Category: A Bad Day

Don’t Take Your Anger Out on Innocent People

If nothing else, this is the main reason why we need to work on our anger issue. In an earlier chapter, ‘Everything isn’t about you’, we discussed how sometimes people are rude to us even though it’s misdirected anger. It sucks, right? Well, we’re trying to be better people, so we need to not be hypocritical and do the thing that we don’t like. Yet, we continuously think lashing out on innocent people our lives is justifiable even though the source of our anger has nothing to do with them. If we’re being honest about foundation #3 and realizing that our anger is fear based, our anger is almost always based on our own issues and not other people.

I don’t know why, but there’s a situation that I’ll never forget. It wasn’t even that bad, but it reminds me why it’s so important to not take our anger out on other people. A few years ago, I was in the grocery store with my son waiting our turn at the deli, and it was around 6PM, so I had just got off work and so had many others.

There was a young brother and sister talking quietly, and the mother snapped on them and said, ‘Can you two PLEASE stop?! I had a bad day at work!’ All I could think was, ‘It’s not their fault you had a bad day at work…’And believe me, I’ve seen some bad, misbehaving kids in grocery stores before that definitely deserved to be scolded, but this wasn’t the case. These two kids were behaving extremely well and got yelled at because this mom had a bad day.

There is no situation in which that is justified. I have a son as well, and I also have a girlfriend as well as many other loved ones. It is not fair for any of these people in my life to be the victim of my anger when they’re completely innocent. This is the primary reason that I work on my mental health so much. It’s as much for the others in my life as it is for me.

I was diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and when I get anxious, I can become a real asshole, so I take my meds, meditate and do other practices to lessen my anxiety so I don’t scream at the people I love for no good reason. Now, there are days when our anger is going to get the best of us.

Remember, it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to take it out on innocent people. My first suggestion for this is to let people know that you’re in a bad mood and that you apologize in advance if you say something rude to them. I do this with my son as well as Tristin just so they’re warned that my mental health is not that great at that moment.

Luckily, we all talk about mental health, so we know how to help each other during these moments, but you might not be that fortunate. The best thing we can do is warn others and hope they give us the space that we need. The second suggestion is to revisit the chapter on why you should apologize. One of my favorite rules from the book Unf*ck Your Adulting by Dr. Faith Harper is Don’t Be a Dick.

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is about a young boy who is waking up to a terrible day. Alexander wants to move far away to Australia, mainly because he believes only good things could happen to him there. However, his mother tells him people in Australia have bad days too.

Alexander wakes up to a terrible day, destined with numerous injustices and bad luck. The story is filled with misfortune, misunderstandings, and missteps that befall one unlucky and pessimistic child. Alexander thinks the universe is playing against him. Therefore, he wants to escape. Alexander wrestles with a range of emotions from being in a bad mood, to jealousy, frustration, anger, and rage, and he is forced to manage each of these emotions. Some of them he handles inwardly, and some of them he handles outwardly and it is when he punches his brother.

One can fathom the injustice that has befallen Alexander through Aristotle’s definition, “The just’ therefore means that which is lawful and that which is equal or fair, and the unjust’ means that which is illegal and that which is unequal or unfair” (2004). The unfairness of the universe can be detected when Alexander finds only breakfast cereal as opposed to the toy car his brother finds in the breakfast cereal box. In addition, his brother gets brand new shoes with colorful stripes, but Alexander has to get plain boring white ones because they are sold out. At the dentist, he was the only one with a cavity. His brother pushed him in the mud, but still he got scolded by his mother for being muddy. These incidents surely mean that the world is being unfair to him.

Throughout the story, Alexander keeps threatening to abandon the injustice that has occur to him, and move to Australia. The recurring mentioning of Alexander wanting to move to Australia represents his hope that if he moves far away from everything, things will get better. It raises the question about whether or not it is appropriate to run away from problems, and whether or not this is the best possible response. Chua defines escapism, “when you are trying to avoid something. It can come in different forms. Some people escape by seeking out alternate activities, such as sleeping and playing. Some drown themselves in work. Some immerse themselves in addiction, like emotional eating (bingeing), smoking, alcohol or even drugs. Some people escape by seeking out alternate activities, such as sleeping and playing. Some drown themselves in work. Some physically run away from their homes. Some may even go as far as to migrate to a new place where they can start “afresh.””. (2018) This is exactly what Alexander is trying to do. He is trying to escape unfairness, however, he does not act on it he is only setting a mental image of running away to Australia something that has comforted him. In the end of the story, His mother reassures him that “some days are like that. Even in Australia”.

Bang, bang, the sound echoes throughout the school. Screams coming from every direction, students running trying to escape or even hide. Parents fearing for the worst. Asking themselves and the police is my child okay? Is he/she alive? This essay will argue the Columbine High School massacre of 1999, is just an event is just of many that shows and explains what the impact on hiding parts of hiding one’s identity can be. The first thing that you need to know is the background story of that dreadful day. After learning that information we can identify the pros and cons of that day. I want to explain that even after such an awful event we can still find positives in the end.

On the day of April 20, 1999, one of the biggest school shootings occurred. It was labeled as “The Columbine Massacre”. It took place at Columbine High school in Littleton, Colorado. It started out like any other day until two students by the name of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold entered the high school armed and shooting. They injured twenty-one students, along with killing twelve other students, a teacher, and then themselves. It is said that the victims and the injured were shot for the fun of it and others for standing up for what they believe(d). In one of the books, I recently read it told the story of a girl, what happened, and what she said in her last few moments. The girl’s name was Cassie Bernall. During her last moments, she was asked the question “Do you believe in God?” She knew that her answer could still kill her. Her final word was “yes”. (Bernall, M. 1999). My brother just recently told me that his Bible teacher had met Cassie Bernall a couple times. When I asked him what he knew about her he said: ” she was a nice girl that I only met a couple times.” (Osten Coaty, 2018). He and I talked about how it was a sad day for everyone and how amazing it is that she stood up for her faith even though she knew it would mean her death. The fact that she stood her ground through those last few moments is amazing. One will do anything or say anything in hopes of a different future. Another story that is told is Rachel Scott’s. It is said that she was the first to die that day. In both stories, Cassie and Rachel’s their siblings survived the attacked and have been able to tell their stories. Her story and some of the other victims, stories have been told. For some, it is too hard to talk about. Very few survivors are willing to tell their story today. This day sparked the rise in school shootings everywhere.

Figure 1. https://www.nationalenquirer.com/photos/columbine-high-school-shootings-bloody-crime-scene-photos-dylan-eric/

After knowing the background of the massacre, it gives us the ability to identify the pros and cons of the massacre. The cons that come from events like this are fear, submission, nightmares, emotional and physical scars left behind can result in PTSD. On that fear was everywhere. Students feared for their lives, whether they would live and be able to say “goodbye I love you.” When you are in fear you can become vulnerable. One can freeze up and not have the ability to try and run. When it comes to submission it means that they have given up and they will say and do whatever is asked of them just to try and live. Nightmares are another con from the massacre. The nightmares come from the fearful memories left behind on that horrific day. For some, they may never go away. In one of the articles I read, it stated even to this day the students, parents, and staff still have reoccurring nightmares from that day.” (cite) it also stated that nearly 20 years later, Columbine survivors say some physical and emotional scars the bear will never disappear.” What happened that day will never leave them both physically and emotionally. My final con is death. On that day twelve students and a teacher were, murdered in cold blood. While reading the book “She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall” by Misty Bernall it tells how Cassie was asked by the shooters “Do you believe in God?” The young girl told the shooters “yes” and she was shot in the head. That girl stood up for what she believed even though it meant she was going to die.

When it comes to a massacre all one thinks and see are the cons from the event. With pain and destruction, there can be some good in the end. Remember there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I was asked multiple times “what pros come from a shooting or a massacre?” my response was yes there are lots of cons and it is difficult to find the positives that come from such a horrific day, but I found three positives. One positive the ability to better identify student(s) who have problems, mental health issues that then can result in becoming shooters. Having the ability to identify the characteristics, symptoms, and behaviors. The first is standing up for what one believes no matter who they are, what they believe, or what people think of them. Having the strength and perseverance inside makes a difference. No matter what someone says don’t let it affect you. Through this life-changing event some of the survivors gained the strength to live, tell their stories, help others and being supportive. Others who have also experienced shootings and tragedies like this. They can show them love and compassion. In Craig Scott’s video, he spoke of something his sister had written. Craig’s sister’s name was Rachel Scott. Rachel wrote, “I have this theory that if one person will go out of their way to show compassion it will start a chain reaction of the same.” the final pro that I have is the memories. It is remembered as a disastrous day, a day of death, to this day everyone has the ability to show that they care and that those students and a teacher that died that day will not be forgotten and neither will their memories.

In the end, one must realize that even in a dark time there are some who will stand up for themselves and what they believe, whether it is religion, family, or race. Craig Scott is just one example. He tells his story and his sister’s story challenging people to “find five people in your life that mean something to them, that they love, and tell them how much they value them, how much they appreciate them, how much they care about them.” he was able to put a positive turn on a dreadful event. Every day I try to find at least one positive even if it is a bad day. Even if it has to be, I woke up today. One positive thing can make a difference. Be encouraging to others. There are two quotes that can be helpful when having a rough day. The first quote is “no matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.” -Unknown. The second quote is “Every day may not be good but there is something good in every day.” – Unknown. We have must remember that even when something bad happens we can find something positive.

Figure 2. http://www.acolumbinesite.com/victim/mem/15crosses.jpg