Category: Divorce

Introduction

Family life is full of challenges. On top of all the normal challenges, there are extra challenges for step families. That is one of the reasons that the divorce rate for remarried couples is higher than for first-time marriages. Step families and blended families can be happy and effective, but the extra challenges require extra effort and extra wisdom to make the family strong. This paper aims at discussing the divorce rate in the United States of America, the causes of divorce and the emerging blended families. It also brings out the means in to which the two parents can strengthening their blended family and shun divorce

In most cases if one was to ask a child what is a family, these are some of the answers one would get: Mum, dad and I; mum, dad, our baby and I; mum, dad, our two babies, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles and I. That’s a funny description of a family but believe you me that constitute what a child would think of a good and peaceful family. However, does this really bring out the family as the world attributes it today? The original purpose of God, the creator of man was that a man and a woman would leave their parents and live together.

They would then multiply and fill the other, that is, they would give birth to their children. God’s original purpose was for that family to live together and be happy. Of course, he must have seen some emerging differences on the verge of marriages but he must have a good reason why in the first place he orchestrated the beginning of marriages.

On going back to the same child, a child would think of a family as: they live together, they share, they care for each other, they keep each other safe, they love each other and they work together. Basically, what every other child in the universe would wish for their family to be. The question is “Does it really happen as so, is it fiction or does it possess some truthful nature in it?” That is yet to be realized…

Main Part

In the United States of America, the marriage rate has declined over the years since 1940. Many people have got married as well as they have divorced in some way or another. The reason why most people marry is: Love. However, love is not ultimately the greatest reason why people would marry. This is so because love could be relative as measured by a number of factors. Love may or may not result to marriage, people would marry to obtain a regular sexual partner of every time you feel you need to have someone with you in bed, others may marry to earn legitimate living together, one would also marry to enter a rich and powerful family that would earn you an amount of recognition or even to advance a career. Another strong motivation towards marriage is conformity.

Apart from conformity leading to marriage, one could also marry out of pressure; pressure from external or internal forces. Some external forces are like parents who at one point you’ve really stayed much being single and your years are further gone. Parents also want to have a grandmother or grandfather title thus may result to influencing a person to get married. Other form of pressure could be from friends, either friends of your own age who are already married and they would be telling you that you should also get married. Others would tell you to take a look at your years which could be a sign they are telling you to get married because you’re growing older.

Most Americans believe that marriage that is not nurtured by romance is not marriage at all, however as research proves it Love is good as a start up for marriage, romantic love is quite okay, however to start a relationship a couple must learn to build it beyond romance only.

With the rise of marriages in US and even in other countries so have been upcoming divorce rates amongst married couples. Divorce rate refers to a number of marriage couples that divorce over the years in relation to the population.

In one of the common rumors passed across people it is told that fifty percent of American Marriages a re ending in Divorce. This being a question of fiction or not is yet to be proved but the truth is that there has been a rise of divorce rates in the US. Divorce is too common in America and that should not be taken lightly, but those who are committed to a lifetime of marriage don’t need the discouragement accompanying the notion that half the marriages are going to self-destruct anyway.

An analogy is told of a young bride-to-be with her fiancé who had decided not to say “Till death do us part” in their wedding vows because the odds of it really happening were only 50-50. This could however be a misconception or a fallacy. Women are said to have a higher divorce ratio than men reflecting the greater tendency of men to get remarried after they divorce and the fact that they remarry faster than women.

The high divorce rates in the US can be looked at, both an individual and societal level. There are several factors that contribute to divorce; among them has been failure by the husbands and wives in discharging their responsibilities. None of the partner wants to take responsibility of his/her roles in the home. For example some husbands, as a result of addiction to alcohol, may result to not paying school fees for their children, this may eventually lead to drop out of the children from school.

A certain Professor from the University Sains of Malaysia said that a low grounding in religion, interference by other third parties in the marriage such a s relatives, a difference in cultures and tribes, sexual problems that are not discussed about, financial constraints and a choice of careers are other factors that predominate the rise of divorce rates amongst families.

Addiction of drugs of both or either of the partners could also affect a marriage and children too leading to divorce. Some partners as they get to marriage they are not aware of the commitments therewith and therefore they get into it blindly. They are hence non-committal in their promises which they also made blindly; this eventually leads to a collapse in the marriage as failure to take up responsibilities is evidenced.

Individual differences such as early marriages could attribute to high divorce rates. Statistics show that the earlier one gets married the greater the likelihood of divorce. The longer a couple has been married the probability is very low for them to end up in divorce. Fast marriages divorce rates occur between their second and third anniversaries.

The quality of marital relationships matters also, partners is bound to show respect for one another. If they show respect and are easily flexible the lower the chances of divorce.

Societal differences are also a great contributing factor towards high divorce rates. When there is an increase of the economy, divorce rates are very high. This is because prosperity leads to one or both of the partners concentrating on other things like financial projects that he aspires to begin or money booms that are taking place at the expense of family happiness. When the economy is low, there are low divorce rates.

Great passage of the baby boom in the marriageable ages is also a leading divorce factor. Women are seen to be more economically stable and they are largely available for the child so they seem not to care much in a case where divorce is inevitable. They can easily cope up so long us they are able to satisfy the needs of their children.

United States ethical values, codes of conduct and attitudes of many people have changed. With this the stigma related to divorces is no longer there and therefore no is any longer of divorcing after all it’s not such a big deal to them.

Most marriages fail but not all fail due to the same reasons. However the reasons are almost similar in most families. Some of the notable reasons leading to failure in marriages are: Poor communication of both partners over any arising issues that need to be looked upon. Financial problems that are mostly associated with rise in the economy, lack of commitment of both parties towards the marriage and also towards their responsibilities.

Change in the list of their priorities, may be one of the partners wants a certain thing to be purchased, the other thinks the other is the best for that time and so on. This may as a result lead to failed expectations or unmet needs. Infidelity of both or either of the partners is also a great factor. Unfaithfulness can result to physical, sexual or emotional abuse which is rather hurting and humiliating.

Lack of a universal public policy in the United States puts many families in a difficult situation in coping with the unique pressure of modern life for example lack of a national health insurance has resulted to many families to stress of low income and poor and unemployed families already leading to divorce, violence and abuse.

Family resiliency has also been reduced by the US government through the absence of paid parental leaves surrounding child birth. The longer paid leaves improve conditions such as maternal health, lower infant mortality, enhanced infant and child development and greater opportunity for women being re- employed or resuming employment after child birth. This in turn promotes resiliency.

A nuclear family consists of a father, mother an d their children. Nuclear families can be of any size provided they family can support itself. As a result of the high divorce rates the term nuclear families has birthed the term Blended families which is seen as a combination of many nuclear families in some terms.

A blended family is formed when one of the partners in the marriage has been married before and has had one or more children from the other previous marriage. For example a man and a wife divorces and the wife leaves with the children or child and is married to another man or alternatively, a divorced wife with her children is married to a divorced man who had also his children. In such a kind these a re called blended families.

According to Ganong and Colememan 1994; Herbert 1999. These kinds of families can turn out to be very complicated. These families will then lead to formation of new extended families as a result of a third parent. This will now be a family that is not based out of blood relationships.

In the formation of these blended families, much instability also arises. Blended families may live happily for the first few years but in the case of the children there may arise lots of difficulties Blended families are confronted by great problems such as financial difficulties, stepchildren antagonism and unclear and undefined rules. Children contributes to higher divorce rate among second marriages according to Baca Zinn and Eltzen 2000

In regards to financial difficulties, incomes are lower in step families and therefore there a re greater financial demands both by the former and present families. Remarried husbands will be required to support children of the former marriages and also of their present marriages. This is a very serious effect that would eventually result to divorce of the blended family again.

Step children are also hopeful that probably their parents would reunite; this gathers bitterness in them when they realize it’s not forthcoming. They will in return undermine the new marriage especially if they are teenagers.

The lack o f specialization of family roles and not setting them up as well as informing the children may be another cause of divorce of the blended family. The roles are unclear especially to children who do not consider their step father as their “real” father or the step mother as their “real” mother. They do not even know whether to call the father “dad” or the mother “mum” It is therefore uncertain to the children how much power that mum or dad has over them, what he can tell them to do or not. These may result to indiscipline and uncontrolled behavior especially for teenagers.

For a child, growing up, or being thrust into, a blended family is a confusing amalgam of emotions; including anger, jealousy, grief, and guilty, to name a few. Step parenting is an extremely more difficult job than parenting biological children, with the divorce rate in blended families ever climbing. From discipline to bonding, stepparents are constantly dealing with barriers. From dealing with the ex-spouse, to the resentment of an angry stepchild many trials are in store for the role of stepmother or stepfather. Coincidentally, the divorce rate statistically looks to be higher when the stepparent is the mother versus the stepparent being the father.

The reason why blended families divorce blended families, is greatly as a result of the animosity between stepparent and stepchild; differing parenting styles; unrealistic expectations about the closeness of the step family members and lack of family therapy specializing in blended families.

Conclusion

In conclusion, we cannot just stand on the roof tops and shout aloud that blended families shouldn’t be. This would be a discredit to those who have already formed successful blended families. There of course have got to be a solution towards happy blended families to the already divorced parents. To those parents that aren’t divorced, they should try and solve their issues without involving third parties and ensure they live a happy life despite all the ups and downs of marriages.

For parents who have opted to join blended families it is essential that we kick out the old “Cinderella” fairy tale of the wicked stepmother and the “happily ever after” too. Learn to treat each other with kindness, patience and respect just the same way you would wish someone else to treat you. As a mother make a point of not speaking ill of their natural parent at all. Both parents and their all children should talk about the conflicts and try to understand as well as solve them.

The parents should avoid disagreeing with each other in front of their children. They should resolve their conflicts indoors behind closed doors. None of the parent should point a finger to the child of the other parent. Each parent should still spend quality time with their original children to still show the affection, however affection should be given to all children by all parents too. Remember blended families are not only formed out of divorce, there are other reasons such as death and therefore affection should be passed to all individuals both the father and mother and also to their children. Love and discipline should also be given which will be the hall mark of a good blended family.

References

Blau, M. (1993) Families apart: Ten Keys to successful so- parenting. New York NY: The Berkley Publishing group.

Divorce Rates; Why Divorce Rates Increased: Most causes of Divorce. Web.

Divorce rates in Blended families; free essay. Web.

Details Kids: What is a family. Web.

All About Life Challenges:Blended Families;Unity and peace. Web.

Introduction

Speaking of the family and the marriage, an extremely important sphere of the human life is considered, and this sphere lives through the profound alterations which occur today. The range of the treatments of proceedings is very wide. Frequently it is necessary to note, that the family, as a society and as a whole, is struck by the system crisis, which blew up the moral bases of human life. This is evinced by abnormal relations to the children and older people, the disturbance of the traditional related connections, an increase in the divorces, number of single mothers and so forth.

Main body

The topicality of the theme of work consists in the fact that although the relations between the people in the marriage are personal and especially individual, at the same time they have social values. In these relations lies the future of the state, which must be of special interest and serve as the object of concern from the side of the state and the society. It is possible to say with confidence that the society and the state are interested in the lessening the divorces and family- marriage relations to be normally developed and improved.

Divorce in any event testifies the destruction of family connections and their lack of strength and therefore objectively cannot be considered as a positive phenomenon. This essay is addressing the couple-family relationships and the issue of divorce in general as a phenomenon in terms of causes, dynamics and influences.

The family – is a unique institution of the cooperation of two people. This uniqueness consists in the fact that this tightest union of several people (husband and wife, then children) which connects their moral obligations. In this union the people attempt to conduct as much as possible time in joint interaction, to provide happiness and pleasure to each other in the process.

The destruction of the stability of the social status, the loss of confidence in the protection and stability of the family peace can negatively affect the adults and the children and sometimes they can lead to the asocial reactions. A comparatively small aid, shown at this moment to the family, which does not have the formal signs of social risk, can help it to preserve stability – otherwise family can pass into the category of unhappy families.

If outlining the crisis periods of family life, the usual stages could consist of the following:

• The first year of conjugal life is characterized by the conflicts of adaptation to each other, when two “I”s become one “We”. The evolution of feelings occurs, love in obsessive meanings disappears and the couples appear before each other in a natural manner. It is known that in the first year of the life of family the probability of divorce is great.
• The second crisis period is connected with the advent of children. The still weak system of “we” undergoes serious testing. However, what is the basis of conflicts during this period?
  • The possibilities for a professional growth of the couple are deteriorated.
  • Less possibilities for the realization of personal activities such as hobbies.
  • The fatigue of wife, related with taking care of the child, can lead to temporary reduction in sexual activity.
  • Possible collisions of opinions of the couple on raising the child problems. “Second-order change also occurs with the realignment of relationships with extended family as it opens to include the parenting and grandparenting roles.” (Arlene 2002)
• The third crisis period coincides with the average conjugal age, which is characterized by the conflicts of monotony. As a result the multiple repetitions of one and the same impressions by the couples set a feel of repletion of each other. This state could be called the hunger for the feelings, when “satiety” of the old impressions and “hunger” for the new starts. In addition if defining the conflict it could be said that it is a “a circumstance that can be explained by reliance on observed spouse behavior during problem solving as the primary source of data for understanding marital conflict and by a movement away from the idiographic approach characteristic of early behavioral interventions. (Fincham & Beach, 1999, p. 47)
• The fourth period of conflicts of couple relations can come after many years of joint life. Its appearance frequently coincides with the approximation of the period of involution, the appearance of the feeling of solitude, connected with the withdrawal of children that is amplified by the emotional dependence of wife, and her worries apropos of the possible tendency of the husband to be sexually satisfied outside of the marriage.

Significant influence on the probability of the occurrence of conjugal conflicts could also be caused by external factors: worsening in the material status of many families; excessive busyness of one of the partners (or both) at the work; the impossibility of normal employment of one of the partners; the absence of own residence and other.

The list of the factors of conflicts in the family would be incomplete, if we do not name the macro factors, i.e. the changes, proceeding in the contemporary society, mainly: an increase in the social alienation; orientation on the cult of consumption; the devaluation of the moral values, including the traditional standards of sexual behavior; a change in the traditional position of woman in the family (the opposite positions of this change are the complete economic independence of the woman and the tendency to be a housewife); the crisis state of the economy, finances, and social sphere of the state.

Many recommendations regarding the normalization of conjugal interrelations, warning the overgrowing questionable situations into the conflicts are developed. The majority of them could be analyzed as following:

• Respect yourself, and your other half.
• Remember that he/she is the closest person to you, the father/mother of your children.
• Try not to accumulate mistakes; offence and “sins”, but immediately react on them. This will exclude the accumulation of negative emotions
• Do not comment each other in the presence of others (children, guests and etc.)
• Do not exaggerate your own abilities and merits; do not consider yourself always in everything right. More greatly entrust and reduce the jealousy to the minimum.
• Be attentive, and know how to listen to and to hear your partner. Do not descend, worry about your physical attractiveness, and work at your weaknesses.
• Never generalize even apparent weaknesses of your partner, conduct conversation only about concrete behavior in the concrete situation.
• Act with enthusiasm and respect toward your partner’s hobbies and interests. In family life it is sometimes better not to know truth than establishing it at any cost. Try to find time in order to at least sometimes rest from each other. This will help to remove emotional- psychological repletion by conversations.

Divorce, i.e. the legally stated disintegration of marriage, is the antithesis of marriage, and could be described as its shady side. Sociological case study of divorce (sociology of divorce) – is to certain degree is the case study of marriage itself, and in essence its negative sides. So that this analysis would be successful, it is necessary to have a correct idea about social nature of that phenomenon, which should be analyzed.

Conflicts in the family can create the psychologically traumatic situation for the husbands, their children, and parents, as a result of which they acquire a number of negative properties of personality. In the conflicting family many the negative experience of contact is attached as well as, the loss the faith in the possibility of existence of friendly and tender interrelations between the people, and negative emotions are accumulated, in such a way that psycho-injuries appear. Psycho-injuries are more frequently manifested in the form the experiences, which in view of manifestation, duration or repetition strongly affect the personality. If analyzing thoroughly this radical method of solving conjugal conflicts, i.e. the divorce, it could be mentioned that it is preceded by a process, which consists of three stages:

1. The emotional divorce, which is expressed in the alienation, the indifference of husbands to each other, loss of confidence and love;
2. The physical divorce, which leads to the separation;
3. The juridical divorce, which requires the legal formulation of the curtailment of marriage.

Divorce brings deliverance from the hostility, fraud, lies and other things that makes the life intolerable. The divorce as a phenomenon has achieved wider spread in the society today “”Most people know that half of America’s new marriages are likely to end in divorce, a fact recently confirmed by the U.S. Census Bureau” (Mcmanus & Mcmanus, 2003) Certainly, it has negative consequences. They are different for the participants of the divorce, the children and the society. The most vulnerable to the divorce usually are women who remain with children. The negative consequences of divorce for the children are much more significant in comparison with the consequences for the husbands. The child could lose one parent, since in many instances the child stays with the mother.

Frequently, especially women, fear the need to be economically independent, because they feel dependency and they do not know, how they will manage their life. Men usually fear to completely lose contact with their children.

In many cases the effects of the divorce could be observed from many aspects although mainly negative, some positive factors could be found.

If addressing the positive effects of the divorce, it should be kept in mind that these effects are mainly established on the opinion of selecting the option that leads to less negative results. This principle is more perceptible in the case when the family has children; because it has been proved that “a conflict-ridden intact home is more detrimental to all family members than a stable home in which parents are divorced. Naturally, this is because the continued conflict drains the energy needed for a child’s development, causing difficulties in learning, socializing or other areas of growth.”(Peterson 2008)

In case the family has no children, this result in analogy can be paralleled without question, as it is better to peacefully separate and try to search for happiness elsewhere than to keep a family-like image and live in a delusion. Of course these statements works better when all other options and solutions have been tried and reached and this is usually true for people that are younger, educated, and were in temporary marriages.

If speaking about the negative effects of the divorce, it should be noted that the previously stated positive effects should be mentioned separately and not related to each other. Due to the variety of the negative effects of the divorce, only the main aspects should be mentioned.

The main and mostly the apparent effect of the divorce is the emotional aspect, as it is revealed that the problems in the family ends with a divorce and “negative feelings related to the failing marriage and the divorce have subsided to a point where they no longer determine behavior and where the divorcee seizes the change for personal growth.” (Guttmann, 1993, p. 55)

Conclusion

The financial factor is an additional argument on the negative sides of the divorce, and this case is particularly correct for women, as the study acknowledged “a 30 percent drop, as compared to a 10 percent to 15 percent increase for divorced men.” (Galston, 1996) Other aspects could include health and social effects of the divorce, however the main issue considering the divorce will stay the effect that it has on children.

Some of the effects the divorce on children could be considered the increased likelihood of being victims of abuse, bad relations with the parents, loss of desire to have children in the future, and behavioral problems. The majority of these problems follow the children in the future, as the researches are showing that “the effects of divorce continue into adulthood and affect the next generation of children as well.” (Fagan & Rector, 2000)

Works Cited

Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT (2002). Stages of the Family Life Cycle. Web.

(2000). Assessing Family Crisis. Web.

Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. (1999). CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE: Implications for Working with Couples. 47.

Mcmanus, M., & Mcmanus, H. (2003). How to Create an America That Saves Marriages. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 31(3).

Witte, J. (2002). The Meanings of Marriage. First Things: A Monthly Journal of Religion and Public Life 30+.

Fagan, P. F., & Rector, R. (2000). The Effects of Divorce on America. World and I, 15.

Galston, W. A. (1996). Divorce American Style. Public Interest 12+.

Guttmann, J. (1993). Divorce in Psychosocial Perspective: Theory and Research. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Peterson, G. (2008). Is divorce always damaging to the kids? IVillage. Web.

Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce?: The Relationship between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Hetherington, E. M. (2002). Marriage and Divorce American Style: A Destructive Marriage Is Not a Happy Family. The American Prospect, 13, 62+.

(2008). U.S. Divorce Statistics.: Divorce Magazine. Web.

There seems to be a school of thought existing which believes that people who marry young will always end up divorced. The reasons for the failure of the marriage is supposed to stem from the immaturity of the parties involved and the ill preparedness of the couple to deal with the changes that married life brings to one another. It actually seems like our society conditions these marriages to fail because the people who are supposed to be supportive and encouraging are the very people who say “it is destined to fail.” Luckily, there are some young people who enter into a marriage and find that it lasts them a lifetime. So what is their formula? According to Mark Regnerus of the Washington Post, there are actually 3 reasons as to why a couple marrying young could find that their marriage works over time. He outlined these reasons in his article “Say Yes, What Are You Waiting For?”. He indicated that the misconception as to what defines an early marriage, the age, mental maturity, and sexual difference between men and women, as well as the age factor are the real reasons that a young marriage works even though there are those who believe otherwise.

According to Mr. Regnerus, people have a preconceived notion of what an “early marriage” is. Unfortunately, people believe that an early marriage is limited to teenagers getting married. Those are the ones that usually end up in divorce. But that is not the be all and end all of the definition of an early marriage. In reality, early marriage is entered into by people who are in their early 20’s. It is this age bracket of married couples that usually live themselves engaged in a lifetime relationship.

If we were to also pay attention to the gender differences of people who marry early, we would find that women mentally mature much earlier than men. This means that they are more capable of understanding the demands of marriage and are more understanding of their spouse’s shortcomings. To quote the data from the National Survey Of Family Growth that was included in the same article:

…women who marry at 18 have a better shot at making a marriage work than men who marry at 21.

Being the more mature member engaged in the relationship, women are able to see reason and find middle ground with their husbands a lot easier than the males. This is one reason why young marriages tend to last longer. The spouses find that they are still young enough to adjust to each other’s likes and dislikes before it becomes a real threat to the marriage.

Finally, we have to understand that the age at which a man or woman marries does not have any direct bearing on the strength and longevity of the union. What really makes the marriage work and last longer than most people expect is the fact that the couples are willing to engage in the hard work that will make the marriage last. These are the young people who prove a maturity far beyond their years. They are master negotiators, part psycho-analyst, and most of the time, best friends. Indeed young marriages tend to last longer when the spouses realize early on that they are not only engaged in a marriage but in a relationship with their best friend. Once a connection like that is made during oneself youth, it is not easy to let go. Instead, it serves as the reason for the marriage to last longer than the bets that were placed upon when the divorce would be on the day that the couple got married.

These are the reasons why young marriages do not necessarily end up in divorce over time. The fact that the people marry when they are still young enough to make compromises and talk to each other spells the difference between divorce and the golden wedding anniversary. Familiarity in this case, does not breed contempt but rather, fosters love, care, and understanding between spouses.

References

Regnerus, Mark.(2009) Say yes, what are you waiting for? The Washington Post.

In this paper, we are going to discuss the impact of divorce on children. In particular, we need to analyze a situation when a married couple is on the point of break-up, however, they are concerned with the well-being of their children (a boy of 5 and a girl of 9), and they cannot decide whether they should cease their relationships immediately or wait until their children grow up. Our task is to propose a solution, which may address this problem. In order to do it, we should pay extra attention to such parameters as the physiological atmosphere in the family, socio-economic and educational status of both parents, age group of the son and daughter, the level or degree of compatibility between spouses, and so forth (Emery, 2004; Fischer, 2007). Overall, we can say that there is no universal approach to this issue as much depends on the circumstances. We need to describe the line of reasoning of a psychotherapist.

It stands to reason, that divorce, in itself is not conducive to the happiness of children because upbringing usually involves both sexes, and each parent can implant different qualities in his or her offspring. Nevertheless, it does not actually mean that a single father or mother is incapable of doing it. As it has been noted earlier, the spouses may wait until their children become more mature. At first glance, such an option may appear quite plausible as this will enable both of them to bring up their son and daughter. But, this variant is applicable only under the condition that both parents can set aside their personal disliking or sometimes even aversion to one another. There is a widely-held opinion that it is much better for them at least to make pretense of harmonious conjugal relations than to dissolute their marriage. Nonetheless, the results of many studies indicate that occasionally this is not the best decision (Applewhite, 2009). There are several reasons for psychologists to make such a statement: first: people, who try to suppress their feelings and emotions (and this married couple will definitely have to do so) are bound to vent their spleen or anger on the weaker person or persons (as a rule, children). Another drawback is that the boy and girl would feel that parents make sacrifices for them. This may eventually give rise to guilt complex and the sense of being a burden. In addition to that, one cannot presume that they will not notice constant squabbles of mother and father. The quarrels in the family may lead to depression, autism, poor communication skills, etc (Emery, 2004). In the long term, this will affect both children (irrespective of their age or sex). Yet, a girl will be more vulnerable as she is older and more sensitive to those troubles within the family. Thus, we may say that prolongation of marriage may be acceptable only if partners will be acting in such a way that their offspring will not realize that this is just a well-staged performance; otherwise, this will result only in adverse consequences.

Psychotherapists may propose a different approach to this dilemma. The parents may choose to divorce one another, and either wife or husband will take both son and daughter. Many studies suggest that a single parent has the capacity to educate both children (Applewhite, 2009). But this option is also not devoid of potential hurdles. First, partners may avidly contest their rights for children, and sometimes the trial may last for many years (Gurman, 2008). Certainly, this is not directly relevant to the field of psychology but we can draw many examples proving that the boy and girl may suffer even after the break-up only due to their parents continuous disputes. Secondly, some other difficulties have to be surmounted, for instance, if neither of the spouses has the ability, competence to raise them. Again, we have to stress the idea that divorce is always deep trauma for infants, and its impact may manifest itself only with time passing. With the reference to this specific situation, we may argue that the girl will be more susceptible. Being four years older than her sibling, she will be much more aware that she is deprived of one of her birth-givers. The same rule will apply to the boy, especially after three or four years. In order to avoid this negative influence, it is vital to develop visiting schedule, as this will at least alleviate the feeling of loss (Applewhite, 2009). It is not easy to give any specific tips for this couple. Perhaps, they should wait for a certain period of time: family therapists maintain that such tensions may occur quite regularly but eventually partners overcome them and live happily (Gurman, 2008).

Provided that no compromise has been made, this couple should better divorce. Of course, this piece of advice is not very consolatory, but on the whole, a break-up is less detrimental than permanent squabbles and quarrels of parents. Given the fact, that happiness of children is at stake, it is more desirable for them to separate from one another, as this is the lesser of two evils. Our analysis is very far from being complete because it lacks details and valid information. In point of fact, we have attempted to describe the criteria on which family therapist should base their judgment.

Bibliography

1. Applewhite. A. A (2009). Does divorce devastate children?
2. Emery R (2004). The truth about children and divorce: dealing with the emotions so you and your children can thrive. Viking
3. Fischer. T (2007). Parental Divorce and Children’s Socio-economic Success: Conditional Effects of Parental Resources Prior to Divorce, and Gender of the Child. Sociology. (41), p 475.
4. Gurman. A (2008). Clinical handbook of couple therapy. Guilford Press.

The men and women in the force have always been associated with violent tendencies and are accused of being inhuman. Whether this is a fallacy or not, it can only be clarified by those who have had the opportunity to interact with them. It has been argued in the past that even a soft person has the ability to change drastically for the worst once they join the army. But perhaps the whole blame cannot be laid entirely on them. The kind of training they undergo and the kind of life they lead make them change. As much as there are unique reasons that lead servicemen to divorce, the reasons are more or less the same as those leading civilians to separate.

The major reason causing military divorce is due to the fact that the military men and women don’t have enough time to spend with their families. Unlike other professions, a military person is supposed to report to their designation promptly. There is no room for questions or excuses in this field. As a result of this, the significant others prefer giving up on their marriages and doing it on their own.

Secondly, due to the fact of being away from each other for a significant amount of time, military relationships and marriages are full of infidelity. It has become a common phenomenon for soldiers deployed to keep the peace or any assignment of the sort to be accused of sexual crimes against native women.

As discussed earlier, due to their nature of training and the nature of the job, the military tends to be emotionally imbalanced with violent tendencies. On the other hand, most of their partners are civilians’ who, with time, cannot stand these violent tendencies. Most of the couples have separated, citing domestic violence.

In addition, other partners have cited a lack of job security as the major cause of divorce. This is especially so for the career-conscious people who have dreams of advancing in their careers. Due to the culture of moving from one location to the other, their spouses are constantly applying for jobs. With the current rate of unemployment, this becomes hard for them to secure jobs. With a passion for their career, some spouses prefer to end their marriages in order to achieve their professional dream.

Furthermore, this culture of constant movement is not conducive, especially for school-going children—these calls for changing schools every now and then with every deployment. Eventually, the child ends up being left a step behind by children their age. This has become a common worry with parents. It has scientifically been proven that children have some period of time before they adapt to their new environment. When this is done repeatedly, the children seem to lose focus and thus lag behind.

According to Welmer (par. 1), some partners divorce due to the fact that benefits are assured for divorcing spouses, especially if they have children. This guarantees them financial security and thus do not see the need to put up with a spouse who, after all, is rarely available when they need them the most.

As a result of this, coupled with the normal hardships of military life, the rate of death among servicemen and women has also increased. According to Waddington (par. 5), the army records the highest number of suicides at 20.2 per 100,000. This rate falls slightly higher than the suicide rate of civilians, which is 19.5 per 100,000 people.

In America, before the Afghanistan and Iraq wars started, the divorce rates were a little lower. This can be attributed to the fact that prewar marriages were not established with the full knowledge of wartime stresses, which were not part of the calculus of marital commitment. When mass recruitment started, wives and husbands were not prepared for the pain and lengthy separation from their loved ones.

The main reason as to why people get married is so as to provide companionship, and when this is not forthcoming, then it beats logic to continue staying in such a marriage. Due to the dreadful uncertainty and unending loneliness, many civilian spouses applied for divorce with the hope of living a normal life.

However, just like any other divorce, the effects weigh a toll on the children. No amount of explanation is enough to make them understand why their parents cannot stay together. Without careful explanation, the children might be left blaming one parent for being the cause of their predicament. More so, children whose parents have separated or worse still divorced develop withdrawal symptoms. Most young people who engage in criminal activities are cited to be those who hail from unstable families. To counter this, just like the divorcees, the children should be taken for counseling. This way, they might understand what is happening is necessarily not a one-person mistake.

Men and women both suffer a decline in mental health following a divorce. However, researchers have concluded that women are prone to suffer more than men. Some of the mental health indicators exhibited by divorced couples include depression, hostility, low self-esteem, and negative relations with others (Desai par. 8). Careful considerations must be put into place by spouses before they get married to ensure that they are ready to withstand any legitimate hardships. This way, the number of divorce cases caused by simple misunderstandings will be eliminated.

Works Cited

Desai, Amy.” Divorce: the effects of divorce.” 2001. Web.

Waddington, Michael. “Augusta GA military divorce lawyer: as suicide rise, Military intensifies prevention efforts.” 2009. Web.

Welmer. “The spearhead: military divorce rate still rising.” 2009. Web.

“It’s Complicated”: Rekind

Synopsis

Ten years have passed since Jack (Alec Baldwin) and Jane (Meryl Streep) divorced. Both are obligated to attend when the youngest graduates college. As it happens, both come solo and are thrown together. Is love really sweeter the second time around?

The movie blurb is simplicity itself. “Divorced…with benefits” promises plenty of naughty goings-on, calling to mind the casual sex of “best friends…with benefits” that young men cherish for its insouciant lack of commitment. The salacious promise is bolstered by a visual of an extremely-pleased Jake in post-coital seventh heaven beside Jane, all disheveled and shocked by what had happened. If the movie had carried on with that theme, content to depict the rekindled ardor of empty-nesters, and delivered the expected frothy happy ending, that might have been the end of it. An amusing fantasy, the viewer might concede, but shallow.

But the relationship is complicated. Jack is already married to Agness (Lake Bell) who brought to the marriage a young son. Jane had never dated after the divorce, preferring to develop her weekend catering stints into a full-fledged bakery/diner. That one night before the son’s graduation in New York might have been a pleasant interlude for old time’s sake. Except that Jack and Jane both reside in Anytown, USA. Waking up to the realization that he still loves Jane, Jack comes visiting on the excuse of wanting a cup of coffee or a bowl of ice cream. Both times, they wind up in bed. The third time should have been a gourmet dinner Jane promised him but the by-now suspicious Agness kept Jack home on the excuse she was ovulating (Internet Movie Database, 2010).

Meanwhile, Jane is horrified-delighted that hers is now the role of the other woman. Then along comes Adam (Steve Martin), two years on the rebound from a divorce that devastated him. As architect designing a new wing for Jane’s old family home, Adam has many chances to have Jane to himself. Dazzled by such a vivacious woman, the perfect foil for his shy self, Adam dares to pay court. Little does he realize he creates more complications for Jane.

The fourth time Jack sees Jane again is the climax of the film. Jack invites himself to dinner when all the children are around. Jane is resentful that he stood her up. He makes his case to get back together with her and the children. And now the dénouement ensues. Jane would rather disappoint Jack and the children.

Gender Balance in the Film

By the nature of the screenplay, men and women populate the cast in believable proportions. The gender divide among the main protagonists cannot be helped: two ex-husbands, one current wife and an ex-wife. Two of Jack’ and Jane’s three children are daughters but there is Harley (John Krasinski) evening things out as fiancé to the eldest. Jane’ s coffee klatch of ladies who dine and support each other no matter what is counterbalanced by the stereotypical male psychiatrist Dr. Alan who condones anything “if it makes you happy”.

Appearance, Style and Gender Roles

“It’s Complicated” depicts the four protagonists in true-to-life fashion. Jack the lawyer is always dressed for success or for an appearance in court, at least. At high noon in a tropical setting (California? Florida?), Jack is the only one at a friend’s anniversary party wearing a blazer; everyone else is in their shirtsleeves or ultra-casual t-shirts. He is the epitome of dignity, erudition, assertiveness, rational thought, and self-serving actions. Jack is also flushed with success, having been made partner in his law firm sometime in the ten years that transpired since the divorce. Such a career background, Jane remarks during their second tryst, explains why he always seems to find the right reason for getting things his way.

Lake Bell as wife number two Agness is established right in the opening scene as the ravishing young wife. Film director Nancy Meyers gives her the slow-motion treatment as she strolls from inside the house to hand Jack a slice of cake. Wearing only a gauzy wrap-around over a two-piece maillot-style bikini, Agness vamps her hips, exposes about 20 inches of young, well-toned torso, swings long hair freely, all while tilting her head in a “come hither” stance. She obviously comes to take possession of her husband. This is Jane’s cue to make a graceful exit because there is obviously no love lost between the two ladies. Agness wins that first battle but ultimately loses the war because the rest of the movie is all downhill for her character. She is revealed to be a hard case, nasty, wanting to dominate and bitchy for failing at it. In trading beauty, confidence and grace for youth, Jack clearly has made a bad bargain.

The contrast in that opening scene is heightened by Jane’s frumpy look so common to middle-aged women. She pairs white slacks with an overly-loose blouse that makes her look about seven months pregnant (but without a man in her life) and tops the whole ensemble with the scarf women of a certain age commonly use to hide increasingly-slack necks or sagging necklines. But Jane is really her own woman, charming, funny and the real central character of the film.

The fourth main character, Adam the architect, is the self-effacing foil to Jack’s sartorial competence. For a party, Adam does don a coat over gray shirt and white t-shirt as if to proclaim his naïveté and essential nerdiness. Otherwise, he seems more comfortable in a white turtleneck when going over building plans with Jane.

The Cult of Power and Solution-Seeking

At first it is Jack who has the problem of being disappointed with his remarriage. A young trophy wife does him no good if he gets selfishness, bitchiness, and nagging to get pregnant into the bargain. And each time he and Jane are thrown together, he remembers all the good and thoughtful things she represented in his life. Even the physical attraction, it turns out, remains. After her psychiatrist has “absolved her of sin” for being a mistress, she calls her ex for an assignation in a hotel. In the privacy of their room, she dares to shed her bathrobe standing up (an act she had not dared previously for fear for what her middle-aged physique looked like) and promptly sends Jack into a fainting spell.

To solve his problem of renewed desire for Jane, Jack indulges in a combination of manipulative argument, the artifice of helplessness, and the common plaint of straying husbands like Tiger Woods, “…my marriage isn’t working as I had hoped.”

Since she recognizes the essential truth of why they were so good together and that the glaring hurdles in their marriage are now gone, Jane assents to an affair. But now she has the problem because Jack is still married.

Character Development and Depiction

“It’s Complicated” presents Jane in a somewhat more sympathetic light than it does Jack. After all, it turns out that the latter had turned his back on her a decade before because she had wanted more time for the children and her catering business. In the interim, Jane has grown in confidence from seeing the children through college and growing her bakeshop into a going concern.

While the affair lasts, Jane rides the rollercoaster of emotional highs and physical intimacy. But she comes down to earth fairly quickly. Should she have Jack back with all the comfortable familiarity that prospect offers? Or will quiet, vulnerable, well-intentioned Adam fill her remaining years better? What to do when Jack stuns her by confessing he has left Agness for good? Should she give in when the children learn what is going on and make known their innocent eagerness to have the family back together? In the end, Nancy Meyers as screenwriter hands Jane the power to decide for herself despite the importuning of ex-husband and adult children. The romantic comedy with its authentic male-female interplay affirms the wholeness of one person in the end.

References

Internet Movie Database, The (2010). It’s complicated. Web.

Introduction

This report presents the results and analysis of an investigation on the relationship between the length of tenure and divorce status of top executives of a certain corporation. Data was collected about the length of tenure of these and whether the executives have has a divorce. The information obtained from this study and analysis would be useful to the human resource department of the corporation in making decision related to hiring of staff.

Data

The data collected concerning the top executives is in the table below:

Procedure

The most suitable procedure for evaluation of the relationship between divorce and tenure is performing a correlation and regression analysis. The regression analysis would involve hypothesizing a model of the relationship as well as using estimates of the values of the tenure and divorce parameters to develop an approximated regression equation.

In additions, a z-test would be performed to establish whether the regression model is agreeable (Archdeacon¸1994). Subsequently, if the model is considered to be satisfactory, the approximated regression equation is utilized to predict whether a top executive has been divorced given the length of his or her tenure.

The nominal scale variable divorce was coded so that a numeric value of one (1) represented a ‘No’ response while a numeric value of two (2) represented a ‘yes’ response.

Correlation

The correlation analysis of the variables tenure and divorce using Excel software gave a correlation coefficient (r) of 0.75. This coefficient correlation implies that the relationship between tenure and divorce is strong and positive. Correlation is useful in showing how good a relationship (correlation) of two variables is and whether it is negative or positive (Weinberg & Abramowitz, 2008). However, it is only suitable for relationships that are characterized by a straight line. In addition, “correlation does not mean causation” (Archdeacon¸1994; Weinberg & Abramowitz, 2008).

Coefficient of Determination

Further analysis of the variables gives yields a coefficient of determination, which is given by R-square (R²), of 0.5625. This means that only 56.25% of whether executives have been divorced can be accounted for by their length of tenure. Similarly, only 56.25% of tenure can be explained by whether there has been a divorce.

Lengthy Causing Tenure Divorce

Since the correlation between length of tenure and divorce is positive, it means that divorce is likely to exist as the length of tenure increases, and vice versa. The results of the regression analysis show that divorce is related to tenure by the following linear equation: divorce = -3.5625 + 0.5 tenure. The p-value (shown as significance F in Excel) of approximately 0.0321 for the regression is less than the alpha of 0.05 (based on the 0.05 significant level).

This means that the null hypothesis that the regression model is not important (β=0) is rejected in favour of the alternative hypothesis that the regression model is important (β≠0). Therefore, the model denotes theoretically that for every increase in length of tenure, the likelihood of a divorce increases by 0.5 units.

Divorce Causing Lengthy Tenure

Since the correlation between length of tenure and divorce is positive, it means that the length of tenure is likely to increase when there is divorce, and vice versa. The results of the regression analysis show that divorce is related to tenure by the following linear equation: tenure = 8.4374 + 1.125 divorce.

The p-value (shown as significance F in Excel) of approximately 0.032 for the regression is less than the alpha of 0.05 (based on the 0.05 significant level). This means that the null hypothesis that the regression model is not important (β=0) is rejected in favour of the alternative hypothesis that the regression model is important (β≠0). Therefore, the model denotes that length of tenure increases by 1.25 units for every divorce.

References

Archdeacon¸T. J. (1994). Correlation and regression analysis: A historian’s guide. Madison, Wisconsin: University of Wisconsin Press.

Weinberg, S. L. & Abramowitz, S. K. (2008). Statistics using SPSS: An integrative approach. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.