Inter Caste Marriages and Mixed Identity

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Intercultural marriages between couples of distinct communities have become a common phenomenon in society as a result of which children of these inter-caste marriages are often confused and perplexed. Such children are often faced with the dilemma of choosing between two religions and the constant pressure of hurting either parent by making a choice. Even a simple question by friends and peers regarding their choice of a holy book, for instance, the Bible or the Bhagwad Gita could put these “mixed” children in rather embarrassing situations. Children may develop feelings of being ‘neither here nor there’ due to the constant confusion in their lives; whether they should go to the church or to the temple; whether they should worship the Hindu God or Christ; whether they should enjoy Christmas as their religious festival or Diwali; whether they should eat non-vegetarian food or abstain from it. The list of choices is endless as also the confusion with which the child may constantly be faced in life.

In the paper, I aim to discuss the trend of inter-caste or ‘mixed’ marriages in society, a phenomenon which has been prevalent in society since times immemorial, but is becoming more common in the current times. The paper also aims to discuss the repercussions of such inter-caste marriages on their children, especially those families who have a rather strict approach to religious beliefs.

Every family and household has its own set of religious norms and beliefs, especially those families, where religion is important and customs and traditions are strictly followed. Such families ensure that the same values and religious beliefs are inculcated among the children of their households and these customs are passed on from generation to generation through certain rituals and traditions. Thus, in such family structures, children acquire a sense of identity and belonging to the particular religion they follow, which contributes substantially to their psychological and moral development. Additionally, most religions are more like a code of conduct for daily life with their daily practices and rites. Right from birth, when children learn through observation, there will be two distinct activities which the child witness. As children grow older and see other children from families with no religious distinctions, they would obviously be confused as to why their family is different and why the parents are not united in their religious rites.

These confusions could result in greater dilemmas when they have to face embarrassing questions from society including their teachers, friends and colleagues. Sometimes, these problems could lead the children to question their integrity and self-image. Children of such mixed families may be plagued with questions as “Why do my parents follow different religions?” or “Why do my parents never pray together like other parents?” or “Why do my parents ask me to choose between the two religions?” which can be very traumatizing for young and growing children.

Cross cultural and inter-caste marriages are becoming a popular trend in today’s globalized world where distances have narrowed and more people are exposed to working in multicultural milieus. Individuals today are more open to such marriages and consider it absolutely normal to enter such marriage contracts. They forget that marriages are lifelong commitments, the repercussions of which are not simply only faced by them alone, but more importantly their children. Very often, it is the children of these couples and families who tend to suffer the most. Parents carry on with their usual lives after marriage and may not be impacted by the change significantly. However, if parents have disagreements regarding the religion to be followed, especially the children, then there could be serious predicaments for children. The parents may release their stress and feelings by fighting between themselves, but the children will be in a tight spot as they would not be in a position to voice their opinion. What is worse is that the children may not even be in a position to understand what is right for them or why they need to make a choice at all. Obviously, this will put immense pressure on the children. Emotions of guild, hatred, confusion and apprehension will plague the child, all of which affect their growth and development.

Cross cultural marriages affect children the most since children do not have a sense of belonging to any single religion. They do not experience the practices of a particular religion due to which they are perturbed when other children know and talk about their religion and its practices with a sense of pride and belonging. Additionally, emigrations due to inter-caste marriages may have a disturbing effect on children due to the inability to know and understand the religion of that particular place to which they belong. For instance, people travel much and settle down in places where they have been employed. This puts them into contact with people of distinct races and communities. As a result, friendships blossom into love and give way into cross cultural and inter-caste marriages. I have witnessed such a marriage very closely and am aware of the effects of such marriages in the long run.

A Muslim friend of mine had moved to the United States to further her education, where she met her husband and decided to marry him. There was much opposition to this marriage since the boy belonged to a Christian family. Parents of the girl as well as the boy strong followed of their respective religions and knew that this marriage would face troubled times in future. However, being desperately in love with each other, the girl and the boy decided to marry each other at any cost.

The wedding took place according to Muslim as well as Christian rights, to respect the sentiments of both the parties. The couple was happily settled and all seem well, until the problems began, with both of them practicing their individual religions. The biggest problem was the primary requirement of the Muslim religion which prohibits the consumption of pork, something which the Christian religion does not. The couples would initially settle their fights but over a period of time the intensity of the fights began to increase. The families of the couple did not respect either of them; the girl’s family was strictly Muslim, hence they did not accept a Christian as a family member. Similarly, the boy’s family always looked down upon their daughter-in-law who was a Muslim.

This situation was similar to the story “Caste System” by Mary Yukari Waters, in which there is clear description of the caste based differences in the minds of the people. Even though the world has advanced tremendously in terms of technology and communication, the mindset of people is still the same when it comes to accepting people of different cultures, races, communities or religions. People still prefer to ignore and leave people out who do not belong to their caste or community, similar to grandmother’s behavior towards Aunt Kimiko, who is ignored and is not informed that the family “went out for sushi without her” as grandmother feels that “it’s just easier this way” (Waters 192-193).

Matters got worse with the birth of their first child when the couples began to argue the religion of their child. The wife wanted to circumcise the baby boy which is a strict religious Muslim custom, whereas the father did not want the child to undergo this religious ritual. The happiest event of their lives turned into a nasty disaster with both the parents fighting severely with each other. This was indeed the beginning of the problems for the child.

Till today, the child is torn between the two parents with both of them fighting for small things, making life hell for the little one. There is never consensus on any issue in the house and the most important festivals and religious ceremonies end up in disasters, with the child never enjoying any family gathering together. Things are so bad between the couple that they are simply carrying on the marriage for the sake of their child; little realizing that even though they are staying together, the child is in a miserable state of mind.

Even the outside world is a big challenge to the child as he is constantly rigged by other children of school. His parents never attend any function together due to which his friends often tease him at school. They question him regarding his identity; whether he is a Muslim or a Christian. They call him names and do not play with him. All this has a disastrous effect on his psyche, who has become a sad and withdrawn child, lacking self-confidence. The child faces a terrible dilemma, similar to the plight of Fatima and Joji in the story “The Anthropologist kids” by Ozeki, where the children encounter numerous problems at their school in America due to their distinct community and culture.

Thus, it is apparent that multi-cultural or Inter-caste marriages have terrible consequences on the psychological framework of children. Such marriages fail to provide children with the comfort and love which inter-cultural normal families would be able to provide their children with and children from such families often lack in self confidence and esteem. It is therefore extremely crucial for individuals and couples to think twice before committing themselves to inter-caste marriages as the effects of such relationships may be long lasting, especially on the lives of their future children.

References

Prasad, Chandra, ed. Mixed. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2006.

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Inter Caste Marriages and Mixed Identity

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