Modern Families: Intimate and Personal Relationships

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Table of Contents

Introduction
Findings
Qualitative Analysis
Conclusion
Reference List
Appendix: Interview Questions and Responses

Introduction

Parenting and family experiences have changed significantly over the last century, owing to healthy lifestyle choices and the impact of modern society. To provide light on some of the difficulties faced by modern families, this paper will discuss the family of a close relative, Queen (pseudonym), and draw on research to explain how social influences impact her family history. Additionally, the study explores family across place to demonstrate how the nation in which my relative was born may have affected their family’s experiences, perspectives and decisions. Since Queen’s family lived in the United States and my family resided in England, this paper presents an integrated comparison of household aspects in the two countries. That is, the analysis compares and contrasts family facets and experiences in the two national perspectives. Taking care of all family members fosters a responsible culture in which youngsters learn the value of attending to their future children.

Findings

Individuals’ perceptions of their families might be shaped by their life experiences. Each family has its own unique perspective on family interactions and gender engagement. I explored Queen’s upbringing and family’s perspective on interaction and gender in my conversation with her. Queen was raised in a typical bourgeoisie Christian family along with two of her siblings. She grew up in a dual parental environment. She was raised in Oneonta, a rural town in northern New York. Contrary to Queen’s family, I grew up in a bourgeoisie Catholic mixed race household in the United Kingdom, where I was raised together with a sibling and two adopted cousins in a dual parenting environment. Like Queen, I also grew up in a very small town. My hometown is Rye, and it lies less than town 2 kilometres from the sea in East Sussex. Family dynamics and interactions have a significant impact on virtues and gender, resulting in both similarities and variations in relation to gender interaction.

Qualitative Analysis

Traditionally, women have been responsible for child rearing. However, this has evolved into a shared duty in which all parents engage in various ways in raising their children (Carr and Utz, 2020). One aspect contributing to this new attitude is the pressing necessity to handle the family’s growing requirements in cases when the father is unable to care for his family properly (Hall, 2019). This entails both parents shouldering the challenges of providing for their families while also parenting their children.

With respect to interactions inside the family units, the way individuals define and express meaning might be somewhat different or quite similar. Family communication is critical because it expresses needs, desires and worries that affect how family members all communicate in the community. When Queen’s parents had a disagreement, they discussed it in a courteous and private approach away from Queen and her brother and sister. My parents discussed disagreements more aggressively in front of me and other members of my family. Concerning spirituality and the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender community (LGBTQ+), Queen’s family was overwhelmingly positive and strong in conveying information that they harboured no negative thoughts or judgments about them. Similarly, because we had family members who were part of the LGBTQ+ community, my parents taught us to accept individuals for who or what they are and not to criticise them.

When it comes to family interactions within the house, from a day of work and school, Queen’s family would gather around the dining table, sans phones, and share their day’s experiences. Nevertheless, when talking after work or school, we rarely met at the family table and spoke; instead, we assembled in the sitting room to watch TV and enjoy our meal. There was a communication breakdown in this context. When it came to explaining education to Queen’s family, her parents were adamant that their children receive higher education.

It was never a choice for Queen or her siblings to seek further education; it was a given. Her father and mother were both teachers, which enabled them to grow up with these principles implanted in them. In contrast, my mother transmitted education more effectively than my father. My parents did not obtain a university education, and my mother always told me and my brothers that we could choose to attend or not since college was not for all. Within a family, there are several modes of interpersonal communication; whether nonverbal or vocal, each home handles it differently. As explained in our different families, these modes of communication are distinct yet teach comparable family values.

Gender and Family Analysis

Men have historically been portrayed as breadwinners and heads of households and should thus actively seek to disassociate themselves from this position to offer sufficient care and attention for the family. The concept of an active father has just lately become a goal, and it was previously not a societal requirement. Within the family, mothers and fathers have long had their own recognised norms (Seltzer, 2019). Women have historically been housewives, while males have assumed the exclusive role of breadwinner. However, gender conventions are evolving in contemporary culture. The percentage of stay-at-home men has risen over the years, and fathers are continually expressing the interest to take adequate time with family members.

Gender roles have a critical part in operations within households. The family is a vital institution that has the potential to provide sufficient care, empowerment and nurturing of talents. Certain families maintain a strong sense of tradition. The family’s wife or mother remains at home to care for the children and do household responsibilities. The male or father figure works to support his family. Many individuals feel that this would be the proper way to do things (Seltzer, 2019). Gender dictates family expectations. This analysis discusses such expectations and their implications for the family. Gender as a sociological phenomenon instead of a biologically determined identity largely explains historical changes in male’s and female’s activities, as well as in culturally defined standards of suitable women’s and men’s behaviour. Gendered conduct is impacted by culturally created views of what constitutes proper behaviour for good fathers and mothers, and mannered individuals while raising the children.

Family is the primary influence on how a person exhibits their gender. Each family demonstrates it uniquely, based on the inspirations and characteristics present (Hammack, Frost and Hughes, 2019). Gender is a social construct that is used to clarify and describe how males and females are perceived. When it comes to determining who played the dominating position in her parents’ relationship, there was none in Queen’s household since both her father and mother were equal partners. They both played similar dominant positions in the relationship that resulted in marital equality. In comparison to my household, my mother was the main provider and had a more dominating position in the union, but my father was the stay-at-home spouse who took on ‘maternal’ responsibilities.

Queen’s parents never used gender to control her or her siblings. Her father did explain etiquette in regard to how a woman should be handled based on her brothers’ gender. Queen and her sister received the same treatment as her brother. Household tasks were distributed equally, and her father used a more expressive schema when offering orders. These instructions were delivered to all youngsters in the home on an equal footing. Conversely, my parents addressed gender expectations in the home differently. I was the only female in my family, and my mother instilled in me the importance of learning to cook and wash dishes. My sibling and cousins were expected to help with outdoor tasks since they were men, as my father had taught them. Discipline was uniformly displayed in Queen’s family. Both of her parents were responsible for imparting punishment to her and her brother and sister, and it was not done in a men or women dominant manner. My parents, on the contrary, handled punishment differently.

My father had more expressed paradigm qualities, but my mother exhibited more functional schema characteristics. They both, however, had a hand in instilling discipline in me and my brothers. The majority of families engage their children in activities while channelling them according to their gender. In Queen’s household, her parents promoted gender-neutral and all-inclusive events. They thought that both women and men activities should not be considered exclusive of the pursuits of the other sex. As with Queen’s parents, my family held the same beliefs on conventional gender-based hobbies. My parents let me and my brothers participate in whatever interests we pleased as long as we remained comfortable.

All parents will eventually have to find their children’s significant other, and their reactions will vary. Queen’s parents were quite accommodating and friendly toward her and her siblings’ close friends, even when they resorted to staying overnight at one another’s residences. When her father met her boyfriend for the first time, he portrayed himself in a harsh manner but was more comfortable with his son’s girlfriend. Both of my parents were quite even in their attitudes and dealings with me and any significant other; however, they were not permitted to stay overnight at our house due to my parents’ religious connection.

Lifestyle

Halloween is a favourite holiday in Queen’s family, and it is a great day in the United States. The family is enchanted by the décor, horror film marathons and seasonal delicacies. A visitor from the United States would be devastated to discover that the UK’s Halloween spirit is limited to flyers advertising a children’s frightening storytime at the libraries and a single bin of heartbreaking pumpkins at the food store. On a similar issue, certain sections of the UK commemorate Guy Fawkes Night or Day with balefire and firework displays in November, despite the fact that the holiday does not apply in the United States.

When Queen’s family and I dined together at a United States restaurant for the first time, I was frightened when the waiter pulled my debit card and swiped it following the meal. I was also surprised by the requirement to sign on the receipt, and that is evidently not the usual in the United Kingdom. In most restaurants in the United Kingdom, the waiter delivers the complete credit card reader to the table. As they are watching, the consumer enters the credit card and responds to any on-screen prompts before retrieving the receipt and departing. Though I believe that using a customer’s credit card following a meal creates a security risk because someone may potentially duplicate the card data while the owner is not looking, Queen’s family members like the simplicity of just surrendering their cards to a waiter and letting them handle the rest.

Growing up in the United Kingdom, where October is virtually a month-long festival of pumpkin flavour and apple harvesting, I was somewhat aback to discover that members of Queen’s family in the US do not revere fall in the same manner. I was absolutely perplexed by the concept of consciously planning to view fall leaves. When Queen initially mentioned that some individuals in the United States go for excursions or drives only to view the varying leaves, I could not stop giggling. When she added that this is frequently referred to as “leaf-peeping”, I almost passed out. The United Kingdom is famous for its “drinking culture”, or the mingling and partying that occurs in the country’s numerous cherished bars and nightclubs.

It is a common tradition in the United Kingdom to purchase a round of beverages for a group of friends. It is considered disrespectful to skip one’s turn when a group of people rotates responsibilities. However, while I can understand the advantages of having a designated bartender, I prefer the US technique of autonomous drink-buying, which allows one to drink at their own speed and not have to worry about keeping track of their friends’ booze consumption. In the UK, unless you are a frequent patron, it is uncommon to open a single bottle of beer on a bar tab. Although gratuities are not required, they are appreciated.

In the United States, patriotism is a way of life. A person flying an American flag at the front of their house or showing up for lunch with a red, blue and white headband would not raise a red flag with Queen’s family or other Americans. It is also common to see patriotic bumper stickers on automobiles in the US, as well as lyrics in popular songs about being an American. British patriotism, at least in the cities where I have lived, is much different from American patriotism. Donning an England flag on your yard or wearing an England T-shirt every day is not anything I have ever witnessed. People and families in the United Kingdom are not as obsessed with ‘doing’ patriotism as their American counterparts.

There is no huge fuss about blow-drying one’s hair or plugging an electronic toothbrush in the bathtub in the US. Family members are not permitted to have power outlets in their bathroom in the UK unless they are at least three feet away from the tubs or bath, which is not often practical in small bathrooms. Electric showers are rather prevalent in shower stalls, despite the fact that they are not permitted in the UK. These machines use electricity to heat the water, so even if the water heater fails, a person will still take a shower. They are activated by pressing a button, and they often have a shower nozzle and temperature controls.

Cost of Living

Poor and middle-class families feel the pain of increasing living costs far more acutely than their wealthier counterparts. Housing becomes unaffordable as living costs escalate. Despite the dramatic growth in salaries over the decades, housing expenses have continued to increase at a higher rate (Hammack, Frost and Hughes, 2019). When income is compared to rental costs historically, rent has steadily consumed a greater share of monthly salary year after year. Housing, medical services, and education expenditures continue to utilise an increasing percentage of household budgets and have increased faster than salaries (Seltzer, 2019). The modern middle-class households work longer hours, deal with new types of stress and take on bigger financial hazards than prior generations. The cost of living affects a household’s socioeconomic status and has a significant impact on other elements of family life such as healthcare, schooling, religion, political involvement and encounters with the justice system.

A family’s cost of living might be increased by altering the lifestyle. Such lifestyle adjustments may be geographical or situational in nature. A situational adjustment that increases the cost of living may include a person choosing to dine at more upscale restaurants or purchasing a vehicle with costlier monthly payments. A high cost of living may result in an increase in crime. A significant augment in the cost of living has the potential to drive an individual towards bribery; the core of corruption. The rising cost of living makes it more difficult for a person to maintain a certain quality of life (Chambers, 2017). Although the cost of living is critical, the majority of people would prefer obtaining higher pay. If the living costs are low, earnings are sometimes limited as well. Long-term financial prospects are frequently better in more expensive places, with greater earnings that are not countered by a rising standard of living.

England is not a cheap place to reside in, but compared to the United States, it is a cheaper option. The cost of living in London is $4,750 per month, compared to $5,800 per month in New York City, for a family of four to afford. Some shocks await an American family relocating to the United Kingdom. For instance, a gallon of fuel costs $6. In August 2021, the average price of gasoline in the United States was a little under $4 a gallon. Prescription medication expenses are highly subsidised by the National Health Service (Mouratidis, 2018). Most locals, as well as a small percentage of newcomers, pay for their own private health insurance, allowing them to avoid long waits for specialist consultations.

For any household, utility expenditures may be astronomical. Basic utility prices in London are around 60 percent more expensive than in New York City. The price of an education in a private school is significantly lower (Chambers, 2017). London’s pre-school and kindergarten costs are 27% less expensive than New York City’s. Prices for food in New York City restaurants and supermarkets are often greater than they are in London. The cost of going around New York City, whether by subway, bus or cab, is quite low. However, in New York City, internet service costs around 50% more than in London. To determine the cost of living in a nation or area, economists and statisticians consider the level of income needed to maintain an average standard of living (Chambers, 2017). The cost of living is a measure of how much money one may spend on necessities such as food and clothes as well as healthcare, education, and transportation. English living costs are 0.5 percent cheaper than American living costs on this wide metric. English rent is 23% cheaper than in the United States.

Conclusion

Family and gender equality communication play a significant influence in a household’s customs and culture. The values of each family may differ, yet they may still be represented in a variety of ways, depending on how they were conveyed. Attributable to our families’ upbringings, Queen and I might have come from quite different backgrounds, yet we nevertheless share many of the same ideals. Our families portrayed distinct theoretical backgrounds when it comes to how they socialised and communicated. However, despite the fact that not all families are conventional and flawless, theories of interaction and gender can have a broad variety of viewpoints. Parents have difficulties in carrying out their parental obligations to the best of their abilities while also juggling the demands of their professional lives. Fathers have historically been depicted as breadwinners and heads of households and should thus actively seek to disassociate themselves from this standpoint to offer adequate care and attention for the family. Gender roles have a significant part in operations within families. An individual or family’s ability to maintain an average standard of living is taken into consideration by economists when calculating a country’s cost of living index. It is cheaper to live in England than America.

Reference List

Carr, D. and Utz, R. (2020) ‘Families in later life: a decade in review’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(1), pp. 346-363. Web.

Chambers, D. (2017) ‘Networked intimacy: algorithmic friendship and scalable sociality’, European Journal of Communication, 32(1), pp. 26-36. Web.

Hall, S. (2019) ‘Everyday austerity: towards relational geographies of family, friendship and intimacy’, Progress in Human Geography, 43(5), pp. 769-789. Web.

Hammack, P., Frost, D. and Hughes, S. (2019) ‘Queer intimacies: a new paradigm for the study of relationship diversity’, The Journal of Sex Research, 56(4-5), pp. 556-592. Web.

Mouratidis, K. (2018) ‘Built environment and social well-being: how does urban form affect social life and personal relationships?’, Cities, 74, pp. 7-20. Web.

Seltzer, J. (2019) ‘Family change and changing family demography’, Demography, 56(2), pp. 405-426. Web.

Appendix: Interview Questions and Responses

When and where were you born?

I was born in Oneonta, in America in 1995.

Which part of the world did you grow up in?

I grew up in Oneonta before moving to New York City a few years ago.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Yes, I have two siblings: a brother and a sister. Both are far older than I am and have families.

Communication

Is there a method your parents used to resolve a disagreement when they were having one?

The conflicts between my parents were always handled in a courteous and private style, away from me and my siblings.

Do you think your parents had a bad or favourable attitude toward the LGBTQ+ community because of their religious beliefs?

My family was upbeat and strong in conveying the word that they did not have negative sentiments or judgments about them or their situation. My parents had the conviction that sexual orientation is intrinsic to who one is and should not be used as a basis for discrimination, violence, abuse, or any form of ill-treatment.

What methods did your family use to communicate with one another after a hard day at work and school?

My family members would gather around the dining table without our phones in sight, and we would share our day’s events with one another.

When you were talking with your siblings, how would you describe the degree of interaction that existed between you and them?

We used to care for and respect one another, and that has remained the case. This is primarily due to our upbringing and the positive influence of our parents on us.

What methods did your parents use to explain the significance of education to you as a child?

I remember my parents being adamant about the fact that we would go to college. It was never a question of if or not I and my siblings would go on to further education; it was just something that was expected of us. Due to the fact that my father and mother were both teachers, they were able to instil these strong beliefs in us, their children.

Gender

In your family, who was the most powerful person in the room? And why was this so?

None of my parents had the ability to exert dominance over the other in the relationship since they were equal partners in the union. They each played the same dominating roles in the relationship, which resulted in their marriage being equal in every way.

Is it true that your parents taught you manners that were special to your gender? What, specifically, were they?

My parents never used my gender or the gender of my siblings to influence us. My father did emphasise proper etiquette in relation to my brother’s gender, specifically in connection to how a girl should be handled.

Did your mother and father discipline you in a different way than you would have expected them to? Describe the distinctions between the two.

In my family, everyone was held to the same standards of behaviour. When it came to transmitting discipline to me and my brother and sister, both of my parents were in charge, and it was never done in a way that indicated man or woman supremacy.

Did you ever get the impression that your parents were favouring you over your brother and sister when it came to engaging in specific chores or activities? If so, how would you describe it?

My sister and I were handled in the same way as my brother was. Household tasks were distributed equally, and my father preferred to use more of an expressive schema when giving directives. These instructions were delivered to all of the youngsters in the home on an equal basis. Gender activities were encouraged in my household since they were seen as equal and inclusive of all. My parents believed that actions carried out by women or men should not be considered exclusive of those carried out by people of the opposing sex.

What was your family’s reaction when you announced that you were bringing a close friend into the house?

I and my brother or sister’s close acquaintances were treated with great courtesy and hospitality by my parents, even when it meant spending the night at one another’s homes.

Was there a difference in response between you and your brothers?

When it came to my father’s first meeting with the girls’ boyfriends, he conducted himself in a strict manner; but, when it came to my brother’s friends, he appeared more relaxed.

Place

What would you consider the typical American family’s way of life?

October 31st is one of my favourite holidays, and it is a great celebration in the United States. The décor, zombie film marathons and seasonal sweets are all things I enjoy about the holiday season. My favourite part of dining out is when the waiter takes my credit card and swipes it after the meal is over. My family members like the ease of just providing our credit cards to the waiters and letting them to take care of the meal payment on their behalf. We also like the independent beverage purchasing approach used in the United States. Another characteristic of the United States that my family admires is casual patriotism. For example, we frequently choose to dress in garments that are coloured in the same manner as the American flag. Apart from that, popular music in the United States frequently has lyrics that express pleasure in being an American, and most automobiles have patriotic stickers on them. The fact that I can blow dry my hair or charge my toothbrush in the washroom is not a huge thing in my family or throughout the United States, unlike some other nations such as England.

What is the average cost of living for a family in the United States?

In order to maintain a moderate standard of living in New York, a nuclear family would require an income of around $5,800 per month. In August 2021, the average countrywide price of gasoline in the United States was lingering just under $4 per gallon. When dining out or shopping at a grocery store in the United States, food prices are often expensive, regardless of the eatery. The cost of commuting in New York City, whether by public transit or taxicab, is comparatively inexpensive. However, the prices of internet access are rather high.

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