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There seems to be a school of thought existing which believes that people who marry young will always end up divorced. The reasons for the failure of the marriage is supposed to stem from the immaturity of the parties involved and the ill preparedness of the couple to deal with the changes that married life brings to one another. It actually seems like our society conditions these marriages to fail because the people who are supposed to be supportive and encouraging are the very people who say “it is destined to fail.” Luckily, there are some young people who enter into a marriage and find that it lasts them a lifetime. So what is their formula? According to Mark Regnerus of the Washington Post, there are actually 3 reasons as to why a couple marrying young could find that their marriage works over time. He outlined these reasons in his article “Say Yes, What Are You Waiting For?”. He indicated that the misconception as to what defines an early marriage, the age, mental maturity, and sexual difference between men and women, as well as the age factor are the real reasons that a young marriage works even though there are those who believe otherwise.
According to Mr. Regnerus, people have a preconceived notion of what an “early marriage” is. Unfortunately, people believe that an early marriage is limited to teenagers getting married. Those are the ones that usually end up in divorce. But that is not the be all and end all of the definition of an early marriage. In reality, early marriage is entered into by people who are in their early 20’s. It is this age bracket of married couples that usually live themselves engaged in a lifetime relationship.
If we were to also pay attention to the gender differences of people who marry early, we would find that women mentally mature much earlier than men. This means that they are more capable of understanding the demands of marriage and are more understanding of their spouse’s shortcomings. To quote the data from the National Survey Of Family Growth that was included in the same article:
…women who marry at 18 have a better shot at making a marriage work than men who marry at 21.
Being the more mature member engaged in the relationship, women are able to see reason and find middle ground with their husbands a lot easier than the males. This is one reason why young marriages tend to last longer. The spouses find that they are still young enough to adjust to each other’s likes and dislikes before it becomes a real threat to the marriage.
Finally, we have to understand that the age at which a man or woman marries does not have any direct bearing on the strength and longevity of the union. What really makes the marriage work and last longer than most people expect is the fact that the couples are willing to engage in the hard work that will make the marriage last. These are the young people who prove a maturity far beyond their years. They are master negotiators, part psycho-analyst, and most of the time, best friends. Indeed young marriages tend to last longer when the spouses realize early on that they are not only engaged in a marriage but in a relationship with their best friend. Once a connection like that is made during oneself youth, it is not easy to let go. Instead, it serves as the reason for the marriage to last longer than the bets that were placed upon when the divorce would be on the day that the couple got married.
These are the reasons why young marriages do not necessarily end up in divorce over time. The fact that the people marry when they are still young enough to make compromises and talk to each other spells the difference between divorce and the golden wedding anniversary. Familiarity in this case, does not breed contempt but rather, fosters love, care, and understanding between spouses.
References
Regnerus, Mark.(2009) Say yes, what are you waiting for? The Washington Post.
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