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We sometimes allow our temporary emotions to take over our actions and decisions. When you are bitter and angry, you are more likely to lash out and say things you don’t mean. It’s easy to blurt out something hurtful in the moment and then try to apologize. However, the damage is already done; there is no turning back. Speaking from anger doesn’t allow us to think about what we are going to say. We do not take the time to consider how our words will make another person feel. It allows us to feel some sense of power and control over the victim. These harsh feelings continue to linger in our hearts until the bitterness completely takes over. In order for us to “never trust our tongue when the heart is bitter,” we should make a genuine effort to learn to control our tongue when we are feeling bitter or angry. We need to calm down, think rationally, and remain silent.
The quote, “Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter,” means that you should be careful that you do not hurt others with your words when you are angry. The term bitterness refers to long term anger that develops when someone hurts you, and you refuse to forgive them. A bitter heart can easily develop when you feel hurt or betrayed. You start to view the person and situation negatively and may even hold a grudge. Grudges may be short-lived or last indefinitely. Our tongue can be a dangerous tool and have the power to say things that we might later regret. Allowing our emotions to dictate our words and feelings can turn into a dangerous encounter. When our heart is bitter, we may speak from emotions of anger that is bottled up inside.
I remember some years ago when I allowed bitterness to strain my relationship with a friend. My friend and I both attended Bragg Middle School and were both scholars. I was not mad with my friend, but I was more upset with my math teacher. Her voice echoed in a high octave as she excitedly announced that I had the highest average in 7th grade math. However, I was unaware that there was someone else with a higher average practically riding my coattails. Little did I know that my math teacher would later use that same loud octave to tell my friend Sharon that she had a high average in math as well. In my opinion, Sharon did not deserve to win the math award. Everyone knew that she was the teacher’s favorite.
Sharon ended up winning the 7th grade math award. Needless to say, I was hurt, but most of all I was angry. Angry that I was beaten out of an award that the teacher said I deserved. My friend Sharon walked over to me with a smile the size of the Joker. I stopped her in her tracks and loudly told her “you only received the award because everyone knows that you are the teachers pet. You don’t even deserve the award because you can’t get your math problems right on the board. I knew this was hurtful to my friend but at that moment I did not care. Deep inside I was still harboring bitterness about not receiving the math award. I felt confused and jaded about the decision and decided to speak with the menacing teacher. As I swung open her door, I plopped down in a seat with a frown on my face. She explained to me that even though I had the highest math average in 7th grade, there were other contributing factors that were taken into consideration when making the decision. Little did I know, the other two categories were perfect attendance and community service recognition. I asked myself what does perfect attendance and community service have to do with winning a math award? Where is the connection? Again I thought, well of course, teachers pet rule. Even though I left the classroom with a better understanding of why my friend received the award, I was nevertheless still bitter and angry. Still not once did I consider my friend’s feelings. I harbored this bitterness and anger throughout most of the summer until I spoke to my mother. She got me to see that I was wrong for harboring such bitterness toward my teacher and friend. I then realized that it was not my friend’s fault or the teacher’s fault, but mine. In actuality, I should be angry with myself for not performing to my potential and putting the blame on others. Remember, I am a scholar. Therefore, I could have had perfect attendance but I got lazy sometimes. I could have volunteered somewhere but that was messing up my TV time. There were no excuses! It was my fault and she was in fact the better candidate for the award. I now felt awful for the way I treated my friend. In my haste to throw the blame on someone else, I had allowed my tongue to be used as a weapon against my friend.
Allowing your emotions and tongue to run wild without regards to how it will affect the other person is insensitive. In my quest for superiority, I allowed my anger and bitterness to ruin a great friendship. Although I made amends with my friend, our friendship will never be the same as before. This experience has taught me that letting your emotions control your tongue and decisions can result in tarnished relationships. Every situation I encounter does not call for an immediate response. It is best for me to recognize when I am angry, and make a rational decision to remain silent until I have calmed down. In my rise to maturity, I now choose my battles wisely. Over the past years, there have been numerous times when I have become angry and ready to lash out. However, controlling my tongue, channeling my anger, and taking another approach, has proven to be to my advantage. For example, I was given a zero for an assignment my teacher said I had not turned in. I was adamant that I had submitted the assignment on time. It was close to the end of the grading period and I did not want to receive an unsatisfactory grade. Remember I am a scholar. Even though I was angry and upset with my teacher for misplacing my assignment, I still refrained from verbally attacking her. I hoped that she would find the assignment in time. As a result of my patience and understanding attitude, the teacher not only found my assignment but also gave me an additional twenty five points for my inconvenience. I refused to let my emotions influence my behavior.
In conclusion, I now have a better understanding of why you should never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter. When we allow ourselves to speak from anger, we are not taking the opportunity to consider how our words can affect others. We have to realize that words can be used as weapons and can be hurtful. Sometimes verbal criticism can hurt more than physical pain. We may not always get the opportunity to say “I am sorry; I didn’t mean to do it, or please forgive me. Therefore, it is always best to recognize when you are angry, learn to control your tongue, and remain quiet until you are in control of your emotions.
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