Category: Being a Man

‘Boys don’t cry because they are strong’ is a line all of us heard since we were little kids. If that is right, being a man is easier than being a woman. But in reality, that line becomes a stigma when we are growing that actually makes men themselves also think they should be stronger than women, not only about physical strength, but in mental state as well, the society often treats them based on the line too. Here I have few reasons why being a man is harder than we used to think.

The first, it’s awkward to see a man cry, but not when a woman cry. Actually, there is an invisible cultural pressure to bottle up sadness for men than women, while crying is a normal response of body if you are feeling too emotional. Here the thing, men are expected to be emotionless, put an act of being tough all the time even when they are feeling insecure, and to be shy if they are feeling weak. They have been taught that feminine is the opposite of masculine, and because they want to be accepted by the other boys, they view feminine as a disgusted view. While human have both sides, the feminine and the masculine side, so they have a conflict with who they feel they are in their core and who the world tell them as men should be.

The second, a man needs to be braver than a woman. Back again to the line ‘Because boys are strong’, they feel the need to be braver than women. While fear is a common thing for human, everyone has their own fear Men should embrace it. That’s okay, but it doesn’t mean that’s okay to be scared of everything, we do need to learn to control the fear, that’s what all human do, not only men.

The third, a man is the one who needs to provide the money for his family. Actually, this point is starting to change, as many women now also have good positions at work. Money is not really the issue here, but it’s all about the society’s judgement: if men don’t have good positions at work, then they are not worth as men. While it’s about the couple’s agreement about the money and jobs, it is not how to value people’s worth.

The fourth, double standard of abuse. It’s surprising that nearly 1 of 4 men are being abused in relationships, but many of the victims are too afraid to talk, or when they talk about it, people around them not taking it seriously and laugh at the story. It’s a serious matter, while in Indonesia, boys have a bigger risk to be assaulted rather than girls as kids, and they suffer the traumas too.

In the end, men are human and they need to learn to be good humans. How? I believe the only way to learn to be good humans are to embrace the qualities that they were told are feminine in them, to be brave enough to be vulnerable, to ask for help when they need it, to be sensitive enough to cry when they are sad or happy, even though it makes them look weak. Maybe after all of that, the society will change their thinking about men.

In Paul Theroux’s essay ‘Being a Man’, he argues that there is a hole present between genders is the predominant cause of the social misfits that exist in our society. He moreover mentions that manhood itself has made some guys disown their very own identity. Theroux’s asserts that the whole thought of manhood in the United States is pitiful compare to others. The question of what makes a man a man has been referred to and been taught in many ways. Yet, we might also count on that there are ladies who are taking something from men. There are additionally those who believe that women are convincing guys to furnish it away. By this, men are left out in the world, looking out for answers.

In general, the definition of being a man retrains younger boys who select to stop up guys in the near future. They had been expected, with the aid of society, to make the legal guidelines that would supply order to our society. It was once stated that the world is a horrifying and in order to promote order and peace. They are in the requirement of men. However, that was once in the past. In contemporary American society, Paul’s describe a man as: “Be stupid, be unfeeling, obedient, soldiery and stop thinking”. Theroux’s himself describes his own as a kind of person who hates being a man. He believes that masculinity or being a man is oppressive, and that guys have to stay with for the rest of their lives. Presently, the roles of guys and girls in society are turning into extra challenging to differentiate.

Theroux believes that the idea of being manly is equals to an insult. Theroux argues that gender stereotyping makes guys feel more or less obligated to masculinity genuinely, as the way girl are obligated with their feminism. Theroux hates being a man because they don’t seem to be given that danger to enhance their career. He even blanketed his very personal journey to show this point. The careers that guys mostly pick out or look at consist of medicine, engineering and business. Many societies do now not mirror on consideration on arts as an occupation that want to be observed by men. Since Theroux himself pursued the arts, and has taken the route of writing, he asserts these human beings who have had nuisances about his career.

In his arguments, Paul made a lot of senses in my view as a reader. He proved his hypothesis through sharing experiences, and in that he used to be capable to convince me even for honestly a little. In general, what he wishes to show is that gender construct has made guys experience like they want to dislike their identity as a man, and in the process, rejecting the segment of their identity.

‘Being a Man’ is in actuality Paul Theroux’s thoughts about being a man himself. His foremost purpose is to give an explanation for that in the modern-day world, from time-to-time guys do not act like who they clearly are, they act extra manly to please society. Theroux’s regular message in ‘Being a Man’ is about gender roles in society.

Many people have very different perceptions of what it is to be a man. Since history began, different cultures have had different perspectives on how to be a man and what a man is. Our culture’s perspective toward masculinity and femininity is harming individuals and society at large. Men and women are struggling to stay true to themselves because it is shameful for them to express their emotions or to be different. Robert Augustus’ book ‘To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power’ explains how so many men cannot sustain intimate relationships of what he calls the “unholy triumvirate” of “unhealthy forms of shame, power, and sex”. The author expresses the need for men to deal with the disowned parts of themselves by facing their shadow. This is a great guide for the modern man to understand himself and his partner.

Men find themselves burdened with dissatisfaction, disconnection, and self-doubt. Robert Augustus has helped thousands of men work through such issues from facing their unresolved wounds of shame, to bringing their head, heart, and guts into full-blooded alignment. Because men and boys are constantly policing each other personal’s life each and every day, at such a young age men are not given the opportunity to develop and maintain a positive mental health. For example, if shown too much emotion, they are name called, sissy or a punk. Men are also told at a young age that the characteristics of fundamental being mentally healthy are feminized, and many men become increasingly disconnected from these characteristics as they grow older. Will men ever be able to find a way to express themselves without being told they are wrong or acting like a seven-year-old girl?

After, reading the book I explored numerous concepts of the guide to true masculine power. However, my favorite was how the author emphasized how individual’s past may be dominating their present. It is true to a large extent that one’s current life is the result of their past actions, choices and experiences. In fact, their future is determined by how they act in the present moment. In other words, a person’s past does not have to define them or their future. Despite the seriousness or the size of past mistakes, people should choose to look at them differently because their past cannot be changed; but can choose how to react to it.

The book ‘To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power’ was basically written not only to show what it is like to be a man, but also to provide a way to change the image of masculinity. I highly recommend men who are extremely motivated in becoming the best they can be to read this book. It holds an excellent resource for understanding the potential and sensitivity of the masculine image. Both good for men and women. This book is partly about taking responsibility for one’s sexuality, emotions, relationships, ambitions, and actions. For the purpose of developing greater self-awareness and interpersonal connections. By reading the book, individuals will be able to understand, discover, and embody true masculine power.

In our society, toxic masculinity is viewed as the traditional stereotypes that correlate men with strong physical attributes. By discussing toxic masculinity, people are made aware of the pressures put upon men and the detrimental effects it has on them later on. In the video ‘What It Is to Be a Man’ by Dr. George Belliveau, we are introduced to the idea of hypermasculinity and how it is enforced upon young boys. Dr. George Belliveau continues to explain the concepts of using theatre not only as a tool for social justice, but as a process of healing within yourself.

Dr. George Belliveau, through his fourth-year project, provided a space for veterans to tell their stories. The horror of war haunts war veterans in ways most people cannot fathom. He explains that when people are going through pain or trauma, they may not have a safe outlet to express themselves, therefore an outlet for many people is art. Dr. Belliveau gives people the opportunity to share their stories through art, and not just through the veteran’s project, but with his other projects with indigenous women and immigrants. He describes in detail the various practices used during the pre- and post-production process to ensure veterans are comfortable in sharing their story. For instance, having multiple therapists on stand by and always having resources available, even during performances.

The way Dr. George Belliveau explained that his father was one of the strongest individuals in his life. My grandfather was the strongest individual in mine. My grandpa served in the army for thirty-four years, he was a part of the Kargil War and hence was a war veteran himself. Upon being recruited, he was expected to be resilient and imperturbable. They are trained to perfection so that in no circumstances they appear vulnerable. What is troubling is that most soldiers go on to live their lives with this exact mindset. Two years ago, my grandpa was unfortunately diagnosed with coronary heart disease and therefore was forced to endure open-heart surgery. He recovered physically, but not mentally. For the first time in his life, he felt vulnerable and was forced to be dependent on others. As his granddaughter, it was hard to witness his struggle and deny aid, despite his needing it. Starting from a young age, boys are raised to grow up thinking it is shameful to show emotion. They grow up thinking they have to always be tough, therefore in their times of need they feel as though they can’t ask for help. The way my grandfather felt in his time of trouble is the way many men feel. Boys are taught to suppress their emotions, and it is important to teach young boys that showing emotion is not just a female characteristic. Dr. George Belliveau explained: “To be a man is to be strong, tough, and reserve one’s emotions. To be a man is not to open oneself up and be vulnerable in front of others”.

Growing up Dr. Belliveau was constantly pressured by the conventions of hyper-masculinity heavily enforced in his small New Brunswick community, as well as by his rigid, masculine father. Growing up Belliveau played hockey and was constantly surrounded by hockey culture and the hyper-masculinity associated with the sport. Belliveau made the switch to pursue theatre and gave up hockey completely. He specifically spoke about the contrast between the hockey locker room and the theatre fitting room, highlighting the difference in the culture and environment of the two. In his interview, Belliveau elaborated that with his castmates he was able to share intellectual conversations and ideas, which was absent amongst his hockey friends. For the first time, his perspective shifted; he saw people more insightfully, became more in touch with his emotions and was able to forge a deeper connection with himself.

Belliveau goes on to tell the story of how he lost his brother in a tragic climbing accident and how he struggled with the grieving process. During this tragic event, Belliveau saw a shift in his father’s stoic and traditionally ‘manly’ personality. He began to cry and displayed his vulnerability, which is something Belliveau had not been exposed to before. Dr. Belliveau’s father was the pillar of the family in this hard phase of their lives. Belliveau also saw this shift of ‘masculinity’ in his father’s interactions with his daughters; He would look at them sincerely, embrace them dearly, and begin to cry. Belliveau was able to see and experience a different side of his father. This is a common occurrence amongst individuals who are guarded and unable to express their emotions.

Often, people are shocked when men cry because they always seem guarded and unable to express emotion. Community’s perception of ‘what it means to be a man’ has evolved with time, but it is still a blur, as society still has views on what is and is not acceptable for people based on their assigned gender roles. A change is needed in the way we identify men and masculinity, and people like Dr. George Belliveau are working towards this change for the upliftment of society and bring to people an important truth: “Men do cry, and they laugh. In fact, they have a spectrum of emotions at their disposal. They just need the courage to act and release these emotions”.