Category: Divorce

Introduction

In our modern society, divorce has become very wide spread among married couples. Children from poor backgrounds caught in the midst of a divorce lead miserable lives. This can be attributed to a number of factors both economical and social. Society in most cases associate divorce with a rise in depression due to the loss of a partner. Family dreams and ambitions are also destroyed and their lifestyles are changed.

In the event of a divorce children are tremendously affected and in most cases attention is not given to them the way it should. Many of these children are not prepared when the divorce happens and they dont get much support from the adults. The divorce has adverse effects on the children both socially, mentally and emotionally. (McDaniel&Tepperman, 2003, p.604)

In recent years, research has shown that children who are living within stable families are better than children from divorce families. In school, these children experience problems with their behavior as well as coping with their peers. Worse still, they have problems in associating with their parents.

Children who are at the adolescence stage from divorce families have a higher rate of rebellion than those who are in stable families. Often, they possess problems that require professional help. (Gottman& DeClaire, 1998, p.236)

Children at different ages exhibit different ways of coping with the divorce of the parents. When they are between three to five years, they may experience regression in their development and the habits they had learnt earlier may be forgotten.

They may also have problems of sleeping and fear of being separated from parents. At the age of six to eight years, they may have fantasies of their parents reconciling and they will openly mourn for the parent who is gone. Those children at the age of eight to eleven years will exhibit feelings of anger and loneliness.

They will refer to one parent as good while the other may appear bad to them. At the adolescence stage, they may have suicidal thoughts and stress coupled with depression. They may not be able to commit in relationships of their own because they do not believe in marriage. (Gottman& DeClaire, 1998, p.237)

Emotional effects of divorce and poverty on children

Children can be affected emotionally by a divorce in situations where a divorce turns nasty and there are cases of prolonged custody battles. It can be emotionally draining to everyone involved and especially to the children who do not have any say on what is happening around them. A childs self esteem is one of the most affected areas in a childs life.

This is seen in the way the child views himself. The children may feel they did something bad that caused the divorce. This leaves a child depressed, sad and sometimes angry at themselves. Their emotional security is affected with the child fearing that the parents will leave and not knowing what will happen next.

This leaves a child feeling lonely especially when a parent is not there. They get afraid when they realize bills have not been paid something that was not a problem when the parents were still married. (Gottman& DeClaire, 1998, p.237)

A child may feel very angry towards other people or themselves as they may feel like they have failed to keep their parents together. Breaking of rules at any given opportunity can be a way of punishing themselves as well as abusing drugs or alcohol.

Destructive behavior is also exhibited by the children with feelings of guilt haunting them. The child may lash out uncontrollably, gets withdrawn and may avoid any social contact with other children. Others may start engaging in pre marital sex or increasing early sexual activities leading to teenage pregnancies as well as abuse of drugs.

These children dont take responsibility for their mistakes and turn out to be very violent. Their lives change so much and the parent who has custody may not be able to support them any more causing the children to miss school and this causes friction with the school administration. (McDaniel&Tepperman, 2003, p.605)

Social effects of divorce and poverty on children

Children can also be affected socially by the divorce of their parents. When these children living in poverty become divorce victims, they fail to develop socially and hence cannot be able to reach their full potential in life.

Since they might have to live with only one parent for example living with the mother, they may lack the role model of the father. In situations where they have to arrange for parental visitations, the children will move around so much and this way they are not able to spend time with their peers and also their hobbies may be neglected.

They start to resent their lifestyles and in most cases they may feel that their parents do not want them any longer. The children may not be able to perform well in school for lack of concentration in class and the parent may not have time to help with the homework. A student who was achieving very good grades in class starts to fail tremendously. (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2008, p.728)

Also a child at a younger age who had learnt how to use the toilet may start wetting the bed or crying at night when the parent cannot come to put them to bed. The middle aged child may feel rejected when the parent doesnt show up for school visitation. A child who had good eating habits may stop eating and start throwing away food because they are no longer happy.

This may cause resentment towards one parent by the children blaming him or her for the break up. Children from divorce families as they become young adults may not feel any satisfaction in life and especially in relationships. They may not be able to trust any relationship partners they may have in life because they have grown seeing their parents separated. This will lead in not committing to a relationship and may have problems with creating and maintaining friendships. (McDaniel&Tepperman, 2003, p.606)

Mental effects of divorce and poverty on children

Children get mentally affected by their families disintegration. This causes the child to be stressed especially when he or she has to do more responsibilities at home. They also have to work hard taking up more responsibilities since they have to help their parent to provide for their needs.

The parent who is struggling in poverty to provide for the children may in most cases reprimand the children even when they are not wrong because she is stressed. Sadness also fills their lives at the loss of their family security when they believe one parent is gone forever.

If this sadness is not managed to help the child cope with the loss of a parent, it can lead to depression on the childs part. The child can also become hostile towards everything and everybody. Anger is another effect of depression on children due to lack of acceptance of the divorce and blame their parents for the divorce since they believe it was unnecessary in the first place. (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2008, p.730)

A child may experience constant thoughts of suicide as well as violence because they have not learnt to cope with the separation of the parents. These children start to become more independent and exhibit personal growth because they feel they cannot depend on their parents anymore.

In cases where the parent cannot provide for the children, they are forced to leave school and help their parents. Sometimes they are forced to live in the streets as street children because of the poverty. The parent cannot do anything to help the children and they have to depend on themselves for all their needs. Diseases may attack these children since they are vulnerable in the streets without any security. (Gottman& DeClaire, 1998, p.239)

Conclusion

Parental love and constant support is a key in the health mental, social and emotional development of a child. In the case of divorce, the children may feel extremely sad and depressed.

Many families who are living in poverty and are divorced subject their children to depressing environments and this may hinder their normal growth. Poverty and divorce are common in our society and parents should be able to protect their children from all sorts of marital problems. They should give them the security they need for them to have a normal growth.

Reference List

Gottman, J., & DeClaire J. (1998). Raising an emotional intelligent child. Simon & Schuster, 2(2), 231-240.

Kail, V.R., & Cavanaugh, C.J. (2008). Human development: A Life- Span View. (5^th Ed), Cengage Learning, 1(1).698-735.

McDaniel, A.S., &Tepperman. (2003). Close Relations: An introduction to the sociology of Families. (2^nd Ed), Pearson Education Canada, 5(2), 597-608.

Most of the juvenile cases reported are committed by youngsters who fall between the age group of 11 to 17. Many reasons cause the increase in the number of juvenile delinquents this may include; cross-cultural marriages, illiteracy among parents, and peer influence. The most notable cause that has seen the rise in the number of juvenile delinquents is the increase in the number of divorce rates witnessed throughout the world. The research below will look at a case study of juvenile delinquents and how their increase in number is directly related to the increase of divorce rates.

Correlation of child delinquency with Divorce

The family plays a huge role in shaping a Childs character. The family surroundings that is; Father, Mother, and other siblings will greatly have an impact on the creation of a juvenile delinquent. Recent research carried out in 2006 by Robin Gayles, shows that children whose parents applied good parenting strategies reduced the chances of their kids being juvenile delinquents while parents who were never keen on the development of their kids usually in their adolescent stage had a high tendency of turning into juvenile delinquents.

The main cause of the increase in the number of Juvenile delinquencies can be attributed to the increase in the number of divorces being witnessed in the whole world. For a child to grow up with upright morals he has to be fully guarded by both of his parents. Both the Mother and Father of a given Kid have particular roles that they have to play to ensure that they bring up morally upright kids (Richard, 1992, p 220).

The mother plays the largest role in the upbringing of a kid, she can develop the kid in which way she may want. This is the reason why a kid has to have proper guidance because as he grows up into an adult he has to have with the right aspects in mind(Sheldon, 2007, p 304). The mother is responsible for instilling values such as kindness and humility into the kid by being kind and supportive to the child; if she is harsh to the kid the kid tends to pick the harsh behavior from her. Harsh behavior is known to be a catalyst to delinquency.

The mother will influence the childs behavior, such as habits, worries, the way the child move, act and feel(Sheldon, 2007, p 304). If a mother has attitude problems she will instill them to the kid and in turn, the kid will be vulnerable to exhibit delinquent behavior. Many mothers are raising their children as single parents due to divorce. This leads to many problems which may arise with time. Kids raised in such families lack fatherly instincts and this makes them become personality-wise as they rely on one direction. This would damage their character as they are growing up (Beattie, 1996, p 500).

Another problem that may affect children affected by divorce which may lead them to adopt delinquent behavior is the numerous abuses and criticism they are subjected by their fellow students in schools. The children face these insults mainly in elementary and middle school where students develop the behavior of criticizing others.

The criticizing students tend to bully and even make fun of the single-parent kids. Such attacks damage kids and they tend to develop the habit of being harsh or even develop the habit of developing anger towards their mother. Women who are divorced tend to work hard to support their families and spend less time with their children; this makes it very hard for them to detect any behavioral changes in the kids. Such kids tend to develop delinquent behavior since they lack proper guidance from their parents (Bowker, 2008, p 83).

The father also plays an important role in the childs development stage. In all a kids life, he needs a father figure in his/her life. If such a figure does not exist in their lives then they will lack certain values in life that a father is supposed to provide. One of the values a father provides in Kids is security; Kids feel secure when their father is around that is they feel they have someone to turn to in case of any problem.

The kids mother also needs assistance in raising the kids and sharing the responsibility with the kids Father makes life easier for the entire family. The comfortable atmosphere in the Family impacts the Childs behavior in the right direction and prevents him from developing delinquent behavior (Burt, 2008, p 1675). Kids whose parents have divorced are immensely affected by the lack of proper Mother care and Fatherly security and they tend to develop delinquent behavior. This is why the rising divorce rate witnessed in the whole world is considered to be the main contributor to the immense increase in the number of delinquent juveniles in most parts of the world today (Thomas, 2008, p 5).

A case study carried out in September 2008 which had an aim of crimes committed by United Arab Emirates youths who are in the age bracket of between 11 to 17 revealed that there is a significant increase in the number of crimes committed by them. The study revealed that in 2008 thirty-five juvenile delinquents from twelve different nationalities were sent to various juvenile departments in the country.

This according to the United Arab Emirates physiologists is alarming since the number has been increasing rapidly over the years. The number of delinquents in the country is little as compared to other countries like the United States who have a very large number of Juvenile delinquents but according to the country standards, the current number of kids is quite alarming (Katja, 2005, p 76).

The causes of the increase in the number of child delinquents in UAE include; cross-culture marriages, illiteracy of both parents, and influence from peers (Thomas, 2008, p 5). However, the most notable factor is the rapid increase in the number of broken families that have been caused by divorce.

Conclusion

Parental guidance is considered to be the most essential aspect of a childs development process. For a child to follow the right path in life and even develop good character he has to be taught how to do so by both of his parents. Each parent has his role to play to ensure that a child develops good behavior. If a child is raised by a single parent in most cases by a single Mother there are some values he will lack while growing up which are supposed to be taught by the other parent. The lack of such values may lead him to develop delinquent behavior; that is why it is true to say that the rate of increase in the rate of divorces is directly proportional to the increase in the number of delinquent juveniles.

References

Beattie, Valerie. Causes of Child delinquency. Studies in the Novel Journal of Marriage and the Family, 28.4 (1996): 493-505.

Bowker, R. (2008). Young persons in conflict with the law. Solicitor publishers. Page 83.

Burt, S. (2008). Parental divorce and adolescent delinquency.: Journal of Research on Adolescence Vol 44, 1668-1677.

Katja, F. (2005). Dealing with Juvenile delinquents. Clifford publishers. Page 76. (Case study).

Richard, E. (1992). Practical value of scientific study on delinquent juveniles. Published by U.S. G.P.O. Page 220.

Sheldon, G. (2007). Juvenile delinquents treatment. McGraw publishers. Page 304.

Thomas, E. (2008). Social determinants in juvenile delinquency. University of Michigan. Page 5.

Abstract

With divorce rates being more common in the 21^st century more than any other time in history, children are increasingly on the receiving end for decisions made by their parents. While it may be too complicated for the younger children to understand, those aged between eight to eighteen years understands the implications that the absence of one parent will have on their lives.

The consequences of the divorce on children are mainly psychological and may affect the way they relate to their parents, siblings and friends. It may also affect their development and their learning abilities in addition to having long time consequences in their adulthood. With the help of parents, some children can recover from the divorce within three years, while others may take longer.

Effects of Divorce on Children

A peaceful and loving home is where every child wants to be. However, the realization that mum and dad are not always the loving couple that most children would want is evident to most children once the bedroom fights cannot be further contained. When such is the case, the parents usually opt for separation or worse still, divorce. In the 21^st century, divorce is a common thing that always leaves the children as casualties. When the battle between parents soars, the two are usually too preoccupied with the conflict and often, this wrecks havoc on the children. This happens when the façade of love that the children believed that their parents had shatters and some parents even neglect their nurturing duties. When the divorce is eventually granted, children have to deal with bitter lessons rising from the divorce proceedings. For the first time, some of the children get to learn that their parents are capable of frightening and hurting other people.

Should the children be allowed to attend divorce proceedings, where they are exposed to a spectrum of abusive and antagonistic behavior, which may include verbal abuse, threats, emotional blackmail and even physical cruelty (Gunsberg, L. and Hymowitz, 2005)? These behaviors pose a psychological danger to most children caught between the fighting parents. Apart from the fact that the children may learn to like and protect one of the parent who looks like the victim, they also suffer grave psychosomatic consequences.

Experiencing loss

To children, divorce presents are a continuous nightmare (Westman, Jack, 2001). After divorce, the children learn to live without one of the parent. Since most of the parents tend to remarry, the children also have to contend with whoever their parents choose to cohabit or remarry. Unlike the parents who reach stability quite fast after a divorce, children have to keep contemplating what life was before the divorce. Although some parents may be able to counsel their children towards forgetting the past and dwelling on their present lives, the divorce usually remain a central part of their childhood experiences. Subsequently, the habits, behaviors, personalities, attitudes and even relationships that the children may forge in their teenage and early adulthood years are affected by this period in the childs life (Westman, 2001).

The loss may not only be psychological but also material based. Once a divorce occurs, the children may have to adapt to a lower standard of living. This is worse if the parent to whom custody is granted is not as financially well off as the other parent. When such is the case, the children cannot help making comparisons between their living conditions, with what the well-off parent can afford (Menestrel, Suzzane, 2008).

The children may also experience a change in lifestyle for different reasons. The reduced family income may mean that the children will have to adopt a more affordable lifestyle. This includes the need to move houses, change schools and even change friends. The children also loose confidence in the ability of one parent providing them security in addition to loosing the close relationships that children share with parents living in the same family unit (Rector, Robert 2004).

Self Blame and Anger

Anger is a common feeling among children who feels that the divorce was unnecessary. Such children tend to blame the parent they believe to be responsible for the divorce. In other cases, the child may feel that he/she did not play hard enough to stop the parents from divorcing. Others on the other hand may think that it is their fault. When such happens, the self blame begins. The children often think that they could have played a part in getting the parents back together. Sometimes, they even think they could have slowed down the divorce process or stop it all together (Tralle, Minell. 2005).

In a paper written by Sara Eleoff (2003) titled an exploration of the Ramifications of divorce on children and adolescents, the writer notes that children reactions to divorce depends on the age at which it occurs. At ages of 3 to 5, the children may loose the development milestones achieved. The child also has disturbed sleep and may suffer the fear of loosing the custodial parent. The child may also express a deep yearn to be with the non-custodial parent.

Children aged between six and eight years are more likely to grieve the non-custodial parent. It is also at this stage that children take up fantasies and comfort items that shield them from the reality of loosing the parent. Children in this stage may exhibit nervous behaviors like clinging to the custodial parent and bed wetting. At school, they may take up repetitive behaviors (Tralle, Minell, 2005).

Those who experience divorce between the ages of eight and eleven are more likely to feel anger coupled with a sense of powerlessness. Children within this age group may also take sides with parents. Teenage children may react more intensely to divorce by their parents. They are more likely to react by going into depression, suicidal thoughts or violence. However, they also have a clearer understanding of the moral issues surrounding their parents divorce (Eleoff, Sara, 2003).

The children also worry a lot that the non-custodial parent may eventually forget or abandon them. Others on the other hand take up the parenting role for the remaining parent, often abandoning their own emotional needs to care for her/him. Some will want to find out if they can stay in the house where they used to stay before the divorce, whether they can still go to the same school, keep their friends and how much time they will have to visit the non-custodial parent. Teenage children will want to unravel the truth about the divorce. This makes it important that both parents address their children jointly as an explanation from one parent may only lead to a disconnected story once the children approach the other parent demanding for the truth (Maskovitch, Debroh, 2007).

Children concerns

Children from divorced parents are always concerned that they will loose love from one of the parent. It is hard for most children to understand how an absentee parent can love them just as much when he/she is away.

They are concerned that they will no longer be secure. In most cases, children often view each parent with a sense of security attached to him or her. When mum is around, they know that the do not run the risk of coming home to an empty kitchen while the father seems to looks like a formidable force against outside aggression.

Children who are used to the parents making decisions about what life in the house should be. This makes the children concerned about how the home will be run without the presence of one of the parents. They are also concerned about loosing the routine structures at home. Amidst their greatest worries however is the risk of loosing significance to their parents as the former take on other spouses and raising children from such marriages.

Parents roles

Some parents realize that their children need help coming to terms with the divorce early enough in the divorce proceedings. Others however, realize it when the first trouble signs that all is not well with the child appears. Whatever the case, many parents will first attempt to handle the problem before consulting any professional help.

The best recommended approach when handling children from divorced homes is for both parents to discuss the arising issues first (Long, N and Forehand, R (2002). In fact, the soonest a couple decides that the differences in the marriage cannot be worked out, they should let the children know about the decision. Accordingly, the importance of both parents being present when breaking such news to the children cannot be overemphasized. In the book Making Divorce Easier for your children, authors Long and Forehand (2002) says that the presence of both parents reaffirms to the children that although the marriage between the parents is ending, they will continue to receive love and attention from both parties. In addition, this assures the children that both parents still recognizes the parenting roles that each one plays in their lives.

The parents should however avoid arguing in front of the children as this further instills negative emotions that may come from the divorce decision. The parents are advised to be straightforward and honest but should avoid giving away too much detail about why they choose to divorce. The complexity of some divorce cases may only add up to the confusion felt by children and thus are better off left to the knowledge of both parents only.

Parents are also advised to encourage their children to ask questions about the divorce. This is because the more the children talk about it, the more their understanding of the situation will be. In addition, the parents will be presented with more opportunities to assure the children that things may change, but everything will be okay in the long run (Long and Forehand, 2002).

In cases where the children feel that they are to blame for the divorce, parents are encouraged to assure them that they are not the cause and that the divorce was entirely made on both parents differences. It is also important for the parents to emphasize their commitment to love and care for the children despite living in different houses. The non-custodial parent should especially affirm his/her regard to the children as being part of his/her family.

Both parents should take an active role in describing the changes and the things that will remain constant despite the divorce. Before breaking the divorce news to the children however, parents are encouraged to anticipate what the children may ask. This depends with each childs age. Pre school children are more likely to ask about their welfare and other things that directly affects their parents, siblings, pets and family unit. For example, the child may be concerned about whether the parents will still be their mum or dad, where the non-custodial parent will live, whether they will get to spend time with her/him or whether they can get to keep their pets and friends. A teenage child on the other hand will have deeper questions such as why the parents are being selfish, why they cannot think of anyone else except their self interests, why they cannot work out the differences, whether they will change schools or whether they can still have the same allowance (Long and Forehand, 2002).

Sometimes, the parents may find that attempts to talk about divorce do not have much impact on the child. When such is the case, therapy from a professional counselor should be the next choice. The parents can choose to either take the children along when attending therapy sessions or the parents can get expert advice of how to handle the children from the therapist, and then practice the same with the children later. Alternatively, the parents can have different sessions with the therapists after which the therapist should work with the entire family (Gurman, Alan, 2008).

Application of the John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth Integrated Attachment Theory

The theory developed by Bowlby and Ainsworth states that children have different levels of attachment to their parents depending on their age. In this theory, children aged three years are more attached to their mothers. The theory stresses the strong association between the child and the parent and the security significance that such relationship has to the child (Goldberg, Muir and Kerr, 2000).

In this attachment theory, scientists have derived the conclusion that a child develops specific expectations for the attachment figure depending on the kind of interaction that the two have. For example, being tucked to bed each night by the father makes the child develop expectations that bed time is a time for comfort and reassurance by the father. According to the Bowlby theory, such expectations are mentally ingrained in the child and therefore results in emotional attachments (Goldberg, Muir and Kerr, 2000).

In this theory, Bowlby and Ainsworth claim that an attachment to an authority figure in the childs life helps to regulate the childs behavior in her/his early childhood years. In addition, the attachment that the child has with his/her mother/father determines his/her behavior in the teenage years and early adulthood. They also determine the kind of relationship that the child will pursue in his/her adult years.

The reality of this theory can be proven today through the devastation of childrens lives. According to Patrick Fagan and Robert Rector (2001), social scientists have evidence that divorce is hurting the American society in more than one way. At least one million children loose one of their parents through divorce each year. Worse still, statistics indicate that 50 percent of all children born within wedlock will experience divorce before they hit eighteen years.

The statistics further indicate that the effects of divorce run into adulthood and might even affect children born to parents who saw their parents divorce in childhood (Fagan and Rector, 2003). In addition, children from divorced homes are more prone to neglect, abuse, and have more health problems in addition to suffering increased emotional and behavioral problems.

In school, children from divorced homes demonstrate lower learning capacities and in addition, they drop out of school more frequently. They are also at a higher risk of getting involved in suicide attempts, drug abuse and petty crimes.

Recommendations for counselors

Most children referred to expert therapy have difficulties acknowledging the reality of the divorce. In other cases, the children may be suffering psychologically from the divorce. Whichever the case, the counselor needs to help the child come to terms with the realities of the divorce. In younger children, the counselor may need to help them come to terms with the events that led to the absence of one of the parents. As stated elsewhere in this research paper, pre school children may create fantasies to help them block out the reality that their parents are no longer together (Fagan and Rector, 2003). The counselor would therefore need to address the fantasies in order to deal with developmental regressions arising from such.

Through out the literature reviewed for the purposes of this research paper, no reference to race, ethnicity or religion is made. Thus, the assumption that divorce affects children within these divides equally. Disabled children on the other hand may think the non-custodial parent left them because they were not lovable enough. On gender, boys are more prone to the effects of divorce that girls and usually react by being violent and disorderly. Girls on the other hand react by being too anxious and withdrawn (Hetherington, E. Et al, 1988). The eight year olds and those in their adolescent years may have a deeper understanding of the events, yet they may suffer more intense feelings than their younger counterparts. The counselor may find them harder to talk to since most of them have difficulties opening up. Also, the children in this age group are more likely to fall into depression and other life threatening tendencies. The counselor therefore needs to create an understanding attitude as a means of encouraging them to open up (Westman, 2001).

The next step for the counselor is to help the child disengage him/herself from the family conflict and resume former pursuits. The counselor needs to devise ways through which the child can forget about the distress at home and engage in other positive activities like school work. Activities should be able to disengage the child from the parental conflict and the worries that comes with it. The counselor needs to encourage the child towards safeguarding his/her identity and separating the course of his/her life from the divorce. As such, the counselor will need to device means through which the child can remove the divorce issue from as priority in his life. According to Jack Westman, (2001) this helps the child regain the perspective and composure required for the child to return to normal life activities.

The next step for the counselor is to help the child find a resolution for his/her loss. As noted elsewhere in this research paper, children suffer multiple losses when the parents divorce. This not only means that both parents no longer live together, but may also mean that the children get to change schools, move into new neighborhoods, loose old friends and even may mean changing the usual lifestyle. This may mean that they will have to give up family routines and traditions. Apart from disrupting their lives, the divorce also spells the loss of the protective nature that children learn to enjoy in the presence of both parents (Fagan and Rector, 2003).

The counselor should come up with a strategy that allows the child to mourn all the losses attached to the divorce. When the mourning period is over, the child will then have to come to terms with the constraints, limitations and potentials that he/she has under the divorce arrangement. Before this happens however, the counselor will have to check for any signs that suggest that the child may be feeling neglected, rejected, powerless humiliated or unloved. Should any of this be the case, the counselor will need to devise ways to help the child overcome these feelings. This may take the counselor organizing for joint family therapy sessions whereby the parents can address the feelings that the child harbors by reaffirming their love, commitment and care for the child. The parents may even need to adjust their visiting arrangements to ensure that the non-custodial parent gets to spend time with the child more often. This is because most feelings of unworthiness sprout from a child feeling that the non-custodial parent left them because they were not lovable enough.

The counselor may also need to device ways through which the child can resolve any anger or self blame feelings. Since the children know that divorce can be avoided, this even makes it harder for them. They are angry at their parents for choosing to end the marriage. It is apparent to the child that the divorce was a decision that both parents made. The teenage child may also have the ability to comprehend that some fault was involved f or the divorce decisions to be reached. If the child finds the parents blameless, then they may choose to turn the blame on themselves. Often, the children wish to have an intact family and therefore see divorce as a selfish decision of the parents (Wallerstein, J and Blakeslee, S. 2003)

The anger experienced by an adolescent child may run deep and for long periods. It is therefore the responsibility of the counselor to ensure that he/she devises ways of encouraging the child to let off the anger. Such includes explaining that anger will only lead to resentment and hate, which should not be the case. Sometime, trying to understand why an unhealthy relationship is not good for parents could also help the child resolve his/her anger. This should however be done without victimizing one of the parents as this can lead to child-parent conflict.

The counselors should also encourage the parents to buffer the children from negative financial effects of the divorce. As such, the parents should jointly try to maintain the same kind of lifestyle that the children had before the divorce. The non-custodial parent should especially take up child alimony without it appearing as if he/she is sacrificing his/her happiness. The custodial parent on the other hand should avoid looking as if he/she is overworked by the mere responsibility of handling the children alone as this may send the wrong vibes to the children. The counselors should also encourage the parents to keep the family traditions even after the divorce (Fagan and Rector2005).

The counselors should encourage both parents to keep communication open between their former spouses families. This means that the child will continue to enjoy family relationships with her/his grandparents, uncles, cousins and aunties. Psychology experts claim that keeping the relationship with the extended family assures the child that although the parents are not together anymore, the family ties remain intact. Apart from the support and security that the extended family gives to the children, parents also benefit from the understanding, help and extra support that come from the extended family (Fagan and Rector2005).

The counselor should also encourage both parents to be apart of these sessions. This is especially important in the first year of divorce as it helps the child realize that though separated, both parents are still willing to celebrate even the smallest achievements that the child makes. This is not going to be easy for parents whose desire is to keep afar from each other as humanly possible. However, the counselor should encourage the parents to keep their personal differences aside for the sake of their childs happiness.

The counselor needs to stress the need and importance of each parent to take control of their lives. In her book titled What about the Kids? Judith Wallerstein (2003) notes that unless the parents realize that they will have to lead a different life from the married one, and then none of the divorced parents will be of much help to the children.

In addition, Judith notes that the parents should know that divorces not only mean an end to a marriage, but it means the family unit will have to change. In some cases, it also means different neighborhoods, unpredictable transitions and a change in the child-parent relationship. It is therefore the counselors prerogative to make the parent understand that he/she cannot become an effective parent unless the effects of the divorce have been effectively handled. The counselor should also let the parents know that reaction from the children are inevitable and may vary depending on each childs age.

The counselor needs to get the parent to understand that shared parenting ends with divorce. This means that the entire responsibility of raising the child, which includes the childs well-being, her /his health, entertainment, discipline and learning is the responsibility of each parent whenever the children are with either of them. This also means that joint decisions affecting the children will not be easy to make any more. The custodial parent will have to find ways of dealing with each situation that affects the children (Fagan and Rector2005). As such, the counselor needs to let the parents know that divorce means that each of them will need to be stronger that any other time during the dissolved marriage as the well being of the children rests on some of the decisions that the custodial parent makes.

The counselor also needs to let the custodial parent know that single parenting is not going to be easy especially when the children keep voicing their desire to have their mother/father back. As such, the counselor has to explain ways through which the parent can handle the children depending with individual situations. Some children may become rebellious, while others may take up obsessive behaviors. If the custodial parent is not sure how to handle such, expert advice is always encouraged. The same applies for teenage children who may end taking up drug abuse, promiscuity and other undesirable behavior (Wallerstein, J and Blakeslee, S. 2003).

The custodial parent also needs to know how to handle questions that arise from some of the changes that come with the divorce. Some children may need to know why they cannot have same luxuries they accustomed to when the family was intact, they will also need to know why they cannot continue attending the same school, if the custodial parents hires extra help, they will need to know why none of their parents can attend to them as had been the case before the divorce. The custodial parents, despite his/her own feelings will need to answer each question without hurting the childs feelings.

Conclusion

It is apparent that most children suffer psychologically when the parents divorce. Despite this, most parents absorbed by the intensity of the divorce proceedings tend to forget that the children too needs to be involved in some of the decisions that follow the divorce. This only adds to the personal hurt that the older children feel. While Children below three years may not comprehend much about the divorce, those aged between five to eleven years may know that one of the parent has left them. Such take up fantasies to shield them from the reality. However, with good parental guidance from the custodial parent, such children may come to terms with the reality of the divorce. If that is not the case, the custodial parent can employ the services of a professional counselor to help the children.

Teenage children may not talk much about their feelings and may even take sides with one of the parent, but this does not mean that they too do not need help. It may take much longer for them to reveal their real feelings towards the divorce, and unlike their younger counterparts, it may take them more time to recover from the divorcé. Overall, it is evident that divorcing parents need to work out the details of how they will effectively handle the children in order to cushion them against the negative effects and emotions that arise from it. If statistics that indicate that 50 percent of children born today will see their parents divorce before their eighteenth birthday are right, then even the government needs to pass legislation that caters for the welfare of children from divorced homes.

References

Combrinck-Graham, Lee. (2006). Children in family Contexts: perspectives on Treatment. Ed. New York: Guilford Press

Eleoff, Sara.(2008). An exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents. The Child Advocate. Web.

Fagan, P and Rector, R. (2005). The effects of Divorce on America. The World and I Online. Web.

Goldberg, Susan, Muir, R. and Kerr, J. (2000). Attachment Theory: Social, development and Clinical Perspectives. Ed. New York: Routledge.

Gunsberg, Linda and Hymowitz, Paul. (2005).A Handbook of Divorce and Custody: Forensic, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives. New York: Routledge Publishers.

Gurman, Alan. (2008). The clinical Handbook Of Couple Therapy. Ed. New York: Guilford Press.

Hetherington, Eileen Et al. (1988). Impact of Divorce, Single Parenting, and Step parenting on Children: a Case Study of Visual Agnosia. Ed. New York: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Long, Nicholas and Forehand, Rex. (2002). Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective ways to Help Children Adjust Mc Graw-Hill Professional

Moskovitch, Deborah. (2007). The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, counselors and other Experts. Chicago: Chicago Review Press.

Temke, Mary. (2006). The effects of Divorce on Children. Human Development Fact sheet. Web.

Tralle, Minell. (2005). Effects of Divorce on Children. University of Minnesota: for divorcing Parents. Web.

Westman, Jack. (2001). Parenthood in America: Undervalued, Underpaid, Under Siege. Wisconsin: University of Wisconsin Press.

Wallerstein, Judith and Blakeslee, Sandra (2003).What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before , During and After Divorce. New York: Hyperion.

Divorce is a reality that affects millions of individuals and families worldwide. In certain situations, it can be a necessary step to escape from an unhealthy or abusive relationship, but some believe that divorce is too easy to obtain and contributes to the breakdown of traditional family structures. This paper will examine the drawbacks of divorce and explore the consequences of divorce for men, women, children, and society.

First, it should be noted that complicating the divorce process can bring unpleasant consequences. Complicating the divorce process can also affect society as a whole. For example, former spouses can be forced to live in an endless unresolved situation, which reduces their productivity (Wardle et al. 293). In addition, this can also lead to the fact that men and women will have to face additional legal and economic problems. Furthermore, this can make it difficult for those needing divorce to access it, such as victims of physical or psychological abuse.

Research has shown that the gendered ramifications of separation and dissolution are not uniform. Disproportionately, women bear the brunt of the consequences, including financial, emotional, and social detriments (Wardle et al. 293). The ramifications of this gender divide are demonstrated by womens higher incidence of depression, anxiety, and fiscal strain, alongside decreased living standards. While the cessation of a toxic environment is sometimes essential, the collateral damage to children can result in significant emotional trauma and long-term adverse effects.

Children of divorced families are more prone to depression, anxiety, and behavioral disturbances. Additionally, they may struggle with forming stable relationships and have an elevated likelihood of experiencing divorce themselves in the future. Therefore, the legislation should remain flexible enough to allow people to receive a divorce in the shortest possible period (Wardle et al. 293). This will help them avoid long and unpleasant processes and continue their lives without constant encounters with their former spouse.

In conclusion, divorce is a complex issue affecting individuals and families differently. While it may be necessary for some couples to escape from an unhappy or abusive relationship, divorce can have significant negative consequences for men, women, and children. However, making divorce more difficult to obtain is not the answer. Instead, society should focus on providing more support for families in crisis and on education and prevention programs to promote healthy relationships and conflict resolution.

Work Cited

Wardle, Lynn D., et al. Family and Succession Law in the USA. Kluwer Law International, 2022.

People are frequently told to make plans as though their marriage will not last. For instance, many significant types of human capitalknowledge and skillsspecific to relationships are beneficial if an individual stays with ones current spouse but would not transfer to the next spouse. According to Mills, acting in a way that suggests a relationship will not endure prevents the development of such relationship-specific human capital (Pötzsch, 2021). This can increase the likelihood that the relationship will end, at least in part. Additionally, according to Mill, discussing divorce can be unpleasant because doing so can come out as disparaging ones divorced acquaintances. However, just like filing for bankruptcy, getting a divorce is a failure. After a business loss, people frequently get back up and succeed, but this does not make a business failure a good thing in and of itself (Pötzsch, 2021). Like how people frequently bounce back from divorce and build fulfilling lives for themselves after that (sometimes with a second marriage, sometimes without), a divorce itself was not a positive thing until something worse than a divorce occurred or was made public before the divorce.

The United States has a divorce rate of 49.5%, closely followed by the United Kingdom at 30.8% (Bae et al., 2022). The ease of ending a marriage for any reason is quickly becoming a cultural phenomenon. People who adhere to Western ideologies and interpersonal practices tend to have a more legalistic perspective. It may be assumed that not much more needs to be said about John Stuart Mills feminism, given how much has already been saying about it. To assert that Mills feminism was entirely unaffected by feminist literature, discussion, and experience over the past 150 years would be both historically improbable and philosophically incorrect.

However, Mill is likely not accountable for all the errors, misconceptions, contradictions, conservatisms, or misogyny that have been levelled against him. He was devoted to making women full citizens in a future society that is considerably equal, diversified, free, and peaceful. However, like everything else, Mills feminism is complex and complicated. Marriage is a social institution and it defines parenthood. Families are often affected by divorce both ideologically and financially. It is fundamental for couples thinking about marriage to undergo severe psychological counselling to ensure they develop delinquent behavior. Pre-marital counselling can reduce the rate of divorce globally.

Reference

Bae, S., Graham, J. E., Nam, S., & Hong, I. (2022). Association between divorce and access to healthcare services among married immigrants: Propensity score approaches. Archives of Public Health, 80(1). Web.

Pötzsch, J. (2021). The early J.S. Mill on marriage and divorce. Symposion, 8(2), 175185. Web.

Abstract

The current paper dwells on the problems that may arise throughout the process of divorce. The researcher also discusses the consequences of divorce and compares the outcomes for boys and girls. The notion of divorce is aligned against certain contextual factors and delinquent behaviour. The researcher also conducted a survey in order to investigate the influence of divorce and answer a number of critical questions related to child resilience and post-divorce transition. After reviewing the results of the study, the researcher came up with several recommendations regarding before- and post-divorce activities. At the end of the paper, the researcher reached verdicts concerning the hypotheses of the study and summarised the findings of the survey.

Introduction

The question of the importance of divorce is pivotal for both parents and their children. Regardless, Fine and Harvey (2013) believe that it is a rather common situation when researchers misinterpret their findings regarding the influence of divorce on children. This may end up in improper guidance coming from the experts and consequent conflicts within the family. It is critical to emphasise that parents should promote the well-being of their children no matter what (Fine & Harvey, 2013).

Unfortunately, divorce critically impacts parental outlooks on childrens well-being, and certain changes may transpire in childrens lives because of that (Amato, 2010). The good thing is the majority of parents that are either breaking up or splitting make sure that their decision does not affect their children in a big way. By approaching this issue resiliently, parents exercise flexibility in their children (Amato, 2010).

It is rather important to take into consideration that flexibility of the parents, on the other hand, plays an important role in the process of guiding their children through the complexities of divorce (Gottman, 2014). The fact is, children should be trained both on emotional and practical levels in order to cope with the adverse influence of a fragmented family.

The current study is going to dwell on the key issues that are inherent in divorce and how the latter affects children. The researcher reviews this issue from a number of perspectives so as to gain as much knowledge as possible and make reasonable conclusions at the end of the paper. This topic is pivotal for the reason that the occurrence of divorces grows uncontrollably and it is vital to find ways to minimise the impact of this adverse event on childrens mental state and attitude towards intimate relationships and wedding.

This topic was chosen because the researcher is keen on identifying the weakest spots in parent-child relationships and finding ways to improve the situation. The importance of this study can also be explained by the systematisation of the existing knowledge with the intention of processing the obtained data and comparing it to the results of the survey that is conducted within the framework of the current research. In terms of the impact of divorce on children, the researcher aims to study their relationships with parents, school performance, self-image, and other concomitant factors.

Hypotheses of the Study

• The adverse outcomes of divorce influence both boys and girls.
• The occurrence of delinquency is directly dependent on divorce and parental genes.
• There are certain factors that can mediate the negative impact of divorce.
• Divorce is the most powerful negative influence among other contextual factors.

Literature Review

In their research, Whitton, Rhoades, Stanley, and Markman (2008) evaluated the effects of intergenerational dependency on divorce. They found that the children of nondivorced parents had more positive outlooks toward marriage and intimate relationships than the children of divorced parents. Whitton et al. (2008) showed that the children of divorced parents were not so optimistic and did not believe that a healthy and lifelong marriage.

The researchers also supposed that the adults that were the children of divorced parents tend to have less commitment to their intimate relationships and marriages. These adults also were found to be unsure of their ability to maintain a marriage at all. Nonetheless, Whitton et al. (2008) claimed that the supposition mentioned above cannot be tested. Instead, they have focused on the evaluation of relationship confidence and commitment.

They took a sample of individuals whose parents divorced during their younger years and asked them to dwell on the premises and outcomes of interparental conflicts that took place in their families. Whitton et al. (2008) showed that parental divorce had more impact on womens attitude toward commitment and marriage. The latter had a lower level of relationship confidence, and the adverse impact of all the factors mentioned above was supported by the adjustments that can be made in premarital relationships.

The ultimate findings of the study showed that the risk of divorce is rather high among the sample of females whose parents divorced prior to their own marriage. It was stated that women had a lower commitment to their intimate relationships, and the major part of the sample did not believe that the future of their marriages is going to be optimistic.

In their research, Mustonen, Huurre, Kiviruusu, Haukkala, and Aro (2011) investigated the connotations between the quality of intimate relationships in adulthood and preceding parental divorce. They also reviewed the concomitant psychosocial resources and connected them to the study. The resources mentioned above included child-parent relationships during teenage years and self-image during middle age.

The results of Mustonen et al.s (2011) study showed that both male and female interviewees from divorced families were more exposed to the risk of being divorced or separated during their middle age years than their counterparts from nondivorced families. The findings of the study also showed that the quality of intimate relationships was lower only among female interviewees. The researchers identified that women from divorced families had a worse self-image and were not satisfied with their social support. One of the premises was their poor relationships with the parents during their teenage years.

On the other hand, men were found not to be affected by any of the factors listed above. It is also interesting that Mustonen et al. (2011) found that mother-daughter relationships successfully served as a mediating factor and helped to mitigate the adverse influence of parental divorce. The researchers also expanded on that topic and concluded that daughter-mother relationships are inextricably linked to the concepts of self-image and overall contentment in terms of social support.

To sum it up, Mustonen et al. (2011) identified that parental divorce bears a negative connotation for the majority of daughters and not sons. Therefore, it is vital to preserve positive mother-daughter relationships after the divorce so as to maintain an acceptable level of relationship quality and successfully develop the necessary psychosocial resources.

Another important point of reference was investigated by Burt, Barnes, McGue, and Iacono (2008) as they were interested in evaluating the relationship between teen delinquency and parental divorce. They claimed that irrespective of all the previous suppositions regarding the environmental nature of delinquent behaviour, the core issue may also lie in genetic mediation. The researchers claimed that one of the probable reasons of delinquent behaviours in teens might be the identical pathology inherent in the genes of their parents. Nonetheless, Burt et al. (2008) mentioned that this is only relevant for the children of divorced parents (even though this kind of pathology is transmissible at all times and the fact of divorce merely increases the risk of distressing this pathology).

So as to investigate the issue, the researchers took a sample consisting of both biological and adoptive families and took into consideration the timing of divorce. One of Burt et al.s (2008) pivotal suppositions consisted in the fact that the association between delinquent behaviour and interparental relationships was positive even in the cases when the divorce took place before the childs birth. Moreover, the researchers found that it was safe to say that the environmental nature of delinquent behaviour was shadowed by the childrens exposure to the outcomes of divorce (even adoption did not have to do anything with it). Burt et al. (2008) concluded that the above statement was correct and were able to reach a verdict that teen delinquency is majorly dependent on the effects of divorce and not the common genes of divorced parents.

Markman, Rhoades, Stanley, Ragan, and Whitton (2010) investigated the communication problems that may lead to distress and consequent divorce. In order to do that, they surveyed a sample of couples that were married for not more than five years at the time of the survey. The researchers wanted to assess the quality of premarital communication and associate it with either positive or negative marriage outcomes.

Markman et al. (2010) found that the self-reported negative communication was one of the key premises to divorce, while observed communication was not so significant. The researchers were also able to identify that both negative (self-reported and observed) types of communication ultimately led to a decreased occurrence of marital adjustment. At the same time, observed positive communication was not found to affect relationships in any way. Markman et al.s (2010) study was keen on answering the question of whether positive or negative communication affected the quality of marriage during the first five years after nuptials.

If there were any changes, the researchers wanted to process them and find the associations that could explain the probable impact of communication on intimate interpersonal relationships (for instance, a couple being nondistressed or distressed after the first five years of marriage). Markman et al. (2010) were able to extend the knowledge on the subject and perform an in-depth analysis of the transformations in communication that could lead to changes in marriage or distress the latter.

The researchers identified that nondistressed couples had more chances to adjust their relationships and communicate effectively than their distressed counterparts. The decline in the distressed sample was trivial and did not show any constructive association in terms of positive communication. The results of the study allowed Markman et al. (2010) to conclude that negative emotions were handled better by the nondistressed couples.

In her research, Lansford (2009) addressed the issues of child adjustment and parental divorce. She conducted an extensive literature review so as to assess the relationship between the two issues mentioned above and collect the evidence regarding the impact of divorce on children. Some of the aspects that she took into consideration included externalising behaviours, academic accomplishments, and social interaction.

Lansford (2009) found that internalising and externalising behaviours are more common for the children whose parents have divorced. She also highlighted their low school performance and problematic social relationships with the peers. Irrespective of the adverse outcomes of parental divorce, the impact of the latter on the children is not of a long-term nature. The author of the study pointed out that not all experiences inherent in both children of divorced and nondivorced parents have adverse connotation.

The trajectories of child adjustment that were discussed within the framework of Lansfords (2009) research were found to be rather common among children in general. Moreover, the researcher was able to identify that the impact that was thought of as the influence of divorce was really an amalgamation of certain contextual factors. According to Lansford (2009), these factors could transpire both before and after the divorce.

Methodology

• Do you believe that divorce impacts both boys and girls in the same way?
• Is there a possibility for children to adjust when parents are breaking up?
• Are the children of nondivorced parents more successful in life?
• Do you think that the children of divorced parents are insecure and have low self-esteem?
• Is there any connection between parent-child relationships and divorce?
• Can the negative consequences of divorce be mitigated?
• Does divorce only impact children in a bad way?
• Do you believe that divorce triggers behavioural and psychological problems in the children of divorced parents?
• Can the splitting parents do anything to increase the resilience of their child(ren)?
• Do you think that there is a way to manage the stress of divorce (both parents and children included)?

Discussion

The survey was based on a questionnaire to assess the childrens feelings and behaviour during the divorce period. It contained ten entries which were close-ended questions. Only some included personal answers. The sample consisted of 43 children, 21 boys and 22 girls, thus gender distribution was equal. The research was focused on teenagers who experienced parents divorce earlier in their lives since adolescents already can evaluate their emotions and personal changes. The participants were from 12 to 16 years old with average age of 13.5.

Most of them were from 8 to 10 at the time of the divorce (42%), thus they remember their feelings well. 25% were 6-7 years old, 16% were 11-12, and 17% were 5 and younger. The majority reported living with mothers after the divorce (85% compared to 8% living with fathers and 7% who had to stay with grandparents).

The feelings that children remember are better seen on the diagram.

Thus, sadness, loneliness and frustration were observed by the majority of respondents. The feeling of guilt was reported by 25 of 43 participants. Those children who admitted feeling indifferent or happy also reported frequent cases of domestic violence.

A positive tendency is observed in communication with both parents after divorce.

Most of participants reported that their lifestyle changed greatly after the divorce (63%). At the same time, 72% remember the negative changes in their behaviour and 51% conclude that their character was influenced by parents divorced. As for gender distribution, 15 girls mentioned they became more vulnerable and sensitive and 4 reported becoming stronger. As for boys, most of them (18) said they became stronger, 13 also became more reserved, and only two mentioned the increased sensitivity and vulnerability.

The support appeared important for children. 18% remember support from parents, 43% said they were encouraged by grandparents, and 20% found support in friends. Their major worries were if parents still love them (87%), and if they see parents again (46%).

Questionnaire

• Age:
• Sex:

  • Male
  • Female
• How old were you when your parents divorced? _________
• Whom do you live with after the divorce?

  • Mother
  • Father
  • Other (please specify) _______________________
• How did you feel at that time? You can choose more than one answer.

  • Sad.
  • Frustrated.
  • Happy.
  • Guilty.
  • Angry.
  • Lonely.
  • Indifferent.
  • your answer _______________.
• Was there anyone to support you during that period?

  • Yes.
  • No.
  • If yes, please specify _______________________
• Did your lifestyle change after parents divorce?

  • Yes, absolutely.
  • Yes, slightly.
  • No, nothing changed.
• Do you communicate with both of your parents after the divorce?

  • Yes, regularly.
  • Yes, but not often.
  • Yes, but the parent I live with does not know about it.
  • No, my father/mother does not allow me to communicate.
  • No, I do not want to do it.
  • No, he/she does not want to communicate.
• Were there the cases of violence in the family?

  • Yes, often.
  • Yes, sometimes.
  • No, never.
• Did your behaviour change during the divorce period?

  • Yes, negatively.
  • Yes, positively.
  • No, it did not change.
• Please remember your major worries during that period.

  • Did the parents stop loving me?
  • Where will I live?
  • Will I see father/mother again?
  • How will we make our living?
• Do you think that parents divorce changed your character?

  • No, I do not think so.
  • Yes, I became more vulnerable and sensitive.
  • Yes, I became stronger.
  • Yes, I became more reserved.

Recommendations

The first recommendation revolves around the notion of resilience. Divorced parents should be able to build effective (and positive) relationships with their children and each other so as to train resilience and protect their kids from the negative influence of divorce. Even though managing a childs grief is almost impossible, parents have to show signs of resilience themselves in order to preserve positive relationships. The researcher is sure, though, that it will be hard to evade certain emotional and behavioural problems because they are not contingent on resilience, especially among teenagers.

The second recommendation is to keep positive relationships with both parents. On the other hand, the parents themselves have to find ways to discuss divorce peacefully and not argue in front of their children because it is the most common cause of post-divorce child misbehaviour and delinquent conduct when they grow older in the future. Moreover, the effects of divorce can be mitigated if the children rest reassured that their parents divorce is not their fault.

The problem is that the majority of children believe that divorce happens because of them and may become overwhelmed with stress and anxiety issues. Therefore, joint custody may become one of the most effective solutions.

Expanding on the topic of joint custody, it can be the only option for the parents who want to save their positive relationships with their children. The manifestation of love and other positive feelings will help children to adjust faster and preserve their self-image. Moreover, the child will be exposed to consistency and expectations will meet reality. Joint custody is beneficial in terms of eliciting certain problem-solving skills in children.

What is even more important, children will learn to resolve the transpiring issues in a peaceful way because they had a healthy example right in front of them. Accordingly, parents will be able to help their children to go through the process of transition. Within the framework of divorce, an accurate transition guidance is pivotal because the childs unstable psyche may cause emotional or behavioural distresses and initiate irreversible processes in the childs mind and body.

Conclusion

To put it mildly, children will always be exposed to the stressful nature of divorce. The majority of children do not believe that their parents can split up and completely break up with each other. Nonetheless, sometimes divorce can be considered by parents as one of the possible solutions, especially if they are involved in certain conflicts that do not have to affect their children. Moreover, the researcher identified that parent-child relationships would be stressful.

On a bigger scale, one of the parents may be ignored by the child, and rather serious conflicts may arise. Sometimes, divorce may even cause economic problems for both parents in the present and their children in the future. Therefore, the findings of the study suggest that the majority of children are hardly coping with the outcomes of divorce. The process of transition cannot be easily mitigated because of the distressed mental state of the parents and other contextual factors.

It was also found that the parents who were good at managing their childrens stress helped the latter a lot to adjust to the situation. Another important discovery consists in the fact that numerous psychological and behavioural problems may arise. This happens because of the increased risk of occurrence of these issues among the children of divorced parents. Children will most probably become disobedient. Therefore, it is safe to say that delinquency is somewhat connected to divorce as well.

According to the results of the research, school performance also goes down. Children of divorced parents may become insecure or start suffering from depression. Another possible outcome (it is not specified if this is a positive or negative outcome) is that these children may also become excessively authoritative and start caring for their parents more than the latter care for them.

Another important finding is that the majority of children of divorced parents develop not only behavioural but emotional problems as well. Nonetheless, the researcher stresses the importance of resilience which is present in the majority of these children.

The key upside to resilience is that children that possess this quality are able to function exactly as if their parents were not divorced. Yet, the problem consists in the fact that even resilient children suffer from painful recalls and constant fears regarding their parents divorce, parent-child relationships, and parent-parent relationships. One of the most important findings is that discomfort caused by divorce is not a pathology. The majority of the children who went through their parents breakup were still able to become normally functioning members of the society owing to their resilience.

References

Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650-666. Web.

Burt, S., Barnes, A. R., McGue, M., & Iacono, W. G. (2008). Parental divorce and adolescent delinquency: Ruling out the impact of common genes. Developmental Psychology, 44(6), 1668-1677. Web.

Fine, M. A., & Harvey, J. H. (2013). Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.

Gottman, J. M. (2014). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Lansford, J. E. (2009). Parental divorce and childrens adjustment. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(2), 140-152. Web.

Markman, H. J., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Ragan, E. P., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce: The first five years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(3), 289-298. Web.

Mustonen, U., Huurre, T., Kiviruusu, O., Haukkala, A., & Aro, H. (2011). Long-term impact of parental divorce on intimate relationship quality in adulthood and the mediating role of psychosocial resources. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(4), 615-619. Web.

Whitton, S. W., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2008). Effects of parental divorce on marital commitment and confidence. Journal of Family Psychology, 22(5), 789-793. Web.

Literature Review

When marriages come to their unforeseen end, there are long protracted court battles over property ownership and children custody. The once married couple torn apart by differences in their marriage will be driven further apart by the court battles (Brinig & Allen, 2000). Many states have come up with several laws governing division of property between the couples where properties, especially those acquired during the marriage period, are divided equally. Properties that were earned as gifts or inheritance may be divided at the couples discretion. However, when compared to their male divorcees, female divorcees remain relatively poor even though they divide the properties equally. This paper aims at looking into the possible connection between divorce and poverty among women given that many women are employed and are financially independent (Ducanto, 2010).

While most of the divorce cases have been presented before the judges with reasons, divorces without fault are as a result of mutual agreement hence have no legal basis (Confessore, 2010). However, the women usually end up poorer than the men. This points to the fact that such divorce cases are a major contributor to poverty among women in the society today. While many couples sign prenuptial agreements, they are usually made in a hurry and out of emotional excitement. Thus, most of these agreements are usually informal agreements decided by the partners and formalized by the judge in the presence of their lawyers. Most prenuptial agreements are not comprehensive enough to shield either partners from the pitfalls that usually characterize the process of divorce and property sharing (Davis, 2010). The unlucky group in such agreements after divorce is usually women who end up poor. The resulting scenario is a society filled with divorced but poor women and divorced rich men.

The alimony law which requires equally sharing of property owned by either partner at the time of divorce usually lead to poverty among employed and financially stable women. This law only works for those women married to rich husbands while oppressing women married to the low income earners. They usually end up poor as they will end with little or no property after divorce. Men usually enjoy pension rights unlike women who will only have the property given to them by the law. Moreover, these women who are unemployed also pay tax on the property. When mothers win the custody of the children they will incur losses in terms of legal fees (Vedantam, 2011) as the father will only pay children support money and not for their mothers upkeep (Child Support Issues, 2012). The result is a poor divorced mother who is imprisoned by the burden of taking of her children.

All in all, this article is biased even by the admittance of its author especially on the case of signing of prenuptials. The author only concentrates on the failed cases to justify his case. This article should consider drawing comparisons between the failed cases of prenuptials. Moreover, it should incorporate more real life cases and present such examples as justification of its case. The question of poverty among women should be addressed wholly and not only from the divorce angle. In conclusion, poverty among divorced women is a reality in the society that needs to be tackled.

References

Brinig, M., & Allen, D. (2000). These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women. American Law and Economics Review, 2(1), 126129.

Child Support Issues. (2012). DivorceLawInfo.com.

Confessore, N. (2010). N.Y. Moves Closer to No-Fault Divorce. The New York Times.

Davis, M. (2010). The Changing Nature of Marriage and Divorce. The National Bureau of Economic Research. 

Ducanto, J. (2010). Divorce and Poverty Are Often Synonymous. American Journal of Family Law, 78, 87  94.

Vedantam, S. (2011). Marriage Economy: I Couldnt Afford to Get Divorced. NPR.

Introduction

In his article, Donahey (2018) talks about divorce as a family issue and its impact on children. The author informs that when parents separate in marriage, the issue is not only an adults problem but also affects children significantly. Most marriage dissolution outcomes can harm the success of children in future relationships, hence the need to mitigate the problem through parental approaches. According to the author, one intervention that can be applied to address the effects of divorce on children is conscientious parenting, whereby adults continue to work together despite their differences and altered family dynamics. Such intervention can positively impact the future romantic relationship of children, especially with daughters. However, barriers that can impact co-parenting strategy are the number of arguments or conflicts between parents, making it hard to agree on what is best for the family. The purpose of this paper is to provide a summary of a research article about the topic of divorce and its impact on children.

Why the Article was Selected

First, the article by Donahey (2018) is relevant and credible because it is written and published by a recognized academic institution. Moreover, the information conveyed by this resource is reliable as it is covered in-depth, addressing divorce, a significant family issue that was discussed in class (Bélanger & Ward, 2018). The structure of the article and content is clear, as the author provides information supported by literature work. Donahey (2018) addresses a problem and provides a potential solution that could be applied to promote the wellness of families undergoing a divorce.

The major thing learned from the article was the effects of marriage dissolution on children. Divorce is fairly common and accepted in societies such as Canada. In the past years, the issue was uncommon and affected a small portion of married persons. With time, marriage breakups started to increase, doubling in numbers. On the contrary, factors such as the age at which individuals get married or level of education contribute to a shift in the divorce rate.

Nevertheless, divorce does not occur equally among the population in states, while some segments are more likely to separate than others again due to social and economic factors. However, the effects resulting from marriage disintegration are enormous for couples and children. Donahey (2018) points out effects such as a negative message about the experience of marriage and mental health challenges. The author teaches that, although the effects of divorce could be detrimental to children, separated parents are unaware of the benefits of interventions to support their young ones.

Thus, the article provides an insight that parent knowledge is crucial to facilitating the welfare of childrens physical and mental health. Perhaps if married people recognize the potential damage from divorce, they would work on protecting children from harm. Educational measures such as family therapies or programs can help reduce the likelihood of suffering by recognizing ways to protect loved ones amidst a social conflict (Nielsen, 2017). The article derives an overview of the benefits reaped from counseling programs and the need for parent education in communities.

What was Learned from the Research and Impacts?

Donahey (2018), in his study, taught an effective method of addressing divorce effects on children. According to the author, vast studies explore techniques for helping children deal with the family splint and navigate marriage dissolution (Donahey, 2018). Yet, there is a disconnection between knowledge and application. Disseminating findings of effective ways to manage adverse outcomes of divorce on children can motivate couples to take necessary actions to fight the trend. By reducing the impacts of the marriage breakup, there are high chances of childrens success in the future and counter the issue of divorce. According to Donahey (2018), therapy is a strategy to mitigate the effects of family issues and restructuring, but other less formal approaches such as co-parenting are neglected.

Joint parenting involved sharing familial roles, such as raising children after an event of divorce. The method works through a reciprocal interaction of each parent towards promoting childrens wellbeing. After marriage dissolution, traditional family structures change, and how adults interact is modified (Murphy et al., 2017). To integrate the co-parenting style, the methods of working together as parents and interaction with children must be redefined in the familial construct. Although there are challenges such as communication after divorce, continuing to parent together is crucial since the failure to do subjects children to long-term disadvantages.

Research from the article teaches that co-parenting can be cooperative and involved, moderate and engaged, or infrequent but conflictual. Although there are different ways to co-parent, when adults are involved in raising children, the adverse effects of marriage breakup on children are neutralized. After divorce, a father-daughter relationship is a remarkable experience as it affirms a bond where communication and sharing are facilitated. Daughters feel connected and supported by fathers such that they are likely to perceive the positive relationship with men and seek to be close to them in the future. According to Donahey (2018), the relationship between a girl and her father informs her anticipations of men in the future. Thus, following divorce, the fathers influence on the daughter is substantial, necessitating their role and need to co-parent.

Information from the article has an impact on guiding people regarding the value of relationship bonds and the benefits to childrens future life. Donahey (2018) teaches how and why a divorced parents interaction is critical to their children. For example, to daughters, fathers play a crucial role in shaping daughters beliefs, values, and perceptions about men in the future. A healthy and close relationship between a father and daughter after divorce instills principles about mens role in supporting families. Thus, using this knowledge and insights, the couple in families can be enlightened on the importance of joint parenting for healthy relationships with children and assurance of wellness in the future (Hashemi & Homayuni, 2017). Coparenting is an effective strategy to protect children from the bad image of family and construct their own through mutual collaboration and understanding.

How the Article Impacts Social Issue/ Family Theories

The article would have an impact on social issues such as family separation urging parents to consider the effects of marriage dissolution on family structure and children. Although the author does not tell insight parents deliberately not to divorce, he cautions the divorce practice due to harm it incurs on children and their future lives. The problem intervention discussed intends to rectify childrens effects by shaping their perception of family and marriage to a positive perspective. Donahey (2018) inform how helpful the relationship between a father and daughter would be following divorce. Thus, the article provides a solution to the social issue by suggesting a health-based intervention.

To theories about family, the article impacts practices such as conflicts resolution approach and family therapy or counseling by emphasizing the value of co-parenting as a strategy towards a social problem. Donahey (2018) inform that parents may not realize how their arguments affect conflict approach and behaviors in children by teaching through examples. As such, this article infers that co-parenting is not only an intervention to address the effects of divorce on children but also a strategy to instill quality values regarding conflict management (Bélanger & Ward, 2018). Family models are challenged by information in this article to consider co-parenting as a beneficial technique for addressing problems affecting families. Precisely, therapeutic interventions such as family or group counseling are impacted to emphasize education on the benefits of raising children through collaboration.

Personal Definition of Family

Family means having people or someone who loves unconditionally despite the shortcomings, supporting one another even when it is difficult to do so. The greatest role a person can take regarding the concept of family is being the best to inspire loved ones. Family is a basic system in society that consists of two parents doing their best to raise children with care, and establishing a strong family is a significant approach for any rational society.

After studying the article by Donahey (2018) a new insight is derived about the description of a family. The authors work impacts personal knowledge about family by asserting it is a support system to raise children collaboratively regardless of whether parents are together or separated (Donahey, 2018). In other words, the role of a mother or father should not change even if there is a divorce to protect and maintain childrens well-being. Donaheys (2018) article informs the benefits of sticking together through co-parenting for a long-term impact on childrens lives in their future relationships. The greatest lesson to learn from this resource about family is the value of care.

Conclusion

In conclusion, divorce is a common family issue which impacts can be devastating to peoples lives. While the most evident effects of marriage dissolution are immediate, including financial struggle or mental-related issues such as loneliness and depression, there are long-term consequences to childrens future relationships. Children may develop negative attitudes toward families and neglect the value of marriage relationships based on conflicts witnessed by their parents. The article by Donahey provides an overview of the problem and possible interventions.

References

Bélanger, M., & Ward, M. (2018). The family dynamic: Canadian perspectives. Nelson College Indigenous.

Donahey, K. (2018). Effects of divorce on children: The importance of intervention. The Brigham Young University Undergraduate Journal of Psychology, 13(1), 21-33.

Hashemi, L., & Homayuni, H. (2017). Emotional divorce: Childs well-being. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(8), 631-644. Web.

Murphy, S. E., Gallegos, M. I., Jacobvitz, D. B., & Hazen, N. L. (2017). Coparenting dynamics: Mothers and fathers differential support and involvement. Personal Relationships, 24(4), 917-932. Web.

Nielsen, L. (2017). Re-examining the research on parental conflict, coparenting, and custody arrangements. Psychology, Public Policy, and Law, 23(2), 211. Web.

First of all it is necessary to mention, that the reasons of divorce may be various. Some of them are rather banal, like material troubles or pestering. The others may be shocking and depend only on the fantasy of the spouses. Nevertheless, the mpst common reasons are regarded to be the following:

• Lack of communication between spouses
• Abandonment
• Alcohol Addiction
• Abuse
• Inability to manage or resolve conflict
• Personality Differences
• Interference from parents or in-laws
• Lack of maturity
• Criminal behavior and incarceration for crime

Lack of communication may be caused by the financial troubles, or have any of the named above reasons as the origin. It means, that there are some troubles in the family (financial, psychological, conditional etc). Unfortunately, any reason may cause the stagnation in the relations, and, consequently the lack of communication.

Abandonment generally has the falling out of love, or sexual incompatibility as the origin. One of the spouses finds the lover, and starts devoting too much time to him/her. When the other spouse finds out about this affair, the marriage will ruin.

Alcohol (or drug) addiction is the reason of more than 40% of the divorces all over the world. The fact is that, it depends only on the patience of the spouse, as even love and strong determination to help the addicted husband/wife may end up at any time.

Abuse is the reason, that often ruins not only marriages but also the lives. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional etc. Anyway, the marriage where the abuse takes place does not have the future, as the basis of any marriage is the trust and respect of the spouse.

Inability to manage the conflict leads to the further escalation of the dissatisfaction and aggravation of the conflict. When personal diplomatic abilities fail to solve the conflict  there is often no chance to save the marriage.

The personal differences are generally caused by different life experiences. If the spouses are too different in their life views, ways of life, religious beliefs or the life priorities, it is claimed, that they will not be able to live together, until they try themselves in the shoes of the other.

Often, parents of one of the spouses aim to influence the life of the couple, and it irritates one of the family. Only the person, whose parents interfere the family life of the couple, may solve this conflict. If this person fails to solve the conflict, and parents still interfere the family life, another spouse prefers to abandon the family, in order not to be subjected to this influence.

Lack of maturity often ruins the young couples, who appeared to be ambitious enough to get married at an early age. The fact is that, the lack of maturity may be observed among older people, as some just do not wish to part with childhood, while there is strong necessity to earn the family living, collect money for the improvement of everyday life etc.

The last, but not the least reason is the criminal behavior of one of the spouses. As the lives of the spouses are interconnected, the activity of one will inevitably influence the life of the other. Undoubtedly, the effect of criminal behavior is rather serious, and can not be avoided.

Introduction

The Gulf societies have been undergoing radical changes since the end of the 1970s. The Arab Gulf family is passing through a fast transition that affects its functions, roles, authority, and structure. One must start with a preliminary hypothesis that reviews the Arab Gulf family as a basic unit that extends its cultural components from Arab Islamic sources, and as an economic unit that performs several economic roles to the benefit of its members and of society; and as a social unit where social interactions between family members occur within the context of social relations set by values and norms of their culture. (El-Haddad, 2003)

The above statement is perhaps the strongest pointer so far of the problem that exists in families in the UAE and other Arab countries. The family remains the most basic and most important institution in societies. In the United Arab Emirates, there has been a conflict in families and the whole society in general between tradition and modernity. As many families in these Arabic countries try to uphold Muslim values and traditions, a globalization-a direct result of interacting with the rest of the world through communication and physical contact has caught up with them with lifestyles that do not agree with traditional values. Issues like womens rights are arising in these societies. With the lack of appropriate modifications in the way of life by the whole society in these countries, many problems within the family are arising. This includes an increase in the rate of divorce cases. In this paper, I will look at the problems faced by families living in the UAE including divorce. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

The nature of the family setting in the UAE

To understand the problems of UAE families well, we need to look at how modernity affects families in these places. Let us first look at the Impact of urbanization. There is no doubt that rural to urban migration has radically changed the family setting in the UAE. This migration mainly occurred as a direct result of the discovery of oil in these countries. This migration rate has been very high to the extent that currently as much as an average of about 75 percent of the population in the UAE lives in urban areas. This brought about the interaction of the population with the capitalistic western society. This migration exposed the societies to technological, financial, and social influence hence transforming these societies in the process. The idea of interacting and forming part of a community something that existed in rural areas became difficult to reciprocate in urban areas. People became increasingly separated from their community as they adopted the urban lifestyle to live isolated lives. Houses in urban areas did not form part of the community in contrast to dwelling areas in rural settings. A problem that has been increasingly faced by the family is that of adapting to the new lifestyle in urban settings. For example, let us consider how family interactions are affected by rural to urban migration. At first, a new family that has migrated into an urban dwelling would try to maintain social relations at home as well as maintain good interactions with their neighbors. The reality that this is not possible however sets in and the family is gradually adopted into the urban lifestyle. This process is not made easier at all considering that there are no structures at all to help in the integration of families into the urban lifestyle. This could be through instruments like education and the mass media. (El-Haddad, 2003)

What has changed over the years

There have also been changes in the functions of the family in the UAE. In place of services that were provided traditionally, states are now providing public services. The family has therefore been relieved from some of the functions that it provided earlier. Many families have accepted at least basic education for their children something that has increasingly become a new role of the family. When children are taken to school, the school environment influences them. This influence can be dangerous especially at the adolescent stage. For the girl child, their lives have significantly changed regarding education. The girl has presented an opportunity to consider several alternatives that could include pursuing a career instead of marriage alone. New forms of communication like through the internet have enabled children and young people to interact with their peers from all parts of the world. Their outlook on many issues is therefore bound to change as a result of this. This can significantly change how these children interact with their families causing conflicts in the family. For example, parents may have to deal with children who are less conserved unlike children in the traditional society and ones that do not uphold values that are thought to be important to the traditions of the society like modes of dressing. Education has therefore brought about conflicts between children and their families in general. Differences in values held by different generations of people exist and are bound to increase. This creates a complex mode of social interaction and one that can easily degenerate into conflicts. (El-Haddad, 2003)

A relationship among family members is further complicated by the reliance on foreign babysitters by most UAE families. This is of significant influence to UAE families because people at a very young age are involved as they interact with these babysitters. To some level, this kind of phenomenon can be justified on the ground that it gives many women a chance to pursue other activities like education and work. However as always explained, children are most affected when they dont spend adequate time with their parents especially their mothers. This can be observed later in the behavior of the child who may show rebellion later in life to gain attention that was denied to them while young. An interview carried out in Qatar showed that as much as 85 percent of women in this country prefer foreign domestic servants. This is in sharp contrast with the number of working women in this country who are far much less. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

This shows that most women in UAE would like the services of foreign babysitters although a very small number are working hence career and education cannot be said to be the reason behind the hiring of foreign domestic servants. Moreover, there have been issues on how UAE families, in general, treat foreign domestic servants. Many people have complained of violence, sexual harassment among other ills at the hands of these families. This introduces many problems in families as a result including the straining of relationships between family members who may have differing opinions on the welfare of these babysitters. It is important to note that a good majority of these babysitters are people from poor nations who have been forced by circumstances to look for these jobs and ones that do not necessarily share the same beliefs and values as people in the UAE. Besides, children at a young age do not understand relationships well although they can be easily guided by their parents. This is even complicated by the fact that most babysitters and foreign servants have not been trained for their jobs. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

A problem that may lead to the development of a non-desirable character may arise as these children learn to be rude to the babysitters who may react by either remaining quiet about these. This further develops the bad character or may react in other ways that would interfere with the self-esteem of the child. There is even an increasing worry about the impact that foreign servants are having on UAE families. This is basically because of the relationships that these foreign servants establish with the young people in gulf countries. Apart from the values of these young people becoming compromised, it is argued that there is a danger of these young people marrying from other countries leaving women in their countries single. This is a problem of social status rather than necessity. For families in the UAE, the acquisition of material things has become the new symbol of wealth and status. This is exhibited in luxurious buildings, expensive cars, and many servants representing social status. People are thus obtaining servants and goods mainly to show off rather than out of necessity. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

A problem that is increasing in intensity in the United Arab Emirates is that concerning old people. In the traditional community, getting old meant that the social status of someone increased. It also meant an increase in authority where they held important positions in the clan and made important decisions. It meant an increase in wealth and respect, respect that was accorded to the old by young people. This has however changed drastically as the society has become more individualistic as people live isolated lives in the urban areas as compared to the communal society that existed before in the rural setting. Unlike developed countries, these communities have not put mechanisms in place to take care of the elderly, where we have homes for the elderly and retirement plans something that is causing considerable suffering for the elderly. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

Although the elderly still form part of the family in the UAE, the fact that their roles have been reversed, their position changed and the increased gap in their capacity to interact with the community is causing emotional and Physiological suffering to them. They have also lost their status and respect in society and have to endure the more liberal young persons influenced by modernity that no longer accords them respect to the levels that they had experienced in the past. They may also feel the pain to see the values of the society that were greatly cherished in the past erode under the influence of modernity with no power on their hands to make any difference. This among other factors is causing great emotional and physiological pain to the elderly in the UAE societies. Even if they were to integrate into the urban societies, it would prove a difficult feat to achieve for the elderly since values and ways of life in these dwellings are not just contradictory to them, they are also way out of their capacity to comprehend. For example, they may not be able to communicate in languages like English or be able to use communication means like the internet. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

Moreover, the elderly in the UAE society has also had to endure physical pain and suffering. These now have to live with new diseases that were not experienced in the past like senility for example. They are not able to live normal lives since they may not have anyone to take care of them helping them to move around, eat, among other things that are required for them to live normally. There is also no specialized health care for the elderly in UAE something that is in contrast with some countries in the western world where special treatment and care is provided for the elderly. New treatment methods have seen a sharp increase in life expectancy meaning that people are living more years than they lived in the past. This further compounds the problems experienced by the elderly who are significantly increasing in numbers. The effect of an increase in birth rate will also see these societies have more people that are elderly in the future. This will create a need for these societies to embrace methods that would sufficiently take care of elderly needs. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

There have also been changes in the roles of individuals in the family. The role of the mother for example has changed. With education, she has become more liberal with more responsibility in decision-making. For children, they have also become more liberal as they are allowed to make independent decisions. The power of the old generation in guiding society has been weakened in the process. Significant in these changes is that the social status of the woman has greatly risen assigning her new roles in decision making and other things that they were not allowed to do beforehand. This also creates a complex social relationship. Men may be forced to adapt to these changes as they are required to recognize a woman in her new social status. This may not genuinely be possible considering that having been brought up in traditional values, the older beliefs about the woman are still ingrained in the minds of these men creating an internal as well as external conflict that would be evident in the interaction behavior. This kind of internal and external conflict may also be experienced by women as they face a dilemma of accepting their new status in society. It is however important to remember that the picture of a veiled woman with no rights is still much of a reality in these societies where women have been greatly denied their rights as equal partners. The process of liberating the woman in the UAE has still a very long way to go. A problem that is thus created in this kind of scenario is where the society tries to live with traditional values about the woman and the family as well as try to embrace modernization. For example, there is a general tendency nowadays for the woman to choose a spouse outside her tribe. This is however difficult to achieve since several factors do not present such a woman with an opportunity to do so. (Rashad, Osman, & Roudi-Fahimi, 2005)

The rate of divorce is increasing

Concerning marriage, there have been several transformations that have taken place in UAE and other Arabic countries in general. Instead of primarily arranged marriages, many young people are first being acquainted before they seek their parents blessings for marriage. A significant transformation has been in the age at which women are married. While it was between 15-19 years in the past decades, many women are now getting married above the age of 19 years. Other changes have been in the rise of marriages that practice the romantic type of love and marriages across different religious sects. A significant phenomenon that is however occurring at increasing rates is the significant rise in divorce cases. This is happening with an increasing right of the woman in decision making as well as playing a role in meeting financial demands. Initially, it was men who set up all the conditions for a marriage contract. (Rashad, Osman, & Roudi-Fahimi, 2005)

This is however changing with the woman having a say in the marriage contract. As a result, some women ask for a right to pursue a divorce in case their husband goes ahead to marry another wife. Marriage is no longer the certificate of full initiation into society. Other parameters like educational attainment and wealth are more significant in integrating into society. Many people are also delaying marriage because of the burdens that it can impose on an individual. These burdens would prevent a person from attaining education and personal actualization in general. These have led to an increase in divorce cases, which can be explained by a conflict between traditional family values and modern values concerning the institution of marriage. To understand this better, I will first look at the structure of divorce in the UAE. (Rashad, Osman, & Roudi-Fahimi, 2005)

Divorce cases are normally determined by Sharia courts. A requirement for applying for a divorce is that one needs to be in a sound mind and should be able to make decisions independently. The first step in obtaining a divorce is the registration of the case at the Moral and Family guidance section at Sharia courts. Following this step, the family is assigned a counselor who would try to guide the family through three months of trying to reconcile the couples. If this fails to reconcile the couples, they would undergo a proceeding session before a judge who would then determine the outcome of the case. After the court has determined that a divorce should occur, a man can even divorce his wife through a mobile short message service. Other methods of technology like divorce through a telephone conversation or an e-mail can also be employed. Moreover, a man is also allowed to use any of these methods to divorce his wife after which he will be required to present the case before a Sharia court for consideration. He would also be required to acknowledge that he has used any of the mentioned means for the divorce case to be considered. For a Muslim man, he is allowed to divorce his wife by uttering the following words three times, I divorce you. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

Although there is no official data to provide accurate information on the rates of divorce in the UAE, a general observation is that these cases have been rising in the recent past. Several factors have led to an increase in the rate of divorce cases in these countries. One major factor contributing to high divorce cases in the UAE is the limited chance given to couples to know and acquaint with each other before marrying or even after marriage. Most societies in the UAE and the Muslim world, in general, are extremely conservative societies. This limits the chances of people looking for partners on their own. The parents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives, therefore, arrange most marriages. Two people with very different backgrounds are therefore compelled to stay together in marriage, Conflicts are likely to dominate this kind of marriage leading to divorce in the end. It is important to note that divorce among people who get married through traditional means is much lower in Bahrain and Kuwait as compared to other UAE countries. This may be because of transformations brought about by modernization in these places. There has seen a large-scale interaction of people in these two countries with the west. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

Wrong perceptions on marriage that are fuelling these divorces

Another cause of the high divorce cases in the UAE is because there are no longer mechanisms required to monitor people including the institutions of marriage as they existed before. Because of rapid urbanization in the UAE, many people are living isolated lives in urban places with no one to authoritatively monitor their behaviors as society has become more liberal. These get a chance to meet spouses who may be their neighbors or college mates. Such relationships could lead to marriages although the two have not even known each other for a long time. Moreover, young people in urban areas may not have a chance of getting advice from relatives on who they are marrying creating a vulnerable platform for future breakups. Urbanization has also led to the creation of large shopping malls, shopping centers, and other population-concentrated areas. This has given young people a chance to interact in these kinds of environments like in coffee shops for example. It is argued that this kind of setting does not present people with a good opportunity of knowing each other well enough including someones background among other requirements that are necessary for one to understand one well enough for marriage. Youthful hype could be the main driving force for marriage in these kinds of situations. This cannot last into marriage. (El-Haddad, 2003)

Besides, although this has slightly changed, many people are still getting married at a young age. Many people in these countries are wealthy hence financial constraints are not a hindrance to marrying. This creates a problem because such young people may not have the maturity level desired to hold a marriage together and resolve conflicts. This is especially true considering the effects of modernization which have placed enormous responsibilities on both the husband and the wife, responsibilities that require wisdom, experience, and some maturity. These people may have carried out due to pressure from their families and the society rather than from their own decision. These come to learn later that they were not ready for marriage after they have already entered into the marriage contract. This often leads to divorce. (El-Haddad, 2003)

Another factor that is causing problems in marriages and leading to high divorce rates in the UAE is the conflict between traditional values and modern values. While the society in the UAE can not be said to have fully transitioned from traditional to modernity, there exists a great conflict between these two values. For example, a married woman may find herself pursuing an identity that liberates her more and gives her more say in decision-making matters among other things. This may be in contrast to what her husband expects of her to be more reserved and ready to be commanded. This creates conflicts within the family that are bound to ultimately lead to a divorce. More of such conflicts that arise from a difference in traditions and modernity are experienced in other ways. The result is however the same- it leads to conflicts in the marriage with a possibility of separation and divorce. Although many people in the UAE are embracing western culture, this kind of culture is missing critical links that are necessary for it to be fully integrated into these societies. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

The western culture has in itself a problem of divorce, as people feel liberal with the freedom to pursue what they think is best for them. Cultural values that have been aped by people in the UAE like the freedom of doing what they think is good for them without feeling the pressure of the traditional society is causing many people to have divorce more easily. Added to what I can describe as an easy mechanism for divorce that has been created by this society where someone can even divorce his wife by just uttering the words I divorce you three times, and even more explosive situation is created. It is important to understand that this kind of divorce mechanism was created in the traditional setting which no longer exists in this society. Other modern ideals like the initiation into society through the attainment of education among other parameters apart from marriage has also eroded the significance of marriage in society. Marriage can therefore be treated casually unlike in the past. Moreover, a more liberated woman assisting in the provision of financial needs may take roles in the family previously held by the man something that would make the man feel intimidated. This may cause him to retaliate through physical (among other means that he believes would guard his dignity) abuse among other unorthodox methods that would inevitably create dangerous conflicts and violence in the family allowing for easier separation through a divorce. (Al Jandaly, n.d.)

Like many other societies, many young people in the UAE have expectations on marriage that are not realistic and practical. A lot of energy is focused on the wedding instead of focusing on how the two would need to share life when the realities of marriage including its pressures set in. The two are caught unawares and are thus unable to react appropriately since they had not prepared for this. This is also bound to bring conflicts in the family leading to divorce. A big problem in these societies is that many people may still have the traditional expectation of a marriage, which has been overtaken by modern dynamics. Others would have a model of marriage similar to what their parents had. This is also inapplicable in the current circumstances in a dynamic society and a society that is increasingly making steps in the reverse direction as regards society values because of aping modern ways of life. Muslims have values that greatly abhor immorality with very heavy penalties on those caught in such activities. This can create a complicated situation for young people who may rush into marriage for sexual fulfillment alone. This would give them a chance to avoid harsh punishments by the dreaded sharia laws that could otherwise land on them in case they involve in sexual activities outside marriage. This again is not a good enough reason for people to get married since marriage includes many other things that should be considered. (Rashad, Osman, & Roudi-Fahimi, 2005).

Conclusion

The family in the United Arab Emirates has been feeling the changes that have been rapidly incorporated into their societies at such a high rate that there has not been enough time or an opportunity to adjust and adapt to these changes. A conflict of traditional and modern lifestyles has therefore been created causing many sufferings to the family including a significant increase in divorce rates. Although this phenomenon was unheard of, it is now a common thing in these societies and the rate is increasing. Analyzing and understanding the state and cause of issues that are affecting UAE societies is critical in planning for a better society in these areas.

References

Al Jandaly, B. (n.d.). Divorce in the united Arab Emirates. 2010. web.

El-Haddad, Y. (2003).Major trends affecting families in the Gulf countries. Web.

Rashad, H, Osman, M, &roudi-Fahimi, F. (2005).Marriage in the Arab world. Web.