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Introduction
From time immemorial, men and women have been engaged in an endless game of tug of war against each other. It’s the proverbial battle of the sexes. Even after centuries of co- existence, men and women don’t seem be to be getting along any better than their ancestors did and are constantly at loggerheads with each other. Indeed, it is often said that men are from Mars while women are from Venus. This statement rings ever so true especially with regards to matters of sexuality.
Main body
Women the world over continually argue that men disrespect them and view them as mere sexual objects. They claim that all women have at one point or another been victims of sexual harassment perpetrated by men and that this should be a punishable offence much in the same way that rape and defilement is. But, what is this term “sexual harassment” that women seem to love bandying around with reckless abandon? According to the Women’s Centre of the University of Virginia, sexual harassment is any form of inappropriate behavior which includes requests for sexual favors, unwelcome sexual advances, other physical and verbal conduct, or written communications of a sexual nature.
However, looking at the above definition, doesn’t this term seem a little too broad and way too vague? The term “inappropriate”, for instance, is a very subjective term and can mean different things to different people. How is one meant to decide what is inappropriate behavior and what is appropriate behavior? Different people were brought up in different environments where a divergent set of values was passed on to them. As such, boys were taught how to talk to and treat women differently.
As the BBC Caribbean (2008) posits, some men do not see such terms of endearment like “honey”, “babes” and “sweetie” as being a form of disrespect or sexual harassment yet women are always up in arms whenever they are referred to in such ways.
This matter was brought to the light recently during Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama’s campaign trail. He referred to a reporter as “sweetie” and caused much uproar with some accusing him of sexism and even sexual harassment (BBC Caribbean, 2008). This accusation was absurd and only goes to prove that some claims of sexual harassment are petty and hold no weight all. How can a term of endearment be a sign of disrespect? Can’t a man show appreciation to a woman or innocent affection without his every move being misconstrued as sexual harassment?
The strange thing about this state of affairs is that the same women who complain about such terms of endearment cringe when referred to by more respectful terms like “ma’am” “madam” or “missus” (Boston Globe, 2008). If you ever try to refer to your average young or middle aged woman as madam, you are very likely to receive a cold shoulder or even worse, a verbal lashing from her with her waxing lyrical about how she is supposed to be referred to by her real name. This may be so but in situations when one does not know a woman’s name, how can calling her “dear” be wrong? What exactly do women want? In my opinion, these terms are very polite and espouse a woman’s femininity in a positive way and thus men who use them should be encouraged to continue doing so as opposed to being accused of sexual harassment.
Does sexual harassment really exist? That’s the bone of contention for many. In my opinion, it only exists in the minds of paranoid women and attention seekers. Sexual harassment can be seen as something that only happens in the minds of the “victims” but does not necessarily happen in real life. Most men are decent human beings who would never hurt a fly- in fact, men were created with a natural protective instinct. Sexual harassment is thus not in tandem with this innate instinct. Most claims of sexual harassment are as a result of feminist rhetoric as opposed to actual facts on the ground (Edwards, 2008).
As touched on earlier, the term sexual harassment is too general. In fact, if we are to go by that definition, virtually all actions by men against women would thus be described as sexual harassment since opposites attract and sparks are bound to fly between the two sexes. It is obviously ludicrous to generalize sexual harassment and it just makes men vulnerable to manipulation by women. Between the continuum of “being made to feel uncomfortable” and “actual sexual harassment or violence”, there is a wide range of activity between men and women that can be described as sexual harassment but these activities turn out to be innocent. For instance, if a man innocently smiles at a woman, at what point can that smile be seen to be sexual harassment or not and, in any case, how would such a woman prove this in a court of law?
Sexual harassment is a very dicey topic since it is often squarely based merely on conceptions as opposed to reality. Consequently, many innocent men have ended up being wrongly accused for crimes they did not even commit. Edwards (2008) gives an example of how out of hand sexual harassment accusations can get. He gave the example of where, in 1992, the Master of Ormond College at the University of Melbourne allegedly placed his hand on the breast of a student while dancing together during a drunken student party at her own invitation. He was sentenced to jail for the offence and was only saved from a sentence after going through a protracted court appeal. What this example shows is that a lot of men are being victimized for actions they committed with a woman’s full consent.
In addition, if a man rejects a woman’s romantic proposal, she may decide to seek vengeance by falsely accusing him of sexual harassment. As we all know, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Many women will seek revenge against a man who has turned down her invitation for a relationship. This is very common and many men find themselves on the wrong side of the law simply because a woman who he was not interested in felt humiliated thus sought revenge.
The sad bit is that courts often rule in favor of women without hearing both sides of the tale. As a result, many men are living in misery, either paying hefty fines or spending time in jail, all because of this ambiguous term called sexual harassment.
However, having said all that, sexual harassment does occur in a few cases. Nevertheless, in the rare instances that it does happen, it was actually brought about solely by the woman’s actions. One such action is her mode of dressing (Nairaland, 2005). A real lady dresses decently and with class and consequently, such a woman will never be sexually harassed. However, there are certain women who dress very suggestively with the prime motive of attracting male attention.
How would you otherwise explain a situation where a woman wears a micro- mini skirt together with a small sleeveless top showing off a bursting cleavage in the middle of winter? Granted, most of them will argue that they dress this way as an expression of their individualistic fashion sense but can’t they express their fashion sense while at the same time covering up their private body parts? This argument is grossly dishonest and a mere smokescreen for their ulterior motives. Women who dress scantily simply want to get attention from men and thus their complaints about harassment are merely face saving actions. If a woman does not want a man to make any sexual advances towards her, she should simply dress decently otherwise indecent dressing is a clear invitation for all sorts of sexual advances and actions on the mans part (Bernama, 2007).
Moreover, indecent dressing by women is actually reverse sexual harassment- it is harassment by women against men. Biologically and physiologically, men are visual beings (Hourly Laff, 2007). This fact has been proven scientifically. They are easily turned on by women especially if the woman is showing arousing parts of her anatomy. As long as a woman is dressed in a way that stimulates their visual senses, men will always be distracted and excited by a woman. There is no way that a normal, red- blooded heterosexual man will see a woman in a mini skirt and fail to respond. In some cases, this response takes the form of ogling or whistling- it’s a natural response and is very hard to suppress.
As such, indecently dressed women only have themselves to blame when a man shows sexual interest in her. If she truly dislikes the attention, all she has to do is dress more decently and she will be safe from sexual harassment. The truth is, sexual harassment only happens to certain types of women- those with loose morals. As long as a woman is respectable, no guy in his right mind would ever dream of sexually harassing a woman.
Body language is another action that invites sexual harassment upon women (Fast, 2007). There are certain actions women do that betray their seduction attempts. These include actions such as: batting ones eyelashes suggestively; licking one’s lips slowly; crossing and uncrossing one’s legs while seated down; playing with one’s hair; and so on. These are actions women do when they want to seduce a man and thus, if a man responds to these obvious invitations, how can he then be accused of sexual harassment?
In such a scenario, the woman’s body language is evidently “calling” the man and the man simply responds in kind. To avert such “unwanted” sexual overtures, women should simply ensure that their body language conveys what they want it to convey. Taking control of the signs your body is giving is imperative if a woman wants to prevent sexual harassment. Otherwise, any attention she gets is primarily her fault and she should thus deal with the repercussions of her overt actions.
Flirting is yet another way in which women cause sexual harassment (TMZ, 2008). Some women are habitual flirters and love to engage in conversations with men that are laced with sexual innuendo. While most girls will claim that the flirting is harmless, how do they expect the man to know this? If your chatter is full of sexual overtures, a man will simply believe that you want to have sex with him. As a result, he will respond in the way he deems appropriate for the situation you have created. This may include caressing you, grabbing/ pinching your bottom, kissing you, and so on. This should be expected since it is the girl who initially set off the motion that is now in place.
Foul mouthed women who use vulgar or suggestive language only have themselves to blame if they become “victims” of sexual harassment. To prevent this supposed sexual harassment from occurring, women’s language should always be free from innuendo and always be forthright. This will prevent men from misreading the language and hence sexual harassment will not occur.
In addition, female victims of sexual harassment are to blame for what they experience because of the areas they frequent. Places like clubs, bars and strip joints are inappropriate places for decent women to frequent. Any woman who enjoys going to such places is of loose morals and cannot be trusted. In fact, unless one is a prostitute, how can they explain going to places which are male- dominated. The men who go to clubs go for only two things- alcohol and sex- and women know it.
That is precisely why they go there in the first place because they know that they can find men who are willing to pay for sex. They thus go to these places because it is the perfect hunting ground for them. In clubs, anything can happen. People go there to unwind and find people with whom they can indulge their every fantasies. If this is so, how can any right- thinking woman expect to be treated with respect when, in effect, she has willingly placed herself in the lion’s den? As long as one is in such a place, they should expect various actions of a sexual nature to occur. Women should thus not complain of sexual harassment when in such places because it is the order of the day and part of the accepted culture.
Apart from just acknowledging that women actually are to blame for sexual harassment, it is important to note that men too suffer from sexual harassment and in these cases, it is not self- inflicted. Women always play the victim yet in reality men are often greater victims since women know that they can get away with sexual harassment while men generally can not.
As expounded on by The Observer (2006), a UK government study revealed that a hidden world of sexual harassment against men has slowly developed in the UK where female managers exploit their power over male employees by sexually harassing them. In such cases, the men are forced to give in to the demands since failing to do so may result in the loss of their jobs. The same report revealed that eight per cent of men had formally complained of sexual harassment. This figure in actuality simply reflects the tip of the iceberg and many more suffer in silence since they feel too embarrassed to make complaints.
Conclusion
In nutshell, sexual harassment is a mere figment of the imagination in the minds of overly creative and paranoid feminists. I put it that, three quarters of the time, sexual harassment doesn’t even happen. In the few times that it does happen, women are exclusively to blame. In a world that espouses freedom of speech, men should be allowed to compliment women in whichever manner they deem fit. If the women can’t beat us, they should simply join us in enjoying and appreciating the pleasures only this world can surely bring.
References
Endearment…on whose terms? 2008. BBC Caribbean. Web.
Body Language in the Workplace. 2007. Julius Fast. Web.
Dress Code Proposal to Check Sexual Harassment. 2007. Bernama- National News Agency. Web.
Have We Become Paranoid About Sexual Harassment? 2008. Frances. A. Edwards. Web.
Ladies in Nigeria Not Covering Up Their Bosoms. 2005. Nairaland. Web.
Lowe’s Accuser is a Habitual Flirter. 2008. TMZ. Web.
Scientific Proof that Men Get Distracted by Women. 2007. Hourly Laff. Web.
Sexual and Domestic Violence Services. 2008. Women’s Centre of the University of Virginia. Web.
Sexual Harassment of Men Revealed. 2006. The Observer. Web.
Stand by Your Ma’am. Robin Abrahams. 2008. Boston Globe. Web.
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