The self – in all honesty, a very difficult one to describe, to talk about. It is really a quite long journey to understand the self, the real self – the open side, the inner self, the blind one, etc. Exactly, who am I? This is, perhaps, the question that is most common to be asked and the most difficult to answer, especially for those people who really struggle to describe and find the self, and, also for those who know themselves already.
The class started understanding the self by analyzing it from different perspectives and representations. Also, this includes some factors and influences that shape the self. Before taking part in an activity, I felt somehow nervous and worried because of what others may think of me. As a kickoff, through the Johari window activity, I, for the most part, learned more about myself and somehow validated other things about me, personally and by others. In this activity, I remember sharing things with a partner. I shared things that I am aware of, like my traits and my hobbies. Also, we also got to share the blind self, in which the rest of our classmates also took part of. This was the time when my partner, Ginger, witnessed raw, pure reactions such that we did not even expect those answers from our classmates. This was also a chance to get to know her side and my side more, which both of us found enjoyable. As the activity went along, I found it more and more interesting – it made me more curious about starting to unleash the self. After the activity, things became more open for me and I became more aware of what the people around me think about myself. These impressions made me think about myself more – well, some of them reflect who I really am. There’s this hidden self that I have not yet talked about. This activity, led me to the sociological view of the self, through William James and G.H. Meads. In the ‘I and Me’ concept, what others thought about me is related such that this concept serves as a collection of selves based on a social being, and of course, self-awareness. There was another activity called Life Narrative wherein we get to tell and recall the high points and low points in our lives as well as the positives and negatives that happened. It really felt surreal that I got to experience those significant points in my life. Positive and high points were experiences that were easy to remember. However, the negative ones and the low points are the ones that I would want to forget, not totally, and not talk about such that those were stuff that left a great impact in life, but it is fine for me that I got to share it with someone who understands and willing to learn more about myself – openness.
That was a kickstart already about the self. As we continued to unpack the self and understand it more and more, we got into the stage of adolescence. Yes, the bomb stage in our lives – a stage where we battle ourselves, a stage where we get confused, a stage where we get to experience a roller coaster of emotions and a lot of moods, a stage where we start to question ourselves, and a stage where we as well battle with our surroundings. I remember a Psychosocial Theory by Erik Erikson. In this theory, he talked mostly about stages and their basic conflicts. Yes, conflicts that will never be gone in our lives. Since I am in the stage of adolescence transitioning to young adulthood, I am working on building my relationships with other people. Back then in grade school, I was that kid who was very introverted. This was my struggle. I rarely make friends with others, even my classmates are not my close friends. I had a few but still did not work at all. Came high school, there was one significant thing that changed my relationship with others. During my 7th grade, I was nominated as the president of the class. I did not know what to do. As I went through the school year, little did I know that I was starting to unleash my extrovert side. It was a rough process for me, but I had company to overcome it. They helped me develop more in leadership and in public speaking. This significant event in my life really had an impact on my life, until now.
As adolescents, we are also challenged about the way we think and feel about our body, the presentation of ourselves to others – how we should be like or appear when we face other people. For the most part, adolescents are challenged by their surroundings, by a judgmental society, living with standards of beauty. What really is beauty? Is it just the physical aspect of a person? Perhaps, not – in my definition. Beauty is something that a person should be confident about and is within a person’s character. In an activity that we did, we were asked to identify the body parts that we liked and disliked the most, but our names were in an anonymous state, for privacy. I remember one that stood out as my answer – that I liked and started to love my belly fats. There is nothing wrong with that. We should love our bodies no matter what. But I understand people who dislike parts of their bodies such that I have been through there as well. Back in high school, I used to hate my body because of the judgments around me, especially on social media. There are a lot of standards of beauty and pressure, that is why. Come to senior high school, we did this campaign to overcome the issue and promote body positivity. We were asked to upload a photo of us on social media – no edits, no photoshopped, etc. I posted mine on Facebook and Instagram, and that was nerve-wracking at first since the media has a lot of judgments. But, as the days went by, I got comfortable with it. I had received no judgments or dislikes. That was assurance for me that I had nothing to worry about, that I was just fine. Also, we had an activity where we complimented our classmates. I love complimenting people, such that most of the time, it becomes a habit of mine. I want to remind them that they are appreciated and loved because, through this, I know that this will help them to be more positive and love themselves more as well. Of course, they also complimented me. I felt this sensation of ‘killing’, and I was also surprised that some of those were not recognizable to me before. Through these compliments, I felt more confident and positive about myself and how I presented myself to others.
Socialization – This is designed for living. Through this, personalities are developed, and identities are identified and found. This is where young adults like me know more about themselves, know more about their surroundings, and cope with other people. Also, culture plays a part in this. Since we are all members of society, and family is the basic unit of it, we start to develop our social skills at home. Thus, we have a shared culture. I was raised in a family where we live by the golden rule – do unto others what you want others to do unto you. I continue to uphold values of respect, love, kindness, honesty, and faith in my everyday life. Through these values and the culture that we share at home, I get to share these with others as well and influence them for the most part. Since I mentioned earlier that I was truly an introvert, I was surprised that now, people, specifically my friends, are inspired by how I see and live life. In addition, as I transition to young adulthood, I have priorities that I am concerned about now, unlike before when I took ‘Y.O.L.O. (You Only Live Once)’ seriously, and I just went with the flow of life. We had this activity where we were given seven values, wealth, beauty, justice, education, love, freedom, and faith, and were tasked to arrange these in accordance with how we prioritize each. At this point in my life, my top priority is faith such that I believe that everything that happens will all be alright in time and that I will make it whatever it takes. I also believe that whatever challenges or how big will they be, if I develop a stronger faith as I cope with life, the better person I will become. Just as said in class, the things that we value reflect on our lives, on how we live our lives. Faith is the root of all goodness, positivity, and love. I always pray to Almighty God, not just when I am down. I lift everything up to Him because I know that He is the source of strength. I know that I can also overcome challenges through my friends – they are my inspiration. I always feel proud of them even in their tiniest achievements and milestones, and from these, I know that I can also be a better person – that I, too, will succeed. The least prioritized on my list is wealth. Even though that money is essential and important to manage, at this point, my parents still provide for me, leaving me independently dependent. Now, I am still learning how to manage my expenses.
As we continued to unwrap ourselves, we were tasked to identify our personal identities as well as our social ones – the personal and social identity wheel. Personal identities were a piece of cake to write than social identities because they are within me – identities that are known by the self like my hobbies, my favorite movie, color, food, book, music, skills, and birth order. Also, along with the physical self is having a sexual script. Mine is just simple – a give-and-take. For instance, when a guy dates me and treats me to food or transportation fee, I will do the same, such that I believe that love is a give-and-take process and that you should also be receiving what you are giving – balanced efforts. In the social identities part, it was kind of tricky to identify them since I am not aware of some of them. For the most part, like my age, nationality, sex, gender, and language, I am aware of that. But, in race, I recently learned that we are not just Asians, but rather, Austronesian. Also, we were asked to identify identities that we think about most and least often. I mostly think about the physical and emotional aspects of myself. I always strive to achieve and improve, for instance, in dancing. Before, I did not care at all about this. But now that I am taking dance classes, I really do. I take classes every weekend, not just dance but also, voice lessons. I believe that if I stop doing this, I will be back to the past who did not care at all. An identity that I least think about is my social economic status since at this point, I am being well taken care of. My religion, my faith, as mentioned earlier, is also an identity that has the strongest effect on me such that I know that He provides me strength and courage in anything that I do.
In addition, as adolescents transition to young adulthood, we develop emotionally and socially as well as we interact with our peers. In this, at first, we should be aware of our own selves to be able to understand, manage, and engage in an adaptive social interaction. Personally, I am in the process of developing both social and emotional intelligence. For instance, whenever I have burnout, I always release the pain first – either through crying, if I need to, dancing, or listening to music. Then, I got back on track by telling myself to be positive and reminding myself about my motto – Before Alice had to go to Wonderland, she had to fall. Through this, I get back to myself, reading motivational passages and/or quotes, setting my priorities, and listing and planning tasks. This way of mine, of how I motivate myself and keep myself rolling. I also incorporate my learning experiences with others. Sometimes, my friends open up to me and I make sure that I am there for them to listen and understand what they are going through since I know how it feels to be buried or be down. If they ask for my advice, I give them and always tell them to not give up and there are solutions to solve conflicts if they want. If not, I just listen and understand the way they think or feel, and their thoughts – empathy.
The self is hard to examine and understand. That is why unpacking it is really a rough process for me since there are many things that battle and challenge it as I continue to grow. This is my present concept of the self – that am continuously seeing it improve and coping up bravely with the real world. Yes, I can say that I am improving. Now, I become more aware of my surroundings and more sensitive, unlike before I just let things happen the way they were. As I transition to young adulthood, I uninterruptedly have concern for people, especially the ones I am closest to. Of course, I take care of myself more now and always keep in mind things that might happen if I do not.