Category: Friendship

Friendship is perhaps the strongest bond that a person can ever wish for. Buddies are valuable for fruitful prosperity. The genuine underlying foundations of genuine companionship are trust and loyalty. If both of these are stronger, at that point no tempest can alter the bond of two or more companions. An individual meets numerous people on the route of life yet from these, solitary a portion of the people remain in one’s life for a long period. There would always be an individual in one’s life who assumes a significant job as a genuine friend in one’s life however by God’s purpose, Maybe I was quite fortunate as I have two of them. The discussion between the three of us consistently turned out to be equivalent regardless of the situation.

Friendship is no less than any charm in life. Meet Mandeep and Rishav, my best friends for almost 5 years. The length does not matter. We sit together, we eat together, we talk together, and every activity that fills us with joy. We used to persuade one another in every kind of job by being confident and making it seems like it would be beneficial for us. Persuasion is a process in which one influences others positively in order to change the person’s attitude or behavior towards an idea by a combination of speaking, writing, etc. We used to persuade each other toward successful well-being and a better life. Only true and best friends can do this for one another.

Furthermore, Numerous factors make our friendship interpersonal. For instance, familiarity, similarities between all of us, our cooperation, our love for one another, etc. interpersonal attraction can be defined as the optimistic feeling about any other person. As I used to stay positive to Mandeep and Rishav, it defines that I am having an interpersonal attraction to both of them. All of us have good interpersonal skills with strong and deep feelings for one another.

Friendship is all about helping one another when needed. Mandeep and Rishav help me in every situation. Once I was worried about my exam as I didn’t study and it was a so stressful situation. I asked Mandeep and Rishav to allow me to cheat in the exam from them. They both refused to do so. Instead of supporting me in cheating, they used to teach me the subject for the exam. I scored good the exam without doing any academic misconduct. In this context, they both showed altruism because they both did not have any benefit in teaching me by spending their precious time on teaching me. Altruism is showing prosocial behavior without thinking of what one can get in return for it. So, Mandeep and Rishav both showed altruism toward me.

In conclusion, the time spent with friends is the best in one’s life. Every relationship in this world was already decided by the god before one’s birth like parents, siblings, etc. but thanks to god that one can choose his/her best friend by own. Sometimes, there might be some conflicts between friends but we should understand and respect one another’s feelings and should take care of one another.

Friendship is described as a platonic relationship between two or more people. Ever taken a really good look at a female vs female friendship and male vs male friendship? The relationship between same-gender friendships is very similar however, the similarities are where they differ. When it comes to friendships they all start with shared interests, keeping in contact, joking around with one another, and even fighting.

When it comes to having a friend everyone wants them to know wants to be the loner without a person to confide in. Both male-male friendships and female-female friendships are made through shared activity. However, guys’ friendships are made through the bond of sports and video games and things like having the same name. Unlike the male-male friendship females like to be a lot more personal than males. Females like to have face interactions such as going on girls’ days and talking about things that they would not share with anyone no matter how discussing or invasive the topic can be.

When a friend moves one try’s to keep in contact, but everyone knows that as time goes by so does the friendship. Male-male friendships can last time and distance because guys have video games and they do not need to see someone or talk to them to maintain a friendship. Such as Andy Cheyenne’s fiancé is in the navy and was away for two years and his best friend Danny was busy with his life they only got to play the Xbox once in a while. When Andy came home the two acted like they were never separated. Whereas a female-female friendship does not stand the test of time. For example, Cheyenne and her best friend Valentina within two months of her moving to Virginia Beach went from texting each other every day all day to almost no contact.

Although both male-male friendships and female-female friendships jokes are something that happen it is inevitable. Nonetheless male-male jokes are more based on silly things and they tend to forget about it after the fact. They are also just-in-the-moment jokes girls are a lot more vindictive. Say that Cheyenne once did or said something embarrassing if they were surrounded by other friends Valentina would use said experience as a joke. Male-male friends are more likely to joke than females whereas ass females try to stay away from jokes when alone.

Fighting happens with everyone in all friendships it is unavoidable. Anyhow with male-male friendships when they get into a fight they get over it in a few days and will act like it never happened. Like when Andy and Danny got into a fight over a girl when they were younger they got into a fist fight and we over it a few days after the fact. Female-female friendships can end once they get into a fight it can be like World War III. Cheyenne once had a friend named Amy who like the same boy she dated spared crude rumors abound about one another they did not physically fight but they were never friends again.

Regardless of gender friendships is something that everyone needs. Whether it is someone who connected the two, staying in each other’s lives, taunting around, or having disagreements. We all need friends and we make new ones as we get older and we lose some. This is something that happens as we go through life. If a friend means a lot one will make it work no matter what interferes with the friendship.

Friendship is one of the greatest bonds that one can ever wish for. Friendship is one of the most precious things for successful well-being. A friend in need is a friend indeed. The real roots of true friendship are trust and honesty. If these two things are stronger, then no storm can alter the friendship of two friends. An individual meets many people along the way of life but from these, only some of the individuals stay in one’s life for a long time. There is at least a person in one’s life who plays a major role as a true friend in one’s life but for god’s sake, Maybe I am quite lucky because I have two of them. The conversation between the three of us always came out to be equal no matter what’s the case.

Friendship is no less than any magic in life. Meet Mandeep and Rishav, my best friends for almost 5 years. Actually, the length does not matter. We sit together, we eat together, we talk together, and every activity that fills us with joy. We persuade each other in every kind of job by being confident and making it seems like it would be beneficial for others. Persuasion is a process in which one influences others positively in order to change the person’s attitude or behavior toward an idea by the combination of speaking, writing, and many more. We use it to persuade each other toward successful well-being and a better life. Only true friends can do this for each other.

Furthermore, there are numerous factors that make our friendship interpersonal. For instance, familiarity, similarities between all of us, our cooperation with each other, our love for each other, etc. interpersonal attraction can be defined as the optimistic feeling about any other person. As I used to stay positive toward Mandeep and Rishav, it defines that I am having an interpersonal attraction to both of them. All of us have good interpersonal skills with strong and deep feelings for each other.

Friendship is all about helping each other in every kind of situation. Mandeep and Rishav always used to help me in all matters. Once I was worried a lot because of my exam because I didn’t study anything and it was so stressful situation for me. I asked Mandeep and Rishav to allow me to cheat on an exam from them. They both refused to do so. Instead of helping me in cheating, they used to teach me the subject that I didn’t study. I passed the exam with a good score and without any kind of cheating. In this context, they both showed altruism towards me because they both did not have any benefit in teaching me by spending their precious time on me. Altruism is showing prosocial behavior without thinking of what one can get in return for it. So they both showed altruism toward me.

A friend is a person that you have a good connection with. A person who supports you in everything that will do something good for you. Friendship can be found anywhere, at any time, and any place. It is shared by two or more people. They should have a great bond, care, and love for each other.

But not all friendship is true and will last forever. I remember my grade 10 adviser told us that not all people who smile at you is your friend. And I realized that there are different kinds of friendships that I have seen and experienced over the past years.

When I was in elementary, I have three girls’ best friends. We all have similarities in things that we like and things that we don’t like. We always have fun moments and conversations whenever we are all together. It was a strong relationship until graduation comes and we need to part ways. Not totally because we are all living in the same district. But we are all enrolled in different schools during high school. So, when we entered our first year, we all have different busy schedules. We rarely see each other, and we don’t usually talk that much unlike before. But it doesn’t affect our bond and our friendship. We all wanted to keep our friendship until we are all successful in our lives. And for that to make it happen, we always make sure that distance won’t destroy the four of us. I can see those squads from our batch were already gone, and I’m proud to say that I and my girls are still in a very good term until now. It was a good and true friendship for me indeed.

Jumping on my seventh-grade experience, I was very shy in my first month at school. So, I have no friends at all and most of my classmates are getting along together. But one time, a girl asked me if she can join me for my lunch. I automatically said yes, and we became close as days passed by. She started to call me some sweet endearment for a friend and told me that we were best friends. We’ve become comfortable with each other and I also started to become close as well with my other classmates. Unfortunately, when the first challenge to our friendship comes, we easily gave up. It was just a misunderstanding with her, she thought that I was distancing myself from her but the truth is I’m letting her get along with my other classmates cause I can see that she is more happy with them than with me. I apologized to her while not explaining my side and I’m still hoping for our friendship to get back. Sadly, we are already at the end of it and never got the chance to be close like we were before.

I still continue to socialize with others after that experience. That didn’t make me isolate myself from other people. And I learned from it that, in order to establish a good start of friendship is to always have communication to prevent misunderstanding.

I saw some people who will call you their “friend” but the only intention that they have is they want something from you because you are rich or smart. They take advantage of what you have. Some just wanted to know about your private life and talk about it behind your back. There is also some toxic friendship that includes peer pressure.

Years passed and now I already graduated from that school. I realized that I’ve gone through a lot of trial and error in friendship. I think I found true friendships with the people around me until today. Those people are the ones who helped me in my dark times and whenever I need someone to lean on. They understand and know me more than others. They never judged me, and instead, they help me grow more and learn from my failures. And I do the same with them.

Establishing a deep and true friendship is a process. It isn’t like an overnight dessert that you can eat the next day. In this process, you both need to be true to yourselves and accept each other’s flaws. A true friendship does not require material things. Most true friendships are unexpected, just like mine. And I always kept in mind that “Quality is much more important than quantity”.

The author of a novel must carefully consider their P.O.V. when selecting an audience for their narrative. The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas written by John Boyne is a poignant tale written in a third-person limited point of view. Boyne tells the story through the innocence of the naïve, 9yr old central character, Bruno. This novel has a readership, yet is clearly it is aimed at younger readers. Boyne states it is a fable- a morale-driven didactic narrative. By using a child’s perspective the author engages his audience and uses the text to teach about significant themes such as friendship, innocence and ignorance, race, and man’s inhumanity to man.

One of the significant themes John Boyne explored in this text was friendship and loyalty. John Boyne makes one essential point about friendship, that is enduring friendship is reliant on sacrifice. Bruno and Shmuel were both brought up in completely different worlds but share a mutual desire for companionship during a difficult and lonely time. In defiance of their remarkably different upbringings, Bruno and Shmuel create a very meaningful and strong friendship. As their friendship develops, it is tested on many occasions as the boys navigate their individual realities, “I won’t have anyone to talk to anymore”, Shmuel’s reaction here to Bruno leaving Auschwitz is super sad. Bruno’s one of the best things Shmuel has going in his life at this point. Bruno’s loyalty was tested many times throughout the text, Bruno’s home was initially in Berlin, and when she gets removed he extremely forgets his childhood friends. This is apparent as he can’t recall their names. Ultimately, the boys unknowingly march to their death hand in hand with no one in the world but each other.

Innocence and ignorance are other of the many themes John Boyne explores throughout the novel. Bruno and Shmuel share an almost common childlike innocence. Innocence is shown through two of the characters Bruno and Shmuel, since they both have their own understanding of Auschwitz and Germany, the reality is that Shmuel is a Jewish prisoner and has certainly seen horrific sights. On the other hand, Bruno is the son of a commander of the SS and is fiercely protected by his parents who don’t want him to see the reality of the Holocaust, and they go to great lengths to keep the details of Bruno’s father’s secret from him.” Despite the chaos that followed, Bruno found that he was still holding Shmuel’s hand in his own and nothing in the world would have persuaded him to let go” when Bruno crosses the boundary the author wanted to show the audience a sense of horror and empathy. Innocence reinforces the idea that hatred and prejudice are learned behaviors.

The theme of race is a major theme that is explored throughout the text. Race is everywhere in this novel since it was a major part of the Holocaust though there were many others, Jewish people were a primary target for the Nazis. In the novel, the defining difference between Bruno and Shmuel is that Shmuel is Jewish. ‘Who are all those people? And what are they all doing there?’ Bruno asks this question when he sees the prisoners for the first time on the other side of the fence. At this point in the novel, he does not know that the majority of them are Jews until close to the end of the novel

Since Hanna Moved Away

The theme of friendship is used in many literary mediums including poems. This essay will explore the theme of friendship through Judith Voirst’s poem ‘Since Hanna moved away.’ Voirst, an American writer, is perhaps best known for writing children’s literature. Through the experience of loss, the poet shows the reader the true value of friendship. The poet explores the theme of friendship through the clever use of poetic devices and figurative language.

The loss of a friendship can be devastating especially when a friendship is similar to the type of feeling felt by family. When a friend moves away the friendship alters even if you if you can keep in touch. Judith Voirst explores this loss in her poem ‘Since Hanna moved away,’ through repetition of the title phrase. At the end of every stanza, the title of the poem is repeated. The phrase ‘since Hanna moved away’ emphasizes clearly the loss felt by Voirst through repetition of the title page. The relationship between the author and Hanna is felt by the reader to be one that was strong and meaningful and therefore harder to live without. This was expressed by the line “it sure feels like that” in the opening stanza. Friendship is considered one of life’s joys and to lose such a close friendship can be a life-altering tragedy, at least for a short time Voirst explores this feeling of loss cleverly with her use of repetition.

True friendship is important in providing a person with a sense of wholeness and peace. Hanna was obviously a major part of the poet’s life and she is representative of all the joy and fun that life has to offer. Without Hanna, Voirst feels incomplete and the experiences are joyless and dreadful. The poet uses similes to express the displeasure and lack of joy felt since her friend Hanna moved away. The line “chocolate ice cream tastes like prunes” in the second stanza and the lines “flowers smell like halibut and “velvet feels like hay” in the third stanza are all clever comparisons of how life for the author has changed. The author draws comparisons with full sensory experiences of touch, taste, and smell, and how she has been impacted by her loss. Chocolate is not sweet and comforting, flowers not pleasant nor velvet soft. The author’s experiences of simple, everyday pleasures are now incomplete and joyless.

Judith Voirst’s poem explores the theme of friendship, including both the loss and value of friendship. This is achieved through effective use of poetic devices and figurative language which portrays the true pain she experienced after she lost her friend Hanna. The themes are important concepts to be explored and the way in which they are explored, appeals to a variety of the senses including touch, taste, and smell. This is important because of how we, as readers interpret them. Through an experience of loss, the poet shows the reader the true value of friendship.

For the past year, I have been experiencing the difficulties of maintaining a cross-sex friendship due to the other person being interested in more than a platonic friendship. This is my first experience in which I am content with nothing more than a platonic friendship. This relationship is one that I cherish, and hope to maintain as she is a great person but there might be ulterior motives motivating this friendship. The motivation behind our cross-sex friendship may be for her to gain sexual or romantic access, or perhaps is looking at this opportunity as an audition to climb out of the “friend zone”.

Over the course of the past year, I have viewed our friendship as a mutual alliance, as we treat each other with respect, mutual regard, emotional support, and loyalty to one another. I wasn’t quite sure if this relationship could work out as I have never had a cross-sex best friend but figured it was worth a shot. Heteronormative assumptions have socialized us to view men and women as romantic sexual partners. The correlation between negative attitudes, sexual attraction, and jealousy towards cross-sex friendships molded my personal beliefs about gender roles. This is a social construct I had mostly fed into until this opportunity arose and I decided to run with it.

The benefits of this friendship were fruitful in the way it proved productive. Our friendship is strong as we both have someone to seek advice from as well as having someone cheerful, positive, and fun to be around. We have mutual interests and spend quite a bit of our time together. We get to gain insight into the opposite sex, widen our friend groups, challenge media stereotypes, and promote equality. We share the same benefits this relationship has produced but our intentions aren’t the same. The romantic attraction may play a critical role in cultivating this friendship.

Maintenance strategies have become a big part of my arsenal of helpful hints. I mention attraction and interests in other people, as well as actively flirt with other people. Our mutual friends keep me in the loop and let me know that she appreciates the friendship but is hoping more will come out of it. This has led to some strain in our relationship as I don’t want to lead her on. She has told our mutual friends that I give her mixed signals but that was obviously not my intention.

One strategy I need to incorporate into our friendship is to maybe address the elephant in the room which may be sexual tension. The best way to go about this is to be open and honest. We need to be clear about boundaries, and let the chips fall where they may.

The idea that men and women can’t be friends is a bunch of hogwash and I plan on proving the naysayers wrong by actively working to improve our friendship. We as a society need to stop operating under this script. In a modern society where men and women have the same opportunities for friendship, we must appreciate these connections that enrich our lives.

Overall we have some maintenance behaviors to improve on and some boundaries to set in our quest to forge a long-lasting friendship. We are on the right track and I think this is just the start of a wonderful friendship.

Our society today is filled with people who will do anything to be famous and make money, but is it worth it if you are deceitful and lonely? When people come to fame and wealth they either inherit it or work toward their wealth, whether that is being diligent or unearned. With these pleasures come secrets, meretricious friends, false accusations, deceptions, and known mistakes. These characteristics can shape the reality of how so much wealth can affect a society. A great illustration of this is the book The Great Gatsby. In this book, Mr. Gatsby is seen as a wealthy man who has many friends, when in reality he ruins his friendships and is dishonest. Fitzgerald demonstrates how being dishonest can cause friends to repudiate their friendship(s).

Trust and honesty are two major factors that build a friendship. Gatsby broke these two building blocks of Nick and his relationship when he lied about his past. Mr. Gatsby tells Nick how he has inherited his money by saying, “My family all died and I came into a good deal of money” (Fitzgerald, 65). Then this lie caught up with Gatsby when he was telling Daisy how long it took him to save up enough money to buy his new house when he says, “It took me just three years to earn this money that bought it”(Fitzgerald, 90). Nick knows he is lying so he makes the remark “I thought you inherited your money”(Fitzgerald,90) calling Gatsby out, he comes back explaining how he lost it but now Nick is mysterious about Gatsby. Jay Gatsby had lied about his past to Nick, making Nick suspicious about what Gatsby has ever told him about his past. This also leads to Nick not fully believing that Gatsby is ever telling the truth. Right after Jay Gatsby is deceitful to Nick about his past, he then deceives him again when Nick asks him what kind of work he does Jay answers with “That’s my affair” before he realizes that it isn’t an appropriate reply”(Fitzgerald,90). Gatsby realized that he should have not replied with that answer because it is not explanatory and he knows it will make Nick more curious. All of this dishonesty ruined Nick and Gatsby’s friendship.

By being dishonest and untrustworthy it is hard to make friends. Gatsby lied to Nick more than once making Nick suspicious and curious not only about Gatsby’s past but including their relationship. Gatsby dies at the end of the book, most characters believe that his past has finally caught up with him and he deserves it. Fitzgerald centered his book The Great Gatsby around dishonesty and deception. Would you be friends with a wealthy and famous person even if that meant they were untrustworthy?

In the 19th century, the practice of romantic friendships was commonplace between both men and women. It was a different time which Leila J. Rupp details in her book, A Desired Past. Rupp explains, “Marriage might represent the union of two unlike halves, but intense, passionate relationships between two similar souls thrived in addition to and, for women, alongside marriage (Rupp, 43). I will seek to show that romantic friendships were very important in the lives of both men and women in the 19th century. In addition, I will show that the historical context at the time allowed for these friendships to develop and thrive.

First, I wanted to begin with a definition of a romantic friendship. A romantic friendship is characterized as a passionate, intense, loving, physically affectionate but not sexual relationship. These relationships could last from childhood through adolescence and through old age (Rupp, 1999, p. 38). Although it was not characterized as being sexual there were instances in which it could become so in romantic friendships involving both men and women.

The root of romantic friendships and their acceptance can be traced back to the industrialization of the 19th century. As Rupp states, there were key forces that led to romantic friendships the first being that the family became less central as an economic unit (Rupp, 1999, p. 40). This led to people having fewer children and the utilization of contraception and abortion. This made it harder for “guardians of sexual morality” to say that reproduction was the sole purpose of sexuality and removed an argument against nonreproductive sex acts engaged in by same-sex partners (Rupp, 1999, p. 40). This opened the door for the acceptance of romantic friendships between the same sexes.

Also fueling romantic friendships was economic and social separation. Men were working in the factories while most women stayed home doing things such as weaving and spinning. This served to foster an ideology regarding women and men with regard to their sexuality. Men were considered very sexual which was not a new concept. But a paradigm shift came about when it came to female sexuality. As Rupp states, “The double standard was nothing new, but traditionally women in Western society had been viewed as just as sexual as men-or even more so” (Rupp, 1999, p. 41). This view shifted in the 19th century as the conception that women were basically passionless and asexual become a widely held belief. This view along with the separation of economic and social activities encouraged the forming of same-sex romantic friendships and relationships.

When looking at these friendships between women they grew often out of “… female-controlled rituals” (Rupp, 1999, p. 45). These include birth and marriage and meetings in boarding school and college. These friendships at times became referred to as “Boston Marriages” in which two female friends decided against marriage and moved in together to start a life together As referenced before, romantic friendships between women came about in part due to the changing view of women’s nature. Instead of being seen as being just as sexual as men they were seen as emotional and essentially asexual. This allowed romantic friendships between women to thrive even though at a different point in time, say in modern times, it may have been viewed as a lesbian relationship.

Men also had romantic friendships but there were some noticeable differences within these relationships. Rupp explains that, unlike women who could live together in “Boston Marriages” and could sustain relationships into old age, there were different expectations for men. “…Society expected their friendship to change with adulthood and marriage because success in the middle-class male professional and business worlds called for competitive spirit quite at odds with such youthful devotion” (Rupp, 1999, p. 47). This indicates a different standard was set between women and men when it came to relations with the same sex.

Looking further into romantic friendships between men we can see that the bonds that formed between these men were different but just as deep as the ones formed between women. Rupp describes the story of Albert Dodd and Anthony Halsey who were in love and slept in the same bed (Rupp, 1999, p. 46). Albert referred to Anthony as his “adored Anthony,” “my most beloved of all,” and “so handsome” (Rupp, 1999, p. 46). Romantic friendships between men even appeared in print in Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. These instances indicated that romantic friendships between men and women were flourishing during this time. A time in which the term such as homosexual had not been coined yet to what in our current society may have been labeled.

Continuing the discussion regarding romantic friendships between men, these relationships could include kissing, hugging and even sharing a bed. Rupp states, that these actions “…could be done openly, with no self-consciousness, because these were expressions of emotional intimacy and not sexuality” (Rupp, 1999, p. 48). Even President Abraham Lincoln had engaged in a romantic friendship as he shared a bed with a man named Joshua Speed for 4 years. This has caused many in modern times to label the president as “gay.” But in the historical context of the 19th century, this would not be correct as male intimacy was understood in such as different way (Rupp, 1999, p. 48). We can not compare different eras but instead must understand them in the context of their times.

When it comes to further context regarding romantic friendships there were other factors at play. Not only that such romantic friendships were accepted by society, but they also had class undertones. According to Rupp, “The extended youth of middle-class men and the leisure of middle-class women played a central role in shaping romantic friendships, while the association of sexuality with working-class preserved the presumed asexuality of these relations” (Rupp, 1999, p. 50). So, two factors were at play here. First asexuality was afforded to these relationships due to sexuality being equated to the working class and not the middle class. This indicates a class divide in the understanding of sexuality. In addition, the extension of the youth of young men which they did not marry and the leisure of women who spent most of their time at home or in the company of women, contributed to the acceptance of these romantic friendships in the 19th century.

Romantic friendships were also multi-faceted in the aspect that at times they did include sexual aspects at time. Rupp details this in the re-telling of the romantic friendship between Thomas Jefferson Withers to James H. Hammond in letters in 1826. These letters included “forthright eroticism” in which Withers wrote, “and whether you yet have the extravagant delight of poking and punching a writhing Bedfellow with your long freshen pole-the exquisite touches of which I have often had the honor of feeling” (Rupp, 1999, p. 50). In this letter, Rupp states, “In any case, the Withers-Hammond letters throw into question the innocence of male love in the nineteenth century” (Rupp, 1999, p. 51). This indicated that romantic friendship was multi-faceted in many aspects. Although socially acceptable at the time as non-sexual friendships there were instances that blurred the line between friendship and relationship. This goes to the very core of the complicated nature of human sexuality.

This complicated nature of romantic friendships also applied to female friendships. As Rupp explains it was no surprise that there could be sexual aspects to these romantic friendships of men, as men were seen as inherently more sexual (Rupp, 1999, p. 51). But there were also documented instances where female romantic friendships also had a sexual component to them. A case of that was between two African american women, Addie Brown, and Rebecca Primus in the 1860s. Brown was a freeborn domestic servant while Primus was a schoolteacher, and they were able to form a relationship “…across the chasm of class” (Rupp, 1999, p. 51). This was notable as most romantic friendships of the time were between middle-class women with other middle-class women. But nonetheless, the two were able to form a deep bond of romantic friendship that had aspects that could be sexually construed. There was evidence of at least touching of breasts revealed by correspondence between the two (Rupp, 1999, p. 51). Addie also said she preferred Rebecca’s kisses to those of the African American head of the household where she worked (Rupp, 1999, p. 52). Addie longed to live with Rebecca but sadly it would never be as Addie reluctantly married and stopped her correspondence with Rebecca (Rupp, 1999, p. 53).

These past records of romantic friendships give the indication that romantic friendships were a very important part of many women’s and men’s life during the early 19th century. This was before the era when the word homosexual had been coined and the terms invert had become a concept. There was more freedom for men and women to pursue these friendships than in modern times and even later in the 19th century would have been a homosexual relationship. Absent of that, men and women were able to be in these friendships and form deep bonds between members of the same sex. These bonds were long-lasting, lasting until the span of life for many.

As we can see many factors shaped the phenomenon of romantic friendships in the 19th century. Increasingly industrialization, separation by class and economics, and leisure of middle-class women were all part of the historical contexts that led to romantic friendship development. Societies’ view of women as asexual emotionally also led to society’s acceptance of these relationships along with the extended youth of middle-class men. These relationships held great importance in the lives of many men and women in the 19th century and at their essence showed the ability for men and women to form deep bonds of affection and friendship with those of the same sex.

Relationships that a person forms with friends are necessary for one’s social integration because, without social interaction with others and the formation of friendships, one would not have the social skills needed to navigate the world and those around them. We know that girls and boys have a tendency to gravitate, especially at a young age, to friends of the same sex or gender presentation. However, heterosexual cross-sex friendships are likely to raise questions about the possibility of platonic relationships. These kinds of friendships beg the question of whether strictly platonic cross-sex friendships are able to exist and be satisfactory for each participant. Along with the possibility of a healthy, platonic relationship, I want to explore what positive and negative effects cross-sex friendships have on those involved, and also what variables affect the maintenance of positive and satisfactory friendships of this sort.

To identify factors relating to the quality of cross-sex friendships, we can look at Cum Kwing Cheung and Catherine McBride-Chang’s article Relations of Gender, Gender-Related Personality Characteristics, and Dating Status to Adolescents’ Cross-Sex Friendship Quality. This article discusses how instrumentality and expressivity are involved in the perceived quality of cross-sex friendships among adolescents. We learned about these two terms in lectures and how men are more instrumental (assertive, dominating, and rational) and women are more expressive (more emphasis on relationships, expressing feelings, and sensitivity The authors hypothesized that, due to our society’s socialization of boys and girls, adolescent girls may be more likely than boys to seek emotional closeness with cross-sex friends and that girls would be able to gain the benefits of help and security from male friends. It could also be assumed that boys would seek out friendships with girls to obtain a greater sense of closeness than with same-sex friends. Gender can be seen here connecting to the perceived benefits and rewards one would receive from a cross-sex friend that would differ from the rewards of a same-sex friend.

Participants in this study completed a questionnaire. To measure levels of expressivity and instrumentality participants were instructed to indicate on a 7-point Likert scale the extent to which 16 adjectives (8 relating strongly to instrumentality and 8 relating strongly to expressivity) best described them. To assess cross-sex friendship quality a version of the Friendship Qualities Scale was used by providing 23 questions relating to 5 different dimensions of friendship: companionship, closeness, help, security, and conflict (Cheung and McBride-Chang 60).

Results of this study showed partial support for the hypothesis that girls would report higher levels of companionship, closeness, help, security, and conflict in their cross-sex friendships over boys. The study found that compared to boys, girls only reported higher levels of help, security, and conflict. There didn’t appear to be significant gender differences in levels of companionship and closeness. Results for the hypotheses focused on instrumentality and expressivity found again only partial support. This study showed that instrumentality correlated to all five components of cross-sex friendship quality but expressivity was only a significant correlate of four, not including conflict (Cheung and McBride-Chang 65). Results of this study also contained some support for social role theory in that males tended to report more male-gendered expectations of instrumentality (strength and power) while females reported more female-gendered expectations of expressivity (help and security) (Cheung and McBride-Chang 66). Based on this study we can determine that parental investment as well as social role theory have an effect on the quality of cross-sex friendships in seeing that both instrumentality and expressivity correlated to both closeness and security among both genders in cross-sex friendships.

Michael Miller and Amanda Denes discuss parental investment and the socialization of perceived gender roles in their article Touch Attitudes in Cross-sex Friendships: We’re just friends. The idea from parental investment theory that men desire a number of mates in hopes of maximizing healthy offspring and women focus more on building a relationship with one mate who will provide care and protection may tell us more about differences in ways men and women form these friendships. They present their research in the form of an empirical literature review and findings from an online survey. In writing this review the authors hypothesized that male and female attitudes toward touch amongst cross-sex friends would vary in relation to parental investment theory.

This study collected data through an online survey. The research was gathered on two topics of cross-sex friendship touch: touch scales, and intimacy. Touch scales were measured using four of Brennan and colleagues’ seven scales of touch and these responses were used to determine participant’s attitudes toward different styles of touch (sexual, public, safe-haven touch) among cross-sex friends (Miller and Denes 315). Within the four scales, there were a number of questions (2-8) relating to each one and participants responded on a Likert scale of 1-7 to describe whether or not they agreed with the questions.

The findings of this study revealed that men have less desire for touch with women when they feel increasing intimacy, whereas women have more desire for touch with men along with the perceived increase in intimacy (Miller and Denes 318). This connects to ideas about parental investment in that men may retreat if they sense intimacy leading towards monogamy since the theory claims that men inherently desire multiple partners to facilitate a higher probability of offspring survival. Another supporting aspect of these findings in regard to parental investment theory is that men tend to be more aroused by touch in cross-sex friendships based on the theory’s emphasis on a male’s focus on mating with multiple partners (Miller and Denes 319).

In the article Relational Maintenance in Cross-Sex Friendships Characterized by Different Types of Romantic Intent by Laura K. Guerrero and Alana M. Chavez, the authors explore how romantic intention, biological sex, and uncertainty are associated with maintenance behavior in cross-sex friendships. In this study, college-age students were given a questionnaire that included different behaviors attributed to heterosexual cross-sex friendships (Guerrero and Chavez 344). These questions related to relational maintenance behaviors, friendship situations, relational uncertainty and sex, effects of friendship type, and associations between maintenance behavior and relational uncertainty.

The authors of this study concluded that compared to men, female respondents tended to report more emotional and instrumental support and positivity within cross-sex friendships (Guerrero and Chavez 348). Findings of this study support Cheung and McBride-Chang’s results relating to instrumentality and expressivity since females were more likely to receive more instrumental support from men and vice versa.

Heidi Reeder studied the impacts of gender role orientation on same and cross-sex friendship formation. In her article The Effect of Gender Role Orientation on Same and Cross-Sex Friendship Formation she found that gender role orientation does have an impact on cross-sex friendships. For the sake of my research, we will ignore her findings on same-sex friends, as I am only focused on the aspect of cross-sex friendships. She acknowledges that differently, gendered relationship rewards may have an effect on who can provide the most benefits for a specific gender.

The study on whether gender role orientation has an impact on the formation of same and cross-sex friendships was conducted by use of a questionnaire, consisting of several sections. The first used a version of the Bem Sex Role Inventory to measure traditional gender role orientation. The second part of the questionnaire assessed three variables: relative frequency of same and cross-sex friendship formation, preference for same or cross-sex friends, and closeness to same and cross-sex friends.

The results of this study found a correlation between gender role orientation and the inclination for cross-sex friendships. The study showed that more feminine people (either male or female) had a significantly higher percentage of female friends and that more masculine people had a higher percentage of male friends (Reeder 147). From these results, we can assume that feminine people seek out female friends and vice versa because people feel more comfortable engaging with someone with certain similarities. In class lectures, we learned about relationship rewards and Reeder relates this notion of rewards to cross-sex friendships saying that some people in cross-sex friendships believe that they gain greater benefits from these types of relationships over same-sex friendships. Connecting Reeder’s findings to Cheung and McBride-Chang’s theory of benefits and rewards, we can find similarities in cross-sex friendships gaining specific rewards from differently gendered individuals.

Reeder also found that gender role orientation affects the frequency in which individual forms cross-sex friendships and also that sex played a role in determining friendship closeness, noting that males and females alike tended to be closer to female friends. We could relate this to the socialization perspective since females tend to be higher in expressivity, both males and females find a greater sense of comfort among female friends. As Cheung and McBride-Chang pointed out, only females reported a sense of conflict within male friendships, therefore it can be assumed that overall, friendships with females tend to contain less conflict or negativity.

On the topic of platonic vs. romantic friendships, William Hart, John Adams, and Alexa Tullett from the University of Alabama conducted a study to determine the degree of platonic vs. intimate feelings within cross-sex friendships. The authors discuss multiple previous studies in which males and females share similar or varying beliefs regarding optimism for platonic cross-sex friendships. For their particular study, 418 undergrad students participated in the form of an online questionnaire, involving questions relating to perceptions of sexual interest within cross-sex friendships and whether males and females can “just be friends.”

Their results suggested that both males and females are similarly optimistic about the maintenance of a strictly platonic cross-sex friendship (Hart et al. 197). This study, like that of Cheung McBride-Chang and Reeder, determined that cross-sex friendships can appear to offer different benefits relating positively to instrumentality and expressivity (different perspectives, openness, security, closeness, etc.) (Hart et al. 197) and that oftentimes individuals would not want to complicate these types of benefits by involving the potentially complicated aspect of sexual intimacy. However, results did determine that 52% of respondents assumed that some aspect of cross-sex friendships involves sexual attraction (Hart et al. 198). This notion brings us again to parental investment, where either consciously or subconsciously, males and females seek out people of the opposite sex with the goal of expanding their genetic material.

Results from Cheung and McBride-Chang, Reeder, and Hart et al. all concluded that perceptions of benefits and rewards within cross-sex friendships help to formulate and maintain these types of relationships. In other words, people tend to seek out friendships with people they feel will offer some kind of specific benefit, for example, males offering security to females, and females offering the opportunity for more openness with males. Also relating to material from class lectures, perceptions of instrumentality and expressivity were a common theme throughout the discussion of cross-sex friendships. Hypotheses were supported with results demonstrating that both male-centered instrumentality and more female aspects of expressivity were both critical and also differently beneficial in certain circumstances between cross-sex friends. Theories of parental investment and social roles were identified in relation to cross-sex friends in that males and females have different approaches and needs when it comes to interacting with members of the opposite sex. These theories were supported by evidence of males remaining more open to sexual touch among cross-sex friends and females feeling more reserved and choosy about intimacy among male friends. In the lecture, we also discussed different perspectives, such as evolution and socialization, in relation to different topics. In regard to cross-sex friendships, these perspectives relate to the above-mentioned theories of how males and females respond differently to levels of intimacy among cross-sex friends.

In the 1998 film Living Out Loud, the characters Judith (Holly Hunter) and Pat (Danny DeVito) form an unlikely cross-sex friendship. It begins with both characters being lonely and sad, so they find mutual comfort in each other. However, as the movie progresses, one-sided romantic feelings arise on the part of Pat. He begins to develop more intimate feelings for Judith, who rejects his desire for intimacy. Pat’s forward expression of intimate feelings had a negative impact on their friendship. This movie was a good example of the delicate and complicated situation between heterosexual cross-sex friends.

Through these studies, we can identify a trend between the maintenance and quality of cross-sex friendships and expected gender norms. A common factor of cross-sex friendships was one of instrumentality and expressivity and the different benefits one can gain from having a friend who expresses more feminine or masculine qualities. Another notable factor was that of friendship rewards and benefits. Multiple studies concluded that one reason for the formation of cross-sex friendships is the perception of gaining different types of rewards based on the different gender of a friend. As these studies all had multiple research questions and hypotheses, it is difficult to narrow down to one specific conclusion about cross-sex friendships and we can clearly see the complexities that this type of relationship contains. However, we are able to determine that in some instances cross-sex friendships are capable of remaining platonic, and also that if mutual levels of intimacy were to arise, it could be to the benefit of the individuals within the friendship.