Although people promise to live happily in marriage, that is not the case in most marriages in the UAE (Magdy, 2014). For example, Dubai was shown to have about 3 daily cases of divorce in 2012, a figure that could imply a total of 1,129 divorce cases annually. It is even more worrying for Emiratis, who have been shown to contribute to 30% of divorce cases in the UAE (Pathak, 2013). Ten factors influence couples with regard to divorce trends in the region.
Infidelity is one of the major reasons why many marriages are ending. Poor communication has led many married people to misunderstand each other and terminate their marriages. Loss of jobs in the UAE has been contributing to high divorce rates, because couples cannot make ends meet. Spouses who have religious and cultural differences have high chances of separating in the region (Wikipedia, 2014). Pathak (2013) has also shown the following factors to be responsible for divorce:
The use of social media.
Sexual incompatibility.
Financial negligence.
Child rearing matters.
Unrealistic expectations.
Lack of marriage support systems.
The topic was chosen because it is essential to understand more about the factors that are threatening the marriage institution in the UAE.
Conjecture
The following list of questions would be used to explore the topic further:
In the UAE, why do people marry? Do they plan to get married for the purpose of procreation or companionship?
What is the age difference of the most people at the time they get married in the region?
What roles do partners play in preventing divorce cases? Are they actively or proactively engaged?
Could external factors such as the interference from in-laws be blamed for termination of marriages?
Hypothesis
Cultural differences, religious variations, age brackets and other factors contribute differently to divorce rates in the UAE.
Peer review
In order to gain insights about divorce issues in the UAE, I shared my thoughts and ideas with family members. They were instrumental because they gave comments regarding termination of marriages from their experiences. During courtship, lovers hardly have sufficient time to learn about the expectations of each other. They are either too busy with their occupations or they do not view expectations in the future as significant reasons that could negatively impact their marriages.
Thus, people marry and they learn about each other after a few months and/or years. Upon realising that a partner has different expectations and perceptions with regard to marriage, many spouses start behaving differently because they feel incompatible. Frustrations in life start emerging and spouses might choose diverse ways of ending them.
These could be being unfaithful, practising childcare negligence and being financially negligent. Ultimately, couples consider terminating their marriages because they cannot solve issues. Termination of marriages has different effects on spouses and children (Amato, 2000)
Methodology
The study would be carried out following clear steps in order to obtain results that would be relied upon in making conclusions. Four major steps would be adopted. First, a sample will be identified through sampling methods. Second, data will be collected from study participants through the use questionnaires. Third, the collected data will be analysed to obtain important results. Finally, conclusions will be made about the population based on the study findings.
The study will use the following factors as the independent variables: age brackets of marriage partners, religious variations, cultural differences, and other factors. Divorce rates will be the dependent variable. The study will not use a control group because it would be expected that there would be no perfect marriages based on religion, age differences of spouses and cultural variations. Thus, the independent variables will be used as the fixed variables because they will not be influenced by other factors.
Data will be collected using detailed questionnaires, which would aim at obtaining respondents’ information about marriage aspects, including age, religion, culture, and other essential factors. Three possible outcomes will be expected from the study. First, the study results might indicate that divorce cases are mainly caused by cultural differences.
Second, the study might reveal that spouses terminate their marriages due to cultural variations. The study findings could also indicate that divorce cases are mainly caused by age-related factors that affect marriages in different age brackets of spouses.
Evidence
Data representation
Data collected were organised and the results were presented in the form of graphs.
Causes of divorce
Divorce rates (in percentages)
Cultural differences
31%
Religious differences
29%
Age brackets
20%
Other factors
30%
Figure 1. A figure showing a summary of factors that contribute to divorces in the UAE.
Figure 2. A column bar chart showing the contributions of the various factors in divorce rates in the UAE.
Data analysis
The data analysed in the study provided important findings with regard to divorce issues. The four independent factors showed different levels of contributions to termination of marriages. Cultural differences were the leading factors that make married people separate. This could be because the UAE is open to the rest of the world and people from all regions of the world could meet and marry. These people characterised by distinct cultural variations, which influence spouses to end their marriages.
The cultural difference variable was closely followed by other factors (30%) while religious variations and age brackets were placed in the third and fourth positions respectively. Other factors are those issues that were not captured by the questionnaire and they could be infidelity, loss of job, financial negligence, and childcare negligence, among others. The hypothesis that was formulated in the study was supported by the study findings.
Conclusion
Based on the results, it can be concluded that divorce cases in the UAE are mainly caused by cultural variations of spouses. The other three main aspects that lead to termination of marriages include religious differences, age brackets and other factors.
Reflection
The study was characterised by some strengths and limitations. Some of the strengths included the following: flexibility with regard to scheduling, cost effectiveness, relatively high chances of objectivity, ease of quantification, and ability to test a hypothesis. Some of the limitations of the study included low level of validity and a high probability of misinterpreting emotions from respondents.
It was difficult to make a decision about the specific type of data collection tool to be used in the experiment. In addition, it was not easy to decide about the specific sample size and how the sample could be identified in the population. In order to improve the results of the study in the future, a bigger sample size, more independent variables and statistical tests should be used.
References
Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of marriage and family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
Magdy, S. (2014). Reasons your marriages are insecure in UAE!. Web.
Pathak, S. (2013). 10 reasons why UAE marriages fail – Rising divorce rate among expats and Emiratis worries counselors. Web.
The divorce of parents is, perhaps, the most devastating thing that children are made to go through at a tender age. Children, who had been used to being attended by both their parents, and being close to both their parents suffer a lot of inconveniences and heartbreak after their parents become divorced.
The inconveniences are mostly the fact that they no longer see the other parent as frequently as they used to, and they do not see their parents spending time together. In other cases, the children may be left to live life at a lower financial level than they did with both parents. This paper is an analysis of an article on the effects of divorce in children.
Critical review of article
This article made me aware of a number of facts I either did not know, or facts that I have been ignorant about. For example, the stated fact that after the end of the Second World War, there was an increase in the rates of divorce, which was followed by a decrease in the rates of divorce shortly after. It is also stated that divorce rates were high in the 60’s and 70’s, and that they declined in the 80’s (Chowdhry 1).
This information has helped in changing one misconception about marriage I have held for long. This is the misconception that divorce rates are always increasing with time. I also did not know that some young children may end up, genuinely, blaming themselves for the divorce of their parents. This is, perhaps, a point that has helped to make me realize just how devastating a divorce can be to the children.
There are a number of points on which I tend to differ with the writer. The writer mentions that after the divorce of their parents, adolescents become depressed and start abusing drugs (Chowdhry 1). It is true that adolescents become irresponsible after the divorce of their parents, and thus some adolescents may actually become drug addicts.
However, different adolescents have different response mechanisms. Some may just become overly defensive without using drugs while others may start disobeying their parents in other ways. With this argument, it is apparent that not all divorce cases make adolescents to use drugs.
One of the things that the writer has missed out in her article is the fact that a divorce does not necessarily lead to children living with their mother. This is an important point to note, especially because of the custody battles that occur after a divorce. The parents may engage in court cases whereby they battle over the custody of their children.
If the children become aware of this custody battle, they will indubitably be affected. Cases where the father ends up being in custody of the children have not been adequately exploited. In such cases, fathers may remarry bringing more problems to the children.
Also missing in the discussion is an explanation of the discussed historical dynamics of divorce rates. The writer mentions that divorce rates were high after WW2, in the 70’s and in the 60’s, and low in the 80’s but there is no explanation for the reasons behind this. This lack of substantiation leaves the reader in suspense, not knowing what to make of the changes in the divorce rates mentioned.
Conclusion
As evidenced in the discussion above, divorce is a very devastating occurrence for children of the divorced. Therefore, any couple intending to become divorced should ensure that they consider several ways in which they can mitigate the effects that their divorce will have on their children. This way, the effects of the divorce on the children will be minimal, and children can continue with their normal lives after the divorce.
Works Cited
Chowdhry, Meera. “Effects of Divorce on Children”. 2002. Web.
It would be easier to look at the bigger picture when certain issues are under scrutiny. In fact, human beings have the tendency to blame an unrelated fact for problems they face. The fingers are always pointed to unpleasant weather, traffic, or a terrible morning, but when we think about it, there are a lot of things more reasonable to blame. The daily news on television always celebrates the president’s acts and shows updates on the war on Iraq and politics. The focus of the media is on the famous people of the country and irrelevant issues to the general public, such as murders and other useless information. Have we heard yet of the little but important things such as the reason why there are murderers out there, why such violence exists, or why the most important issue facing America today is divorce? It may seem that the issue of divorce is not significant for a first-world nation, but statistics and facts show that it is.
The family is the basic unit of the society that contributes to its make-up. The main victims of divorce are the children and neither the parents. A child’s growth, as directed by the parents’ teachings, affects his attitude, perspective, and dictates what he becomes in the future. To have the chance to live in a house with both parents intact gives the child holistic development emotionally and behaviorally. Fagan and Rector stated clearly that children coming from broken families do poorly in school, become alcoholics or addicted to certain prohibited drugs, become more susceptible to attempting suicide, and are more likely involved in committing crimes. The negative effects of a domestic problem have a direct correlation to the kinds of people that constitute a society. If so, what if the real cause of the major problems are not too big at all rather the simplest relationships formed by the family?
This problem needs a resolution that may not involve pickets, rallies, or even laws that take a long time to be approved. Good communication skills and respect for each other create a sound marriage that works for the parents and the children. The family’s foundation should be based on morals and love rather than mistrust and obligation. Parents should ultimately put their children as a top priority and consider their welfare before making an extreme decision of splitting up.
The first thing that comes to mind when we talk about a national issue is politics. In this country, it is inevitable to think that the President and his war is the greatest problem to date. Yet this issue will die down in time and be replaced by another after a while. This is the type of self-limiting problem that can be solved by legislators and government officials. Unlike the concerns on divorce, which spans more than a lifetime and affects more than one life, this proves to be more of a national issue to me. On a personal note, it may not be considering the big picture, but it does not disregard the value of having a family based on a solid foundation that assures a better future for children.
Works cited
Fagan, Patrick and Robert Rector. “ The Effects of Divorce on America.” The Heritage Foundation. 2000.
Singh defines negotiation as the “art of creating an agreement on specific issues amongst parties with differing views” (39). Negotiations occur at different levels, for instance, in the workplace and at a personal level. However, negotiation constitutes a vital component in achieving optimal performance. Thus, it is essential for entrepreneurs and organisational managers to develop effective negotiation skills. Poor negotiation skills can affect an entity’s long-term performance. Business leaders should not perceive negotiation as a matter of common sense. The need to develop negotiation skills arises from the view that most individuals become emotional during business negotiations, hence ignoring the basic instincts and techniques. Such occurrences can lead to negative negotiation outcomes. In an effort to develop adequate information on business negotiation, this paper entails of a video analysis involving a negotiation between Miles and Freddy.
Overview of the negotiation vignette
The video shows two sides on a negotiation table. On one side, Miles Massey is representing Rex in a divorce settlement. On the other side, Freddy Bender is representing Rex’s wife, Marylin. The objective of the meeting is to settle the matter of Rex’s divorce outside the court. Miles states that his client would want to reconcile with his wife. However, Freddy declines the offer with instructions from Marylin. Miles states that Rex is ready to dissolve the marriage without conditions, but Freddy declines the offer. Miles again notes that Rex would want to request a 30-day cooling off period, but Freddie and his client are not interested. Miles does not give up and he requests Freddy to delay initiating the divorce proceedings, but Marylin breaks into laughter. Miles finally asks Freddy to state his terms and he asks for 50 percent of Rex’s wealth. However, Miles is a highly experienced lawyer and he makes fun of it by wondering why Marylin is not asking for 100 or 150 percent. Miles dominates the negotiation process and ultimately he irritates Freddy who storms out of the office without any settlement.
Analysis
Preparing for negotiations
In order to succeed in conducting negotiations, it is important to undertake adequate preparations. Negotiators should take into account a number of aspects during the preparation phase. First, negotiators should think ahead regarding the intended negotiations. Clear objectives regarding the upcoming negotiations should be set. The objectives should be SMART, viz. specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. Developing clear objectives plays a remarkable role in establishing the bottom-line of the discussion.
In the video, it is clear that Freddy has set clear objectives, viz. to get at least 30 percent of Rex’s wealth for Marylin. Additionally, it is imperative for the parties to anticipate possible reactions during the negotiation process. These aspects form the basis on which effective workout strategies are developed. All the parties involved in the negotiation process should be involved in the preparation of the negotiations in order to understand their role and responsibilities during the negotiations. Preparing for negotiations leads to the development of an effective roadmap. Subsequently, all the negotiation participants speak the same language. Teams are usually comprised of different team members, for instance, stabilisers, de-stabilisers, and assertive negotiators. In the video, Miles’ team is comprised of three members, while Freddy’s team has two individuals.
Despite the diversity within a particular team, it is imperative for the differences amongst the various participants to be managed adequately. A leader to guide the negotiation process should be selected through consensus. This move ensures that all the participants are comfortable with the leader. According to the video, it is clear that each team has selected a negotiator. Marylin has selected Freddy as the negotiator, while Rex has selected Miles.
The negotiators should be prepared to face any outcome of the negotiation process. However, in the video, Freddy is not prepared to accept any outcome amicably. Therefore, when Miles resorts to mind games, Freddy storms out of the office, and thus he does not achieve his objectives.
Getting started in the negotiation
In an effort to succeed in the negotiation process, it is important for a good start to be adopted. One of the aspects that should be considered entails the negotiation environment. Singh asserts that the “negotiation environment greatly affects the prevailing level of tension and openness” (45). On this note, Miles chooses a very conducive environment, viz. an office where the negotiating teams are seated facing each other. Miles understands the importance of an enabling environment, and thus he avails water and snacks on the table to ease any form of tension that may develop during the process.
Developing a strong rapport is vital in establishing trust during negotiations. Participants in the negotiation process can adopt different approaches in an effort to establish rapport. One of these approaches entails developing mutual attention and involvement, which can be attained by engaging in “nonverbal behaviours such as smiling, maintaining eye contact, leaning forward, and gestures” (Singh 81). Marylin utilises these gestures during the negotiations. In addition, Miles uses these communication cues when urging his client, Rex, to calm down.
In an effort to develop a strong rapport with the client, Miles recognises the importance of integrating small talk during the negotiation process. Subsequently, he uses a joke by wondering why Freddy and his client are only asking for 50 percent instead of 150 percent of Rex’s wealth. Miles knows that Freddy and Marylin cannot win this case even in the court. Singh affirms that using “small talk lowers peoples’ natural defence, hence commencing the process of building relationships” (45). Moreover, small talk plays a fundamental role in determining the degree of truthfulness amongst the participants involved in the negotiation process. Engaging in small talk increases the probability with which integrative agreements are reached. The small talk that Miles introduces in the negotiation works to his advantage. Freddy storms out of the office without reaching an agreement, which means he will take the case to full trial in a court of law. Miles wants the case to go to full trial because he knows he will win it. Apparently, Miles has a witness who is ready to testify against Marylin.
Despite the significance of small talk in establishing rapport, it is essential for one to assess the degree to which the other participant involved in the negotiations appreciates informal and informal communication. Singh corroborates that if some of the negotiators do not appreciate informal negotiations, it is essential for one to refrain from speaking too casually because the negotiators might perceive such a move as an indicator of lack of seriousness in the negotiations (45). Miles knows this principle and he uses it to irritate Freddy to a point of abandoning the negotiations.
The negotiation process
Negotiations are aimed at attaining a particular objective. Consequently, the participants involved in the negotiation process tend to “move from their ideal position to a settlement point, which is mutually acceptable” (Singh 45). The extent to which the settlement point is achieved depends on the negotiators’ bargaining skills. Consequently, it is essential for negotiators to leverage on their negotiating skills. Thus, the participants must agree to adjust their position, hence making the negotiation process a considerably flexible exercise.
Negotiators must ensure that they adjust towards their ideal point. However, the ideal point is subject to change due to new information that might emerge during the negotiation process. Singh contends that the degree of movement during the negotiation process is limited by the ‘breaking point’ (47). The breaking point entails the point at which either of the parties prefers breaking off the negotiations as the most appropriate option. The negotiation video illustrates a relatively high degree of inflexibility from the two sides. Miles and Freddy are unwilling to reconsider their offers in a bid to reach a settlement. Miles does not give any monetary offer, while Freddy cannot accept anything less than 30 percent of Rex’s wealth.
Offer
Negotiations are characterised by offers, which may arise from either party. Singh asserts that the offer forms the basis of contractual agreement between negotiators (51). In order for negotiations to culminate in an offer, it is essential for the parties involved to outline all the specifics associated with the negotiation. Some of the aspects that should be considered include the offer price, scope of the job, and the expected duration within which the intended task should be delivered among other aspects depending on the nature of the negotiations. Different components such as terms and conditions of the offer should be considered. However, Miles and Freddy fail to reach an agreement.
Closing the deal
The final stage in the negotiation stage entails closing the deal. The effectiveness with which the deal is closed affects the degree of success or failure of the negotiation process. The process of closing the deal should involve “eliminating the remaining differences between the negotiators” (Singh 52). Unfortunately, Miles and Freddy do not solve their differences, and thus they do not close the deal.
Barriers in the negotiation process
A number of barriers may hamper negotiations, and thus they must be eliminated in order to achieve the desired outcomes. Some of the common barriers evident in the negotiation vignette relate to prejudice. In the video, Miles is acting arrogantly because he is sure of winning the case if it goes to the court. In essence, Miles is not prepared to strike a deal with Freddy. Miles resorts to mind games in a bid to scuttle the negotiation process and he succeeds. On the other side, impatience can hinder negotiations. Freddy is very impatient and he gives up easily without pushing for a settlement.
Conclusion
Negotiations are essential in promoting business performance. Consequently, individuals should not underestimate the importance of developing effective negotiation skills. The outcome of the negotiation process is greatly impacted by the behaviour of the negotiation facilitator. One of the most important aspects that should be considered in enhancing the outcome of the negotiation process includes effective preparation. Clear objectives should be set in order to direct the negotiation process. Moreover, developing a strong rapport with all the participants is fundamental. This goal can be achieved by integrating effective communication and mutual trust between the participants. In addition to the above aspects, it is essential to incorporate a high degree of flexibility during the negotiation process in order to reach the ideal agreement.
Works Cited
Singh, Balraj. Negotiation and counselling; text and cases, New Delhi: Excel Books, 2013. Print.
I disagree with the statement that divorce is never as bad as losing someone to death. On the contrary, suffering as a result of divorce is similar to experiencing a loved one’s death in many aspects. According to Kanel (2019), grief and the associated emotions are “felt by those who are emotionally close to dying individuals and can even be observed in individuals suffering a relationship breakup” (p. 114). Mourning the loss is a difficult process that cannot be generalized or compared since people react to traumatic events in different ways. In this regard, the counselor can evaluate the client’s state using Kiibler-Ross’s framework of five stages of death and dying: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Kanel, 2019). These emotions are experienced by individuals dealing with a close one’s passing, as well as by people going through separation and divorce.
In my view, the impact of divorce and the death of a loved one should not be compared. I know individuals who struggled with depression as a result of a loss. In each of these cases, separation and the spouse’s passing had a remarkable impact on the emotional state and the course of life of the affected person. Both experiences are traumatic and can cause significant pain and mental struggle to the individual, depending on the context and a variety of other factors. For example, the level of attachment, the overall situation, or religious beliefs can be detrimental to one’s grief reactions. Therefore, it would be a generalization to state that divorce is never as bad as losing someone to death. From the counseling perspective, it is critical to help clients deal with their grief resulting from loss.
Reference
Kanel, K. (2019). A guide to crisis intervention (6th ed.). Cengage Learning.
The USA is said to have the highest divorce rate in the world with Scandinavian countries sometimes edging in and taking over the lead. It seems that a high divorce rate is linked with countries enjoying a high standard of living. The word ‘divorce’ is linked to the word ‘marriage’. One cannot be understood without knowing about the other. The institution of marriage is something unique to human society. Broadly speaking in all human societies it comprises of a vow taken before God and society by the bride and groom during a wedding ceremony to remain married till death. Some many animals and birds pair for life but they never marry in the sense of the humans’ pair. When this promise is broken divorce takes place – the laws differing from one society to another (Lamb 276).
In the primal stage when mankind foraged and hunted – did not have any fixed abode but followed the movement of the fish in the rivers and the herds in the forests it was the female who guided the tribe about the best hunting places. Since the human infant takes the longest period to mature as compared to animals the females clubbed together and there was no commitment of marriage with the male. Thus the there was no botheration about the paternity of the child. It belonged to the tribe and all the women cared for it.
But when farming and taming of herds started property came into existence the male began to play a bigger role. The question now arose of handing down the property and hence the issue of paternity arose. This led to the institution of marriage isolating the female so that paternity was guaranteed. So in a way marriage meant guaranteeing the paternity of the child by keeping the woman in bondage (Griffin 35-46).
With society having come a long way from those days once more in cyclical order marriage is becoming redundant with emergence of female power. This emergence started with the invention of the pistol that made her equal in physical prowess to the male. Another factor stepped in until today she is emancipated economically and socially. The more a society is developed the more marriages are breaking up and the single mother is becoming quite common. Hence USA is the perfect ground for having the highest number of divorces. American children are reared in households having revolving parents, step-parents and even live-in partners who enter and exit from their lives.
From the ‘60s there has been a great change in American families. Today the vast majority of married women are working outside their homes. In 1950 it was only 16% (Arbuthnot 213). The divorce numbers have doubled since 1966 and trebled since 1950. Out of ten, three children are born outside the marriage knot. Of all the kids, a quarter now resides with one parent. More women are remaining unmarried without any issue.
These figures have led to contradictory reactions – alarm and fear on one side but freedom accompanied by happiness for others. Divorces are now being held responsible for increases in societal abuses like drug addiction, felony, sexual offenses and failure in studies. Divorce numbers began to increase from the early 19th century. Divorce became an escape from abusive partnerships. In 1867 there were 10,000 divorces in America with a rate of hundreds of 3:1. In 1880 it became 4:5 and in 1890 it was 5.9 (Arbuthnot 211).
The Afro-Americans faced the maximum threat to their marriages. They clung on to the institution more tenaciously than their White masters who did not think them to be human enough to abide by marriage rules.
The period following the War in the latter part of the ’40s and ’50s saw a sharp reaction from the years of depression. The seeds were planted for a radical change in society. The post-war period saw a phenomenal rise in the prosperity of America. It began to burst with prosperity and this began to tell on family life. Divorces increased (Zimmerman 118).
So there is no doubt that divorce is increasing. Now the question is whether it should cause worry or should it be taken with a shrug as one of the inevitable changes.
History has repeatedly shown that the rise of empires has been linked with prosperity and sexual laxity where changing partners become a game. This then may be taken as a symptom of decay because the children of broken homes are without anchor and tend to roam without contributing positively to the future of the nation. The rudderless future generation eats into the entrails of society.
What does Mother Nature say? We have to read her each in our way. When penicillin was discovered in the post-war period and the fear of STD diseases took a back seat. Chastity came to be scoffed at and marriages started to become a joke. But Nature has hit back again with AIDS as if reminding human society that she has a different code for us. The latest news is that divorce numbers are going down in America because of the lesser number of marriages!
Works Cited
Arbuthnot, Jack. Effects of divorce education on mediation process and outcome. Boston: Mediation Quarterly 15.3, (2008): 199-213.
Griffin, Christine. Divorce mediation: the impact of mediation on the psychological well-being of children and parents. New York: Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology 9.1, (2008): 35-46.
Lamb, David. Beyond Culture and Concepts. Wellington: IPCL Press, 2007.
Zimmerman, Charles. Marriage or Truce? Auckland: DG Publication, 2004.
Nowadays, experts in social sciences, traditional and new media argue that one of the main issues of a family institution, not only in the United States (US) but globally, is a high divorce rate. Conservatives and right-wing ideologists argue that this is a sign of the family institution’s decline and crisis. Progressives and leftists say that it is one of the side effects of significant social change that are now taking place in a global society. Researchers claim that the currently known divorce rate is “3.2 per 1,000 population” (“Divorce statistics”). The US ranks fourth in the list of countries in terms of divorce rate. Consequently, the question arises as to why one of the family members decides to divorce their spouse.
Five Major Reasons for Divorce
It is no secret that each family is unique and different from the other. Therefore, there are many prerequisites and reasons why one or both parties eventually decide to divorce. Experts and researchers have identified several factors leading to it. These are lack of commitment, frequent arguments, adultery, and marriage at a young age, unfulfilled or unrealistic expectations (“Divorce statistics”). It is noteworthy that there are other reasons such as inequality in relationships, an ill-conceived decision to marry, and domestic abuse or violence (“Divorce statistics”). These are scientifically proven main drivers in one or both parties’ decision to divorce.
A Ray of Hope for the Family Institution
The above mentioned facts might give the impression that the state of the modern family institution is tragic. However, there is a growing positive trend associated with millennials, according to recent research. Researchers note that “millennials are choosing to wait longer to get married and stay married longer and are the main driver in the decline of both the marriage and divorce rate in the US” (“Divorce statistics“). It needs to be mentioned that the number of marriages is decreasing as well. Sociologists will only be able to draw concrete conclusions after more millennials reach the average age of marriage.
Media Hysteria around Divorce Rate
Over the past decade, hysteria has been created around the divorce rate by Western media. According to Ames, “divorces have risen at their sharpest rate in almost 50 years.” What is more shocking is that divorce rate data has been misinterpreted. The truth is that most journalists and even some researchers often confuse crude divorce rates with refined ones. It may seem that the crude divorce rate is high especially compared to the marriage rate. In fact, the refined divorce rate “per 1000 married women is 16.9” (“Divorce statistics”). Therefore, the actual divorce percentage is much lower than shown in the news article cited above. One might wonder why news articles are showing unrealistic data.
Misinterpretation in Media
There are three reasons why news writers and analysts misinterpret sociological statistics. One of them is a lack of understanding of statistical data and methods of its collection and analysis (“Misinterpretation of statistics”). Moreover, news article writers sometimes use incomparable definitions and concepts and add additional irrelevant qualities to them (“Misinterpretation of statistics”). News articles are also often subject to writers’ personal bias (“Misinterpretation of statistics”). They also add fictional facts and data to get more attention and clicks (“Misinterpretation of statistics”). All this is harmful both for journalism and for society.
The focus of this research proposal is to study the effects of divorce and single parenting on the children. The procedure for acquiring related data includes both qualitative and quantitative methods. The dominant approach will be in the form of case studies and the data will be collected through unstructured interviews and observations.
Standardized measuring scale: Likert Scale will be used for quantitative data to explore the parent-child relationship after divorce. Lastly, there are some suggestions for the families experiencing divorce to make the transition during divorce less traumatic for the children.
Divorce is a very complex situation. It is not a one-time affair, which is over with the proceedings in the courthouse. Divorce involves a long process including the sequence of events and behaviors, which gradually tears down the positive feelings of one or both the spouses for each other.
In course of time, they are convinced that they cannot carry on with this marital relationship and want to get rid of it.. Not only the divorcing couples but also their children, relatives and people related to them experience an upheaval in every aspect of their lives. Therefore, divorce is often a very painful sequence of events (Matthews, par. 6).
The fights between parents and their incompatibility leave deep negative impressions on the children. They feel dejected and unwanted. This situation can result in their developing a negative attitude towards parents and marriage. The parents’ matrimonial problems develop a sense of deprivation of parental love, feeling of guilt, embarrassment, insecurity and lower self-confidence in children.
They lose concentration in studies and tend to develop negative attitude and behavior such as depression, anxiety, indiscipline, etc. If these effects are not reflected upon seriously, they may influence their personalities through adulthood. The children are shattered and filled with the feelings of anxiety and anger following their parents ‘divorce. Hence, they need proper attention and support to deal with the sense of insecurity they develop after their parents ‘divorce (“Effects of Divorce”, par. 2).
A child’s sensitivity to divorce is determined by his age, gender and history of dealing with the unfavorable situations. The prevailing stressful events affect even the tough child and can develop problems. There are certain factors that may lead the children to maladjustment after the divorce. Some of these factors may be irreversible and may have existed before divorce. These apply huge pressure on children at the time of separation or divorce.
It is apparent that divorce of their parents affects all children. There are some effects that appear immediately after the separation and others occur in a long run. Children of divorcees feel rejected by one of their parents and are unavoidably pressurized by greater responsibilities.
They are devoid of the nurturing relationship of the non-custodial parent(usually the father). The gender of the custodial parent also determines the impact of the divorce on children. Children staying in the custody of the parent of opposite sex show more problems.
According to Amato and Booth (1996), It is observed that children can occasionally pull through rather swiftly following the divorce, but divorce related feelings may come out later in life because of the repressed feelings at a subconscious level. This delayed reaction is the outcome of the denied feelings about the traumatic experiences of childhood.
“Research suggests that problematic parent-child relations associated with divorce persist throughout the life course” (qtd. in Matthews par. 7).
Furstenberg & Teitler (1994) say: “…children from disrupted families are significantly more likely to express discontent with their lives as measured by an index of life satisfaction” (qtd. in Matthews par. 7).
The purpose of this paper is to find answers concerning the after effects of divorce on children. It focuses on the consequences of divorce in relation with their social and emotional security, financial condition, education and their academic achievement. The study will also focus on the issue of single parenting and its emotional and psychological effects on children.
Review of the Literature
The rates of divorce increased drastically in the United States between the periods 1970 to1977. Although, it did not go up in the following years but it is true that a large number of marriages still end in divorce. During 1970 to 1979, it was thought to be a wise decision to keep the children with one parent instead of living with both the parents amidst clash and abuse. However, there have been research evidences that it is not in favor of the children to continue staying in a family observing conflict and bickering.
Therefore, divorce was considered the best option for keeping the children away from the devastating effects of an unsuccessful marriage. Post- divorce circumstances not only affect a child’s personality during the first few years following the divorce but leaves substantial impacts on their personalities through adulthood. It is a fact that in spite of personal values, values set up by community, or religious teachings divorces take place.
Facts regarding divorces reveal that 2 of 5 children have to go through the experience of their parents’ divorce before reaching the age of 18. It is also assumed that about 25 percent of all children will have to stay in a stepfamily for some time.
Furthermore, it is revealed that a couple’s marriage ends about 7.2 years preceding the divorce. Though the divorce rate has gone down to about 11 percent now as compared to the rates in 1979 but around 1,250,000 divorces still take place in a year in the United States. These divorces involve over 1 million children under age 18 per year(Mathews, 1914).
According to Cherlin (1992), “the results based on 1990 census data assert that 40% of all children can expect to live in a single-parent household because of divorce before the age of 16” (qtd. in Shaw and Ingolds by, n.d., par. 5). With the substantial number of divorces in the US, it is essential to understand the effects of divorce on the capability of children adjusting to their environment and social surroundings (qtd. in Shaw and Ingoldsby, n.d.).
There are many changes noticeable in the relationships of children with their parents after the divorce. These changes occur in relation to both the parents but the childrearing activities of the residential parent(usually mother) are so disturbed in the first few years post-divorce that it is termed as a time of “diminished parenting” by Wallerstein and Kelly (1980) (qtd. in Shaw and Ingoldsby, n.d.).
The residential parent has to face many challenges of single-parent family status. With the disturbances in the homeostatic balances in the family, there is a need to set up a new balance in at least the following important areas:
The loving relationships between the single parent and the children are determined by the parent’s own emotional needs, the outlook of the parent regarding the needs of the children and problems relative to loyalty between them.“ According to Hetherington’s detailed study of mother-custody families, the first year following divorce, mothers are found to be less affectionate with their children, mainly boys” (qtd. in Shaw and Ingoldsby, n.d.).
Haurin (1992) states that their maternal nurturing behavior towards children was improved after 2 years of divorce and at the 6-year follow-up divorced mothers were found to have more arguments with both their sons and daughters than mothers from no divorced families (qtd. in Shaw and Ingoldsby, n.d.).
Hetherington asserted that, in the first year, following divorce the problems of disorganization in the family occur frequently. Reorganization of the family structure the creation a pattern for completing the household task is the prime subject of concern. At the two-year follow-up, these mothers become steadier and can control their children more efficiently.
However, children from divorced families remained less obedient than children from intact families. After 6 years post-divorce, divorced mothers become as nurturant as non- divorced mothers, but are less competent in controlling their sons.
Over a period, long-term disturbances in parenting are probably reconciled by many factors. If she is emotionally sound; has the social and economic support, it becomes easier to cope up with the after effects of divorce. Emery, (1988) & Hetherington (1991) mention that factors such as the number, ages and sex of the children also influence single-parenting (qtd. in Shaw and Ingoldsby, n.d.).
“Based on the results of studies involving 13,000 children, examined by Amato and Keith in 1991,it was indicated that children from divorced families have more difficulty in school, they suffer with more behavior problems and develop negative self-concepts” (qtd. in Hughes, 2009, par. 3).
They face problems with peers, and have difficulty in adjusting with their parents. Amato (2001) investigates that this pattern prevails in the recent researches also. The differences between the divorce families and intact families are caused by certain factors. The risks that contribute to the problems of children from divorce families are indicated by Paul Ameto (1993) and Kelly and Emery (2003) (qtd. in Hughes, 2009, par. 3):
Parental Loss. The children are deprived of the company of one parent following divorce. It results in the deprivation of his knowledge, his skills, and emotional and financial resources related to that parent.
Economic Loss. Children have to face financial scarcities after the divorce, as the sources of income are limited to one parent only. They are not so financially sound as the children from the intact families.
More Life Stress. The after effects of divorce are very challenging for the children. They have to deal with many changes in their living situations. Changing school, childcare, home and making adjustments in their changed relationships are usually followed by divorce. These impose a stressful environment on the children.
Poor Parental Adjustment. The mental health of the parents affects the children in the family. They land up in problems related to maladjustment.
Lack of Parental Competence. Parents efficiency and competence in raising their children helps in their proper development. Even after divorce, the capability of the single parent in bringing them up has a substantial influence on their development.
Exposure to Conflict between Parents. Conflict is an indispensable part of all families. However, it is more common in the families having experienced divorce. The well-being of the children depends on the irexposure to conflict between parents, which they have experienced in their families (qtd. in Hughes, 2009).
Children from divorce families are distressed. They will be upset about their losses. They lose one parent; have to find a new surrounding depending on their financial conditions. Furthermore, they are likely to be away from their friends and sometimes with siblings too. They may face financial tightness. The emotional state of their custodial parent may not be sound. When children look at this new, unsettled world, their sense of security and safety is seems to be at stake (“Helping Children Heal after Divorce”, 2009).
Children with divorced parents tend to be more aggressive and impulsive. They are involved in the antisocial behaviors and do not have a good relationship with their mothers or fathers. Their academic achievements are also very low. Children who experience divorce early in age are more susceptible to the problems related to divorce. It is not necessary that all the disturbances in marriages are harmful. Some children from divorced families are witnessed having greater maturity levels and independence.
With the divorced families being more common in today’s society, the difference between children of intact families and children of divorce has reduced to a great extent. Today, the children of divorce are normal children. Their acclimatization with the family disruptions is based on their age and maturity levels at the time of divorce (Bryner, 2001).
The traumatic events related to divorce followed by a separation or marital disruption leave deep impression on the personality of a child. These impressions are obvious in his behavioral patterns like “anxiety, sadness, anger, aggression, noncompliance, sleep disturbances, and disrupted concentration at school” (Behrman, 1994, par. 6).
This period of perplexed behavior patterns may be for a limited time or may last till adulthood. The level of distress is also different in different children. However, there is a greater risk of psychological disorders like “maladjustment, behavior and social problems, negative self-image, and low academic achievement, for children who experience divorce, as compared with children in continuously intact two-parent families (Behrman, 1994, par. 6).
In spite of the soaring figures of divorce rates in the US in the past decades, it is also being witnessed now that this rate is going down. The reasons behind this dropping down of divorce rates are not obvious. The assumptions relative to the causes of lowering divorce rate may include: the incapability of people to afford marriage; the age factor of baby boomers, which consists of the major proportion of the population; the societal expectation attached to divorce and the financial insecurity involved with divorce.
The changes in a person’s life following divorce cerate many psychological problems like: depression on losing one’s partner, shattered expectations and dreams, and acclimatization to a different lifestyle. The number of children of divorce is so high that it embraces almost fifty-percent of all children population (Corcoran, 1997).
The recent researches involved in the “meta-analysis” of the previous studies on the effects of divorce on children have come up with some different opinion on this subject. It is perceived that, in the previous studies, the negative effects of divorce on children are excessively represented (Corcoran, 1997).
The earlier studies suggest that, following the divorce, children go through depression, have poor academic performance and showed had issues related to discipline and conduct. This is demonstrated in the recent studies that the depressive and undisciplined behavior of the children could be due the marital conflicts prior to divorce.
They experience conflicts, bickering in the family before the divorce occurs, and this affects their post-divorce adjustment. Children may get over with this problem after divorce if they have parents with better communicative skills. There are certain factors that determine children’s psychological reactions to their parents’ divorce (Corcoran, 1997):
how was their relationship with each of their parents prior to divorce;
how intense and long was the parental conflict;
how capable were the parents’ in paying attention to the needs of children in their divorce.
Based on the earlier studies, it was pointed out that boys have a stronger reaction to the social and educational adjustment problems than girls. Nevertheless, according to the recent evidences, it is revealed that boys and girls suffer in the same way in facing the difficult times.
They may respond to the situation differently. For example, boys are more expressive in revealing their emotions than girls are, and show their anger and frustration and hurt. They may have hard times in school, get involved into fights and trouble in school, have more disagreements with peers and parents (Corcoran, 1997).
On the contrary, girls have a tendency to internalize their anguish. Their distress is symptomatic. Depression, having regular headaches or stomachaches, and change in their eating and sleeping patterns are the symptomatic reactions of their distress (Corcoran, 1997).
Divorce affects the children in limiting their financial aids. They may be devoid of proper nutrition, may not be engaged in extracurricular activities, and may be devoid of fancy and expensive clothing. They may have to surrender their school choices. Divorce may force a parent, staying home and taking care of the children, to go out for work. This may increase their time in childcare and restrict the love and care they were getting from the parent to a limited period.
His constant involvement with both of his parents determines the success of his future relationships. A secured relationship with their parents allows them to develop sense of security and accomplishment in their personal relationships in adulthood. In cases of children in their mother’s custody and father’s involvement in meeting the special financial expenses of the children (like sport, music lessons, or a class trip), the mother’s attitude toward the child’s relationship with father matters a lot (Corcoran, 1997).
Theoretical Paradigm and/or Methodological Plan for Data Collection
The Steps to Be Taken to Complete the Research
This research design will use case study methodology of quantitative and qualitative research. The study would focus on how divorce would influence the behavior and well-being of children by conducting observations and interviews.
Yin (1984, p. 23) states that researcher Robert K. Yin defines the case study research method as “an empirical inquiry that investigates a contemporary phenomenon within its real-life context; when the boundaries between phenomenon and context are not clearly evident; and in which multiple sources of evidence are used” (qtd. in Soy, 1996).
Case study research is one of those research approaches that can take a qualitative or quantitative stance. Case study research is used to describe an entity that forms a single unit such as a person, an organisation or an institution. The nature of a case study research ranges in complexity. It may be simple in an illustrative description of a single event or occurrence.
The study of a social situation over a period of time tends to be more complex and the most complex case study includes the extensive examination of the events involving the same actors over a period of time enabling the analysis to reflect changes and adjustments (Hancock, 1998).
As a research design, the case study claims to offer affluent and in-depth information. It tends to identify how some complex state of affairs come together to generate a particular manifestation by trying to involve as many variables as possible. It is a highly versatile research method and employs any and all methods of data collection from testing to interviewing (Hancock, 1998).
A survey questionnaire including questions regarding the impact of divorce and experiences of divorced parents’ children will be presented. Furthermore, the ability of these children to cope with the after effects of divorce and single parenting would also be analyzed. The basic methodology requires that the data are collected through a survey conducted upon sample children based on a Likert scaling technique. For the survey, 60 families with teenage children will be used as participants (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
The sample population for this study would include 60 children aging between 12-16 years. While selecting the subjects, it will be observed that they do not have any history of emotional or psychological problems. The families will be
All the selected participants will be observed and questioned through questionnaires and personal diagnostic interviews with reference to the dependent and independent variable (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
These participants will be given a self-report paper-and-pencil measure. It will test their psychological functioning. They will have to answer the self-report in a large group. The same procedure will be done to the 60 children from intact families not undergoing separation or divorce (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
The participants will be allowed to complete the given procedures at their convenience. “Only those participants who have clear memories of their parents living together and experiences during the divorce will be instructed to complete the measures related to their parents’ divorce otherwise the purpose of the study would be annulled” (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
For the purpose of statistical ways and its analysis, the Likert scale method will be used that generates means and standard variations for the responses given (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
“A Likert Scale is a type of psychometric scale frequently used in psychology questionnaires. It was developed by and named after organizational psychologist Rensis Likert” (Cherry, 2012, par. 1).
The minimum and maximum value can be obtained in a printed form. In Likert scale questions, the coded number directs us to the average answer.
If there is a little deviation of standard, it shows that most observations collect around the mean. Too much variation in the answers would suggest a high standard deviation. Questions drawing same responses would have standard deviation of 0. Henceforth, prior to computing a scale, that represents a series of questions; points would be assigned to each question so that the reverse wording questions will be assigned the opposite number of points than the positively worded questions (Jaarsveld, 2007).
De Vos (2002b:341) explained that the qualitative data will be gathered from the unstructured or semi structured interviews with the children. Interpretation of the data will be done with” word-by-word analysis”(qtd. in Jaarsveld, 2007, p. 5).
The acquired data will be evaluated and would prove beneficial for guiding the divorced parents and their children. These will be helpful for the teachers as well in dealing with the children of divorced parents. The children will be able to develop cognitive strategies to handle the divorce and can take care of their mental well-being.
However, it is important to determine that the cognitive and mental problems exhibited by the children of divorced parents were caused by the divorce only, or the children were lagging behind even prior to the divorce.
Ethical Aspects
There are many ethical standards established for research works that use human as well as animal subjects. Through these standards the confidentiality and dignity of every individual involved in the research is shielded.
The participants will have the assurance of their data that it would be confidential and anonymous as the identification codes and reports will be made to collect data. The participants will get all the information related to the aims of the study, which methods will be used in the study, the results of the study, its good and bad consequences, etc.
Implications for Social Policy or Social Action
The repercussions of people undergoing a divorce are many and these leave the children from such families in a state of flux. They are not able to decide what to do? Whom to trust? How to deal with this state of instability? So, there is a great need to recognize their situation and provide proper assistance for dealing with crises in their lives.
The attempt to recover this loss is done by arranging visitation with the “outside” parent. This may help them to get over with the feeling of loss of that parent. In addition, there would be many changes in the child’s new life such as a change in locality or school, involvement of new caretakers while the custodial parent works longer hours, and a lower standard of living. Proper support and care from the custodial parent can help them in acclimatizing with the new situations.
The results of previous studies on divorce and its effects on children have pointed out that divorce is likely to have short-term or long-term impact on the emotional, social, financial and academic aspects of the children’s lives. There is, however, a suggestion for the parents who do divorce that they should clarify the reasons for their decision to their children and work together to reduce its effects on their children.
Without being critical to each other, they should tell the reality behind their divorce and the need for it. The children need to be kept away from the hurtful events, like infidelity, to lessen the effects of divorce on them. So, parents should avoid playing blame game. They should present a united front in giving an explanation for separation or divorce, and stick to it.
The parents are advised to do some preparation before talking to the children before the actual divorce occurs. Presence of both the spouses at the time of explaining things to the children is required for this reason. It is highly recommended that the spouses need to be courteous to each other in explaining reasons for the marital break-up or divorce.
It is also suggested that parents should be careful in choosing what information is to be given to the children and what not and what information is to be given at what point of time. For example, it is not necessary to provide all details to the younger children but older children may expect more information and they should be provided these with honesty.
They should be prepared in advance for the changes in their living arrangements, school, or activities. Truthfulness, regarding the information to be told to the kids, is very important. Divorce means the loss of a parent, and their familiar life for the children.
Parents can help their children by supporting their feelings and making them comfortable with the changes in their lives. The children should be encouraged to share their feelings with their parents. The feelings of depression, frustration, anxiety, sorrow and dejection about things they had not expected can be dealt with a little patience and compassion. Children cannot express their feelings in certain circumstances.
Encouragement and help can be provided to them by spending more time with them and observing their mood swings. Children, at times, feel hesitant to share their true feelings from parents as do not want to hurt their feelings. Though, parents may have a hard time infixing their problems or making their lives happier, but it is important to be aware of their feelings rather than ignoring them and trying to seek the solutions for their well-being.
Works Cited
Behrman, Richard E. et 1994. “The Future of Children”. The Center for the Future of Children, The David and Lucile Packard Foundation. Vol. 4. No. 1. 14 2012. Web.
Bryner, Charles L. 2001. “Children of Divorce” Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine. May-June 2001. Vol. 14 No.3. Web.
Jaarsveld, Anna W. V. 2007. Divorce and Children in Middle Childhood: Parent’s Contribution to Minimise the Impact. Department of Social Work and Criminology. Web.
Mattthews, Wayne D. 1914, Long-term Effects of Divorce on Children. Web.
Shaw, Daniel S. & Ingoldsby, Erin M. Children of Divorce. Web.
Soy, Susan K. 1996. The Case Study as a Research Method. Web.
In Euripedes’ Medea the main character was a woman scorned. She felt as if she is nothing but filth in the eyes of her husband Jason. But instead of merely feeling sorry for himself he concocted an elaborate scheme of revenge and because of her vile emotions and cunning she murdered Jason’s lover, Jason’s father-in-law, and the most sickening of all she also murdered her two sons from Jason.
Thousands of years after this piece of literature was written lovers still fight and husbands and wife separate. In the United States the rate of divorce is astounding but man and wife, just like Medea sometimes would not let go of the past and move on with their lives.
They concoct schemes to destroy the symbol of their marriage (Gunsberg & Hyowitz 116). Today this phenomenon is known as the Medea Syndrome and the most affected members of the family are not the parents who went through divorce but the children who became the unwilling participants in the ongoing psychological warfare between former husband and wife.
Background
Medea fell in love with the charming but complicated Jason. In fact she had to do several undesirable things in order for their relationship to blossom. She had to trick the daughters of a powerful leader named Pelias and made them kill their father. She had to pay the price and be exiled in a foreign land. She had to turn her back from her relatives and family in order to be with Jason in Corinth.
But her sacrifices and her devotion was never repaid in kind. Instead, Jason chose ambition over her. Jason wanted to have a bright future for himself and so he married the daughter of Creon, King of Corinth. The narrator of the story beautifully summarized her feelings and desperation through the following words:
…wasting away in tears ever since she learnt that she was wronged by her husband, never lifting her eye nor raising her face from off the ground; and she lends as deaf an ear to her friend’s warning as if she were a rock or ocean billow, save when she turns her snow-white neck aside and softly to herself bemoans her father dear, her country and her home, which she gave up to come hither with the man who now holds her in dishonor (Euripides par. 1).
Jason’s second mistake was to ignore her. His third mistake was to forget that this is the same woman who was cunning enough to destroy Pelias. He thought that she will just move on with her life and this was his terrible miscalculation.
In a scheme that no one understood and no one anticipated Medea feigned agreement to the sin of Jason and to throw her opponents off-guard she even gave her rival a gift. No one knew it was poisoned. Her father panicked when he saw her daughter stricken by a powerful venom that consumed her body and when he tried to help her and therefore rubbing his bare flesh with the garment he too succumbed from the deadly substance present in the fibers.
One could just imagine the sorrow felt by Jason. The ramifications of Medea’s actions to terrible to contemplate. The world will know that his bride was murdered by his ex-wife. It is an unbearable tragedy but Medea was just warming up and when she knew that the first stage of her plan was completed she went to her sons and murdered them.
According to experts what Medea did was to destroy the symbol of marriage and thus the psychological and physical pain caused by warring spouses who are separated or divorced is now known as the Medea Syndrome (Rosse 88). It is a phenomenon that is not only affecting man and woman but also their offspring.
Love Trauma
Clinicians made an interesting connection to Medea and the behavior of rejected lovers, quarreling spouses, and divorced couples and they wrote, “In the ‘Medea Syndrome,’ people who feel betrayed in a relationship seek revenge against the person who offended them by harming their joint offspring” (Rosse 88).
They also added that the Medea Syndrome can occur in both men and women (Rose 88). Men are not immune to this problem.
Another jarring fact was pointed out by clinicians who said that although in the myth Medea was able to escape, in real-life, women with acute manifestations of the Medea Syndrome do not only murder their children but they also commit suicide afterwards (Rose 88).
It can be said that these are extreme cases this is because “People who are having Medea-like homicide fantasies usually are in considerable emotional distress and are always in need of psychiatric help” (Rosse 89). Most of the time the demonstration of the Medea Syndrome is seen through the use of psychological warfare between divorced couples and usually this involves their children.
Divorced Couples
Divorce happens when husband and wife decided that they cannot live anymore. This is merely the end result of a very long process, of conflicts that were never resolved. Sometimes the reason for divorce is similar to what happened to Medea and Jason – infidelity and too many unmet expectations.
When former lovers decided to end their relationship the sweetness of their past engagement is replaced by bitterness and hate but sustained with the same passion as when they were still in love. Unfortunately, divorce comes at a time when husband and wife are not the only people that comprise that particular family, most of the time children stand between two warring parties. In a disturbing twist one parent suddenly decides to follow the footsteps of Medea and exact revenge by harming both the minor and the adult.
The manifestation of Medea Syndrome varies in each case. It can be argued that seeking revenge by killing the offspring of the marriage is the extreme form of this psychological problem. With regards to divorced couples the most common problem is not the murder of the innocents but by subjecting them to a life of emotional turmoil in a related phenomenon called Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS.
The classic expression of this syndrome is the refusal of a child to visit or see one parent. Usually it is the non-custodial parent who will become the target of parental alienation (Rohrbaugh 399). This problem can be fully understood after re-examining the story of Medea, the woman scorned, who used her tricks and schemes to let the husband share in her desolation and pain.
According to clinicians, children who suddenly develop PAS after the parents divorced is not an indication that the other parent is abusive and they added, “These children may have experienced pressure to form an angry alliance with the custodial parent that is designed to exclude, reject, and humiliate the other parent” (Rohrbaugh 399).
Similar to what Medea did, parents with Medea-like problems use their cunning and their obsession to exact revenge by making their former partner suffer. But what they do not realize is that it is taking a toll on their children.
Young children do not automatically become the willing pawn of an aggrieved parent. They have to be taught to behave this way. A therapist clarified the process by saying that a parent has to program or brainwash their children to do so (Rohrbaugh 400).
Clinicians also revealed that, “By ‘programming’ they mean a belief system designed to damage the child’s image of the target parent in terms of his or her moral, physical, intellectual, social, emotional, and educational qualities … by brainwashing they mean the application of specific techniques to control and change the child’s thoughts and perceptions” (Rohrbaugh 400). Medea used poison to inflict deep emotional wounds on Jason but 21st century parents use their own children to do the dirty work for them.
When Medea murdered her two sons she was not only depriving Jason of two children but she actually destroyed something else that is very important to Jason which is an heir. All of a sudden Jason had nothing worth living for. Medea took everything away from him, his two sons, his bride, and his political allies.
In the modern age the aggrieved parent is driven to manipulate children and use them against another parent in order to destroy something special that existed between parent and child and it is the loving relationship that used to be the source of joy and contentment. By using a child against a parent one has created the most painful method of exacting revenge.
The most powerful weapon in the alienating parent’s arsenal is what experts call as distortion, “A disturbed parent uses language to rationalize and to distort reality” (Gordon 48).
For instance, “…a child adamantly refuses to visit the noncustodial parent, claiming that this parent is mean, abusive, uncaring, and otherwise unloving toward the child, often buttressed with false allegations of physical and/or sexual abuse aginst the noncustodial parent” (Gunsberg & Hymowitz 115). The child is made to believe lies and successfully turning a child against a fater or a mother.
There is only one problem with this method, “In doing so they severely damage and sometimes destroy the child’s psyche as well” (Gunsberg & Hymowitz 116).One can just imagine the kind of psychological and emotional stress the child has to go through every time the alienating parent attempts to program or brainwash the child by distorting reality.
Experts believe that when these children grow they soon will manifest behavioral problems as a result of their past experiences with distortion and the like (Gordon 49). Clearly there is no justification for using children as tools to deal with emotional and psychological issues. The alienating parent must seek help immediately.
Conclusion
Medea was a woman scorned and her reaction was something that no one anticipated. It was decisive and brutal the byproduct of her cunning and obsession. She knew really well where to hurt Jason and it is by taking away everything from him, not only his bride or his future but also his most treasured thing on earth – his children.
In the modern age clinicians discovered that parents are susceptible to the same madness and they aptly label it as the Medea Syndrome. Although parents kill the symbol of their marriage as a form of retribution this is rarely the case when it comes to divorced couples. Instead, they destroy each other by programming or brainwashing their children to learn to hate the other parent.
They may succeed in creating deep and lasting emotional pain to get back for what the other has done but they forget that their children will be scarred for life. This has to stop and it begins by spreading this information so that the alienating and disturbed parent will know the harm he or she is doing to the child.
Works Cited
Euripides. Medea. Trans. E. P. Coleridge. The Internet Classics Archive. Web.
Gordon, Robert. An Expert Look at Love, Intimacy and Personal Growth. Allentown, PA: IAPT Press, 2006. Print.
Gunzberg, Linda & Paul Hymowitz. A Handbook of Divorce and Custody: Forensic, Developmental, and Clinical Perspectives . Hillsdale, NJ: The Analytic Press, 2005. Print.
Rorbaugh, Joanna. A Comprehensive Guide to Child Custody Evaluations. New York, NY: Springer, 2008. Print.
Rosse, Richard. The Love Trauma Syndrome: Free Yourself from the Pain of a Broken Heart . Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing, 1999. Print.
Divorce is a social problem that sociologists and psychologists have dealt with on several occasions. It causes adverse psychological and social effects to divorcing couples and children depending on the society in which the family stays. This occurs because societies accord the institution of marriage different levels of respect.
Currently, divorce is increasing at an alarming rate and children are most affected. Sociologists have severally investigated the social effects of divorce on children, and have come up with several findings. This essay discuses how divorce causes social problems to children, social implications of divorce, and social movements that are oriented to issues of divorce (Chase, 2010).
Why Divorce is a Social Problem on Children
Divorce is the termination of a marriage before the death of one of the spouses. Children get traumatized with this act because it strangely affects their social life. Toddlers or very young children may not comprehend what is happening in the family, but they are able to notice the absence of one of their parents.
To some children, the absence of one parent causes them pain and suffering that impairs their proper social growth. Molander (2006) argues that lack of love from the missing parent hampers the child’s social development. Boys may grow having negative attitude towards women while girls may develop having negative attitude towards men (Molander, 2006).
The life of children changes completely after the divorce. They feel scared on how they will cope up without their father or mother. Others start wondering how their life would be if the parent they live with abandons them, as well. In fact, so many rhetoric questions crop up in their minds.
For instance, they wonder where they will begin schooling, whether they will be able to meet with their friends, whether the other parent will still be visiting them, and whether they will live with their brothers and sisters in the future, or they will be living with the other parent. All this makes them unsecure and negatively affect their social life (Lee, 2002).
Divorce separates young children from their primary caretaker who, usually, is their mother. This tampers with children’s social development that usually leads to long-term social distressing problems. Pre-school children may develop anxiety that may force them to become anti-social because of harassment or bullying from other kids.
Children who grow in single parent families or who witness their parents divorcing develop low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a big social problem because it affects the development of the children’s self-confidence. Children often think they caused the divorce. This makes them to live in isolation wondering about what their friends would think about them. They always see themselves as losers especially if aged between seven to seventeen years old (Lee, 2002).
Divorce is, indeed, a social problem to children because it makes them to become aggressive and angry. Aggressiveness develops immediately after the divorce and lasts for a few weeks. Tralle (2005) provides that children of divorce, especially the adolescents, develop aggressiveness or become rude.
Others may start drinking alcohol or using drugs to cope up with trauma of losing one parent through divorce. Moreover, divorce may cause depression to children if life after divorce becomes stressful or they miss good thing they used to enjoy when both parents were living together.
Children of divorce develop poor social skills. Sociology experts provide that children of divorce find it difficult to trust other people unconditionally (Molander, 2006). They reduce social contacts and relationship after the divorce. This affects them later in life because it may result into problems when forming intimate relationships.
Those children isolate themselves from almost all kinds of social events. Thus, they develop poor social skills. Moreover, divorce subjects children into psychological confusion making them vulnerable to delinquency, and sex before marriage (Molander, 2006).
Research provides that children of divorce are more likely to face academic difficulties. Such children’s academic performance is usually poor as compared with other children from intact families. According to Tralle (2005), boys become violent and encounter trouble coping up with their social groups, instructors, and the police. On the other hand, girls get depressed, and this impedes their ability to focus on their education. This eventually affects their social life.
Social Movements Oriented to Social Effects of Divorce on Children
There are several social movements that deal with the effects of divorce on children. Those movements aim at ensuring that children of divorce do not suffer due to separation of their parents. They fight for children’s rights and provide them with guidance and counseling to reduce their trauma and fear after the divorce. Anti-divorce movements criticize divorce because of its negative effects on developing children.
They use religion and the researches they conducted on effects of divorce on children to argue against it. On the other hand, pro-divorce movements contradict with anti-divorce movements on grounds that children from intact families also suffer some of the effects that children of divorce suffer. Furthermore, they argue that children suffer more in families with problems prior to divorce than in divorce. In general, social movements oriented to divorce intend to support the wellbeing of divorce children (Molander, 2006).
Another social movement that is oriented to divorce is Malta Divorce Movement (MDM). It was formulated with an intention of outlining the basic requirements for one to obtain divorce on proper legal frameworks. This movement supports divorce on legal grounds. MDM argues that those people who are denied the right to divorce are discriminated against.
Furthermore, it argues that children who are reared in a family where parents are separated suffer similar social problems as those whose parents are divorced. On the contrary, anti-divorce movements argue that divorce undermines commitment which is the fundamental part of a marriage (Molander, 2006).
Social Implications of Divorce
Divorce has got social implications for those couples who terminate their marriages. The partners separate permanently. Thus, they become singles and the children stay with one partner or get shared between the partners. It changes the person’s social life, and leads the couple into dejection and apprehension.
Couples who used to work together, eat out together and play together suffer socially because the effects of divorce frustrate such relationships (Temke, 2006). Men may experience low self-confidence when they interact with their friends because they are once more single. Divorce subjects children into social trauma. This implies that children of divorce remain unhappy after divorce because they come from unhappy families.
In addition, couples who terminate their marriage through divorce remain unhappy afterwards. This occurs because the partners experience changes in their social situation. Divorce is very stressful to an individual’s life. Psychologists provide that it is next to the loss of a partner.
Apart from emotional implications, divorce has financial implications. For instance, divorce creates two families rather than one. This increases total family expenses. Research provides that there are societal costs attached to divorce (Lee, 2002). Children of divorce over-represent juvenile delinquency, adult prison population, unemployment, and high rates of school dropouts. A large portion of people who cause social problems in the society arise from children of divorce or those brought up by single parents (Lee, 2002).
Divorce can be helpful to some couples. For instance, it can allow either party to gain relief from a dysfunctional marriage. In addition, it can make irresponsible party to meet his/her financial obligations. Those obligations may include paying school fees for children, and providing some percentage of his/her salary to cater for children upbringing (Isle, 2012).
Divorce makes the couples to separate permanently. However, they may decide to remarry later if they agree with each other. Divorce makes children to have two homes instead of their usual one home. This may force them to have less contact with either of their parents or keep on switching home, which may become socially disturbing.
Conclusion
Divorce is a social problem that affects the involved parties emotionally, socially, and psychologically. It changes the social situation of couples and children. Children are affected most because they suffer effects of losing one of their parents. Moreover, the society as a whole suffers the effects of divorce because children of divorce may become delinquent, and cause trouble to society members.
Current increase in divorce has led to the formation of social movements that are aimed at discouraging divorce because of the negative effects it causes to children. Some movements advocate for divorce especially if the couples have been experiencing major disagreements for a long time. They believe that this would relief the parties from a dysfunctional marriage. Finally, divorce has emotional, social, and psychological implications to the couples, children and the society as a whole (Chase, 2010).
References
Chase, K. (2010). Dicken and the Rise of Divorce: The Failed Marriage Plot and the Novel Tradition. Victorian Institute Journal, 38(1), 211-214.
Lee, M.Y. (2002). A Model of Children’s Postdivorce Behavioral Adjustment in Maternaland Dual-Residence Arrangements. Journal of Family Issues, 23, 672-697.
