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“He took me out for dinner and suddenly he knelt, I was shocked. Of course, I said ‘yes, I do’. I loved him and he loved me. Time flew and before I knew it I was wearing my gorgeous white dress while your grandad waited at the altar. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life”, said my grandma on her golden anniversary. Sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Now, let’s be realistic. Marriage nowadays last as much as a doughnut does in my cupboard. Even if it does last, it raises other issues: moral and practical. Weddings are amazingly expensive, it doesn´t guarantee the best conditions for children, the origins are morally and ethically crude. So, is it really all that important for us to get married if we can maintain long-term, monogamous and cohabiting relationships without it?
Marriage is an institution of a patriarchal society. When marriage was first introduced, it was very akin to slavery. The word ‘husband’ has its roots in Akkadian, where it meant ‘owner of a wife’; the woman was like a slave, she was essentially the man’s property. Previously women were forced to get married for economic security. However, once they did the will of her husband who became her legal guardian in every way took the woman’s rights, independence and even identity (such as taking her last name). This doesn’t make sense in modern times, women are independent, and genders have equal rights, therefore, we no longer need marriage to get access to certain benefits.
Furthermore, marriage still remains a patriarchal structure of society, which, unfortunately, continues to penalize women for their gender, such as the wedding ceremony itself, the white dress symbolizes the bride’s virtue and virginity, which sexualize woman. She is passed from one man to another as a property when her dad walks her down the aisle ‘to give her away’.
Some people think married parents are better for children. What your children need are loving and caring parents, they won´t care if you have a contract or not. Studies show that “the conditions for the development of factors that children need most to thrive – consistent, stable, loving attention from two parents who cooperate and who have sufficient resources and support from two extended families, two sets of friends and society”. Marriage doesn’t guarantee these conditions, they exist in other family circumstances.
Furthermore, there is no longer a stigma on a woman if she has a child without getting married, in fact, sixty years ago in 1946 only 6.6% of babies were born out of wedlock, nowadays, according to the Office for National Statistics, 50% of babies are to unmarried women.
Marriage isn’t the key to a happy relationship. There is lots of evidence to prove it. A study from 2012 shows that unmarried couples who lived together were happier overall and had higher self-esteem than married couples. A review from 2011 shows that married couples felt less satisfied and less happy over time than those who didn’t get married. A 2014 National Bureau of Economic Research working paper found that the key for a happy long-term relationship is to find a partner who you would consider your best friend. So, no you don’t have to get married to be happy.
Furthermore, many people decide to get married just to show off their success within their relationship and personal life, as sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin affirms: “People marry to show their family and friends how well their lives are going, even if deep down they are unsure whether their partnership will last a lifetime”. We care too much about being accepted and respected within society, we forget what really matters, ourselves, our happiness.
I made a poll on my personal Instagram account, where I asked if they would get married or not and why. A really common answer was ‘I don’t want to be alone’. People still believe in the ‘until death do us apart’ commitment. As William Berry wrote on Psychology Today, “This (often illusionary) feeling of security is enhanced by the legal binding of one to another. It makes it more difficult to leave, and thereby relates to possessing. In short, we want to marry so we can hold onto another”. But contracts can be broken, nowadays a divorce is easier than to get out of a BT contract. Statistics show that 42% of marriages end in divorce in the UK. It doesn´t matter the legal status, it will last if you have a strong relationship. Also, even if it didn´t last, you can live alone and not be lonely.
Thus, I am completely convinced that in today’s society, in order to be a happy, loved person, marriage is not a necessity.
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