Birth Order, Its Effects With Step Siblings

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Outline

Birth order refers to the spacing between siblings in a family who have either been born of the same father and mother or different families that had initially been married but divorced and later remarried to a different partner. Research has shown that birth order has an impact on the behavior as well as the personality of step-siblings. While step-siblings benefit from the interaction with each other, studies have shown that there may be rivalry among them because of the different experiences each of them has undergone. These experiences are due to their position in the family that makes them interact differently with members of the family. The parental expectation on the first sibling is different from the rest who follow. The spacing of the siblings also makes some of them be more responsible especially if there is a wide gap. If the spacing is very narrow or some siblings are introduced to step-siblings without prior psychological preparation, there is likely to be rivalry among them that may manifest into old age.

Introduction

Birth order is the order in which children are born in a family and it affects the behavior, performance, and personality of step-siblings. The experience of an older child is different as compared to that of a younger child since the older one has a sibling, who is younger, and the younger one has a sibling who is older and the same case applies to the other children. The space between one child and the other also affects the manner in which children relate with each other as children with a gap of two years and below between them have conflicts more than those with a wider gap between them but this conflict is very normal since its natural when children are growing up. The firstborn is given a position that is very difficult in a family compared to that given to the other children since they are burdened by parental expectations especially boys. The second child’s arrival changes the firstborn situation as they spend time demonstrating ascendancy over the other siblings and those that follow.On the contrary, the child who is the youngest in the family gets a position that is more favored. (Blanchard, 1998).

Effects with Step Siblings

According to (Sulloway, 2001), research has indicated most of the step-siblings in our contemporary societies exist as brothers and sisters as a combination of more than one family. Depending on the birth order, most of them engage in conflict with each other but at the same time share positive roles in their lives such as understanding each other and sharing secrets. It is through their togetherness that these siblings learn about the outside world. When birth order accommodates a wide gap among the siblings, the older ones learn to protect their younger ones but on the other hand, if the order does not accommodate for a wide space, it can be frustrating for their parents. Whenever there is a difference between them, they cannot solve their differences on their own. The children may also end up making unlimited different demands and whenever the parent tries to satisfy the demands of some of the siblings; those who are very close in age tend to perceive this as a favor. This can easily lead to a lack of peace in the family and this is why it is necessary for parents to be equipped with the right information regarding the relationship among step-siblings of different birth orders. Although personality and age have been found to be contributing to a great extent to the relationship between step-siblings, the age gap among siblings referred to as birth order plays a greater role in their harmony or differences.

Birth order is encompassed in their ages and gender as well as spacing among them. An example is when the father or the mother frequently kisses a toddler compared to his/her step-brother or step-sister who is of school age. The older child perceives more love between the parent and the toddler even though such a treat is genuine. This is justified by the fact that step-siblings of different ages have got different needs that must be satisfied at that particular stage in their lives. The issue of the size of the family when coupled with birth order also has a great influence on the behavior of the step-siblings. For example, when an unmarried woman has only one child and then gets remarried, the behavior of that child differs from that of a child who could have been born among several others in the new family. (Beer, 2000).

Children, therefore, view their families in different ways because of the birth order and the spacing between them. If the spacing between the siblings is more than two years, there is likely to be less conflict as opposed to the ones who have been spaced for less number of years. This is large because of the unhealthy completion that exists among them over the same items. Even when the step-parents have tried to maintain peace among them, they will conflict over toys or over criticism among each other. Sometimes the parents even get worried over what they could have done wrong to the siblings but the truth is, everything is usually okay and the problem is with the siblings. The conflict between children under the age of four is worst if the age difference between them is three years and below. The main contributing factor is the fact that, before the sibling enrolls in school, they spend most of their time with their mothers and they, therefore, have little independence as well as exposure to step-siblings or half-siblings.

If a child is brought up in a stepfamily, the problem of the rivalry between the child and the others becomes even worse. (Altus, 1999).

In our contemporary society today, research has shown that there are a high number of divorces followed by remarriage and this consequently leads to the increase in the number of step-siblings as well as half-siblings in those families. A new form of conflict arises as a result of the two families becoming one forcing children who do not know one another to live together and spend most of their time together when they are not in school. They are also forced to share basic necessities like bedrooms and they end up competing for space most of the time. In the case of remarriage of the parents, the siblings find it hard to get used to the other new parent as well as a new house. If the new union of the parent ends up having more children, more step-siblings are introduced in the family and the already existing children experience a hard time as they try to get used to the new adjustment. (Parrott, 1992).

Living in a stepfamily without getting stepped on

(Blanchard, 1998) argues that, siblings in a stepfamily should not be allowed to be together all the time, and where possible, each one should have a chance to be with his/her own parent. If the economic status is allowing, they should be spending in different rooms but if finance does not allow, they should be bought their own toys with a lot of control so as to avoid sharing every property they have communally. Where the newly remarried couple is planning to bear more children together, they should be honest about it and take time to prepare the older children psychologically for the forthcoming siblings. This helps the older siblings to adjust to the change within the shortest time possible because they are involved in the planning. It is the responsibility of both parents to parent every child in their family with individual attention.

Step-sibling aged between 2 to 3 years are characterized by self-centered behavior and do not easily accept new siblings in the family. As they grow up, the rate of conflict among them increases reaching its peak at the age of 12 years especially if there is a narrow age gap as they compete for the same interests. On the other hand, if the age gap is wide, the younger children enjoy protection and acceptance from the older siblings. This trend continues to a certain point in life where the older child starts feeling threatened as well as embarrassed as a result of developing skills that bring competition among them. The younger sibling also develops some form of jealousy when his/her senior receives any form of privilege and at this time, it becomes hard for the parent to distinguish among the sibling; who could be causing problems. At this time the best thing for the parent is to avoid as much as possible being part of the rivalry. However, they should let each of the children understand the separate rules for children at different ages and only intervene in their rivalry when very necessary. The parent should avoid commenting on the differences among the siblings in front of them. (Blanchard, 1998).

Specific examples where birth order matters on child’s behavior and personality

In most families, the first sibling receives the most attention but has the most difficult moment in the family compared with other siblings. Research has shown that most parents will have expectations beyond limits on their firstborn and this is even worse if it is a boy. They receive all the attention from both parents as well as grandparents. They get monitored on every movement they make and this is evident from the survey done on family albums. The most survey reports the albums having exceedingly many photos of the first child compared with the others especially when they are less than 5 years. This first position is very important to preserve in most families. When a second-born is introduced into the family, the firstborn will more often than not, try to prove how excellent they are in doing things better than their younger ones. Most siblings complain of the parent’s strictness and anxiety on raising their first siblings compared with those who follow. On the other hand, the youngest siblings mostly at the age of three are favored in the family and are less burdened with expectations from the parents. They are therefore more likely to succeed in life in comparison to others and always shine in a unique way in everything they attempt. This is because they enjoy more freedom since their parents do not interfere with their development by being so anxious about them. The freedom creates more space as well as opportunities to make their own discoveries. At this stage in their life, their parents have already experienced the childhood and teenage behaviors to pick or ignore in the last born making the last born to experience an easy time. However, the youngest children are held back in terms of realizing their development in terms of age and most parents keep on calling them family babies even when they are adults. (Beer, 2000).

A second-born is much likely to adopt behaviors that are opposite to the characters of the first siblings. If the first one is characterized by cooperation and pleasant behavior, the second one is mostly a trouble maker. If the first one excels well academically, the second one might excel in sports. The second one will always try to create a mark in a way that is not conventional. (Parrott, 1992).

Conclusion

The effect of birth order is more significant than most studies have indicated as the recent research has shown that. A position in a family can impact the career path as well as the choice of a marriage partner. For example, most firstborns have the capacity to exercise responsibility in high positions in their place of work. This is also manifested in a community setting where they become more powerful compared with the second born. The choice of a marriage partner is better guided by birth order than a horoscope. A first-born lady is likely to be more experienced in childcare as opposed to the last born in the family.

References

Blanchard R. (1998): the relation of birth order to sexual orientation in men and women: Cambridge University Press.

Sulloway F. (2001): Birth order, sibling competition, and human behavior: Blackwell Beer J. (2000): The Influence of Rearing Order on Personality Development within Two Adoption Cohorts: Blackwell Synergy.

Altus W. (1999): Birth order: John Wiley & Sons Inc.

Parrott L. (1992): Earliest Recollections and Birth Order: Lawrence Erlbaum.

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