hey, Please fix the following word document following the feedback I was given b
hey, Please fix the following word document following the feedback I was given by my peers, also follow the rubric that I will provide in order to better the paper
feedback:
peer #1: 1. The format of you justification is very clean and organized. Your topic is very controversial and interesting! In terms of content and development, I strongly recommend you to not guide the reader with the subtopics such as intro, outcome (I,II, and II) and so on. 2. The introduction is missing some more background information so that the reader has a more explained introduction to the policy. I suggest you work on the organization of the paragraphs. For example, try to put the theses in the first or second sentence of the introduction. I also recommend you use some attention gathered so that the reader involves with your topic. You can use some statistics data or percentage related to shooting. 3. You did a good job explain the outcomes of your policy; however, you should expand your information a little bit more. So, you can give the reader a more in-depth background about your topic. Also, the connections between your policy and the in-text-citations are well developed, they just need a little be more explanation. 4. The use of appropriate connectors between sentences/ ideas will make your writing look more appropriate for the audience. Also, you are missing more in-text-citations so that your information does not look vague or made up. You need to convince the audience with your ideas, so you need to provide justification for all of them, so these are supported by real studies. 5. Your in-text-citations are well performed, as I mentioned, you just need to work a little bit more on the connections with your ideas and the articles cited. 6. Overall, you did a good job. The structure you worked on is very clean and organized. You just need to emphasize on those little mistakes so you can ha a great paper!
peer #2: To begin I thought that your paper was formatted beautifully. Also the topic of your paper is one of great importance and one of much discussion, so I admire that you would take it on. Your references and length of your essay were also adequate. Content & development : Your introduction made it clear where main focuses of your paper would be and also gave the reader (myself) a very valid reason for the paper important. The thesis is very well developed, and introduction very well written. However I would try to add more in depth context on the relationship between hormones and chronic stress caused by the fear of these mass shooting. Your conclusion also summarizes your two points very well however you never state what the gun control policy is. Organization: as I said before your paper is very well organized. Your paper flows very nicely. All your sections are organized in logical manger and takes into account the topic at hand. You were not supposed to use 1.5 spacing so I would changed to 1.0 Language : your language is very clear and concise, but I see many repeating phrases through the paper. Grammar was on point. Each sentence are informative and convey the idea but some seem to be repetitive. Convection: not all your facts contain in text citations.
peer # 3: SUMMARY: I really liked just how dense and packed with information this was. There is very little wasted space here. The way you got your points and ideas across were very well. CONTENT AND DEVELOPMENT: I really love your title. Very simple and straight to the point. I personally also have some of the context as to how I would solve my issue in my title as I find it adds greater depth to it, but yours still works well. You have lots of outside information present which is great. It shows that there is lots being done when it comes to your topic and that you are bringing in and considering lots of opinions and facts. Your introduction is also very well put together with it getting your main goal across, but as well with lots of context and information. ORGANIZATION: Your thoughts and the overall flow is very well put together. The topics transition very well into each other. LANGUAGE: You use very little fluff and make good use of what you have written down. Everything you have written down serves a purpose and not just to fill out words. Great work! CONVENTIONS: Every time you use an idea that is not your own you give proper respect to the author which is great. Your formatting both for when you quote someone or for your citations are great and well formatted. CONCLUSIONS: Youve done very well with what you have. Really all I would suggust is even more detail and information, but Im sure you already plan on doing that. Great work!