real-life example of being able to respond is when someone is telling you something serious, and they need your feedback to help them make up their mind on a decision. The listener must be able to remember what the person said to respond in the way necessary for the situation the listener is in.

How can we all of us become better listeners? Being a good listener is an acquired skill that could take time to achieve. Active listening is a step in the right direction of becoming a better listener. According to Usip.org, “Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems”. Giving feedback will allow the other person to hear what you say about the situation. Some things to stay away from when trying to be a good listener is communication blockers. Knowledge Hut said, “A communication blocker can create a divide between people and impede effective communication flow. Communication blockers can create a loss of enthusiasm to communicate and can many times completely break the communication between people”. An example of communication blockers are “why” questions; they make people defensive. Advising is another communication blocker; this one is when you tell someone “what’s best for them”. There are plenty more including interrupting, quick reassurance, etc… Another good practice of how to be a good listener is critical thinking. According to Criticalthinking.org, “Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. Its exemplary form is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness”. Critical thinking is being able to see the problems at hand and find a solution to said problems. Also, you are able to make accurate judgments about specific topics. Whether it’s the components of listening or how to become a better listener, they share a main subject: communication and the importance of listening.

The Business Impact of Effective Listening

The importance of listening comes down to one thing: being able to communicate. The most vital area where listening is the most important in the business area.

According to Small Business, “Listening enables you to acquire facts so that you can make decisions that benefit your business. By listening to a job applicant in an interview, for example, you might discover his attitudes toward the profession, performance in previous jobs, and information not detailed on his resume. This additional insight can help you decide whether the applicant is a good fit for your company.”. In the business area, the importance of listening can also lead to building trust with other people. Another quote from Alchemy for managers is, “Good listening and skillful questioning give a powerful message to those with whom you interact. They hugely increase your capacity to influence, motivate, develop, or serve people effectively”. This quote tells how listening skills are important in building relationships and being able to give meaning to what you are saying so that people can have trust.

Challenges and Solutions in Listening

The challenges of listening are something that everyone can work on. People have tendencies to interrupt people, give unwanted advice, fill in gaps, etc… According to Skills You Need, “Even good listeners are often guilty of critically evaluating what is being said before fully understanding the message that the speaker is trying to communicate. The result is that assumptions are made, and conclusions reached about the speaker’s meaning that might be inaccurate. This and other types of ineffective listening leads to misunderstandings and a breakdown in communication”. A real-life example of this would be when someone is trying to have a conversation, and you start to cut them off, or when you fully do not let the other person say what they were going to say. Trying to listen to multiple conversations is a challenge of listening, because the more information you receive, the more likely you are not to remember what the conversations are about. According to Lumen Learning, “When people are upset about something and want to talk about it, their capacity to listen is greatly diminished. Trying to get your point across to a person trying to express a strong feeling will usually cause the other person to try even harder to recognize that emotion.

Conclusion: The Lifelong Journey of Listening

On the other hand, once people feel that their messages and feelings have been heard, they start to relax and have more attention available for listening”. This quote relates to listening challenges because when two people are having a serious conversation, the receiver should be ready to listen fully before interjecting their own opinions or thoughts so that the sender does not feel irritated at the receiver for not listening attentively. Another quote from Lumen Learning, “People want both: to be understood and acknowledged on the one hand, and to be approved and agreed with, on the other. With practice, you can learn to respond first with a simple acknowledgment. As you do this, you may find that, figuratively speaking, you can give your conversation partners half of what they want, even if you can’t give them all of what they want. In many conflict situations, that will be a giant step forward”. People are usually not fully open with just random people, even well-known people. We as humans have walls up, so that we do not give information out to random people who are not deserving of finding out this information.

Listening is such a crucial skill that is very hard to perfect, so no matter what, we all make mistakes and are always learning. Listening is a good skill to have because we use listening as a way to communicate. The topics in this paper were The components of listening, how we can become better listeners, why listening is important, and the challenges of listening. While writing this paper, I learned that we are always listening whether we like it or not. I also learned that patience and listening go hand in hand when communicating with someone.

Coaching is all about being real, real to oneself and to the client at the same time. It’s about this authentic relationship, neutral and non-judgmental communication process. It starts at the very essence of the coach emptying himself from himself.

“Everything in coaching hinges on listening – … Listening, then, is the gateway through which all the coaching passes.”1 Listening is an art; it’s not about letting sounds pass passively thru the ears. Instead, it’s an alive process between the coach and his client where the former actively listens at Level II, focused listening (listen to hear), noticing all the information being conveyed together with being aware of the coachee’s reaction to his response. Oftentimes, the coach can switch to listening at Level III, global listening (listen to understand), as he opens door to intuition, noticing not only the words but feeling emotions and sensing signals as well, in the context of the coachee’s entire surroundings.

A good listener listens between the lines, sparing their thinking, being attentive to what is being said, and being totally aware of the non-verbal implications as well. As Jalal El Din El Rumi said: “there’s a voice that doesn’t use words, listen”.

We as coaches, should take our listening skills to the next level. It is very essential that we give our full attention to the situation in hand, be ready to empty ourselves and be totally in the “here and now” in order to perceive things exactly the way they are. It’s like sitting next to our coachee and seeing the world thru their eyes, actively participating, with openness and a relaxed state of mind, flexible and alert to any changes to their state. This is practically how we become non-judgmental, and this is where a coaching session would be framed as successful.

“Non-judgmental listening means listening to understand. It involves putting your own views and values to one side and being careful not to criticize or judge the person who you are listening to. It means accepting them as a person and accepting the things that they are struggling with.”2

Being non-judgmental is one of the four pillars of coaching. In order to be a non-judgmental and an effective listener, a coach should not only use their ears but their eyes as well.

“There are actually ten principles of effective listening:

1. Stop talking: don’t talk, listen. Mark Twain once said: “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear”.
2. Prepare yourself to listen: relax, meditate
3. Put the speaker at ease: help the speaker to feel free to speak
4. Remove distractions: focus on what is being said
5. Empathize: try to understand the other’s point of view
6. Be patient: a pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.
7. Avoid personal prejudice: try to be impartial and do not become irritated by what the speaker is really saying.
8. Listen to the tone: volume and tone both add to what someone is saying
9. Listen for ideas not just words: get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces
10. Wait and watch for non-verbal communication: gestures, facial expressions, etc…”3

The coach is then responsible for creating this healthy environment, and only then, the client would be able (if willing) to open up and share more, be more at ease, and freely express their thoughts, ideas and emotions.

If we, as coaches, are in this equation to help others, empower them to believe in themselves, help them look forward to change and facilitate their growth and self-awareness, then our core coaching practice should be free from our own life experiences, beliefs, values and consequently free from any opinion about the coachee in question.

Coaching is about raising awareness, enabling the client to bring out the best in themselves, which is the driving key to growth, success, happiness and fulfillment. It’s never about evaluating the coachee, or comparing their values, beliefs or perceptions to ours. It is about them first and foremost, never about us. Hence, remaining neutral in a coaching session is pure self-management. It is the ability to be completely aware of the person in front of us, fully accepting them as a whole, with all the baggage they are dragging along, from their past and present experiences. Oftentimes, their values and beliefs differ from our own or from what is considered socially acceptable or even virtuous, nonetheless, we should strive to remain unbiased and non-judgmental. Our empathy is the first thing we absolutely need to offer them, and only then may they open the door for us.

As humans, our brain is constantly and automatically geared towards judging our surroundings, other individuals and things around us, labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, important or not, valid or invalid, useful or not, and so on and so forth… judgment is so deeply ingrained in our subconscious.

A coach is requested at all times to bring non-judgmental awareness to the coaching session; the more aware and mindful we are of jumping into conclusions and thus judging, the easier it becomes to avoid falling into that trap.

Non-judgmental communication means avoiding any form of blame or criticism, steering away from presumption and any form of auditory or visual impressions about how they sound and look, how they talk, how they are dressed, etc… Judgmental approach is harmful, it puts the client on edge, in a defensive mode and makes them close up on further talks as they may feel misunderstood. It blocks their way forward, impede their personal development, and discourage them from improving and taking initiative. Consequently, this will surely sabotage the continuity of a good and productive relationship, and may at some point bring it to an end.

As communication is roughly 7% spoken words, 38% pitch and tone of voice, and 55% body language (Mehrabian & Weiner, 1967), non-verbal cues alone, can convey a judgmental attitude. Listening to our clients with indifference, arms crossed and eyes glancing around, is sure to make them feel as though we’re being judgmental. Tone of voice as well can imply judgment. The same words with a different tone of voice can be understood differently.

“Leo Babauta, creator of Zen Habits, has identified a non-judgmental communication method he’s dubbed DUAL. Here are the four steps:

1. Don’t Pass Judgment – The first step involves analyzing your own thought process and becoming more self-aware. Over the span of a few days, make a note of any time you make an unwarranted judgment and what triggered it. This will help you recognize when it’s happening and correct the judgmental thinking.
2. Understand – Go into empathy mode, and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask questions and get more of a backstory so you can fully understand their thinking and actions.
3. Accept – This can be challenging, but it’s important to accept that others have a different way of thinking, usually because they’ve had different life experiences. Their values are not your values, and that’s okay.
4. Love–Once you’re able to accept the reality that everyone else is coming from a different perspective than you, try to embrace that notion. Focus on the value that comes from a person’s unique point of view.”4

While coaches have the right to select their clients, choosing then who to coach and who not to coach is an acceptable form of being judgmental. It is surely achievable to match with any client when you’re a wonderful coach, but it’s definitely more productive to concentrate on the coachee when the coach is comfortable and at ease during the session rather than trying to build rapport in order to make the best out of it; when a coach is relaxed, clients are more certain to cooperate and get better results. A coach with a matching client can be far more efficient in bringing their coachee closer towards their desired goals; their relationship would be smooth and naturally flowing.

“So, while being non-judgmental can be the kiss of death to your coaching practice, making the right kinds of judgments can give an ailing coaching practice the kiss of life.”5

To conclude, judgmental approach creates separation rather than unity. A coach is requested to come to a coaching session with one main goal: bringing out the best in the coachee, help them be on the right path towards their objectives and aspirations, and in line with their own beliefs and values. This is only achieved when a coach is relaxed, at ease, free from any prejudice or opinions, moods, thoughts or experiences, and able to deeply listen without engaging in their self-talk, avoiding to enforce change, but instead making space for change to happen.

Being totally in the present moment, a coach then becomes non-judgmental, allowing the coachee to reason, feel, open up and explore their options, and find their own answers which pave the way of transformation, with a clear, well defined and concise action plan to achieve their goals.

Listening to our coachee at the proper level, is at the same time a way to better understand ourselves, and a way to make them feel that they’re properly heard and understood and consequently not judged; this is a solid foundation for a healthy relationship which will not be sabotaged.

References & Bibliography

1. Co-active Coaching – Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl and Laura Whitworth
2. https://www.beawarebethere.org/what-can-you-do/non-judgemental-listening/
3. https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-principles.html
4. https://www.the1thing.com/blog/the-one-thing/mastering-nonjudgmental-communication
5. https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Being_Non-Judgmental_The_Kiss_Of_Death_For_your_coaching_ractice

Introduction to listening

Listening is one of the major skills that human possesses. Listening is required for us to gather information, understand it, enjoy it and also learn. Listening process can be defined as a form of process which involves a series of intellectual process that includes receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding. Listening is a very important process either in everyday life or in professional areas. Effective listening can contribute to proper communication. The more the chance of improving one’s grammar if they learn to listen before speaking it (Benson and Heilt,1978). Good listening is a key to an enjoyable conversation and compassionate commitment. Active listening is important to gather complete source of information and not being distracted by the surrounding around you (mindtools, 2012).

The process of listening is listed below:

1. Receiving messages. This process is very important as listening is incomplete without receiving any sort of messages. This stage is only about hearing message which can be both verbal and non-verbal.
2. Understanding. This stage is to learn and identify the meaning of message. Understanding message properly is very important as there will be many chances of mistakes if the messages are not understood properly.
3. Remembering. If you are unable to remember something that was said, it might be that you have not been listening effectively. Then the whole listening process is not completed.
4. Evaluating. The fourth stage of listening is evaluating where the received and remembered messages are important or not. Evaluation of the message can vary from one listener to another.
5. Responding. It is the fifth and final stage of listening process which can be interpreted as feedback. Listeners will provide formative and summative feedback to speaker as per their evaluation.

In professional situation, better listening is required to make work process easier and it also allows employees to understand their allocated assignments. The progress of employees is directly dependent to their listening ability. Effective listening makes them able to understand what the management expect from them and how they are performing (Harry weger,2014). The better the listening the chances of success are more in professional life. Good form of listening allows any member to build a strong relationship with their colleagues, managers, and clients. So, I believe I have told my supervisor about the entire scenario and ask for the feedback which is very important for me to deal with the customer in future.

The three benefits of effective listening in business are listed below:

1. It allows employees to understand their allocated work.
2. Effective listening reduces conflict in workplace.
3. Effective listening can also reduce the chances of mistakes.

The five ways to become a more effective listener are as follows:

1. Should always focus what speaker says.
2. You should raise questions to guide conversation.
3. You must be goal oriented and have desire to learn something.
4. Never interrupt and make noises.
5. Always be ready to give the speaker feedback.

Various barrier that can come in diverse workplace

Listening is directly affected by diversity in workplace. As diverse workplace results in diversity of language, culture and norms which can be a factor for affecting active listening. Every team member may not be able to communicate in proper way which will make them demotivated and they may not be able to give their 100% at work (Kent state university, 2016). This may also affect the way they converse, make decisions and how they approach conflict. It can be challenging to them. Sometimes the accent or the tone of voice can also affect listening. For example: in my work place I am Nepalese so its quite challenging for me to adopt Australian accent and speak freely and also I am not able to fully understand what they are speaking and what they want of me.

Constructive feedback

Feedback can be both negative and positive which provides information. Constructive feedback is important for any organisation to improve their work. The more the culture the more diverse pool of talent. Constructive feedback can be both praise and criticism. If the company is praising open organisational culture it means there is more chances of ideas, opinions and views which is great in aspect of solving conflict and conducting company’s work. However, open organisational culture includes various obstacles that includes cultural barriers, social tension, and civic separation. The company also must take too much talk, ideas from everyone and sometimes it can only result to confusion. For example: my company endures open culture and try to celebrate every culture which is sometimes very hard to adopt.

So, in this way organisational success depends upon constructive feedback.

Recommendations

In the above scenario, it was very important for me to take the complaints and present it to my supervisor so there would be no room for errors. However, it was all because of lack of effective listening. So, I must be able to improve my listening and approach to the problem in an effective way. As I did not put my voicing and opinions it made me uncomfortable. I need to approach my supervisor about the scenario and ask him for his feedback about the ways to solve the conflict with customer. I will have to approach my supervisor and offer him some solution.

Conclusion

Every workplace faces various challenges and with the challenges come solutions as well. So, effective listening is one of the solutions which can solve problem in workplace.

References

1. Goss, B., 1982. Listening as information processing. Communication Quarterly, 30(4), pp.304-307.
2. Castleberry, S.B. and Shepherd, C.D., 1993. Effective interpersonal listening and personal selling. Journal of Personal Selling & Sales Management, 13(1), pp.35-49.
3. Harrell, S.P. and Bond, M.A., 2006. Listening to diversity stories: Principles for practice in community research and action. American Journal of Community Psychology, 37(3-4), pp.365-376.
4. Rae, A.M. and Cochrane, D.K., 2008. Listening to students: How to make written assessment feedback useful. Active learning in higher education, 9(3), pp.217-230.

Listening Skills

Describe and discuss the merits of being non-judgmental rather than judgmental. Explain why being judgmental can sabotage a coach-client relationship.

Non-Judgmental Coaching

“Sometimes, all you need is someone who will listen. It is fortune enough to have people around you who hear you and not judge you.” This quote by Tara Estacaan highlights the importance of Listening as a cornerstone of effective communications and successful interpersonal engagements. While hearing is a physiological process, Listening is a cognitive one that can be acquired over time through multiple engagements and accumulated experiences. Coaches are recommended to adopt listening as a fundamental element of a successful coach-client relationship since it provides the coach a stronger understanding of the overall circumstances that are presented to him/ her and that the client is facing in order to formulate a stronger foundation for the engagement that benefits the client.

Successful coaches are committed to help their clients formulate a better understanding of the matter in question through an effective engagement in which the coach enables the client to come about with the appropriate analysis of his/ her case through facilitating the way the client reaches a state of conviction and happiness.

Without giving the client the room to express himself, through his personal analysis of facts and events that he is going through, the coach would be restricting the potential of the client to reach the desired objectives. When the coach gives the client the opportunity to brainstorm ideas and to analyze them in an interactive dialogue, he/ she allows the client to think of solutions and steers the process towards wide possibilities without guidance or influence from the coach’s side. When the coach is curious enough to dive deep in the reality of the client’s state, he/ she becomes a compassionate and supportive coach to the client rather than a judging person.

One of the key principles of coaching is for the coach to believe that the client is resourceful and possesses the required knowledge and experience to deal with the circumstances and facts and to analyze them. The International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as a “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process” where “coaches perceive the client as the expert in his/ her life and work.”

Establishing a partnership with the client, that is built on trust, opens up the potential for the coach to uncover the resources and knowledge that his/ her client possesses with an ultimate objective to serve the purpose of the client and to guide him/ her towards achieving his/ her success. With an open, dynamic and curious attitude, the coach listens to his/ her client and acknowledges the positive spirit of the client’s inner self and engages him/ her towards achieving growth and development through an interactive dialogue that creates self-awareness and leads to inspired solutions. Such a sophisticated engagement between the coach and the client, requires from the coach to continually build and improve his/ her competencies to achieve a state of mind that enlightens his/ her thought process towards effectively receiving the client’s considerations and concerns. Also successful and effective coaches are master listeners who employ all techniques and experiences to reach a better understanding of the client by practicing the deep listening skills during the coaching conversation in order to reach the thoughts and emotions that are left unspoken behind and between the words.

People come from diverse backgrounds and mentalities, which complicates the interactions and relationships among human beings, and at the same time this diversity brings richness and various perspectives into relationships and engagements. Hence, diversity should not be considered as a limitation in human and social interactions and on the contrary it should be capitalized on to improve the overall human constructive co-existence through the richness it brings to interactions and communications.

In the world of coaching, successful coaches capitalize on the individual’s uniqueness within the human diversity where this uniqueness should be leveraged as a tool to help the client deal with the surrounding ecosystem of the current circumstances and to overcome the associated challenges. A key factor in the success of coaching practices is to reach the harmony among the client mindset, his/ her own uniqueness, and the faced challenges. In the coaching engagement, the client seeks to be fully understood and accepted by having all the space to express his/ her inner self and concerns and by being well perceived and accepted by the coach. Successful coaches are the ones that stand by the client side to help him/ her create a transformation in his/ her life to move from the current state to the desired one.

One of the challenges that human beings face is to be understood by the counterpart. This challenge reflects on the ability of the person to be at peace with himself, to reach a greater degree of inner contentment and self-esteem to see the world with freedom from his own perspective, to connect with the others profoundly and to build high-trust relationships that last.

Successful coaches are good listeners for a reason. The definitive purpose of being a good listener is to be able to allow the client to tell his/ her story and to avoid anticipating his/ her decisions by being judgmental or portraying him/ her in a specific image that may not reflect his/ her own reality.

While listening with empathy and focusing on the person and the whole issue in hand, coaches ask powerful questions and approach the issue from multiple perspectives to ensure their full understanding of the client’s story. This approach helps the client identify the real issue and define how he/ she can contribute to finding the desired solutions by being challenged to adopt a new way of thinking. Successful coaches don’t respond immediately with judgments or solutions that come to their mind while coaching, instead they invest in this experience by coming up with more enquiries that can help in elaborating the story and showing the facts transparently.

People are naturally judgmental, where they tend to judge others from their skin color, their fashion style or even the way they talk and think. Being judgmental is a ordinary tendency in the life of people and happens naturally and sometimes implicitly without a clear effect on the other person behavior or attitude. In coaching practices, the tendency to be judgmental is a critical issue that should be carefully managed and avoided since it can have, in most of the cases, a negative impact on the client’s advancement process.

Judgments, whether they are negative or positive, have an adverse effect on the coaching process and tend unintentionally to deviate it from the desired objectives set by both the coach and the client. Judgments are obstacles that sabotage the harmony between the coach and the client, and they can only limit the level of communication and flow of information during the coaching session. Judgments are in fact barriers to the ultimate communication experience that the coaching session is aiming to reach. If the coach is busy building judgments and assuming solutions and results, he/ she will be distracted from the client’s overall input in the communication process. Judgments affect the listening level of the coach. In reality, coaches can never listen at a deep level of listening while being distracted by analyzing and building premature judgments on the client case. In fact, being judgmental contradicts with the coaching virtue and spirituality. When the coach becomes judgmental with the client, he/ she falls under the risk of driving the client towards conclusions that are not necessarily in line with what suits the client and satisfies his/ her aspirations. Judgments are usually built at a single moment, based on a specific idea or act that the coach concludes from the client.

What if the client was under the pressure of the moment or was not capable to elaborate on his/ her own perspective in a proper logic that reflect his/ her real point of view? In this case the coach is invited to probe for information and summarize the evidence he/ she receives in order to ask empowering questions and to push the client to express himself clearly and objectively. Judgment can occur during the coaching session despite the experience of the coach. It can happen to a newly practicing coach, and it also happens to a life time expert coach; the key to overcome this challenge is to build self-awareness and personal control. While coaching is non-judgmental in principle, being non-judgmental is not an overnight transformation or a simple skill to be learned. In fact the greatest coaches are always looking for new ways to highlight the importance of self-awareness on their inner-self and on the outer world. They understand that they cannot help clients find clarity on the journey ahead if they don’t have it themselves first.

Successful coaches are by nature honest and caring ones towards their clients. Coaches’ continuous efforts to be non-judgmental is a crucial success criteria not only throughout the specific coaching session but also throughout the entire coaching journey. The successful coaches are non-stop learners who believe they can never know enough about what they can do for their clients. They are constantly working with and testing new tools and techniques in order to improve their skills through trainings, seminars, case studies, researches and workshops. Successful coaches believe that the most valuable gift they would offer to the clients is to help them live their life to its fullest, based on their personal beliefs and values even when these beliefs and values are different from those of the coach.

Lou Holtz says: “your talent determines what you can do, your motivation determines how much you are willing to do, and your attitude determines how well you do it.” This is totally applicable in coaching where the talent of the coach and his/ her motivation is the key to his/ her success, but the coach attitude towards the case in question, determines the levels of coaching excellence and distinction that lead the coach to become a transformational and life-changing one for the client.

Effective communication in coaching results from a combination of various elements that the coach gathers from the client, that is not only limited to the direct responses received from the client but also extended to the body language, the attitude and the temper, the tonality of the voice, etc. This combination gives the coach the ability to uncover the hidden side of the situation that the client is passing through by performing deep analysis of the responses, events and information shared by the client in order to formulate an objective assessment of the situation and to avoid coming up with judgments. Coaching is a life journey that starts with a decision based on conviction and passion to the role a coach can undertake for the better of the society in general and for that of the individuals in particular. As mentioned above, successful coaches are non-stop learners in various fields and subjects, and they are in a permanent exploratory path both on their inner- self and on their educational level. What leads a coach in his/ her coaching practice is the intuition that is complemented by continuous learning and development. In the early stage of the coaching practice, new coaches may mix between their intuition and their judgments. However, through training, learning and development, and practical experiences, progress can be made towards being non-judgmental. Intuition is a precious talent in coaching that comes naturally from the coach’s clear-sightedness and discernment. On the contrary of judgment, intuition doesn’t require thinking, as it comes straight from the heart.

Successful coaches connect with their clients with an open mind and an open heart, and they believe that everyone has the right to be happy, and they support the individual’s freedom of choice. These coaches value the coaching objectives and to reach them they are keen to be non-judgmental when it comes to the client’s life, choices, goals, etc. If judgments happen, the role of the coach is to notice when they happen and to be able to establish the awareness to recognize each time judgments occur and to work on reducing their negative influence on the coaching process and to use this awareness and self-management positively and consciously. Successful coaches are the principals of their own work who manage their engagement with the client to ensure it is a balanced one that is characterized by being objective, non-judgmental and purposeful towards the ultimate positive impact on the life of the client.

Index/ Readings

1. Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl and Laura Whitworth (2011). Co-Active Coaching (Third Edition), Boston – USA.
2. Daniel Kahneman (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow, USA.
3. Noble Manhattan Coaching, Practitioner Coach Diploma. Course Modules: Listening and Questioning (2018).
4. Tara Estacaan and Lou Holtz Quotes (2019). Goodreads.com.