When you think about Christmas, you think about people getting together with their families, and celebrating. But not everyone has the ideal Christmas. I’m one of those people. It’s hard to celebrate Christmas with a family when you don’t have one. It’s been two years since I have seen my family alive.
It all started about two and a half years ago when my family and I planned to celebrate Christmas by going on a cruise. It was going to be amazing, we were going to Hawaii. My family was so caring and supportive. I miss that about them. I had a brother named Oliver, two sisters, Amelia and Charlotte, and my mom and dad. Now I have nothing.
Let’s rewind to two days before the cruise. We were all at home packing at the last minute like we always do, and I had told my family that I had some big news to share with them. Everyone looked at each other confused and then I told them that my husband, Noah, was having a baby! My mother and Amelia screamed with excitement so loudly. Charlotte, Joey, and my father congratulated me on the news. Mother asked questions endlessly, saying “How long have you known?” “Is it a boy or girl?” and “I’m going to be a grandma!”. I will never forget that day. We continued to pack while we sang and listened to Christmas music. After we were all done packing, we put our luggage into the car and drove to the airport. When we arrived we got our tickets, got on the plane, and headed for the United States, going to someplace called Los Angeles, California. Goodbye, London, and hello to the United States!
I have never been on a plane before and let me tell you it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. It made me feel like I was going to get sick. Or maybe that was the baby. As the plane ascended we all looked out of the window at the airport and buildings. Once we got above the clouds, we decided we should try to get some sleep since we’d be flying for about twelve hours. Every hour or two, I would be woken up by a crying baby on the plane, is this what my future was going to be like? Waking up every hour from a crying baby? While I was on the plane I had really started to think about having a baby and becoming a mother. It terrified me. I didn’t think I was cut out to be a mother and raise a child.
My mother always took care of my siblings and me, she worked hard and was there for all of us if we ever needed anything. She could cheer us up when we had a bad day and would tell us “It may be a rainy, cloudy day right now, but there is a life of sunny, warm days waiting for you later.” Mother always knew what to say. On the plane, my mom sat right next to me and she talked to me about my pregnancy. I had told her everything that Noah and I knew. We found out five months ago. We are having a girl. And we’re naming it Bridgit, after Noah’s mother. Noah’s mom had died of a heart attack last year. “Oh, that’s amazing. I’m going to have a granddaughter!”
The captain came onto the speaker and said “We are now landing in Los Angeles. Please put on your seatbelts.” We had all again looked out of the window and saw a sight that we had never seen before. It was winter and there was no snow. In London, there isn’t an inch of ground covered in snow.
Once we landed and got off the airplane, we got our luggage and went outside. It felt like it was one hundred degrees outside. We went to go find a cab, but they called it a taxi. Odd. After a couple of minutes, we finally found a cab to go in, we were now headed to the cruise ship!
We are now at the boarding dock and are about to get on! When we got on the boat we went to our rooms and unpacked. My mom, dad, sisters, brother, and I relaxed and went to sleep for a few hours. When we woke up, we went to supper. They had a buffet. I got fish and chips. I was so hungry. I got macaroni and cheese, strawberry jello, vanilla ice cream, two chicken strips, and green beans. And it was delicious. After supper, everyone went to their rooms to go to sleep.
The next day, we were going to go to Maui. On the ship was a pool and arcade games, so Charlotte and I went to play arcade games, Oliver and Dad went to get breakfast, and Amelia and Mom went to the pool. After we played some games, Charlotte and I went to get breakfast. When we were in line for breakfast, she said we had to talk, I said okay. I was trying to think of what she was going to tell me because she had a worried look on her face. She is only twenty-three years old, and she does have a boyfriend, Teddy, whom she has been dating for six years. Maybe she’s getting married. But she’s so young and is in college studying to become a neurologist. She doesn’t have time to worry about getting married. Once we finally sat down, I said: “Charlotte what do you have to tell me?” I will always remember what she had told me that morning. She said “Um… Margret, I-I” “What Charlotte? Say it already!” I interrupted. She continued “I’m also pregnant.” A shiver shot through my body. It felt as if the warm Hawaiian breeze turned sharp and cold. I wanted to scream, cry, and hug her all at the same time. I asked her if she was sure and she showed me a picture of three different pregnancy tests all proving that she was in fact pregnant. “Are you mad at me?” she questioned with a gloomy, regretful tone. “No, I’m just disappointed that you didn’t wait till you were married.” “I’m sorry Margret. I really am. But Teddy and I are ready for this.” I yelled, “How can you and Teddy be ready when I’m not even ready and I have a husband? You don’t even have that.” That was the last thing I ever said to her and I have always regretted it. I’d do anything to take that back and tell her that I love her.
Later that day, we went to Maui and went to the beach. It was beautiful, I never wanted to leave. The day was packed full of fun adventures. Like going scuba diving and seeing dolphins. Around nine o’clock all the passengers got back on the ship and started to get ready for supper. Tonight was the supper where people dress up all fancy since it’s Christmas Eve. The captain of the ship called everyone down for supper. Everyone was dressed so beautifully. For supper, they had every kind of seafood, and steaks as big as my face. Me and baby me were definitely going to eat that tonight. Once everyone was seated, this man stood up and shouted: “May I have everyone’s attention?” Everybody looked at him, and he said “Thank you. Now I am here with my beautiful girlfriend Laura.” He gestured for her to stand up with him and she did. He continued, “We have been together for almost six years, and I want to spend many many more years with you because these past six years have been the most amazing years of my life.” He got down on one knee and she began to tear up. “Will you make me the luckiest man to exist and marry me?” She cried out “Yes! Yes! Yes!” He put the ring on her finger and gave each other a kiss. I looked at Charlotte thinking “I wish that was her right now.” Charlotte looked at me heartbroken then quickly looked away. That night would be the last time that I would ever see my family- alive.
Around two in the morning, we were woken up by a loud thud. It sounded like the ship had hit something. Sirens started going off and people were screaming. Everyone rushed to get to the lifeboats and safety jackets. Amelia, Oliver, Charlotte, Mom, Dad, and I were rushing to get to a boat together when we were all split up in different directions. Going on a plane being the scariest thing I had ever experienced was a lie. This was the scariest thing ever. I had gotten onto a boat with an older lady and man, two children, a boy and girl, and a middle-aged woman and man. I think they were a family. And I was a stranger to them. I looked around at all of the other boats to see if I could find any of my family. But I couldn’t. As we floated in the warm ocean water, the waves began to grow bigger and stronger. Then that one wave, the biggest of them all, came over our boat and flipped us into the water. Struggling to get above the water I grabbed onto something, it was the boat, I thought I was going to be safe when I felt something grasp my ankle and pull me down. I kicked my arms and legs to free myself from what was holding me. I endlessly went above and below the water, gasping for air as I went up and holding my breath as I went down. Suddenly, whatever had been holding me down had let go and I swam upwards. I saw a lifeboat far away and swam as fast as I could to get to it. Once I did, I looked inside and saw my mother’s necklace and her phone, I was terrified. I got in the boat and grabbed the necklace and phone. I put my hand over my stomach talking to my baby and said what my mother always said to me, “It may be a rainy, cloudy day right now, but there is a life of sunny, warm days waiting for you later.” I kept repeating that to calm the baby and me.
By the time the sun had risen, I was getting close to something that looked like land. When I got closer to it I realized it was land and tried to get to it. I got out of the lifeboat, grabbed it, and swam to the land. After what seemed like an hour I finally got to the land. I dragged the boat far from the water so that it wouldn’t get washed away by the water. I took out my mother’s phone and tried to turn it on, but too much water had gotten into it. I laid the phone out so that it could dry out. I didn’t know what to do so I walked around the land to see if anyone was there. The land was small and there was no one to be found. I screamed for help the rest of the day but no one answered. I was all alone. And a stranger to this land. Merry Christmas to me.
On day two, I woke up on the scorching hot sand. I needed shelter, so I went around the island to gather leaves, food, and anything that could be useful. Hours later I came back with thick, smooth leaves, coconuts, bananas, rocks, and some branches. I spent all day trying to build a shelter. I had somehow constructed a decent shelter, with leaves on the ground, branches surrounding me, and leaves all around. I felt safer now.
Day three of being on this island. I tried to see if my mom’s phone would work but it didn’t. Just my luck. Today I would try to make food. I hadn’t eaten in three days. I needed to eat, not just for me but for my baby. I eat two of the bananas that I gathered yesterday. But I knew that wasn’t enough. So I looked for more food but couldn’t find any more.
Fast forward to many many days later. I’ve been out here for two years. And it’s just me out here. And now I mean only me. I lost the baby around six months ago. Probably from not eating enough, or not drinking enough. My mother’s phone started working a while ago but there’s no service in the middle of nowhere so I can’t call for help. I wish my last memory with my family would have been all happy and joyful. Instead, I was in an argument with Charlotte. All I can do out here is imagine happy things like maybe my family survived and is looking for me every day. Maybe Charlotte got married and had her baby. Maybe Mom and Dad retired and are living in the golden age. Maybe my family is alive and having the time of their life. Or maybe they didn’t survive or they were all alone somewhere like I am. When you’re all alone with just yourself and your thoughts all you have is your imagination and a lot of unpromising maybe’s.
I’ll probably stay here forever. Every day I say to myself what my mom said to us, “It may be a rainy, cloudy day right now, but there is a life of sunny, warm days waiting for you later.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. That’s all you can do when in my situation. Christmas used to be a day when my family and I got together and celebrated all the good times with each other. Now it’s just a day that my family disappeared. A day of sadness and despair. A day that I became a stranger to this island.