Category: Dating

Here we are again. The season of love, gifts, chocolates and tears. Yes tears, not everyone is as happy you’d expect. But that’s just it. There comes a time when you are either in a relationship or as Emma Watson (Hermione from Harry Potter) would put it, ‘self-partnered’. It’s Valentines and like it or not, love is in the air. It’s during Valentines that some want to show that extra bit of love. This is the time when being single actually ‘slaps different’. You can probably avoid it for most of the year but on this particular day, it’s irresistible. In this article, however, we won’t focus on the day that is Valentine but rather, on the people who celebrate it.

In The Beginning

The concept of dating began at the turn of the 20th century. Before the late 1900s, courtship was a much more private, unemotional affair. It was a contract, a deal if you will. There were no phones to call and set up dates, no dating apps to pick out your perfect match. Women would meet with several men, with her parents present. The purpose; to pick the most suitable match for marriage, which heavily relied on factors such as financial and social status. In the man’s case, the richer you were, the more likely you were to get a wife. As for the women, the prettier you were, the richer your husband would be.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? But what’s the difference. Put it this way. Your father controlled your Tinder profile. He would put you up on a hypothetical account, advertise you and choose suitors for you based on his preference. All you had to do was, look good, get married to someone you just met and then find out they press the toothpaste from the top and not the bottom up. Simple isn’t it?

In previous years, love was not seen as being of central importance to a marriage. If it was to come it, it would emerge after the wedding had already occurred. But with the introduction of dating came an increased desire for romance and love, before deciding to commit to marriage.

Dating Past & Present & Future

When a young woman decided on a man she wanted to see exclusively, their activities as a couple took place either in the household or at social gatherings. At that time, there was no such thing as just two young lovers ‘going out on a date.’ You would have to maybe sneak out to the bushes to see the love of your life. The most you could do was wave at them from afar, but gone are the days.

This concept, explained in depth in The Oxford Companion to United States History, goes, ‘By the early nineteenth century, couples began to consider romantic love prerequisite for marriage and based their unions on companionship. The era’s fiction frequently drew on love themes, while articles and essays stressed mutual respect, reciprocity, communication and romance as ingredients of good marriages. Young courting couples chose their partners, and their letters focused on romance rather than on the practical matters that had dominated the correspondence of earlier generations.’

At pretty much no point in history was dating easy—just ask Romeo and Juliet. In the future, a computer program could dictate who you date, and for how long. This was the premise of a December 2017 episode of Black Mirror, a sci-fi TV series.

Now apps, such as Tinder, with their speedy account set-ups and ‘swipe to like’ approach, have taken dating to another level. Tinder launched in 2012 on the back of the explosion in smartphone use. Just two years later it was registering more than a billion ‘swipes’ a day. Pew Research found that 59% of adults now think online dating is a good way to meet people.

So online dating is here to stay – and will embrace new technologies as they emerge – but when it comes to love, there are no guarantees. There’s different scopes to look at this new venture towards dating. There’s:

The support

“It’s harder and harder to meet people the traditional way now. You’re seen as a creep if you try starting a conversation on public transport or in the pub. I’m not ashamed to say I met my other half on Tinder, happiest I’ve ever been.”

It’s obvious the world is changing, things are different now, the world view is custom for everyone and meeting people is getting harder every day. As an evolving world we’re trying to make everything easier, even dating. So we join these apps to find the perfect match. Some people see no need of going out on multiple dates to find their significant other. It’s much easier to get an app that shows you all the exact traits you’re looking for in your partner. That’s what the likes of Tinder, Facebook and other social media and dating apps give you. And, fun fact, it’s no longer, village to village, it’s on a global spectrum now.

The refrain

“If young people didn’t bury their heads in mobile phones, whilst listening to headphones, they’d meet people normally. That way there would be no need to go online.”

They say what you’re looking for could be right in front of you. The problem is, less and less people want to even try to find people the old fashioned way. They get to the age where they believe they should start dating and immediately look to social media or dating apps for companionship. When in reality, he/she could your next door neighbor.

More individuals are having casual encounters & in relationships that last a shorter time. The success stories are few and far between. It seems more like a money-making venture based on people’s vulnerability & loneliness in a modern world where interpersonal reaction is neither developed nor encouraged.

The neutral

‘It seems to me if you use these sites you will get what you deserve. You only need protecting from yourself!’

Research has shown that women’s worst fear with dating apps is that the man will be a psycho, men’s worst fear is that the woman will be fat.

“There’s chances of meeting a psycho whether you’re dating in the real world or online. Both ‘platforms’ involve an initial contact to becoming more intimate … a process that can be abused in both worlds. At least with online there’s an audit trail (a small protection).”

There are those that believe that as long as there is contact, there is room for love and hate. Which is true. Most times it depends on how you handle the situation, what you bring to the table.

The old fashioned

So glad I dated (and eventually met my wife) the old fashioned way.

A smile, a look, getting up the courage to ask…all seemed very natural. I know the landscape has changed, but it seems to me you don’t get someone’s true character through a screen or carefully worded profile.

The way a person stands, engages with others, laughs, smiles…these are all part of the attraction.

Actually hearing a cell phone ring these days is kind of like seeing a unicorn—only less majestic and way more awkward. But since texting rules get more complicated with each new dating guide (the proper reply delay time is the current time on a 24 hour clock divided by two, minus the square root of nine plus the number that corresponds to your mood on the chart of your choice, right?) a simple phone call to set up a date is looking awfully tempting. Sure, we didn’t particularly enjoy those two-hours of telling each other to hang up at the end, but at least we knew where we were going to meet more than five minutes in advance.

Dating apps and social media

They have reduced social media to a bare minimum. This isn’t necessarily terrible as it helps you pick the ‘perfect’ match. With this however you may never be too sure. Apps let people doctor their details, change a few factors and hide their true identities. No one wants to post about their failures and struggles. All we see online is the perfect self we let the world know.

The problem comes in when you finally get into a relationship. You see someone fail or struggle and realize you did not sign up for this. Most people would opt out of a relationship over a simple fight. Reason being, there’s so many other people who could keep them happier instead of trying to solve the issues.

Sex and Relationships

The way in which two people experienced sexuality when dating also shifted. In the earlier part of the 20th century, sex and sexuality were not openly discussed.

As author Jodi O’Brien put it, ‘Sex was desexualized’ and reserved for marriage, when the couple had entered into a spiritual union with God. As dating gradually became more about personal pleasure throughout the decades, the expression of sexuality became much more commonplace.

There were no rules for dating anymore. Young people did what they wanted, when they wanted, and modern-day ‘hook up’ culture began.

‘For youth of the 1960s, such restrictions were a thing of the past. Many young women took birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. They freely explored their sexual feelings. Sex before marriage was no longer taboo. Young people extolled the benefits of ‘free love’— that is, making love without marriage or long-term commitments.’

Social media has really changed the perspective of app. The phrase “everyone is doing it” span across social media causing a ripple effect on the younger generation. No one wanted to feel left out. If everyone is doing it, then if you can’t beat them join them. People are fond of posting about their sexual prowess and this struck a large nerve in the dating scenario.

On the other hand, the same apps give us important information about sex education you don’t necessarily get in school. I remember when I was a child, saying ‘kiss’ always made us giggle. Thinking about sex was practically illegal. Nowadays, kids as young as 10 years old know and understand that children don’t come from the baby supermarket.

Final Verdict

Are they building or breaking relationships? Well, it all depends on how you use this information. How you use social media and dating apps to your benefit. Tinder just added a panic button to their app citing multiple cases of catfishing and misconduct during dates. This shows that we need to be more careful on who we decide to pick as our s/o.

If you are on the app just to meet and greet, that’s up to you. If you’re there to find your soulmate, then take your time and get ready to get hurt. No pain, no gain. So should you decide to go the traditional or modern way, be careful, stay vigilant and be patient.

There is an increase in the number of people looking for life partners through online dating platforms. Nowadays, dating is often online and not formal, as it was in the past. Social media has also provided a way for family and friends to keep in touch, even though they are hundreds of miles away. It might seem there is a lot of opportunity on such websites, but reality is far different from what it seems. I believe that it has both advantages, as well as serious drawbacks.

Throughout today’s world, the idea of dating has definitely changed and it has taken many ways, from traditional dating to online dating. Traditional dating can be a lot of fun: doing stuff together and trying to get to know each other personally. You can see him/her in different situations in life as you physically spend time with your date. Also, it is easier to feel the “chemistry” on face-to-face date. But now, most people do not have the time to step out for a date. So nowadays, teenagers especially are searching online for their partners. They begin to lose the true idea of love and feel more comfortable about the internet dating process. There are several benefits of online dating. By meeting individuals online you maintain a strategic distance from the nervousness of meeting the individual face-to-face. But online you can take cover behind a PC screen until you become acquainted with that individual. Many online dating sites supply numerous varieties of temperament testing and matching. These pairing may help guide persons who may be more matched with dating partners. There are several success tales about married or engaged couples meeting online. However, the internet has created a lot of new opportunities for us; it has also created negative effects.

Evaluating a person on the basis of their social media posts can lead to misrepresentation. Online dating may be a drawback when the relationship is only on online and does not include any physical communication. Consequently, most of the people in online miss out non-verbal communication like voice, pauses and actual laughs. Moreover, online dating services can be dangerous because of the users who use them. Some people with ill intentions are also using these platforms for their own purposes. So, most people on the internet admitted they lie during dating. The most popular things to lie about are their names, marital status, location and appearance. According to Lori Gottlieb, the author of the article How Do I Love Thee? says, “Women tend to lie in their profiles about their weight and their age. And men tend to lie about their height and how much hair they have. That just seems to be a given. But there are other things that people may lie about as well—and I use the word “lie” loosely. They may answer questions in a way that’s sort of fudging the truth a little bit…” Also breakups in internet relationship are also easy with blocking, deleting and unfriending from the account. In face-to-face dating there is possibly a more apparent form of rejection, but with the wall of a pc screen, the blows to self-esteem can be lessened.

Sawchuck (2013) says that “Judging what you learn without cross-referencing it with the person is a recipe for misinterpretative disaster” (p. 250). The article goes on to say that online dating steps begin with searching across a person’s Profile, choosing if you’ve been looking for a date or a friend, and then browsing Google. It is challenging for one to tell if a man or woman actually is who they say they are. For example, one may be dating a criminal who removes the bit of information from his account conveniently and also updates his photo. It might be too late when you find out. The article focuses on how dating platforms brings dangers from the traditional in-person environment. Online dating can cause lack of social skills among people especially on teenagers. They have a tendency to continue to be in the encircles of their homes to socialize with online friends or dates. They are not developing the skills to go out to approach someone as their partner. Along with the growth of dating apps, probabilities of finding a date appear to be ever-increasing. Nevertheless, there are also more direct dangers of interpersonal and mental problems that go along with online dating.

In conclusion, I believe that it has both advantages, as well as serious drawbacks. Although, carelessness when dating online could be a recipe for a disaster. Understanding how dating sites may impact personal relationships, both pro and con, has several consequences for the rest. Trying to increase the social skills among people in in-person can remove your nervousness of meeting the individual face-to-face. There is no way to completely eradicate the hazards of the internet, but there are ways to reduce them substantially. With the background checks security feature, the fake account issue or the lies about their account would be eliminated. Indeed the opportunities of online dating allow more people to meet their one real love or life partner than ever before. So be careful with our own lives and try to understand the true feeling of pure love with meeting our partners face-to-face.

Long-Distance Dating Relationships (LDDR’s) do no work! LDDR’s have become an ongoing phenomenon in our society today through social media. There’s a lot that goes into studying if these types of relationships work or not. Many people find it hard just to be separated from their significant others while some find it makes their relationship stronger. There is no definite answer to this type of dating relationship style to say if it’s effective or not but I can tell you there are studies that show it does not work. In our society, we are consumed in media 24/7 and one of the effects of this is that it makes keeping in touch with loved ones easier. I read 4 scholarly articles that help get to the bottom of this trend and dissect LDDR’s. The first article was about how uncertainty – certainty affects long-distance relationships. The second article was about friendships and romantic relationships in computer-mediated communication. The third article was about how Facebook and other mediums work in long-distance marriages. The final article was about how college students use email to maintain relationships that started as face to face friendships and romantic relationships.

The first article expressed that certainty is one of the most important factors in an LDDR. The distance makes it hard for either person in the relationship to have trust and certainty. While these couples in LDDR want to have that certainty a trust they still want that uncertainty factor and spontaneity in the relationship. LDDR’s plan more for convenience so they can manage their time together more efficiently. In this article, they took a small sample of a couple in long-distance relationships. They gave each of the couples the same three materials, they each go a consent form, a questionnaire with similar questions on it, and a tape recorder with four questions to answer. The four questions they had to answer were:

1. How does your time together positively impact your time apart?
2. How does your time together negatively impact your time apart?
3. How does your time apart positively impact your time together?
4. How does your time apart negatively impact your time together?

The conversations over the tape recorder led to some interesting results. When the first couple answered the questions they felt as though when they see each other they can’t do something mundane like watch movies because they feel like its wasting precious time they always feel the need to do something fun and exciting. Then the next couple answered and the boyfriend was saying how it’s so hard to plan to have sex because he wants it to be more or a spontaneous and in the moment kind of thing but the one time he wanted to his girlfriend was on her period and he said it would be more convenient to just have sex on her period instead of waiting till next time. Another couple the boyfriend said that when they have problems his girlfriend never wants to settle them over the phone so anytime they are together they spend most of their time together arguing. All of these conversations led to negative results in how their relationship is not perfect due to the distance. This article roves how LDDR’s don’t work when it comes to certainty – uncertainty and it’ s clear that there’s no way to have that same connection unless you are a geographically close relationship.

The next article was about Friendships in Computer-mediated Communication. This article explains that the two most important relationships that people hold on to ver CMC are romantic and friendships. The author says there are 3 tools people use to stay in touch and they are asynchronous, synchronous, and information, retrieval, storage, and manipulation communication. Asynchronous communication is through email, newspapers, and BBS. Synchronous communication is through instant messenger and chatrooms. Information retrieval, storage, and manipulation are through the Internet and electronic databases. Wang says that the two dominant forms of communication are emails and Instant messaging. I can see how this is true because we live in an era where most communication is electronically transmitted. But the one thing that caught my eye in this article is that Wang believes that long-distance friendships are less strenuous that long-distance friendships. In long-distance relationships, self-disclosure is more prominent in romantic relationships. In Long-distance friendships, wang says there more focused on keeping tabs on one another and it is not as serious whereas in LDDR’s there a lot more effort into the conversation and the two people tend to feel the need to talk more.

This next article was about how does facebook and other social media platforms affect LDDR’s and do they make them any better or is it still a challenge. The basic concept of this study is they took a sample of 50 migrant wives from Filipinos that left behind their spouses behind to move to the united states to secure financial stability before the rest of the family moves over. They interviewed the wives and asked them about their satisfaction levels of the LDDR through these social media platforms and if the platforms make the relationship easier to maintain or is it still challenging. One wife when asked these questions said: “Just seeing him is enough for me we call each other every day on Skype and it’s amazing what technology has allowed us to do to stay in touch with loved ones”. This woman is perfectly fine with the LDDR and the social media forms make it easy for her to have a meaningful relationship. The next wife says: “Conversations are stagnant and the same questions are asked every time: Goodmorning, how are you? How was your day? Have you eaten yet? Goodnight’. This woman is no happy with how over social media platforms the conversations are always the same and most likely it is because it’s hard to hold conversations for most people over the phone but then again they are married so it should be easy to. The last wife who talked said: “it’s so awkward when I do get to see my husband in person because I never get so see him on a regular basis. In-person I’m distant in hugs and I don’t even view him as a sexual partner anymore I view him as a companion. So when he tries to make certain moves I get uncomfortable.”. This is a side effect of being apart for so long it makes sense how she is feeling because she is away from her husband for almost 6 months at a time so when she sees him in person it’s different than seeing him every day. This article goes to show how LDDR’s don’t work in marriages the partners are apart for too long and they lose their connectedness the last two wives had a negative impression on it.

The final article I read was about college students maintain interpersonal relationships that started as face to face relationships and transferred to email due to long-distance. Email is a very valuable tool; “the growth in the number of Americans online means that people can use the Internet to keep in touch with a larger proportion of their friends and relationships”. There are so many college students that are friends with people in high school, then when they go off to college they are thousands of miles away. There are 3 contributions to computer-mediated and intrapersonal communication in this study. The first one is maintaining communication over email; Most relationships are maintained over face to face communication which is the norm. Emails allow for a more strategic approach to express messages and enhance impressions. The second contribution is Face to face compared to long-distance relationships; Most people have the same satisfaction levels and reported closeness. In these long-distance relationships, people say they expect less maintenance behaviors than a face to face relationship. The final contribution was the positivity and openness levels were expressed more in an internet-based relationship; in these types of relationships, people feel more comfortable saying certain things they may not be brave enough to say in person. The people in the study said that internet-based relationships were less expensive, more convenient, quick interactions, and more frequent in communicating. I feel that these contributions make online dating more of a challenge; yes it’s easier and less expensive but they are still missing that face to face interaction you never know how differently someone will act in person.

After reading this article about LDDR’s I have three theories in mind that I can do my on a study on this to see if they really work or not. The first theory I would like to use is the Relational Dialects Theory. This theory explains “The dynamics and unnecessary struggle between discourse and intrapersonal relationships”. The main focus of this theory is internal in external dialects; in the internal dialect, the focus of the study would be on certainty – uncertainty. Certainty – uncertainty is how spontaneous or predictable a relationship is. So in a study on this, I can choose 5 face to face couples and 5 LDDR couples and interview them asking them the level of certainty and uncertain and see if that effects the satisfaction of the relationship. I would assume that thee LDDR couples would have less uncertainty in their relationship only because they would have to plan their meetings according to their personal schedules. For the face to face couples, I would assume that they can have more spontaneity in their relationship because they would be able to see each other in person more often.

The second theory I can use to see if LDDR’s work or not is the Uncertainty Reduction Theory. The premise of this theory is; “increased knowledge of what kind of person the other is, which provides an improved foresight of how a future interaction will turn out”. So in the study my main focus would be how well couples communicate over the internet as opposed to online. I would take 5 couples that are face to face and 5 souple that are LDDR and put to test how well they know each other; to do this I will give both groups of couples the same questions on a quiz of ten questions. I will base my results off of which group scores better on answering these questions. The group that scores better I will assume has better communication so they can have a good enough understanding of their partner. The group that scores less I will assume they don’t talk that much in depth about each other and probal don’t have that good of an understanding of each other.

The final theory I will use to prove my point if LDDR’s work or not is the Social Information Processing Theory. The definition of this theory is “people can indeed form relationships online that are just as satisfying if not sometimes more satisfying than their offline interactions”. To perform a study I would take 5 couples and some will have been in an online relationship and the others will be in a face to face relationship. The key point to this is that some of the couples will have common social media platforms they can converse about and common interests like sports or gaming then some will not have the same interests and see how it affects the relationship satisfaction levels. I this theory holds true then the relationships with more social interests and online social media will have the better relationship, and whoever has the least amount of social communications and similar platforms will have the worse relationship.

In conclusion I stand firm in saying that Long DIstance Dating Relationships don’t work. When people are separated from their significant other by such a large distance it’s considered an LDDR’s and this leads to lack of trust. It also makes the couple feel like they cant have any uncertainty because everything needs to be planned out when they meet and they can’t just do something like watch movies and chill because that too mundane and a “waste of time”. There’s also a lack of spontaneity, they can’t just pop up on each other, and do something random. They do not have the ability to just go see one another because of the distance. There is no definite way to know for sure if LDDR’s work but through my research I have found evidence that backs it up.

Works Cited:

1. Acedera, Kristel Anne, and Brenda S. A. Yeoh. “Facebook, Long-Distance Marriages, and the Mediation of Intimacies.” International Journal of Communication, vol. 12, Jan. 2018, pp. 4123–4142. EBSCOhost,
2. Griffin, Emory A., et al. A First Look at Communication Theory. McGraw-Hill Education, 2019.
3. Johnson, Amy, et al. “College Students’ Use of Email to Maintain Long Distance and Geographically Close Interpersonal Relationships.” Conference Papers — International Communication Association, 2007 Annual Meeting 2007, p. 1. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cms&AN=26949877&site=ehost-live.
4. Sahlstein, Erin M. “Making Plans: Praxis Strategies for Negotiating Uncertainty–Certainty in Long-Distance Relationships.” Western Journal of Communication, vol. 70, no. 2, Apr. 2006, pp. 147–165. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10570310600710042.
5. Wang, Hua, and Peter Andersen. “Computer-Mediated Communication in Relationship Maintenance: An Examination of Self-Disclosure in Long-Distance Friendships.” Conference Papers — International Communication Association, 2007 Annual Meeting 2007, p. 1. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cms&AN=26949912&site=ehost-live.

When someone hears the word love, images flood the mind of Shakespearian tragic tales, star crossed lovers; from moments of happy little accidents and fate, to first kisses and fairy-tale princess endings. Never until now, have we thought to add swiping left or right, ticking ‘yes’ or ‘no’, entering one’s requirements as a means to finding your true love. It sounds as much of a paradox as arranged marriages. Internet dating to me to seems to be unsafe, unproductive and just not how the ways of love work. Call me a romantic, but there is a part of me that holds onto the belief of fate and destiny; that for every one person, there is one true love and the love and loss and hurt and heartache are all, just a matter of process in our pursuit of finding our one.

Living in our generation, I am the first to understand that dating has changed since its creation. It once consisted of first date proposals and fathers making deals with other fathers about whom their daughters will marry. One has to ask why this, if it were so simple, if love could be so easily achieved in this way, why do these practices not still take place?

To understand dating, one has to understand courtship. Yes, it is a process. It takes time, effort, quite a lot of vulnerability, often many tears and commitment. Falling in love means we have to expose our feelings and share our very flaws with someone else. It is risky. If I could find a way that would mean I could shortcut that process, protect myself from any rejection and hurt, find someone who liked what I liked – wouldn’t that be the way to go? I can see the appeal and so the very process of dating began transforming.

In a world where single people often have little time to socialize and find it hard to meet like-minded people, the Internet has provided a link to the world of dating and romance. Technology has attempted to make dating easier. It is my opinion that online dating has only proved to be more unsafe, and that all of the really hard emotional ‘trauma’ that dating brings, will inevitably eventually happen when the time comes to meet that ideal online match.

We live in a dangerous world and online dating has become is a goldmine for predators where people try to lure you in and take advantage of you. The online term is ‘catfish’, which means a person who lures someone into a relationship by creating and pretending to be someone or something that they are not.

Imagine dating or talking to someone who can look completely different to their online picture. There is no normal face to face ‘first date’ where you meet and get a feel or instinct about the person. Often online dating means you ‘date’ for months before even suggesting to meet. There is no way to monitor this as it is purely down to human judgment and experience. These lies could be as innocent as adding one or 2 inches to their height. On the other hand, they could be as dangerous as lying about their relationship status. Greg Hodge, CEO of Huffost reveals that approximately 53% of dating profiles are exaggerated in one form or another.

Internet dating can provide individuals with access to many more potential partners than they often find in their daily lives. This is especially true for individuals interested in partners of a particular type, orientation, lifestyle, or in isolated areas. It is increasingly hard to find ‘safe opportunities’ to connect socially. Especially for the mid 20’s upwards when going to clubs and parties is no longer their lifestyle.

Many online dating sites offer various types of personality testing and matching. Such matching can help guide individuals toward dating partners who may be more compatible. Matching is a difficult process and testing may not be accurate for everyone. In addition, people may present differently in person or change over time. So, matching may overlook potentially good partners in the process.

It is sadly so unproductive and removed from the original intention to use technology to find the perfect one in that there are now dating sites developed for married men and women who wish to cheat. The dating website called Ashley Madison is for married couples wanting to date other people. An even more alarming fact is that according to a report from Phactual, 10% of online dating users are sex offenders. Even more surprising is that approximately 25% of rapists are currently finding their victims on online dating websites. Every year there are approximately 100 murders and 16,000 abductions by online predators. I think it holds true for the saying that, if someone sounds too good to be true, they usually are.

For me, a real soulmate is about so much more than just liking the same things or doing the same things; being tall or short, an extrovert or an introvert- true love speaks about compromise. It is about being different and appreciating those differences for they make you who you are. It’s more about being imperfect than about being perfect. Technology can never replace the human touch, the glance from across a crowded room. The butterflies you feel when you see that person, and you can feel their love. Given all of the above, I therefore believe that Internet dating is unsafe and productive, and in some aspects even harmful.

Searching for true love is hard and the process of looking for someone compatible can be frustrating, lonely and overwhelming. By digitalising love, technology has made the process as convenient and efficient as possible, reducing the uncertainty an individual may face. Who knows, your next swipe might be your soulmate.

Living in this digital age, dating now serve as a means for people to connect and build relationships. Millions of relationship seekers are using popular dating apps such as Tinder, CoffeeMeetsBagel and OkCupid to find love. To enjoy the app features, these platforms require users to complete their profiles and share pictures of themselves. You are doomed to fail with an empty inbox if your profile depicts a mysterious John Doe.

Kaspersky Lab, a global cybersecurity company revealed that 13% of online daters disclosed that they share private data to their matches within minutes of conversing (2017). From a user’s perspective, sharing personal details is a harmless way to make a connection and help potential matches to assess compatibility. However, users failed to recognise that their transparency can make them vulnerable to cyberthreats and security breaches.

Love letter, blind dates and arranged marriages may be things of the past, but are the apps that have replaced them any better?

Objective

In this paper, we explore how privacy can be compromised in the online dating world, how individuals build trust on dating platforms, the consequences of oversharing and the safety strategies that individuals can adopt while using dating apps.

Privacy in Online Dating

Any kind of social media account entails a certain degree of privacy risks, but online dating is different as users are encouraged to share sensitive information publicly with people who are practically strangers.

Dating apps are leveraging on a fundamental phenomenon – we cannot feel the clouds of invisible data that is constantly surrounding us. “You are lured into giving away all this information,” says Luke Stark, a digital technology sociologist at Dartmouth University (Duportail, 2017).

To establish meaningful relations, many users get carried away with disclosing private information such as their current locations, sexual preferences, jobs, interests, religious beliefs, family and more, revealing too much about themselves to potential partners that they have never met in real life. Kaspersky Lab remarked that 15% of the respondents shared information they deemed to be “embarrassing” and 14% of them have sent nude photos to their matches (2017).

To maintain a certain level of privacy, users who were more wary of the dangers of online dating have strived to erect a barrier between their real identities and dating profiles. Such attempts were futile as photo recognition services like Google Image Search has made it effortless to re-identify photos, which can easily expose an individual’s identity (Culey, 2017).

At OkCupid, profiles are public by default and indexed by Google. If users were unaware of such settings, a casual search could bring random visitors, possibly even their managers and colleagues to their dating profiles, jeopardising their privacy.

Building Trust in Online Dating

Slight misrepresentations on dating app are prevalent as the users desired to make a good first impression. However, online daters do realised that they could only manipulate their image to a certain extent as blatant falsification will be exposed immediately once they take the relationship offline (Tidwell & Walther, 2002).

Research has illustrated that when we converse online, the power of anonymity and control we have over our online interactions facilitate the genuine expression of “our authentic self” (Krotoski, 2012). With authenticity, it helps online daters to gain the trust of their matches.

A universal skepticism people have about online dating is whether their potential love interest actually exists. To build trust and convince the other party that they are indeed a real person with genuine intentions, users are highly motivated to disclose intimate information to reduce uncertainty and verify their credibility.

Consequences

What will happen if the wealth of data that online daters have provided gets hacked or acquired by another organisation?

Oversharing could put online daters at risk of having their private data endangered by creeps, scammers and other cybercriminals. Personal Information could be used for blackmailing purposes, demanding money from victims in exchange for keeping their data or raunchy pictures private.

With online dating, users put themselves at risk of being lied to or catfished as well. Nearly 60% of the dating app interviewees were dishonest about their physical appearances by enhancing their looks through image editing. (Toma et al., 2008). Innocent online daters might fall into romance traps set by cat phishers who capitalise on emotional triggers to get users to send them money or gifts.

Billy, a 25 year old technician was involved in a romance-related scam. Within minutes of conversing with a beautiful model, their messages became sexual and the model saved screenshots of their cyber-sex session. The model demanded Billy for $800 to keep the pictures under wrap.

The sad reality is that similar incidents are happening globally. In USA, the Federal Trade Commission reported more than 21,000 online love scams, an alarming increase from 8,500 cases in 2015. These victims had a shared loss of $143 million in 2018. (Paul, 2019).

Dating apps are fun ways for people to connect with each other, but interacting with strangers online could put individuals at high risk of suffering from the consequences mentioned above.

To protect yourself, take time to know the other party and not appear to be too eager. A crook will exploit your desperation to make a connection. As cliché as it sounds, play hard to get and stay mysterious. It is important to be alert and look out for tell-tale signs such as a “too good to be true” matches or people who shower you with loving words even before the first meetup.

Laurie Davie, a relationship coach suggests for users not to put too much information on their dating profiles and to Google themselves regularly (Enochs, 2016). By searching yourself online, you know what personal information is online and you have the power to control what details is made available to maintain privacy. It is really easy for others to use Google Image to search for your social media accounts, which gives possible criminals access to personal information of you and your beloved ones. By using different pictures for your dating profiles or unlinking your social media to your dating apps can create safer online dating experiences.

Users must pay attention to the geography settings in their dating apps too. It would be sensible to turn off the GPS function to prevent others from knowing your current location. This would minimise the chances of dealing with creepers and stalkers who can disrupt your daily life.

Conclusion

Online dating is becoming the most common method of starting a relationship. As dating apps and sites are getting popular, the problem of losing privacy arises. Online daters are encouraged to share their personal information such as their location, job, political affiliation and more so as to increase the probability of them finding a partner who has a similar interest. To build trust with their potential partners, some users may be too eager in disclosing highly private information, which makes them vulnerable to creeps and scammers. Oversharing can lead to users being taken advantage of, where they get cheated by fraudsters and have their adoration trampled upon. Users have to protect themselves to avoid the nightmares of online dating.

Introduction

In this social media age, almost every entity depends on social media for marketing purposes. People buy and sell things on social media, get information about anything and also remain connected with distant relatives and friends through social media platforms. But there is one thing that makes me curious is – finding love through social media. There are many online dating apps as well sites which help people find someone according to their requirements. In earlier times, people used to depend on their networks to find their love or they used to meet people through things that are happening in their lives. In today’s world, people are more dependent on internet speed that run the apps and also the Algorithms that determine their mates. It seems that machine learning algorithms know a person better than everyone around him and thus can make life changing decisions for him as well. The reason behind this trust might be the fact that a machine learning model can learn from the experiences of billions of people whereas a typical person can learn only from his own experience and the small group of people surrounding him [1].

The dating companies can be divided into two categories: One which makes the users fill out long questionnaires asking them about all their likes and dislikes and then finding the matches depending on compatibility. For example- websites like OkCupid, eHarmony etc., second are the websites which ask permission to link their site to one’s social media account. For example- Tinder, Bumble etc. Traditional matchmaking included browsing through hundreds of profiles of potential matches which are again fetched from networks of known people. It also included hours of in-person dates because many insights cannot be derived by meeting a person only once. Compatibility signals can be easily missed if humans are involved in the choosing process, but machine learning algorithms consider not only the compatibility signals but also the sentiments in communication, response times and the length of profiles [1]. However, it seems that the dating sites depend massively on the data that they are provided. If the questions are not answered honestly then the decisions made by the algorithms might be at fault as well. Some of the most popular dating apps with their special features are as below:

Badoo

Badoo is an online dating app based in London. It used AI and facial recognition technology to find dates who match to anyone that the user likes- be it someone that the user knows or be it the favorite celebrity of the user. The app finds lookalikes from among its millions of users if the user uploads any picture. This app also helps celebrities become most searched because of the dubbed Lookalikes feature.

Loveflutter

Loveflutter is a British dating app which helps in organizing first dates by collaborating with Foursquare, an app that helps smartphone users find nearby restaurants, bars and clubs [2]. It has been helping people get destressed by helping them to plan the most stressful first dates. Loveflutter also plans to use AI by analyzing the chats between two people and determining the compatibility and also suggest the appropriate time to meet.

AIMM

AIMM is a voice operated dating app. As soon as a user opens the app, a voice asks questions about the user about his likes and dislikes. Depending on the compatibility among options in its database, it provides the user with a number of matches. When the user selects a match, then the app tells the user details about the match. It also helps set up the first call between the user and the match. Furthermore, the app provides the user with advice regarding handling the first dates as well.

Bumble

Bumble is a women oriented and location based dating app. In heterosexual matches, only the female users can make the first move while in same sex matches, either user can make the first move. As we are aware that women have to face a lot of weird experience on dating sights, this app lets women decide who they want to talk to. Furthermore, it also helps guys by pushing aside the gender norms and letting women break the ice and start the conversation.

Technical reflection

Studies show that relationships basically depend on three things-individual characteristics, quality of interaction and surrounding circumstances [3]. This fact already makes it difficult for technology to find the perfect match as the technology can never account for the future circumstances or the way one would hit-off with a person. The most common technologies used in online dating apps and sites are detailed profiles, proprietary matching algorithms and a tightly controlled communications process [4]. They actually run on a mixture of technologies like science (sometimes it is better called as pseudoscience), alchemy and marketing. Online dating apps and sites are actually machines to reap millions from the Web and they are in fact big business. These sites and apps combine large databases of its users with business intelligence, psychological profiling, matching algorithms and a number of communication technologies to pair up the singles with a mate or turn the one-time visitors of the sites to their monthly subscribers. Tinder uses algorithms based on swiping behavior to find people whom users find desirable. OkCupid lets users rate how important are certain data points to them so that that they can match these data points with the potential matches when calculating the match percentage in spite of the fact that humans are notoriously bad at rating about their choices. The matching algorithms generally use Cosine Similarity or TF-IDF to find the perfect matches. But as we are aware that the matters of the human heart are complex and cannot be easily predicted. These apps and sites might attempt to use new algorithms but there is also not enough data to account for the diversity of possible outcomes [3].Although these match finding algorithms might not work out in all instances, but still online dating is supposed to be a useful tool.

Ethical reflection

The base of a relationship is honesty and trust and these characteristics can be earned only on the foundation of truthfulness. Both the partners are expected to be truthful in a relationship which cannot be guaranteed in case of online dating because majority of the people lie about their marital status for instance. The pictures, interests etc., are also manipulated and lied about most of the times. Recently one of my friends went on a date with a very interesting guy who had mentioned on Bumble that he has a very successful business. Later on, she came to know that he was actually a male escort. Although the job profile was not a lie but the perspective and context was totally unexpected. In this social media and digital age, there are certain sensitive areas if a person wants to online date ethically. Firstly, whenever they find the match, a person tends to browse the social media to find out info about the match. Although this area looks harmless enough, yet there is possibility of interference of personal space and also one can save time by not digging up info like criminal records. Furthermore, studies show that 1 in 4 rapists found victims through online dating sites [5].Secondly, if the relationship does not work out then still browsing the Web about the match to find out how they are coping up with the break up. In other words, people try to make the Web a crystal ball rather than a search engine. Someone has truly said that staying away from your ex on social media is like sticking to a diet, the temptations of which we can resist at times and at other times, we just give up [5]. Thirdly, exhibiting bitter reactions of the failed relationship on blogs as well as social media sites. The three main actions that force a person to leak private info on social media are lying, cheating or dumping. Although these seem like emotionally charges actions, but they act as a catalyst in violating someone’s privacy.

Law reflection

These online dating apps and sites generally makes the user go through long elaborate questionnaires in order to find their matches. Since these sites don’t have any verification process for all the details entered by the user, there is a lot of room to break the law. Majority of the users might be honest and are in true search for an honest partner but online dating also has the scope to having exactly the opposite of whatever the user has on mind [6]. Some of the actions might also lead to criminal acts like prostitution, online sex crimes, preying on minors, cyberstalking, etc. There does exist certain prudent steps that can be taken in order to avoid any sort of criminal acts when indulging in online dating. Firstly, users should avoid sexting by sending or receiving explicit images by phone. If the user is a minor then it is a crime that comes with unimaginable penalties. Also, there is no way to verify the age of the users and hence avoiding sexting will save one from trafficking with child pornography. Secondly, cyberstalking is a serious crime and it comes with massive fines as well as restraining orders. It should be understood that if a person says no then it should be acknowledged and honored. As far as online crimes are concerned, the trails of conversations and correspondence are pulled out and analyzed whenever a user is charged for any crime relating to it. Nevertheless, the intention does count but still cautiousness has to be kept in mind when it comes to online dating.

Conclusion

Online dating is a wonderful platform to meet new people and find perfect matches but at the same time, one has to be very careful while dealing with it. This form of dating is totally dependent on the smart devices and the digital and social media platforms. In earlier times, people used to say a lot about love and friendship. German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said that the society was heading towards a world without meaning, morals and values [7]. These dating apps prove that selecting a partner or a match is possible in nanoseconds now that too only by swiping of a finger. Instinctive judgements in people are also misleading as they do not even think before saying ‘Yes’ or ‘no’. The people do not even read the terms and conditions of these dating apps before agreeing to them. One of the most popular criminal usage of online dating is catfishing which can be defined by luring the victim in a relationship based on the attacker’s online persona. These attackers make the victims send money, gifts, etc. To them by feeding them problems about his/her family or health. The ‘Ashley Madison’ case of 2015, exposed married cheaters all over the world. Many users of this app were blackmailed by the hacker asking for billions of dollars in return of their info in the site. Although such instances are horrifying yet there are stories of people meeting their spouses through online dating as well. It can be concluded that although online dating has many pros and cons, technically, legally and ethically yet it opens up new choices, more relationships and more socializing in the society.

The Internet has taken over the world and has revolutionized many different aspects of society this includes the dating industry. Looking throughout history, dating has taken many forms depending on the era. We have evolved from formal courtships to meeting potential lifelong partners via an online site or dating app. The Internet has made it possible to meet someone new within a matter of hours as long as you and the person on the other end both swipe right.

The evolution of dating

It may be hard for some to believe but not long ago dating was much more formal. Dating known as ‘courtship’ and was typically arranged by two families. The sole purpose of said courtship was to evaluate whether, two people were compatible enough to be married. This practice is no longer as common in Western culture but it can still be found in places like India. Nowadays, many people have met their significant other in places such as the workplace, at a bar or through mutual friends. However, when all those options fail, there is one more alternative that we can all turn too and that is the Internet. You can meet new people via social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. However, if you are looking specifically for a potential partner or a one-night stand you may use dating apps such as Tinder or OkCupid. Social media and dating apps have allowed individuals to meet & connect with people in their local area or to make and maintain connections from all around the world without a moments delay. You can be living in the UK and find your potential spouse half way around the world by simply using sites available online. The Internet has made it more convenient than ever to find the person that you are looking for. You can use the Internet to find your Mr. or Mrs. Right or to find Mr. or Mrs. Right Now. The possibilities are endless. The dating industry, thanks to the Internet has evolved into much more than just dating. The websites and apps can be used to find new friends and casual hook-ups. It is a space that has allowed us to make more meaningful connections in a shorter amount of time. Moreover, if you are not someone who likes to go out on the town to meet people, the Internet allows you to make connections without leaving your home. The Internet allows you to get to know someone before you ever meet him or her face-to-face. While dating online may have some drawbacks, there are definitely many advantages to this modern method.

The positives and negatives of the Internet & dating

The Internet has definitely made dating and meeting new people more convenient. You have the ability to connect with people at just the touch of a fingertip. You are able to find out everything about a person, before chatting with them or meeting them in real life. Individuals online are very open and quick to share information. It is very common to share our age, gender, location, interests and photos on Internet sites. While the Internet has given us access to information about a person, it is difficult to discern what is real and what is fake. The Internet allows us to hide behind a screen. We are given the power to show the parts of ourselves that we like, or will gain us positive attention, meanwhile hiding or modifying the rest. Another challenge that the Internet offers when it comes to dating is that our personality online may be very different from our personality in real life. This difference in personality may result in individuals lacking social skills to carry over their online connection to real life. Another benefit is the Internet offers you an endless pool of choices. You can connect with anyone in the world. You have the ability to connect based on many different types of commonalities. The Internet has influenced dating so heavily that now it is becoming a part of different categories in pop culture. Online dating is analyzed or referenced in different TV shows, movies and documentary series. Furthermore, many blogs, magazines and podcasts now offer tips on how to navigate dating sites / apps.

Dating, the Internet and pop culture

The Internet has revolutionized how we date in 2020 but this has also trickled down into pop culture. Many popular reality television shows have become inspired by this modern notion of online dating. One reality TV show called 90 day fiancé has become a guilty pleasure for many because it shows cross-border couples that usually meet online trying to combine their lives and make things work.

Another popular TV show that is focused more directly on online dating is Catfish. The hosts of this show focus on helping people figure out whether their online relationship is real or fake. One common problem the hosts of this show encounter is people refusing to meet their online matches in real life. In most cases the individual who refuses to meet in real life or cancels plans last minute is hiding something or has given false information online. When this hidden or fake information is exposed in can in many cases lead to the end of an online connection. This show highlights many issues when it comes to the online dating.

The Internet and dating have become very intertwined and it is hard to pin point as to when and how. Modern technology has forever changed how we form new connections and how we communicate with each other on a daily basis. If you are looking for convenience and endless options then online dating may be for you. However, there is no guarantee whether dating online is safe and whether this method will help you find love. Regardless of whether you choose to start online dating, it is important be aware of the benefits and the pitfalls of online dating.

Abstract

This paper examines over fifteen published articles that report on teen dating violence and computer mediated communication. This paper explores research conducted on teen dating violence, cyberbullying and cell phone use to evaluate how the availability and ease of constant communication in this new digital age influences teen dating violence. Many of the studies examined used surveys of teens in American public schools to look at how electronic communication, cyber bullying, and digital lifestyle play a role in teen dating violence. Debnam, K. J., Johnson, S. L., & Bradshaw, C. P. (2014) found that twenty-three percent of students feel that teen dating violence is a problem in their school. Stonard, K. E., Bowen, E., Walker, K., & Price, S. A. (2017). and Dick, R. N., McCauley, H. L., Jones, K. A., Tancredi, D. J., Goldstein, S., Blackburn, S., et al. (2014) established that cyber dating co-occurs with teen dating violence and is commonly associated with teen dating violence, and one-half of persons that are cyber dating are also victims of physical abuse. In contrast, Korchmaros, J. D., Ybarra, M. L., Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J., Boyd, d., & Lenhart, A. (2013) found that eight-two percent of perpetrators of physical teen dating violence used long standing methods of communication not digital communication methods, such as cell phones, but that computer mediated communication, like social media sites and cell phone use, perpetuates teen dating violence by allowing for easy sharing of information resulting in re-victimization. Korchmaros et. al., (2013) and MacPherson, S., Brown, E. C., Herold, B., & Narayan, A. (2018), agree that more research is needed to understand how digital communication, such as cell phones that are available to teens twenty-four hours a day, relates to teen dating violence. Research in this area can aid in the development of provider, parent, and school education on teen dating violence and on prevention.

Teen Dating Violence: the Digital Age

Cell phones are part of everyone’s daily routine, and they are not just phones, they are mobile computing units with the power of the average personal computer. This burst of electronic technology has created a new environment for social interaction among the youth of today. Examination of research articles related to cyberbullying, teen dating violence, and the use of cell phones in teenagers and behaviors that put teens at risk for violence, will aid in the understanding of teen dating violence and the effect cell phone use has on teen dating violence. Ninety-percent of teens report using social media daily, while twenty-five percent report constant use throughout the day (Wellman, Reddington, & Clark, 2017). Young, A. M., Grey, M., & Boyd, C. J. (2009) found that that fifty percent of high school students report an assault in school. Martinez-Pecino, R., & Durán, M. (2019) found that the execution of cyberbullying in dating relationships through mobile phone use last year was 47.8%. In the current age of social media, constant contact, and computers at our fingertips, peers and predators have immediate and constant access to our teens unlike ever before. Is this constant, unlimited access that cell phones allow, putting our teens at greater risk of dating violence?

Literature Review

Teen dating violence is often studied separately from bullying, but several studies focused on the relationship bullying has to teen dating violence. Debnam, K. J., Johnson, S. L., & Bradshaw, C. P. (2014) found that students that had been bullied had more concerns about teen dating violence. Debnam et al., (2014) and Vivolo‐Kantor, A. M., Olsen, E. O., & Bacon, S. (2016), both found that when students perceive a school is unsafe, they are more worried about teen dating violence.

Zweig, J. M., Dank, M., Yahner, J., & Lachman, P. (2013) research study of 3, 745 students expanded across three states, aimed to further the insight into teen dating violence by examining the use of technology and its influence on cyberbullying and cyber dating abuse. They found that there is a high degree of overlap between sexual, non-sexual, and other forms of dating violence with cyber bullying. In contrast, Cutbush, S., Williams, J., & Miller, S. (2016) quasi-experimental longitudinal evaluation design compared schools from racially and geographically diverse cities across the country over two years examining the relationship of bullying to teen dating violence. They found that bullying for boys was not related to teen dating violence and that bullying for both boys and girls was related to perception of gender roles and functions independently of other aggressive behaviors. There were significant findings including that bullying in girls in middle school was related to teen dating violence in later adolescence and prevention education should be conducted in younger years. This study, along with low participation rates and the concern that self-reported aggression may be underreported, may also be out of date due to changes in technology and electronic communication.

Mobile phones functions and use increases daily, as does their influence on teenager’s social lives and relationships. Today’s youths’ social world and daily activities revolve around cell phones, watching and creating videos, and connecting to one another on social media (Zweig et. al, 2013). Yahner, J., Dank, M., Zweig, J. M., & Lachman, P. (2015) cross-sectional study of 5, 647 youth from 10 different schools examined the overlap of teen dating violence, bullying and victimization related to physical, psychological abuse, and digitally perpetrated abuse. They found that over half of perpetrators of cyber bulling also carry out dating violence. They theorized based on their research findings that that once youth recognized the ease of anonymity that cyber abuse allows, they find it an acceptable tool to use. Temple, J. R., Choi, H. J., Brem, M., Wolford-Clevenger, C., Stuart, G. L., Peskin, M. F., & Elmquist, J. (2016) research aimed to examine the relationship of traditional abuse and cyber abuse over time. Their results correlate with Zweig et al. (2013) and Yahner et al. (2015) findings that cyber dating abuse and physical abuse are related concurrently, and that cyber abuse may be a form or psychological abuse. These studies were limited to surveys, with limited geographical location and reliance on self-reported information but found that cyber abuse is reciprocal and related to physical abuse, but that psychological abuse does not directly lead to cyber abuse. Reed, L. A., Tolman, R. M., & Ward, L. M. (2016) also found that digital dating victimization was reciprocal and that victims also were perpetrators and that there is a strong correlation between digital dating abuse and physical, psychological and sexual abuse in teen dating relationships. In contrast to Zweig et al., (2013) but in line with Reed et. al, (2016), Dick, R. N., McCauley, H. L., Jones, K. A., Tancredi, D. J., Goldstein, S., Blackburn, S., et al. (2014) in their research study based in adolescent clinic based sample of teens 14-19 seeking care found that cyber dating abuse is common and associated with teen dating abuse and sexual assault. Reed et al. (2016) proved that there is a strong correlation between digital dating abuse and physical, psychological and sexual abuse in teen dating relationships.

Social media provides an easily accessible platform for communication, providing constant access to children and teens that has not been available in the past. Teens can choose to display personal information publically to a wide audience. Teens also can explore feelings openly, communicating with unknown but similar adolescents, but certain online behaviors put teens at risk for abuse. One half of teens in Temple, van den Berg, Vi Donna Le, McElhany and Temple (2012) reported having been asked to send nude photographs while one in four students were found to have sent a nude picture. The display of sexual content online increases a teenager’s risk of online victimization (Brown, Keller, Stern, 2009). Temple et.al (2012) found that teens are sending naked photos and teens that participated in sexting were at a higher risk of sexual intercourse and risky sexual behavior. Holt, M., Espelage, D., Van Ryzin, M., & Bowman, C. (2018) connected a higher rate of cyberbullying victimization to students who had sex under the influence and sex with more than four partners, linking teen dating violence with sexual risk-taking behaviors.

In the 1970’s most adolescent assaults were committed by a boyfriend or date whereas Young, A. M., Grey, M., & Boyd, C. J. (2009) found that currently only fifteen percent of adolescent acquaintance assault is committed by a boyfriend , reflecting the change in trends related to youth relationships. Fast paced methods of communication such as social networking, video chat, instant messenger, are redefining teens social network. Stonard, K. E., Bowen, E., Walker, K., & Price, S. A. (2017) used focus groups to collect data and examine the use of electronic communication. Teens in the study described written communication as “staying with you” throughout the day and being able to be replayed. If abusive messages were received, the victim would be able to replay the messages over and over again. The results from Stonard et al., (2017) study correlate with Korchmaros, J. D., Ybarra, M. L., Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J., Boyd, d., & Lenhart, A. (2013) who found that computer mediated communication can be easily shared and allows for re-victimization. Teens also expressed feeling the messages in digital form were more concrete then spoken words. Teens in the study discussed the positive impact of electronic communication on a developing relationship and in maintaining a relationship but were able to acknowledge that it could be used for unhealthy and controlling behaviors. Younger teens expressed more depression and anxiety related to electronic communication with a partner, and electronic communication amplified anxiety and frustration for partners. Zweig, J. M., Lachman, P., Yahner, J., & Dank, M. (2014) proved that with the same sample group as Zweig et al., (2013) cyber dating abuse was associated more with females, depression, anger, hostility, and delinquency then other types of dating violence.

Korchmaros et. al, (2013) study used a national sample of youth with a history of dating. They found that the perpetration of psychological teen dating violence uses computer mediated communication as an extension of long-standing methods of communication. Perpetrators use text messaging three times more frequently for psychological teen dating violence because they have continuous access to texting. Computer based behavior, such as texting, can be more easily shared with others, has greater visibility and facilitates opportunities for re-victimization (Korchmaros et al., 2013). In a retrospective chart review study conducted by MacPherson, S., Brown, E. C., Herold, B., & Narayan, A. (2018) established that cell phone use, texting and talk functions, were the most common devices used by perpetrators of sexual assault to contact their victims. Reed, L. A., Tolman, R. M., & Ward, L. M. (2016) noted that digital media has changed how relationship boundaries are negotiated and when a conflict already exists removes physical violence and may be safer in some circumstances, but that it also leads to repeated pattern of abuse. These behaviors may be more harmful, such as pressuring partners to take nude photos on a cell phone and threatening to distribute embarrassing information. Van Ouytsel, J., Ponnet, K., & Walrave, M. (2018) survey study of 1,187 secondary school students found that access to social media using smartphones and mobile data plans allowed offenders to have access to victims without supervision by guardians and also allows the offender to contact the victim anytime throughout the day and night. Smartphones are not shared by family members like other computer devices such as laptops or tablets and therefore are less supervised by parents or guardians (Van Ouytsel, 2018). Elizabeth Whittaker & Robin M. Kowalski (2015) also found social media and texting to be the most common venue for cyberbullying and that comments directed by peers toward peers were most negatively perceived. Whittaker and Kowalski (2015) also stated that electronic communication is changing at a rapid pace and how cyberbullying is carried out also changes as the times change.

Discussion

In 2014, Yahner et al., stated that half of cyber bullies executed dating violence. Cyber dating violence/cyberbullying leads to physiological, physical and sexual violence, therefore allowing teen’s continuous access to cell phones with internet, social networking and text messaging puts them at constant risk of violence. This statement is largely supported by the aforesaid discussion of research.

Limitations of These Studies

Discrepancies in the research may be largely related to study design. Most of the studies were conducted through surveys and those that were not survey studies were case studies, chart review, or focus groups, relying on self-reported information. Limitations to this study design will be discussed in further detail below.

Technological limitations. Overestimation or underestimation of accounts of violence, related to recall error or due to misinterpretation of accidental harm due to study design (Zweig et al., 2013). Young et al., (2009) cited limited space for questions and only single-item indicators used to assess teen dating violence victimization types and other violence related experiences and behaviors at school. Young et al. in 2009 collected data in a cross-sectional study, and provided only an indication of associations between TDV and the selected health risk behaviors.

Demographic limitations. Small sample size and physical locations were limiting to each of these studies. Results from these studies were only generalizable and not reprehensive to all geographical and racial teens in this age group (Vivolo-Kantor et al., 2016).

Modality limitations. Results may be skewed passed on self-reporting, students may report more victimization over their own violent behaviors due to the pressure of social norms and social desirability (Zweig et al., 2013). Small study size and geographical location limits the results to other areas and racial and social groups. Cross-sectional data provides only an indication of associated behaviors with then dating violence and only evaluates the selected health risks (Young et. al., 2009). Due to the fast and ever-changing technological advances, teen use and daily reliance on cell phones changes daily. Keeping up with these changes to allow for the study of their influence is a complex and constantly evolving.

Conclusion and Future Study

In order to gain a full understanding of how constant communication, having access to text, internet, social media and phone calls all day and night through mobile phones, puts teens at risk for dating violence, it is necessary to understand the risk factors associated with teen dating violence. The current research shows that cyberbullying is directly related to physical violence, females are at greater risk than males, and that there are online behaviors that put teens at greater risk of cyberbullying, digital dating abuse and teen dating violence.

With the constant changes in technology, social networking and ease and capacity of cell phone use, along with the availability and the use of cell phones by younger ages, monitoring and understanding the dangers of cell phone use and how to prevent teen dating violence is increasingly important for a broader age range. Technology is advancing rapidly, apps on phone change daily. More longitudinal studies are needed to evaluate the risk of social media to teens today. Intervention and prevention goals should aim to target multiple forms of abuse, such as teen dating violence and bullying to be effective and efficient, and education should begin in middle school, as research shows that bullying in middle school is related to teen dating violence in teen years. Education and prevention programs should be tailored to perpetrators and victims of cyber abuse, dating abuse, and bullying and should begin at younger ages as the age of cell phone users decreases.

Many researchers such as Lara Hallam, who has a PhD in Department of Communication Studies at University of Antwerp, where she works in relationship studies states that: “people have always used to used intermediaries such as mothers, friends, priests or tribe members to find a suitable partner”. Digital dating is defined as the use of technologies such as texting, video calls, social media networking and dating websites to find a suitable partner or relationship. With the evolution of digital multimedia that brought digital dating, more and more people use the online dating to find their soulmate. At the same time, many people are concerned by this new form of dating where all we need to make to meet somebody is a gadget such as a cellphone, tablet or a laptop to be able to communicate.

Those in favor of digital dating sees it as a necessity. In their view, it expands the social circle by meeting new people without going anywhere which also gives more opportunity to meet someone who may be your soulmate. For example, those dating websites organize events and activities for people to meet and develop a friendship. This kind of dating comparing to the traditional dating, increases the marriage rate because more people are connected to those dating websites; therefore, there is more chance to find your partner. Digital dating, they say improve dating skills. It helps to know how to talk to a women or man before to meet in person by practicing many times with different person online.

On the other hand, critics of digital dating attest that digital dating is for pathetic and older people; and also, it is dangerous. They say it is for older people because only an older person will hide himself behind a screen to connect with another person. The identification of the pathetic and dangerous aspect of the digital dating is the fact people have to hide themselves behind a screen instead of confronting the persons they would like to meet in person. For example, male or female who fall in love of somebody that they have never met before and start a virtual relationship before deciding to meet; it is insane and sad. People get their heart broken.

They even worry that it may lead to a digital dating abuse which is the use of technologies to be abused, stalked, intimidated, scammed, bullied or harassed. It is more often an emotional or verbal abuse that happened online.

Remarkably, those both sides of this exchange of view agree that digital dating does not replace the traditional dating. It is a dating without the use of technology; all is done in person or by a third parties such as priest, family or friend. Digital dating and traditional dating are complementary because digital dating starts online and ends in person as traditional dating. A digital dating becomes a desperation when people do not want to step into out of the screen zone life to meet the person they met in real life; but they prefer to hide themselves behind the screen. They are very complexed and underestimate themselves. However, it is a necessity for those who explore anther ways of dating in order to find their soulmate; and are not afraid to meet the person in the real life. It is just an ordinary way to meet people for them.

I agree that we should not categorize the digital dating as a bad idea because of finding love. In contrary, we should accept it as one of the efficient ways to meet people because the place occupied by the technology today in the world. We should not underestimate this kind of dating because Everything is now via internet either for friendship, love or even business partnership. It is stress free and easy.

The main point of this discussion, I think, is to know that despite his advantages and inconvenient, digital dating is not harmful to anybody. It is up to people to be careful in what they are doing online. She mentions: “Just be cautious. Be smart and careful about what information you post, who you give your personal contact information to, and where and when you meet someone for the first time”. There is nothing to lose by trying the digital dating. No one knows where he will find his soulmate; so, it is better to try instead of condemned it.

I am fortunate to know many people who have been using the digital dating; and who at the end found love. There are married and have their family. There are even some Christian dating websites as well. I am certain that I would not eliminate digital dating as a way to find a soulmate because we never know where we will find love.

If we agree that love can be found anywhere, then we can find a way to reconcile the two points of view on this subject. Digital dating should not be seen as for pathetic, older or even for desperate people. We must forget the fact that digital dating as a positive aspect; people find love and live happy.

Works Cited

1. Merkle, Erich R., and Rhonda A. Richardson. “Digital Dating and Virtual Relating: Conceptualizing Computer Mediated Romantic Relationships.” Family Relations, vol. 49, no. 2, 2000, pp. 187–192. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/585815.
2. Hobbs, Mitchell, et al. “Liquid Love? Dating Apps, Sex, Relationships and the Digital Transformation of Intimacy.” Journal of Sociology, vol. 53, no. 2, June 2017, pp. 271–284, doi:10.1177/1440783316662718.