Category: Divorce

Premarital marriage one of the more puzzling findings in family sociology recently has been the strong negative association discovered between premarital cohabitation and marital stability. Regarding popular belief living together before marrying is an effective way to reduce a couple’s chance of divorcing. Major studies in several Western countries show that couples who cohabit before marriage have a significantly higher risk of getting divorced than couples who do not cohabit before marriage (Hall, 1997).

I disagree with premarital marriage, marriage is a lifetime commitment (Britzman & Sauerheber, 2014). It should be carefully considered because it comes with heavy responsibilities and is not just a game of ‘A hot rice when you get burnt, you will simply spit it out’. If you want to be married and have children, but you can’t be a parent or hold an obligation. You need to think carefully also you should be able to know how you support your family for all the consequences you would Because you are not only impacted by your decision. Someone can be affected and that is their child.

Those couples who just want to have pre-marital sex and don’t want to consent to marriage. Pre-marital sex is any sexual activity with an opposite sex or with the same sex before he or she begins a married life. The term was in use commonly to refer to sexual intercourse before marriage. Sexual activities among young people are rising around the world. Several studies in Subconectan Africa have also recorded high and increasing pre-marital sexual activity among young people (Abdissa et al., 2017).

We all become children, if a child is not taken care of well or has a bad environment, there are many possible side effects such as bad behavior which he sees or hears so as he grows up it imprints on his mind.

It should be legalized in the Philippines to avoid premarital marriage because these are the main issues that we are facing now, even before. Especially young people who do not finish or drop out of school because they get pregnant early, even when they are not adults or in the legal age. If it is legalized it can help our country and economy to avoid teenage pregnancy, poverty, single parent, child misbehavior, and abortion.

If one of them separates, they still have to support also presence need for the child as parents and if they can’t support the child, they can be fined ten to twenty thousand per month, or you are going to jail, it will only stop if your child finished her study and are in the right place. And those who do not obey will receive a high punishment for disobedience.

It is for the good of all because everything begins in childhood, so we should take care and guide as best we can.

I have heard many compliments from “You’re doing a good job” “You’re amazing when you put your mind to things” and of course “You’re going to do great things when you get older.” I have always minimized my achievements and never took pride in any of my accomplishments. Deep down I felt I didn’t deserve any admiration no matter what I accomplished. I took Dual Enrollment and AP courses while achieving Honor roll, and being the most active volunteer in NHS. None of it mattered to me, because I felt like anyone could have accomplished the same thing as me with enough motivation and effort. I didn’t see this model student whom others bragged about. I saw myself as someone with more drive than others

I was raised in a caring and loving family in which we had everything we ever needed. If I or my brother needed anything we got it a laptop, phone, or even just money. The day I found out that my parents were getting a divorce had a devastating impact on my mind and heart. I didn’t realize how spoiled and lucky we truly were until after my parents’ divorce. We lived with my grandmother and went to a public school instead of a private school. I started to experience a new life in which I got to meet new friends and teachers. I started to slowly realize how no one if few had the upbringing I had which made me feel isolated inside. So any achievement I had I never talked about it unless forced to. I started to not care about learning as much, so I could fit in with others and feel like I was not the only one.

When I was in 10th grade my father started to appear back in my life, I never felt simultaneously so happy and sad. Because you don’t bring back good memories without the bad ones. Having both parents in my life, rekindled a drive in my heart to strive and learn more. I wanted nothing more than to please my parents and excel whenever I had the chance to. I started to take AP classes, challenge myself, and meet friends who had similar ambitions and goals to strive for. I saw and still see myself as someone who is still growing, changing, and improving. I started to come to terms with who I am and my accomplishments.

Even throughout my parents’ divorce, it was a blessing in disguise I got to see things from a new perspective.

A divorce is described as the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body, in other words, it’s the separating or dissociation from something in this scenario a spouse. According to the American Psychological Association about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. This statistic seems to be rising as time passes by at an alarming pace. There are numerous problems that a divorce may cause in the life of people directly and indirectly, however, certain issues that arise due to a divorce could also be avoided or fixed if it is handled in the right manner.

One of the major issues comes when children are involved in the marriage process, it is no secret that if a divorce does not go on as smoothly as it could go it may result in a lot of issues with the children involved in the family. According to the American Psychological Association article “How to split as smooth as possible” children often experience more problems when parents remain in high-conflict marriages instead of splitting up. So while a divorce might cause issues for the child, it is normally advisable to take the route of a divorce when a marriage seems to be more bad than good. In many scenarios the parents who are divorcing need to but do not explain to the child what is going to happen and what caused the issue. Not knowing what caused this leads a lot of children to believe that they might have been the cause of their parent’s divorce. I believe this is the first issue with the idea of a divorce. Honestly explaining to the children that they had nothing to do with the reasons as to why their parents have made such a decision could dramatically result in alleviating the an ounce but not all of the sadness that a divorce brings to the children involved.

Another issue is the fact that many couples do not seek premarital counseling. Typically, couples who participate in premarital counseling demonstrate overall positive psychological health (Stahmann, 2000 as cited in Murry and Murry, 2004) and do not have serious relationship problems (Senediak, 1990 as cited in Murry and Murry, 2004). The Parents should always try to prevent or if during the marriage work to use alternative ways to fix any problems that lead may to getting a divorce. It’s a saying that goes like this “Prevention is better than a cure”. And in this situation prevention of a divorce is always better than getting one. Making the act of getting a divorce in the first place a major issue regardless of how the situation is approached. The reason why the simple notion of the parents getting a divorce is a problem in the first place is that regardless of the outcome, a child’s life will be changed which normally results in significant mental developmental problems if not addressed properly.

The other issue with this concept is that certain parents are not strategic as to when or how the child is informed about this decision or even how long it takes for the child to be told about the decision. Generally, you want to tell your children about your decision to get a divorce sooner rather than later. You do not want to wait until your husband moves out. Kids are incredibly intuitive, so even though you think they might not know about this, they could already have an idea. And they need to hear it from you, and not from anyone else. The sooner you talk about it, the better. (Ravitz 2019). Numerous issues arise due to a divorce in a family, one could write for days about all the issues one is opened to when the conversation of a divorce is started. I believe however the number one issue with divorce is divorce.

In other words, we should try as much as humanly possible to prevent and work on issues before and during a marriage to avoid the possibility of marriages ending in divorce. Understandably, sometimes a divorce is inevitable no matter how much both parents try to work things out, in circumstances with there are ways as to which an individual is supposed to proceed to reduce the emotional distress it might cause parties involved especially the children or child. While each child may be different depending on the age or even personality, according to relate.org.uk these guidelines serve as the basic guidelines when a parent wants to break the news of a divorce to their children. It includes avoiding details they don’t need, such as information about affairs, using language the child will understand, reassuring your child that it’s ok to be upset, and letting them know that they can talk to you again if they want to. Another thing the parent can do to help in this situation is to also have answers to certain questions ready due to the likelihood of it being asked, like who will I live with, will I move and so much more. While different children will have different reactions to their parents getting a divorce, it is safe to say that some of the above-stated guidelines on how to break the news of a divorce to a child will be a great guideline when the situation calls for it.

Divorce has been practiced since the genesis of humanity. Did you know that there are signs that can tell if you will end up in a split with your spouse? Moreover, did you know that you can tell the signs way before the actual annulment of your marriage?

Well, read this. Broken families are a norm in this century. Couples seem to gravitate towards the ‘need for freedom’ when a husband and a wife can no longer accommodate the thought of being together. Some seek help from friends, family, role models, and even at the marriage chancellor’s desk to salvage their alliance. Splitting is never the best fix but in some cases, it’s the most necessary. Despite the need for elucidation, divorce has its pros and cons. The fragmented family faces diverse aftermath. The most common grounds that usher in divorce are infidelity, financial strain, violence, and children.

Before marriage people agree on shared goals like making a family and recreating their lineage. Children are a blessing but they come with a hidden price tag. Now when couples overlook this and dismiss the urgency to discuss these key goals from the beginning of their union with their significant other, they tend to put their relationship up to a recipe for chaos. This chaos brings about numerous arguments and failure to settle the misunderstanding brings discomfort, financial strain, and in the long run separation. Therefore people need to find out from their spouses what their marital intent is. A compatible partner for marriage is one whose detailed objectives in the union are similar to yours. Point out key milestones you hope to attain from the relationship and amicably discuss them.

Friends are a very important element in every person’s life. You can’t emphasize enough how significant it is to have a support system in our life today. No man is an island, so it was once spoken but lest we forget the same wise people once said show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. When a married person mingles and enjoys the company of single non ‘committed’ friends he somehow tends to get a bit attracted to how stress-free ‘uncommitment’ is. Well, that perspective that somehow these single people are tending to eat life from a big spoon sinks in, the married ones tend to somehow want to have a taste of it. The remedy for this is simple, have friends who have similar goals in life, and Minimize spending too much time with the ones whose priorities are different. Friends have the power to influence you.

Meddling family members can accelerate arguments, hence resulting in divorce. This might seem self-explanatory right? No, it is not. Sometimes the people who you tend to lean on most are family especially when friendship fails us. Family members at times miss the point when it comes to drawing the line between being helpful and mingling. At times family members take sides and this becomes overbearing with time.

Trying to change someone else’s perspective is difficult. Couples find themselves bickering over the mildest issues with their partners. It’s these small talks that vulcanize into arguments especially when trying to change the point of the other’s view. Well, who wants to live in an unpeaceful environment? A place of constant back and forth, with a ticking time bomb. A place where everywhere you step you have to double-check before it explodes… that life is stressful. Being in constant turmoil and argument every time surely kills the chemistry that builds the marriage foundation pillars. Experts at times say when the arguments don’t seem to end then that is an indicator of something underlying

Models and celebrities are on display everywhere showcasing ideal body weights. A beautiful body is an eye candy that creates a romantic ambiance in marriage. However, in the marriage fraternity weight gain at times is very unavoidable. it comes with progressing age, childbirth, and numerous lifestyle changes. on the contrary, couples feel that failure to do something about the weight projects itself as laziness, unromantic, and lazy. As much as that sounds harsh, it’s just human weakness. Men mostly find this as an excuse to end up looking for affairs outside marital institutions.

In a digital and social media day and age, friends, family, and strangers only post pictures on different platforms showcasing only what they want to display. The reality only seems to be farfetched. Only the shoe owner knows how much it hurts. So unless you have lived with your partner in your marriage, you then can never truly elaborate or describe the outcome. So never expect too much. Live a day at a time and always accommodate the fact that you are not a robot neither is your spouse!

You have to prepare yourself mentally for the fact that now it’s no longer only about your well-being. Remember one can never be fully prepared for tomorrow. However, it’s needless to say; never face your future without a plan at all. Know your partner, and go on numerous dates. Plan your future with the most suitable spouse. Write down short-term goals you intend to achieve together and draft the long-term ones. Go for pre-marital counseling and have people or a married couple that you look up to or even go to for advice even much later on in your married life. Lastly, accept that all will not be a bed of roses every day.

An abusive marriage is a very toxic kind of marriage. Over 20% of marriages dissolve because of brutality. Abuse can be physical, mental, or sexual harassment. Sadly most people who are abused tend to want to stay and hold on hoping that maybe their partners will change at one point. Violence can be of either gender but women have over the years been the major victims of violence. Additionally, this barbarism puts at risk all the members of the family. More dangerous effects like injuries, damage to property, and a high likelihood of facing charges, jail, or even death can result from this kind of habit. A married person should seek help if they find out that their spouse is temperamental. In our society today non-governmental bodies offer assistance.

Almost a third of all divorces are a result of a cheating spouse. People blame the devil for this. At times people have extramarital affairs because of greed or lust, and others have set very high unreal standards for their spouses while others are just polygamous. This last group of people tends to shift their wandering eyes elsewhere. They have ultra egos that are so egocentric. They are always looking for what they feel they miss from their current partners. Regardless of whatever justification people want to associate their urge for cheating with, infidelity is a sin. It wounds both parties undoubtedly. Is the grass greener from the other side? that’s the million-dollar question.

Some people have become masterminds of faking love and intimacy just to get a taste of wealth. This is very short-lived. Families that have little to no income are strained, always thinking about tomorrow. This uncertainty can only yield people who are consumed with stress and are incapable of thinking of how to better their marriage life. Depression kicks in afterward. For instance, if a family falls into bankruptcy due to job termination or debts, they cannot be eager to explore how to better their marriage.

In summary, finances affect marriage stability.

Can disabilities lead to a breakup? yes. This is complex and unfair grounds for separation. In the event of an accident, one may end up losing one of his sense organs. If this happens, it comes with a ton of budget and workload for the unaffected partner. If they are not compassionate enough, they won’t be able to withstand all the aftermath from such. In the long run, couples drift apart.

Sometimes people get employed and are required to relocate to a different place in pursuit of a job. This is a good thing though at times the distance between may interfere with how a couple used to relate. If the other one overstays eventually the other one might feel deserted. This separation if not careful can pave the way to cheating and lack of proper communication. Desertion over a long period might gravitate to a split up.

Inequality in marriage comes when one person feels like they are more superior to the other. This can translate to either physical, mental, or financial superiority. This kind of competitiveness can be a major reason for spouses bickering and always arguing. At times too you might feel as though the other one is being unfair and letting you run all the errands and the bad jobs alone. The narrative of a good cop and a not-so-good one applies here. One person always spending too much while the other is struggling to save something for the rainy day.

In conclusion, divorce is a sad thing. It is more tragic when children are involved. They get to witness the chaos and thrive in uncertainty. This has a long-term overall shortcoming if not dealt with adequately and sooner. The children after a divorce can go through long-lasting effects therefore the respective parents should consider how they will handle this problem way before the consequences way in. The grown-ups too need to practice activities that may activate self-awareness such as yoga, exercise, and creating healthy friendship circles. This will help them stay healthy after. Marriage is not an institution for the weak-hearted and it calls for instilling pivotal points like self-discipline, planning, preparing, and above all unconditional love. No union is more perfect than the other. However, no matter how much one wants their marriage to thrive in success, one should never put at risk their safety and sanity. When divorce is inevitable and necessary, seek it.

We cannot expect every marriage to be a successful one and if shall works then the partner involved in marriage should specialize in the division of work and resources in every aspect. Although divorce rates have increased over the years it has a major impact on the couple, children, and society as well. It includes psychological and emotional crises such as depression, anxiety, and regression. Factors leading to divorce include incompatibility, lack of commitment, domestic abuse, adultery, and financial instability. A study published in the JMH journal confirms that the aftermath of divorce has an impact on both men and women. Women tend to suffer more of the consequences because of stereotypical society, a decline in household income, and women are not often recruited into the job market. Sweden is considered one of the most gender-equal in the world (Human Development Report 2005) In Sweden women do more work than men, and women’s share of the housework decreases if their relative resources in terms of the level of education and social status increase. The article focuses on the importance of giving opportunities for women to attain education and to improve their social status to share equal housework with men. A summary of the article Divorce and division of Work states that divorce continues to be the interest of many scholars and it talks about predictors of divorce, associations between divorce and the well-being of children and former spouses, and interventions for divorcing. The driving force behind the separation of the couple and division of work is stated due to the employment of women, division of work, and resources.

Women entering the labor force have much pressure as they need to maintain a balance between housework and work life. Even though employment empowers women and makes them independent, she has to do the maximum of housework than her husband. Women do more housework than men, regardless of income, working hours, and level of education. Equal sharing of work is normal in a free regime when it is not in a conservative area’s regime. According to the article, women’s employment has solved the financial crisis in happy marriages but increased the divorce rate in unhappy marriages. It was argued that cohabiting couples have lasted more than other couples and when they live together, they develop a mutual understanding and commitment that makes the bond stronger. Whereas, those who are married without cohabiting have less commitment to love, and trust issues are bound to occur. Extramarital affairs and domestic violence are the main causes of divorce in the country, data from a RENEW report show. In my opinion, women entering the workforce and being educated have an independent life and equal division of work between men and women. When women are educated and are in the workforce, she has less pressure from household work as they are earning as well. Women who have dropped school or have married early are the ones who are facing the crisis of domestic violence and divorce in my view. I have witnessed a couple cohabiting before marriage has their relationship going smoothly compared to those entering into marriage without knowing each other for long. From my personal experience with my parent’s divorce, I came to know that the very cause of divorce is early marriage and they get married the day they meet and regret it in the future and end up involved in adultery. According to the Bhutanese context, the strong belief that women belong to the kitchen and men in the office demotivates women and is still practiced in some parts of the country. The net enrollment rate, that is girls attending school is 98.8% compared to boys which is 97%. Now women are given opportunities to study and to work in other fields so, it doesn’t affect their marriage instead leads to a happy family with stable finances. In Bhutan, divorce cases mostly arise not because of women entering into the job market but due to involvement in adultery, and when both parents are working it will affect the family bonding as they will be occupied with their work. Divorces are happening not only because of adultery, and women entering into the job but also because of the division of labor between the genders.

Economic dependency is viewed as one important explanation for differences in power resources between husbands and wives. Women with comparatively low education levels and women with low social status take on a greater share of the housework than do women with higher education levels and women with high social status. Women need to work less when they attain a higher education than their spouses or an equal level of social status. National Statistical Bureau’s Deputy said, that the traditional marriage is more stable probably because nuptials are based on close kinship ties. Serga Mathang and Serga Kothkin(golden cross-cousin) marriage, Jomo Ngengi (the practice of arranged marriage of lower Kheng), and Chungngen (childhood marriage) are some of the traditional practices in the country. From my reflection, women are bound to do the maximum work than men even though the women are educated or have high social status. What I strongly agree with is there should be a mutual understanding between men and women amid the high level of education and social status achieved. In the Bhutanese community, the belief is spiritually and morally stronger than the facts, because women from the 1800s have not attained any education other than depending upon their spouses and it was the tradition and culture they have been following for the past centuries. With the number of divorce cases rising, it affects the child’s behavior and mentality as well.

Research during the last decade continued to show that children with divorced parents, compared with children with continuously married parents, score lower on a variety of emotional, behavioral, social, health, and academic outcomes, on average. C One of the greatest results of separation is the impact it has on one’s child. Most partners resort to marrying and having a child, but shortly after, all their decisions are made without any delay, which ultimately hurts their child. Lots of researchers identify that; parents’ separation leaves one of the most terrible impacts on youngsters. Research shows that children with divorced parents are more likely to be depressed, have indecent behavior, and be scoreless in academics compared to married parents’ children. After the divorce nonresident parent just needs to change the childbearing strategy to compensate for the absence of the other parent. Thus, divorce affects some children mentally and emotionally but some take it as an opportunity or lesson for self-growth and individualism. Divorce is likely to affect the parents and might lead to depression, substance abuse, anxiety, and alcohol. From my point of view, I feel it gives you strength, and courage to feel the differences, pain, and sacrifices of both parents. The room for individualism develops which makes us even stronger to face the reality of being single-parent with my personal experience, after my parents got divorced, I dreamt of being a successful independent woman rather than being sad and abusing substances. In the Bhutanese context, women suffer the most after the divorce as they would be cheated on by their husbands and the woman not being educated drives herself towards the alcohol. Often the children are left with the wife without any alumni which makes it difficult for the single mother parent to raise the children.

All in all, gender creates the division of work which often leads to the divorce of the couple. Sweden Is well known as a gender-equal country but women need to work a little more than men regardless of the level of equality. When a woman gets employed, she barely gets time to manage overall household chores, and sometimes it leads to divorce in a conservative regime where women are not supposed to work. Another reason for the division of work and divorce amongst the couples arises because of early marriage rather than cohabiting. Relationships would last and go smoothly when you cohabitate before marrying directly because you get to know the personality of the person you choose to stay with for the rest of your lives. So, people who have undergone cohabitation are said to have a strong bond. Divorcing when the parents decide to might affect the children’s mentality, and physically, and it hard to focus on their dreams so, they might abuse substances and drugs to ease their pain. The solution to divorce and division of housework is to prevent early marriage, develop trust, and mutual understanding, and attain an equal level of education and social status.

References

1. Amato, P. R. (2010). Marriage and family. Children’s adjustment to divorce, 5-18.
2. BBS. (2015, July 21). Bhutan sees increasing Divorce. Retrieved from BBS news: http:www.bbs.bt

Filipinos have always been regarded as family-oriented citizens. The Philippine Constitution considers family as the basic unit of society thus, ideally, couples who are joined in marriage are expected to have children, build stable bonds as a family, and stay together until the end, which is the common Filipino concept of family life. However, Sta. Anna-Gatbonton & Hunt claim that some marriages crumble for one reason or another which frequently leads to wanting for a permanent legal dissolution of marriage before the death of either spouse, otherwise known as divorce. However, the fight to legalize such a law in the Philippines has always been put to uncertainty due to the dominance of Catholic belief in the country and legislation, but now that the drive to push for its passage is back on course, would the answer remain the same?

According to Emery, aside from the Vatican City, the Philippines is the only country in the world without a general divorce law, but as of today, the country’s legal regime authorizes legal separation, annulment, and declaration of nullity of marriage, although divorce by Muslims and indigenous people as well as one that is legitimately acquired abroad by a foreigner against a Filipino spouse, is sanctioned. “Should divorce be legalized in the country?” a known query that remains to be controversial until today. Religious communities have a belief that a man and woman, upon taking oaths and vows, declared faithfulness and tightened bonds to each other that even death cannot sever, for which it has become a focal underlying reason behind their strong resistance to the idea of divorce. However, each family faces a different kind of reality that circumstances of the other may not be the same with the minority. Undeniably, not all marriages remain a permanent and ideal union between husband and wife. The situations are not at all analogous and with that, the law affords a solution in the form of divorce to respond to a particular marital quandary falling within its contemplation to which the country, I think, should now be receptive.

Despite the Philippines being a predominantly Catholic country, a survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations on March 25-28, 2017, and December 8-16, 2017 showed that an average of 53% of adult Filipinos nationwide support the legalization of divorce for irreconcilably separated couples and agreed to the test statement stating that “Married couples who have already separated and cannot reconcile anymore should be allowed to divorce so that they can get legally married again.” The results further revealed “very strong” net agreement among women with live-in partners, men with live-in partners, and widowed/separated men. These results are voices of the majority that call for the passage of bills pursuing divorce which until now has not been heard of yet.

The conformity with the act of divorce is based on various grounds viewed from different perspectives of people who are to be involved in the case of legal marital dissolution. Contrary to the common belief that divorce leads to breaking family ties, Jacob posited that divorce protects and molds families to become more resilient, as, in the first place, a conflict-laden relationship between husband and wife in a family may have a greater possibility of affecting the children of the conflicted couple emotionally, mentally, and physically. Maxwell & Maxwell found that Filipino adolescents who observed familial aggression and violence are more likely to tend to adopt higher aggression despite gender. Meanwhile, in a study by Lambert in an article in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, several advantages of parental divorce experienced by children of divorced parents in Kentucky are reported. The children explained that the divorce of their parents is to be accounted why they learned many lessons on handling relationships and how they have become more resilient. They further stated that divorce provided them with “happier” parents, closer siblings, more attention from their parents, less stress/tension brought by frequent arguments, and an expanded social network as more family members supported them. This is similar to a statement of Takahashi, a member of the feminist group The Maya Collective and a daughter of divorced parents, in an article by Santos. “If keeping the family together means domestic violence, lack of family support, substance abuse, infidelity, health, and financial incapacities, then I don’t want it,” Takahashi’s statement went viral. Although not all children may feel the same way.

Amato & Irving posited that there are various programs and interventions for aiding parents and children to cope with the aftereffects of divorce that were examined by some research in the United States. They were found to be useful and effective such as divorce education classes, court or community-based education programs, and divorce mediation.

In an article by Santos, amid the hearing for the approval of divorce bills, Stella Sibonga took the courage to provide narration of her experience of living under her abusive husband who, according to Sibonga, put her in a marital purgatory through the usage of a machete which could have harmed her and their offsprings. Additionally, Len, who refused to reveal her surname publicly, suffered the same agony of enduring her husband’s philandering and physical abuse of her and her children. These are only a few situations where divorce could be of a big help. According to Gillis in an article by Jacob (2013), divorce serves as a “safety valve” that limits the conduct of domestic violence. He further added that divorce grants maltreated other halves an effective remedy to prevent such cases. With the fact that, currently, nullity, annulment, and legal separation are “expensive and discriminatory in favor of the right and powerful” Dalangin-Fernandez, the passage of this bill makes it easier for people to stay out of dysfunctional or abusive marriages for them to look for greater fulfillment with more compatible spouses and for them to develop personal growth within themselves.

Another point of advantage that was stressed by Jacob is that it is compliance with international human rights obligation as it is implied in the “right of to non-discrimination”, “equality of men and women”, “against torture and cruel”, “inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment”, and “to marriage and family”. This aims to protect both men and women from an abusive and unhealthy marriage, as it promotes equality of both male and female gender. A study by Yodanis examined the cross-national relationship between a divorce culture on a national level and gender equality in intact marriages. The results indicated that a divorce culture on the national level is linked to an increase in marital equality. This means that in countries where divorce is possible, the work between women and men in marriage is more equal pertaining that a possibility of divorce gives women a chance to have a more equal state with men within marriage.

Moreover, the current legal setting on marital dissolution bears discrimination based on economic class and gender thus, the chance of legalization of divorce in the country should also be given a fair share of consideration. Looking at the divorce bill, Cupin mentioned that divorce will be cheaper and faster compared to annulments. According to him, the Divorce Bill has clauses for providing maintenance to the innocent spouse, as well as waiving litigation fees for divorce applicants whose real properties are below PHP 5M. The bill looks into every part of the process of divorce. First, the bill was said to be drafted in consultation with OFWs, women’s groups, and other stakeholders. Second, there is a 6-month cooling-off period (waived for domestic abuse cases) and a ‘change of heart’ clause, should the couple agree to stay together even after the application has been filed. If not, then a lawyer, social worker, psychologist, and psychiatrist will be assigned to each case, and a joint plan for parenthood will be arranged. Furthermore, Daytec-Yangot claimed that allowing divorce among Muslims and indigenous people of the country while denying it to other Filipinos is a form of discrimination based on religion and ethnicity which is repugnant to Section 1, Article III of the 1987 Constitution that aims to preserve equality among Filipinos before the law. She further added that it is certainly a violation of the equal protection clause to force people to remain in unhappy or abusive marriages simply because they are poor, they are not Muslims, or they are not members of indigenous communities. Happiness is a universal human right, after all.

However, despite the agreement of the majority and the push of many lawmakers for divorce laws in the country, it has been continually denied. “What God has put together let no man put asunder”. This biblical quote is frequently heard among Filipinos, particularly among the older generations, to emphasize the significance and holiness of marriage. Abalos stated that the indissolubility of marriage is strongly advocated by the Catholic Church, which consists of about 80% of Filipino citizens. In an address delivered by Most Reverend Eric F. MacKenzie, S.T.D., J.C.D in Fall River, Massachusetts on June 29, 1953, he stated, “The Catholic Church strongly condemned divorce and remarriage as it taints the sacred character of marriage and the permanence of union ties.” This statement of MacKenzie points out to the solid opposition of church on the proposal of any form of divorce in all countries bound with Christianity.

Indeed, marriage is a sacrament vow of eternal union between man and woman, but circumstances cannot be predicted to be similar with all families. Marriage is rooted in love and the purpose of spending the rest of their lives with each other. However, for men and women who experienced quite the opposite of what they expected marriage to be and who are trapped in an unhappy marriage, divorce serves as the best way out of the failing marriage. If the love that binds a couple vanishes and turns out to be a rope that strangles and takes away one’s life is it still worthy for the couple to hang into? Others may say that divorce destroys family, but for others, it is the only resort left to save what is left there to be saved. Divorce is for those whose marriages have failed. Therefore, it should not be a hindrance to those who are happily married in the first place. Lastly, all laws are subjected to abuse, the best thing one can do is to exercise properly what the government shall permit us.

Bibliography:

1. Abalos, J.B. (2017). Divorce and separation in the Philippines: Trends and correlates. Demographic Research 36 (50): 1515-1548. doi: 10.4054/DemRes.2017.36.50.
2. Amato, P.R., & Irving, S. (2005). A historical perspective on divorce in the United States. In M. Fine, & J. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution (pp.41–58).Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
3. Cupin, B. (2018, February 22). Explainer: What are the grounds, and provisions in the House divorce bill? Rappler. Retrieved from https://www.rappler.com/nation/196612-explainer-house-divorce-bill
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Hiraya Divorce Support strengthens the legalization of divorce in the Philippines. The purpose of this group is to help people who suffer from a miserable relationship. Where we advocate divorce to help them get out of those relationships and start a new life. Our group will focus on the movement for divorce legalization. Many suffer from failed marriages that can’t cut bonds with. We aim to encourage and persuade Filipinos to support the legalization of divorce in our country, and to understand the benefits of divorce when it is legalized in the Philippines. Marriage is indeed intended to last forever, and vows are meant to be fulfilled. Marriage is a sacred union between individuals, so it must be valued and embraced with love. But what if the affection that was once shared by a couple fades away? What if, as time goes on, love becomes fragile and uncertain? We are also vulnerable to change within our fast-changing society. A change in our body, mindset, attitude, and also in our relationships. Supposing that all, the serenity, ends and an individual begins to live a life full of misery? All of a sudden it turned the beauty into a living nightmare, will you be satisfied anyway? Are we going to be naive about the abuse, unfaithfulness, desertion, and lies? Divorce will be one of the ways to settle these issues. The termination of the marriage of a couple. This paper shows our stand-in Divorce Bill in the Philippines, and why it should be implemented.

Under Articles 55 to 67 of Title II in the Family Code of the Philippines. There are some ways of terminating a marital relationship wherein rights and duties would be dissolved with the help of Legal Separation. Spouses are entitled to live separately from each other, and they also cannot be remarried to someone. Many people believed that a husband and wife only had the opportunity to part ways of married life through death. But nowadays, these spouses may also file for legal separation, which will allow them to separate their properties and live separated from their partners. The problem was it does not legally end a marital relationship and thus does not even permit remarriage. But with the Muslim religion, they can freely file for divorce anytime under their law, which is the Code of Muslim Personal Laws. Another option is the annulment, which in the Philippines is a long and expensive court procedure. Once it ends a marriage, is different from divorce in many important ways. Under the law, reasons can include one or both parties who have been below the age of 18 when they got married, either a spouse having a serious sexually transmitted disease cases of polygamy, or mistaken identity. A husband or wife may also file for legal separation from his or her partner who has been sentenced to imprisonment for more than 6 years. Also, if the complainant makes a statement that his/her partner threatens to kill him/her or is involved in drug obsession, excessive alcoholism, homosexuality, human trafficking, and sexual infidelity.

The process of annulment, legal separation, and declaration of nullity is allowed in the Philippines but why not divorce? Beyond everything, they are all just the same – they aim for separation. With the broken system in which they are, one will never go wrong, and it would be immensely advantageous for the oppressed to restore their freedom and rights. The current options in the Family Code, which is an annulment and legal separation are not enough, they do not give complete relief to qualified parties. It is also painful to go through annulment and under the law, you have to accuse someone, you have to say you’re incapacitated, you’re saying that the marriage never existed, which is not true. Besides, only the rich and influential are included in the process of annulment and legal separation. It is expensive and it will take decades to overcome it, those who cannot afford to obtain one will be left with no choice other than imprisoned in the condition in which they are. There are drastic financial disparities between annulment and divorce. But it will benefit even the less fortunate to file a separation from a partner who may be having a marital failure, with the legalization of divorce, and refuses to seek help. Thus, if the law is passed, divorce will be cheaper than annulment will provide a quick solution to a marital failure, and will support Filipinos anywhere they are.

Throughout the world, the Philippines and Vatican City are the only states that are still against the legalization of divorce though it allows an annulment of marriages. The Vatican is an independent state led by a pope, who also leads the Catholic Church. The Philippines, meanwhile, is a significant majority Catholic country. Almost 90% of the population in the Philippines is Catholic, and the beliefs of the Catholic churches strongly affect the movement for divorce to be legal. According to Jayeel Cornelio, a sociologist from Manila’s Ateneo University. The resistance of the catholic churches to the movement for divorce to be legal is not supported by the public but only themselves. The reason is that the Philippines is assumed to be pro-family to protect the family and strengthen the family and divorce will only disrupt the image of the Philippines where family bonds are prioritized, by Auxiliary Bishop Broderick Pabillo of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Manila. As a result, movements for a divorce bill to become law are still not progressing due to the power of catholic churches and their religious beliefs saying that divorce is not needed in the country. Some other countries allow their residents to divorce under some conditions, even though those conditions may not be similar in the United States where divorce is legal and liberated. However, many countries place restrictions on who can terminate their marriages and under what circumstances. Divorce also has been sacred in many Middle Eastern countries. In Turkey and Iran, spouses must do counseling first to fix their issues before they can even think about divorce. In other words, divorce is legal in their country, but it takes time to achieve it. In the Philippines, Most Filipino marriages mostly exist on paper or as a formality that resulted from a lack of divorce laws. Statistics from the Philippines Office of the Solicitor General (OSG) show that there were more than 10,000 petitions filed to end marriages in 2013, out of a population of roughly 100 million, with women filing slightly more than half of the petitions. The most recent statistics OSG provided, based on a sample of such cases from 2010 to 2011, showed that 6 percent of these petitions were dismissed or denied.

The Philippines has a never-ending debate if its implementation would enhance the country’s status in terms of marital separation. We are a secular state, where no religious group has the right to define law or policy for the entire population. People who say that divorce is not advisable for the Philippines to forget or ignore our history (Ursua, 2013). From 1917 until August 30, 1950, when the 1950 Civil Code took effect, we had a divorce law. The latter law banned Filipinos from divorcing, and under the new Family Code, the prohibition remains. However, divorce has always been practiced by Muslim Filipinos, as permitted by Philippine law. Today, under the Code of Muslim Personal Law of the Philippines (Presidential Decree No. 1083), promulgated in 1977, divorce remains open to Muslim Filipinos. Moreover, not every marriage was accompanied by ‘God’ even though it took place in a church. This may seem to be a rationalization. Let us not forget that Spain is Christianity’s roof, but divorce has been instituted and they are benefiting from it now. Each day, regardless of what the law says, there are Filipinos who get married, bear children, separate, and get into other relationships. The enactment of divorce, which plays a significant role in legally and emotionally liberating people to form a more secure relationship, is a major break for us.

In the Philippines, more than half of Filipinos are in favor of divorce being legal in the country, but divorce is not seen as an issue by the president, thus the legalization of divorce is showing no progress at all. The president of the Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte is against divorce. He opposed the Divorce Bill because it would be unfair and hurt the abandoned spouses and children. According to him, the children will be affected and if it were to happen, the mistreated spouses after the divorce would lose their right to file cases against their spouses. But the public clearly shows in surveys that most Filipino citizens are in favor of the law to be legalized, while the House of representatives approves of this law. Therefore, it appears that divorce isn’t an issue in regards to the president and catholic churches, but the citizens highly want this law to be implemented. The lack of support by the president clearly states that divorce isn’t coming sooner or later. That being said most citizens who suffer from their current spouses will be forced to cope with the situation at hand. The negative effect that will happen is, that without divorce, many Filipinos will suffer in their miserable relationship. Divorce law will offer a solution that is not provided in Article 36 of the family code. It terminates a marriage depending on the ground that happened during the marriage, which makes the partnership no longer tangible. The law should give the citizen the right to exercise themselves in compliance with their values. This is the chance for them to start again. If the country seeks progress, the Filipinos should face the challenges of marriage, and the divorce law should be passed now.

The divorce bill can help women and children who are abused and trapped in a relationship will be able to get out of a miserable relationship. And it will be a chance to rebuild family and know the true relationship. One of the major reasons why divorce should be implemented is because of the increased incidence of battered wives, where intimate partner violence is the most common violence against women in our country. The violence can be verbal, psychological, and physical. Women, nowadays, lack confidence and they feel that there are no laws to protect them. Because of the absence of a law that would allow them to part ways legally and reasonably, couples stay together. Women are the ones who suffer more. Rather than living together under one roof and sinning by their abuse that will harm and traumatize the innocent children, it would be better for a couple to part ways. This will have a positive impact on the abandoned spouse and the children can start a new life. Divorce will give support to battered women and their children. It will not destroy the family’s foundation but rather give couples hope to restore their lives and have a better relationship. The way to make their children fight the challenge that they had, their parent should give them endless love and determination. This will help them to grow and know that they are still loved.

To summarize this group’s claims, divorce is the solution to the cries of Filipinos who can no longer save their marriage. It is unfair to ignore the voices of those who are hurting and to turn a blind eye to their suffering. To these souls, not legalizing divorce is complete oppression. Empathy is needed because they are not lucky enough to experience fulfillment in their marital relationships. If the law is implemented, many will benefit from it. If you choose to become one with us and support our goal, many will be able to get out of unhealthy marriages. Looking at it logically, we are being compared to the rest of the world. While other countries can divorce and remarry, in the Philippines we are still blinded by our beliefs. We, therefore, conclude that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines because divorce is a choice, and we all should have the freedom to make choices. Divorce grants people a new beginning to lead happier lives. Living in a marriage where love, respect, and compatibility are gone is a life without hope.

Hiraya Divorce Support is a group of four researchers from Lyceum of the Philippines University – Cavite which seeks to implement divorce in the Philippines. The group’s name Hiraya, originated from the popular phrase which means ‘may the wishes of your heart be granted’. As the phrase states, we aim to provide an opportunity to connect with families and help them through the most challenging times of their lives. This group is dedicated to supporting the legalization of divorce in the Philippines.

References:

1. The ASEAN Post Team. (2018, June 23). Legalizing divorce in the Philippines. The ASEAN Post. https://theaseanpost.com/article/legalising-divorce-philippines.
2. Divorce Magazine. (2014, October 14). Philippines Divorce Advocates Continue to Fight for Legal Divorce. https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/philippines-divorce-advocates-continue-to-fight-for-legal-divorce
3. Family Law. (2017, September 29). Divorce Rate by Country: The World’s 10 Most and Least Divorced Nations: Unified Lawyers. Unified Lawyers Sydney. https://www.unifiedlawyers.com.au/blog/global-divorce-rates-statistics/.
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5. Hilario, E. M. (2020, February 21). Should we legalize divorce? https://manilastandard.net/mobile/article/
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8. Nonato, V. (2020, February 10). Why Annulment And Legal Separation Are Not Enough For Divorce Advocates. OneNews. https://onenews.ph/why-annulment-and-legal-separation-are-not-enough-for-divorce-advocates.
9. Rey, M. V. (2020, November 11). Title II: Legal Separation: Family Code of the Philippines. https://philnews.ph/2020/11/11/title-ii-legal-separation-family-code-of-the-philippines/.
10. Rey, A. (2019, September 17). Hontiveros: The divorce bill is ‘pro-family, pro-children’. https://www.rappler.com/nation/hontiveros-says-divorce-pro-family-children.
11. Santos, A. P. (2018, June 11). The Only Country in the World That Bans Divorce. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/06/divorce-philippines-annulment/396449/.
12. Sullivan, M. (2018, May 23). Divorce Is Prohibited In The Philippines, But Moves Are Underway To Legalize It. NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2018/05/23/613335232/divorce-is-prohibited-in-the-philippines-but-moves-are-underway-to-legalize-it.
13. Ursua, E. G. (2013, February 2). Why the Philippines Needs a Divorce Law. Positively Filipino | Online Magazine for Filipinos in the Diaspora. http://www.positivelyfilipino.com/magazine/2013/2/why-the-philippines-needs-a-divorce-law.
14. Villacorta, R., Myles, Seblos, G., & Lynn, P. (2015, October 27). Philippines Guide. https://www.philippinesinsider.com/legal/legal-separation-in-the-philippines/.
15. Wibawa, T. (2018, October 8). The Philippines is one of two countries where divorce is illegal, trapping women in marriages. ABC News. https://amp.abc.net.au/article/10332600.

Introduction to Marriage Views and Divorce in Christianity

Marriage has been a very special part of individual’s lives throughout history. There are many different views on marriage. Some see it as a civil contract whereas others see it as a divine institution. Some hold the marriage relationship to a very high standard and hope to stay in one marriage until death, but others enter marriage with divorce being an option if things do not work out. Rather one sees marriage as a civil or divine institution, both agree that the marriage can dissolve with help from the law of the state. The difference each view has is what one should use in deciding if a divorce should happen. As Christians, marriage has been seen as a covenant made between man and woman before God. With this view, most believe that this covenant should not be broken unless permitted by God in scripture.

Scriptural Debates on Permissible Reasons for Divorce

This becomes a problem because many argue what scripture deems as permissible and impermissible reasons for divorce. Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage by the state and more and more people today are filing for divorce. The United States has had the highest divorce rate in the world ever since 1889. The reasons for a biblically permissible divorce have changed throughout histories and denominations of Christianity. According to Rev. Delk, “Seven main causes… now stimulate the demand for divorce. Adultery, cruelty, desertion, drunkenness, neglect to provide, combinations of preceding causes, conviction of felony, impotency, insanity, incompatibility of temper, and other causes are legal grounds in many states…. relation, the most intimate and sacred of all time” (Divorce and Social Welfare). The argument among Christians is which of these reasons are found to be acceptable in scripture. Most biblical scholars would argue that divorce is allowed in the case of adultery, but after that it varies. One debated reason for divorce is domestic violence. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence is a terrible crime that no spouse should have to endure. Based on scriptural understanding and research done on biblically permitted reasons for divorce, domestic violence is a permitted reason.

Domestic Violence: A Widespread Issue Across Demographics

Domestic violence does not discriminate on gender, economic status, religion, age, race, etc. There are many different forms of domestic violence. Sexual, physical, emotional, financial, verbal, and economic abuse are a few of the possible ways domestic violence can be displayed. Heather Flory in, “’I Promise to Love, Honor, Obey… and Not Divorce You’: Covenant Marriage and the Backlash Against No-Fault Divorce” has found that “national probability samples estimate that 25-30 percent of women and 8 percent of men will experience violence at the hands of a spouse or partner at some point in their lives”. This goes to show that many are facing the problem of domestic violence. Abusers hope to gain control and power over their spouse and use abuse to do this.

Misuse of Religion in Justifying Domestic Violence

False assumption has often been made among Christians that intimate partner violence only occurs in non-Christian households. This has not been found true. Although statistics can be hard to find since many who are experiencing abuse will not admit in surveys, it is thought that there are many in the church experiencing abuse. Many times religion has been used as an excuse for husbands to abuse their wife by twisting scripture and its call for wives to submit to their husbands. Daphne Majapie Madiba explained how religion has been used to harm women, “Religion has had a detrimental effect on women worldwide. Used to excuse the prejudicial treatment of women, to degrade them and restrict them to endless childbearing and drudgery. Perpetuated inequalities among men. Nowhere have misinterpretations and biases in the name of religion been more vigorously applied than in the case of women” (Domestic Violence in Christian Homes: A Durban Case Study). While this has been seen to be very true, it also has been seen to be true that religion has often been what has given women hope and freedom. Victims of domestic violence have clung to the hope that Jesus offers them and used this hope to be free of their ongoing abuse. While Christian marriages also experience abuse, many experience high quality and success in marriage which is thought to be due to their religious devotion and accurate interpretation of scripture. It is important that Christians can accurately interpret scripture so that any victim of domestic abuse can be liberated rather than oppressed. Church leadership should be sure to voice that abuse is never okay and offer help to those who need it.

If one has grown up in church or been attending church regularly for some time, then it is probable that they have heard that adultery is a biblically permissible reason for divorce, and they may have even heard that if one’s spouse leaves them then that is permissible as well. It is less probable, however, that they have heard, rather or not domestic violence is seen as biblically permissible. According to Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9, adultery is the only mentioned reason for divorce, so one can see why adultery has often been discussed as an accepted reason for divorce among Christians. In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul discusses how if one’s spouse is an unbeliever and that unbelieving spouse leaves them then this is an acceptable divorce. This verse has led many to believe that desertion is another biblically permissible reason for divorce. According to scripture, adultery and desertion are both acceptable reasons for divorce.

Scriptural Interpretation and Domestic Violence as Grounds for Divorce

Domestic violence is not mentioned in scripture as a reason for divorce, but in “The Church and Divorce” by Professor James W. Richard, D.D. he states the question, “Is not an incurably, brutishly inebriate husband a deserter of his wife?” This statement brings forth the interpretation that in 1 Corinthians 5:17, an abuser could be considered a deserter which would allow for divorce in an abusive marriage. Even though the abuser has not physically left the spouse, they have failed to give them “conjugal rights” as 1 Corinthians 7:3 (ESV) demands. The word “separates” in Greek is “chorizo” meaning to dissociate one’s self, to part, to withdraw. (Step Bible) When one is abusing their spouse, they are withdrawing from how the marriage union should be, so they too are a deserter. The idea that an abusive spouse can be seen as a deserter allows for the biblical permission that many Christian victims of abuse are looking for in order to get a divorce.

Jesus’ Teachings and Principles on Human Well-being and Love

An interesting viewpoint of why domestic violence is a biblically permissible reason for divorce is in the teachings of Jesus in Matthew 19:3-9, Matt 5:31, Mark 10:2-12, and Luke 16:8. Many scholars have pointed out that only in Matthew is sexual immorality listed as a reason for divorce. This begs the question on rather or not Jesus said this or Matthew inserted it. Rev. Edwin Delk, D.D. in, “The Biblical Teaching Concerning Divorce” stated that Matthew inserted this exception. Regardless on rather this is true, Delk points out that “Jesus dealt with great principles, not with rules of conduct. He is not a legislator, but a great ethical and religious teacher”. With this idea, one can take away that Jesus did not have a set of rules regarding what is an acceptable divorce and what is not. Instead, he taught on principle. He was concerned with the principle that one should regard love for the well-being of each human in how they treat them. According to Delk, “Every broken marriage is a violation of the fundamental law of man’s being of that which the one principle of regard for human well-being”. Since humans are sinful and broken people, there is no one on earth that has a high enough morality and wisdom to determine legal grounds of divorce, so Christians must use Jesus’ principles to help guide them in these decisions. Since abusing one’s spouse does not hold love and human well-being as a principle as Jesus taught then it can be a biblically permissible reason for divorce.

Some may argue that the deserter mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:15 is an unbeliever which is what allows for the divorce, so in the case of an abusive believer the victim should not divorce their spouse. While the abuser may claim to be a believer, Barbara Roberts in her book, Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery, and Desertion, claims that “no one could be a true Christian and engage in months/years/decades of coercive control and cruelty towards their spouse”. Her claim is correct, and she points out that Christians are called to put out hypocritical Christians from the church (1 Corinthians 5:9-13). This allows for the divorce to continue to take place with biblical permission because the abuser is an unbeliever who has deserted their spouse. There are other arguments that one should not divorce their abusive spouse because of the call in Ephesians 5 for wives to submit to their husbands. Some have taken this to account for abuse. They argue that a woman should not divorce their husband since they are supposed to do whatever the husband says which leads to a life of living in a controlled and violent home. For one to take this stance they are twisting scripture to fulfill their own desires which is never okay. In the same chapter, it discusses that “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies… For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church”. For a husband to demand their wife to submit to them whatever way they request and then to hurt her body he is not living out the entirety of this passage. They are contradicting themselves and showing themselves to be hypocrites. One must study scripture, so that they can recognize that scripture does not support abuse in a marriage and that God’s call to love frees them of any such abuse in their marriage.

Conclusion: The Church’s Role in Addressing Domestic Violence and Divorce

With marriage being such an important aspect in the majority of Christian household’s and divorce being so prevalent in today’s society, it is not surprising that many struggle to know what reasons for divorce are biblically permissible and which ones are not. One might assume that every Christian would believe that a divorce due to domestic violence would be biblically permissible, but sadly many find themselves staying in this violent marriage because they believe it would be sinful to leave. It is important that people of leadership in the church are knowledgeable in scripture and how it regards to domestic violence. Once they are knowledgeable on this, they should speak out on the issue of abuse so that more victims can be freed. There are many places in scripture, many of which were discussed earlier, one can turn to in order to speak out on this. Marriage was created as a beautiful covenant between two people who love each other, but sadly human brokenness has caused it to, if not careful, become a scary and violent relationship that many find themselves in. There is hope, however, that one does not have to stay in this situation forever because there are findings in scripture that allow them to leave. While divorce is biblically permissible in situations of domestic violence there are stories of marriages that have found redemption and been able to have a safe and loving marriage. When one puts Jesus Christ as Lord over their life then it allows for redemption to take place regardless of how hard it may seem. One must use the principles that Jesus taught and wisdom from Godly council in deciding what direction they should go for their marriage, but no one should remain in a marriage environment where they are putting their life, their family’s life, and potentially society in harms way.

“You promise everything’s gonna be okay?”, I ask my mother every night before hopping into bed. It’s almost as if every time I do this, a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I can peacefully fall asleep once I hear her reply with, “Yes I promise, now goodnight”.

I’d say it’s my way of receiving that reassurance I’m constantly searching for. I never used to do this, but as you get older, life becomes a much more shifter and winding road, and everyone has their thing that keeps them going. For me, to keep going head on at things, it’s reassurance from the ones I am closest with and place the most trust in. That would be my mom.

Negative situations make the good situations ten times better. I can say this firmly because being an only child with divorced parents, you go through a lot. For me and my particular situation, a lot more than the usual. It’s almost like a road with tunnel after tunnel after tunnel. There are plenty of dark and confined times that we all eventually get out of, but as we look on, we see more of these tunnels ahead, and that always creates worry. It makes me cherish the times where there’s light and little to no worries.

I was five years old when my parents separated. Being so young, there’re not many memories I can recollect now to describe how I felt when I first found out. I believe I didn’t even really realize what was happening. We packed up and left, and I don’t think my five-year-old self thought twice. From when I was twelve to now, I can clearly remember and describe everything that has happened to me in result of the divorce. Negatively and positively. For me, the divorce of my parents will affect me for the rest of my life. Already now, at seventeen, it has made a major impact on me. The numerous times of frustration, hopelessness, fright, heartache, and worriedness I felt have shaped me into who I am today. A determined, goal-oriented, intelligent, and hardworking young woman. Those times have also made me extremely stronger for later in life when I encounter those feelings again. I’ll be able to handle them much simpler than most others.

My mom was, and has, always been the absolute number one person in my life I go to for words of encouragement, advice, and of course, reassurance. Whether the words she gives back are helpful or not, they are cherished. There is just something about hearing it from your own mother that makes the words she says so much more meaningful and trustworthy. “This too shall pass” was what my mother often resorted to as the cliche phrase of encouragement, she tells me that that’s what my ‘boosha’ (grandma) would always say to her when she was my age.

As I look back at obstacles I once faced, I realize that at some of those times, I definitely made a mountain out of a molehill, but at the time, I really thought the world was crashing down around me and I’d never get out of it, but spoiler alert, I always did. To give an example, because my mother is a single mother, and in the financial situation we’re in, buying a house was almost never considered. We resorted to renting every house we’ve lived in because that was the best-case scenario. In the year of 2015, we moved into a house that we planned on living in for a while. Without writing a whole novel, because we rented this house, it wasn’t ours and a circumstance came up where our landlord decided she wanted to stop renting the house and to put it up for sale because of her own financial situation. So basically, we had no choice. Our house was put up for sale and my mom and I had thirty days to pack up our house, find a new place, and move into it. I can hands down say this was one of the most stressful times of my life. We did as much as we could to find a place, but it was just not in our cards whatsoever. At some point we were actually considered buying a house because in our area, decent houses to rent were not very common. Eventually, nothing became in our favor, so we had to move in with my grandma for a few months so we had more time to search. We both didn’t want to do this, but we had no choice. We were on a time limit.

I’m a firm believer that I’m only the person I am today because of everything that has happened both positive and negative in my life. I also believe having my divorced parents and the dilemmas that resulted, and are still resulting from that situation, have caused me to become the sedulous young adult I am today. I have strenuous lifetime goals that have already been set in stone that not anyone’s opinion can change. This is all because of the negative times I’ve seen my parents go through and even experienced myself. It sets up an example for me of what I don’t want to have to go through.

Criticism of the law under MCA 1973:

There has been strong criticism of the current law over the decades, describing an archaic system based on fault. Despite its appearance as non-fault biased, the evidence to support an irretrievable breakdown of marriage suggests otherwise. In 2019 Rowling notes that there is no evidence that “fault acts as a buffer’ to slow the divorce process down[footnoteRef:1]. Whereas Crouse points out that the cooling-off period required serves as a solution to protect the children from divorce[footnoteRef:2]. Although it does offer time for parties to adequately make arrangements. Opinions of critics on the substance the MCA differs although all call for a need to reform or amend the current law on divorce. The Law Commission concluded in 1966 that the first objective of the law should be not to undermine the stability of marriage but should also be to enable the law to maximise fairness[footnoteRef:3] ultimately concluding that the need for reform was paramount. Despite this, they foresaw that until a major decision on the point of law has been reached, any change would be premature[footnoteRef:4]. The government consulted on proposals for divorce reform that became part of the Family Law Act 1996. Its subsequent white paper, Looking to the Future[footnoteRef:5], set out concerns that are reflected by the present government is looking to reform. The Lord Chancellor at the time, Lord Mackey, noted that there was “considerable discontent with the current system”[footnoteRef:6]. Furthermore, the law commission published a paper in 1988[footnoteRef:7], criticising the law for being misleading and confusing and that the changes attempted had “not been realised”[footnoteRef:8] falling short of where it should be. [1: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the government’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127, pg.122] [2: J. S. Crouse, ‘No-Fault Divorce hits children hardest’ (2013)] [3: Law Commission, (1966) Reform of the grounds of Divorce: The field of choice report, (Law Com No’006, Cm 3123) pg. 10 para. 15] [4: Law Commission, (1966) Reform of the grounds of Divorce: The field of choice report, (Law Com No’006, Cm 3123) pg. 10 para. 56] [5: L. Trinder, D. Braybrook, C. Bryson, L. Coleman, C. Houlston and M. Sefton, Finding Fault?: Divorce Law and Practice in England and Wales (London: Nuffield Foundation, 2017)] [6: Lord Chancellor’s Department, Looking to the Future: Mediation and the Ground for Divorce, Command Paper Cm 2799 (London: HMSO, 1995), Pg.6] [7: Law Commission, Facing the Future: A Discussion Paper on the Ground for Divorce, Law Com. No.170, Command paper HC 479 (London: HMSO, 1988),] [8: Law Commission, Facing the Future: A Discussion Paper on the Ground for Divorce, Law Com. No.170, Command paper HC 479 (London: HMSO, 1988), 20]

Family law places great importance on children’s welfare. For instance, The Children Act 1989 sets out that a child’s welfare should be the court’s principal concern when determining any relevant question about the child’s upbringing[footnoteRef:9]. Trinder has argued that the gap between the theory and the law in practice has offended Lord Bingham’s[footnoteRef:10] first principle of the rule of law which must “be intelligible, clear and predictable”[footnoteRef:11]. This could be seen in the often-vague decisions of the court in common law that get overruled by a similarly multifaceted decision. The creation of unnecessary conflict forces any couples to blame each other when there is no real need[footnoteRef:12], adding to the court’s difficulty in making clear decisions benefiting all parties. Domestic abuse representatives in the 2019 response document to the 2018 consultation by the government, note the catharsis of finding the blame on the abusive party, but there was no actual constructive benefit for the victim[footnoteRef:13]. The prolonged exposure to the abuser furthers the harm already made and postpones any recovery. The process highlights the personal reasons behind the divorce which Trinder additionally believes should be kept private[footnoteRef:14]. Producing a long list of transgressions raises privacy issues potentially breaching Article 8 ECHR[footnoteRef:15] of the respondent and any children, the practice of which is ill-advised in court. There may be better avenues that end in the same result that have reduced anger and disappointment in the process. The divorce procedure places unnecessary hardship of the couple. Those that cannot afford to live separately have to live on the same property but refuse to speak to each other and eat together to ensure they meet the requirements indicated in Hollens v Hollens[footnoteRef:16]. Where the couple failed to speak, eat or sleep together whilst living within the same property, thus the court could not award a divorce on this basis. Criticisms arose largely illustrating the law as confusing and misleading; as the law tells spouses that the only ground for divorce is irretrievable breakdown seeming not to involve fault. Which contradicts the truth that one of the five facts must be established and three of them do involve fault. The only reconciliation provision in the MCA is s.6(1), requires a solicitor acting on the behalf of the petitioner to certify whether reconciliation has been discussed with the client[footnoteRef:17], thus having no real impact on the petitioner. The Law Commission drew attention to the defects of the current law declaring the separate facts, even with clear requirements, [footnoteRef:18] are subject to manipulation[footnoteRef:19]. The finding carried out by YouGov in 2015[footnoteRef:20] for resolution is mirrored by the findings in Finding Fault?[footnoteRef:21] illustrating that individuals petitioning for divorce used the fault biased facts as it was the easiest and often quickest option[footnoteRef:22]. [9: s1(1) The Children Act 1989] [10: Lord Bingham, “Rule of Law” [2007] 66 C.L.J. 67, 69-70] [11: Liz Tinder, Divorce Reform in England and wales: the human rights perspective. E.H.R.I.R. 2018, 6,557-559, ] [12: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the gov’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127 pg.122] [13: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg.42] [14: Liz Tinder, Divorce Reform in England and wales: the human rights perspective. E.H.R.I.R. 2018, 6, 557-559] [15: Article 8 European Convention of Human Rights (1950)] [16: Hollens v Hollens [1971] 115 SJ 237] [17: S.6(1) MCA 1973] [18: Law Commission, Facing the Future: A Discussion Paper on the Ground for Divorce, Law Com. No.170, Command paper HC 479 (London: HMSO, 1988), pg. 35] [19: Which the government mentions in the response paper, Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019)] [20: LexisNexis, ‘Resolution urges MPs ‘to get behind’ no-fault divorce’ (Family Law, 4 December 2015) accessed 5 January 2020] [21: Liz Trinder, D. Braybrook, C. Bryson, L. Coleman, C. Houlston and M. Sefton, Finding Fault?: Divorce Law and Practice in England and Wales (London: Nuffield Foundation, 2017) ] [22: Liz Trinder, D. Braybrook, C. Bryson, L. Coleman, C. Houlston and M. Sefton, Finding Fault?: Divorce Law and Practice in England and Wales (London: Nuffield Foundation, 2017) pg.39]

At the time the Law Commission criticised divorce law for being discriminatory and unjust. The ability to contest divorce is rarely used with only 2%[footnoteRef:23] giving notice that they intend to contest. In the Court of Appeal judgement form Owens v Owens[footnoteRef:24], Sir James Munby observed that the number of contested petitions that proceed to court was minute[footnoteRef:25]. Further research conducted by Trinder in No Contest[footnoteRef:26] observed most defended cases that reach court are settled, rather than decided by a judge due to the high cost, extended time frame and ultimately burdensome responsibility for the courts. The Governments response is that they want to introduce a minimum timeframe for the couple for the process of divorce[footnoteRef:27], attempting to ensuring that the decision remains fair and considerate. [23: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Reform of the legal requirements for divorce. (2018) pg.20] [24: Owens v Owens [2017] EWCA Civ 182] [25: Owens v Owens [2017] EWCA Civ 182, para. 98] [26: L. Trinder and M. Sefton, No Contest: Defending Divorce in England and Wales (London: Nuffield Foundation, 2018), pg. 5] [27: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg. 25]

An attempt at reform:

It must be noted that the government attempted to reform divorce law with the Family Law Act [FLA] 1996, aiming to reform the MCA 1973. The attempt was overly ambitious and too complex[footnoteRef:28] making it difficult to enact. Despite being subsequently repealed in 2001, the aim of reducing family conflict in the act was, and are, still supported by the government. A. More notes that the governments’ “campaign for reform has not abated”[footnoteRef:29], shown clearly when the government attempted the ‘No-Fault Divorce’ Bill in 2015 and again in 2019 with the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill 2017-2019 which were both unsuccessful. The Act would have retained the sole ground for divorce and abolished the five facts of breakdown, replacing them with complex steps[footnoteRef:30] before a divorce could be granted. Due to the findings of the various pilot testing’s the act was eventually repealed with the MCA remaining the current law. It was originally thought that the reforms made by the FLA were ground-breaking, however, the criticism which relates to the fault elements says otherwise. [28: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg. 17] [29: A. More, Family property: reforming family law – what does 2019 have in store? P.C.B. 2019, 2, 68-71. Pg. 68] [30: ss.9, 12(2) Family Law Act 1996 ]

Recent Reform Proposal On Divorce:

Over the years there have been many proposals demanding a second reformation on the law of divorce. The current proposal by the government is an altered version of the law under MCA 1973. There is a belief that when the UK leaves the EU it will undoubtedly play a huge part in changing international legal landscapes[footnoteRef:31]. Subsequently, the EU will have no say in divorce proceedings besides the preestablished EU law eventually becoming national law with the European Union (Withdrawal) Act 2018[footnoteRef:32]. After jurisdiction will be governed by the Hauge Convention[footnoteRef:33] and any treaties signed post-Brexit. In Miller Smith v Miller Smith[footnoteRef:34] Wilson LJ commented that there is an urgent demand for reform to abolish the five facts. Additionally, the supreme court ruling in Owens v Owens[footnoteRef:35] seems to have increased and kickstarted the debate on reform once again, adding pressure on the government to do so. Owens v Owens[footnoteRef:36] exposed the unfairness of individuals who find themselves in loveless marriages highlighting the high threshold that the petitioner needs to be held. As well as Steinfeld and Keidan[footnoteRef:37] Supreme Court decisions realising the current discrimination and the requirement that the current law needs to adapt. The aim of the newest reform proposal is reducing family conflict. The government plans to retain irretrievable breakdown as the sole ground for obtaining a divorce in the planned reform of divorce law[footnoteRef:38]. If the petition is lacking specific evidence, it can be a subjective threshold showing the government retains a strong stance on the opinion of marriage. Demonstrating that divorce should be hard to obtain and not taken casually and not used for inconsequential reasons[footnoteRef:39] or relationship issues. [31: Andrew More, Family property: reforming family law – what does 2019 have in store? P.C.B. 2019, 2, 68-71, pg.68] [32: Andrew More, Family property: reforming family law – what does 2019 have in store? P.C.B. 2019, 2, 68-71, pg.70] [33: International Conferences (The Hague), Hague Convention (IV) Respecting the Laws and Customs of War on Land and Its Annex: Regulations Concerning the Laws and Customs of War on Land, 18th October 1907, available at https://www.refworld.org/publisher,HAGUE,,,3ddca4e14,0.html [accessed 07/01/2020]] [34: Miller Smith v Miller Smith [2009] EWHC 3623] [35: Owens v Owens [2017] EWCA Civ 182] [36: Owens v Owens [2017] EWCA Civ 182] [37: R (Steinfeld and Keidan) v Secretary of State for the International development (institution for the Home Secretary and Education Secretary) [2018] UKSC 32; [2018] 3 WLR 514] [38: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg.29] [39: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg. 24]

The major change in the reform would be repealing s.1(2) and replacing it with a ‘notice’ to the court of an irretrievable breakdown of marriage as evidence. There is concern that the introduction of a ‘notice’ as evidence would make the divorce process less formal. Rowling notes replacing the facts, would arguably reduce conflict allowing the couple to bring a legal end to their marriage through a more defined process[footnoteRef:40]. Trinder adds that from a human rights perspective the proposed changes are welcome[footnoteRef:41]. They allow for adequate privacy protection of all parties involved. An argument proposed by Relate[footnoteRef:42] reasons that removing the facts as evidence would be hugely beneficial to the wellbeing of the victims involved in domestic or controlling cases[footnoteRef:43]. The organisation Cafcass agrees with the opinion, adding that it would further protect children. Maintaining the same sole ground of divorce and removing the fault biased evidence allows the underlying structure of the current law to remain. As a consequence of removing the five facts, certain supplementary provisions would be repealed[footnoteRef:44]. For instance, currently, the same evidence requirements of divorce are needed for judicial separation, given protection under s.4[footnoteRef:45]. This route of separation is preferred by those of the religious beliefs objecting to divorce. The proposed removal of the five facts would also remove it from judicial separation, supplementing the evidence with a similar ‘notice’ to the court. There was a major response to support the removal of the provision[footnoteRef:46], though a late surge of Christian biased responses changed the consultations favour. Nevertheless, the government is firm in their belief that it is necessary to remove the provision. There are two immediate benefits to replacing the provision, firstly the need to publicise the minitours of the couples life’s would not be needed, keeping in line with the parties privacy rights under ECHR. Secondly, the petitioner would feel more confident relying on the notice and not on the respondents fault biased conduct of adultery or behaviour[footnoteRef:47]. [40: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the gov’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127, pg123] [41: Liz Trinder, Divorce Reform in England and wales: the human rights perspective. E.H.R.I.R. 2018, 6,557-559. Pg. 557] [42: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) pg. 20] [43: Hadjilitis (Tsavliris) v Tsavliris [2003] 1 FLR 81] [44: ss.2, 5, 10, 20 MCA 1973] [45: s.4 MCA 1973 ] [46: Ministry of Justice, Reducing Family Conflict: Government Response to the consultation on reform of the legal requirements for divorce (Command Paper, CP 58, 2019) Pg.17 ] [47: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the government’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127]

Divorce is a two-stage process, the granting of the provisional decree nisi and the award of the decree absolute[footnoteRef:48]. However, between the two decrees, there needs to be a 6-week interim[footnoteRef:49] and is the only current structured timeline. The government wants to introduce a minimum timeframe to the process of divorce. Various countries have approached the timeframe of the divorce procedure differently attempting to balance the needs of the public. The governments compromise recached six-months allowing time for the emotional and practical needs of the parties, similar to Spain and Colorado. Whereas Australia and Germany take the approach of a minimum of one-year separation period[footnoteRef:50]. Rowling believes the minimum timeframe would allow for clarity and consistency for the parties[footnoteRef:51]. However, she later notes that for the timeframe to be meaningful, the respondents “need to be served swiftly”[footnoteRef:52], there arises the issue of an unresponsive or uncooperative respondent exemplified in Santos v Santos[footnoteRef:53], which the government will need to address in any reform. Furthermore, the quickened timeframe could make the parties to divorce make decisions or changes too quickly and not fully think the consequences though. Nonetheless, some timeframe constraints are needed for a clear structure for all involved. [48: s10 MCA 1973 – Gives the power to rescind the Decree nisi when the applicant gives any reason about any matter that influenced the respondent’s consent to the divorce. ] [49: s1(5) MCA 1973 ] [50: Jens Scherpe and Liz Trinder, Reforming the Ground for Divorce: Experiences from Other Jurisdictions (London: Nuffield Foundation, 2019).] [51: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the gov’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127, pg12] [52: Nicola Rowling, Family Property: the end is nigh: the gov’s pledge to reform divorce laws, P.C.B. 2019, 4, 122-127, pg125] [53: Santos v Santos [1972] EWCA Civ 9; [1972] 2 ALL ER 246]

Conclusion

To conclude, there is a need for clarification and further structuring of the divorce process. The MCA at present is unsatisfactory shown by the abundance of criticism which centres around needed reform. Blame specifically is the issue, relying heavily on the confusion over the need to find fault in a non-fault provision. The call for repealing fault biased evidence to substantiate a divorce claim is gaining support, although the same support is critical of the provision to replace it. There is a clear need for a serious attempt at reforming the law taking into account the common law influences. The easiest route being the amendment of the current divorce law system. The 2019 proposal reform would inevitably lead to an increase in divorces applications, maybe leading to a backlog of cases in the courts due to fewer restrictions on the evidence of the application.