Category: About Myself

Self-confidence in dancersIn this essay I am going to explain the effects and outcomes of self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-esteem in dancers.

Self-confidence

During their training, dancers will experience phases of low and high self-confidence

There are myths associated with building self-confidence, such as: “receiving positive feedback from your fellow peers and teacher and dancers can only build their confidence by being “successful”. Although these are labeled as “Myths”, from my experiences I found that receiving positive feedback from your teachers and classmates does help. However, there are cases where being overconfident can be seen as arrogance or what is commonly known as having an ego.

Having confidence as a dancer is crucial to the career path they choose to take, whether it is being a ballet dancer, tap dancer, or even a commercial dancer. All styles require self-confidence as it brings much more to the performance and also in auditions.

Having low self-confidence, on the other hand, is very common in dancers; especially male dancers. Being a male dancer myself, I found it a struggle to fit in with society, as dancing for boys was not accepted and you became a target for bullies. The names they give you and the way they mock you make you become insecure and shy, it also can make you experience phases of depression. I learned that when I had a bad day at school I could go into the studio and dance to forget what I had been experiencing and by the end of a class my anger and frustration had left. Luckily for me, I had lessons every evening and so used these to mentally focus and forget negative days and concentrate on what was important and positive. When I started at the college I believe this gave me a good start as I needed to toughen up even more in order to deal with the professional expectations of the course and strict ballet teachers. I still use different lessons in the day to enjoy and relax and this also brings my confidence up if I have had a negative lesson in another genre. I now believe that I can do it rather than reflect negatively when things go wrong.

There is a saying from the book “Bullied For Dancing” (2018) by Ryan P. Casey “A lot of the kids who bully want some kind of essential that you have” pg. 37 – Chris Bell (A dance choreographer from San Antonio, Texas who experienced bullying for being a dancer throughout his childhood).

As long as you have the support of your family and friends and believe in yourself, nothing is impossible. It is more of a phycological issue than and it is often true that no one is actually holding you back.

In this day and age, it’s quite common that there are cases of low self-confidence due to dancers not being satisfied with their body image which then can lead to stress. Some dancers become so obsessed with their body shape that they stop eating properly and skip meals. This can then lead to eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. This then can have a bad effect on their mental health as they will not have enough nutrition to keep their body in shape and also keep their mind awake. In some schools, the dancers are kept on a strict diet and shamed for eating “junk food”. Sometimes this is done in front of their peers. I have known dancers who have left schools because of this kind of embarrassing treatment and sometimes they no longer dance and they feel so anxious because of it. The industry is fairly harsh when it comes to body types, it is quite a judgemental process in auditions for shows as they are very specific in what they are looking for. Dancers who are on the large side tend to have less of an advantage than those who are fairly skinny. I find that being quite a muscly dancer I am very limited in how my body moves and also there is a limited casting bracket. Every time I dance in front of the mirrors in any dance class, I doubt my chances of being a classical dancer as I am not the right build. When I was 5 I auditioned for Royal Ballet Associates, and in the letter, they came straight to the point and said I was not in the right shape which made me quite ashamed that because of my body image, I stood no chance of a place in the associate program.

Recently I started to get the same correction from my teachers, which is that I am too tense when I dance and need to relax in the movement. The same correction for singing too, as I tense my jaw and I am too tense and my abdominals grip too much. I have now learned to stretch more and leave out the heavier weight lifting in the gym but I did find it so difficult to release the tension as I had pumped my body up to the point where I could not physically relax or dance fluently and less ridged. Another dancer who did the same was advised to lower the weights and his shape slimmed down but he still had the strength to dance correctly. I have now followed the same advice given and found I am slimming down the muscle and keeping my stamina too. It is good to get advice and knowledge from other students about their training experiences and reflect on my own.

On a more positive reflection on my training, I have achieved physical stamina which has given me more confidence in knowing that I can dance in other genres to a higher standard than just ballet it is self. I can now mentally cope with the physical endurance skills that I need and mentally cope with the demands of corrective criticism from my teachers and do not take it as a criticism of me personally. This will enable me to focus more on where I need to train more to correct my posture and performance.

In my performance, I believe that I have still got many strengths and weaknesses. I reflect on each class and take notice of what needs to change in order to get better technique. I sometimes forget and then get have to be corrected again so I then need to re-focus. Sometimes this is because I am tired or have not had the chance to eat enough between classes so I am learning to fuel myself in between with small snacks. This is also a way of keeping my endurance up all day and I am learning how to fuel my body efficiently with the correct foods. This has been a good learning curve because some days I have realized that I could not perform to the best that I know I can do.

In the past, I trained with Mathew Bourne dancers and have been influenced by the physique and structures of other male dancers in respect of my own body shape. One dancer in particular “Danny Ruebens” was quite stocky compared to royal ballet dancers. However, over the years with myself growing in height and muscularity, I realized as I compare myself to Danny I can aspire to be a good all-around dancer not have to stick thin. When Danny has spoken to me over the last 3 years, he has responded positively and noticed the physical change, and has given me encouragement along the way. I have taken his advice onboard and continued with my regular fitness regime and I plan to keep going with it, I also take extra responsibility for improving by attending professional development with New-Adventures. I use this to get additional feedback from another source of training and talk to professional dancers who also attended those courses.

There is a belief that “Self-confidence is fuelled by endless criticism”, a quote by Gavin Larsen (author of the book “The Quest for Confidence”) also states that “One Big challenge for dancers is developing a clear sense of themselves in the first place.” Larsen, L. (2016) “The Quest For Confidence”: The Dancers Dilemma, p.1.

After reading Gavin Larsen’s quote, it has made me realize that I need to have a clear sense of knowing who I am and what I want to get out of the training. Also, my idea personal idea of self-confidence is more or less on the same track in the sense that I believe that I think self-confidence is a matter of restraining shaming yourself and resist from doubting your capabilities.

Self – efficacy

Self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities, in other words, a dancer believes that they can accomplish their goal.

According to the psychologist, Albert Bandura, “Self-beliefs of efficacy play a key role in the self-regulation of motivation cognitively generated” (Bandura, A. (1994). Self-efficacy. In V. S. Ramachandran (Ed.), Encyclopedia of human behavior (Vol. 4, pp. 71-81). New York: Academic Press.). He seems to think of self-efficacy as “beliefs in their coping capabilities affect how much stress and depression they experience in threatening or difficult situations, as well as their level of motivation”. As well as performance outcomes, self-efficacy also comes through verbal persuasion: the encouragement of others’ abilities/performance and the discouragement. If a fellow student gives positive feedback and congratulates them on their performance, the dancer’s self-efficacy will increase. However, if a dancer is given negative feedback and unpleasant comments it lowers their self-efficacy and can have a psychological response.

As a dancer, I found that when I was given positive feedback it did help boost my self-efficacy which I felt enhanced my performance levels. However, in my early teens, there was a phase where I had pretty severe acne which really lowered my self-efficacy and I became very wary of my appearance. I did find ways of increasing my self-efficacy, there were times when I would simply say to myself “I can do this” maybe 4 to 5 times every time I felt like giving up. I started uploading videos of myself playing guitar on social media and would sometimes go live, the comments I kept getting from my followers were heartwarming to know that they appreciate what I do and I became less shy and insecure. I started to concentrate on my physical strength and muscle in order to be able to lift without gaining injuries.

Self-efficacy initially is all linked to self-confidence as it too shares an interest in the psychological response, in the sense that it’s all in your mindset and just a matter of self-belief. You can strengthen your mind and focus on what is needed to achieve.

With reference to Self- efficacy, Barry. J Zimmerman ( author of “Contemporary Educational Psychology) says “Self-efficacy has emerged as a highly effective predator of students motivation and learning.” Zimmerman, B. J. (2000). Self-efficacy: An essential motive to learn. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 25(1), 82-91.

The idea of Self- efficacy being a predator completely changes my view, in the sense that self-efficacy feeds on the mind and determines whether you got high or low self-efficacy.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a crucial part in a dancer’s life, without it, a dancer hasn’t got the thrive or the determination to fight for their goal.

Like water is made up of 2 components, oxygen (O) and Hydrogen (H). Self-esteem is made up of two key components, self-worth, and self-confidence. There is no difference between the two, those associated with the psychological research will simply define the two as “self-esteem”.

Self-esteem can be achieved through ;

• Listening to feedback, both positive and developmental.
• Being self-critical.
• Recognizing your own achievements.

It is essential for a performer, in any discipline, to have self-confidence and self-esteem. It is also essential that performers continue to self-evaluate and always strive to be at their best.

Welcome to my solar system. I would love to show you a tour to visit each of my planets. First of all, let look at the most important one, Home, where my parents are a tremendous support for me. I also have a younger brother who is not at home often as he used to be. With the help of my parents, I can go to the next planet, School, specifically the University of Washington Bothell (UWB). I am a new student at this school and could see myself fit in this friendly community quickly. The campus is relatively lower in student population compared to other UW campuses, which is my favorite thing about this school. I can have one on one conversations with my professors with less effort. The next planet is Work, where I can build my job experiences. I am a receptionist at a clinic named International Community Health Service (ICHS). Most of the clinic’s patients do not speak English. Therefore, my job requires me to speak several languages, including Cantonese. My parents always wish me to speak Cantonese fluently because it’s our native language. They were pleased to know a part of my job is to practice it. Our next stop is the Gym planet, where I can work out and keep my health at the peak so I won’t have to skip any trips to other planets at any day. Last but not least, we arrived at the Friend planet. There are three persons that I consider my close friends and let my guard down whenever they are around.

Families are the roots of society. Their purpose is to maintain the well-being of its members within the community. With my family being the most reliable support, my physical and mental health are at peak most of the time. My parents provide everything they could and wish I would achieve my goals in school and life. I am living with my parents in a small apartment in south Seattle. The fact that I am still living with them helps me to minimize my monthly expenses. My parents are strict and want me to live within their set of rules. They also are open mind people that willing to listen and take actions they think are best for me. I learned, without the help of my family, I wouldn’t be a productive individual in school and the workplace. If everyone has a happy and functional family, society will have a much stronger foundation and will able to provide a better quality of life for the population. Family can also be a training ground. My parents always wanted me to follow their instructions from as small as doing chores to my attitude in treating other people. Ever since I was a child, I felt like living in a cage with all the rules that I have to follow daily. Over time, as I grew up, I apprehend the existence of those rules. Even though harsh, they shaped me to be a functional person that can fit in the society’s norm. The training I received from my parents proved to be effective in many aspects of life.

My father is the head of the family. He is the rock, the mountain that everyone can trust. Despite without a formal education, he managed to thrive in what he does for the living and provide meaningful support for the ones he loves. Quiet and calm are the traits I associated with him. He is right most of the time about most of the topics when he does speak up. Whenever I need advice, my father is usually the first person I seek to consult. My mother, on the other hand, is a talkative person. She can talk to anyone in almost any situation; they can be strangers or someone she knows well. Opposite with my father, my mother doesn’t always right, and her temper is hanging by thin hair. When everything is following the way she wants, she is caring and willing to listen. Sometimes, she even goes out of her way and does things that I couldn’t imagine she would. She bought a brand-new laptop when my younger brother said he needed one without any question. She is the best. As for my younger brother, he is a good looking, confident guy who likes to live on the edge. He doesn’t like school and went on his path as soon as he finished high school. Living on his own gives him the freedom that he wants, but he did visit home from time to time.

The television and the kitchen table are two things that we most commonly share with others. My mother usually started the conversation at dinner. She asks about how the day went for everyone. My dad would reciprocate with short but enough information, and some days he would go on if there were exciting things happened. I would also join in to talk about my experience of the day. We would give comments and advice to each person on how they could do differently on particular matters. The atmosphere could be intense sometimes, but my mother always cracks a good joke. Then television time comes, we sit comfortably on the couch and watch the news, comedy shows. We keep on talking and laughing at the sit-com show as we have the same sense of humor. Explore fun places and restaurants is also our favorite thing to do on the weekend. We also talk a lot while driving. The car, kitchen table, television are the tools for our family members to connect, to share, to advise, to laugh, and most importantly, to understand others.

Respect others and show up at home before dinner time are the two rules my mother always reinforce. The most important rule is respect. Everyone has beauty and imperfections. By accepting the flaws, we can adjust to other’s systems and find compromises between each other. Having dinner together is also an act of respect for the family. My mother loves to cook to show she cares about nursing the family’s physical and mental health. Dinner time helps members to connect and share the love, a direct contribution to the family’s purpose. But not everyone can make it to dinner every day. My younger brother loves to do things his way. He usually comes up with excuses to avoid dinner time. I guess he wants to be free from all the questions that my parents may have for him. Another reason could be from an underline rule; my mother wants to be right most of the time. My brother and mother can easily argue over minor things. Whether my mother is right or wrong, things need to go in her way. My brother couldn’t tolerate it.

Everyone has a different role in the family. My father provides most of the resources for the family. My mother prefers to stay home and do most of the housework. As their child, I also need to provide a source of income from my part-time job and perform well in school. Another invisible role I take on is to strengthen the love between my parents. My father also carries on the position of a reliable person I can rely on whenever I need guidance. Everyone with their roles is essential to develop a functional family. My mother takes on the most critical responsibility because she acts as supports for my father to earn resources to keep the family running, and I could attend school to achieving my goal. The family’s purpose is to have strong and healthy individuals to contribute to society.

Work is the second most important area of my life. I am an employee at a health clinic called International Community Health Service, located at International District Chinatown Seattle. The main goal of the clinic is to provides culturally and linguistically appropriate health services to improve people’s wellness, especially minor groups of communities like Chinese, Vietnamese, and other ethnicities. Another goal of the clinic is to give great opportunities for employees to advance their careers. Many of my co-workers started working as a receptionist and later became medical assistants or dental assistants. They also learn new languages by working side by side with people that speak other languages.

I work mainly within the Patient Representative Department, which including the receptionist team. The lead of our team is P. She has been working in the clinic for over twenty years. Her responsibility is to make sure everyone completes assigned tasks. She is very disciplined, and she will not tolerate it easily if anyone violates the rules. But she also can flexible and willing to help her team members even if there will be more works for her. The role she takes on is critical because she directs the team to work together efficiently to complete any tasks. Besides a team leader, she is a good listener and could empathize with a lot of people around her. Team members usually talk to her whenever they want to consult about their personal issues. Above P is K; she is the supervisor of the Patient Representative Department. She oversees a lot of teams and manages a large number of reports daily. Without her, the whole process of connecting between patients and medical professionals would not flow smoothly. A is also an especially important person in the community. She is not holding a managing position, but she works diligently and making every step look effortless for the team. A can complete any task faster and accurate than the other people. She is the role model for everyone to follow, and she doesn’t even know it.

As the receptionists, we work closely with computers, printers, and pens. The first step to help patients is to check-in and check-out patients correctly and identify them with their ID card. Every day, we have hundreds of patients, and the computers are the perfects tool to keep track of all patients’ confidential profile. After check-in patients, we print out a set of papers which list all the patient’s information and deliver them to medical assistants. Pens are essentials because receptionists receive a lot of information throughout the day, and we need to write down everything. Focus and communication are crucial to delivering the best customer service. Working with people’s well-being is a lot of responsibility. Therefore, all employees need to stay focus to avoid any mistakes as much as possible. Communication with patients or co-workers needs to be clear and easy to understand. Everyone works better with precise information and instructions.

Patients always have the priority and respect other employees are the rules the clinic follows strictly. The ultimate goal is to deliver the most reliable medical service. We want our patients to get well and stay healthy, and the clinic put a lot of effort to achieve and maintain that goal. Respecting others develop an engaging working environment leads to employees to work more efficiently and contribute much more of their time and energy to the clinic.

My family is the most valuable to me. I didn’t love and need affection from my parents as much when I was younger. As I grew older, my family prove to be the best support I had. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to live comfortably and pursuing my goal in life. I realize one thing I never considered before. I want my brother to come back to live with the family. I was glad when he moved out, but I recognized he is the missing piece for my family to be whole. Not like many other East-Asian adults, my parents never ask me to stay with them until they grow old. They respect my goal in life and will not hold me back, but I feel the responsibility of them. I decided to live with him as long as they are around.

Working at a health clinic is not an easygoing job. I remember the first week working there; I was under constant stress. There is so much to learn in a short time. I need to be the focus all the time to avoid unnecessary mistakes. I started to pay more attention to the details. The job has trained me to take everything I do more seriously. I wanted to quit sometimes; fortunately, I realize the hardship I was going through taught me to be a better individual. I am now truly enjoying my job.

I am a visual learner with a curious mind who continues to seek knowledge as long as I can. I see failure as a way to learn from my mistakes. Navigate through life is like solving countless problems on the path. Setting goals and have a plan to achieve that goal is crucial. I organize my schedule ahead of time and try to balance my time and effort. I make friends in all areas of my life. Connections can get you much further in life than you think. My eagerness to help others have served me well. I feel accomplished when I can make a small difference in others’ life. Sometimes, they will return the favor and make a big difference in your life. Always maintain a positive mental attitude no matter what obstacles are on the way. I use to give up quickly because I don’t think I can overcome it. I learned to push myself to the limit through study long hours, work out more intense in the gym, and avoid tasty but unhealthy food. I enjoy the present moment and not dwelling on the past or daydreaming about the future. Reality could be harsh, but I accepted that fact. Instead of letting my negative thoughts take over, I address them and meditate to make them fade away. These principles guide me to the solution to the many problems I have in all aspects of my life. I excited for the future full of difficulties and opportunities for me to keep improving myself.

I’ve tried to start this essay about twenty times and each time was never quite good enough, which is a perfect example of my life’s purpose because nothing I do is ever good enough for myself. That’s why my purpose in life is to finally prove to myself that the person that I want to be is the person that I am.

As I child, I was overflowing with confidence. I didn’t have to try to mask any insecurities as I was proud of every part of myself, flaws and all. Like most people, this all began to fade as I got older and matured. A combination of internal, peer, parental, societal, or any of a number of other sources always left me feeling sub-par and as if I’d never measure up to the rest of my peers, especially since I was a year younger than the majority of them. It was as though I was always one step behind everyone else and to change that, I attempted to overcompensate just to feel as though I fit in. The consequence of this overcompensating was that I set my own expectations for myself unrealistically high and would feel put down whenever I didn’t reach them, no matter how impossible they were to achieve in the first place. I was, stuck in this endless spiral of negativity, putting myself down no matter what I set out to achieve. My idea of greatness was something that I would never achieve no matter how I strived for it.

During middle school, a variety of issues: friendship drama, discovering my sexuality, and the sheer negativity of everyone left me feeling like my rug of self-confidence had been pulled out from under me and my validity in my own eyes plummeted. Trying to recover from that drop and striving to prove to myself that I’m worthy led me to self-harm. I constantly compared myself to others and would nitpick at myself and my own insecurities, and ended up using self-harm as a coping mechanism since it helped me to feel like I could balance how negative I felt about myself or at least ignore it for a little while. I knew that it wouldn’t fix my inferiority complex or my issues with my own self-esteem, but it was one thing I could control. Thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough – just enough – for anyone to ever truly care about me consumed me and I felt the need to take it out on myself.

Today, I look to find a balance between the positives and negatives of my purpose as I finally understand that I can choose how it affects me, despite the fact that I may tend to focus on the negatives of this purpose, there are benefits as well. Overcompensating for my poor self-esteem has led me to have an intense work ethic and drive to exceed standards; I have a drive to be the best that I can be. Even though these positives may only be a wall to keep myself from focusing on the pain that I’m not worthy, they are still a bright star in a dark night and keep me pushing through. I am the maker of my own destiny and whether that be spectacular achievement or falling back into the despair I was once in only I choose where I end up.

There is a difference between success and purpose. Some people measure how successful their lives have been by their wealth, knowledge, power, or social status, but despite all of their accomplishments, their lives still lack purpose. Although success and purpose are different, to me these two concepts are very much interconnected. My purpose in life, to be good enough in my own eyes, has its upsides and downsides but nevertheless, is a very important part of who I am and who I will become in the future. I am the master of my own fate and no matter where in life my purpose may take me, it does not control me.

‘Who am I?’ is a question that runs through my mind as I reflect on the person I am – my strengths and vulnerabilities, my natural inclinations and aversions, and what gives me fulfilment. As I step into social work, a helping profession, clarity regarding how my character has been shaped by my past and the system of beliefs that have emerged through the years is necessary. In particular, self-awareness is critical for workers in helping professions, in order to use the ‘self’ effectively in a therapeutic setting (Reupert, 2006). Thus, this reflective essay aims to elucidate how my identity and values are impacted by life experiences, namely family and cultural influences, as well as educational background. Importantly, it will also examine how these influences relate to my professional life.

I am the first-born of four children in a middle-income Singaporean Chinese family. My father is the sole breadwinner, as my mother gave up her career when I was in primary school to look after the children. Thus, as she has been my primary caregiver, we have a close relationship. In addition, as the eldest child, my parents entrust me with greater responsibilities, such as watching over my siblings when they are unavailable. Overall, I am thankful for my family’s financial stability and parents’ strong marriage that together, have created a secure environment for me as I grow up. In terms of personality, I have a quiet, introverted disposition, so I prefer listening to speaking. I find great fulfilment in lending a listening ear to my loved ones. However, as I am reserved and tend to put a lot of thought before I speak or act, I hesitate to step out of my comfort zone. If the situation is deemed too uncertain or daunting, I choose to remain quiet. This is one of my weaknesses, which will be explored in detail in a later section of this essay. Altogether, the values I abide by include humility, responsibility and courage. Grounded in these values, I chose social work as a profession as I believe the essence of a meaningful life is to always grow in character, challenge myself and extend compassion to others.

Firstly, my upbringing has a tremendous impact on my belief system. As culture influences children’s socialization (Quah, 2003), my upbringing is a confluence of both my parents’ personal life principles as well as values emphasized in the Chinese culture. In particular, my mother played a critical role in molding my character. According to the Chinese culture, parents believe they are responsible for cultivating good character in their children (Luo, Tamis-LeMondaa & Song, 2013). Thus, they express concern for their children’s development through control and supervision, which can come across as authoritarian (Chao, 1984). This is congruent with my mother’s parenting style. She closely monitored my activities, such as my time spent with friends in school, and set high expectations for me. When I made mistakes, she would reprimand and punish me. As a young girl, I was bitter at how strict she was. However, as I grew older, I began to see the values behind discipline, which is an expression of her love. Notably, after every round of punishment, she never failed to gently explain why my actions were unacceptable and the underlying principles. Occasionally, she apologized when she felt she was unintentionally harsh. Through my mother’s teaching, I acquired life lessons and values that remain with me. Specifically, through her willingness to admit and apologize when she was wrong, I learned the importance of humility. Furthermore, family structure influenced my character formation. As the eldest daughter of four children, my parents always stressed I had to be a role model to my younger siblings, partially based on the Chinese belief that the eldest should lead by example. Through my role as the eldest, I realized the importance of responsibility and the value of sacrifice, especially when I had to prioritize my siblings’ needs over my own. As a social worker, the strengths nurtured and values inculcated by my upbringing contributes to my professional competency. Humility and responsibility are key values that I should abide by during practice, as mistakes are inevitable. As Sicora (2017) contends, it is impossible to eliminate mistakes in social work practice, but it is possible for the practitioner to reduce the likelihood of error by acknowledging the possibility of mistakes, then working to reduce them through reflection. Hence, rather than being discouraged, I should take responsibility for my actions, be humble to acknowledge when I am in the wrong, and grow from them. Striving to improve my professional competency, such as by seeking guidance from my supervisors and attending training, is aligned with the profession’s code of ethics (Singapore Association of Social Workers, 2017). Equally important, social workers are to adopt an attitude of curiosity, especially in relation to developing cultural competence (Ow & Nur Hilya, 2014). As a practitioner, I will be encountering clients from diverse backgrounds. Although I have been brought up in the Chinese culture, I need to be open-minded and invite clients to share their cultural narrative which may differ from mine. Congruent with Ow & Nur Hilya (2014)’s assertion, being curiously engaged with clients’ cultural frame of reference not only facilitates empathy but also enables it to be identified as a strength. As such, being curious and sensitive to various cultural nuances that shape clients’ worldviews is fundamental in my professional life.

From a more macro perspective, my experiences in school also had an impact on my life. In the past, I compared myself to my peers not only academically, but also in public speaking. As underscored in an earlier section, being reserved, I experienced anxiety when I had to speak in large group settings as I found it intimidating. I felt inferior when I compared myself to my peers who seemed to be able to express their insights confidently. In addition, I was highlighted by teachers on numerous occasions for not being participative in class or speaking too softly when called upon to answer questions. Their comments about me, sometimes publicly, left me embarrassed and indignant. However, I am thankful that with the love and support of my family and friends, I am learning to accept myself. These experiences have taught me to be more courageous and develop strength of character, to be able to confront my weaknesses and grow from them. Specifically, I have begun to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone. In junior college and university, I began to share my opinions in class and I am working on developing confidence as a presenter. I want to continuously cultivate courage, which is to me, “not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it”, as Nelson Mandela aptly puts (‘Nelson Mandela Quotes’, n.d.). Reflecting on these experiences, I am more aware of how they may affect my professional life. Firstly, courage is foundational in social work practice, especially when I have to relate assertively with clients (Hepworth et. al., 2017). For instance, I would need to challenge clients’ thinking, set boundaries in our relationship and guide the helping process. All these considered, I need to be bold to help clients achieve their goals. Secondly, reflection has also enlightened me on my position as a wounded healer. On one hand, my negative experiences in school can serve as an opening for me to empathize with children or youth struggling with their self-worth. Conversely, I need to be wary of negative countertransference, tuning in to my emotions to check if they are due to unresolved issues of the past. As cited by Zerubavel & Wright (2012), for a therapist’s wounds to facilitate empathy rather than interfere in his relationships with clients, his wounds need to be adequately processed and healed. Above all, an empathic connection is not dependent solely on common life experiences, but on the social worker’s commitment to perceive the client in their unique context and to communicate that understanding (Egan, 2014). Hence, a wounded healer is one that is self-aware, understanding that similar life experiences are not a necessary condition for empathy.

To sum up, the person I am is molded by influences from culture, family upbringing and experiences in school. The values that I hold on to – humility, responsibility and courage – have emerged as a result of my history and have been the impetus for me to choose social work as my profession. Correspondingly, Reupert (2006) asserts that it is critical for social workers to be conscious of how others and society have shaped their values and beliefs as their personhood is also a product of contextual influences. Thus, reflection is a continuous process where I seek clarity on the self I bring into practice, acknowledging how environmental factors have shaped the lenses I adopt.

The Mini-IPIP is a 20-item scale. Each item is a phrase describing a person’s behavior whether you are very inaccurate, moderately inaccurate, neither inaccurate nor accurate, moderately accurate, and very accurate for. I’ll rate it 1-5 every item and then in scoring will be adding the items that should be put together to find out if I belong to openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. I think the result of this 20- item scale was accurate to me because I am an imaginative person, curious about things that I don’t know yet, a hard worker, I usually follow the rules or I fear ‘offend rules’, and of course everything is done on time as much as possible especially when it comes to submitting activities and other things, I think those behaviors belongs in ‘openness and conscientiousness’. In ‘extraversion and agreeableness’ it’s sometimes true or it might not work for me at all, because I’m not talkative, outgoing. I just being talkative when I feel comfortable with the person, I’m with. In other words, I am not sociable. And in the end, I am a shy and conscious person, I think that is part of the ‘neuroticism’.

Every person has an inborn personality, and, yes, I believe personality changes through time. As we age, we can change our personality, based on our experiences and based on people we meet. For example, When I was young, I was talkative and friendly, everyone I meet was I immediately talked to and made friends with, but now that I’m in middle age I’ve changed my personality before, for now I’ve become shy, not immediately talk to stranger, and in other words I’m not as friendly as before. And one example, it’s easy for me to trust when I know you or consider you as a friend. But when I found out that you don’t consider me a real friend, I’ll changed my personality, I don’t trust anyone immediately and I think my personality has changed based on my experience.

Personality is a regular way of thinking, feelings and behavior that makes both men and women unique. Everyone wants to be happy with and attractive to others. For me, having the right personality can be more important and can be attractive than appearance. With an accurate personality, we need to develop our personality to make others attracted to us. We must to become a better version of ourselves, be a great person, be a better listener and a better conversationalist and have the right lucrative attitude. Be respectful and treat people with kindness and respect too.

Personality is how people externalize themselves. It is made up of a series of thoughts, feelings, and behavioral characteristics that can make a person unique. While self is defined of who you are. The existence of a person distinguishes him/her from others, especially as an object of reflective behavior.

‘Who am I?’ is a question that will determine who we really are or what kind of personality we have. To answer this question, I’m going to address my feelings, thoughts, relationships, and values. I think this type of my answer, someone or a person can identify me as an individual.

Communication has never been a concept which I considered important until now, it has always been a part of my life yet I never really truly considered its effect on me. As of now, it seems that I keep thinking about communication and its great impact on my life, from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep communication is constantly present. It seems that I am more aware of my rules and I have adapted my communication habits, and although analyzing myself is a little scary, it is a necessary step to become a better communicator in the community.

“Self-identity is the person we think we are as expressed and regulated by actual or imagined interaction with others” (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 90). Generally speaking, I am an introvert, I rarely like to share my thoughts, I rely a lot on my nonverbals, a form of communication which ‘includes all the non-linguistic things a person does to which others ascribe meaning’ whether intended or not (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 62), in order to communicate how I truly feel or I simply don’t show any emotion at all. My introverted attributes are mostly portrayed in public settings, I use my facial expressions to communicate how I feel, when my face is neutral, I am seen as unapproachable, I tend to display an unintended grimace by nature.

Listening is one of my strong suits, I love listening to others’ problems and giving them the advice or support they need although I didn’t really like talking about myself. “The linear model/bowling model of communication is when a person is dominating a conversation with no feedback in return” (Strom Lecture, 6). Although this contrast to my bowler like tendencies when I am dumping all my deepest thoughts and emotions unto my siblings.

“Personal space acts like a bubble that we claim as our own whenever we might be” (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 73). I value personal space a lot, I love having a designated seat everywhere, I don’t enjoy when strangers crowd my space and I do so by not standing too close to people though with a close friend and family this view changes. Having a personal bubble helps relieve me of the stress that I might have while communicating with others like bad breath or body odor. In the past, I had developed an absolute no contact rule with everyone including those in my family until I realized that I love the occasional comfort of hugs.

“People use language to define and describe reality every day, but the line between its use and the truth is not always straight or clear-cut” (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 37). My way of communicating can seem judgmental at times unintentionally which I find odd because I am an open-minded person. The other day, while in conversation with a friend I spoke a certain way which made her feel as though I am judging her, although, this was not a thought that had crossed my mind while speaking to her. I may have not worded then words the way I wanted to which caused confusion and maybe a bit of shame which is something I try to avoid doing while speaking to someone. This is a clear example of miscommunication. My nonverbals may have been speaking one thing, but my verbals another, I believe maybe my tone as well may have been part of the problem. I didn’t actually mean to harm her character or bring shame to her.

“Our bias is to favor people who speak with lower pitches, average to above-average volume, moderate to quick rate, and rich quality. Too high pitch equates with youthful inexperience” (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 67). In my family, us kids have developed a slight problem where we speak to the elders in a higher-pitch, it has somehow transcended into our grown-up life and it makes me feel as though I am unable to speak respectfully unless it’s in a higher pitch. This may also have to do with the fact that I didn’t have them around for a portion of my life as they were missioning in Haiti while I was going to school in Alberta, I felt slightly distant from them and associate that tone with distant. I believe that this is just our way of seeming innocent at all times even now as adults, to not get into trouble even though we haven’t done anything as we would speak in higher tones when we received discipline from our parents.

“In one-on-one settings, we tend to give people ample eye contact along with occasional glance away so as not to creep them out” (Strom & Agodzo, 2018, pg. 67). I try to avoid making eye contact for too long, and I feel uncomfortable if I am looking into a person’s eyes for too long without words being spoken. Eye contact though I wish to avoid it I try to glance away while speaking in a conversation with someone though sometimes I tend to zone-out in certain instances which makes them feel as though I am not listening, though they have not told me this I can tell by their nonverbals that they want my full attention. A while ago while meeting with my advisor I believe I kept the typical amount of eye contact glancing away here and there but at certain points we would sit in silence, staring at each other because she answered all my questions or she didn’t have answers to some so were both put in an uncomfortable situation.

Moving to Canada and studying communication is my first step in becoming a better communicator. If I wish to pursue any career, I should have some level of communication experience. By applying the concepts I’ve learned from my professor’s lecture and textbook I am able to identify what areas I need to improve. Before I started studying at Trinity, my knowledge of communication was very limited, I knew communicating was one’s way of speaking but I hadn’t even considered how much communication influences my daily life. Minding my language and keeping track of my communication skills helps expand my communication levels. Analyzing closely the way in which I communicate helps me know to understand what I am doing correctly and what I should be fixing. In applying concepts like non-verbal communication to my life I can closely highlight what cues I should be using while I am speaking or how to better convey my point. For example, the situation with my friend who feels that I am judging her when in reality I am just stating my unbiased opinions, I can try to apply the non-verbal skills I’ve learned in order to better convey my message or in the linguistic aspect I can use better language to clearly express my thoughts. By observing how people around me respond to my communication I am able to use that as feedback to become a better communicator. When I received a reaction from my friend telling me that I made her feel like I was judging her I thought back to our interaction together, what facial expression she used, her tone, the words she used and from what I recall my friend was very defensive. If I had paid closer attention to the sign, I may have been able to make the connection that I had communicated my idea properly which would save us from the negative emotion that came with my words.

The Bible has some strong insight when it comes to communication and as a Christian, I am able to use the bible as an outlet towards better communication. Being a communicator is also being able to interact with others accordingly, by relating God’s words on communication to my life I am able to communicate better physically and spiritually. As the textbook mentions God values community, he wants us to be a part of his church and we do so by communicating. God made us so that we could live in community with one another, if I were to resort back to the way I was years ago, by isolating myself mentally from people then I am unable to live with any sense union. Not only does God want us to build a community with each other but also with Him. I can improve who I am by using my tongue for good, the media tends to portray that words are weightless, as the textbook said, but words can be used to build and destroy it is up to me to decide which one would like to live by. God puts a lot of emphasis on the words, in which we as a community use because he knows the weight of words as he created the universe from it, I can consider the situation with my friend and apply the written words of God to the situation in order to know what would be the best way to communicate my opinions.

My parents have always played a major part in my life and whether I like it or not they influenced me a lot. As a child my communication with mom and dad was very strong, I didn’t have to force anything I felt like I could tell them everything but somewhere along the way as I grew older the spark that was once there faded. It started with not seeing them as often, they traveled frequently and at certain points, I could no longer go on trips with them as frequently as before, I went away for the summer, and there were two big moves. There was a lot of static in our communication which hadn’t come to my attention until later in life. Growing up my family consisted of nine members parents, four older siblings, and two younger ones; there was a time where it was only seven of us in the family, and during that time I was greatly disliked by my four-older-siblings. As I’ve previously mentioned, in my youth I had a close bond with my parents and this strained my relationship with older siblings. If I person wronged me or I got hurt I would run to mom and dad this did not sit well with my siblings as they were at the other end of punishment for these instances. I was a miracle baby, I was almost lost at birth, so my parents gave me more positive attention than did to them. With my parents projecting their anger out on them when anything happened to me, I became a target for resentment and they felt really strong negative emotions towards me. Although, when my communication with my parents started to become more detach my siblings got closer to me and accepted me because I was no longer a tattle-tale with that my parents no longer projected anger towards them. My communication with my siblings is great but I feel that I don’t project my true voice and feelings when I am with other people than when I am alone. Family is an important part of my life and I would love to be able to communicate with them better while using steadfast love as its driving force.

Friendships have played a big part in my life up until now, I was fortunate enough to make at least a friend everywhere I lived. In my older friendships, I felt used, they got what they wanted from me but stuck with me for the thrill. At the time I was naive and did not understand the true meaning of friendship and how to find a truly faithful friend. I am no longer friends with those people though I still feel that my kindness is taken advantage of I have not lost my voice in the friendships I’ve developed until recently. I wish to develop a voice in all my friendships while expressing my genuine thoughts and emotions.

Entering into a school with many instructors I am able to grow as a speaker and a student. By learning how to speak to my instructors and advisors while knowing when to ask for help is a great skill to develop as a communicator. In learning how to speak to my instructors I can also be learning how to speak professionally when I am going for a job interview or somebody who is high in society. I can also improve my speaking skills with those who I meet on the street. I wish to develop my communication skills so that I may be my true self at all times and not feel the need to add a mask with people who I initially meet. I want to develop better communication skills in faith and in truth. God is the reason that I am living today and I want to better communicate with him. I want to be confident in my communication with God and I want to communicate with him better from the innermost being of who I am today.

When pondering the question, ‘Who am I?’ it can be difficult to identify how to begin one’s analysis of self. I would argue, that the best place to start are those core values, those guiding principles that carry you through life; the values that you cling to through hardship and turmoil, joy and jubilation. For me, the first value I hold dear is honesty. Honesty is the seemingly simple act of presenting the truth, without embellishment or falsehoods. It is sincerity in its most basic form. However, though it may seem simple, honesty is complex and challenging, for many of us struggle with the temptation to lie. Whether out of ease, embarrassment, fear, or a whole multitude of reasons, we, as human beings, often resort to deceit and fib. But I pride myself on honesty, honesty in all its forms. I seek honesty with my friends, my family, my peers, my mentors, my fellow citizens, and myself. It was only recently that I realized I wasn’t upholding this core belief, for I had forgotten to be honest with myself. I was pursuing a degree path that I did not love, but I thought would make my family proud. I lied to myself, and when I realized this self-disservice, I knew it was time for a change. I need to be honest with myself and follow my passions, not the passions of my parents. This revelation and contemplation over what I wanted to major in led to my discovery of another core value.

My second core value is creativity, the act of drawing from life, passion, and imagination to innovate, create, change, and express. Creativity is inherently vague in nature; it is not concrete or fixed, it is fluid and adaptable. Creativity can be expressed in any number of ways, through any number of mediums. For example, I love to write stories. Typically, my stories are historical fiction. I draw from history to help create the backdrop in which my characters’ lives will unfold. I am currently writing about a fictitious member of the Corps of Discovery (the unit led by Lewis and Clark on their cross-country expedition), and the trials and tribulations he goes through on this physical, spiritual, and emotional odyssey. Creativity, for me, is a means of escaping the confines of reality. It allows me to explore the vastness of space and time, it is a tool I use to cope with the stresses of everyday life.

My third core value is determination, the ability to establish a goal and then see it to the end, facing fatigue, hardships, or strife, but still being resolute in one’s purpose. It is the ability to persevere to accomplish one’s goals. Determination is so crucial to who I am, this value has shaped my identity and has completely altered my life. As a young boy, I struggled with severe obesity, it was only when I saw the pain it was causing my mom that I decided I need to actively pursue a healthier lifestyle. My goal was to lose weight and learn how to live a healthy, active life, for myself, and my family. Many-a-time I was tempted to cheat on my diet or take just one more day off from exercising, but I knew this would not help me accomplish my goal. I was motivated and determined to stay on track and that is exactly what I did. I remember this period of my life whenever I am struggling, I remember how dedicated I was to living a healthy life, and that motivates me to overcome my current struggles and persevere through the hardships.

Another value that I believe is most desirable is peace by means of serenity. The state of being content and free of the negative influences which constantly bombard us. For me, peace is a nice, quiet place. A place surrounded by trees and foliage, where I can hear the soft pitter-patter of a tumbling creek. Often the bright lights, the loud street corners, the bustling, non-stop pace of life violates the sense, overwhelming the body and the mind. I often feel this overwhelming pressure and when possible, I seek solitude in nature. I often drive to Cuyahoga Valley National Park to rest and rehabilitate. To find peace, calm, tranquility, and serenity. Finding peace is another way I cope with stress; it is how I relieve the stress that builds up over time. However, peace does not have to be a physical location, it can be a state of mind, an emotional state, or a caring atmosphere.

Additionally, another value which helps to identify what is important to me is compassion. Compassion is caring, it is showing concern for the plight of another person. Compassion is the ability to sympathize, it is a motivational force. A force of good, which empowers people to help one-another. We witness compassion every day. Just this morning, a fellow student opened the door for me to the PBL building because my hands were full, and he knew that I would have a hard time opening the door on my own. This may not seem significant, but it shows how just a simple act can have such great impact. Simply being kind to someone when they are having a bad day is an act of compassion. Compassion helps us form relationships and bonds, it is a tool for helping others, this is why it is so important.

In conclusion, all the values highlighted above guide me through life and define who I really am.

In life, there is no certainty but sometimes, we just have to take a leap of faith. I am an ordinary girl with extraordinary dreams.

I guess the most obvious thing about me is I am a bit of introvert. I mean, I am always a wallflower. But it does not mean that I do not like being around with people. I actually love it. I love to have a deep conversation with someone, hear someone’s problems and dramas in life, and help them to cope with their emotional issues. But when it comes to mine, I would rather keep it to myself because I do not want other people to worry about me unless I cannot handle it to myself anymore.

As a human being, I also made mistakes and wrong decisions. There are mistakes that I regretted doing because of how it ruined my personal being. It even leads to the point that I doubted myself and my capabilities as a person. Fortunately, through prayers and the goodness of God in my life I was able to get through it.

I am also a goal-driven person. I always want to achieve my goals and dreams in life to pay back all my parent’s sacrifices or somehow reward them for all their hard works just to support all our needs and for raising us in the best way they can. I got to know God at my early age because of how my parents raised me, and I considered myself lucky and blessed to have a parent like them. Even though we are part of an underprivileged family but my parents never fail to sustain our needs. I have witnessed how every day is a battle for my father who really worked hard as a farmer. I have seen how my mother vend vegetables just to have an extra income to meet our daily needs. Sometimes I even cry at night thinking the hardship that we are in and wishing that I can lift my family out from the hardship that we are enduring every single day. But instead of being discouraged, I made it as my motivation to study harder and give my best in everything I do to achieve my dreams and give them a better life in the future.

Personal growth and my life goals are what I always care about. Personal growth will help me grow emotionally and psychologically to become more loving, compassionate and positive person. These are all I really need to work on in order to have a purposeful life and be able to help myself achieve all my goals in life and be successful in the future. Even though life is full of uncertainties but I just have to take a leap of faith in myself and in God.

I am an ordinary Filipino girl. I grew up without a father, because my parents divorced when I was a child. I spent my entire childhood with my mother. She raised me well having discipline and respect to others well. I’m the luckiest daughter to have a mom like her, a brave person and hard-working one. She’s been my inspiration on everything.

Who am I? I’m just a typical kid who loved being in church growing up. I was a fun person and like to talk a lot with family members and I was a ‘why’ type of person. I’ve enjoyed primary school with friends, teachers and wonderful people who made me the incredible person I am. I’ve enjoyed every trip but I’m not interested in social exposure as I feel better doing things on my own.

Then came my junior high school years. It started out challenging for me but somehow interesting. It was during this time that I started getting into extracurricular activities like the school press conference and tried my hand at creating slogans, editorials, news and sports, and an article. I got involved to music world too, but not that much since I have stage fright. I started to have new friends whom I continue the adjustment stage with, having a 7th grade turn for honors.

As I tackled senior high school journey, I became more academically competitive, leading a group of students on every report, practical research and yes it gave me memorable journey but quite challenging. I took accountancy, business and management. Strand numbers gave me headaches but I was happy knowing that I excelled and started getting scholarships as I prepare myself for college path. During my senior high school years, I tried doing part time jobs to support myself as a student because my mom got shortage in terms of financial matters, despite of those hardships and obstacles I graduated with honor, I’m proud to say that I didn’t disappoint myself though some people around me throwing negative words against me “this lady won’t make it because they can’t send her to college”, for example.

Year 2020 was full of tragedies. I’ve lost my childhood true friend for a reason of suicide. Second, I lost my grandfather who’s one of those great people that truly believes in me and what I am capable of. That was the time pandemic started to rise up and yes, I didn’t do anything but to move forward and continue in life considering that I have goals to fulfill.

Then here comes college life. I’m super excited at first thinking that I’m almost there, my dreams are waiting for me but I’ve realized that. It wasn’t easy. I planned to take up a hospitality management program for this is connected to strand that I took up during my SHS years, but things changed the time I got my CSUCAT Result, 90.92 percentile, and first thought came up my mind was College of Allied Health Sciences. Everything happened and fall into place, I just found myself being interviewed at RT department well maybe, this is for me so I accepted the challenge even I don’t know anything, no single clue about it but I’m always willing to learn.

Where I am now? At the middle of battle being a freshman. It’s indeed difficult, but giving up is not in my vocabulary, I just say, “I came here without anything, I’ll finish having everything, it’s either I top or I pass”. I got new friends whom I can consider as my RT family, kind and considerate professors that I can say they’re my second mother and father. Slowly losing my friends back in high school but it’s fine it is part of growing, less people interfere, the less toxicity it is. Battling with this pandemic and online classes quite difficult because the amount of knowledge we can take is different from face-to-face situation. The enjoyment that leads to laziness, considering not enough sleep or no sleep at all, eating not on time, and it is more risking financial issues. I’m hoping to have face to face classes, try hands on laboratory works, well it’s interesting isn’t it, and looking forward for that.

That’s my story so far. Or at least, what I remember of my story.

So, how does it answer the question of who am I? It doesn’t. It tells you who I have been. I can’t tell who I am or why I’m here. All I know is who I have been and I don’t plan on changing anything soon. All I know is that I want to get that RTRP and MD after my name if God permits, have a stable life so with my parents, and settle peacefully with my own family.

Religion

Religion has always played a big role in my life. My parents are both very religious but allowed their children to find their own paths. Religious identity and conflict are present in Aminul Hoque’s book titled British-Islamic Identity. This is evident when the author says ‘Identification with British Islam for many third-generation Bangladeshis is a social construction lodged in contingency and conditional on certain structural and symbolic resources. Among others, these include a seemingly antagonistic foreign policy towards Muslim countries, poverty, the ideal of a global umma, a sense of victimhood in an Islamophobic society, shared customs, styles of clothing, diet, and social habits,’ The mention of ‘conditional’ connotes that there is an end to identifying as a British Muslim and that it is based on this thing that can change. Factors such as styles of clothing are materialistic, and circumstances can change at any given moment so if a Muslim can’t keep up with the trends does that make them any less of a Muslim? This also links in with the point of giving to charity and doing charity work. Members may not be able to donate as much as they previously could because of changing financial conditions or even as much time due to too many different reasons, one could be being in full-time employment. Will the identification no longer exist because members can no longer donate as much money or time? The good thing about the global umma is that it is true. As Muslims are targeted globally, we all stand united and do what we can to help our Muslim brothers and sisters. This sense of community and brotherhood sisterhood is what draws many people into the religion. A sort of family and type of love that cannot be found elsewhere.

My own experience with religion has been more good than bad. Being in a predominately Bangladeshi area means you’ll constantly be judged. In my own experience, it has been with my clothes and members thinking it is not modest enough. I am also under constant scrutiny because I wear the hijab and so the rest of my attire must match up to that. Non-hijabi girls receive just as much judgment as I do simply because they do not want to cover their hair. Another conflict under the topic of religion I face is the constant fear I feel of being attacked. Even though London is a very multifaith city, Muslims only make up 12%. Islam is portrayed to be a very violent religion in the media. And as today’s society is brainwashed by social media, people believe everything that is said about Islam online.

Gender

From the color of the clothes, we wear to the types of toys we play with, the social construction of gender begins before we are even born. Another component of identity is gender. When reflecting on gender we must divide it into 2 clear sections. The first is sexual. Physically we can understand that males and females are built differently. In general, men are seen to be stronger than women physically and because of this, it is thought that men should look after women. Women and men are also believed to think differently, with men looking at the bigger picture whilst females focus on the finer details. Cultural differences include stereotypes, the most common being that men should be the breadwinners and women should stay at home and look after the children and the house. Sociologists’ newfound interest in identity stems from the fact that we have an identity crisis. Although the nuclear family still exists, the shift in family form signifies some instability in gender roles.

In the Bangladeshi community, men get a lot more freedom than women simply because of their gender. This is very frustrating. In my household, my brother is allowed out of the house at any given time with no curfew whereas the same cannot be said for me. In the Bangladeshi community, there is a lot of toxic masculinity. You will often hear boys saying that something is ‘gay’. This suggests that being gay in the Bangladeshi community is something negative and forces those who are, to hide their sexuality. This causes inner conflict and does not allow a person to express themselves how they truly want to. What is considered masculine and feminine is a social construction that often causes problems with identity. We should be able to do what we want or even wear what we want without others judging us for it.

Class

A well-known definition of class is that “A class is a group whose members share a common economic position, often involving a common lifestyle, and which is differentiated from other groups in terms of power and status, and the chance its members have of bettering themselves in material terms”(Hall and Gieben, 1992:1879). When one really looks into this definition, the conflict is very overt. It undeniably emphasizes ingroups and outgroups. This is those in the same social class. We know this is measured in wealth and assets. Those with more wealth will have a better life with better opportunities because they afford things that others can’t. An example of this could be in education where students of a higher class can afford more resources and private tutors. Students with private tutors get better grades and are more likely to be at the top of the class. This will of course have a knock-on effect when progressing in their educational journey resulting in getting into better colleges and universities. Those of a lower class will be frustrated because no matter how hard they try they will not be as good because they don’t have the means to get such resources. They are restricted, and it is very difficult to climb up the social ladder. Some may be forced to turn to crime not because they want to, but because they have to as there is no other way to put food on the table. If they get caught stealing, they will have a criminal record causing difficulties in securing future employment. Even teenagers may turn to crime out of jealousy of what their peers have and resent their parents for not being able to afford the same stuff.

I come from a working-class background and have experienced people looking down on me. Many seem to think that people in the middle class are the happiest and that, that is what we should all aspire to be. The working class is seen to be a bad thing and many seem to think that those in the working class are uneducated and do not work hard enough. This undoubtedly makes me feel belittled because although we didn’t have luxuries growing up, my parents worked very hard to make ends meet and to provide us with the necessities we needed. As a teenager, I never had the latest phone or even the clothes that were currently in trend but all that added to my identity because it made me who I am. I started working and learned the true value of money at a young age. Unlike my peers, I didn’t spend it all on shopping. I know the importance of budgeting and saving as well as treating myself to things I want. I aspire to get into a rewarding career that is also well-paid so that I can give my own children the best possible chance to become what they want to be, but I would also like them to understand how hard it actually is to make money. Money and luxuries would have to be earned rather than given at any time because this would emphasize the actual worth of whatever is being given.

Culture

When trying to define culture, a good example to look at is that of Raymond Williams. He said that ‘culture is ordinary (…) it is the common heritage of shared meanings and practices in a specific community. Although this is very informative and clear to understand. The problem with this is that even within a certain culture, some practices are celebrated differently. A culture like the other parts of identity is very complex. Also what is deemed as ‘ordinary’ to one person may not be the same to another and these personal differences cause conflict. In my opinion, Paul Gilroy argues a much more realistic version of culture which is a lot closer to its truth. ‘Cultures are constantly in flux, they ‘travel’, are permeable and changing. They are not fixed, stable attributes which can be neatly mapped onto supposedly homogenous, bounded groups. A way in which culture influences people is through the different forms of communication. Communication methods vary from one culture to another. What is deemed appropriate by one culture and community, may not be received in the same way by another. Cultures can be identified through their differences. These include cultural dances and attires, as well as their national anthem and flag. Relating to myself, in Bangladeshi culture good hosting and an abundance of food are key. Bangladeshis take a lot of pride in hosting events and making sure guests are well-fed before they are allowed to leave. Our traditional attire includes saris and salwar kameez. In my household, they are only worn on special occasions and make events just that extra bit special. Although you can find simple traditional clothes most are what some may consider over the top. I have nothing bad to say about my own experience of culture. Coming from a predominantly Bangladeshi Muslim community it often feels like one big family. You will often catch younger members of the community helping the elders with shopping or any other chores they may need to do. Aminul Hoque being a member of the community shares the same view of togetherness in his novel where he says ‘this religious and cultural homogeneity reinforces a sense of oneness and community in Bangladesh that is also evident in Tower Hamlets’.

Negativity within cultures lies with nationality. Being a British Bangladeshi I am often torn between the 2. I am considered too westernized for the Bangladeshis but not white enough to be considered British. Amin Maalouf discusses a similar situation in his book On Identity. In the novel, a young Turkish man is mentioned. This man was born near Frankfurt and unlike any of his ancestors, he can speak and write in German. Maalouf displays his frustration with the conflict when he says ‘Common sense dictates that he should be able to claim both allegiances. But at present neither the law nor people’s attitudes allow him to accept his composite identity tranquility’. This coincides with my own view. Being both British and Bangladeshi makes me who I am yet neither will fully claim me as one of their own.

To conclude, this essay has discussed some of the components of identity and has argued that it is mainly a social construct used as a force to cause conflict. Gender, culture, class, and religion are all very important aspects of my identity, and I have displayed this by explaining what they are and then linking them back to my own life and how it has directly impacted me.