Category: Friendship

Introduction

Friendships are not automatic societal functions. Individuals do not just look at each other and decide to be friends. On the contrary, it is a gradual process that requires persons to interact with each other (even briefly) and depending on the messages they send out, the other party will know whether or not they can relate well.

In this regard, the process of making friends is by and large dependent on the communication between two individuals, communication which at times can be non-verbal. Various theories have been developed to help further understand how this communicative process that leads to the making of friends happens.

This essay shall analyze the theories that have been developed to help understand the process of human interaction leading to the making of friends. The theory of cultural dimensions shall be used to provide groundwork, before the other theories are introduced to the discussion.

In this paper, it is argued that different views of self and self-disclosure explain the difficulties international students face when they attempt to form intercultural friendships, therefore less intensity of cultural identification, openness of communication and finding individual similarity would enable both local and international students to form better intercultural friendships.

Geert Hofstedes theory

Among the theories that effectively analyzed cross-cultural psychology and cross-cultural communication is Geert Hofstedes theory of cultural dimensions. According to Hofstede, cultural values can be analyzed in four key dimensions. These are: power-distance, individualism-collectivism, uncertainty-avoidance and masculinity-femininity (Hofstede, Gert and Michael, 2010).

When analysing how individuals interact with each other using the power distance dimension, one looks at how closely individuals in different levels of authority interact with each other. In institutions that endorse low power distance, people regard each other as equals regardless of the difference in their spheres of influence.

On the other hand, in societies that promote a high power distance, less powerful individuals accept their position in the chain of command and acknowledge the strengths of their superiors in the hierarchy. In this regard, the theory does not focus on how the society distributes power, but instead on how people see the power differences.

When international students in Australia attempt to form intercultural relationships, the power distance dimension players a key role in determining their success rate. Australia, as a society endorses a high power distance, requiring individuals to first understand their position in social standings before they can try to initiate relationships with others.

In contrast, most of the international students come from countries that endorse a low power distance. For instance, in Tanzania, a very wealthy person will easily hold a discussion with his gate-keeper on the same platform as he would a member of parliament.

As such, an international student coming from such a background will find it difficult to appreciate that he cannot easily relate with others because they come from more privileged backgrounds.

The individualism-collectivism dimension explains how integrated a society is. In individualistic institutions, the achievements of individuals and their rights are given prominence over those of the entire set up. In collectivist societies, people conduct themselves primary as members of one cohesive entity.

In the quest for a better education and ultimately better livelihoods, many persons from the developing countries travel to the developed ones and join academic institutions. However, the difference in societal integration makes it difficult for them to adapt, particularly when it comes to making friends. In Australia, for example, the society is less close-knit compared to a country like Malawi.

In Malawi, individuals tend to live in huge extended families, with everything they do being for the good of the whole. A student from Malawi would find it difficult to understand why someone would prefer to have a meal alone.

This is because in Africa meals are shared and individuals are usually required to have some company while eating. In this regard, the student my end up joining an Australian native for a meal without welcome, assuming that the society is the same as that of his birth country, only to discover that his act came out as offensive.

The uncertainty-avoidance dimension focuses on an institutions tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty. In societies with a high uncertainty-avoidance index, people put all measures in place to avoid undesirable circumstances.

In low uncertainty-avoidance communities, individuals are more comfortable working in unstructured environments and they tend to deal with ambiguity when it presents instead of putting preventive measures in place (Ekeh, 1974). For instance, in some Asian communities, individuals believe that fate has a hand in everything and that any precautionary measures will be in vain if fate had other plans.

If you take a student who grew up in such an environment and put him in an Australian community where everything is pre-planned, with additional measures to deal with unexpected turns, he will find the environment restrictive.

For him/her to try and impose his/her traditions and beliefs will present him as pushy, further reducing his/her chances of making friends. In addition, their Australian counterparts may also be the intolerant to change hence distancing themselves from new friendships.

Each and every institution has a structured format governing the distribution of emotional roles between males and females. Cultures that can be described as masculine, value such traits as competitiveness, assertiveness, power, and materialism (Guerrero, 2007). In this regard, masculine setups place a huge difference in the roles that men and women bear, as well as the nature of their relationships.

In contrast, societies that are feminine them to put more value on relationships and the quality of life (Guerrero, 2007). These institutions allow men and women to have the same values and to bear an equal amount of responsibility. In addition, in feminine societies, men and women relate on the same level with each other.

When it comes to the process of making new friendships, the cultural background of international students determines how successful they will get. For example, in most Arabic setups and institutions, men are regarded as superior to women. These communities are very masculine and do not allow the two genders to freely interact. In Australia, on the other hand, men and women are treated as equals.

This principle applies in both formal and informal setups. As such, an Arabic lady attending an Australian college will shun from making apparent friendships with male students because her culture does not allow for such relationships. In the end, the lady might find herself completely isolated after word spreads around that she is not friendly.

Apart from Hofstede, there are a number of scholars that came up with theories that could be used to explain why international students find it difficult to make friends. These theories are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics and attachment styles (Miller, 2005). The four have been detailed below as per their application to the current discussion.

The Social Exchange Theory

The Social exchange theory was first published in the 1960s by George Homans. It was later picked up by scholars Richard Emerson and Peter Blau, who continued writing more on the theory (Blau, 1964). According to Homans, social change and stability is a process that calls for constant communication between the involved parties.

The social exchange theory posits that all relationships are based on a cost-benefit structure, where individuals look at the requirements they need to form a new relationship and then compare them with the rewards before making a decision. In this regard, the worth of a friendship can be defined as the difference between rewards and costs.

That is, Worth=Rewards-Costs

Where costs are: the time, money and effort that an individual commits to a relationship. Rewards on the other hand are the things that have a positive value on an individual and include things like acceptances, companionship and support (Spector, 2008).

When it comes to the process of making friendships, particularly for international students, their Australian counterparts have to look at the costs they will incur in sustaining the friendship. At times, individuals conclude that the international students will leave for their home countries at the end of their studies hence fail to see the point in making friends with people that will not be there for them.

Relational dialectics

Dialectic is a method of putting an end to a conflict between two individuals and it has a base in Indian and European philosophy. In relational dialectics, individuals bearing different opinions of a given situation raise their points of view and then discuss about out it, with the person with the most convincing stance convincing the other party to join him/her.

When it comes to the formation of relationships between individuals who hail from different cultural backgrounds, their initial contact brings their differing points of view at loggerheads. However, after some time of interacting with each other, they can manage to convince one another to drop certain elements of their beliefs and support new ones.

This results in the formation of new friendships. For instance, an international male student from Saudi Arabia, who comes from a culture that holds women as inferior humans to men, might find it difficult to hold socialization sessions with female Australian students.

However, if the Australian ladies sit with him and convince him that his beliefs are wrong, they might end up making a new friendship. Unfortunately, most people prefer to keep their distance once they notice that you are trying to put them down, hence making it difficult for international students to make friends.

Equity theory

The Equity theory was developed in 1963 by John Stacey Adams, in an attempt to explain how individuals perceive fairness and unfairness in the allocation of resources within relationships (Walster, Walster and Bershcheid, 1978).

Adams after an extensive study on interpersonal relationships came to the conclusion that individuals value institutions that value them. In his study, Adams confirmed that individuals regard their environment as equitable provided the ration of their input to the outcome was equivalent to that of other people around him. This was summed up in the formula below:

In the equation above, inputs are all the contribution that an individual makes to a relationship that will help him get rewards. These include: Time, effort, loyalty, commitment and determination. Outcomes, in the equation, are the consequences that result from a particular relationship as a result of an individual putting in the inputs and they include things like recognition, reputation and thanks.

In the process of making friendships, individuals hope that if they put in an equal amount of effort as their partners they should get similar benefits. International students find it difficult to make new friendships in Australia because unlike their counterparts who have grown up in the region, they have nowhere to start.

As such, they end up expecting to get the same popularity as the Australian students, only to feel cheated when this is not attained.

Attachment theory

The attachment theory was developed after the Second World War by psychiatrist John Bowlby. It posits that individuals who enter into any form of relationship do so for survival and security purposes. In this regard, individuals will tend to stay away from relationships that they cannot gain the two desires listed above from.

This theory applies in the case of International Students trying to make new friendships. This is because most of them tend to try and make friends to make their stay in the foreign country more bearable as well as get the security of someone to run to whenever they have problems.

There Australian counterparts also seek the same things in the friendship and once they realize that they are getting the shorter end of the stick, they opt to steer clear from such relationships.

Conclusion

This essay had set out to explain why international students find it difficult to make new friends. To this end, various theories have been analysed with their application to the current discussion well highlighted. It, however, should be noted that the discussion was not exhaustive because there are many other theories that were left out.

Reference List

Blau, Peter (1964). Exchange and power in social life. New York: Wiley.

Ekeh, Peter Palmer. (1974). Social exchange theory: the two traditions. London: Heinemann Educational

Guerrero, A. (2007). Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships, 2nd edition. New York: Sage Publications, Inc.

Hofstede, G., Gert H. & Michael M. (2010).Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Miller, Katherine (2005). Communication Theories. New York: McGraw Hill.

Spector, E. (2008). Industrial and Organizational Behavior. Hoboken, NJ:Wiley

Walster, E., Walster, W. & Bershcheid, E. (1978). Equity: Theory and Research. Brooklyn: Allyn and Bacon, Inc.

Even though there are such types of friends as romantic, childhood, and internet one, childhood friendship is the steadiest among these kinds.
Romantic friends form opposite-sex relations.
Having an opposite-sex friend presumes viewing things differently. Such friends broaden the field of ones interests. Male-female friendship may lead to a romance or end.
Childhood friends are good-old friends.
Childhood friendship occurs when a person is very young. Friends made during young age affect ones personality. Old friends are good friends.
Internet friends are for fun.
Internet friendship is widely spread in the contemporary world. Online buddies introduce diversity. Online friending can lead to frustrating circumstances.
Even though all three types of friendship are commonly encountered, the only unbreakable friendship may be built during young ages.

Introduction

All people are endowed with different temperaments since birth; thus, each of them builds different kinds of relations based on their streaks. Some tend to build a secure connection with others, whereas some prefer living a lonely life. Friendship is a special bond every person has and it has a significant impact on ones life. It exists on different levels ranging from a long-term, meaningful unity to the one that borders on romance. Understanding the diversity of friends ensures better society navigating and better connection-making (Barker). Even though there are such types of friends as romantic, childhood, and internet one, childhood friendship is the steadiest among these kinds.

Main body

The first type of friend typically represents a relationship between a male and a female and is called romantic or opposite-sex. Such friendship occurs based on similarity of interests or life circumstances but initially without any romantic connotations (Boyd). The main benefit of such relations is that one can always see things from the perspective of different sex (Boyd). For instance, a girl asking another girl about what guys would like to get as a gift on holiday is unlikely to get a definite answer, whereas a male friend may suggest a good option. Moreover, opposite-gender friends tend to supply each other with genuinely valuable pieces of advice.

Opposite-sex friendship enriches peoples lives and makes them more open-minded when they speak about feelings, ideas, or plans. About the diversity such people bring into someones life, it is necessary to mention that they introduce new activities and interests to ones daily routine (Boyd). Once they are acquainted with each others hobbies, they can explore new ones, thus, diversifying each others lives and enjoying the time spent together. For example, a twelve-year-old boy James, having a good friend Lacie, took up hip-hop classes after watching her performance in the competition.

One of the most arguable points is that modern society observes such a bond as romantic or even sexual. In such cases, when a couple of friends turns into a couple of lovers, are multiple, and there is nothing wrong unless they were not single. Some people think such friendship does not last forever due to the spectrum of feelings (Boyd). Indeed, there may be jealousy when one of the friends finds a partner, and a friendship can be ruined. Thus, opposite-sex relations may end up on a non-friendly note

The other type is called childhood friendship, as it tends to form at a young age. This relation typically occurs in the primary school or the neighborhood when there are many children around one, and they seek the ones with whom they could share common interests. While kids are young, it is easy for them to make a connection and to find a true friend (Derhally). Therefore, many people nowadays have those fellows they palled up with at a young age.

Childhood fellows are essential in everyones life as they implicitly influence peoples further becoming. They affect ones interests, tastes, values, and eventually, they introduce brand new phenomena in life (Derhally). For instance, a nine-year-old boy Tom never tried authentic spring rolls, and his Chinese friend from school named Chai invited him over to the traditional Chinese dinner. Since then, Tom has had a vast interest in Chinese culture, food, and lifestyle.

On the other hand, this kind of friendship tends to fade away when one graduates and moves to another city. Typically, the first year after the separation, childhood friends still contacts each other as often as possible. As time goes by, people find new friends, obtain new interests, perspectives, and do not call or text their school friends as often as they used to. However, when they see each other after a long time of separation, they recall good old times and communicate as if there was no distance between them (Derhally). They will always be curious about what has changed in their life and will always support one another.

Another type of friendship is immensely popular these days and is built throughout the Internet. With the advancement of technologies, many people obtained multiple profiles on social media either for fun or for communicating. Moreover, there are many applications deliberately created for a friend search. Those who are talkative would add hundreds of people to their friend list and may even become internet buddies.

Undoubtedly, the online fellowship may bring about diversity into ones routine. Firstly, the Internet covers the entire globe, so ones friend may live across the ocean (Pros and Cons of Online Friendships). It is a way one can learn about a new culture or even a language. What is more, online friends are likely to strike up a conversation in a more open manner than in real life. Because some people are quite shy, they can open up through online chatting. Finally, such friends profiles on social media may introduce new music, TV shows, or books to one as people tend to share their preferences with others.

On the contrary, internet friendship cannot wholly fulfill the social needs of a person. Usually, pen friends tend to chat most of the time, whereas the real connection creates a far better atmosphere (Pros and Cons of Online Friendships). Moreover, one cannot exclude the fact that the person pretends to be someone who they are not. Such situations occur more and more these days, and many people find themselves frustrated after figuring out the friendship was fake. Assuredly, a person may lose oneself due to plunging into this artificially created world and further avoid real-life communication.

Conclusion

To sum everything up, it seems reasonable to state that throughout the lifetime every person encounters different kinds of friendship: romantic, childhood, or internet. Despite the wide range of friendship types, one wants to find a good long-term friend who would always stand by ones side. Considering that romantic and internet friendships may not be worthy and may quickly come to an end, childhood friends are the ones to keep in touch with. These fellows are great to reminisce good-old times with, to discuss new plans or ideas, to share common interests, and, undoubtedly, they would always be supportive.

Works Cited

Barker, Eric. The 8 Kinds of Friendship You Need to Be Happy in Life. The Week, 2017. Web.

Boyd, Cara. This Is Far Superior to Friends with Benefits. Swipe Life, 2019. Web.

Derhally, Lena. The Importance of Childhood Friendships, and How to Nurture Them. The Washington Post, 2016. 

Pros and Cons of Online Friendships. AnydayGuide. 

Introduction

Humans are socially intertwined creatures whose psychological and physical health is dependent on relationships. Various studies, including Lu et al. (2021), suggest that an individuals mental and physical well-being depends on their social relations. The issue of friendship was explored by Aristotle more than 2300 years ago and highlighted three types of friendships: utility, pleasure, and virtue (Anderson & Fowers, 2019). Various studies by other authors have shown that people form friendships for different reasons. Some state that it is formed for voluntary, social relations, improved life satisfaction, diverse motives, and compatibility. Some of these views are contradictory, which shows a need for much research on the issue of friends. Therefore, this study will evaluate different friendship factors by using thematic analysis to code an interview and present the results. In addition, it will provide a detailed analysis of the finding and come up with a conclusion on friendship.

Literature Review

Different scholars have provided different definitions of friendships with varying motives. Bigby & Craig (2016) defines friendship as a voluntary action that requires much thought, attention, dedication and long-time commitment. The author shows this using a case study of two friends, Dorelle and Heather, based on mutual caring, reciprocity, and finding the good in each other. Heather had a severe intellectual disability, while Dorelle had self-confidence issues. However, out of their volunteer friendship, Heathers demonstrated improved quality of life and enhanced social dignity, which helped Dorelle change her negative self-perception about herself.

Another study visualises friendship as ongoing associations which lead to social relations and improved life satisfaction. According to a study by Amati et al. (2018), having social relationships beyond family is an essential source of support in times of need. Having good and supportive friends in life increase the overall life satisfaction of an individual. High-quality friendship includes intimacy, reciprocity and support from one another (Khullar et al., 2021). On the contrary, poor acquaintances are characterized by a lack of positive interactions, leading to anxiety. The importance of friendships in an individuals life cannot be underestimated; that is why individuals are encouraged to have friends with whom they socially relate.

Friendships can be based on diverse motives whereby the individuals do not have the same aims. People with different opinions or cultures can still engage in friendship. Research by Lu et al. (2021) showed that people from high-economic countries with higher levels of education and women emphasized friendships even though they were based on diverse ideas. In addition, culturally diverse people were found to have close friendships based on their diverse issues, especially people from high economies with those from low economies (Lu et al., 2021). However, this type of friendship is mainly based on exploitation, whereby one of the friends is likely to exploit the other. For instance, people from low economic backgrounds may use those from high economic economies by asking for financial support (Khullar et al., 2021). Despite the type of friendship people had, it was found that friendships lead to better health outcomes and well-being.

A contrary study suggests that friendship may thrive out of compatibility. It suggests that the love of a common thing causes friendship (Lim et al., 2020). People with common interests are likely to find it easy to get along compared to when they are of a different opinion. Unlike the previous study that showed friendship could be based on diversity, Laursens (2017) research found that friends avoid things that may provide dissimilarity to them. For instance, if two people are friends and one of them likes cinemas while the other does not, they are likely to avoid the dissimilarity by either both of them liking cinemas or avoiding cinemas. This shows that friends choose each other based on similarities and resemblances and influence each other to be the same (Laursen, 2017). This shows that similarity is an essential issue in friendship and significantly contributes to the type of friends. That is why people may have several friends based on the things they like. For instance, if a person likes horse riding and swimming, they are likely to have friends who like horse riding and other friends who like swimming too. This is because they have similarities in those events; otherwise, they are likely to influence their friends to join both sports.

Findings

One of the evident themes from the coding of data is desirable traits. According to the data, it was evident that people are likely to make friends with those who have good character traits and break relationships with those who have bad character traits. This study grouped good character traits as those desirable by someone, such as trust, honesty, kindness, and loyalty (Hoffmann et al., 2020). On the other hand, bad character traits were described as not desirable, such as being a bully, untrustworthy, and taking advantage of others (Hoffmann et al., 2020). In this case, Alexander shows how desirable traits made him make some of his current friends. I think the main aspect is trust, states Alexander when asked what friendship means to him. He goes on further and adds, Youve got to be able to rely on, implying that he needs someone with the desirable characteristics of trust.

Another desirable characteristic Alexander demonstrates for people to have friendship with him is kindness. He describes how his friend invited him over to the US and stayed at their home for three months without paying any bills. His mum would do anything to ensure that Alexanders stay in the US was comfortable, including ironing his clothes. I wasnt even allowed to pay anything, erm I had to battle to give them anything, and his mum actually did all my ironing and everything& states Alexander. This act of kindness made him have a stronger relationship with his friend because it was a desirable trait and proved to improve their social relationship (Amati et al., 2018). In another incident, Alexander narrates how he explained to his friend about a watch he saw at the store but could not purchase because he did not have enough money, and during his birthday, the friend got him the exact same watch as a gift. This was another act of kindness by his friend for Alexander, which strengthened their friendship.

On the other hand, Alexander has undesirable traits, making him drop some of his friends. For instance, he narrates one of his friends who was a bully and used to beat him with swords. He states, I think he had a mental problem I think because he used to make swords out of erm pieces of metal and everything and he used to have sword fights and not just playful, he would actually whack you, and he went absolutely ape and then whenever someone else. This made him angry and made Alexander cut his relationship with this friend. Although he had been friends with this bully, his undesirable character affected them (Kristjánsson, 2020). Although later the friend changed, the memories of his bad traits hindered Alexander from befriending him because he did not want to emulate them.

Another instance where Alexander left a friendship because of undesirable character was during the fall out with a friend who was mad at him because of a football match. Although he considers this a stupid action, Alexanders friend was mad at him because Manchester United had beaten Southampton in a football match. The friend no longer talked to him, so Alexander decided not to talk to him either. According to Lessard and Juvonen (2018), communication is essential in a relationship because as people talk, they share their emotions, feelings, views, and thoughts. However, Alexander did not know how to handle his friend without communication. This led to their fallout, and Alexander vowed never to talk to this friend again.

The other theme evident in this interview in creating friendship was the impact of the friendship. According to Aristotle, the impact of a friendship is essential in determining the period that the relationship will last (Pouwels et al., 2021). Friendships with mutual benefits are likely to last longer than those with one-sided benefits. When there is mutual benefit, there is no degree to which both friends will feel that they do not need each other (Pouwels et al., 2021). In addition, friendships with positive impacts are expected to last longer than those with negative impacts. This has been well demonstrated in the interview by Alexander defining his various friendships.

Alexanders acquaintanceship with his best friend is based on the fact that there is a positive impact. The two guys were studying together, which showed that they both benefitted from the friendship because they had shared goals. This shows that their friendship was beneficial and had positive motives (Xiao et al., 2020). In various instances, such as when Alexanders father passed, and he could not attend class, his friends would send him notes to revise what they had learned. It shows that their friendship had a positive impact on his academics, and that was the reason he valued those friends more. Mertika et al. (2020) aimed to find the particular characteristics of positive relationships. They found that all relationships at one point correlated to well-being differently. In addition, acquaintances want friendships that enhance their well-being by sharing positive events and moments, being emotional, and showing an attitude of interest (Mertika et al., 2020). Not at all, no, I just give them a bell& said Alexander to show that he did not have to push his friends to do stuff such as registration, getting booklets, and such stuff.

Another piece of evidence to prove that Alexanders relationship was based on positive effects was the emotional support he got from his friends when his father passed. Certain level, yeah, so there are some good friends there, and definitely since that with my dad, Ive er, theres been quite a bit of support there from them as well so, said Alexander. His friends gave him the much-needed emotional support when he desperately needed it. This is in line with Mertika et al. (2020), who stated that friendship with positive impacts has to show an attitude of interest and emotional engagement. Alexanders friends were free to talk about the issue of the suicide of his father, and this made him feel better. Theyve been absolutely fantastic, yeah& implying the emotional support they gave, which was helpful. Some of them were even surprised that Alexander was okay to talk about the issue of his fathers death, unlike how many people prefer to be left alone during such moments. However, their friendship made him feel comfortable, and he shared his emotional experiences with them, which indicates their friendships positive impact.

Before going to the camp, Alexander has engaged most of the people who will be on the camp in an attempt to be-friend them. This is because friendship will positively impact the camping experience (Kus Ambro~ et al., 2021). The more friends he has on the three-week camp, the more enjoyable the camp will be. He states, Im going on a trek afterwards from her New York to LA for three weeks which is camping and roughing it, and its gunna be fun and I found that er theyve got a blog space on their web page so I put on saying that Ive created a group in Facebook, you know lets get together, lets get to know each other as we are gunna spend three weeks with each other. This shows that Alexander is using utility friendship in this case, whereby he needs to create friends so that his camping experience in the USA will not be boring (Newman et al., 2018). Thus, he needs friendship for camping experiences; however, after the camping, he will no longer require the friendship anymore. This shows that Alexander needs friends during this experience to gain the positive impacts of camping with them.

On the contrary, Alexander has a habit of dropping friendships that negatively impact him. As stated in the Stigma theory, when people engage in violent friendships, it lead to a decrease in friends (Wallace & Ménard, 2016). These effects were more evident for females and people with a higher number of depressive symptoms (Wallace & Ménard, 2016). Victimization and violent experiences lead to negative impacts, such as a person being hurt physically or emotionally, and therefore most people are likely to drop friends who expose them to such dangers. This theory was demonstrated by Alexander when he had a violent friend who used swords on him. He exposed Alexander to the negative impacts of their friendship, and therefore Alexander had to stop the relationship. Alexander states, I think he had a mental problem I think because he used to make swords out of erm pieces of metal and everything and he used to have sword fights and not just playful, he would actually whack you& This was an indication that their friendship had more negative impacts than positive ones; therefore, he had to stop it.

When asked about his other friends at school, Alexander states that although he does not dislike people, there are some friends he dropped. From a deeper analysis, it was evident that he dropped them due to the negative impact they had on his life. Ive always been sort of erm bullied, I know when you erm, some of my friends you know took, I got taken advantage of, Im a nice guy, you know does everything for everyone, doesnt say no, and people took advantage of me& Alexander states. Newman et al. (2018) found that friends with negative impacts can affect a persons health by causing psychological scars, reinforcing their bad habits on the person, and might hinder a person from seeking mental help. Since Alexander was a nice person, he was taken advantage of and, in most cases, negatively impacted him. He felt that his junior life friends used him for their benefits, which irritated him. Therefore, he had to cut off these friends because they negatively influenced them.

The final theme in Alexanders interview is that he preferred the virtue type of friendship to utility and pleasure friendships. A virtue friendship is one in which both friends care for each others needs and involve social activities. Willian Bukowski wrote that a friendship is facilitated by appreciation or showing concern through honesty, generosity, authenticity, and kindness rather than perfection (Hoyos-Valdés, 2017). There are various instances where Alexander chooses friends based on virtue compared to utility and pleasure.

When asked what he considers essential in a friendship, he states that it is trust. I think the main aspect is trust. Although trust may be seen as a trait, in this context, Alexander uses it as an element of a virtuous relationship. He states that he needs someone he can trust and that he got his back when facing the other way. He hopes that his friendship with his best friend will last forever, meaning that whether he benefits or does not benefit from the friend, he will still maintain the friendship. This is a good sign of a virtuous relationship (Berg, 2020). The other two types of relationships are based on various mutual benefits; when they cease to exist, the friendship is over.

On the other hand, Alexander did not form relationships with people who did not have virtuous traits. He states, Quite a few times, erm sometimes I thought they were friends and they ended up being just people you couldnt trust, and I was lied to, or er yeah, in the end, bullied you and you know. However, after being lied to for some time, Alexander noticed that these friends were not virtuous and had to unfriend them. A friend is always a mirror of someone; therefore, if a friend has negative virtues, they are likely to influence the same to you (Apostolouberg et al., 2020). Friends are likely to influence each other to be the same since friendships are based on similarities. Thus, if a friend has bad virtues such as cheating, they are likely to influence their friends to cheat. Good friends base their friendship on acknowledgment and appreciation. Therefore, if friends become bullies or liars, they do not appreciate Alexanders honesty.

Conclusion

Humans must form social relationships to enhance their mental and physical well-being. However, some friendships, such as utility and pleasure friendships, may cause more harm than good to mental and physical health, which is why people choose friends wisely. Virtuous friendship is a fruitful friendship method because both individuals have each others interests in their hearts. According to the thematic analysis, there were three evident themes in forming relationships: desirable traits, the impact of friendship, and virtuous friendship. Alexander relied heavily on these virtues in choosing his friends, which shows that they are significant factors in ensuring long-term friendships.

References

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Friendship is an essential element of human life since it directly affects the range of communication and demonstrates a persons character. People usually consider a true friendship as one characterized by full reciprocity and willingness to help a friend in any circumstance. However, each person has a personal perception of friendship and expresses friendship to the extent of their abilities and desires. The friendship between Amir and Hassan is an example of a relationship where people are true friends but have slightly different perceptions of friendship.

True friendship is distinguished by ones willingness to help the other and, if necessary, to sacrifice. In this aspect, the conduct of the two is not necessarily symmetrical since friendship is voluntarily based. Hassan is portrayed as a true friend because, knowing about Amirs unfriendly actions, he maintained his friendship with him until the end of his life. Amir is not initially portrayed as a good friend in the contest of willingness to make difficult decisions.

In addition, his attitude toward Hassan during their childhood was rather negative due to his jealousy over his fathers attention and the difference in social status between them. Nevertheless, after learning the truth about his kinship with Hassan, Amir, to some extent, shows himself to be a true friend already with Hassans son by saving him and giving him a chance for a better life. Therefore, these characters are real friends, although their concept of friendship has a slightly different character.

Friendship is a complex concept since particular parameters do not define it. At the same time, a true friend is often distinguished by a willingness to act according to the interests of the other person without expecting reciprocity. Amir and Hassan, in this respect, are people who perceive friendship differently but are friends. Throughout the novel, Hassan demonstrates his friendship, and Amir can express his friendly feelings only towards Hassans son. Thus, the friendship of these characters is somewhat contradictory due to the significant difference in behavior and social conditions. However, the willingness to help a friend or his relative under challenging circumstances shows that this friendship is true.

Goal of the research

This research seeks to find the role of friendship in peoples development. The research is informed by the notion that human beings thrive well in good relationships established in the society. Such relationships serve to affirm, encourage, advice and promote ones self esteem. While childhood friendship may simply thrive around the children that a specific child spends time with, age allows people to make more deliberate choices in their adolescent or adulthood friends. Usually, adolescents will maintain friendship relations with peers with whom they share common interests. The same happens in adulthood.

Methodology

This research is based on a review of existing literature. Two research findings from two research studies were used in the literature review. The findings were analyzed and the results indicated in the research findings section hereunder.

Limitations

This methodology is limited in its scope because this research is based on the findings of the authors featured. Due to time limitations however, a quantitative survey could not be carried out and hence the survey opted to make optimal use of the literature review.

Literature review

Fingerman & Lang (2004) have written about personal relationship that people maintain in different phases in life. In their opinion, the nature of personal relationships that a person maintains accompany, set forth or hold back developmental progress (p. 9). According to these authors, friendships not only arise from individual growth, but are also important outcomes of the same. Some of the identified influences on friendship include life experiences, maturation and the social context that people base their friendship relationships on.

In some cases, friendships can transcend cultural, generational, regional or time boundaries especially if such are based on familial, cultural, societal or institutional context. Right from childhood, people have a never ending need to relate with other people. As one moves from one developmental stage to the other, the extent of their interaction with the bigger society widens. This explains why just a handful of childhood friends remain as lifelong friends. Others simply become distant memories only to be remembered occasionally when reminders such as photographs are seen. The process of making new friends is a never ending one. As Fingerman & Lang (2004) observe, every new phase in the life of a person opens a new door to make new friends. New workplaces mean that a person has to relate well with people working therein. They may not be intimate friendships, but they are necessary and essential for growth in the work place.

The friendship ties that people develop in a lifespan serve different purposes. Fingerman & Lang (2004) note that in the social world, social ties serve to provide people with entertainment, inspiration, encouragement and help. More to this people involved in such social ties make demands and also influence a persons evaluation of themselves as well as other people.

Investigating the significance of romantic friendship in adolescents, and the effect on development in adolescents, Bukowski et al. (1998) observe that friendship are multi-dimensional and thus more efforts should be dedicated to understanding the different perspectives in personal relationships.

Friendships can be differentiated according to the purpose they serve for people. In childhood friendship, it is merely an end by itself. As people grow older however factors such as recreation and companionship shape friendship. Others include guidance, help, care, validation and conflict resolution (Bukowski et al. 1998). To children, friendship formation is mainly influenced by family relations (Bukowski et al. 1998). According to these authors, parents play a moderating role in the friendship relationships that their children take up.

Research findings

Based on the review of literature above, this research established that friendship evolves at different points in a persons lifespan. As young children, most friends are bound together by social interests like playing together. Friendship among parents also always means that the children develop friendship based on the amount of time their parents spend time as families together. As children grow up however, they interact with many more people and eventually start making independent choices about their personal relationships.

In teenage and adulthood, Hartup & Stevens (1999) observe that friends serve to foster each others sense of well-being as well as self-esteem. In addition to socializing with one another, friends support each other especially when coping with different transitions in life. One of the notable similarities across many friendships is that friends like to engage in similar activities in a lifespan. There are friends whose friendship revolves around partying or leisure activities, while there are others who can support each other during different difficult phases that people go through in life (Fingerman & Lang, 1998). Older friends may like sitting in the parks watching the clouds and reminiscing about the past, younger friends may on the other hand enjoy participating in group activities, while little children may engage in play. Friendship among young couples may involve holding hands and taking walks.

According to Hartup & Stevens (1999), the type of friendship a person maintains depends on the intimacy, stableness and support offered in the relationships. The developmental consequences of friendship however depend entirely on the character of people that one chooses to keep as friends. Friendships can be classified depending on their effect on the people involved (negative or positive) and their cost-benefits (emotional support, coercion or intimacy).

This study also found out that though the relative knowledge of friendship and knowledge is limited, such relationship among children could provide an ideal environment for cognitive development in them. In children who just started school for example, their ability to develop close friendship with others may affect the quality of time they spend in school. This may also affect their sense of being acceptable and hence their self-esteem. Children who keep to them may not easily make friends, and this in turn may lead to self-esteem issues.

In older people, not all types of friendships are positive as highlighted by Bukowski et al (1998). Asynchronous or imbalanced friendships are some example of relationships that may not promote the well being or development of the two parties in a relationship. Just like in children, adulthood friends are believed to influence each other. This means that friends work together to facilitate each other in performing a specific task or handling an identified issue. This then suggests that if the influence in such friendships is not positive, no positive development can be attained from the relationship.

Some of the things that became apparent in the course of this study include the fact that friendship in the different phases in ones lifespan is voluntary. This means that relationships are initiated, maintained and terminated at the will of the involved parties.

How does the research relate to developmental psychology?

According to Fingerman & Lang (2004), relationships are considered development units because of the mutual influence that they have on the involved parties. In dyadic friendship relationships, continuity and change may be some of the things that friends may have to put up with over the years. As a result, friends know each other so well that they can comfortably ask each other for favors, understand each others moods and even go for long periods without communication and still are able to maintain their friendship. A growing friendship on the other hand requires the people involved to invest in politeness and time as they get to know each other. It is for the above named reasons that this study argue that friendship allows people involved in relationship to understand and even share each others emotion.

In children, teenagers as well as grown ups, the need to relate with others, learn and have fun are part of developmental psychology that is influenced by friends. One of the developmental phenomenal observed in different points in a persons lifespan is that as children grow to adolescence and adulthood, they tend to choose their friends according to shared interests, morals or principles. In adolescence, people who were friends in childhood will part ways if they do not share common interests anymore. The same happens to adolescent friends on adulthood. A persons ability to establish friendship relations beyond their immediate environment (e.g. with people from other cultures and regions) may improve their personal development potential through a deeper understanding with other people and hence improved ability to relate with people therein.

In conclusion, it is apparent that friendships form a basic development agenda in human development because man cannot survive in exclusivity. One needs to relate not only with family members well, but must also relate with friends and colleagues.

References

Bukowski, W.M, NewComb, A. F & Hartup, W.W. (1998). The Company they keep: Friendship in childhood and adolescence. Developmental Psychology 29(1), 255-263.

Fingerman, K.L & Lang, F. R. (2004). Growing Together: Personal relationships across the life span. Web.

Hartup, W.W. & Stevens, N. (1999). Friendships and adaptation across the life span. Current Directions in Psychological Science 8(3), 76-79.

THESIS: Friendship is a multi-faceted process that requires everyone be more attentive to needs of others; a good friend is one who less egoistic and selfish and more comprehensive and empathetic because a friend is not the one who had been given for another person from ones birth as parents and other members or family but a friend also becomes a family member, very close person who can feel ones emotions, understand ones needs, thoughts and desires.

A good friend never goes away, when you need help

No man is an island; therefore, interaction and friendship are the essential parts of human life. A person cannot live without interacting and live an exclusive life without other people. Being involved in many structures such as work, social life, political games, monetary system, facing many difficulties in life, the human mind requires someone who could help to relax, feel safe and comfortable with. Although everyone can comprehend and explain what it means to be a good friend, not many people can say they have a good friend or they are a good one.

Friendship is a complicated process that involves several people and various sides of their lives where a good friend is one who cares about needs of other people, who is ready to give all ones attention and forces to help a friend on different levels starting from simple to walk the dog, to share a place to live, to encourage a friend to improve ones life, changing job, traveling, getting married or, vice versa, divorcing.

Friendship is a multi-faceted process that requires everyone be more attentive to needs of others; a good friend is one who less egoistic and selfish and more comprehensive and empathetic because a friend is not the one who had been given for another person from ones birth as parents and other members or family but a friend also becomes a family member, very close person who can feel ones emotions, understand ones needs, thoughts and desires.

Friendship as a double-sided process based on honesty and confidence

Friends spend and make time for each other and often have each others backs through good and bad times. Everyone needs to have and maintain relationships with people outside of the common family unit to add diversity and support to the complete family structure. For instance, when my friend is ill I would come not just to visit him or her, I would spend all my time near to my friend, trying to help as much as possible.

True friendship is a process of non-stop movement that involves a special attitude towards one chosen by you as a friend. However, we should not consider friendship as work or duty. Being near to ill friends and supporting him or her, a good friend does not want to prove something because support cannot be an obligatory or, vice versa, such relationships would not be a real friendship. In a situation when a friend is ill, a good friend, as well as other family members, stays in a hospital, spending days and nights there. A good friend never goes away, when you need help.

Friendship is a process that involves several people; thus, as a double-sided process, friendship can be considered an exchange. You cannot use someone or require something from this person if you do not do the same.

For instance, I am going to apply to the university that my friend is interested to enter too. I already know about the intentions of my friend; however, a friend does not know about mines. In this situation, I consider my friend as a rival; however, he was honest with me. Should I tell him about the application? A good friend would not even reflect on this question because for a good one the answer is evident. A good friend would never betray or lie. Friendship requires honest attitude, compassion, and assurance that one can rely on ones friend.

Motivation and encouragement of a friend as one of the basic characteristics of a good friend

Another valuable basement of friendship is the motivation and encouragement of a friend. Thus, if my friend needs advice on how to improve his life or a good motivation for why he should move on, I must explain to him why his life should be improved, what is wrong and how we can develop the current situation. For instance, my friend is married to a girl who cannot understand his needs. Simply, their cultural backgrounds are completely different and they are unable to find the golden middle between two sides of their interests. As a good friend, I should help my friend to realize where to move. Thus, he and his wife could go to a marriage counselor and try to maintain and improve their marriage.

However, analyzing the peculiarities of this situation, we can find that divorce is only one solution because this marriage cannot be saved. In every situation, a good friend has to offer his or her help to find the most appropriate solution. Friends have to share their thoughts and plans. Although one should make decisions by oneself, a good friend who knows one better than other people can suggest better ideas and methods.

Friendship as a non-stop process of development requires a presence of such qualities as respect, compassion, honesty, and confidence that a friend would not betray, lie and go away in the case when he /she does not get the profit of this relationships. The crowning glory of a true and good friendship should be the ability to share in the good and the bad times. True friendship is an asset and should be nurtured and involved such characteristics as loyalty, trust, and learning how to help a friend in various situations.

Everyone needs friends but the question is why do we need friends? Whether we realize it or not, friends play a very important role in our lives. A friend is your support system away from your family. They are there through your sadness and happiness; they make the good times better and ease hard times. They are someone you can share your troubles, secrets, and joys with, who can understand your thoughts, feelings and help you when you need it the most. But in a world where technology is increasingly expanding, in which the Internet plays a major role in the lives of most people today, it has become easy for people to make friends online. The term friend has transformed into someone you only know through a screen. Although they bear some minor similarities, the differences between real life friends and online friends are profound.

A real-life friend can actually physically be there for you and with you. They know you better, they know every bit of you because you share experiences together in person. You can enjoy their company in real life. A real-life friend is there to comfort you with a hug when needed. You can spend time together, go to the park, go out to eat, go to the movies etc. It is easier to communicate and understand someone because everything can be said face to face. With face-to-face contact, you can communicate in a variety of ways, verbally, with your body language etc. When you talk to someone in person, you are able to read that person’s body language, facial expressions and listen to their vocal tone which helps you better understand them. For example, in a face-to-face conversation, you are able to understand someone’s message. If someone were to say, “I hate you!” in a high voice and throw up their hands, you would automatically be able to know your friend is upset at you by their verbal tone and volume, the way they look at you, and their body movement. Your friend could also be saying, “I hate you!” in loving, and jokingly way. In this case they would laugh, and smile after saying that. It is overall just easier to express your thoughts and feelings clearly. This also makes it easier to spot one’s true colors/ personality. When someone shows emotion, such as the expression on their face when you hangout, when they smile etc., their presence either makes you feel happy or sad. You learn about one’s personality through observing their emotional character when they are standing directly in front of you. At the end of the day, it’s not the words that make you connect with someone it’s how the person makes you feel. Therefore, you are able to realize if you like them as a person. It is easier to identify the truths and lies and perceive someone’s intentions because you can see their actions and emotional behavior up close. Real life friends are more transparent because their body language and actions speak more than their mouth, therefore it is harder for them to lie. For example, if someone stutters, their voice shakes, they can’t make eye contact with you, etc. In essence, it’s more obvious when someone isn’t being truthful because you can see them acting differently. Although there are many great things a real-life friend has to offer, making real life friends isn’t that easy. People in real life don’t always give you a chance. I think most of us can agree that we all have some prejudices and I think that is one thing that holds face to face friendships back. people often times look at someone and perceive them as not worthy because of first impressions. They walk by them and move on to different people without actually getting to know what the person is like. I think that is why real-life friendships are frustrating for most people because there are a lot of really nice people out there that could make an amazing friend for someone but instead others are hung up judging them. This makes it hard for some to make friends sometimes because they feel like they will be judged, labeled or turned down by first impressions. It is easier for someone to judge and turn you down when they can see you, what you look like, etc.

Online or in real life you have a friend to talk to when you need it. Both can be just as understanding, caring, and loving towards you. Although a virtual friend cannot physically comfort you, they can still talk and listen to you just as much as a real-life friend when you need to be heard out. Both can bring you happiness and make you feel better when you are down. They are there for you to share your troubles, secrets, and joys with. But just as much as a friend can be genuine, a friend can come and go real, or online. Both can lie and hide their true identity. Yes, obviously a friend online can hide their physical appearance and a friend in real life cannot, but a real-life friend can hide their true colors and not be honest with you. For instance, in person, a friend may hang out with you and pretend to like you but then go behind your back and say mean things, or spread absurd lies and gossip. A face-to-face friend can act like themselves when they are with you but then outside of spending time with, they can act different with others. Someone online friends can be a different person behind the screen, physically and emotionally. An online friend and a real-life friend can pretend to be someone they are not. You can’t always pick up on someone’s truthfulness no matter if you interact with them face to face or not.

It is often times easier to talk to people online. It may be easier for people who struggle with the pressure of real-life conversations and socially awkward. I myself am pretty shy in real life so sometimes it is difficult to make friends. I can understand why people turn to making friends on the Internet. it is so much easier to start a conversation, discuss real life problems, let out emotions, and say what you really feel and think with someone who will always listen and is just one click away. With online interactions you cannot right away judge or turn someone down based on their appearance. Your appearance doesn’t matter, you can any weight, any race, size, sex etc. People online are more likely to give you a chance because they meet your personality first. They meet who you are inside first and therefore, you are no longer known by what you look like, how you dress, how much money you have, how popular or awkward you are. Online friends give you a chance because they can’t judge the book by the cover in a sense.

An online friendship can be a genuine relationship, but of course it has its disadvantages. There are many potential dangers when it comes to online friends. There are strange people online. People’s personalities are often times different than real life. They may be lying to you for attention or exaggerating about their life to seem better, worse, or happier than you. It is easily for someone to lie about who they are because they don’t have to show their appearance. You can’t see the persons face when you’re talking to them therefore you don’t know for sure if someone is who they say they are. They could be an online predator, a murderer, rapist, pervert, scammer, even someone you know trying to play games and possibly get to you for all you know. You don’t know an online person’s agenda and intentions. You don’t know if they really do want someone to talk to or if they are trying to get something from you. Their motives may be bad. You just don’t know who you’re dealing with. Online friends can’t be there for you physically. We all sometimes need comforting and a hug or two. But an online friend can’t be there to hug you and show that they care for you. An online friend may be able to relate to you and understand your personal thoughts, feelings and point of view, but in real life they don’t know everything that is going on. They can only agree to what you think is bad through what you say. You can’t spend time with them, you can’t go do fun spontaneous activities or go on adventures, such as go to the beach, go bike riding, go bowling or even go on a walk to talk. FaceTime is one thing but you can’t make true memories. With an online friend, it can also be difficult to communicate and comprehend emotions without body language because you can’t perceive emotions through the screen. You can’t see the delivery of the words being said in a message. In a text there are no facial expressions, gestures, tone, body language, etc. for you to react to and understand. There may be emojis to show how someone feels but they aren’t always accurate. It also may be hard to put things into context when someone writes something because it’s hard to make out the true meaning of it. Is it sarcasm or is it a joke? For example, if your friend texted, “I hate you!”, you wouldn’t know if that person is joking or saying it in a meaningful matter.

It is important to recognize that although we can make friends online, online friends are different from real-life friends. A real-life friend knows you and can be there for you in person. They meet your exterior and interior. An online friend is so close, yet so far. They are digitized and can only be so much a part of your life. Sometimes all we need is someone to discuss our life problems with who is understanding and not biased, and whether that person is found in an online friend or real-life friend is completely up to you. An online friend or a real-life friend, sometimes friendships will change and grow apart. It is not fair to say that having online friends or real-life friends is better than the other, but there’s something irreplaceable about, real human contact.

Friendship can be described as a bond of mutual affection between two people. These people could form this connection through a variety of different ways. According to Aristotle, there are three types of friendships. These are utility friendships, pleasure friendships, and goodness friendships. Utility friendships focus on the self-interest of one, or both, of the individuals. Their main goal is not to become a lifelong partner, rather to benefit from the relationship. This could be through manipulation or flattery, but the goal remains the same, to get something in return for their time. Pleasure friendships are much more innocent than utility friendships but still very shallow. This relationship only exists so that one of the individuals can find enjoyment. This relationship does not allow for trust and support to form because the focus is more on the admiration and desire to be in the other’s company. The goodness relationship most closely resembles a romantic relationship because it is based on trust, generosity, and an appreciation of the other person for who they are.

These various types of friendships are not all inherently good or bad. In fact, they could even be expanded further by classifying individuals within each category by your depth of knowledge of the person, and how often you spend time with that person. For example, coworkers might have a utility friendship, even though they see each other almost daily and know a depth of information about each other. These coworkers know they must be cordial and professional within their environment, and both are working within a competitive field. Therefore, one of the coworkers may be using the relationship to learn as much as possible about their company and position. “Building relationships with your manager and coworkers is vital in order to maximize your chances of being hired full time.” ”Ask your manager to get coffee or lunch to discuss his or her career. Creating relationships through these types of informal meetings can have tremendous value in securing a full-time job and strengthening your professional network” (Fleischman, 2016). These people normally would not have such a strong connection outside of work but have formed a bond of necessity that has grown into a relationship.

All the relationship types are fluid and any one acquaintance can move from one to the other. In fact, most relationships go through stages of friendship. When people are first acquaintances, they share limited interaction, but these first interactions form the basic first impressions of how we view these people. When both parties share a common interest, whether that be platonic personality, shared activities, or a romantic connection, they begin to move into the middle stages of friendship. This is where people can begin to develop an emotional closeness to one another. During this time people are sharing interests, desires, and dreams, as well as see how well their own relationship rules match with the others. This is often where problems can arise. “Sometimes the biggest challenges for healthy relationships, whether it’s with a roommate, a romantic partner, a family member, or a professor, are different communication styles and unclear expectations” (Quinn-Szcesuil, 2013). This communication breakdown can lead a friendship to fall apart and people need to be mindful that they are being honest with the other people and airing their grievances. This gives the other party the opportunity to have an open dialogue and resolve the conflict before it becomes too much to deal with.

Why you should be friends with people who Cuss a lot according to psychologists:

Why does using a swear word make people feel better? Is cursing a sin? Nope. It’s just a way to take out your aggression. People who curse tend to be straight shooters who don’t care about anything. Psychologists say people who curse a lot possesses some commendable qualities. They are honest, expressive and more intelligent than others. Those who are proficient in curse words are more likely to have greater language fluency too. Swear words are so comfortable and natural that we really don’t feel ashamed of using them. As per psychologists, you should be friends with those who curse because they are different from the average people.

Genuine:

In conversation with those who swear a lot, psychologists asserted that they are more genuine people than those who are filtered. They are more likely to be telling the truth and explaining their real thoughts, emotions, and inner feelings. Experts say, swearing has a positive impact and is the best and only way to properly express your sentiments.

Real expressions:

You can be friends with people who curse a lot because their expressions are real. They don’t pretend in any situation. Honest conversation is far better than being somewhat socially indelicate at times. Cursing also broadens our register and makes us lively and interesting.

Reduce Stress:

Is swearing a bad thing? Nope, it’s not. If your friendship swear a lot, worry not! Recent research has shown that in some cases profanity provides a relief denied even to exercise. It is found that the enraged yelling raised the heart rate, which means that howling triggered a flight-or-flight response and make you feel cool. Also if you’re looking for a way to raise your pain tolerance in a time of need, you should not swear daily. Save it for the circumstances where it is necessary and appropriate.

Humor:

Swearing among friends can be quite hilarious. A slightly erotic conversation can be funny under the right circumstances. But it’s not okay to start dropping the fucking bombs at a burial. Expletives with a little humor can bring a lot of colors in a conversation.

Satisfaction:

If a person swears around you, it indicates that he is letting down his guard and trying to trust people. When you see people satisfied in your presence, your personal level of satisfaction also increases.

Social prohibition:

Rules are meant to be broken and it’s too much fun to break the social rules with your friends. Rebellious friends who are not fully seditious can be fantastic to hang out with.

No filter people:

People who have no filter are unaware of keeping their thoughts, emotions, and feelings inside them. They usually don’t think about the consequences and blurt out things that come to their mind. You can find a good friend in no filter people because they are the most real and honest persons. They hate to pretend. They are what they truly are. However, unfiltered people tend to be the most original people.

Obscenity versus crudity:

There is a big difference between being completely vulgar than peppering your vernacular with the occasional expletive. Look for the social cues if you are not sure about the line of your swearing level. Profanity shows a debasement of someone or something but you should have control over yourself.

Intelligence:

A study has found that those who cuss are more intelligent. The use of taboo language and swearing is often seen as a sign of intelligence. Canny people are more likely to swear than the dumb folks. They are more bold and confident. So start making your friends.

Education:

Profanity does not indicate that you are intelligent nor it indicates your educational level. It’s just an utterance of profane language.

A vivid vocabulary:

If someone has ever accused you of being less intelligent because you swear too much, don’t worry. The study has found that those who have a strong repertoire of swear words are more likely to have a richer vocabulary than the average people.

Your dictionary:

To have an expletive-filled dictionary means that you have an excellent grasp of languages. Your words indicate your vocabulary.

Inventiveness:

There is a link between cursing and creativity. Many of the individuals enjoy coming up with their inventions and creativity. Through cursing, they come up with their own mucky expressions and phrases.

Abhorrent language:

By all means, it’s an undeniable fact that the person loses his/her worth if he regularly curses others.

The Beginning of a Cherished Friendship

Our friendship was the type of friendship that everybody coveted. We always balanced each other out perfectly– if she was in, then I was yang. Nothing could ever come between us, or so I thought. If you had told me last year that our friendship would end, I would have laughed in your face. Well jokes on me, I guess, because now I’m sitting here writing about the end of our friendship.

Our roller coaster of a friendship started when I decided to turn around and smile at the girl sitting behind me in church six years ago. Although I didn’t know it then, she would become my extremely tall, smart, sweet, and caring friend. I was lucky to have met her. Our connection was almost immediate.

Challenges and Separation: The Test of Time

For a year, our train of friendship traveled down the same track. We assumed things would stay that way, but my car separated from hers when I was moved to a new age level in my youth group. The year I spent away from her had my car traveling further and further away from hers. We were reunited after that year though, and the following two years brought our train back on track.

The Strain of Distance and Misunderstandings

Those were truly the good old days, considering that the beginning of the end happened the next year when I was removed from her yet again. At first, I tried my hardest to keep in touch with her, but no matter how hard we tried, we kept drifting. By the time Christmas came around, we had drifted so much that she was no longer my friend. The warmth and love that once existed between us were mostly gone. We didn’t have any beef with each other though, I had never done anything to her and vice versa.

A Misguided Attempt to Help and Its Consequences

Until I made a big mistake. I was scrolling through Instagram when I noticed that Xuan Mai posted about harming herself. I got scared and messaged her sister, telling her what Xuan Mai posted. Xuan Mai didn’t expect me to do that, because at this point it had been months since we last talked.

She wasn’t happy that I did this either. She removed me from her life. It hurt me, especially because I didn’t understand why. I was just trying to make sure that she was safe.

Efforts to Reconnect and Resolve Misunderstandings

We didn’t interact again until we were forced to go camping together six months later. It was a summer camp for our youth group, and we were still avoiding each other. For some crazy reason, one that I still don’t know, Xuan Mai stopped avoiding me, like we just picked up where we left off and ignored the six months when we didn’t talk.

She wanted to talk casually, so I talked. She wanted hugs, so I hugged her. She wanted me to smile for her, so I smiled. I should’ve known that she was still upset. Camp came and went with no issues though, but I guess Xuan Mai couldn’t wait much longer to confront the issues in our friendship.

The Painful Decision to Part Ways

A month after camp, she told me, “Hey, guess we gotta talk again. To start off, I’m really sorry that I’ve been rude and just distant from you. I’m sorry that I caused you to want to harm yourself and I understand that you’ve been going through a lot. It was selfish of me to only think of myself and not consider your feelings.”

“I could say the same to you,” I sighed, “I was going to wait until Thieu Nhi started, but I’m really sorry that I messed up your relationship with your family and caused you to be isolated for six months. With what happened with your sister, it might be helpful if you sat down with her and talked about how you felt. I mean no problem can be solved without talking. Also with Anh John, that wasn’t really my fault because he chose to walk away, I didn’t force him to.”

Xuan Mai pinched the bridge of her nose, and said, “Look Bao Quynh, I already talked to my sister about this, and yeah I understand that Anh John is there to help you, but he shouldn’t have butted in.”

“Dude, did you even talk to him? Also, what did Anh John even butt into huh? Our lives? Our problems?” I snapped.

“Look, I’m cool if you wanna try to be friends again,” she said, “ it’s just you said earlier, that it’s too late to fix.”

“Did I really?” I asked, “Because I don’t remember saying that.”

“Okay dude, I understand that you’re not at your best,” Xuan Mai answered, “but you gotta cooperate with me.”

“I can’t promise you cooperation from me, Xuan Mai, because if I don’t agree with it then I’m not going to listen, I don’t work like that,” I told her.

She sighed and said, “So you’re admitting that you don’t want to be friends? It seems like that to me.”

“Okay no that isn’t what I mean, I meant that if I’m going to cooperate, then I’ll have to agree with whatever you want me to do.” I answered, “ If you’re saying that I have to cooperate with you, that’s just going to make me want to fight back!”

“I don’t want anything from you anymore, Bao Quynh. I just wanted to apologize and start trying to fix our friendship!” Xuan Mai told me.

I sighed, “Look, I need a little time okay? I mean, I do want to try and fix our friendship, but right now isn’t a good time. Things with my family are getting worse, and school is starting so my stress level is really high. I’m really sorry.”

After a few moments of silence, Xuan Mai looked at me and said, “I don’t know what you want, and from how you worded everything, it seems that you’ve kinda given up on us because there is so much weight on your shoulders. I personally think our friendship has gone toxic, and I’ve gone through this same pattern multiple times. Just constantly arguing with you and trying to make this work has been emotionally draining. ”

I stepped back and took a good look at her for the first time in months. Xuan Mai looked so sad and tired. I instantly felt guilty about telling her that I couldn’t help our friends and that I had bigger issues on my mind. I continued the way I was going through because I needed to tell her that I didn’t want to be friends anymore, I just didn’t know how to tell her.

“I’ve realized that I’ve given up, but it’s not because of the weight on my shoulders. That weight has always been bearable, even if it got me down sometimes. I gave up because I didn’t want to invest myself in something that could fall apart again. I’m really sorry but last time I gave so much of myself into our friendship that when it failed, it broke me. I don’t know if I can take the pain again, Xuan Mai.”

“You know what? I’m not an investment, and you lowkey just called me a dead weight.”, she answered, annoyance flashing in her eyes.

“You invest in every friendship that you have, and you really can’t build a friendship without putting a part of yourself into it. That’s basically what investing is.” I shot back.

“Okay look, the only reason I’m joking around and making this seem like nothing is because I’m tired. I’m tired of you arguing that I was basically a horrible friend and that I didn’t care. I totally agree with that, I was a bad friend. But you gotta stop reminding me that I’m partially the reason why you were depressed. And how you’re treating me right now? It hurts me a lot and it probably hurts you how I’m saying this poorly as well, but I’m burnt out. I can’t go on like this anymore. ” she angrily said back to me.

She expected me to be hurt, I expected it too, but I felt nothing. I just felt empty and I didn’t care what happened anymore. I wanted this friendship to end, I had expected it to be over in January. But Xuan Mai kept holding on, and I didn’t understand why.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, I did tell you that it would be better to do this after a little time has passed. If you didn’t want to hear about my family anymore, then why didn’t you just say so? It’s your choice now anyways. You can just say whatever you want, and I’ll go along with it.”, I whispered back to her. I was tired of this, and I didn’t want to fight anymore.

“You know what?” she said, clearly pissed with me, “I’m done. I don’t want to be part of this friendship anymore alright? Just hit me up when you sort out all your things. Have a good life bro.”

We then parted ways, avoiding each other as much as possible. I couldn’t avoid my guilt though, it just became worse as time went on. Night after night, I lay in bed, walking down memory lane, reliving every happy moment with Xuan Mai, and the bad ones. I couldn’t rest well knowing that I hurt Xuan Mai.

I spent three weeks stressing over her, constantly thinking about what I did to her, and I decided that I couldn’t live with the guilt, so I decided that I would try to apologize to her again, coming from a more sincere place this time. Anything that happened afterward would be up to her.

When I finally got a chance to talk to her after church, I walked up to her, my heart jumping like it was going to burst out of my chest, and asked, “Can I talk to you?”

She frowned but reluctantly agreed. We walked over to the cool, inviting shade underneath the trees. Xuan Mai started to speak, but my words came out in a rush, cutting her off.

“I’m really sorry that I told your sister when you didn’t want me to, and I shouldn’t have defended myself when you confronted me. I knew that I had done something wrong, but I still defended myself anyways. I truly hope that you will accept my apology, although I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

Deafening silence filled the air, and I sat there nervously fidgeting with the worn sleeves of my beloved hoodie. I couldn’t stand the silence anymore and tear through it with my sharp words.

“Are you really not going to answer me? Just sit here and stare at me?” I spat out, “Well fine then, I’ll just leave. You obviously don’t want to talk to me anyways.”

I turned on my heel and started rushing away when I heard from behind me, “Bao Quynh! Please wait!”

Reluctantly, I turned around, expecting the worst. Instead, I was greeted with her hand reaching out to me, pulling me from the depths of my anger, her grip gentler than the wind’s caress.

She sighed, “I would’ve said something right after you apologized if I had a heads up that you were going to apologize. I was just really shocked because after we argued, I thought that our friendship was over. My brain just couldn’t come up with any words at all. I’m really sorry.”

I searched her eyes to see if she was telling the truth, and the hope I saw rising in her eyes was like a new dawn coming after a bleak, dark night, it showed me that she was indeed telling the truth. I nodded silently, showing her that we were okay and that I understood, gave her a small smile, then walked away to rejoin my waiting family.

A Hopeful Reconciliation and the Path Forward

We’re well on our way to fixing our friendship now, step by step. We agreed that we would start from the beginning, from a fresh slate, and forget the past. It would be much better this way. Although I marvel at the progress we’ve made, I’m still wary of what we’re doing because I can never be sure that what happened before won’t happen again.

I truly hope that we have a future together and that this new version of us gets to bloom and thrive like we once did. I have a feeling that our friendship might never be as it was before, standing tall and proud, but it just might grow. It remains to be seen.