Category: Divorce

Introduction

Marriage and divorce are distinct events that affect the daily lives of children. Most notably, the mental health, as well as the physical and cognitive capabilities of individuals, can be compromised if they experience parental divorce. Hence, reviewing the research that examines the impact that divorce can have on a childs wellbeing is crucial for understanding the specifics of this occurrence. This essay aims to review literature sources that discuss the impact of divorce on children.

Main body

In order to understand the impact of marriage and divorce on children, it is necessary to examine the physical, cognitive, and emotional health of individuals in both conditions. According to Ribar (2015), coordination between the childs parents and the economy of scale are the primary factors that influence the wellbeing of a child. Married couples usually can cooperate better and combine their financial resources to produce more benefits for their children. In this regard, divorce impacts both elements, affecting the financials of the family and the ability of the child to communicate with both of his or her parents.

Ribar (2015) assumes that each parent aims to provide all the necessary resources to their children. However, in cases of a lone mother or father, the financial and intangible resources, for example, time, are more limited when comrade to families with both parents. Ribar (2015) reports that lone mother households usually earn only 37% of the income that married couples with children receive. This statement suggests that the issue of divorce is more complex and incorporates not only the relationship of biological parents but also the resources that lone parents can provide when compared to married couples.

There are several factors that impact the growth and personal development of children and can be disrupted by divorce. Ribar (2015) argues that the main elements contributing to the wellbeing of a child are income, fathers involvement, parents physical and mental health, parenting quality, social supports, health insurance, homeownership, parents relationships, bargaining power, and family stability (p. 17). The mentioned aspects are often impaired in cases where the parents are divorced.

Hence, marriage produces a lot of non-direct benefits that impact a child, while divorce mitigates these positive influences.

The circumstances of divorce may differ, and the specific events can be perceived in a different manner by the children, meaning that predicting the outcomes of divorce for a child is impossible. However, the researchers discussed above outlined some of the common issues that were shown to arise as a result of divorce. Lament (2019) focuses on examining the adults who experienced the divorce of their parents when they were children and the impact that this event had on their lives and mental health.

Some of the issues that the author points out are the fact the child may be unable to form a relationship with a parent before the divorce, and the approach that one parent has when discussing the other. The two elements shape a childs view of the relationship between a mother and a father, which will affect his or her relationships in the future.

The psychological impact that divorce has on children is an important aspect. DOnofrio and Emery (2018) state that only 60% of children in the United States live with both of their biological parents. The prevalence of family instability raises concerns regarding the public health of children. DOnofrio and Emery (2018) cite issues with grades, disruptive behavior, and depressed mood as the primary outcomes that public health specialists should consider when working with such individuals. An important note is that many of the children who experience parental divorce display resilience, showcasing minimum evidence of emotional distress.

However, if the emotional difficulties are not addressed properly, children from divorced families can be engaged in risky sexual behavior, experience poverty, or have unstable relationships (DOnofrio & Emery (2018). In general, the change of the family structure that is a result of divorce has an evident and significant impact on a child.

This is especially dangerous when other risk factors are present  such as low income or severe conflict between the parents. All of these factors can endanger the wellbeing of a child and lead to subsequent issues in his or her adulthood. However, as was mentioned, it is possible to mitigate the risk of developing adverse behaviors as a result of the negative impact of divorce by addressing the emotional difficulties a child experiences.

Conclusion

Overall, the explored evidence suggests that children are affected by the divorce of their parents. The studies report that the physical, emotional, and cognitive health of individuals who grow up in families where their biological parents are married is better when compared to children whose parents are divorced. This impact is a result of cooperation between the parents and the combined resources, producing an economy of scale. As a result, these children can display adverse behaviors in their adulthood or have academic difficulties due to emotional difficulties associated with the impact of divorce.

References

DOnofrio, B., & Emery, R. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and childrens mental health. World Psychiatry, 18(1), 100101. Web.

Lament, C. (2019). The impact of divorce on children: The view from the perch of adulthood. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 72(1), 1623. Web.

Ribar, D. (2015). Why marriage matters for the child wellbeing. The Future of the Children, 25(2), 11-27. Web.

It is early adulthood that whatever lifestyle path that the young adult chooses to take, the path of marriage is one to greatly consider. It is in early adulthood that most young adults choose to get married, bear and raise children and settle down into family life.

In order to well understand what marriage and family is, we have to first define the terms clearly. We now live in a contemporary society where families are comprised of married heterosexual and homosexual couples, step families, single-parent families, multigenerational families, cohabiting adults, child-free families and so on. According to the U.S Census Bureau, a family is comprised of a group of two or more individuals who are related to each other either through blood, marriage or adoption and live in one household (Strong, DeVault and Cohen, 2008)

Individual perspectives of family are also key to be considered. Some individuals might include their best friends, pets, house managers and roommates as family. These according to Strong et al. (2008) are referred to as affiliated kin individuals who are neither related to each other by blood, marriage, adoption or remarriage but they are considered to be family members or relatives.

Also, being related to each other by blood or birth is not enough to be considered as family. Furstenberg & Cherlin (1991) found that 19% of individuals living with their biological siblings did not consider them as family members. Furstenberg et al. (1991) further explained that there was mostly step members that were labeled as non-family members.

Marriage may be defined as a union recognized by law whereby two or more individuals mutually agree to be united sexually, emotionally and economically and they may or may not choose to have children either by birth or adoption (Strong, et al, 2008).

In Kenya, according to the Marriage Act, Cap 150 of the Laws of Kenya, Sec 3(1) provides that, “Marriage is the voluntary union of a man and a woman whether in a monogamous or polygamous union and registered in accordance with this Act.” Kenyan law does not recognize gay marriages and the only marriages recognized are:

• Civil marriages
• Customary marriages
• Hindu rites an customs marriages
• Islamic law marriages
• Christian marriages

Come-we-stay marriages are recognized under Kenyan law as presumed marriages but they are not listed as one of the five legal marriages. Sec 2 defines cohabitation as when two consenting adults who are unmarried live together in a long-term relationship (more than six months) that resembles marriage.

The Bill of Rights, Chapter 4 of the Constitution of Kenya defines family as the natural and fundamental unit of a society.

DETERMINANTS OF MARRIAGE

An individual’s desire to marry is a key factor in determining whether an intimate relationship will eventuate into marriage (Newman and Newman, 2015). Each intimate relationship however, is different and whether the couple desired to marry depends on their personality and their history together as a couple. Love or being in love does not determine whether an intimate relationship leads to marriage. According to Gottman & Silver (1999) there are five key determinants of a good marriage, namely:

• Love-maps: The greater you are similar or relatable to your partner, the closer you become intimately. This is what is defined as having a love-map pf your partner. Couples should have in-depth knowledge of their partner’s world and life in that psychologically and emotionally they are not strangers.
• Positive affirmations of fondness and love: When partners give each other praises ad positive remarks a marriage is likely to be successful. This boosts the self-esteem of your partner and makes him or her more confident and loving in the relationship.
• Friendship: A good solid foundation of friendship before intimacy prevents the couple from being overwhelmed in the relationship when faced with challenges. Friendship is the foundation of a good marriage.
• Partner influence: Power-mongering is a key characteristic of a bad marriage. There should be room for compromise and positive sacrifice and respect for your partner’s role in the relationship.
• Creating shared meaning: Honesty and respect should be mutual in order to share meaning in marriage. Couples should also have shared goals and should help each other in achieving these goals.

THE DEVELOPMENT AND COURSE OF MARRIAGE

Having a lot in common with your significant other will more likely lead to a long-lasting and satisfying marriage (Berger, 1988). Homogamy is the marriage of a couple who share similar ages, religion, ethnicity, socioeconomic upbringing and status. The opposite of homogamy is heterogamy where the individuals vary on these variables; for example, being of a different race or one partner being significantly older than the other. However, in recent years, there has been a loosening of conventions in relationships whereby we see men or women marrying partners of a much younger age or women are now partnering with men with less income or education (Lamanna and Reidmann, 2012).

Another prerequisite for a successful marriage is the age in which the young adults enter into the marriage institution. For young adults who are in their mid-20s, their marriage is likely to succeed unlike if they got married at a younger age. According to Erik Erickson, intimacy should be established after an individual’s identity has been realized. According to Berger (1988) adolescents are still trying to figure out who they are, their values and roles. A young couple might mistake their roles and values to be compatible at a younger age, then go into marriage only to have a whole different set of values and view of roles when they enter into young adulthood. Also, intimacy is hard to achieved and find fulfilling until identity has been established (Berger, 1988)

Lamanna and Reidmann (2012) also posit that couples who go into marriage when they are young for example in late adolescence, are less able to be economically, educationally, morally and psychologically ready to commit to a partner in marriage and perform marital roles. Financial problems, lack of interest in school, rebellion towards parents and the urge to move out of the parental home, poor problem solving skills, history of abuse and premarital pregnancies could be some of the reasons for marrying early. Teen marriages are the least stable. Couples who choose to marry in their mid-20s are likely to be happier and satisfied in their marriage. Partners who marry after 30 are less likely to be happy in their marriage but remain married (Bramlett and Mosher, 2001).

However, it does not necessarily matter the age at which the couple decide to get into marital commitment. Marriage is intense and passionate in its early years/honeymoon period. During this time, couples spend almost all their spare time together, talking, establishing marital roles and routines, solving their issues and making love (Berger, 1988).

Marriages that are characterized by the couples being extremely close whereby they share their experiences and activities, are most likely to be happier in their marriages. However, if the marriage is troubled from the beginning then the unhappiness is likely to be intense even after sharing these intimate activities and passionate experiences together.

It is during the honeymoon period that couples are now settling into what their partner expects of them now that they are married. For example, women in marriage will be concerned about maintaining their relationships with their friends or relatives, unlike men who don’t find it necessary or productive. It is after the honeymoon period that closeness and intensity and satisfaction with marriage diminishes and for some it takes a nose dive. This can be explained by the drastic change in the relationship dynamics when children come into the picture.

When both partners mutually agree to come to a decision to postpone or avoid bearing any children, they tend to be much more satisfied in their marriage than couples who have several young an unplanned for children or couples who involuntarily cannot bear any children due to health or other physical complications for example infertility ( Matthews & Matthews, 1986).

Financial stability especially if it is the husband’s is another factor that makes a married couple’s life happier and most men achieve this when they are in their mid-20s. Some researchers are of the opinion that most marriages are happier when both spouses have a source of income and they share financial responsibilities (Lamanna & Reidmann, 2012).

Patterns of Married Couples

As the marriage progresses, interests, values and priorities of the couples either drift apart or come together. According to Cuber and Harroff (1965) who studied more than 400 successful marriages (spouses that we still together after 10 years or more), they found that marriage takes any of the following patterns:

• Conflict habituated: Couples spend most time together arguing, bickering and criticizing each other. As this may indicate that they are headed for a divorce, for some couples it is their way of expressing attachment to one another. A woman was asked whether she had ever considered divorce and her reply was, “Divorce never. Murder, every day.”
• Devitalized: The couple though in love still, are no longer close and each have their own interests and activities. They continue to get along but are drifted and each has their own goals.
• Passive-congenial: These are roommates more than they are a married couple. For these two marriage was more comfortable and convenient than intense and passionate.
• Vital: Both spouses remain actively and intensely connected emotionally, socially, recreationally and socially and are connected in family activities as well.
• Total: These spouses are not only involved in family activities but are very connected personally in their lives, sharing the same passions and fantasies, sharing same work interests and confide in one another passionately.

According to the above study, 80% of all marriages will be ranked in one of the five categories. When both spouses are dependent on each other and there is mutual support for each other, then the marriage is likely to succeed. When dependence is unequal with one spouse being more dependent on the other conflict is likely to arise in their marriage. There can be major changes in the spouses’ individual lives and this may make one more dependent on the other for example, education, employment or income, health and loss of status.

DIVORCE

Divorce comes when a married couple in unable to make the marriage work, that is,t hey ae unable to solve the challenges that affect their marriage and the only way to end the marriage is through getting a divorce. Omoro (2018) suggests that factors that contribute towards a couple getting a divorce could be the age difference of thee couple, socioeconomic background, inability or one spouse voluntarily choosing not to bear children, personality differences, drugs and alcohol abuse and poor communication skills.

PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE

Gottman and Silver (1999), according to their Love-Lab, report that the following are the warning signs of an impending divorce.

1. Harsh start up: Emotional topics are started with discussions that are characterized by contempt, defensiveness, sarcasm, low-blowing and criticism.
2. Four horsemen of the apocalypse: These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
3. Flooding: Comes after the spouse has been on the receiving end of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. It involves always been alert that your spouse is about to explode again and fight or flight responses kick in. Occasionally, flooding does not impact a stable relationship.
4. Body language: These are the physiological responses to flooding. For example, increased heart rate, anxiety and they lead to divorce in that one feels intensely distressed in having to deal with the other spouse or they are unable to calmly problem solve issues in a rising in a disagreement.
5. Failed repair attempts: Repairs in relationships are only effective and long lasting when the flooding stage is avoided in a marriage. When the four horsemen of the apocalypse are in play, it becomes almost impossible to successfully repair a failing marriage.
6. Bad memories: Reliving past memories or using them as ammunition during a disagreement greatly increases the divorce chances. A marriage is at it’s end when they have negatively re-written the relationship.

CAUSES OF DIVORCE

There are several factors that lead to divorce. This section highlights the causes that may lead to a couple legally ending their marriage.

Let’s begin with the age at which the couple gets married. According to Lamanna et al. (2012), the desire to have a white wedding, unavoidability of getting married for example after an unplanned pregnancy or dating for a long period, and getting married at an early age are the major reasons that young couples listed as reasons for their divorce. Couples who married at an early age are more often than not economically unstable, psychologically immature and have more marital discord then those who marry in their mid-20s who are both financially secure and emotionally mature and ready for marriage life (Omoro, 2018).

Infidelity may be defined as the breach of the marriage contract whereby one or both partners engages in sexual intercourse with another individual that is not their spouse. It greatly affects the psychological well-being of the other spouse and even of the family system. The spouse who has been cheated on experiences feelings of betrayal, anger, inadequacy and embarrassment. The spouse may be unable to regain trust or the guilt of being of having an extra-marital affair may be impossible to get over by the unfaithful spouse. As a result, the couple can decide to have a divorce and part ways.

Lack of communication in issues such as handling of finances, parenting, religion, income and employment decisions may be impossible to solve if there is poor communication of feelings, insecurities, intentions and plans by either of the spouses. In young adulthood, this is a period where a couple gets gainful employment, children are raised, there is a lift off in their careers of choice and if these are properly and positively communicated between the couple, the couple will in future disagree on all aspects in their future and a divorce may be the end result. Gottman and Silver (1999) believe that it’s not what the couple argues about but rather how they argue. When communication suffers the couple is doomed for a divorce.

IMPACT OF DIVORCE

The psychological and emotional impact of divorce on a couple can impair the well-being of the individual even after five years since the conclusion of the divorce (Berger, 1988). The long-lasting negative effects of the divorce are worse than even the death of a spouse.

Divorce has an impact on the economic and social stability of the individuals involved and studies show that a couple tends to be more depressed after a divorce than when they were actually married (Berger, 1988). However, this does not suggest that the individuals wish that they had not divorced although some may later feel that divorce was not the necessary route to take.

Divorce could result in even more anger and resentment between the estranged couple and this could be as a result of disagreeing on how to share their matrimonial assets and fighting or disagreeing over child custody and alimony of children are involved. The couple may be more inclined to being hostile and abusive to one another then ever before. This hostility and aggression may lead to the development of depression, change in sleeping and eating patterns and alcohol and drug abuse (Kelly, 1982). Men tend to feel the brunt of divorce more than women.

Marriage is the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).’a happy marriage’ When you get married you never think about the word divorce because no one who marries the love of their life thinks that it will ever come to an end. No one ever thinks that lovey dovey feeling will ever fade. We grow up believing that when you find the love of your life, you want to settle down, get married and live happily ever after. No one ever thinks that the happiness and love they feel will ever disappear, they believe and hope that the love continues to grow and flourish with time. The reality is that not everything when you get married is that perfect, there are many cases were marriage ends, fails and comes to an abrupt stop; most times there are children are involved and they pay the hefty price of that love falling apart. Many factors lead to divorce and many continue to affect those who are directly involved in the marriage and divorce besides the actual couple, like the children, siblings, parents and in-laws, many are affected both negatively and positively.

Love, what is love? In the dictionary, “love isan intense feeling of deep affection for someone or something.” (websters dictionary) There are different types of love, the way you love your parents and siblings to the way you love your children are all different, especially the way you love your spouse. The difference with a love for your spouse because it is a love that goes beyond blood connection, it is a love that you have grown deeply to have for a person who was once a stranger but now is someone you can’t live without. During this stage you make yourself available all the time, sweet nothings are said in their ears, you can’t go anywhere without them you can never picture your life without them in it. When this love grows stronger and the bond becomes stronger, the word marriage comes into the vocabulary of someone who never once thought they’d be talking about so soon or even at all.

This beautiful word of marriage is described in the dictionary as “the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship” (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman). (https:www.dictionary.com)

This is when you are filled with butterflies and the excitement of seeing the love of your life every morning when you wake up and you can’t believe that you have met the man or woman of your dreams and you now carry his name or he is proud to share the same name as you. When you enter a marriage that is a union for life and no one ever thinks that it will come to an end but as life has it, things change, love fades, problems arise and there goes the love that once was something you never thought you could live without. You no longer feel the butterflies, there is no more excitement of waking up seeing each other and now you can’t wait to get rid of their name and go back to who they used to be.

When a marriage doesn’t workout it leads a once happily married couple to their last resort and that is Divorce. Divorce in the Webster’s dictionary is defined as “the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.’ The failure rate for second marriages is said to be higher than first marriages. (www.verywellfamily.com) Divorce in America affects children of every ethnic background, religion, and socioeconomic status. Approximately 50% of all first marriages will end in divorce, with over 1 million children being affected per year.(www.pedsinreview.aapublications.org) Every ethnic background meaning that here in American Samoa it is also common to hear of kids with separated parents, or even divorced parents. With divorce everything turns usually sour, a lot of negativity is in the air and constant bickering and fighting is very common. The once happy couple now can no longer talk to each other with respect nor can they sit in the same room without having a conflict arise.

Couples go through a whole process of filing for divorce, getting back into court over separation of property, hiring of lawyers and the list goes on, but as that list goes on so does the amount of money that is now required to pay for this once happy marriage that has now crumbled. One cannot believe that these two individuals who are now at each other’s throats were once holding hands taking the vows to be together for all eternity. I believe that when going through a divorce though it may not be an easy thing because maybe one party might still love the other while the other is ready to move on with their life a marriage without children should be a lot less painful than one with children.

It is one thing to fall in love, get married and then end it in divorce, but to also have children from the marriage is another different story. After reading a few books and researching on Divorce and the effects it has on children I do believe in my heart that it is the children that pay the biggest price in this whole ordeal. The children of divorce, whether it is a child or several children end up with the most to lose. The household they grew up in with both mom and dad is now no longer that way. Did they have a choice? Did they have a say? Most times they do not have a choice nor do they have a say. They didn’t ask to live with just one parent, maybe not the parent they are closest too or maybe it is the parent they are closest to, but through divorce children are usually put in the middle and the normalcy they remember is no longer there.

When you go through a divorce the children are there going through it with you. They didn’t ask to get divorced from one of their parents but they have to. Some studies show that children of divorce have higher mental health problems, have behavior problems and poor academic performance. (Paul A”The future of children” vol 4 No 1 Children of Divorce(spring 1994) pp 143-164) This leads me back to our study on the influences on Human Development that we discussed in the early part of our class where you have the different types of families and the kind of family you come from influences your choices in life. It affects your socioeconomic status which is “the amount of money your family makes) because now you are no longer in a household with two breadwinners but now you are in one.

This affects how you are as a human being. If you are a product of divorce at a young age you may take some of the problems you have as a younger child into your adult life. You are more likely to take risks. The effects of divorce on children are endless but then there are other factors that affect children as well. If their parent gets remarried to a person who has children now you are having to deal with not only losing your parent but having to grow up in a blended family. Blended families are very common now a days versus the past. It is said “ that divorce rates are higher for people whose parents were divorced.” ( www.psychologytoday.com) There are ways to reduce the psychological toll on children, if parents co-parent peacefully, don’t put kids in the middle, have a healthy relationship with the children’s other parent, monitor the children closely, talk to them about coping skills and that life does go on after a divorce. They need to work together, especially in the early stages after a divorce.

When you think about divorce, most times it is the negative parts that seem to come out. But like everything in life there has to be some positive that comes out of a negative situation. One could be a healthier household, less fighting, more positive influence on children and feeling a lot more confident again versus the always feeling down and not worthy. A lot of positive can come out of a negative situation. Making sure that the children are adjusting with time to the divorce. Communication is key and being a positive figure in their life is what makes the difference. Being there especially when they need you.

One question that I have thought about is “ Divorce, is it a cycle?” As I pondered on my topic and wondering if I should discuss the issue of divorce, I started thinking of it truly was a cycle. You may be wondering why I would even ponder on it if I myself wasn’t affected by divorce or if I am a product of divorce. To those two questions the answer is yes, I was affected by divorce and I am a product of divorced parents and grandparents. To answer the question “Is divorce a cycle” Well, in my life it has been a cycle. I have two other siblings and neither of them has been divorced. They are both married but have been married for a long time. I on the other hand have experience this dreadful, but helpful D word.

I am a product of divorced parents, and I too have been divorced. I have two sons from my first marriage that lasted seven years and I am also remarried and still married to the love of my life that I call “Lover” for 15 years and I have one son from my second marriage. Did I go through everything that I mentioned earlier and you can believe that I sure did. Was it hard, it sure was, but I am a true testament to the power of prayer. When I was going through my divorce, I thought it was the end of the world, I never thought I would meet anyone who would love me and my two older boys as much as I hoped they would. Through the grace of GOD and his guidance and endless prayers, I overcame all the negatives, the court cases, the struggles of getting divorced in Nevada where the laws do not favor the mother, but I survived.

I survived with my six year old and one year old son by my side. They went through it all, the downs, the hardships but one thing that never changed is that we stayed together, my boys and I . Fast forward to 2019, I am happily married to the love of my life Okland Salave’a who has loved my two older boys Filoisamoa Toko who is 25, and Aliitoa Langkilde 20 as his own and with the heart of our family our youngest son Okland Oakie Salave’a 15 years old, we have built a strong blended family that I can never change for anything in this world. Thanks to my husband Okland, we are very close to my ex husband who is a big part of all our 3 boys lives. I have a 19 month old grandson named Luke and a beautiful daughter in law named Jireh.

With the love of my mom Lidwina Iuli, I have been raised to be independent, a hard worker and never give up on life and believe in the power of prayers and that our good LORD has a plan for us all, we may not know it now but it will reveal itself at his perfect timing. Divorce may affect others in a negative way but I am a true testament that it was more positive that negative for my life and the life of my children. GOD is good and one thing for sure I didn’t have a mental problem through divorce but it did make me mentally stronger.

In conclusion, it is nice to love, to be loved, to believe in marriage and the life it offers but if you do happen to go through a divorce, just know that it isn’t the end of the world. You have to stay mentally strong, lean on those who love you, and know that all the statistics in the world about divorce and children are stats they don’t define you. Staying in a marriage that isn’t working isn’t always the answer. Life is too short and we all need to be happy and enjoy the life we have and what GOD has planned for us all. Remember our children are our most precious gifts and we always need to remember them in the decisions that we make in life that will affect them completely. I am a product of the cycle of divorce and I survived and have so much to be thankful for.

INTRODUCTION

Termination of beautiful marital bond due to lack of something, which can be trust or any other purpose is called as Divorce or ‘talaq’. It is the annulment of the legal responsibilities, and considered very awkward in Muslim Society. The divorce rules and regulations are under the control of ‘Sharia’, as transcribed by accepted Islamic law. Divorce practice in the Islamic world varied according to place and time.

Marriage in Islam is considered as the pure bonding of two people into single soul but due to different reasons it can spoil this bonding created under light of Islam and this can be done by pronouncing (the Arabic word ‘TALAQ’ for divorce) three times.

There are basically three types of divorce in Islam which are:

1. Talaaqur Raj’ee
2. Talaaqul Baa’in
3. Talaaqul Mughallazah

· Talaaqur Raj’ee (revocable divorce)

It is that type of divorce where the husband divorces his wife in strong and clear terms. e.g. Once the husband says such words, the wife becomes divorced and she has to sit in Iddah (waiting period) of three months and if she is pregnant. The husband now has the choice of annulling his divorce before the termination of the Iddah. The husband may revoke his divorce by orally uttering his desire to take her back into his Nikaah.

· Talaaqul Baa’in (irrevocable divorce)

Talaaqul Baa’in is an irreversible divorce where the husband uses unclear or ambiguous words to divorce his wife. For example, the husband says to his wife Pack your bags and get out of here, you are no more my wife or Go to your father’s house. Once the husband has delivered one or two Talaaqul Baa’in, the Nikah has been fragmented and she has to sit in Iddah. If the husband wishes to take back his wife, a new Nikah have to be performed.

· Talaaqul Mughallazah (permanently irreversible divorce)

It is happened when the husband subjects three divorces to his wife. Once the husband subjects his wife with three divorces (Talaaqur Raj’ee or Talaaqul Baa’in), their Nikah is completely broken. She cannot marry him until Halaalah has taken place It is a process wherein the wife completes her Iddah, thereafter she marries another man and concludes her marriage with him. The second husband gives her divorce or he may pass away. She again has to do Iddah from this second marriage. After this, she may marry her first husband.

Quran and Sunnah consider this breakup of lawful relationship as bad practice, it can be done by either the behavior of Husband as well as Wife and sometimes both. There are conditions for divorce it is not the simple process, Islam have laid down some responsibilities and rights for men and women.

Day by day this act is increasing due to many factors which mainly includes misuse of freedom between couples, more than one marriage, extra marital affairs and many other issues.

DISCUSSIONS AND FINDINGS

Shariah is the collection of Islamic Laws which governs in principle of the action of any individual or Muslim community. These rules are derived from the Qur’an and Sunnah – the practice of Islamic laws by the Prophet Muhammad PBUH. There are the set of rules governing the link between Allah and any Individual in terms of religious practices are non-negotiable where the body of rules which governs all corporate relations which include political, social, economic are opened to evaluate according to certain criteria. These all criteria, derived from the Qur’an and Sunnah. One of the core criteria is marriage, in which one man and women are bound according to rules set in Islam and whenever there is any bad turn in life of that couple.

Islam stands for divorce of a husband and wife under certain conditions however, Islam regards divorce as repulsive and disgraceful. Imam Jaffer Sadiq (A.S) has declared: “Truely, Allah loves a house in which a wedding is held and hates a house in which a divorce is conducted and there is nothing more hateful than divorce.”

Islam holds divorce as an extremely ugly and vile act, which must be avoided within the limits of opportunity. In order to stop divorces, Islam campaigns against its causes, some of which are enumerated below:

One powerful factor for divorce is the discouragement of a husband for his sincere wife and his affection towards Non-Mehrum women. The chief instrument for this is lack of acceptable Hijab (Cover) among women and staring at men. When a man looks any woman, who is more beautiful and attractive than legitimate wife he may become lovesick with her and become discouraged with his wife. Slowly he makes his married life unpleasant by finding faults, seeking excuses, and picking quarrels, which lead to divorces. On the one hand, Islam orders women to perceive Hijab, cover their magnetisms from men, and refrain from being attractive for anyone but only their own husbands.

To stop this, Islam teaches women to wear their best clothes when at home, make themselves up according to their husbands’ wishes, and display themselves with passionate dedication. Moreover, Islam charges men to witness personal cleanliness, style themselves, and show a good-looking and warm manner for their wives.

Islam’s lays down that: ‘Divorce is in the hand of the man.’ And it is in reflection of the woman’s weakness of spirit that the power of ending a shared life is not granted to her. Islam, in addition to the multiple events it has taken to make it easier for people to enter the married state and start families, also makes it more difficult to break up this Islamic pact.

It is therefore that it is written in Surah Nisa’a —’The Women’ verse 19: ‘O men, live with your wives in kindness and equity. If you dislike anything in them, that may be the very point which God will use to bring about much blessing.’

In order avoid such feelings of hatred and prevent their turning to hate, and to remove their distress, Islam awakens the man’s morality to live in kindness and equity with patience, and not to cast off a wife who is temporarily in disrepute, since it may be that goodness and blessing may come through those very wives, so it would be stupid to end the relationship rapidly.

Islam hurdles in the man’s authority of divorce with many restrictive precautions. A man may not leave his wife by harassment, injury, violence or in a way which may lead her to a life of dissolution and dishonesty. Thus, Islam has times exceeded anything yet realized in Western countries, in its creativity to remove alterations and reinstate understanding in family life.

There is a question raised in minds that if divorce is truly hated by Islam, why has it not banned it? Basically, how is the union of legality and detestability possible? Why has Islam permitted divorce what is the reason behind it?

To answer above questions here are some reasons

Even if divorce is hateful and ugly, occasionally it is a need that cannot be avoided. For example, surgical removal of parts of the body is painful and repulsive but it is vital in some positive conditions and for the benefit of humans for example: As when a person has cancer. If lasting the marriage is torturous for the husband and wife and the problem cannot be solved in any other way, divorce may be the best solution.

In some cases, a woman must approach the team of mediators and ask them to guide and council her husband and persuade him to perceive fairness and justice, and to perform his responsibilities. If they are successful, she endures her life with him and if he does not see the light and modify his ways, she must advance her issue to an official Islamic judge or family court.

The judge orders the wrong husband and demands that he refrain from cruelty and abuse and that he performs his duties. If he does not accept, he is indebted to divorce her. If he ignores to do so, the judge himself divorces them and compellingly takes the wife’s rights from her husband.

Obviously, if two people both have the right to associative divorce proceedings, the basis of assurance is made wobbly for both parties. What appropriate protection can there be, therefore, than to give the right of divorce proceedings principally to the one who has by nature more domination to the powers of reason, and tolerance in the face of lack of sensitivity and who stands to miss the amount he has given as a marriage share, as well as having to undertake the financial loads of the children’s upbringing?

Also, in Allah in Quran said: “Two just persons from amongst yourselves shall bear witness to the evidence before God when a divorce is settled”. – Surah At-Talaq [Qur’an 65:2]

It is clearly stated in Quran that Without these two eyewitnesses, there is no legal divorce. An advantage of their nomination is that they can exercise every gravity of fondness and understanding to prevent the final calamity for relatively a period before reluctantly, if they have to do so, approving that there is no other way out. They recurrently flourished in the better course.

CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

The fundamentals of family are grounded on these two values and if each part of a couple achieves their internal desires the foundation of family becomes deep, pleasant, and lovely. Men are inspired by their family and work hard to secure the ease and happiness of the family. Women consider themselves joyful and successful and effort thoroughly in taking good care of their husbands, children, and home.

If a husband does not have fondness towards his wife (or vice versa) and hates seeing and relating with her, and if the wife feels that she has collapsed from her position of beloved and that her husband does not like her, the family has lost two of its key pillars and is considered ruined. Living in such an emotionless and broken family is demanding and painful for both women and men.

There are many situations on which couple have to select the option of divorce but our first priority must be revival of that critical situation as Divorce is not considered good in our Islam and Society. In light of Quran and by practical practices done by Prophet Muhammad S.A.W teach us to live marriage life with patience, both husband and wife should tolerate each other’s behavior as there are many ups and downs in their marriage life but they have to settle their issues patiently and ignore small problems. Marriage life is complete with children and they seek the love of their parents but when parent tries to take this step, they should also take account of their children as they would face bad impact on future. As we have discussed, most prominent issue is Hijab as Muslim in modern society are also fashioning themselves modern and they wear exposed dresses which is the major reason of men’s attraction towards other women and giving less priority to their wives. If they wear proper covered and our traditional dresses then this ratio of divorce can be decrease.

Children are everything to their parents so especially men have to stop themselves from breaking up their relationships due to small mistakes of women and treat their wives wisely. We should adopt our lifestyles according to Islam so when we walk on the path of Islam, we stay firm and avoid these happiness losses.

Both men and women should have trust on themselves and both have to maintain that trust in order to make their life happy, if there exist any doubt then both should sit and resolve them if there is big issue then there is the role of their elders to resolve that issue. We are Muslims and we have to follow instructions of Allah and Prophet Muhammad S.A.W in order to succeed and live happy life.

The google definition of ‘Divorce’ is a severing of martial ties. Meaning it not only nullifies the marriage, but sets the terms of property division, child custody, child support, spousal support and other responsibilities. Also, agreements that you make in your divorce settlement are legally binding. This is the literal definition of divorce. However, there is much more to divorce then the defined content. Divorce is the failing of marriage due to broken promises, unequal attention, disagreements, lying, cheating, abuse or simply just the fact that there is no more interest and love within the married couple. This research paper will provide an understanding of the basic reasons why divorce occurs in a marriage, the effect that it causes, how a person copes with divorce and the result of acting upon divorce. There will also be information pertaining to how a couple may solve their problems so that divorce is not actually considered.

What is Divorce / Why people file for Divorce:

Divorce is not something good nor something people look forward into doing, so by saying that there are mainly negative reasons why divorce is acted upon. Rarely is there a good reason for divorce, if so than it is mainly because of the circumstance that couples are in that stimulates a good reasons for divorce. As I mentioned earlier in the abstract section, divorce is an act of which a couple agrees to be separated, severing of martial ties. They separate their ties from each other and equally divide their belonging amongst each other. Divorce is a big situation that not only affects the couple that are going through the divorce but also it can affect family members and so forth. From researching about divorce, it has been said by the Vangorodska Law Firm that the three main reasons why people file for divorce is because of extramarital affairs, money and nagging family (New York’s Premier Family Law Firm, 2012). Extramarital affairs consists of when one of the members in the marriage has an affair with someone else either than their husband or wife. Money being one of the reasons is pretty self explanatory because financial issues occur in which some couples let their financial issues affect them greatly which lead them to filing divorce instead of having a positive mind of which they can work together to figure out their problems as well find help if needed. The nagging family portrays the idea of which your family tends to put their nose into your business and that generates anger between the married couple and eventually drives them to divorce.

The affect that ‘Divorce’ generates:

Some think that divorce only effects the married couple but that is obviously not an equivalent point of view, for it is not only the married adults that are greatly affected during the process of divorce but others as well, such as children ( whether they are the couple’s children or their nieces and nephews), parents of both side are greatly affected and so as extended family member and siblings. Divorce causes relationship problems between the divorced couple and their kids in which the children can become distant with their parents due to the not liking of their decision to be separated. Some children also would never want to have to do anything with the parent that they hate and would also not want to see them again. It is a sad to ever witness a child saying “I never want to see my dad/mom ever again” but we can’t blame them because they are put in the middle of the problem which brings much confusion and inequality and they have no say in it at all. Wikipedia has given effects of divorce in which couples will often experience a decrease level of happiness, change in their economic status and emotional problems. Effect on children will be bad academic results, behavioral and psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, paranoia and so much more (Wikipedia, 2019).

Coping with divorce!

In the beginning of a divorced marriage, many have a hard time accepting the fact that they actually are divorced and are free to do anything on their own time and make their own choices. However, what seems to be the biggest problem form moving on is trying to stop yourself from acting out your habits, meaning trying to stop yourself from doing your regular routines of which you always did when you were married. For example, waking up early to make coffee for your spouse, preparing lunch for spouse to take to work, turning on the a/c an hour before your husband gets home so that the house is nice and cold when he gets home and so many other habits that you have developed during your married life. However there is nothing to fear, you eventually will get over the fact that you’re living a divorced life and will move on. Coping with divorce is a process, it is not an automatic switch that can suddenly make you get over it right away and become a total different person. It takes time, patience and acceptance. Mental Health America has given suggestions of ways divorced adults can cope with being divorced. They said that you should first ‘recognize that it’s ok to have different feeling’ meaning it’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused and frustrated. You must also ‘give yourself a break’ allow yourself to feel such feeling of anger, exhausted and had as you are going through a hard time and so don’t beat yourself up or lower self-esteem. ‘Divorce should never be experienced alone’ because sharing your feelings with others especially your family member and those who understand your situation will help you get through the process more calmly. Lastly, ‘take time to explore your interests’ this means that because you have lost moments, memories, opportunities that doesn’t mean that it’s going to end there, you may have lost some things but you have also become available to other things in store and can also become greater things you just have to positive and get yourself out there to explore and experience what is good and beneficial (Mental Health America, 2019).

Opinions in which married adults can refrain from filing divorce

Believe or not there are ways in which married adults can refrain from filing divorce, a site called very well mind offers opinions in which refrains married couple from filing divorce. The first opinion given was to ‘banish divorce frrm your thoughts’ this refers to when couple think that they are at the edge with their marriage they must try to have a calm piece of mind and not have all that negativity lead to divorce. ‘Honoring and respecting your partner’ will grant a chance of working things and becoming better in dealing with issues that the two are facing. ‘Communication’ is a big role in a marriage and so to refrain all abilities of divorce learn to communicate well with each other. Financial expectations good or bad are necessary to discuss in a marriage for it will stop problems from leading to divorce due to financial issues that cannot be settled because of not knowing what each other expects financially. Giving each other space and time is very important for they also need to form opinions and thought that can be considered as well suggested so both can be equal with their input in the marriage. Never stop showing love and affection, just because you two are going to be with each other for the rest of your lives doesn’t mean that you have to stop buying each other gifts, spoiling each other and always showing each other support and all. There are so many more opinions in which you can refrain from filing divorce. However, these are just a few of my favourites.

Results of Divorce

To sum up of what filing for divorce leads to, it separates adults and families, can cause emotional and physical problems to the adults, generates a change of positive thinking, form new opportunities for one and also bring safety and. Divorce has its ups and downs and that is all depending on the situation that couples are in which led to them filing for divorce. From my research I have noticed that some have filed for divorce for their own piece of mind, meaning some couples feel that the only way they can live life to fullest is making decisions on their own without always needing the input of their somewhat better half. Some act upon divorce for their safety and future opportunities because there are those who get involved in abusive relationships and have hard time trying to make change for the better and so filing for divorce will form a feeling of safety, peace and calamity making it known that the choices they make won’t lead to black eye because of one disagreeing with the other’s choices and that they can act freely upon their choices knowing that it will benefit his/her future. Divorce should never be a suggestion because everyone deserves a happy ending to live with the one they truly love and deserve.

Introduction

Based on my readings Divorce is a widely spread phenomena around the world that is remarkably impacting the society. Juvenile are the almost impacted due to several factors. As well kids are affected socially, emotionally, and physically.

Can you predict how many separation cases are happening among the world each day? Or can you guess the number of cases in each country? In fact it is a massive and unbelievable number globally and locally in various countries. Based on statics there is one divorce case every 13 seconds in America only, means around 6,646 divorce cases per day (Divorce statistics:over 115 studies,facts and rates for 2018). Splitting of parents is a serious matter that the whole world is suffering from not only the United States of America (USA). Additionally break up should be taken into consideration either from the couple side or the society and the government sides. Another significant example is the separations percentage in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) where it reached a percentage of 32.5% in 2016 (saeed, 2018). Although this percentage doesn’t seem very high but in comparison to the UAE small population it is considered very high. These statistics and many other divorce statics indicate the wide spread of divorce among the world even in small countries like the UAE. Based on Marriam Webster divorce is defined as the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage (divorce). In other words, it is the separation of a married couple. The society is negatively impacted by divorce phenomena, such as families. More particularly juvenile since they are the almost influenced. It affects them emotional wise, besides the social impact which covers the academic achievement, relationships and abusive acts. Separation impacts the physical behavior of juvenile as well.

The aim of this research is to study the divorce influences on juvenile in different aspects .In order to propose possible solutions and contribute in having a divorce free society.

Reasons behind separations

Arguments ends up in different scenarios usually one party sacrifices or a solutions pops up. However, some arguments do not have obvious solutions; this leads to a further undesired action which is divorce. Several reasons are behind divorce such as significant differences in core values and beliefs since each person came from different family and rose in a certain way. Another reasons are having blended family issues, and lack of support during difficult times specifically (Prior). In addition to lack of communication, misunderstanding, domestic violence, Divorce results marital infidelity, and social circumstances, etc (Glantz, 2018). Divorce is caused by many reasons but these are some of the almost prominent ones.

Reasons why juvenile are the almost affected by divorce

Divorce has various influences on communities, families, and individuals. Everyone in the community suffers from separations consequences particularly young individuals or juvenile, who suffer from divorce consequences the almost. This is due to enormous reasons, for examples juvenile are very sensitive and emotional to certain cases beside their strong relations with their parents. Additionally, they don’t the authority to be part of the decision or prevent it in order to protect the family. Accordingly, divorce results bad feelings to juvenile like disappointment, instability, fairness of loneliness, and anger. Juvenile may also feel the loss of family, parents, and maybe siblings. In some cases they may feel guilty that they are the reason behind divorce (Helmi, 2011).

Divorce influences on juvenile

Divorce has several consequences on families worldwide. In almost cases, separations is agreed by both sides, even though it still affects the juvenile lives in all aspects. Divorce causes issues on juvenile’s thinking approach and development. Some juvenile could pass through it easily whereas others cannot. This puts a huge risk on their social, emotional and physical development. For instance, Figure 1 compares the differences in the behavior of juvenile with divorced parents and intact marriage. Clearly, juvenile with divorced parents are more likely to commit bad actions and have wicked manners. For instance, juvenile from divorced parents skipped school and hurt others as double as juvenile from intact marriage. Moreover, they are willing to steal from stores and get drunk more than double the percentage of juvenile from connected families. Thus, juvenile in divorced families can be quickly attracted to the outside world, which means they may experience smoking, drug abuse, and their behavior is easy to deteriorate (The effects of divorce on children).

1. Social influences

Juvenile of divorce parents tend to have less social contacts; this could be a result of less self-esteem or lack of self-confidence which can end up by cutting almost of their social relationships. They may face many social damages such as they lose trust in others which means they will face a failure in relationships .They may complex from marriage and have more effective attitudes towards divorce than marriage (Effects of divorce on children’s future relationshps). Juvenile-family relationship is influenced the almost where juvenile’s communication with their father, mother and siblings decline and may reject their parents. Furthermore, they become less social and more isolated. Juvenile may experience bullying as well.

2. Emotional influences

After divorce juvenile undergo from major behavioral issues like impulsive behavior, in addition to anger issues. They also get distracted because they don’t know what is going on. As a consequence of not having a clear image of divorce and how will life be, juvenile start to feel that the family is being broke. So parent should be concerned of clarifying this to their juvenile before divorce to reduce these bad feelings that affect juvenile massively, such as causing some psychiatric disturbances. Moreover, school performance is remarkably influenced where it gets lower.

Not getting full care by parents will cause frequent depression to juvenile (Morin, 2018). This was proven by study that was conducted in 1980-1981. The study showed that juvenile of divorced parents get lower academic results. On the other hand, juvenile with a complete family tend to get better academic grades (J.Cherlin).

3. Physical influences

Lack of love and loss of care may lead to aggression with peers and fights with them. As well as they become less focused and may drop out of school and get attracted by drugs especially boys. In contrast, girls tend to have higher rates of depression and anxiety (Ph.D, 2011). Divorce attracts juvenile to act horrendously such as addict drugs and/or alcohol abuse, frequent breaking of rules and increased or early sexual activity. Some juvenile may undergo a hunger strike due to their depression, which will negatively affect their physical health, and may lead to death. In some cases divorce leaves the door open for the external factors to control them and take them away from religion, culture, and traditions (Humood, 2016).

Conclusion

To sum up several negative impacts are behind divorce on different life aspects. Juvenile are the almost affected in terms of school performance, relationships, behavior, health, etc. Divorce plays a huge role in a child’s lifestyle who will be growing up between a divorced couple and two different homes as it may activate their emotional feelings about the situation. It may affect their future lifestyle, relationships and may destroy their physical development in many ways.

Personal approach

Since divorce is a widely spread phenomena people tend to have different opinion regard it. Some people believe that divorce is a good solution for their issues while others think it is a real problem itself. Myself I think divorce may be either good or bad based on the couple situation and circumstances. But in all cases I see that divorce is highly affecting juvenile especially younger ones. So parents must fully understand what is beyond divorce and be aware of their juvenile’s feelings and future. Divorce may be acceptable if parents are willing to take the full responsibility of their juvenile and take care of them.

Due to the wide spreading of divorce I believe that marriage should be restricted by rules and policies. For example; a specific age should be set by the government to approve the marriage. For example; a specific age should be set by the government to approve the marriage. In other words, young adults or teenagers should be forbidden from marriage because of their irresponsibility and immaturity. Moreover I believe that some sort of maturity test should be conducted before approving the marriage. These procedures are to avoid divorce and protect juvenile’s from its downsides.

My Family: A Personal Reflection from a Child of Divorce

Marriage and divorce are typical experiences in America. Given this, much research has been done on both, especially about the effects that divorce has on children. Initially, children of divorce feel that their worlds are crashing down. For them, the divorce may feel as though they are grieving the loss of one of their parents. Children are in shock, and disbelief, and may even feel anger or resentment towards their parents. However, research has shown that their hostility or grief only lasts a short time. These feelings are alleviated when children are able to adjust and accept the new circumstances either by seeking professional help or by having parents who are perceptive of their needs and emotional state. Overall, I will reflect on my personal journey as a child of divorce, how certain protective factors and strengths led to my resilience in the light of this event, and how the divorce has shaped my identity today.

Recalling My Parents’ Divorce

My Description

When I think about divorce, the words that come to mind are separation, disconnect, and detachment. These words are exactly how I felt when my parents divorced. Not only did I lose having the ideal nuclear family that all my friends had, but I also lost a sense of myself. My mother filed for divorce from my father in 1999. After five years of battling which parent would be given the right of full custody over me in court and completing psychological testing, my parent’s divorce was finalized in 2004. The judge ruled in favor of my mother and granted her full custody of me. Under court order, I was required to see my father every Tuesday and Thursday, spend every other weekend with him, and also split holidays with both of my parents. My mother was relieved to be divorced, however, she was also disappointed that her marriage was not successful. My family responded to the divorce with joy that my mother had finally escaped the mistreatment that she suffered from my father, but I was lost and tossed in the middle of their divorce. I felt as though I was a ping pong ball, being bounced back and forth from my mother’s house to my father’s house. It was not until I was eighteen years old that I was truly able to start living my life because this is when the court order was lifted.

Strengths of Family Members. During the divorce and even after it, my family was an immense source of strength for my mother. I would even say that I was a source of strength for her because I gave her a reason to keep going in life. To this day she always tells me, “even though the marriage ended in divorce, the one good thing that I got out of it was you.”

The strengths that my family members exhibited during this event were that they were supportive, sympathetic, and compassionate. All of my family supported my mother’s decision to get a divorce from my father since she was mistreated and miserable in the marriage. My grandmother was supportive of my mother because she allowed my mother and me to move into her house after the divorce.

Additionally, my grandmother and her sister were supportive because they helped my mother raise me. As a nurse, my mother worked twelve-hour night shifts and it was my grandmother along with her sister who watched me and continued to take care of me when my mother was working so that she would be able to support me financially. I think it was the strengths that my family possessed during and after the divorce that enabled my mother to rebuild herself. For the most part, I believe that my family had a significant influence on my development and how I came to be the person I am today.

Cultural Influences. One major cultural influence that affected my family’s experience of the divorce was their Polish heritage. Being Polish, my family was raised with the belief that no matter what happens, family sticks together and helps each other out. We look out for one another and are very family-oriented. Specifically, in Poland, the family is at the very center of people’s lives. Along with this, family members outside of the nuclear family in Poland play a main role. Grandparents are always very close to their grandchildren and involved in their lives, which is what my grandmother exhibited by helping raise me.

Another cultural influence that affected my family’s experience of the divorce was their Catholic religion. Throughout the divorce and after my family relied heavily on their Catholic religion as a basis for consolation, strength, and rediscovering their sense of self by praying and going to church (Walsh, 2010). With this in mind, the way my family responded to my mother’s divorce and supported her can be traced back to their Polish heritage and Catholic religion.

Risk and Protective Factors

Risk Factors

The risk factors that affected the likelihood of my family experiencing the divorce as mentioned by Davies (2011) were that my mother was being mistreated by my father, their marriage was high conflict (arguments), and my father did not know how to take care of a child (impaired parenting), and also that my father was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (mental impairment). Due to all of these risk factors, not only did the likelihood of my parents getting a divorce increase but also did the likelihood that my family would have to experience the divorce.

Protective Factors. As for protective factors, my grandmother provided my mother with warmth and support. Another protective factor was that I had supportive caregiving such that my mother was taking care of me, but also my grandmother too. As for my mother and I, we both had many supportive factors in our lives during and after the divorce. Not only did I form a secure attachment relationship with my mother, but I also formed one with my grandmother, which fostered my resilience. It was because of their responsive parenting by consistently meeting my needs that I was able to overcome the divorce and accept it as a part of my life. With this in mind, the relationship that I had with my grandmother after the divorce was a major protective factor because she helped me emotionally cope with my feelings and was there for me when my mother could not be (Davies, 2011).

Oppression. Oppression was not a factor in my family’s experience of the divorce for a few reasons. One reason was that my mother was educated and had a career. Being educated, my mother knew what resources were available to her in order to file for a divorce and have it finalized. Another reason was that she was independent and able to support herself, along with me due to her career as a nurse. However, in other cultures divorce is not an option and women are the property of their husbands. Based on my family’s cultural upbringing, divorce was accepted if you were being mistreated.

On the opposite side, when looking at the divorce from my father’s perspective, I would say that he was oppressed even though he was educated, had a career, and had his own house. My father was oppressed after the divorce because he missed out on so many milestones and time with me since the court gave full custody to my mother.

Systems

Empowerment and Systems

One way that my family felt empowered was when my mother was granted full custody of me because my father was incompetent of fully being able to meet my needs. Also, given that my father was diagnosed with a personality disorder, the judge felt as though this was not the most suitable environment for my psychological development. The larger social system that had given my mother the right to full custody was the legal system, which is an aspect of the macrosystem. An example of a law that the legal system upholds pertaining to divorce is that a child has no say as to when or which parent he or she wants to spend time with until the age of eighteen. I also think my mother felt empowered since she was able to work full-time as a nurse and also raise a child as a single parent at home. This empowerment she felt would be an interaction between microsystems.

Systems Involved in the Divorce. One major system involved in the divorce for my mother was the community of the Catholic church, which is an aspect of the mesosystem. My mother told me that when she was debating whether or not to file for divorce she would speak to a priest and ask for advice. The priest told her that if she is not happy and the high conflict in the marriage can affect the child, then it is best for her to get a divorce. Another key aspect of the mesosystem was family. After the divorce, my mother relied on her family not only for support and empowerment but also for help in raising me. In order to file and finalize the divorce, my mother depended on the legal system (macrosystem), especially attorneys and judges. As for how my family responded to the divorce, a major aspect that influenced how they reacted was their Polish values (macrosystem) such that family helps each other out, which is what my family did by supporting my mother through this difficult time.

Interaction of Various Systems. According to Rogers (2016), systems theory is an approach that allows us to recognize that there is not only an interaction between people and the systems within society but also that the systems are interrelated and influence behavior. When applying this theory to my parent’s divorce, it is important to realize that a person cannot understand how I was affected by this event without recognizing how I am affected by my family system, school system, and church system. Specifically, I possess different roles within each of these systems such as I am a daughter in the family system, I am a student in the school system, and I am a follower of God in the church system.

When my family members bring up the divorce today, it still is a sensitive topic for me because I have strong, vivid memories of everything that I went through. However, my family would not know how sensitive of a topic the divorce is for me if I did not tell them that I prefer they do not talk about it. This instance relates to the notion of systems theory that change is facilitated through feedback mechanisms. The feedback I gave my family was negative, but informing them about my feelings resulted in a positive change in their behaviors. Based on this example, there was an interaction between the micro-and mesosystems in my life.

Another example relating to systems theory is the boundaries that the court had set for me to follow until I was eighteen years old, which tremendously affected family dynamics. Basically, the boundaries the court had set defined the relationships within my family system. I lived with my mother and grandmother but only saw my father twice a week for a few hours and on every other weekend. Reflecting back now, I think it was the boundaries that the court had set that created a disconnect between my father and I, as opposed to the secure attachment relationship I had established with my mother. Based on this, the court (macrosystem) impacted the relationships I had with my family (mesosystem).

Ultimately, divorce can substantially affect a child’s development if risk factors outweigh protective factors in his or her environment. However, both my mother and I were resilient due to the supportive factors we had in our environment. It was the interaction of systems and the quality of the systems in my life that mitigated my risk of having lifelong effects from the divorce (Ungar, 2013). Therefore, at twenty-two years old I have finally come to accept the divorce as a part of my life and come to understand it on my own terms.

References

1. Davies, D. (2011). Child development: A practitioner’s guide. New York: The Guilford Press.
2. Rogers, A.T. (2016). Human behavior in the social environment: New directions in social work. New York: Routledge.
3. Walsh, F. (2010). Religion, spirituality and the family: Multifaith perspectives. in F. Walsh (ed.) Spiritual resources in family therapy. New York: Guilford.
4. Ungar, M. (2013). Annual review: What is resilience within the social ecology of human development? Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 54(4), 348-366.

Divorce is common among married couples in today’s society. According to new data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the United States, 43 percent of initial relational partnerships end in divorce or separation within the first 15 years (CDC, 2022). The high divorce rate has prompted greater research on the detrimental impact of divorce on children. Children face several daily challenges, such as peer pressure and discovering their own identities. Adults and parents, especially in today’s environment, sometimes forget what it’s like to be a child coping with some of the basic stresses that children encounter. Every year, over one million children are affected by parental divorce, and over 40% of all children will experience parental divorce before reaching adulthood (Eyo, U. E. 2018).

Erik Erikson is a well-known and influential psychoanalyst. Rather than focusing just on early life events and educational development, his psychosocial approach highlights how educational and social elements and interactions shape people’s personalities throughout their lives (Maree 2021). According to psychosocial theory, all humans go through eight developmental stages in the course of their lives, from early childhood to late maturity. There are challenges and crises to overcome at each stage, and successful achievement of each challenge leads to a healthy sense of personality and ability. These developmental activities have an impact on a child’s perception of divorce. The trust versus mistrust stage is the first stage of Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development theory. It is during this stage that a person begins to develop trust in others and distrust those who are not trusted. This stage begins when the infant is born and lasts until the youngster is around 18 months old. In this important stage of their lives, children are growing and shaping their views of the world. This is a time when they develop their complete personality. Children rely almost completely on their parents. It is not surprising that how parents interact with their babies has a great impact on their physical and mental health. Early patterns of trust, according to Erickson, help neonates form a stable foundation of trust, which is vital for their social and emotional development. A child who builds trust effectively will feel safe and secure in the world. When parents of a child of this age divorce, it is important to maintain continuity of care so that the child can develop internal trust. This will help him or her to build a healthy connection in the future.

The third stage in Erik Erikson’s theory of psychological development is the acquisition of initiative versus guilt. This time period spans between the ages of 3 and 5 years. During the initiative phase, children learn to assert their power and control over their environment by directing their play and social interactions. Children must realize that they have authority over themselves and the world. They must explore on their own to uncover their own abilities. As a result of this, they will be able to develop ambition and direction (Maree 2021). Children who are struggling at this time may become reckless, worried, and depressed. Divorce is often regarded by children as the end of family life, the beginning of an uncertain future, and the loss of affection from at least one parent. Anxiety can be triggered by emotions of uncertainty and difficulties anticipating and regulating an event.

Erik Erikson’s psychological development theory includes the fourth stage of industry vs inferiority, which comes after the third stage of initiative vs guilt. The phase lasts from the age of six to eleven years and lasts throughout childhood. According to Erikson’s theory, individuals go through a number of developmental phases as they grow and develop. Unlike many others, Erickson’s theory covers changes that occur throughout the lifespan from birth to death (Maree 2021). Divorced parents need to support their children’s ability to cope with age-appropriate situations, taking care that their children are not overloaded with unprepared physical or emotional demands. That being said, communication is crucial in this situation. The act of speaking not only helps people get what they want, but it also helps couples stay connected in their relationships. At its foundation, communication in relationships is about connecting and using verbal, written, and physical abilities to meet the requirements of one’s partner.

There are various negative repercussions of divorce, and it is vital that both parents stay supportive and take their children’s development seriously in order to make the transition as smooth as possible. Many parents are unaware that a divorce may affect their children just as much as it affects them. Divorce, in any case, has a profound influence on the majority of children. Some children respond and manage the situation differently than others, but all youngsters go through some type of emotional development. Children are heavily impacted by their parents’ activities at a young age, and this effect can persist throughout their development and adulthood. Almost three decades of study on the impact of family structure on children’s health and well-being has revealed that children who live with their married, biological parents have better physical, emotional, and intellectual well-being (Anderson, 2014). Each child and family is obviously unique, with different strengths and weaknesses, personalities and temperaments, varying degrees of social, emotional, and economic resources, and varying family dynamics prior to divorce. Divorce has been demonstrated to diminish a child’s future competency in all parts of life, including family ties, education, emotional well-being, and future economic potential, regardless of these distinctions (Anderson, 2014).

When parents divorce when their children are young, the custody arrangements of the parents may disrupt a child’s social network and schooling, decreasing subsequent educational achievement and frequently leading to poor vocational results (Uphold-Carrier

Introduction to Divorce and Marriage

What is the meaning of marriage one might think it’s the happiest thing in the world, while others might think it’s the worst thing one can do in life. All human beings think differently depending on the situation. Divorce can be defined as a legal dissolution of marriage because of many factors which can be internal or external. Marriage is a bond that unites two people who decide to live together for the rest of their life and to stay side by side for health and sickness. Divorce on the other hand is the opposite of marriage which is a process couples go through when they decide not to live together. From many obstacles and difficulties, Divorce is one of the hardest things people can go through especially if a family is formed, but Nowadays, many marriages are ending in divorce in the early stages and are increasing at a higher rate all around the world. Many Societies don’t accept divorce, especially in developing countries such as most African countries and the Middle East country, on the other hand, divorce is common and very easily acceptable and even suggest as a solution in developed countries such as the United State of America. All around the world, there are many people who couldn’t stay married and choose the road to divorce for many reasons. Nowadays the rate of divorce is getting very high, one of the interesting facts is that divorce is common in educated and financially well families. Three are many causes for divorce that have been identified and that include hanging roles of women, Poverty and low income, stress found in family life, Alcoholism, lack of communication, and marriage at a young age.

Changing Roles of Women: A Catalyst for Divorce

One of the reasons for the high divorce rates is that women are changing their roles in life. In the old days, women stayed home and cared for their children and their husband. Husbands, on the other hand, were the key to everything. Women were expecting everything from their husbands including groceries, and house expenses like rent, and everything. With the changing economy and society, women are getting an education, going to school, and graduating from university. Women are changing the way things are like a marriage. Nowadays women are working and providing everything for their home as their husband does, so they don’t need to expect anything from their husband in order to provide anything which changes how marriages used to be. As women become independent, they tend to have confidence and lower tolerance for violence from their spouses. In earlier times, women were supposed to tolerate any abuse from their husbands because they had no other alternative. The equality that we are seeing today where women are more educated, are becoming their own bosses, and have their own income takes marriage into a different level. women are becoming more independent from their spouses, especially in terms of money; this high rate of independence made it easier for women to leave their husbands if they are unhappy in any case in the slightest form of provocation (Coontz 532). Over time, divorce is rampant in couples where the wife is equally educated as the husband. Women who are earning are highly likely to get divorced.

Financial Strain: Poverty, Low Income, and Unemployment

Poverty and low income are the main problems in the world today. Many people don’t have enough food to eat or a shelter to live in. Most people will get married thinking things will be better and easier when they get married, but many people suffer a lot from poverty and face many difficulties throughout their lives. As in the book Divorce in Canada, “an impoverished couple has many more problems to cope with than a more privileged couple” (Ambert 71) the main problem that many couples must face is the issue of money. People start life thinking they will handle everything that comes their way especially if they are with their partner, but the truth is that couples with no money have the probability to argue more often because of lack of food, diversion, and unemployment. Even though some people that have these kinds of problems tend to be happier, most people find it hard to even take a breath with kind of problem. So, the only option that is left will be divorced.

A study by the National Bureau of Economic Research Inc. shows that some financial problems are more likely to lead to divorce than others. One example would be getting fired. Getting fired from a job significantly impacts the probability of getting divorced. The National Bureau of Economic Research also says that married men who are fired have an 18% higher chance of being divorced within three years of losing their jobs than men who aren’t fired from jobs. Women are said to have a 13% higher chance (Lost 26) of getting divorced if they get fired. Most of the time Getting fired will put all the burden on one person, and the person that has all the burden usually goes through a lot of stress in order to manage everything.

Stress and Money: The Impact on Marital Relationships

Stress can be a huge cause of marital difficulties (Lafayette 18). The one thing that always comes up frequently times in research is that money causes the most stress for married couples. According to PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), money is the start of many more arguments than any other topic. Citibank also states that their research shows money to be the leading cause of divorce (Money 128). Money causes friction in the marriage, Couples that don’t have enough money, or couples that have enough money will most probably fight with their partner because of money. The search for more money has brought the dark side of most people to this day. Women can go places and do many unheard of things in the name of looking for money (Chavis, & Lyles 254). This is partly caused by the rise in living conditions. The price of food has risen around the world, gas is increasing and the cost of getting an education is on rising that never been before. With this, there is an increased struggle to get money, making people stress more.

Alcoholism and Communication Breakdown

In the modern style especially this day Alcohol and drugs play an important role in people’s life. when everybody starts drinking it is always for fun, and it’s not that harmful in the beginning, but when one person gets addicted to it, people’s life will change forever, “may in itself be the result of a poor and disruptive marital relationship” (Ambert 85). Alcoholism problems occur in both men and women, if one partner is unhappy, and if one partner doesn’t get what they want from their partner in marriage most people will tend to turn to alcohol, where alcohol seems their one and only entertainment at that point, and they think it’s the only choice they have to make their life bearable. If only one partner is an alcoholic then the other partner might help the other to get out of the addiction by loving and caring and by keeping the marriage, but mostly it doesn’t work that way it mostly will end in divorce.

Communication is a key role in any marriage. If married people lack communication in the relationship, the bond between them will be loosened, and both partners will go their separate ways which is not going to help save the marriage, instead, it will keep the partners going separate ways, and one might be looking for someone that they can communicate well and understand them more. Not communicating enough decreases the amount of love, romance, attraction, and understanding between each other, and there will be more flights rather than love and caring relationships between the couple. As one survey taker stated, “Being stubborn, resentful, too much negativity, lack of trust and constant doubt.” are all caused due to the lack of communication between married people.

The Pitfalls of Early Marriage and Parenthood

Another common cause of divorce is getting married at a young age. Thousand of marriages occur each year, especially between 15 to 19. It is recently decreasing, but it is still high (Garber 12-13). The rate of divorce in a young marriage is extremely high. According to Jeanne Warren Lindsay, author of the book Teenage Marriage, many teenagers jump into marriage hoping to escape from an unhappy home. Many teenagers see marriage as a chance to create a safe home, which could be a happier place; Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t always work out like that. Lindsay states when teenagers are developing their own identity and going in a different direction they often, can’t keep the original relationship. These are some of the things that young married couples must deal with and unfortunately, most can’t, or don’t want to make the effort. The fact that married teenagers are forced into an adult world only adds stress to their life (Garber 12-13). they might be forced to support themselves and their spouse financially and mentally even if they are not prepared to do all that. The other factor in young marriages is pregnancy. Although pregnancy is commendable, marriage is not the way to do it. Researchers have found that a baby’s presence makes the marriage harder, especially in early marriage. The reason for this is that a young couple must struggle to adjust to parenthood and each other at the same time (Garber 12-13). Either of those two things is a lot to deal with; having both simultaneously on one’s hands can be a bit much.

The Aftermath: Effects of Divorce on Individuals and Society

Most of the time divorce has a negative effect, most children who grow up in single-parent families have always doubts and they will take the option to escape from home with any chance they get because the separation of their parents will hurt them the most and they are most likely to become street urchins. Consequently, they wouldn’t be able to get basic needs such as education, food, and shelter, making them engage in negative actions such as crime, prostitution, and drug abuse. Nonetheless, some of the effects of divorce can be positive. For instance, when couples get a divorce peacefully it might be healthy for both individuals. They will concentrate on other life matters, and they will live their own life without wasting each other time. Children will also have a positive experience from peaceful divorce; they will be free from heartbreaks caused by unpeaceful divorce and they might find their path in life and get high self-esteem. Furthermore, they can also benefit from divorce when the court decides on the division of their income which will help both to manage their finances for the sustenance of their children.

Conclusion: Reflections on Marriage and Divorce

In conclusion, Marriage or all relationships require consistency and an equal or fair level of effort from everyone involved. Despite the number of files on divorce cases raised in courts today, the two must remain together to form a healthy family. Staying side by side with each other is what they need despite the upheavals that increase due to ideological differences in marriage (Hank, 2011). Currently, divorce occurs because of the lack of communication, stress caused by modern life, the empowerment of women, and many more reasons that will lead to both positive and negative effects. Couples without children see it as significant to divorce with their consent to solve their differences while those with children should ensure that their children should not be victims of the broken relationship. Nevertheless, people should think wisely before choosing a life partner to lower the increasing divorce rate. there are many causes of divorce. A relationship can be saved if you have better communication with each other, if one is addicted to something one can help the partner come out and save their life. People can’t change poverty, but if four hands start working together, life can be changed.

Brian, (2011) stated “Separation is linked with highly increased risk of so many psychological and social problems throughout the life span of a person. While experiencing parental separation most of the family members especially children have rough reactions towards divorce during the process but once it’s done gradually they learn to deal with it. It appears things seem worse unless they happen.”

Cherlin, AJ, 1992. The study investigated the psychological effects of divorce on women. A study found that divorced couples one way or the come across some levels of psychological stress including emotional breakdown as compared to married couples. Divorced women still have mixed feelings of sorrow and regret because they think they could have done something to make the marriage work. Whether they were guilty of attaining the divorce still they are of the view that if they had given some thought things would be different as they are now.

Divorce women and men who feel guilt about their marriage have psychological effects, it was realized that 16% (8) of the respondents strongly agreed that they felt guilty for their failed marriage, 46% (23) of the respondents agreed that guilt has psychological problems, 30% (15) of the respondents were uncertain about this issue, 8% (4) of the respondents disagreed that guilt has psychological problems. The study found that divorcees who feel guilt toward their failed marriage have major psychological problems, the majority of the respondents agreed with this statement.

Gallup survey of Pakistan reported in their survey that nearly half of all Pakistanis (48%) believe that the rate of divorce has increased in past years, 32% were of the view that there has been no notable change in divorce ratio for the last few years, whereas 19% claim it has decreased by one way or the other. The various factors that were causing an increase in divorce rate were as follows, the absence of patience in the couples was the main factor with a percentage of 48, after that the influence of social media in daily life was witnessed by 33% causing it the second highest factor, impact of western culture were found in 27% of the related population, career-oriented women were there at the ratio of 12%, and men’s lack of affection towards their current partners. Significantly, after 2002 when the Muslim Family Courts Amendment Ordinance (that a move for khula be finalized if reconciliation fails and should be done so within six months), was effected, female-initiated divorce rose by almost 50 percent the following year. Male divorces also rose by 40 percent. There are so many changing reasons and perceptions that are adding to the dissolution of marriage nowadays.

Shankar Vedantam, 2011. The main focus of the study was to investigate the changing perceptions and factors of divorce in today’s society and to find out the psychological impacts on women their strategy for tackling problems and how they adjust themselves in society as a normal person. It was intended to see whether they are supported by their families and society after divorce or not.

Panse, 2007. The communication gap is the major cause of divorce. A marriage can be ended when the communication between the two people fails. Couples can’t have an effective relationship if they don’t discuss what they are feeling about each other, can’t talk about their issues which can be personal or mutual, hide their small matters with each other, and expect their partner to guess what the whole problem is about.

Khan,2007. In Islam, a major religion followed by the Muslim community in the country, if men have the power to divorce their wives then women also have the equal right to get a divorce. A divorce filed by a wife against her husband is known as khula. It means to take off. In the light of Islam, it is consisted of dissolving the ownership of marriage, with the consent and acceptance of the wife by the use of the word khula’

Jallendhary,2001. Our religion tells us about the importance of marriage and its dissolution, unluckily our society has deprived its real meaning and like other matters, divorce is also used for its purposes. Allah never liked divorce, says the Quran. According to Islam, Divorce is not an act of taking revenge on another person or showing personal hatred for one another unfortunately it has become one in our society today. The after effects of divorce especially on women are more crucial as compared to men. Most of the time when divorce happens it is considered the woman’s fault and not only in the East but even in the West mainly the woman is held responsible for the failure of a marriage. The social stigma of being a divorcee impacts women in all the phases of life, making it and continuous struggle for women to lead a dignified life of honor.

Kumar, 2006. “Divorce brings both case scenarios for the divorced people. On one hand, it is very relieving for one party but on the other hand, it gets very personal for the other party especially the anxiety given by society. It could be a male as well as female but most chances are for the females. During his research, 36 percent of the females were reported physically ill after their divorce. The study showed common diseases to the severe ones was resulted among females.”

Lorentezen, 2006. The stages through which a divorced person passes are more effective than the act of death. The personal bitter and emotional tensions are another thing but how a society reacts towards divorce is more devastating. In divorced couples especially women, mixed emotions were found including relief to some extent but the hypertension like anger, hate, sadness, and worry about the future were so overrated that their total personality had to change with it. Their part of lives where any part of society plays a role becomes lemmatized because of the continuous fear of facing social unacceptance.

Meyer, Cathy, 2013. “Divorce always comes with a package of black marks with it, closed family members of the divorced people do not want to accept any sort of discomfort which leads to any disgrace or shame caused by divorcing personalities towards them by the people around them. So family pressurized them especially on women to remain in unsuccessful marriage than to get a divorce.”

Qadir,2005. “The current study is investigating the changing perceptions and factors of dissolution of marriage and psychological problems faced by divorced couples and to figure out the social adjustment issues of divorced women.